(The following is a work of fanfiction and love. Fire Emblem Awakening and all related terminology remain property of Nintendo and Intelligent Systems. Please don't sue me.)


WARNING: The following story will eventually contain gratuitous foul language, coarse humor and vivid scenes of gore and other stuff that may make people uncomfortable, including depictions of mental illness and self harm. And lemony stuff. You have been warned.


Metallover's Self Insert Adventure Dark


Chapter 1

"Oh fuck. Oh my head. Ow. Ow. Ow."

I groaned, futilely raising a hand to shield my eyes from the sunlight.

"Well. Shit. Guess I'm dead."

I let out a long sigh, letting my hand drop back to the ground and doing my best to ignore the blinding light from above me.

I'd go into the light when I was good and fucking ready, thank you very much.

At least I didn't feel any pain. I always thought being literally eviscerated, gutted like a fish, would hurt a lot more than it had. God bless the human nervous system for sending me into shock almost immediately.

Although looking at my insides being on my outside was fairly distressing.

I shuddered, not yet willing to open my eyes.

If this were heaven, or paradise, or wherever good boys and girls went when they died, I'd probably be fine. Maybe a new scar to add to the roster. If this was hell… well, I'd probably be feeling it by now.

With a low groan, I decided that nothing would happen if I just lay there, and risked cracking my eyes a little.

A cheery mid-summer sky, a few wisps of fluffy white cloud drifting lazily through the blue, met my gaze. A cool breeze blew, the leaves above me swaying in the wind and causing the shade to drift with it.

"Well, at least this isn't Hell," I sighed, closing my eyes again.

I lifted my hands, feeling oddly sluggish about it, and patted down my stomach. When my fingers didn't find a giant gaping cavity, I opened my eyes again, looking down at my ruined coat and shirt. This had to be some kind of trick, some kind of joke of the demons in charge of torturing me in hell.

My stomach was whole. No marks, no scars.

No scars.

I knew for a fact I'd had a couple of smaller stab and arrow scars on my gut. Now they were gone.

My groping hands travelled up my torso to my chest, finding only chest hair and dense muscle. I blinked in astonishment, pulling my hands out of the ruined remains of my clothes and looking down at my knuckles. Smooth, unblemished skin covered my hands and arms. My consciousness drifted to the rest of my body, amazingly finding none of the aches and pains I'd become used to after years of fighting and training. Not even a twinge in my back.

"Holy fuck is this actually heaven?" I breathed, looking around.

The only response I was given was another gust of wind, the trees rustling around me.

"This is weird," I said after another moment.

Experimentally, I clambered to my feet. When my guts didn't fall out around my shoes, I made a small thoughtful noise and started to move my arms and legs around in little circles. Feeling like a dumbass, I took a moment to inspect my utterly trashed clothes. There were tears in my jeans around my knees, not surprising really. My jacket was simply fucked, and as I rose it actually fell off of me in tatters. A shame; I'd really grown attached to it. My shirt had fared slightly better, but still, I'd need a new one pretty fast. It only had one sleeve left and covered my chest and half my stomach, but since I'd lost the gut it wasn't so embarrassing as it could have been. I reached around to my back, letting out a relieved sigh as my fingers brushed the comforting, familiar contours of my trench knives. Everything else was gone. Even my scabbard.

"This is weird," I repeated, looking around.

I pinched my cheek, stubble grating beneath my fingers. It hurt. I slapped my face. It hurt. I flicked my balls. It…

"Agh, that was dumb," I groaned as I doubled over.

hurt.

I took a deep breath rising back up. I was alive.

"I'm alive!" I laughed. "Yeah! Fuck yeah! Fuck you, Grima, you scaly six eyed bitch! Whoo! Fuck! Yeah! Eat my ass!"

As my delirious laughter died down, I let my head droop, running a hand over my smooth head, blinking back tears.

"I'm alive," I said, choking up.

I ran my hands over my face and then over my stomach again, just to be sure everything was where it was supposed to be.

Then I promptly fell to my knees and started dry-heaving.

"Holy shit, that was too close," I groaned between heaves.

Fortunately, there apparently wasn't a lot in my stomach to puke up. I think it was more just the shock of the fact I was still alive, and all in one piece, that did it.

But that raised the question: how was I not injured at all? Had Naga done some sort of weird healing shit? And perhaps more importantly, where the fuck was I?

The most obvious scenario was I had been dropped somewhere along the Plegian or Feroxi coast. Slightly less likely was I'd been deposited somewhere along the east Valm coast or on one of the Southern Islands. But, really, there was old magic involved and I could be fucking anywhere.

I took a deep breath, flopping backwards against the trunk of the tree I was beneath, and tried to piece together what had happened to me.

We'd assaulted Grima, all piss and vinegar and righteous fury, and as per the game-script we'd had our asses initially handed to us. Then Naga had shown up, fixed us up, and Robin and I had coordinated a two-pronged assault that had utterly decimated Grima's most powerful Risen. Then we'd rushed Grima's Avatar, the corrupted time-travelling version of Robin and…

And…

"Oh fuck," I whispered, my eyes slowly widening.

And I had been the one to accidentally land the killing blow when Grima had gotten a lucky shot on me.

"Okay. Shit. What did this do to the timeline?" I wondered aloud.

Naga had been very specific that nothing from this world aside from Grima's own energy would kill the evil dragon. Hell, nothing aside from Naga's own power could even hurt the smarmy, scaly fuck. But, using Lord of the Rings logic, I'd been secretly keeping my own potential ability to hurt Grima, even in the long odds, to myself. Judging from the way Grima's Avatar had reacted when I'd stabbed her, I'd accomplished something. Something aside from pissing her off enough to encourage her blasting me point-blank with enough force to disembowel me, that is.

Damn I was really hung up on that. Must've been some PTSD or something.

So, then, had Grima sent me away? But why was I healed? And why so far, apparently, inland?

With another groan I rose back to my feet and dusted myself off.

Sitting there and pondering what had happened wouldn't get me anywhere.

If I wanted answers, I'd have to go find them.

"Ugh. Life sucks," I groaned, stepping out into the sunlight and shielding my eyes.

I just hoped everyone was alive and, at worst, I'd missed the fireworks when Robin finished Grima off. Worse came to worst, I could at least train baby Lucina myself and make her a slightly more well-rounded person as well as the killing machine I'd come to know and tolerate…

With a little smirk at how familiar this felt to when I'd first arrived in Ylisse, I chose a direction at random and started walking.


I walked for a few hours, silently feeling the guilt mount as I enjoyed a leisurely stroll through what I was now sure was Ylissean countryside, all while my closest friends and allies still potentially fought for the fate of this world against Grima.

Even though I had, in fact, done a fair bit of work in that fight I still felt guilty about not being there at the end.

It was odd, though, that I was back in Ylisse. I mean, back in Ylisse without the fanfare and the work and the 'hey we just saved the world!' It felt weird being back in Ylisse alone. It had been so long since I'd been alone I'd almost forgotten how much I enjoyed it. I gave a deep, content sigh as I stopped and leaned my head back, just allowing myself to bask in the moment.

The sun warming me, despite my rags…

The breeze washing over me…

The scent of wildflowers and the distant pines of the mountains…

"Hail, friend!"

I opened one eye and half-heartedly glared at the person interrupting my very rare opportunity to bask in my own presence. This weak, one-eyed glare soon turned into a wide-eyed expression of disbelief for a moment before I got it under control.

Chrom, Lissa and Frederick were approaching me, all smiles and waving and without even meaning to I found myself smiling and waving back.

"Oh, thank fuck," I groaned, moving to meet them. "You guys have no idea how worried I was! So? Did we win?"

"I'm sorry?" Chrom asked, face twisting with a slight hint of confusion.

"You know, against big, scaly and ugly," I said, eyes narrowing. "Where's everyone else? Back at the capital already?"

Chrom and Frederick exchanged a glance, and from their stances I could tell something was wrong. They were too wary, too… too tense. Lissa drifted behind the pair a little, Chrom and Frederick stepping forward.

"What's going on, guys?" I asked slowly.

"Perhaps you could tell us?" Chrom suggested slowly.

I opened my mouth to respond, but blinked a few times instead. Now that the trio were closer, I could tell they looked somewhat… different. Younger. Lissa's hair was shorter, her hips narrower. Chrom's arms, while still muscular, were still thin. Frederick didn't have frown lines or crow's feet.

Then it hit me.

The epilogue for the game.

Where Robin, the player character, wakes up in the field again.

Back at the start of the game.

"Oh, fuck the pope," I groaned, running a hand over the top of my head.

It had been so long since I'd been back in my own world, so long since I'd considered the plot of the game, that I'd actually forgotten that this could happen. Of course, I hadn't been expecting this to happen to me, considering I hadn't intended on killing Grima in the first place, but still…

"Enough of this!" Frederick growled, stepping forward. "You will not use such foul language in front of-"

The big knight brought his hand up to grab my scruff, and I acted on heavily-trained, overly-drilled instinct. I grabbed Frederick's wrist and, using his momentum and weight against him, I flipped him over my shoulder and onto the grass with a perfect Judo throw that Say'ri had taught me. Then as part of the same movement, again totally on instinct, I twisted that arm around in a police hold and jammed the big man's face into the dirt as I stuck my knee into the small of his armored back. Grinding my kneecap against his armor was far from pleasant, but he wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

Okay, maybe some repressed desires were making their way to the forefront here after all the shit he'd put me through over the years…

The simple fact that I'd thrown Frederick, Frederick of all people, so easily and now had him stuck in such a simple hold proved unequivocally that this was the past.

I glanced up at the sound of a sword being unsheathed, holding up my free hand non-threateningly. While still keeping a very angry Frederick pinned.

"Easy, sorry," I said slowly. "This is a misunderstanding. You three look… similar to my friends, and I'm not wearing my glasses. Spectacles. Whatever. So… sorry."

"So let my friend up," Chrom said evenly.

"What about it, bub? You gonna hit me if I let you up?" I asked, glancing down at the back of Frederick's head.

"Yes!" he growled dangerously, kicking his legs ineffectually.

"Then you can stay in the dirt for a while," I shrugged, tightening my hold and looking back at Chrom.

A thought occurred to me. A number of thoughts, actually. What now? Were we still fated to fight against Grima again? Was Lucina still going to travel back in time? What about Robin? Would they even be the same people I remembered? Would they remember me? What about the others? Clearly Chrom, Frederick and Lissa didn't, so would anyone else? If nothing else, I needed these questions answered.

"Hey, have you guys seen a woman with white hair around here anywhere?" I asked pleasantly, like I wasn't still pushing Frederick into the dirt. "She's a friend of mine, and I'm kinda worried about her."

"We haven't seen anyone, no," Chrom said, his tone still even, perhaps even bemused. "We would be happy to help you look in exchange for releasing out friend, though."

"I object!" Frederick growled.

"Noted," I smirked, getting off his back.

Frederick was up just as fast as I was in a surge of steel and anger, and despite the fact I was clearly over-leveled compared to him I made a mental note not to underestimate him.

"Milord, I object to this plan!" Frederick started. "We know-"

"Nothing of who I am, where I'm from or what I want," I cut him off. "Let me save you time. I'm Ben, I'm from Ylisstol and I want to find my friend. I'm not a bandit and I'm not here to hurt the Prince or Princess. Capeesh?"

Frederick snarled, stepping between me and the other two as Chrom chuckled and shook his head.

"Will you relax already?" I asked. "I'm from Ylisstol. Kinda hard not to know who these two are."

"Liar," Frederick spat. "I've never seen you before."

"Oh, and I suppose you know everyone in the city by name?" I asked with a smirk.

"Well, no, but…" Frederick mumbled.

"Enough, Frederick," Chrom said, placing a hand on the knight's shoulder.

"But, milord," he protested weakly.

"Down, boy," I chuckled. "Heel. Good knight."

"I will kill you," Frederick growled.

"You can try," I shrugged.

"I said enough," Chrom said, somewhat more forcefully as he put himself between us.

"Sorry," I sighed. "I'm kinda… keyed up right now."

"You are worried about your friend," Chrom nodded, misunderstanding completely. "I understand."

There was a moment of awkward silence, all of us eyeing each other. Chrom and Frederick exchanged a glance, and I used the opportunity to lean around Chrom and give Lissa a friendly little grin. She blinked in surprise as I leaned back and gave Chrom my best winning 'Chrom-smile'.

"Sooooooo… about my friend?" I asked.

"Yes," Chrom nodded.

"It could still be a trap, milord," Frederick cautioned.

"Dude, if I wanted you dead I would've done it when I had you in the dirt," I scoffed.

Frederick's lips pressed into a thin line as he blushed in shame and rage, and Chrom shot me a warning glance. I was pretty sure I heard Lissa snicker from behind her brother, though.

"Just sayin'," I shrugged.

"We cannot ignore a person in need," Chrom said slowly. "What does your friend look like?"

"About yea tall," I said, holding my hand just above my head. "White hair in twintails, hourglass figure, most beautiful woman you'll ever meet. Wears a black cloak that's a size too big for her."

"I… see," Chrom said slowly.

Lissa huffed, pushing past Chrom to speak to me.

"What's her name?" she asked.

"Robin," I supplied, grinning at the younger girl.

"And what happened to your clothes!?" Lissa asked, suddenly aghast. "Are you hurt!?"

"Oh, there's bandits around here," I shrugged, lying through my teeth. "I'm fine. Got my ass kicked a little, but I sent em packing. After they took all my shit. My clothes copped the worst of it. It's why I'm worried about my friend, though."

"Then we have to find her," Lissa said, pointedly glaring at Chrom and Frederick.

"She's probably around here somewhere," I said helpfully.

"Then we will spread out and look," Chrom nodded.


We spread out and started combing through the light underbrush for nearly an hour, slowly making our way through the field. It was weird being around these people, who had been such a huge part of my life for so long, and having myself mean nothing to them. To them, I was a stranger. A weird, irreverent, random guy they'd picked up out in the wilderness.

Oh god.

I was a medieval hitch-hiker.

I had to quash a small feeling of resentment more than a few times at the idea that they didn't remember me. It wasn't really their fault. For all I knew, I'd gone back in time. Of course they wouldn't know me.

Oh god, what does it say about my life when time-travel barely phases me anymore? I thought to myself as we searched, shaking my head a little. My life has become a fucking DC comic and I don't even care. Oh god. I came back to life. I was Jason Todd.

Eventually, smack bang in the middle of the field, Chrom called out, waving his hand high to call us over. Frederick and Lissa both beat me there, the big knight even stopping to give Lissa a lift on his horse.

I looked down at the beautiful sleeping features of the woman that had once been my best friend as I approached, ignoring the opening cinematic as it played out right before me.

Robin lay in the long grass, her sleeping face peaceful and her chest rising and falling as if nothing were amiss.

"Well? What do we do?" Lissa asked, leaning over her.

"What do you mean?" Chrom asked.

"Well we can't just leave her there!" Lissa squawked.

I cleared my throat, grinning and ignoring the conflicting emotions I was currently feeling as I stepped forward.

"Allow me," I offered.

Chrom nodded as I knelt down next to Robin, gently brushing a few strands of hair from her face before, with a spin of my wrist as a flourish, I pinched her nose closed.

"Um, I don't think…" Chrom started, trailing off when I held up my finger for silence.

I heard Lissa stifling her giggles, and just as I began to grow concerned that Robin would suffocate due to some stupid joke, her eyes shot open and she sucked a huge breath in through her mouth.

"What!? What!?" Robin gasped, looking at the faces surrounding her.

I mentally braced myself for what I knew was about to happen. If this was way back at the beginning of the game, she'd still be amnesiac. Which meant she wouldn't remember any of us. She wouldn't remember me.

"Morning, sleepy-head," I grinned, leaning back a little. "Rise and shine."

"There are better places to take a nap than the ground, you know," Chrom added with his genial Chrom-smile.

I rolled my eyes, shouldering the younger man aside as I offered Robin my hand.

"C'mon, Robin, up and at em," I sighed. "We've got shit to do."

The white-haired woman looked up at me with vacant eyes, hesitantly reaching out to take my hand as if by reflex.

I felt another pang in my chest as I gently pulled Robin up. This Robin was so different from the one I had known. It was her eyes. So blank. So listless and dispirited. Her movements had none of the vital energy that had characterized the woman I had loved like family, like a sister. It hurt me to look at her, but if nothing else I had become an adept liar in Ylisse, and I smiled reassuringly at her.

"Th-thank you, but… do I know you?" she asked slowly. "And who… who is Robin? Is that me?"

"What?" I asked, dropping her hand. "What're you talking about?"

"I… I don't know," Robin mumbled. "I don't… remember? Who are you?"

A note of panic tinged her voice as her eyes widened and she took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Who am I?" she asked. "Why don't I remember anything?"

I stepped forward, not having to fake the concern on my face as I placed my hands on her shoulders.

"Robin. Stop. Take a breath," I instructed her. "Your name is Robin. You know that."

"No, I don't!" she cried.

"Oh! I've heard of this! It's called amnesia!" Lissa piped up from somewhere behind me.

"It's called a load of pegasus dung," Frederick grumbled. "Milord, milady, I believe we are being taken for a con here-"

"Shut the fuck up!" I snarled over my shoulder.

I felt Robin jump a little at my sudden shout under my hands, but, when I turned back to her, she was looking at me with open curiosity. She was just a shade taller than me, though, so she was looking down at me.

"Who are you?" she asked again, tilting her head a little.

"You know me, Robin," I told her, my voice becoming somewhat ragged. "It's Ben. I'm your friend, dammit."

Oddly enough, I didn't have to fake the desperation I was radiating. I realized that I really did want Robin to remember me. I wanted someone to remember what we had gone through together, what we had, all of us, already sacrificed. Even if we had to do it all again.

Robin looked down a little, and shook her head.

"I'm sorry… but I don't… remember…"

A crushing feeling of loneliness almost overwhelmed me but I clenched my teeth and stomped it down, hiding the borderline despair I was feeling by taking a deep breath.

"Well, I've heard of this kind of thing, but I've never seen it in reality before," I said, almost conversationally. "Did you take a blow to the head or something?"

Robin glanced back up, her fingers experimentally probing through her thick white hair to feel her head. After a moment she shook her head, frowning again.

"I don't think so," she said.

She seemed calmer. Robin had always been slow to panic or anger, but whenever she had it had always been easy to bring her back down with calm logic. Clearly, that was something intrinsic to her personality, rather than learned.

I nodded, cupping my chin and stroking my beard.

"Okay, then maybe it's magical?" I suggested.

I spun, as if I had just remembered the three Shepherds were there.

"Um. Princess Lissa, if it's not too much trouble…" I said, indicating her staff.

"Oh! Yeah, maybe it'll help!" the princess said cheerfully.

Frederick scowled and stomped forward towards me, glaring down the entire time.

"Very well, but you will be taking three steps back," he growled at me. "I still do not trust you."

"Frederick, you don't trust anyone but the Shepherds," Chrom laughed.

I smirked, too, as I stepped back the demanded three steps. But it was a cold, humorless smirk.

"Remember, if I wanted you dead…" I said, just loud enough so that only Frederick would hear me.

I swear, I heard his teeth grinding from a meter away.

If I knew Frederick, and by now I knew him pretty damn well, I wouldn't be able to enjoy being a higher level than him for long. So, I would just have to lord it over him as long as I could.

Lissa skipped up obliviously, Chrom sticking protectively close, and held her staff up to Robin. The tactician in question just blinked placidly, watching as if all of this were happening to someone else. A small, pale blue light emitted from the gem at the top of Lissa's staff, moving to envelop Robin's head for a moment. The taller woman smiled gently at the comforting feel of the healing magic, and all too soon it was done.

"There! How's that?" Lissa chirped. "Remember anything yet?"

Robin scrunched up her face in thought for a moment before sighing and shaking her head.

"No, it appears not," she said dejectedly.

"I did hear that sometimes a blow to the head could rattle some memories loose," I suggested, leaning around Frederick with a grin.

"I am not letting you hit me in the head," Robin frowned.

"Good, at least you're still as smart as you ever were," I laughed.

I leaned back, grinning up at Frederick.

"Permission to approach my friend?" I asked.

He just glared down at me, eyes narrowing.

"Ah! That's a yes!" I laughed, slipping around the taller man.

Once again, I was sure I could hear Frederick's rage. I was pretty damn sure I could feel it in his aura, too. Man, it felt good to finally be better than the pretentious jackoff, but I knew it wouldn't last.

And I would suffer for it eventually.

But right now, it was the only good thing about this whole kerfuffle.

"How're you feeling?" I asked, approaching Robin. "Any aches? Pains? Any sudden urges to destroy all of humanity?"

Lissa gave an amused, very un-lady-like snort as Robin smirked a little.

"No aches or pains, although that last one…" she trailed off.

"Yeah, I get that one, too," I shrugged.

On a whim I stepped forward, brushing the grass and twigs out of her hair. She just looked at me with that same blank, curious expression and I rolled my eyes as I tugged the lapels of her coat into place, before patting the dirt off it.

"God, look at you," I frowned. "You're a mess, girl. I see now you really have lost your memory to treat your coat this bad. You love this thing."

"You said you knew me," Robin asked, a slight hint of amusement coloring her tone. "Just how close were we?"

I gave her my best lopsided, cheeky grin.

"Close enough to constantly piss off your… father," I said, stumbling at the end.

I had been about to say 'husband'. This Robin, this version of Robin, didn't have a partner yet. They hadn't even met yet.

I smiled again, somewhat sadly this time, as I finished patting the dirt off her beloved coat, I gently rested my hands on her shoulders.

"It'll be okay," I told her gently. "We'll figure this out."

Robin nodded and smiled brightly.

"I believe you," she said.

As Robin stepped in and wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug, I couldn't help but wonder to myself what the fuck am I even doing?

"Aw, that's so sweet!" Lissa cooed.

"And just like that, the moment is gone," I laughed.


AN: Okay! New-old story time! Yay! More self insertiness! Yes, I'm sorry for the lame name. It was a placeholder, because I suck at names, but it kinda stuck. Eagle-eyed readers will recognize the first two chapters from the 'preview chapters' I posted (and have subsequently deleted) from my Apocryphal Tales story. Yup, they live here now.

So, this story was, and still is, a way to get my Patrons more involved in my writing. Every month for the last two-plus years I've been doing up a chapter of this story, and my amazing Patrons have voted on stuff like plots, characters, outcomes of situations, etc.

Basically, the idea was 'what if SI!Ben got new-game-plused, and he was damaged'? So, post-game refresh, but all his old stats hung around, as well as all his old memories. And all his PTSD from constant fighting for so long. And he and [SPOILER REDACTED] both pretty much just went "NOPE! NOT DOING THAT AGAIN!" and fucked off on their own adventure.

Every month I'll post another chapter of this here, at the same time I post the new-new chapter of the story on (P)atreon, which is at this point waaaaaaaaaaay ahead.

Follow me on twitter to find out how you can support my work! -metalloverwrite

There's a Discord channel you can join to chat, too! It's pretty chill, but it's hella fun.

Check it all out, links are all on my bio page! Thanks for reading, and Nagaspeed!