Winter's Refuge
Chapter Eleven
LOM
After that we rode in silence. I remember the Kid always falling asleep on trains. Now he sat up straight, hands on his knees and looked forward. The clacking of the rails was the only noise in the car.
"Lom?"
"Yeah, Kid?"
"Chrissy's baby, is it a boy or a girl?"
"That's something you need to ask her." I had long ago promised Chrissy not to tell the Kid or Heyes that. She said she would if and when it was ever time. I noticed he said Chrissy's baby, not his.
The Kid looked forward again. I remembered I'd never found his hat. I decided I'd get him another one, brown with a wide brim, when I had the chance.
"Lom?"
"Yeah, Kid?"
"The baby… it look like me or Heyes?"
This question I could answer and answer sincerely. "Both of you, Kid. Don't forget you're cousins. You two don't look much alike to me, but you're first cousins."
"Do me a favor, Lom." He turned to me, and I saw something in his eyes but wasn't sure what it was. It was more sadness than anger but there was something else there, too.
"Sure, if I can."
"Don't tell Chrissy I know…know about Heyes and…"
I didn't make him finish the sentence. What I saw in his eyes was pain, pain and disillusionment and possibly love.
"I promise I won't say anything to her."
He looked relieved at my answer. I understood him. He was going to wait and see if she would tell him about Heyes. The Kid had told me before that all their secrets - their names, their childhoods, their quest for amnesty - he had shared them all with Chrissy. Said he didn't want any secrets between them. He was strong in his patience. He would wait for her to talk to him, tell him her secret.
JED 'KID' Curry
Chrissy was standing on the front porch waiting for us when we returned. She was in the same position, in the same dress, with the same blank look on her face as when we had left. She was staring in the direction we had ridden when we left. I had thought about her all the way home. Home. How quickly I came to call this ranch in Nebraska home. But Chrissy was here and, in six months, Heyes would be here, too. My family, they were my family. No matter what, I was going to provide for them, take care of them.
Juan came out and took the horses we'd rode from Bridgeport. We'd rode them there and boarded them at the livery while we took the train to Cheyenne. I'd ridden Winter's Glory, a tall horse that carried me easily. This was the same routine I planned to do every two weeks for the next six months.
Chrissy's eyes followed the horses, not Lom and I as we climbed the porch steps. I touched her gently on the arm to get her attention. "Chrissy."
She flinched at the touch but turned, bent her head to look at the ground and followed me inside. The sheets had been removed from the furniture in the living room, but no one had sat in there. The fireplace had not been used. Jose greeted me from the kitchen as he was stirring a pot that smelled like beef stew.
"Mr. Curry, welcome back." He didn't look up from the stewpot.
"It used to be Jed."
Still with his back to me he asked, "Hungry?"
I was distracted. Chrissy had not followed me into the kitchen. Quickly I looked around.
"Miss Chrissy went to her room. She stays in there most of the time, unless she was on the porch waiting for you two to come back."
Lom came from the bedrooms where he had dropped our travel bags. "Saw her in there. She's sitting in the rocking chair staring out the window." He looked questioning to Jose.
"Most all she does every day. If I lead her outside, she'll brush the horses."
I went and looked in the door of her bedroom. Chrissy was staring to the window but not out of it. As far as I could tell, she was looking at nothing. I didn't know how I felt about her right now. Heyes' words had left me feeling betrayed by the two people I cared about most in the world, the two people I consider my family. Lom's words on the train had calmed me. I tried to understand how I would have felt if Heyes had been dying in the next room. But I couldn't think about that. Somehow my mind took me in another direction when I tried to imagine that.
"Chrissy?" I decided to observe her bedroom as her personal space, so I did not enter the room. I wouldn't unless she invited me in. She didn't respond. "Chrissy," I said louder.
When she still didn't respond, I turned to go.
"Yes,sir," she answered after minutes of silence without looking at me. Her formal answer unsettled me.
"You want to go brush the horses?" Jose had said the horses were the only thing to interest her.
Again, a long silence and I thought that meant no. So, I started to leave.
"Yes, sir."
Her prison-enforced response again alarmed me. I stepped back dealing with my own prison flashbacks. Lom watched me from down the hall but did not approach. When I looked back into the room, Chrissy was standing in front of me, just waiting.
I held out my arm as I used to on our walks at Devil's Hole and later at Winter's Refuge. Tilting her head slightly, she looked at the arm as if the invitation was foreign to her. I lowered my arm. "This way."
"Mr. Curry?" Juan stopped me.
"It's Jed."
He shook his head. "Mr. Curry, people have been coming around asking about the smithy. Do you intend to work it?"
"Yes, I do."
"When? There's a man outside with a horse he says needs new shoes."
I looked at Chrissy. She had stopped when I stopped. She waited patiently. This was not the take charge woman I had known. The defiant playful look had left those mountain green eyes that I loved. Loved then and still loved now. No matter what she had done, I was determined to see that woman again.
"Juan, tell the man to come back tomorrow at eight and I'll shoe his horse."
"Yes, sir." Juan went to deliver my message.
There was that word again, 'sir.' The word I had to include every time I spoke to a guard, whether I respected them or not. The word I had to use every time I spoke to Master Haegle. A word that was no longer a sign of respect to me, but a sign of servitude. I walked to the barn making sure that Chrissy was walkin' behind me. She walked quietly. I handed her a brush.
"What's this beauty's name?" I asked her as she was workin'. Her concentration was on the rhythmic movement of the brush. She didn't respond to my question, so I found another brush and started to brush the other side of the horse.
We worked in silence until I heard her say, "Mine."
I decided not to push her to talk, so I moved to the next horse and started brushing her. After a couple of minutes, I asked her, "Your horse?"
She patted the horse on the nose and the horse snuggled her back. "Mine," she repeated.
I went and stood next to her admiring the horse. She didn't acknowledge me; the horse was her focus. "Ride?" she asked. I saw her start to look at me but caught herself and looked back at the horse.
I remembered the rides we had gone on at Winter's Refuge. Long, free rides, chasin' the wind and laughin' together. Some of those rides we had ended up layin' together on the grass in their upper meadow. When I was in prison, I dreamed of those times holdin' her in my arms, makin' love in the shade of a stately tree. A tree we came to call Our Tree. I wanted that life for real then, not just for a few weeks. Watchin' her standin' there, happy to take care of her horse, I realized I wanted that life still. But now Heyes may be between us. If she wanted Heye I would step aside. I would still take care of them. They're my family.
I asked Jose what he thought about Chrissy going for a ride. He looked concerned but his words didn't reflect that. "May do her good. Summer's Gold has always been her favorite horse to ride." He looked down the stalls to her. "I'll have her ready to ride tomorrow morning, and Winter's Glory again for you." His care for her was obvious. His attitude towards me was cold.
"Tomorrow after lunch would be better. I'm openin' the forge tomorrow."
ASJ*****ASJ
Even in a real bed with soft sheets and a fluffy pillow, sleep came in small spells broken by hours of staring at the ceiling. After two years working on the railroad, I was used to wakin' up early. I was up before dawn, makin' coffee, waitin' for the first light.
Three sides of the blacksmith building opened out, propped up by sturdy posts when extended. I started the forge fire and rearranged the anvil and other tools where I liked them. The previous owner had left the shop as if he were returnin' to work the next day. It was fully stocked with the metals I would need. It occurred to me that I would now have to buy my own supplies. Before the railroad had provided everything I said I needed. I had brought my new hammer down to the blacksmith shop, my blacksmith shop, with me. A familiar heat filled the open-sided building, but it was nothing like the heat of the forge in Arizona. I smiled as I put on the blacksmith's apron and gloves I found there. I started with a repair of the latch on one of our corral gates. This first simple task as a free man made me happy. I had a profession.
"You are the new blacksmith?" a deep, older voice asked. The man was old enough to be my father.
"I am. Name's Jed."
"You shoe horses? Nobody around that can shoe horses for six months," he complained to me.
"Yes, I shoe horses."
"How much you charge?"
I didn't know how much to charge. Heyes would have known but he wasn't here. Even if he was, I wasn't sure I could have a civil conversation with him
"That sign your prices?" The man was squinting at a wooden sign with prices burned into it. They seemed as good as any for now.
"Yes, sir." I returned and caught myself when I used that hated word.
"Can I have him before lunch?"
I was still thinking of how easy I had used 'sir' and didn't hear him.
"Or do you need him for longer?"
I pulled myself back to what I was doing…helping MY first customer in MY own forge. "He'll be ready by eleven." I took the horse's lead as the man walked away. I hadn't even asked him his name.
It took me almost the three hours 'til eleven to get his hooves cleaned, trimmed and shaped and get him shod. I would have to work to get a pile of horseshoes shaped in reserve for next time. I was excited. Excited to be making money, legal money, in my own blacksmith shop. Well, technically it was Chrissy's blacksmith shop. She owned it all: the ranch, the barn, the ranch house, the smithy, and the horses. I'd have to ask Lom about payin' some kind of rent for the shop. He came by to tell me lunch was in an hour.
"Hey, Kid. How's it feel to be working for yourself?" He stayed outside the heat of the forge area and leaned on one of the open wall supports. I had examined them. Whoever built this place did it with care. Once planted, those supports wouldn't move, even when a man of Lom's size leaned against them.
"Good, Lom, real good." I kept workin' as I talked to him.
"Jose said you're taking Chrissy riding this afternoon?"
"Yeah, after lunch."
"You sure that's a good idea?" I heard the masked concern in his voice.
"Her idea. And yeah, I think it's a good one. Might help her recover. It was something she loved to do."
He nodded. "Just watch her. She's fragile," he told me.
"Ain't gonna do nothing that would hurt her, just ride horses. She seems lost inside herself, maybe ridin' will get her to look around, look out," I answered and appreciated the approval I saw on his face.
"Kid," Lom's voice turned serious, worried. "I got to leave tomorrow. Jose's going back to Winter's Refuge then, too."
I stopped what I was doing in mid shoe. The horse turned around to see what I was doin'.
Catchin' myself, I went back to attaching the shoe.
"Always knew you couldn't stay. Porterville is missin' their favorite sheriff." I tried to give a jokin' tilt to my voice.
"Yeah, Deputy Harker and them new young kid deputies get pretty lenient when I'm gone. Gotta keep my job to keep Heyes in books," he joked. Then the question he wanted to ask without offendin' me. "Can you handle this place with just Juan?"
"And Chrissy. Hopin' she helps more with the horses each day." I kept my response quick. "We'll do just fine."
"But if the blacksmith business picks up?"
"I'll only do what I can handle and still work the ranch. Jose said we have two mares comin' in a few days. Our boys are ready to stand stud."
"Good, Kid, good. Just wanted to be sure before I left. Marshal Gates was going to try and stop by but he's on an assignment in New Mexico." Lom started to walk back to the house.
"Don't trust me Lom?"
"I trust you completely, Kid. I'm still worried about that reward on her, even if we are in Nebraska."
"I'll protect her." I know my words came out as a growl. I didn't like what he implied. Implied that was another Heyes type word I learned from readin'.
"I know that. Kid, you've only been free a little while. You got adjustments to make, too."
"Workin' on that," I answered and wondered if there was something he had noticed about me I needed to change now that I was pardoned. "Oh, and Lom, what rent am I payin' Chrissy for the blacksmith shop?"
"Nothing. You're the one making this arrangement work. Don't know where she'd be healing and safe without you." Lom seemed confused that I would even ask the question. I decided I'd put part of every fee in a jar for rent and we'd discuss it again later.
ASJ*****ASJ
A beef stew lunch was waiting when I went back up to the house. I looked around for Chrissy.
"I called her, but she didn't come out," Lom said between bites of a soft roll.
"She don't eat unless we bring the food to her. Even then I don't know how much she eats." Jose had joined us after settin' a big bowl in front of me. Stew with beef was a treat. Hadn't had anything with beef in prison. I dug in then made a decision.
I went and prepared a second bowl and put a roll on the side. I balanced the bowl on top of mine and stood outside Chrissy's open door. I'd learned she liked the door open. I knew how she felt after bein' locked up.
"Chrissy?" She didn't respond but I was learning to wait for a response. When after a couple of minutes, she was still looking at nothing, I tried again. "Hi, Chrissy. It's Jed."
After a moment she turned to me. I didn't know if she saw me…or knew me.
"I thought we could eat lunch together." I stood outside her door still resolved not to enter unless invited. I knew too many men had entered uninvited and unwanted in the last years. I held my free hand out to her.
She stood slowly. She looked at me and then at the bed with a question in those lovely green eyes. With a spark of anger, I realized what she was askin' me.
"Only lunch, then we'll go ridin'. Remember?"
She looked at me, but not at my face, and then to her bed again.
My heart was breakin'. "No Chrissy. No one will ever hurt you again. No one will ever lay with you unless you invite them. Never again, I promise."
Finally, her eyes raised to me. Walkin' towards me, she held her hand up and showed me the ring on her finger. "No promises," she said, softly echoing my words when I gave it to her.
Not wanting to scare her, I took her hand gently and brought it to my lips, kissing the ring. "Today, I do promise."
I let go of her hand and she looked at me again without seein' me. We stood in the doorway for a few minutes. I waited for her to make the first move. She took a deep breath and reached for the top bowl of stew. With her leadin', we went and sat, joining the others at the kitchen table.
ASJ*****ASJ
Summer's Gold was saddled and ready when me and Chrissy got to the corral. Winter's Glory was impatiently waiting his turn. I had brought a carrot for him. He allowed me to saddle him. I went to Chrissy as she stood by her horse. I made the motion of helpin' her onto the horse, but she shook her head no and kept shakin, it as she lead the mare to the porch. By standing on the top step, she could reach the saddle and easily mounted.
As we rode at a gentle trot, her eyes darted everywhere. I had hoped that she would enjoy the freedom of ridin', but I could tell she was nervous, even scared.
I pulled Glory up next to her horse. "You okay, darling?"
She jumped at my voice. I knew to wait for the answer.
"Back!" It was the first word I'd heard her say with emotion.
"Okay, let's go back." I pulled on my reins and turned Glory around. She just stared at me, now facin' in the opposite direction. She looked at her hands and dropped the reins. I could tell she didn't remember what to do with them.
Summer's Gold was well-trained horse and when I turned around, she started to circle behind us. I grabbed her reins, but Chrissy rocked in the saddle. Her face had gone blank, and I knew she had retreated inside of herself and shut out the world.
"Chrissy, hold onto the reins!" I said more sternly than I meant, but I saw her start to lose her seat in the saddle.
"Yes, sir," came her practiced reply, but she didn't move.
Leanin' over, I wrapped the reins around her hands and through her fingers. I pushed her hands down firmly and felt some grippin' of the reins.
Slowly, I led an obedient Summer's Gold back towards the ranch at a much slower speed than we had rode out here.
"Chrissy, don't call me sir. You always called me Jed."
There was no response. Her vision was fixed on her hands, and she saw and heard nothing else.
I was relieved when the ranch house came into view but worried about touchin' her to get her down from the horse.
"Juan, help me," I called and he emerged from the stables in the barn.
When he saw Chrissy, he ran to her, taking the reins from me. Still lookin' at her hands, she slipped off the horse into Juan's arms. Instantly, she became a fighter, strugglin' to get her feet on the ground, hittin' at his chest to get out of his grasp.
"Steady her and let her fall," I ordered him.'
"Yes, sir," he answered and watched as she got her feet under herself and backed away from him. She eyed him as a dog eyes a coyote.
Then it passed. She stood still. Lookin' at the trees, she was starin' at nothing. I liked that there was still fight in her.
"Chrissy, let's go into the house." I tried to say it kindly and not as an order.
"Yes, sir," she answered, and stood waitin'.
Realizin' she was waitin' for me to move first, I handed Juan my reins. I thought about offerin' her my arm, but I didn't know if she would reject it, again.
I took a few steps and looked back to see her followin', eyes fixed on the ground. In the house I wasn't sure what to do next. Lom was sittin' on the main room couch readin' a book, feet up on a stool whose cover had seen better days. I was used to Chrissy goin' to her room every time we walked into the house so I sat in a chair across from him in the chair.
"New book? You read all the ones you sent to us first?" I teased him.
He started to laugh and then moved his eyes to the space next to me. Chrissy was standin' there patiently. Surprised, but glad that she didn't go off alone, I smiled at her and motioned to the other chair.
"Sit down, Chrissy. Join us."
Again, the delay in movement and in speech. When she moved to the chair and sat down, she answered, "Yes, sir."
I repeated what I had told her many times now. "It's Jed, not sir."
Her eyes had focused on the book now on Lom's lap. He noticed that, too.
"Chrissy, would you like to read this book before I take it to Heyes?"
She nodded her head but didn't take the offered book, just sat there quietly. Lom realized his mistake in bringing up Heyes, but she didn't seem to notice. "Leave it on her bed," I told him. We were copyin' how she would have received it in prison.
I didn't feel comfortable tellin' Lom about our ride with her sittin' there so I was glad when Lom brought up a new subject.
"Saw you had your first customer in the blacksmith shop today."
I smiled. "Got me a legal, lawful profession, Lom. Feels good."
"You did good, Kid."
"Yeah but didn't know what to charge." I laughed. "Never got paid for my smithy work before."
"What did you do?"
"There was an old sign on the wall that gave prices. Figured that would do for now."
Lom laughed. "You could probably get more as there's no other blacksmiths around."
'Fixed the latch for our gate, too. Felt good workin' on something for our home."
"I've been thinking since I saw you working. What are you going to name your place?"
"I gotta name it?"
"What about something simple like Curry's Blacksmith?"
"Nothing simple about namin' something Curry's." I hadn't thought of a name or figurin' prices or even where to buy the supplies when I thought of havin' a business.
"You trying to hide, Kid?"
That question stopped me. I felt safe here. I could pretend I hadn't been a convict and I wasn't Kid Curry. "Guess I kinda am, Lom. But when I think about it, I can't really take that chance, can I?" I thought about the threats against Chrissy.
He nodded. "You been practicin' with that gun of yours?" The question was asked casually for Chrissy's sake.
"Startin' tomorrow." I didn't want my reputation back, but I knew that I couldn't hide and will need to be fast and accurate again to avoid trouble. AND keep my family safe. "After dinner, I'm going back down to the forge. Want to get some horseshoes made and ready."
ASJ*****ASJ
Chrissy sat at the table when I invited her, but ate little. I stood up when finished and went to my room to put on my gun. I had cleaned it every night since Lom gave it back to me, but had yet to shoot it. When I turned around, Chrissy was in the doorway of my bedroom, just as I stand in the doorway of hers.
"Book should be in your room. Why don't you go read? I got some work to do."
She didn't move, just watched me. "Excuse me, Chrissy. I need to get by." In a moment she stepped back into the hall and let me pass. She was still standin, there when I closed the front door on my way out.
It wasn't dark yet and the moon was full so with the lantern I had seen in the shop I had plenty of light to work. I opened the three walls and fired up the forge. Movin' a horseshoe from the forge to the anvil, I saw that I was being watched. Chrissy stood there watchin, intently.
"Stay out of here! Careful. It gets hot, very hot," I said sternly but then regretted my tone. And again, I saw her retreat mentally away from me.
She watched in silence, but her eyes never left my hands. After half an hour, I pulled a chair from the back room, set it outside, and pointed. "Sit."
A quiet beat. "Yes, sir," she said sitting down.
"It's Jed."
She watched for hours as I prepared a stack of horseshoes and then rearranged the tools again. I should be able to fully shoe a horse in forty five minutes now. When the forge had started to cool down, I pulled the sides closed. She was still sittin' there watchin'. But her expression wasn't blank, it showed interest.
'I need that chair," I said, pointin' to the chair she was usin'. She followed me into the small back room the previous owner had lived in the last few years he was here. I carried the chair over to the small square table and slid it in. Chrissy was behind me. When I turned and looked at her, she started to pull her dress off over her head.
"NO!" I reached out and pulled the dress back down. "Chrissy, you don't have to do that anymore…ever!"
She looked confused and backed up. I tried to put my hands on her shoulders to make her understand. She didn't cringe, just looked up at me. "Chrissy, you're not in prison anymore. No man can make you lay with them unless you consent." Then thinkin' of the servitude contract I had signed, I thought of a way to try to explain it. "No one owns you anymore. No one can tell you what to do. You're free. Do you understand?"
I don't know if she understood, but she pulled out her chair and sat back down. I had no more words to use. I picked up my few things and motioned that I was leavin'. She followed me to the house and disappeared into her room.
I woke Lom. I needed to talk to him before he left.
He shook his head and said, "She's healing, Kid, just very slowly. Just be patient. She's fragile. Maybe her actions are her way of choosing you?" Lom continued, "You're healing, too, even if you don't see it. The last thing her prison doctor said was don't push her healing, you may lose her. Let her recover at her own pace.
ASJ*****ASJ