It's Tuesday again! Last week was a bit of a disaster for Varian, let's see how everyone is dealing with it.
Content warning: anger issues, self worth issues, bad parenting, and crying.
Chapter 19
Reflecting
Varian ran with no destination in mind. He just needed to get away. Away from stupid Gabriel and his stupid ego. He always was a little wary of him but he thought they had an understanding. That's what he gets for trusting people again.
Several hours later when he had practically exhausted himself he finally looked up and took notice of his surroundings. Somehow he'd ended up in the same alleyway he had landed in when he first arrived. He remembered feeling overwhelmed by the advancements in science and technology. He also remembered feeling lost and helpless realizing he couldn't return home.
Now however he didn't know what to feel. Everything was all jumbled up and confused. Maybe that's why he found himself back here. He also felt alone and confused just like he had back then. He jumped up on the same dumpster he'd landed on and sat back admiring Paris' skyline. This city really was beautiful, especially at night.
Seeing they were finally alone, Ruddiger popped out of his pocket and made himself at home on his boy's shoulder. Varian smiled a little, rubbing the spot behind his ears that he couldn't seem to reach in either form. The familiar pur from the Kwami calmed him somewhat. He was still angry and on edge but for the moment he could forget about it.
The moment didn't last long as his phone went off. It had been going off ever since he ran from the manor but he'd just tuned it out while he ran. He glanced at it seeing Adrien was trying to call and had been trying for some time now. He thought he'd be annoyed but it wasn't very often that someone cared enough about him to check up on him to see if he was alright.
He sent a quick text back assuring him he was alright but he really needed to be away from Gabriel for a while. He also asked him not to worry the others.
He also saw one or two from Nathalie but none for Gabriel. He honestly wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed. He sent a similar text back but accidentally opened his photos afterward. There staring at him was a picture of him and Max as they took selfies with eachothers cameras. He paused, seeing Markov in the photo as well, hovering just above Max's shoulder just like Ruddiger did with him.
A sense of overwhelming guilt weld up inside him. He had betrayed his friend and for what? Nothing! That's what! He should never have listened to Gabriel when he told him his plan. He knew it was wrong and he had his reservations about the whole thing, not just about using Markov.
He remembered holding his staff under the girl's neck threatening to…to…God! He wasn't going to go through with it….it was just an act. But all this brought him back to the battle of Old Corona. He was in a blind rage, all his careful planning thrown completely out the window. At the time he was just in so much pain and then Rapunzel and her perfect family were rubbing it in his face while he was crying at his Dad's feet.
He just lost it. He set out to hurt someone, anyone, just so someone could understand how much pain he felt. Even if he had to inflict it. He remembered Casandra and Queen Ariana in the metal claw of the automaton and squeezing.
Was he bluffing back at the museum? Would he have gone through with it? He wanted to say no but…
He pulled his feet up and rested his head on his knees. Maybe…maybe he wasn't just mad at Gabriel. Maybe he was a little mad at himself. He went into this magical war because at the end of the day it was surprisingly clean. Today, courtesy of himself, it almost got messy, really messy.
"Ruddiger, what's wrong with me? Am I a bad person? I know I'm a villain but it's not for a bad reason. I'm just trying to save my Dad. I'm the one who hurt him so why can't I help him? Why is everything and everyone against me?" He ranted to the tiny racoon who hovered in front of his face.
"You've been hurt. Over and over again. And so far the only one who's given you any help is a super villain." Varian let out a small laugh. "I wish I could help you more, at least I can talk again."
"Ruddiger, if I didn't have you I'd have absolutely nothing. I'm sorry you keep getting wrapped up in all my messes. But…I'm glad you're here." Ruddiger beamed.
"You're my boy. I'll be here as long as you need me. Sure you've made some bad choices but it's not too late to make things right." Suddenly Varian grabbed his phone.
"You're right." He opened up a special app and started programming. "You were right the first time. I should never have infected Markov. I can't take it back but I can keep it from happening again." Ruddiger hovered around to see what he was doing. He hacked back into Markov's program but this time he was deleting all traces of the virus. He even went one step further and straightened his firewall so that nothing unwanted, even magical viruses could get in.
He wasn't as good as Max when it came to programming but Max didn't work with magic. There was a time when that was his motto. He let another laugh slip out.
"What was that for?"
"Oh, just appreciating the irony. I spent most of my life trying to convince people I wasn't a wizard and now I'm a magical Super Villain." He sighed but was still smiling. "This is my life now."
Once he was satisfied he closed the program. He really wished he could have apologized in person but that was off the table. At least Markov was safe now, it was the least he could do.
Suddenly his phone went off again. He was going to ignore it until he saw who it was.
"Luka?" He smiled fondly. He had only met up with the young musician a few times but Varian found him very easy to talk to. As much as he wanted to be alone right now he could at least reassure him that he was fine.
"Hey Luka."
"Hey Varian, are you OK?" Varian sighed.
"Yeah I'm fine. Sorry Adrien made you worry."
"I actually heard it from Nino." Varian rolled his eyes. He liked Nino but he really didn't know how to keep a secret.
"That must have been who he was talking to when I…when I left."
"I did tell him not to spread it any further. I don't know what happened but it sounded personal."
"Thanks for that and you're right, it is personal and I really don't want to talk about it right now."
"That's fine you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to." Varian sighed again, this time in relife. Luka always seemed to know what to say without any pressure. It was one of the reasons he felt more comfortable around him than some of the other kids he met.
"If you need some space that's fine too. I can hang up if you like."
"I…" he was about to say yes but the truth was it felt good hearing a friendly voice. "I'm not sure." Luka was quiet for a moment and Varian thought he heard a guitar being strummed in the background.
"Was there something else you wanted to talk about?" Varian's first thought was no but there was something, something buried deep just begging to be let out. "I won't tell anyone else if you don't want me to. But if you're not ready to share that's-"
"I MISS MY DAD!" Varian quickly covered his mouth not expecting to blurt that out so loudly. Tears started spilling over his cheeks now that the words had escaped his mouth. "I want to talk about it but I can't I…" It wasn't until not he realized just how much he wanted to tell someone, but he couldn't. Too many details could reveal him and Gabriel and as mad as he was he couldn't do that to the other man.
"Well how about you talk about something else. Can you tell me a little about you Dad?" Varian paused, that…might be OK. He'd just have to leave out the accident. Everyone already knew Gabriel was fostering him so…
"He's nothing like me. Hell, I don't even look like him. I apparently got every gene from my Mom except hair color and gender. He's a really big man. He always reminded me of a bear especially with that fur vest he always wore. He wasn't scary like a real bear though and when he hugged me it was so warm and safe. But he was strong and protective and not just with me everyone in the village looked up to him." He paused again, the smile slipping from his face. "They all said it was a shame Quirin's son was such a screw up." He heard Luka gasp on the other end.
"They really said that to your Dad?"
"They said that to my face!" he almost yelled before pulling back. "Sorry, I got sidetracked." It was a sore spot but not something he wanted to deal with right now. Focus on the happier parts.
"Alright," Luka said thankfully, not pressing the issue. "What are some happy memories you had with your Dad?" Varian smiled, tears still in his eyes.
"As much as I love science, the fall harvest was always special. While he always encouraged me to help more with the farm he never forced me. Most people would have forced me to quit but he knew how important it was to me. The only time I had to help was when it was time to harvest the apples. It was hard work but Dad would make the best apple pies and tarts along with Pumpkin soup and ham steaks. I could smell them all the way in my lab down in the basement. Come to think of it, he might have used them to get me to come up and get something to eat more often."
"Marinette did say they were your favorite, you buy them all the time. Do they remind you of home?"
"The good parts at least, but there were also some not so great things back home." Varian grew quiet again. "Luka, do you think it's selfish for me to want to stay here?"
"I don't know all the details but from what I've heard and what you've told me it might be better for you if you did."
"I still feel like I'm betraying my Dad for even thinking that."
"I can't say I know what your Dad would say but it sounds like he'd want you to be happy and safe. I take it he's not able to come here easily either." Varian shook his head forgetting he was on the phone for a moment.
"That's not possible right now. I'm now even sure if…what if it's already too late? What if I never see him again?" Luka was quiet again the sound of his guitar quietly strumming a sad tune.
"I can't promise everything will be OK Varian, but what I do know is you have friends and family here who will help you even if it's just to listen." At the mention of family Varian immediately thought of Gabriel, Adrien and Nathalie. His emotions were at war with each other once again.
"But I'm just a foster kid, I'm not…"
"Family doesn't always mean by blood. Families can grow and you're not replacing anyone by letting someone new in." As always Luka hit the nail on the head. Maybe that was another reason Gabriel's actions hurt so much, he was seeing him as more than a partner. And in one fell swoop he lost his best chance of freeing his birth Father and was let down by his surrogate Father as well.
"I have some things to think about. Thank you Luka, you've been more help than you could ever imagine."
"Not a problem and if you need to talk again I'll be here."
"I feel kind of bad always coming to you for advice, not sure I'd give the best back in return."
"Stop by for a jam session sometime and we'll call it even."
"You got it, thanks again."
"Be safe." As Varian hung up the phone he had a lot of conflicting feelings swirling through his head. Still he was grateful for Luka's patient ear. He had said a lot of things but the one that really stuck with him was the part of his friends being there for him. He was slowly starting to think that maybe, just maybe things could be different here.
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Nathalie was having one of her good days when she heard the commotion and discovered that Varian had stormed off. She tried calling and texting him to make sure he was alright but he wasn't answering. She had no other option than to go to Gabriel and find out what happened between those two.
She did have some ideas. The failed Robustus attack they had been meticulously planning was a harsh blow for all of them. It still baffled her why Gabriel would ignore Varian when he suspected a trap and as it turns out he was right. She doubted Varian took it very well.
She knocked on his door and he let her in. She could instantly tell he was not in the best shape. She saw an open liquor bottle on his dresser which thankfully still had most of its contents. It looks like she had gotten here just in time.
"You know that's not going to help." she said kindly but stern. "May I ask what happened between you and Varian?" He sighed and put the glass down. He knew she was right. It didn't help when he had lost Emily; it wasn't going to help him now.
"Chat Noir and the new Ladybug were threatening to destroy the Miraculous. Varian called their bluff but I didn't want to risk it. As a result we lost. Varian had some…choice words for me." he laughed bitterly. "That boy certainly has a mean streak and a sharp tongue when he's angry. I…" he paused, not exactly proud of what he said back. "I lost my temper and I said some cruel things back. He's so intelligent sometimes I forget, he's still just a child." Nathalie looked at him. Sometimes Gabriel could be a little childlike himself.
"Why didn't you believe him? You've seen how good he is at strategizing." Gabriel sighed.
"Honestly I don't know. There was a danger in both options. Either the Miraculous were destroyed or this was a trap. I thought I chose the safer option." He pushed the alcohol aside and grabbed an aspirin instead. "He accused me of not trusting him and trying to take the miraculous for myself."
During their argument it had sounded ludicrous and insulting but now that he's had a chance to think about it…
"From his perspective it might have seemed that way." Nathalie offered as she sat down on the bed, making Gabriel pause.
"I was only trying to protect the Miraculous but…perhaps in the back of my mind…"
"You were protecting them from him as well?" Gabriel's eyes widened. He had been after the Miraculous for so long only trusting himself. Letting Varian in was a gamble but he had to admit the boy had proven himself useful even if they still lost. He had a way of taking a loss and learning from it so they would still gain something.
While he wouldn't admit it out loud, Varian was smarter than him by leagues. If left alone there was no doubt he could gain the Miraculous for himself. In a way Shadow Moth might be the one slowing him down. Maybe it was that knowledge that made him a little fearful of Varian. Maybe, without realizing it, he had sabotaged himself.
"You might be right Nathalie but what should I do about it? I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to help reunite him with his father but what if he was right."
"Right about what?"
"What if the wish can only bring one person back? We know it was used before but at a cost. Could we each make a wish? The raw power of a Miraculous brought Varian here but can the wish reach another world?" He sighed. "He was right, again. While we know the wish is powerful and there's little doubt it can return Emily, we have very little information."
"We have the book and the translated text."
"Yes but surely if someone used the wish to create a miracle it would have been documented. Especially if "something bad' happened'" Nathalie pulled up the book on her tablet.
"I'll take a closer look. In the meantime-" she paused hearing a reply to her text. She opened it up and sighed in relief. "Varian's OK but he's not ready to come home yet." Gabriel looked at his watch, it was getting late. What should he do, should he go after him or would that be making things worse?
"Let him know he can come home anytime. Maybe arrange a room for him. I'll send a car if he needs one." Nathalie looked up skeptically.
"You're just going to let him run off in the middle of the night?"
"We can use his phone to know where he is but I promised Varian when he first came to my home he would never be locked in. He takes promises very seriously. If I break it, even with good intentions, he might leave for good." Nathalie still didn't agree but forwarded the information along to Varian.
"I know freedom is important to Varian but a parent should still set limits." Gabriel looked up surprised but it quickly became sad.
"I'm not Varian's father, he made that quite clear."
"You've still taken him into your home, you've fed and clothed him. He's being home schooled and he's been your partner in your war against Ladybug. You're the closest thing he's had to a parent in a long time." Gabriel sighed dramatically.
"And apparently I'm failing both of them! In less than a week both have run off and yelled at me." Nathalie chuckled lightly.
"The joys of raising teenagers." She said as she left him for the night.
Gabriel was up for a while staring at his phone only relaxing when he saw Varian had checked in. At least he wouldn't be sleeping on the street, like his first night. He started another text only for him to delete it just like the dozens before that. He wanted to apologize but he also wanted it to sound sincere. Something like this should be done in person but he didn't want to show up in the middle of the night and scare the boy away again. Still he should say something. Biting the bullet he sent a simple text after he was sure Varian was asleep.
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In an unassuming apartment in Paris a man was double and triple checking that everything was in order. He had a picture of his target and a copy of his schedule. It was easy enough to get and the building his target was in was very familiar to him. He had no doubt he could just walk right in, he'd done so many times before. But this time was different. This time he would have his prize and would revel at the idea of making Gabriel Agreste suffer.
He looked at the photo again and smiled so wide he was sure his face would split in two.
"Very soon Adrien, very soon…"
To be continued…
Next time: Varian decides he needs more information on the Miraculous and finds some interesting things in his research. All the while neither him nor Gabriel know that Adrien has been targeted by something far worse than an Akuma.
