Headmaster Muggle 2 - or 'In a World of Wizards and Magical Creatures, a Muggle takes care of a very bizarre school' (Harry Potter AU, SI!)
"Professor McGonagall, I believe this is a bit... too much?"
So, meeting Hermione was quite the expected event- for this 'first contact' to be building up over an effort of a ban felt a bit... difficult.
"I believe so too, Headmaster Bukharin," The Transfiguration Teacher remarked, and the brunette behind this plotting felt quite upset by this.
I mean, I couldn't exactly blame her as this was a situation I was blissfully unaware about. Perhaps in a light akin to the Witch Trainer AU, this Hogwarts did not have a 'plot-powered shield' for debauchery within its halls- but the point that was being made here was quite simple: Hermione wanted that Prefects hunted down any students that were planning to have sex within the walls of this castle and... prevent indecency.
The quandary was less on the 'issue' and more on the 'means to stop the issue'.
"Professor, this is needed to prevent students from... b-being too obscene. This school is a high institution-"
"But also a school to the core, and one that can't exactly fulfill the role of 'policing' the students in being all upright and be monitored 24/7. First, the Prefects are students too and that may lead to some moral issues within that aspect- at the same time, I don't need to explain how this is not how many reasonable schools in the mundane realm have handled this topic."
"S-Sir-"
"I am not saying that your point lacks merit, Ms. Granger," I interjected again, trying to keep this diplomatic. "But I have to be conscious to not create a dangerous precedent that may lead to some dangerous rules that would further curb students' rights. Which is why... Professor McGonagall," I turned to the old teacher. "I believe that we can reach out to acquire medical supply to prevent any 'surprises' in regard to sexual-related illnesses and... maybe, within the next meeting among teachers with the assistance of Madam Pomfrey, create a Sexual Education lesson mandated through medical specialists that can assist our students to understand the troubles of being too... frisky within the walls."
The Deputy Headmistress looked pleased by this. "I reckon this may be a good way to tackle this potential issue. In fact, I would dare to say that this may solve it completely."
"...Yes."
Hermione looked baffled, but overall 'annoyed' that her plan didn't go through. I had a feeling this plot was less on 'preserving ideals' and more on a subjective fashion. Despite how smart the brunette was, she was still a rather insecure girl, so it was simple for her to just... mess this kind of stuff up with her own emotional weight behind these topics. In the specific, I have a feeling it had to do with her upbringing as a 'good girl' and also on the 'lack of intimacy' reported with her current group of friends.
A bit of a femcel situation, but she wasn't utterly lost to that. I think.
The entire event was quite tense, but far from 'intense'. The girl was convinced, huffing and puffing, while McGonagall looked pleased with the peaceful resolution as this little 'problem' was solved for the time being. I thought that it would have been today's main mess. After all, it's been just two days since I got Luna's situation handled and things had been quite tame around.
My hope was dashed away when, around lunchtime, Professor Snape came through and he carried forth a pouting blonde of the chibi kind.
"My apologies, headmaster. I believe this student requires a proper lecture," The Potion Master announced, not even bothering greeting me as he got in the office with the lil' girl. "Miss Greengrass has been caught... using some unsavory spells on a fellow Slytherin."
"Oh?"
"Here's a parchment with the proper report. I shall leave her with you as... I have businesses to attend," The man just came in, dropped a loli, and then left with close to no elaboration.
Cue giga-chad meme...?
I could tell that the girl was as surprised by this dismissal as I was and yet appeared to be quite 'calm' around me. Smiling even.
"Headmaster!" She beamed... fakely.
"Young Ms. Greengrass. Please, take a seat."
"Okay~!"
So... fake. Why is she being so 'absurd' with her act?
As she sat down, I started to read the document. Astoria Greengrass, younger sister to Daphne Greengrass. She was roughly at her second year- just started, and she looked absolutely... devious. Her 'pedigree' at school was one of a notorious 'troublemaker' through her many 'attacks' against some female Slytherin members. It got to the point where Dumbledore was asked by a few parents to 'expel' her last year due to something related to 'plant attack'.
Tentacles made me frown a bit when they are mentioned that way...
"Ms. Greengrass. Please... state your own account of the most recent accident you were responsible for."
"Weeellll, I was minding my own business-"
Translation: I was walking around with a plan in mind-
"And I happened to find Ms. Parkinson wandering around with a lost look on her face-"
Translation: I found my target, who was Pansy Parkinson, and put her through Imperius curse-
"I didn't know what was up with her, but then she just started to bark like a puppy."
Translation: I told her to behave like a subsmissive bitch-
"And then she took out those odd toys and things out of her bag and removed her clothes! It was so weird, headmaster!"
Translation: I gave her fake dog ears and a dog-tail anal plug (where the hell did she find those, I don't know.) and told her to go nude like a proper bitch should. It was so cool, headmaster.
I am genuinely surprised that she pulled this off. I mean, for a girl her age to know about what an anal tailplug was, buying it without being noticed and have a student use it seemed a bit... off.
...
"Astoria."
The use of her first name cracked a bit at her mask. "Y-Yes?"
"I will half your punishment if you tell me two things. First, why did you do that? Second, where did you get this 'creative' idea from?"
...
"Really?"
"And with honesty this time around."
Her smile... vanished. A pretty scowl replaced it and she crossed her arms near her flat chest.
"Ugh, Pansy is a terrible student, headmaster! She has been saying so many ugly things to my sister and I saw fit to retaliate in her name," The little blonde admitted truthfully. "My sister was unaware of where this came from, and I learned through one of the oafs that wanders with Draco. Pansy is jealous of my sister and has given her indirect grief."
I leaned back on my chair. "I... see. And I suppose you didn't mention this to Daphne. How come?"
"I..." Astoria looked away, cheeks flaring red in embarrassment. "I-I knew that she would have just ignored it. Which is not fair. She should stand up to herself!"
I think I see what is going on here.
"Astoria, would it be correct that you think that your sister's lacking reaction feels like she is being that girl's doormat?"
"Yes!"
...
"Astoria, your sister was possibly planning her own retaliation in due time."
The loli opened her mouth and... stopped. "What?"
"I am sure you heard of the strange accidents that have happened to those that have caused her issues. Even long before you came to Hogwarts."
"...I did not."
I sighed. "Astoria, your sister is not a doormat. She is just smart enough to not leave a trace when she punishes someone that crosses her. You are a Slytherin, I thought that the bold headbutt method was a Gryffindor-only tactic."
"I-I am a Slytherin student!" The child rebuked angrily, and then defused as she realized the overall circumstance. "W-Wait, this mean that sister was always-"
"Protecting herself, and your little stunt will warrant retaliation from Ms. Parkinson."
She bowed her head in a degree of shame. "Oh."
...
"I believe that a punishment now would be a bit unwarranted, would it be?"
"...Maybe."
"I am glad we could both agree to not do anything too stupid in the future attempts of yours... however, I believe you can also avoid using magic to get what you want done without detection."
Astoria frowned, and I fished out a book that had been confiscated recently from the 'Pranking Twins'. It was a mundane book at that, one about 'practical pranks'.
"A book written by a muggle?" The blonde voiced out flatly. "Why would it be helpful? In fact, Muggles are-"
"Let me ask you this, which house are you on?"
"...Slytherin."
"And what is your house known for?"
"Cunning and... plotting."
I nodded. "And if someone was attacked by a muggle prank, would they think it was the work of a Slytherin?"
"...No," Astoria mumbled, her eyes widening in realization. "I could use it to show off those harlots!"
I slowly nodded. "Yes, but!"
She tensed up and I smiled.
"You need to promise me that you will never use anything too excessive. You are here to send a message, not damage someone's mind for an insult- likewise, nothing deadly."
"S-Sure... Headmaster?"
"Yes, Astoria?"
"Why are you... helping me?" The girl asked nervously as I passed the book across the table for her to pick up. "I-I mean, I don't mind but-"
"I have a little sister. Siblings are treasures, older or younger," I assured truthfully, surprising the girl. "Now, I don't need to explain that there's tact to handle this to protect them too in the potential ramifications. So, I will call it as a 'mistaken situation' and you shall never use any of the ministry-restrained spells for anything but extreme cases. Got it?"
Astoria beamed at the peptalk. "Yes sir!"
My smile widened at that and-
"Also, about the idea..." The little blonde hummed. "I... Found it on a magazine my sister had."
Oh?
"A magazine, Astoria?"
She nodded. "It was odd. There was this girl doing strange things with men, they were all nude and-"
"Astoria," I stopped her with a firm call, the girl obliging. "Was there a symbol like a red circle with a 18 in it?"
"...I think so."
"I see," I hummed. "Well, I think I have to assign a bit of a 'punishment' to your sister."
The girl tensed up. "W-Why?"
"Let's just say what you found was nothing dark but that it was not meant for someone your age because, from what I can tell, you didn't pick up the meaning of it and this may have ramifications in the long run. So, the next time you are speaking privately with your sister, you will tell her that the headmaster has ordered her to give you the 'Talk' about Bird and Bees."
"...What's that?"
"Just tell her that. For the rest, we are done here, Astoria."
She stood up from her chair. "Is that so? I thought that you would have still punished me."
"Are you going to make this stupid thing again?"
"No-"
"Then there's no point in doing it. You know it is wrong, why it is wrong and why you should not do it ever again. Don't let me catch you being a silly student again or I will punish you. Understood?"
"Yes sir~!"
She left with a genuine smile plastered on her face and... I leaned back in relief.
Ah yes, another success!
Later that night, I went to sleep with glee at having helped a student like that and... I frowned myself awake when I saw Luna was not as nude in bed like the usual.
"Luna?"
"Yes, John?"
"...What are you wearing?"
It was one of those white negligee lingere thingy.
"Since you said that sleeping nude is odd, I researched for something that may cover a bit and I found this. Is this too much?"
"...I am fine with this."
She beamed softly. "I am glad."
I closed my eyes, trying to find sleep-
"Would you like to suckle from my breast before sleeping? I have found a page that suggested this may ease men into sleeping better and-"
I pulled her close in the hug, silencing her with it and resuming the cuddling. I could tell Luna is sexually-inepted, but she was sure threading odd grounds in that regard.
Much to my delight, she was more than rejoicing at the feeling of cuddle-sleeping rather than pursue more.
AN
The chores of a good headmaster never ends...
