Author's note: This has been sitting around in my folder forever, and since I have writers block on my other project, I decided to fix it up and post it. Hope you like it.

Also, I've changed the weights of some of the vehicles because having a tank that's almost as large as a Baneblade weigh only 60 tons is retarded.


Prologue

So you want to know how all this happened? Alright then. I'll tell you. Grab some beer and snacks, because this is going to take a while to explain.

It all started when I woke up. I was wholly expecting to wake up in my bed because, well, that's where I went to sleep as I usually do. So you can imagine my surprise when I opened my eyes, and saw that I was standing near the end of a long, rectangular, and ornately-carved wooden table. A quick glance around told me that something was wrong other than the fact that there was nothing but darkness in every direction, save for an unidentifiable light source that shone from above, and illuminated the table I was at. I think I remembered seeing a scene like this in a TV show when I was little, but I couldn't remember what show it was.

Seated at the other end of the table was a familiar-looking individual. He was an average built, fair-skinned man who was dressed in some sort of body armor with a purple jacket over it, and had an orange bandana around his neck. His left arm and eye appeared to be prosthetic due to the similar fake way both looked to be, while his remaining organic eye was a glowing yellow. The right side of his head was completely shaven, and had a tattoo of a smiley face on it, while the rest was covered in messy red hair. Finally, to complete this image, he had barely visible stubble on his face, and big bushy red eyebrows.

As for what he was doing? The guy was smoking a blunt the size of a Cuban cigar.

In other words, I was facing Randy Random from Rimworld.

This did not bode well.

After taking a seat at the end of the table, the next few seconds consisted of me just sitting there awkwardly until Randy took one last drag from his blunt, put it out, and finally started to speak.

"Congratulations [Insert Name Here]. You have been randomly selected to be placed in charge of your own custom made civilization. You get to choose your name, race, tech tree, 3 other pieces of technology, what kind of civilization you'll be ruling over, and an additional starting advantage." He then leaned forward, and grinned with malicious intent. "I'll be choosing what kind of planet you'll be getting, what universe you'll be going to, and what the difficulty will be!"

Yup, I was right. This was not going to be ending well.

"Okay... " I began slowly, and looked around for a few moments to try and stomach what I just heard. 'Is this for real?', I questioned myself. It sure felt surprisingly sudden but I decided against pressing for more. Something about the sureness in his voice just told me he was being honest about it. "Is there a form I fill out or what?"

Randy snapped his fingers, and a gold-plated, high end-looking laptop appeared on the table in front of me. I grabbed it, and looked at the screen. The first thing it wanted me to enter was my name. I considered using my original name for a moment, but then decided against it, and entered in "Thalleous Sendaris" instead. I nodded in satisfaction at that. Now that was a proper sounding name. It made me sound charismatic, intelligent, educated, cultured, and like I actually knew what the hell I was doing. Plus, it gave me an extra layer of protection. Had I used my original name, one could only imagine how much leverage someone of the higher kind would have gotten with that knowledge.

Next up was the option to choose my race, and boy was there ever a selection to choose from. I saw plenty of well-known races from popular series such as the Na'vi from Avatar, the Prawns from District 9, and even the Psychlos from Battlefield Earth. The Krogan from Mass Effect were sadly absent. I guess that made sense considering some of the details about that particular species. The pre-Genophage Krogan would be stupidly overpowered in just about any universe due of their insane birth rate, along with the fact that they were absurdly hard to kill. After spending a little longer looking through the available roster, I decided that I didn't like any of these races due to how many flaws each had compared to their qualities, and leaned back in my chair for a moment so I could ponder some more about it. 'Ok', I thought, I needed to be careful about this. If I selected a race I didn't like, I'd be stuck that way for the rest of my natural, and possibly unnatural life. Which was far from the best or ideal circumstance.

Then I got an idea. It seemed silly at first but what if there was a way I could 'force' the system right? I decided to give it a shot. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a memory stick, and plugged it into the side of the laptop. For the first couple of seconds nothing happened. Then, all of a sudden, two new races appeared on the list; The Brutals, and the Ifrit.

First up were the Brutals. They were a genetically modified warrior race I had thought up for an original science fiction setting. Their backstory was that aliens had abducted ancient humans, and used their DNA to create a genetically modified race of dedicated warriors so they could conquer a large portion of the universe. You know, typical evil alien empire stuff. They had all the sort of enhancements you'd expect from sci-fi super soldiers such as greatly enhanced strength, a reinforced skeleton and joints, enhanced running speed, much higher load capacity, PTSD immunity, centuries long lifespans, toxin resistance, strong immune systems, immunity to psychic bullshit, enhanced reaction times, natural night vision, regenerative abilities, large size, and the list went on for quite a while. Just think of them as mass produced versions of 40k space marines, and you won't be too far off. Unfortunately there were some downsides to all of this power. One of them was an increased caloric intake, which basically meant the Brutals ate more food than a regular human. But that was a minor complaint compared to the other one; They were insanely territorial, mindlessly aggressive, hard to control, and really didn't like the idea of taking marching orders from a bunch of weird aliens who were too squeamish to fight their own battles. Just think of other aggressive warlike races like the Saiyans from DBZ, Orcs from DnD, and Africanized Killer Bees, and you won't be too far off. Ultimately they were deemed to be not worth the effort, dumped onto an uninhabited planet in a barren galaxy, and forgotten about.

If this were Dungeons and Dragons, the Brutals would be the fighter class, with a bit of mage killer thrown in.

Then there was the Ifrit. They were an alien race I had thought up from scratch, but never really put into a setting. They were a race of winged humanoids who looked a lot like demons from the bible, and by that I mean they had red skin, claws instead of finger and toe nails, long pointed ears, pointed teeth with fangs, forked tongues, black sclera with predominately red eyes, and distorted sounding voices. Think Sunset Shimmer in her demon form, and you won't be too far off. Biologically, they had both mammalian and reptilian features. They were part mammal in that they had hair, three boned middle ears, and mammary glands. They were also part reptile, in that they were cold blooded, oviparous, laid eggs, and could regrow lost limbs. There was more to it than that, but that's a basic summary. They were much stronger, and tougher than humans, though you wouldn't be able to tell that by looking at them. They were also insanely long lived, and had genius level intellect. But their most noteworthy feature was their completely, and utterly off the wall psychic powers, because not only were they overall very powerful, but also possessed nearly every psychic ability you could find in fiction. In typical fashion, they had a very high opinion of themselves, and considered other races to be insects not even worth ruling over. Think of other highly advanced psychic races like the Eldar from 40k or the Protoss from Starcraft, and you'll have a good idea what this race is all about.

The Ifrit were obviously the mage class here.

I looked between these two races for a while, trying to decide which I wanted to be the most, but I couldn't make a decision. Then I got an idea. I reached into my pocked, pulled out a quarter, and then flipped it into the air. If it landed on heads, I'd be a Brutal. If it landed on tails, I'd be an Ifrit.

The quarter tumbled through the air for more than a second before finally landing on the table, and settling on heads.
Alright, the Brutals it was then. Don't worry, I'll do the Ifrit next time.

I didn't see Randy object to this perspective, seemingly too busy lighting another blunt while I was busy with these decisions, so I guess he was ok with it.

After that, it was time to select my tech tree. Once again I saw technologies from popular franchises and, like before, all the overpowered stuff was absent, which sucked. I really wanted that Imperial Star Destroyer damn it. So, after some deliberation, I ultimately selected the UNSC tech tree from Halo. Yeah, I know, crossovers with Halo had been done to death. But I had a very good reason for selecting the bland boring oatmeal of the sci-fi universe, mainly that they didn't need some magical wonder maguffin to build their machines. For example; If I used the Brotherhood of Nod tech tree, I'd be shit out of luck if I wound up in a universe without Tiberium in it. Or how about if I used the Terran tech tree from Starcraft, and wound up in a universe without Vespene gas. I'd be completely screwed. So yeah, the UNSC tech tree might not have been the most original choice ever, but it was the safest given the situation I was in.

Now with everything I just said, I was fully aware that my chosen tech tree had some serious flaws that needed to be ironed out. The two biggest problems I could see was the UNSC had less than stellar space warfare capabilities, if their disastrous war with the Covenant was any indication, and the fact that despite being set hundreds of years into the future, they were still using mostly 20th century firearms. Yeah, I wasn't going to be letting either of those problems stand, especially the former one.

Now it was time to select my 3 random pieces of technology, and I already knew just which ones I wanted.

The first piece of technology I picked the Super Dimension Energy Cannon tech from the Macross series. It may not have been the most powerful weapon in all of fiction, but it was still way up there, and it decisively solved my space warfare problem. The second piece of technology I selected was Digistruct technology from the Borderlands series. I could have easily chosen laser or rail weapons from another series, but Digistruct technology had a very wide array of applications outside of just being able to carry around a large stockpile of weapons, and ammunition. For the third piece of technology I wasn't quite sure what to select. But after a minute of careful consideration, I selected the Nexus Cores from the Assault Android Cactus game. I knew UNSC AIs, or at least the smart ones, suffered from this thing called Rampancy. So I selected AI tech that didn't suffer from that problem, and as an added bonus, I could use elements of UNSC tech to further upgrade my Nexus Cores to give myself the most overpowered hacking abilities out there.

Finally, it was time to decide what kind of civilization I was to be ruling over, and I found myself faced with a Stellaris style faction creator. Personally, I'd never played that game, but I knew a lot about it due to its popularity, and the various videos I had the chance to watch in my free time. So I had a basic idea of what to do at this stage. For my ethics I chose Fanatic Militarist, Individualistic, spiritualistic, and Xenophobic. For the style of government I chose a militaristic oligarchy which resulted in an ordered startocracy. I named my faction the Spartan Federation, my starting city Boatmurdered, and my home world Mekone. Finally, as a finishing touch, I selected the classic Sparta symbol as my national flag.

Once that was finished I leaned back, and nodded in satisfaction. There, that was the type of society that best complimented my chosen race. I also chose to be a fanatically militant, and xenophobic faction because, well, I honestly didn't know where I was going to wind up. But wherever it was, it was likely going to be hostile. (It was.)

Finally at last came my starting advantage, and this was going to be relevant due to how some of those perks could really help a lot during the early 'game'. I chose 'double population' which, you guessed it, brought the population of my starting city from 100,000 up to 200,000. (This came in handy early on.)

"Quick question," I asked once I was done. "Is there a way I can also enter in additional details on how my faction functions? Because I have a bunch of ideas for this society, and don't want to have to manually implement them. I also want to make some changes to the various vehicles used by the UNSC, because a lot of their designs are insufferably retarded."

Randy didn't immediately respond. Instead, he put on a tinfoil hat he got from seemingly out of nowhere, waved his hands around in a conspiratorial manner, and made a bunch of stereotypical spooky noises. "Your brain has been scanned, and your ideas have been implemented."

"Oh, okay." I replied, then glanced around awkwardly at that unexpectedly straight forward response. "So... Where am I going?"
"Well, let me get my charts, and dice out and I'll tell you." Randy said as he once again snapped his fingers, and a chart appeared in his hand. He rolled some dice, looked at the chart, and promptly burst into laughter. Then he materialized another chart, rolled the dice again, and laughed again.

He did this a few more times before looking back at me.

"Okay." Randy began as he visibly tried to control himself. "First off, you are going to planet Earth. Like in the real life planet Earth you just came from. Even better, the part you are getting is North Korea, yes that place. But there's a silver lining in all of this. The land itself has been blessed with a stupid amount of natural resources, the land is a lot more arable than before, and you've got a ton of ancient ruins full of valuable resources to discover. So at least you won't have to heavily rely on the outside world for help, at least not early on. As for the universe you are going into..." He did a dramatic pause. "You are going straight into the Warhammer 40k universe, right smack dab in the Segmentum Obscurus in a region of space bordering the Ork Empire of Dregruk, and more specifically, you are going into the old school grim dark version of 40K that existed before the retcons, and wokeness came along and ruined everything. So as you can guess, the difficulty has been cranked up all the way. But hey, losing is fun!"

I didn't answer. Instead I simply sat there in silence as a feeling of overwhelming dread came over me. It was the kind of feeling a man would get when he realized how right and truly fucked he was. This was bad, this was really, really bad. By all rights I should have been elated I was going to the Warhammer 40k universe. But that was just the thing, I was going to the Warhammer 40k universe, the most insanely hostile, and dangerous universe out there. Worse yet I had the people, and nations of Earth as my neighbours, so I was probably going to have to deal with them as well.

"Well Sheeeit." Pretty much summed up what I was feeling.

Randy shrugged. "I don't really care how things turn out. It's all just drama to me."

With that, Randy snapped his fingers one last time, and I found myself falling through the void. There was no light, no sound, or even the feeling of wind rushing past my face. Just the sensation of descending downwards at an ever increasing velocity.

Naturally, I screamed bloody murder.

Then everything went blank.


Author's note: And that concludes the prologue. In the next chapter our hero plans for the future, comes up with solutions to various problems, and trolls the entire world by going on television in blackface.