11 - Surviving

~*Malek*~

~Month 1, Day 11~

"Let me tell you about your life before," I offer as we eat breakfast. It's the usual oily, salty soup, but with a second bowl, we can eat together now.

"We would like that," Lantash replies with a smile.

"You were born 1,380 years ago, and your larva name was Shadow."

"Larva name?"

"We all have very simple names before blending with our first host. After blending, we select a new name. Your name, Lantash, means warrior. Your first host…"

He smiles as I talk. He sometimes gives Martouf control, and they both ask questions. We talk. Truly talk. I tell him about each host and the life they lived together. Lantash is fascinated.

It lasts for days. Every morning, he has new questions that he thought about during the night.

"I want to remember them," he says in sorrow. "A symbiote should not forget his hosts."

"You will remember. I'll help you."

~Month 2, Day 18~

I hate Zar. I hate his Jaffa. I hate that drug. I hate the sarcophagus, though we never see it. I thought people were supposed to wake up in the thing, but we always wake up in a room.

Malek! You're back!

I'm back. Again. How many times have I died? Why are we wet?

He cringes. They did…many things.

I curl tighter around his spine.

You were dead for two days. I wasn't sure you were going to come back.

Two days?!

How long can you be dead?

I don't know. I suspect he experimented on Lantash to find out.

I take over when Jaffa walk into the room.

"Stand and follow, Tok'ra filth," says the first prime before he spits on us.

I close our eyes, then wipe the spit away before following him. Zar is waiting in a room with multiple prisoners. I don't recognize any of them.

They must be from another prison, Amb thinks as we are forced to kneel.

Zar walks over to a woman. "Where are the other Tok'ra?"

I glare.

"Their lives are in your hands. Tell me where to find the other Tok'ra. If you do, I'll order my Jaffa to take them back to their worlds."

I don't believe him for one second, but the other prisoners… They look to him, then to us, their eyes filled with hope.

I look at the ground, and I soon hear the woman screaming and thrashing. I close my eyes, feeling sick.

Do you want to hide behind me? My sweetest Amb offers.

No. We'll endure together.

The woman abruptly stops screaming, and I look up, expecting to see her body. She's twitching as she catches her breath.

"She won't survive for much longer," Zar taunts.

"Please, tell him!" The woman begs before the torture begins again.

"Do you honestly think they didn't move after my capture?!" I yell angrily, then cringe in regret. Stupid! Stupid!

Zar stops. "Then tell me where they were. Every base. Every outpost."

How can I be so stupid?! He won't free them. I know that. Amb knows that, and there is so much more information that we have. We cannot let Zar break us, not even a crack.

Zar begins again. The woman screams and writhes on the floor. Smoke begins to come off her clothes. The other prisoners beg us to talk. They cry. They yell. They call us all sorts of names. I block some of our hearing.

Sleep? I offer.

No.

The woman eventually dies.

Zar moves to the next prisoner.

~Month 2, Day 22~

Two people try to rob me. I put an immediate stop to it.

"Sha'lokma'kor," Lantash says from across the room.

They jump, having not realized he was there.

Over this?

He glares. "Sha'lokma'kor."

He's right, Amb agrees reluctantly.

I stab the nearest one, making it quick. The second one runs. He's grabbed by Lantash, who breaks one of his arms. I feel sick.

Do not show it. Do not show it!

"It was his idea!" He claims.

"You are above him," Lantash replies coldly before slitting his throat. He looks to me. "Next time, kill the leader first."

I wash blood off my hands, then find Lantash in our larger room, the calming room as Martouf calls it

"Did we have to kill them both?"

"Yes." He approaches me, then brushes my hair back. "We tried to be merciful at first as well. That only hurt Martouf."

I sigh. "I've killed before, but that was…more distant. To actually see his face. To smell his blood."

"Living here…it won't be the last time."

~Month 3, Day 3~

Malek?!

I'm here.

I thought I lost you. Amb cries, holding his hand over me.

I scan his body, finding bits and pieces…of me. How long was I gone? I ask, thoroughly disgusted.

Almost the full week.

What?!

Are you…intact?

Yes. I wiggle my new fins.

~+~+~.

Lantash is always stern when he grabs us, but his expression softens when we are alone. He gently takes our hand.

Amb pulls his hand away in fear, shaking his head in embarrassment.

"It was worse than usual?" He asks with care.

"Much worse." Amb closes his eyes. "I'm…not ready to be touched right now. Not even that."

"Are you hungry? Do you want to bathe?"

"I just want to sleep." He curls up in our bed of rags.

"We'll watch over you then."

Amb opens his eyes, just barely. "Thank you." He closes them again.

~+~+~.

We wake up to fighting inside our hovel. Lantash is fighting two of them. A third grabs Amb, but my host keeps a knife close. He stabs quickly, and the stranger somehow looks surprised.

They underestimated your strength. I curl tighter around his spine.

Lantash only killed one of the two, and he holds a blade to the neck of the one he spared.

"Why have you attacked us?" He demands.

"They…"

He flares his eyes. "You are a slave…doing as you were ordered. I may spare you, but only if you tell me the truth."

"People whisper of your weakness."

"My weakness?"

I cringe when the man looks towards me.

"Explain," Lantash orders.

"He is always recovering, and even when he is healthy, he is reluctant to defend himself."

Lantash pulls away. "If you bother us again, even if you are ordered to do so, I will kill you."

He nodded fearfully.

"Get out."

He ran out.

Lantash quickly strips the bodies, then throws them outside the doorway as a warning. He then kneels by us, remembering not to get too close.

"Amb?" He asks in worry.

"I am trouble for you."

"No. Life has become so much better-"

"No!" I reply angrily as I take control. "You told me to kill the thieves, and my reluctance is the reason we were attacked just now."

"Yes."

"I'm an idiot."

"Martouf and I made similar mistakes."

I retreat, needing to heal Amb.

"It has been better with you. Because of you, I'm looking forward to remembering my life again, and it's because of you that I can. Martouf would be losing himself again if we didn't have you." He sets his knife down, then retreats. Martouf looks to us with great admiration. "Thank you."

Amb almost reaches for him before painful memories make him pull away.

"It's still night. Try to heal."

Amb lays back.

I'll stay awake so that you do not have nightmares, I tell him.

Thank you.

To be continued…