Shadows of the Past
It took Claudia a good few days to shake off her encounter with Granvile Lace. The fact that the state of her flat was a constant reminder of the intrusion did not help. Everything was in the wrong place and the aurors watching her were even more annoying than ever, knocking on her door every thirty minutes once she was back from work to check that 'everything was alright'. But the expression on their faces was clear. This was no genuine attempt to ensure her welfare. It was bullying, pure and simple.
The only place she could actually relax was work. She still had mountains of routine Department of Mysteries' business to look after as well as her research into the soulmate bond. But all that would have to wait another day- What Crouch had asked her to do for the World Cup was not easy and she was running out of time. It had to take precedence. She really needed her first meeting with the Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office to go well.
"Mr Weasley," she said as he entered her office, trying to hide a snappy tone. Now that he was here, it was difficult not to think about the fact that this was the head of the family that had been harbouring Peter.
"Ms Avery," he shook her hand. "Pleasure to meet you."
"We've met," she hissed, remembering the unpleasant encounter at Fabian's funeral.
"Yes, of course. I just didn't want to-" he trailed off. "Never mind. Sorry-"
"It's been a long time," she mumbled. "No need to apologise."
"It was a difficult moment for my wife and-"
"We aren't here to reminisce," Claudia interrupted, regretting ever bringing the funeral up. "I need help with the World Cup, specifically with rules of what can be brought into the country."
"Flying carpets," Mr Weasley sighed, seemingly randomly, and began to fumble in his bag.
"What about flying carpets?" she asked. Her patience was wearing thin. But then again, she should have expected this from someone who did not notice his pet rat was an animagus.
"There is a strong lobby to rescind the ban on flying carpet," he replied wearily. "They are looking for every opportunity to prove they're a safe and efficient means of transport. If our visitors from Asia and the Middle East bring these things into the country, and use them, the ban will be in tatters and we will never be able to get rid of them."
"No flying carpets then…"
Mr Weasley smiled. "No. And I don't expect these to be the only problem. People will bring and try to flog a lot of things that we don't normally deal with."
"We could set up screening at portkey sites – something similar to what they have at Gringotts."
He shook his head. "The Goblins won't help the Ministry."
"We won't need the Goblins. Let me pick this up within Department of Mysteries."
"And I'll get you a list of high-risk goods."
"Thank you." Claudia's mood was lifted. Perhaps he was not quite so incompetent as his Peter-related record would suggest. She said her goodbyes to Mr Weasley and began drafting a memo to Gordon explaining what was needed and asking for options.
She was about halfway when she felt something very familiar and yet, in some ways, long forgotten. A chill was spreading from her left forearm. "No," she mumbled to herself, that cannot be.
The quill fell out of her hand. The ink splattered all over her half-written memo.
What was happening to him? How could she-
Then, it struck her. The soul jewel. She needed to get her hands on it. Now!
Before she knew what she was doing, Claudia was ripping off the floorboard in her attic under which she had hidden the most incriminating artefacts. The most horrifying scenarios were rushing through her head. They must have caught him. And if they did… A Dementor's kiss would not be far behind.
She gripped the soul jewel, ready to test her theory that it would not get her past the Hogwarts' apparition shield. Claudia closed her eyes and took a few breaths to apparate, no matter the cost.
But something was off. Her eyes shot open.
She was too calm.
The chill was gone.
But the Sirius star was still on her arm. So he was not dead-
She looked into the jewel. Padfoot, seemingly in one piece, was rushing past the banks of the Great Lake. He was fine. He must have just wondered too close to the Dementors.
With a shaking hand, Claudia placed everything back under the floorboard, straightened her clothes and got ready to go back to the office. That memo to Gordon was not going to finish itself.
But it took her half the night to write a foot of parchment, and she passed out in her office, too tired to go home. Oh well, she would need to explain herself to her handlers tomorrow.
The run up to Christmas season was torture. All Claudia could think about was how cold Scotland got in December, and whether the cold or the Dementors would kill Sirius first. Every now and then she felt them, so much so she began carrying the jewel in her pocket – it was risky but better than having to run home every time she felt a shiver.
Her mood was in a stark contrast to the mood of the majority of Ministry officials, who were smiling from ear to ear and attending one office Christmas party after another. At least Claudia did not have to attend many of them. She was not invited to any, on the account that she was a persona non grata. Or so she thought.
One day, she was digging through her in-tray when her eyes landed on a little card framed in tinsel… Which moron took pity on her?
Claudia's jaw nearly dropped when she saw whose party she had just been invited to:
'Bartemius Crouch is pleased to invite you to the Christmas party of the Department of International Magical Cooperation for cocktails, dinner and music.'
She had to laugh to herself at the absurdity of this invitation and begin writing a note to Auberon, instructing him to come up with a good excuse to get her out of it. But then, she thought about it some more. Maybe this would be a good opportunity to learn more about him, about his weaknesses. She erased her previous note by a quick swish of her wand and asked Auberon to accept it.
On the night of the party, after a few monotonous weeks filled with World Cup preparations and little else, Claudia was having second thoughts about going. The last thing she wanted was to be surrounded by a lot of cheerful people. But she forced herself to go for the same reason she forced herself to accept the invitation in the first place.
By the time Claudia got to the party, Crouch's office was reeking of booze and all the oxygen was sucked out of the room. It was awfully warm and loud. For half an hour, she hugged the wall, watching everyone drink themselves to oblivion, before deciding to go home. The whispering, the side-glances, it was all too much. Besides, she stuck out like a sore thumb, wearing simple black muggle clothes while everyone else was dressed in shimmering robes, and because she was alone… Everyone else had a spouse, a boyfriend, a girlfriend on their arm.
Yes, she wanted to torment Crouch, but even that was not worth the discomfort this party brought her. Besides, he was surrounded by dozens of people, and it would take ages before she would get to talk to him. She put down her glass of water, and made her way out. And just in time, she thought, when her eyes landed on Penelope, who was accompanied by none other than Julius.
"Claudia!" Penelope yelled and blocked her path. "Leaving already?"
"I still have some work to do," Claudia lied.
"What is it-" Julius began to speak but trailed off. His hair was peppered with grey hair and his eyes framed with chunky black glasses. It made him look ancient. He cleared his throat and resumed. "What is it like running a Department?"
"Busy," Claudia said, half-expecting Julius to start having a go at her about something she had log forgotten. But he did not. Maybe he was being civil for real. "What do you do these days?" she tried to return the favour.
"Still working in Magical Transportation. Used to work for your father, before…" Julius averted his eyes.
"How is he doing?" Penelope asked. "It must be hard on you having your dad in hospital."
"We weren't close." That was all Claudia could bring herself to say. Having him referred to as her 'dad' still made her insides recoil.
"But still, he's your father-" Penelope began but stopped abruptly. Claudia noticed that Julius had touched his fiancée's elbow. There was a look between them. Without a doubt, Julius was imploring Penelope to shut up.
"Anyway-" Claudia said, feeling somewhat grateful that Julius intervened to stop this painful conversation. "I should really get going," she mumbled, turned and walked towards the exit.
But she did not walk away fast enough. "What's wrong with talking about her father?" Penelope's faint voice followed her.
"Claudia has her reasons. Good ones," Julius replied. "Just leave it-"
The rest of the conversation got drowned out when Claudia slipped out of the door of Crouch's office. Her senses no longer dulled by the stale air and overwhelming noise of drunken conversation, her eyes began to water.
She would give anything for Sirius to be standing by her side at that party, whispering inappropriate jokes into her ear, stealing a brief kiss when no one was looking. Anything for them simply to be able to blend in and be happy, just like everyone else. Even stupid Julius was happy-
Claudia sat down on Penelope's chair and wiped her eyes. They will be happy again. They must- Anything else was just too painful possibility to even contemplate.
And then, Claudia's eyes landed on some parchment on Penelope's desk. She recognised the marking instantly. With her little finger, Claudia unwrapped the parchment to confirm her suspicion:
'MINISTER'S EYES ONLY'
Claudia could not help but roll her eyes. What was Penelope thinking leaving something like that on her desk?
It took Claudia a split second to decide to pocket the memo and hurry out of there. Partially, she did it out if interest. Partially, so that the parchment did not make its way to the wrong hands. And perhaps just a little to get one over on her old school bully.
Claudia walked through the deserted Ministry corridors with the unrolled memo in her hands and read it as her feet carried her mindlessly towards the Department of Mysteries.
The memo was from Crouch to Fudge, expressing fears that if Ireland were to get to the final of the Quidditch World Cup, they might want to stage the tournament in Ireland, rather than Dartmoor as planned. The whole thing was full of explosive detail about the extremely fraught relationship between the British Quidditch Association and the Irish Quidditch association, and implications that the Quidditch league might split over the row.
The juiciest part of the whole thing, however, was the comment that Fudge had written across the top in his unmistakeable handwriting.
'If the league splits, make sure the public blames the Irish.'
The Daily Prophet headline would write itself, she thought and smiled to herself. Maybe that was what she should do with it… Leak this memo to the Prophet. She thought about it longer than she would be prepared to admit, but ultimately decided against it. "The memo was not bad enough to force anyone's resignation and, at least for the time being, it would make a fine addition to her under-the-floor collection…
On the nineteenth of December, Claudia packed some food and healing potion into her old backpack, threw on an invisibility cloak and climbed out of the window. She could hardly believe that the day she had been waiting for was finally here. From the roof, she apparated to the Leaky Cauldron, and then waited by the fireplace until a suitable moment. But none was coming. So, she flicked her wand-
A tray of tankards slipped out of the landlord's hands. Everyone looked towards the source of the commotion… Claudia threw some Floo Powder into the flames and, just like that, she was in Edinburgh.
She snuck out of the door of the Edinburgh pub and apparated to Hogsmeade. She winced when she saw the village was covered in a fresh layer of snow. That was going to make her tracks visible, even with the cloak on. But between walking where the snow was thin and frozen, walking backwards, and using time consuming magic to disguise her steps, she made it to the Shrieking Shack. Once there, she cast the counter-spell that she found in the Department of Mysteries, made a door, jumped in and sealed the entrance behind her.
With a look at her watch, she turned. She was early, but better that than- "Shit," her heart jumped. "You scared me." She took half a step towards him.
"I'd hug you, but I reek," Sirius said in response. He was standing in the doorway, wearing his Azkaban robes, and looking every bit like the escaped mass murderer that he was supposed to be.
Claudia stopped in her tracks and smiled. "Are you hungry?"
"Starving. Haven't eaten in days-"
Claudia reached into her backpack for the sandwiches. But before she had time to take them out fully, Sirius grabbed the bag from her hands, sat down cross-legged on the floor, and started to demolish the food.
She sat down next to him. He ate more dog than human at this point, smelled liked it too. "When you said you were going to settle in at Hogwarts," she mumbled. "Did you know you were going to break in on Halloween? And just forgot to tell me?"
Sirius stopped chewing and swallowed. "An opportunity presented itself."
For a few seconds, Claudia stared at him.
"Stop looking at me with that disapproving frown," Sirius mumbled. "What's done is done." He reached for another sandwich. "Forget about it. Tell me something, I don't know. Tell me about your… can I say family?"
Claudia reached for one of the sandwiches Sirius had in front of him and took a bite. "All still alive," she replied with her mouth full. "Haven't really seen any of them for a long time. Bumped into mother about a year ago, that was that."
"How did that go?"
Claudia stopped chewing and looked at Sirius. Ah, what the hell. This topic was bound to come up eventually. "She sent a healer to my office to cure me from seeing a woman…"
"I would've thought that a woman would be an improvement on me," Sirius smirked.
"Are you kidding?" Claudia laughed. "Me marrying you was always her dream! Don't you remember-" she froze for a second. "You don't know what she did, do you? You were gone at that point… When we searched their house in the case against my father, we found a whole room with preparations for our wedding! She organised her own thing after she saw the article in Witch Weekly! There was a dress, invitations, cake samples, the lot!"
Sirius laughed for a second or two, but then his face went rigid- "I didn't hear about your father in Azkaban…"
"That's because the case collapsed, and he walked free."
Sirius swallowed dry and looked away. "That was my fault, wasn't it?"
"You got played," Claudia replied with a shrug. "I know he was behind everything. I know what he asked you to do."
"How?"
"He told me… in a way." That would have to do for the time being. This was not the time to explain all that- the Legilimency, the torture, Frederick's one-way ticket to St Mungo's. "Forget about him…"
"What about my mother?" Sirius asked after a while.
"Died about seven years ago," Claudia uttered. "No… Eight! She asked to see me on her death bed, actually."
"And you went?"
"In a moment of weakness," Claudia sighed. "I thought maybe she wanted to ask me what happened, to know whether you were guilty or not."
"And did she?"
"No, she just yelled at me." Claudia rubbed her temples, trying to remember. "Something about it being my fault you were in Azkaban. She was not really that coherent. I couldn't even work out whether she thought you did it or not. Kept shouting that I cannot have the house. Like I want the house." Claudia smiled and gently poked Sirius' shoulder with hers. "I already have a flat bought with the Black family fortune."
Sirius broke into a smile. "Wait… you still live there?"
"How could I not?" Claudia shrugged. "Even kept your bloody piano I don't play. And Freddie."
"How's Freddie?"
"Dead."
"No!" Sirius cried out. Claudia was about to laugh but when she saw his face, her face froze too. He was being genuine. And genuinely more distraught at the death of a singer he never met than his own mother.
Sirius wiped his sandwich-covered fingers on a napkin and brushed the side of Claudia's face. "I can't believe you haven't traded that flat for anything bigger. The Ministry must be paying you a fortune."
"I couldn't…" Claudia took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second. Warmth flooded her entire body at the memory when she woke up there for the first time after she left home. It was a feeling of being somewhere completely safe… "We were happy there. Just thinking back to every morning when you made me coffee. Having friends over, Lily getting stoned-" she chucked and reached for his hand, but Sirius flinched. "What's wrong?" she whispered.
He looked lost for works. For a second, he rubbed his palms. "Azkaban flooded my head with the bad stuff," he said finally... "Wait-" he lifted his face. "Lily getting stone?"
Claudia chuckled and was about to name a dozen other happy memories, when she remembered something. "Before I forget. Fudge wants the Ministry to develop tracing. It's not progressed, but – just to be safe – you shouldn't use magic, not even with my wand."
"Would it register an animagus transformations?"
Claudia stared at him with her mouth slightly ajar. How did this not occur to her? "I have no idea," she stuttered. "I'll find out…"
"That's dangerous."
"Not more dangerous than stealing the jewel from under their noses," Claudia smirked. "Or-"
"You stole it?" Sirius exclaimed, interrupting her confession.
"Not a big deal. They shouldn't have expected me to use it to find you in the first place-"
"How did they know it would work for you? Do people know about the tattoos, and this soulmate stuff?"
"Not generally, no." She paused. He took the news she was seeing a woman pretty well before. She would have to tell him eventually… And this was as good of a time as any. "But the Unspeakable who knew about the existence of the jewel happened to know about the tattoos."
"A new friend?"
"More like an ex-girlfriend…" Claudia said with a grimace. "Didn't last long. Turns out I'm not much of a relationship material."
"I think you are-"
Claudia chuckled. "I'm not. And Édith isn't the only one who'd testify to that. There were a few-" she trailed off.
"You don't owe me an explanation, Claude." He reached for her hand. "I've never expected you to be alone. And I wouldn't have wanted to you to be alone."
"It's ok," she whispered. "I'm not planning to give you a list. You don't know any of the others anyway, except-"
It was as if someone flipped a switch. Sirius' face changed suddenly from an expression full of kindness into a forced smile. "Except Oscar…" he finished her sentence.
"How do you know?"
"Educated guess…" Sirius was trying very hard to look like it did not bother him, but was failing miserably.
"Well, his ego is almost as big as yours. Hard for me to resist," Claudia quipped. When a joke did not seem to alleviate Sirius' mood, she decided that an earnest explanation was in order. "It happened just once, and there was nothing romantic in it. We're just friends."
"Why did it end?" But before Claudia could respond, Sirius spoke again. "Was the sex terrible? Please tell me it was because the sex was terrible. That'd make me feel so much better."
"It ended because the person I love escaped from Azkaban," Claudia whispered and reached for Sirius' hand. "And all I wanted to do was come and find you."
"So, the sex wasn't terrible… Should've guessed." He tore off half a sandwich and munched it with a big frown on his face.
Claudia could feel she was losing patience with him again. "Look, I'm eating my Christmas dinner in a freezing hovel with you. I think you can drop the jealousy."
"I'm not jealous-" he began defending himself but his shoulders slumped. "Fine… I'm sorry. The Dementors had real fun with my jealousies in Azkaban. Half the time, I wasn't even sure if we were together, or if you had left me for someone else even before I went in."
"No one's ever made me happier than you have-" Claudia whispered. "No one ever could."
Sirius chuckled awkwardly, as if he did not believe her.
"I wish you stopped doing this to yourself…" Claudia added.
"Alright," Sirius sighed and reached for another sandwich. But before he could take a bite, he frozen. "They're heading this way," he uttered hoarsely. "What do we-"
He did not have to say who 'they' were. Claudia's arm was ice cold. "Transform, NOW!"
"What about you?"
Claudia drew her wand and tried conjuring a patronus. But all her wand emitted was a puff of silvery smoke, which was not going to deter anything.
"Claude?"
"Whenever I can feel them through the tattoo, I can't-" she explained in a shaky voice. "I can't seem to focus on a memory happy enough to make an actual patronus."
Sirius grabbed her head in his hands. "You can do this." He kissed her forehead.
Claudia thought back to their time in Edinburgh. That was the best she could do. "Don't let go off me," she whispered and then fixated her mind on waking up in Sirius' arms. "Expecto Patronum," she uttered and immediately felt the coldness of the Dementors lift. She opened her eyes to see a silvery fox rubbing against her leg.
"I knew you could do it."
"You have to transform."
Sirius nodded and, without another word, transformed into Padfoot.
Claudia hugged her knees, and Padfoot placed his snout at her feet. For a brief moment, Claudia's patronus stared at him, presumably wondering who was this creature getting in a way of its work. But then, the fox sniffed the black dog and, seemingly satisfied that Padfoot posed no danger, lied down right next to him.
The whole thing brought a happy tear or two in Claudia's eyes. She wiped them. This was exactly what the dementors wanted from her. Emotion. So, she took a deep breath and summon every last bit of her occlumency training to clear her head. If there were no emotions inside of her, the dementors were powerless.
The witch, the dog and the fox sat there like a bizarre statue until the dementors had passed. When they did, Claudia's chest immediately filled with relied.
When Sirius transformed back, however, his face was not telling a story of relief or happiness. "You have to go," he said resolutely. "This is stupid. We cannot just keep chatting away. It puts you in too much danger."
"I'm not here just to chat. I want to help you."
"I don't need your help."
A wave of anger had risen inside of Claudia, but she managed to supress it. "Yes, you do."
"But it's too dangerous. This is my fight."
"Your fight?" she hissed and jumped to her feet. "I don't want him sleeping in the same room as Neville and Harry either. This is not a negotiation. I am helping you."
"Dementor's kiss, Claude," Sirius barked and stood up too. "They catch you helping me, they won't hesitate. Promise me you'll keep your distance."
Claudia said nothing, but began to pace. There was no chance she was leaving.
"Please go. I have things I have to do-"
"What things?"
Sirius shook his head. "It's safer if you don't know."
That was it. There was no keeping a lid on Claudia's anger now. She froze, and slowly turned to face him. "DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME YOU DID NOT TELL ME WHAT YOU WERE UP TO?"
"That's not fair!" Sirius yelled back.
"Isn't it?" Claudia threw her arms in the air in exacerbation. "One word, Sirius. If you've told me that you switched secret keepers, or came to me after he killed James and Lily… Everything would've been different." She paused and turned away, unable to look at his face. "It hurts that you didn't stop to think. Claude deserves to know," she mimicked his voice. "That you didn't trust me enough to tell me-"
"Claude," Sirius sighed, touched her shoulder and spun her around. "Of course, I trust you. I was protecting you. I thought that if you didn't know…"
"I cannot believe we're still having this conversation." She shook of his hand and folded her arms against her chest. "Stop trying to protect me when I don't want you to. I'm ten times the witch I was when you went to Azkaban."
"But-"
"There is no but… I love you and I'm not losing you again. Do you understand?" Claudia implored him.
Sirius extended his arm and held onto the wall. Looking to the floor, the took a few breaths. "I can't do this to you. You don't deserve-"
Claudia chose to ignore him. "Do you think anyone else knows Peter is still alive?"
Sirius thought for a moment. "Claude, no-"
"Tell me!"
"Maybe his mother…" he uttered after a moment of hesitation. "But if she does, and you come asking questions, he'd get spooked."
"She'll never know I was there. Legilimency has its uses."
"Isn't that illegal?"
"Please-" Claudia waved her hand to dismiss his fears. "It's a piece of cake… What else would be helpful? I could see what Marcus knows-"
Sirius stood up straight so fast, it startled Claudia a little. "Absolutely not-" he groaned.
"He isn't danger to anyone anymore. Just sits and home and eats cake all day."
"Claude, that's too risky. If you were to get caught."
She sighed. Maybe she should tell him what she got up to when he was in Azkaban. Might stop him from treating her like a child… "Alright," she whispered. She reached for his hand. "Forget it for now." She reached for the top of his arm. "Was meaning to ask, where did you stash your notebook?" Claudia asked. "I could bring it next time. It would make things easier."
"Way too risky-" Sirius replied with a slight shake of his head. "I should get going."
Claudia gripped his arm. "Then, let's agree a date to meet."
"I found a way to send messages. I can send you an owl-"
A slight frown had appeared on Claudia's face. "No, that is too risky." Why the fuck was he stalling?
"Look, it's hard for me to tell what day it is. And what if I can't find somewhere safe."
Claudia throat had closed. "The twenty-ninth of January, five o'clock. Just pick a place," she said hoarsely.
"Fine-" Sirius said through gritted teeth. "But I really have to go now." He planted a quick kiss on Claudia's cheek, implored her to stay safe and vanished.
Claudia sat on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, watching the door through which Sirius had disappeared. Tears of pure frustration rolled down her cheeks. This is not what she thought about for twelve years. Being pushed away, sidelined… Again.
How could he thing it was alright to treat her like this? Treat her like a little kid. Like she was nothing. After everything she's been through-
She dropped her face into her hands and began to sob.
After everything she had done to try to make things right for his sake…
But eventually, Claudia's tears dried out and she got too cold. So, she picked herself from the floor, like she did so many times before, and went home. Once there, she could not even look at Sirius' picture for the fear she would throw it on the floor. Instead, she downed a generous helping of sleeping draught to make sure she did not venture to the nearest pub and drunk it dry.
Claudia's mood only worsened with every day in the run up to Christmas. To combat her misery, she had settled into a familiar pattern – wake up, down two cups of coffee, go to work, come home, drink sleeping draught… Rinse and repeat.
But eventually, Christmas Day had arrived, and Claudia was forced out of her rhythm by an invitation from Oscar to come to his place to spend the day with him and Moody. She thought for a long time whether to accept the invitation or not, but eventually decided that some company would do her good.
When it actually came to walking into Oscar's flat, however, she was beginning to get second thoughts. The last time she was here- It did not bear thinking about. It was a different time; it may have as well taken place in a different universe. So, she stood outside of his flat, smoking, until Moody found her and dragged her in.
Oscar's cooking was surprisingly edible, and Claudia was beginning to relax into it when-
"Did you get a chance to speak to Agrippa about the-" Moody asked but trailed off.
"About what?" Oscar asked after a few seconds of awkward silence.
"Nothing," Claudia muttered.
"Would it be helpful if I pretended not to be a serving auror tonight?" Oscar smirked.
Moody laughed, but Claudia was not so easily swayed.
"I don't want to get Agrippa into trouble," she said and shoved a whole roast potato in her mouth. "Sorry-"
"Have it your way-" Oscar sighed. "Just don't come running to me for help again when it gets out of hand."
"Noted," she hissed in response.
After a few awkward seconds, Moody exclaimed. "I was meaning to tell you two, I managed to get my hands on a rare dark detector…"
Here we go again, Claudia thought. But deep down, she was relieved that they were going to spend the rest of the lunch talking about that rather than the tracing, or Sirius.
After lunch, Oscar made coffee and the discussion of dark detectors continued, at least until the time Moody excused himself to go to the toilet, leaving Claudia and Oscar alone.
Claudia shuffled all the way to the edge of the sofa, the same one where they kissed for the first time, and held onto her mug tightly. Anything to put as much physical space between them as possible. "I wanted to thank you for not making this difficult for me. You know, keeping it drama-free despite-"
"Claudia," he interrupted. "You will always be a friend to me above all else, a brother-in-arms," he said with a chuckle before his tone changed into a humourless one. "I know where your heart it, and I respect that, even if…"
"Even if you'd have to arrest both of us if you came across us."
"Even then-" he took a sip of his coffee. "But I would give him a chance to explain what the fuck he was up to when I saw him shake your father's hand. And who told Voldemort, if not him…"
Claudia said nothing. He would know if she was lying. And telling him the truth was not an option, so she looked away.
"You know, don't you?" Oscar asked after a while. "You spoke to him."
The conversation about trust that they had the morning after they slept together had flooded her mind. "It's better for both of us if we don't talk about this. Remember?"
"Claudia-"
"Please stop. I'm enjoying the fact you aren't shouting at me for once."
Oscar could not help but laugh a little. But then sighed. "I just hope you know what you're doing."
"I love him."
"I know." Oscar reached for her hand and patted it. "I know."
Claudia wiped her eye, and then noticed Moody in the corner of her eye.
"What did I walk into?" Moody asked.
"Nothing-" both of his former employees said in unison.
Claudia shot up to standing. "I should really go. Thanks for the food-" she gave Moody a hug, and a rushed wave to Oscar. She knew that if she stayed, she would be tempted to tell them both everything. But she did promise Sirius not to drag anyone else into it, and Oscar was the last person Sirius would want to know.
And no matter how mad she was at Sirius, she could not break that promise. She could not betray him. Was it strength, or was it weakness? It was impossible to tell at this point.
The rest of Christmas Day, Claudia spent sitting at home, trying not to think what Moody and Oscar were telling each other about her, and her pathetic loyalty to someone who did not seem to want her around. She resorted to sleeping draught again before she did anything she would regret in the morning.
On Boxing Day, Claudia invited Neville to come and visit her in the flat for the first time. It was somehow more bearable to have people around now that Sirius was out. Besides, the aurors had searched every inch of the house, so having her godson over could not be a greater invasion of her privacy than that.
She made some sandwiches and chips for tea and waited for Neville be dropped off by his grandmother. It was just getting dark outside, and the moonlight flower began to sing, when Neville walked in.
"It doesn't sound right," Neville mumbled and leaned over the windowsill to examine it more closely. Somehow, he was taller than Claudia now. When did that happen? Neville spent a few minutes looking at the flower, borrowed scissors and clipped off a few leaves. "You need to water it less. And move it out of direct sunlight-" he picked it up – "here…" He put it on top of the fireplace and involuntary glanced towards the picture of Claudia and Sirius on the wall.
"I'm sorry about Halloween," Claudia mumbled. "It must've been hard on you."
"I promised Gran we won't talk about it," Neville replied. "Otherwise she won't let me come again. Ever."
"Alright. Do you want some more tea?"
Neville looked at her. He looked older. "You said you would explain…"
Claudia sighed and weighed her words carefully. She did not want to lie to Neville, but she could hardly tell him the truth either. "I can't give you an explanation for what he wanted in the Gryffindor tower that night. Harry's parents died on Halloween, and-"
"He wanted to kill him on the anniversary…" Neville said.
She blinked twice. Was this really her godson talking? Where was this certainty coming from? "Or he just wanted to see the son of this best friend," she replied.
"What?"
Claudia nodded, then got up and took an old shoe box off the bookshelf. "They were inseparable." She searched through the box and then passed Neville a photo from James' and Lily's wedding. It had the bride, the groom, the best man and Claudia herself.
"That's Harry!" Neville gasped and pointed at James. "Surely…"
"Not unless he's a time traveller," she said with a chuckled. "I swear it's James."
"I know people always say that he looks just like his dad, but I was not expecting them to be this alike."
"And this is Sirius-" Claudia pointed tentatively at the figure standing next to James.
Neville brought the picture closer to his eyes. "He looks different than the picture in the Prophet."
"Twelve years of Azkaban would do that to you," she sighed. "I wouldn't wish Azkaban on my worst enemy." Well, that was not strictly speaking true…
Neville did not say anything for a long time. Then, he whispered something so quietly, that Claudia had to ask him to repeat it.
"You don't think he did it, do you?" He then straightened his back. "I want you to tell me why."
"Your Gran really wouldn't want me telling you this."
"I can keep a secret."
"I don't think he did. He loved James, loved him like a brother. You cannot fake that kind of love. He would never betray him." She sighed. "But no one believed me twelve years ago, and no one is going to believe me now."
"It must have been awful for you back then. I know what it's like when people whisper and point. Make fun of you." He gave her a shy smile. "Knowing you got through it and became so cool and important. I really draw strength from that."
Claudia's eyes began to water at Neville's kindness. There was something quite grown up about him. She wiped her eyes and patted him on the shoulder. "You know, most of the time you remind me of your dad. But your mum's very special type of kindness is in you too."
"I remind you of my dad?"
"Are you kidding? You're so much like him! He loved Herbology too, and–" Claudia paused for a minute trying to say what she wanted to say without insulting him– "he was also on occasion a little scared to be himself."
Neville chuckled. "The way Gran talks about him is very different."
"Your grandmother is grieving. And grief can make you forget things." Claudia whispered, trying very hard not to tear about all of Sirius' flaws that came back like a slap in a face. She forced herself to smile. "Both of your parents would be very proud of you."