Ch 7: Judged

Heading down the steps of the church, Elizabeth headed in the direction of the cafe. After seeing Bill turn away from her earlier at church, she knew an apology to him was long overdue.

Nearing the cafe, she spotted Minnie coming out of the private side entrance carrying what looked like a covered cake.

"Oh. Elizabeth! It was nice to see you this morning. What can I do for you?" Minnie wedged herself between the door effectively blocking Elizabeth's entrance.

"Just looking for Bill." Elizabeth quickly replied as she craned her neck towards the door.

"Oh…um…Bill is a bit busy at the moment. I can let him know you came by." Minnie diplomatically replied with a bit of a forced smile and tone attempting to protect Bill from one of Elizabeth's potential tirades.

"No Minnie, thank you, but I've put this off long enough. I came to apologize." Minnie's face softened at that and she gently stepped to the side as Elizabeth took the door. Minnie gently touched Elizabeth's shoulder.

"Well, I can't promise he'll hear you, but I doubt he could turn down your help. I would stay and help myself if we didn't have the Weise family over for dinner right now. I made a cake last night and came by to get it after church. Good luck Elizabeth. God bless."

Minnie took several hurried steps before she paused & turned around.

"Elizabeth? It's always the right time to turn from going the wrong way. It's always a good time to apologize. Remember that. I'll be praying for you as I walk home."

Elizabeth nodded and smiled in thanks and took a breath. She pulled the door open the rest of the way and stepped inside. She donned a spare apron from the hook on the wall and walked into the kitchen as the scent of roasted chicken and garlic wafted through the air.

Bill was hunched over a pot with his back to the door stirring a roux. Pie crusts were rolled out next to him on the countertop.

"Did you forget something, Minnie?" Bill asked without turning around.

"Uh…no. It's actually me, Bill…it's Elizabeth."

Bill's back stiffened, but he didn't turn around. He starting whisking furiously as his tone switched to irritation. "Can I help you, Elizabeth? I'm kind of busy here preparing for extra customers tonight since your beau skipped town again."

Elizabeth's shoulders dropped. Bill was hurt all right, but she didn't realize they were to the point of no eye-contact. Her eyebrows also crinkled in confusion at his beau comment. She hadn't realized Lucas had even left. She tucked that thought away for later. It didn't matter now, nor was it the time to correct him on who really had her heart.

"I think the better question, Bill, is if I can help you."

Bill stopped whisking and turned around looking at her curiously. "You are offering to help me? Why? What do you want?"

That hurt. Elizabeth stepped backwards subconsciously in defense. Her eyes dropped to the floor in shame as she hung her head. "I deserved that. I came to apologize Bill…for a lot." She looked back up into his eyes pleadingly.

Bill's eyebrow raised as his eyes narrowed scrutinizing Elizabeth's posture, tone, and facial expression. She stood for a moment allowing him to study her before she headed to the sink seemingly unfazed. She started washing her hands and arms preparing for kitchen duty.

Bill continued to watch her silently after she walked across the room to the sink. Years of interrogations had hardened him and he had experienced more than one phony come-to-Jesus-moment from criminals in trouble looking for a way out.

Not waiting for instructions, Elizabeth stuck her hands in the warm dough and started kneading—giving Bill time to process her sudden change in behavior.

As the silence stretched on, she rolled out the dough and pricked it with a fork before she shoved the conversation forward.

"Bill, I'm sorry that I pushed you away. I wasn't ready to hear your advice or your warnings about Lucas. I was honestly afraid of what you would tell me. It was easier to pretend with Lucas than it was to face how I feel about Nathan."

Bill's head was spinning now and he backed up to the counter and leaned against it for support.

"What about Bouchard?" Bill asked slowly testing the waters and taking in Elizabeth's reaction.

She placed the fork back on the counter and stood with her full attention on Bill. "We broke up two days ago. He broke it off, actually, on Friday night just before the storm."

"Didn't know he had it in him." Bill muttered to himself. The wheels were clearly turning in his mind as he pieced together what he was hearing as well as what wasn't being said. Bill narrowed his eyes. "So…second choice is Nathan then?"

"No. Nathan could never be second choice. It was always Nathan. I was just too afraid to recognize it. Nathan and I are…well I don't really know what Nathan and I are. I have hurt him and Allie so much we're just talking and trying to heal. He forgave me yesterday."

"Nathan is a good man. A man I don't want to see get hurt again. I love him as much as I love you,Elizabeth. You'd better make sure that you have this figured out before you break all of our hearts again." Bill warned sternly, but with a bit of softness finally reaching his eyes.

"I agree." Elizabeth stated—seemingly not offended before going back to cutting out the biscuits.

Several minutes passed in quiet as she finished cutting the biscuits and placed them on a tray. Bill added cream, chicken stock, shredded chicken, and vegetables to the roux. She was putting the biscuits in the oven, when Bill finally spoke up.

"Why now? What happened Elizabeth?" He looked up from stirring the filling as he turned it down to a simmer.

"I was surprised when Lucas left that I wasn't sad….in a way I was…relieved. He did what I couldn't. He gave up pretending. Without him, I had to face my loss of Jack head-on. I see now how God used Lucas leaving as a reason to get my attention. Once I stopped running, I saw how many people I've hurt. That's why I'm here. I'm sorry Bill. You've always been here for me and I just shoved you away. I didn't want you to speak the truth to me. I just wanted everything my way. I'm sorry."

Bill studied Elizabeth as she stood quietly and wiped pieces of dough and flour off of her hands and washed them in the sink. He stepped away from the stove and approached Elizabeth.

"Welcome back." He told her as he enveloped her in a fatherly hug. "I've missed you. I understand why you did what you did, but I hope I never have to watch you go through that again. Rosemary, Lee, and I all wanted to help you, but you wouldn't hear of it." He patted her back gently as she clung to him.

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't ever want to be that person again. I've missed you Bill." She said softly.

"I've missed you too. Are you hungry? This chicken pot pie should be ready in about 20 minutes. I'll make the rest after. Can you sit down with me and have lunch?"

"I'd love nothing more. I'll help you clean up." Elizabeth grabbed a dishrag. Bill and Elizabeth worked through the dishes and cleanup together.

…

After a late lunch, Elizabeth headed back home satisfied with a full stomach and a fuller heart. As she walked, she hoped Nathan, Allie, and Jack were having a wonderful afternoon together.

She managed to hang a load of wash in the back yard and catch up on her grading. With time to spare and no toddler tugging at her skirt, she also managed to chop all of her vegetables and bring the beef stew to a simmer. It was incredible what she could accomplish with both hands and no little supervisor. Still, the thought of her son had her glance at the clock. Nearly five.

She headed out to the porch and started sweeping off her steps busying herself until her favorite men returned.

And then suddenly, there they were. Nathan had a lightness to his step which was apparent even from this distance. He had a big lop-sided grin with his head tilted sideways looking up at a blonde-headed little boy with a toothy grin. Jack was on top of the world sitting tall on Nathan's shoulders.

Little Jack seemed to be in complete awe from his perspective being up so high. As a first-time rider, he had appeared to alternate his hold between the upturned collar on Nathan's now rumpled white button down shirt and Nathan's hair. Based on the grip on Nathan's mane, Jack had settled on the classic bare-back riding hold. This gave Nathan's hair a wild-eyed mustang appearance that couldn't be more endearing to a mother's heart.

Elizabeth could tell when Nathan recognized her presence and gaze from the porch as a blush crept across his features—but he made no motion to disturb his rider or fix his adorably disheveled appearance. His steps slowed much to Jack's initial disappointment until he too recognized his mother and let out a loud, "hiiiiiiiiii Mama!"

Both Nathan and Elizabeth chuckled. He put Jack down on the ground, only for the little man to run directly into his mother's open embrace. She leaned into his hug and cherished each moment that he still wanted to be held.

Nathan smiled at the reunited pair and ran his fingers through his thick dark hair attempting to tame it back into place. As usual, one lock from the front stubbornly fell back across his eyes.

Elizabeth looked up and smiled at his toddler-caused unruly hair. The love he showed her son sent warmth flooding her heart filling so many hurt places. How could he fit in so seamlessly already? How did we function without him? How had I missed this man for some cheap parlor tricks? Her eyebrows crinkled in hurt at the thought.

Nathan's eyes narrowed as well as he watched the change in her countenance. He reached up and fixed his collar.

Jack pulled back from his mother's embrace and started his big fish tale. "Mama! I ketch a biiiig fish!" Holding his arms out as far as he could as his feet stomped a happy little toddler jig.

"You did?! That's amazing Jack." Elizabeth smiled as she sat back on her heels down at his level soaking up Jack's enthusiasm. She smiled up at Nathan and mouthed a silent, "thank you."

Nathan nodded to her. He was also proudly watching the boy retell the day's events.

"Yep. I ketch it allll myself… wif N'atan hold it and I pull it!" Jack recalled as he made the motion of helping Nathan hold the pole and pulling it back. Nathan smiled.

"All yourself, huh, Jack?" Elizabeth asked amused.

"Yep!" Jack stated proudly with his chest puffed out, "Alllll myself. Fanks N'atan!"

"You're welcome Little Man."

"He caught a medium-sized bull trout and Allie and I will clean it tonight. I figured you wouldn't mind if we handled that."

Elizabeth crinkled her nose and shook her head.

Nathan laughed. "I thought so." He glanced over at Jack who was settling himself near a tree stacking pebbles amusing himself with the outdoors. He glanced back at Elizabeth taking her hand.

"How are you?" He asked with his eyes tenderly exploring hers.

She tugged his arm closer and tucked herself into his embrace sighing deeply. A flood of emotions returned as her thoughts turned back to her talk with Joseph. She squeezed her arms around his back one last time before pulling back—they were outside her row-house after all. No sense in starting a scandal around town, although she felt like she was literally tearing herself away from his warmth and strength.

"Honestly, I'm doing better. Joseph's sermon stirred up a lot of things in my heart. It made me realize some questions I've had that I was afraid to ask of the Lord. Not asking kept me stuck believing God was punishing me or had even forgotten about me…or worse…didn't care. "

"I know what you mean. I was angry with God for a long time after Colleen died. She was my best friend—not just my sister. Losing her felt like I lost my other half. She always helped me understand myself. Mom always said she did enough talking for the both of us." Nathan smiled warmly at the memory.

"Seems like you are talking just fine now." Elizabeth said with a comforting smile. She held out her hand and silently invited him to sit on her porch step as they watched Jack play. "Tell me about her."

Nathan sighed as he sat down still tenderly holding Elizabeth's hand.

"She was a lot like Allie. Spirited." He said with a laugh. "Although now that I'm a parent, I see that quality differently than I did as a child and I understand why my mother was so exhausted." Nathan chuckled to himself.

"Every day with Colleen was an adventure growing up. It felt like she only sat still to paint. She was always on the go urging me to keep up. Colleen was always pushing me further than I was probably ready for….but to be with her, it was worth it. She understood me like no one else and I got her too—in more ways than one."

"She sounds incredible. I would have loved to have met her." Elizabeth squeezed Nathan's hand in support.

"She would have liked you too. I have a feeling you were rather spirited yourself as a young girl." Nathan teased and nudged her shoulder with his as she feigned annoyance with her hand on her heart.

"Thank you for not mentioning that I've been rather spirited as a somewhat older girl now." Elizabeth nudged her shoulder back.

"Welllllll…." Nathan drawled with a wink earning a light shove from Elizabeth.

"I like talking with you Nathan. You always seemed so quiet, but you're not are you? You manage to pull out of me the things that I need to be saying…things I might not even realize myself yet," she admitted.

"Allie wouldn't call me quiet. These days she says I'm obnoxious." He drawled out the last word imitating his teen.

Elizabeth giggled to herself and teased, "Well she might be right. She's a pretty smart girl."

Nathan rolled his eyes and nudged her shoulder again with his, but this time he didn't break contact. "Colleen would have liked us." He said softly.

"I think I like us too." Elizabeth turned her face to look at Nathan. She was mere inches from his face.

He smiled with a blush and looked down—nervously kicking a pebble with his shoe. "Allie is going over to the Weise's tomorrow after school for a bit. Would you be interested in going for a ride with me? It wouldn't have to be long, and I know you would need to get back to Jack. I'd like to spend more time with you though. I could bring Sargeant saddled and ready to the schoolhouse."

Elizabeth took a breath. She wanted to say yes. How different this felt from Lucas expecting her to drop everything and ride! It was nice to have someone consider her needs and Jack's.

"Let me double-check with Laura. I usually stay and grade papers after school until about five. I'd love to spend some time with you too. I'll just make sure she is free and let you know in the morning when you drop Allie off."

"That would be great. Phew. I can't believe I got that out. Usually we get interru—"

"MAMA! Wook at dis!" Jack exclaimed loudly holding his hands out to show off his impressive pebble stack. Both adults chuckled.

"That feels about right…nevermind." Nathan laughed to himself. "That is so big Jack! How did you do that?" Nathan stood up from the porch step and crouched next to Jack's creation.

"Wif my hands." Jack stated plainly holding out his little hands.

"Very impressive son." Elizabeth said with an amused smile. "Why don't you give Mountie Nathan a hug. He has to head back to Allie and clean your big fish."

"Byyyyyyyyee N'atan! Wuv you!" He slammed into Nathan's chest nearly knocking him backwards.

"Bye Buddy. I love you too." Nathan kissed Jack's temple and looked up at Elizabeth with his eyes brimming with tears. Elizabeth nodded—her eyes misting as well.

It felt so right.

"See you tomorrow."

She took Jack's hand as she led him up the step where they watched Nathan all the way home. They waved each time he turned around—someone waved more wildly than the other.

A/N:

Lucas was the reason if you caught it.

"I see now how God used Lucas leaving as a reason to get my attention."

•Hope you enjoyed Bill & Elizabeth cooking together. Bill seems like the kind of guy that only opens up if he's doing something with his hands.

•Little Jack's fish story was partially inspired by my son Jere's first fish when he was 3 years old & my son Merrin's happy toddler stomp 18 months old.

•I'll never tell who the wild waver was. I purposefully left that up to you. Hope it made you smile.