Nine layers of Hell

by fvdv123

ROB, the Random Omnipotent Being, is pissed off at the Fan Fiction Authors for using and abusing his name in their stories. So, when I died, I got His revenge. Forced to live through my favorite stories, I have to avoid ending up in Hell. M for a reason, all the tropes will get their turn and there will be girls eventually. You know me, MR Cringe and Gary Stu are supervising.

20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer:

Mrs. J.K.,… and I suppose Mr. Sinyk too, I hope you are not mad about what I am doing… who am I kidding, I doubt you even know I exist. Well, in case you do know, I do this for free.

Previous:

"You can see our bond, Miss Luna? That is a special gift you have there." I complimented, "In what way are you seeing the bond?"

Luna squinted her eyes and answered: "I see them as silver strings, connecting you to Heiress Greengrass and Miss Granger."

We just filled our plates when we got swarmed by Gringotts and Ministry owls.

20 Don't sample the goods!

Eight owls landed in front of us on the table, each of them trying to deliver their letter first. By doing that they also are ruining our food. Who's idea was it to let those bloody birds deliver letters at breakfast? Ah, J.K. did, she changed the diet of those birds too, for some reason they want to eat bacon. Do that with real owls and they die in a matter of weeks, we won't survive a diet of bird seeds either, or having to swallow rats and mice with skin and bones included. But, that is me nagging about details.

The owls took off when they got rid of the letters leaving a ruined breakfast behind. My first letter started with:

Ministry of Magic

Office of Births, Deaths, and Marriages.

To Heir Harry James Potter,

Heir Potter, We congratulate you on the Blessing you received from Mother Magic, You and Miss Hermione Jean Granger formed a soul bond, yesterday evening at 21.08 hours.

As you both are underage, inform your head of Houses of this news, so that proper accommodations can be arranged for you and Miss Granger, as per Ministerial law.

As this is a rare occasion, the Ministry will take steps to guarantee your safety.

With kind regards,

Francis Weatherby, head of the department.

Hey, there is a Weatherby! I always thought Fudge and Crouch were sassing Percy. The other Ministry letter on Daphne was the same only the hour was 21.20.

The Gringotts one said about the same:

Gringotts,

Office of Inheritance and Marriage,

Heir Harry James Potter,

Gringotts recorded a soul bond between you and Miss Hermione Jean Granger at 21.08 last night.

If you wish to add Miss Granger to the access list of your vaults, you need to see your account manager Sharpclaw, at your earliest convenience.

Gringotts congratulates you both on this rare Magic joining.

May our businesses thrive,

Blockrig

I looked at the head table, Snape and Dumbledore were missing, I bet Snape was not done with his tantrum, and Dumbledore was comforting the baby.

"It is official now, Daphne, Snape is not your head of house anymore, maybe ask Flitwick or Sprout after breakfast is done?"

"Professor Flitwick and Professor Sprout, Harry." scolded Hermione.

"I knew that honey, I was just testing that you were the real Hermione." I teased, then I raised my voice, "Elves? Can we have clean plates, please? Ah, so much better. So, Miss Lovegood, you have the ability to see Magic Auras? That is Rowena's gift if I remember it correctly. That makes you a true Ravenclaw."

My comment stirred the Ravenclaw and the Beaubatons students up, Fleur asked: "Miss Lovegood? Is it true that you have natural Mage sight? That is a once-in-a-lifetime gift! Talented Wizards and Witches have to study for years to develop that ability. I envy you, Miss Lovegood, when you graduate there will be plenty of job offers waiting for you."

That speech gutted the Ravenclaws, they were making fun and sometimes right on bullying Luna for her silly comments, and now they find out she was speaking the truth? That is a bitter pill to swallow.

"I wish I had that gift too, Miss Lovegood, I hope we can be friends, Merlin knows I need better ones. And having a friend who can see our bond is priceless. Do you want to be our friend, Miss Lovegood?"

Luna had tears in her eyes and answered: "I want that very much, Mr. Potter, you can call me Luna if you want."

"Then call me Harry, and I bet my bonded won't mind that you call them by their first names too."

I turned to Fleur and said: "I am sorry for messing up last night, Miss Delacour, it seems that every year something dangerous has to happen to me. Entering this Tournament was not my idea of fun. I am planning to just make the necessary effort to keep my Magic, and end up dead last."

Fleur looked thoughtful and commented: "That will be a dangerous gamble, Mr. Potter. The Goblet may judge that you are sabotaging the Tournament for not doing your best at the tasks, and lose your Magic as a result."

Cedric, who was sitting behind us heard it and butted in: "Miss Delacour is right, Harry, the Goblet may see it as you manipulating the contest. Arranging for you to be first or last, is still cheating the outcome of the Tournament. And we saw last night it can punish the culprits."

I groaned: "Blasted! Now I have to try to win this thing? I better write my Will before the first task, Merlin only knows what we are up against."

Xxxxx

After our breakfast, we went to the head table and showed our letters from the Ministry to McGonagall, Daphne hers to Flitwick… Professor Flitwick. Jeesh, Hermione can read my thoughts already? Nah, it must have been my imagination.

"An apartment on neutral ground, if you please, Professor McGonagall, so our friends from both houses can visit without fear of getting hexed," I demanded.

"I have to discuss this with the Headmaster," Said McGonagall.

"No, you don't have to, Professor." I said, "It is the duty of the head of house to arrange sleeping quarters. And your responsibility is only for Hermione, I got expelled from Hogwarts last night, You do remember that I was selected for another school? As a fourth Champion, you are contract bound to give me lodging if I didn't bring my own."

Daphne said: "Professor Flitwick? Professor Snape can't perform his duties anymore, can I ask you to step in for me? Here is the letter from the Ministry and Gringotts."

Smart girl, Flitwick is part Goblin and letters from Gringotts are more convincing than those from the Ministry.

"We need confirmation from Madam Pomfrey first to make it official, miss Greengrass, go with your bonded to the hospital wing to get examined," said Flitwick after reading the letters.

Along the way, McGonagall complained to me: "You were out of order yesterday, Mr. Potter, we lost a talented Potion Master last night."

I chuckled: "I was out of order? Are you serious? That prick has been insulting me from the very first lesson. And for the record, professor, it was Snape's own action that got him squibbed, and it wasn't me but the other Champions that did the squibbing."

I looked at her: "Do you really think that what he did in his classroom was teaching? The recipe is on the board you have one hour to complete it, is that teaching? Then you are an incompetent Deputy Headmistress. It is your Job to see that the teachers are doing their job, and you failed miserably at yours."

Daphne spoke up: "Harry is right Professor, we would learn more about potions if no professor was in the classroom. Snape is not a teacher, and I am glad to get rid of him."

That shut the bitch up! She would be lying if she said she didn't know about the bullying. She got enough complaints about it in the years he was teaching. It was Dumbledore who dismissed all complaints about Snape. Meh, he is gone now… is he? Can squibs still brew potions? That man is a cockroach, it is hard to get rid of him.

Madam Pomfrey confirmed the bond: "The bond is there, but it is not completed, I advise you to do that as fast as possible Mr. Potter."

"We will do that on our own initiative and when we are ready to do so, Madam Pomfrey. We don't want to rush things too soon."

Pomfrey protested: "It has to be done as soon as possible Mr. Potter, you have to trust my expertise in this."

I shook my head: "Your expertise, Madam Pomfrey? The expertise of a school nurse is trustworthy? Then explain to me why you never saw the signs of the abuse from my relatives, I came in here plenty of times. Tell me, is it hard to see if a boy is malnourished, has broken bones, is way too small and skinny for his age, and has his back full of scars?"

I turned to McGonagall and said: "And you, my head of House Gryffindor, nobody said to you about it? Are the Weasley twins and Oliver Wood blind? After every match, we showered together. So? I bet you knew and didn't give a shit about me."

Flitwick… Professor Flitwick said: "Poppy? Minerva? Is what Mr. Potter said true? Poppy? How could you miss all those signs? Minerva?"

Pomfrey answered: "Dumbledore told me to keep quiet about it, it wasn't that bad he said, he had Mr. Potter's home monitored."

McGonagall said: "The same for me, the headmaster forbade me to take action."

Hermione commented: "I advise flushing potions and analyzing spells to find compulsions and obliviate traces. Come, Harry and Daphne, we have places to go. See you later Professors."

Xxxxx

Now that we spanked McGonagall, we have the opportunity to slip away to Gringotts. I called Dobby: "Dobby? Can you transport us to Gringotts or is that too far away?"

A pop later we stood on the doorsteps of the bank. "Thank you Dobby, can you bring that satchel with the Tiara to us when I ask for it?"

"Dobby can do that Master Harry sir." and he popped away, or popped himself invisible, that is possible too.

At a teller, I asked for a meeting with Sharpclaw. The teller tried to be funny, "Do you have an appointment?"

"No, but if the letter from Gringotts says at your earliest convenience, does that mean it is okay to let Sharpclaw wait for us?" I answered.

The teller smelled the roses, if he continued to sass the client, he might be a head shorter by the end of the day. Sharpclaw is not someone to mess with.

"Follow the runner, Mr. Potter, he will guide you to your Account manager." We stopped at a door with the label Potter on it. I commented: "I must be rich, an office for my account alone? Nice."

The goblin in that office was not nice at all: "Potter! Why haven't you answered any of our summons over the last three years?"

"Well hello to you too, Account Manager Sharpclaw, my name is Harry Potter, nice to meet you. The reason why I never answered your mail is your fault. After the first year, you must have suspected that my mail was tampered with. Do you really expect a child to know what he should do? I was raised in the Muggle world, Sharpclaw, what do you think they know about Gringotts bank policies?"

"Your Magic Guardian should have taught you our policies, Mr. Potter!" shouted Sharpclaw.

I looked at him with pity: "And who do you think is messing with my mail, Genius? I never got one letter from you or Gringotts except the one from Blockrig, the head of Inheritance and marriage. That is one of the reasons for our visit.

I straightened up and started: "We start to let you send my mail to Miss Granger or Miss Greengrass until that mail redirection is removed from me. Then I want to add them to the access list and want to remove everyone else but us three. All other keys need to be revoked."

I grinned and said: "Last evening I got selected as the fourth Champion of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. The organizers of that tournament declared that only Wizards of age are allowed to participate, so I am claiming my ring as the head of my family. I am a Lord now."

Sharpclaw shook his head: "Not so fast, Heir Potter, first of all, there are no Lords in the Magic world, you are Head of House Potter if the Wizengamot accepts your emancipation application. The one you have to apply for today. That will take a week to process before you can call yourself the Head of House Potter."

I protested: "Hey! What about Lord Voldemort? Is he something special?"

Sharpclaw shrugged: "Call yourself Lord Potter for all I care if that is what you want. Now focus on your business, that is years overdue."

With the help of Daphne and Hermione, we sorted our account statements and investments out, we are quite rich, even if I say so myself. Hermione and I discussed investments in the Muggle world, and Daphne took care of the Wizarding side. A ride on the roller coaster to our vault got us our rings, and a bunch of books, equally divided by the fiancees.

Back in Sharpclaw's office, I addressed the last hot iron in the fire: "What are the rewards for the ones that report a major breach in Gringotts policy, Account Manager Sharpclaw?"

Suspiciously he asked: "How serious is that breach, Mr. Potter?"

I answered with a question: "What is your policy of storing Horcruxes?"

He glared at me and said: "10% from the contents of the vault it is in, or 10% from your vault for giving false information about the darkest of Magics. So be very careful with what you are claiming Mr. Potter."

I nodded: "Voldemort made six, or maybe seven of them. One is already destroyed, one I have in my possession, I can get my hands on another one in a few weeks, he made his pet snake one, there is one in his grandparents' house, and there is one in Bellatrix Lestrange's Vault, the rumored Hufflepuff Cup that was stolen from Smith in the late forties."

That last comment made Sharpclaw slap on some runes and shouting in Gobelelydobbely or whatever their language is called. A few minutes later a runner confirmed my information.

"Where did your info come from, Mr Potter? Knowledge about Horcruxes is hard to find, and knowing where one is, is even harder," asked Sharpclaw.

"That information is locked by Magic, Sharpclaw, I can not talk about it. But I have to say that I suspect there is one more of them, my scar is one or resembles one. Can you have this checked out please?"

Now that we are skipping class, we might as well go all the way. Rip the band-aid off, put it all on the table, coming out clean, show the goods… no, that is for something else I think. Meh, they get the message. Another slap on his runes filled the office with a bunch of old Goblins. Did you know that they are using ritual knives to do Magic? We do now, I almost punched an old Goblin's lights out when he pointed a knife at my face. Daphne was just in time to stop me.

Sharpclaw said: "You were right about your scar, Mr. Potter, it is not a real Horcrux, but a sliver of his Soul that is bedded in your scar. We can remove it right now if you want, for a fee of course. We will charge the cost of the removal of the Horcrux of Mrs. Lestrange's Vault from your 10%."

Daphne interrupted: "That is not acceptable! We earned that 10% by reporting its presence in that vault. It should have been discovered by Gringotts sooner, charging the cost of its destruction falls to the bank. We should get an extra bonus for reporting the existence of other Horcruxes. Also, we need to know the cost of the removal of that Soul Sliver. If it exceeds double the cost of a normal exorcism, then we are going to consult specialists."

Sharpclaw looked sourly at me: "We will owl you our offer Mr. Potter, owl your confirmation, there are preparations to be made before we can do the ritual."

My last action in Gringotts was to make my Will, there was no way Molly would get her greedy paws on my money. I better destroy that Tiara myself, Merlin knows what they will ask for its destruction.

Xxxxx

Outside the bank, I asked Daphne: "Are your parents home, Daphne? We can visit them today and explain our bond. Hermione? When are your parents home?"

Daphne answered: "My father is doing his business from home, I expect both of them to be home. We can apparate there now."

Hermione said: "My parents are done at 19.00 hours, it is Wednesday, they work later that day to serve the people who can't skip work."

A trip with the Knight bus took us to the Greengrass doorstep, Dad and Mum Greengrass were standing next to Daphne and faced me.

Daphne introduced us: "Father, may I introduce you to my soul-bonded partner, Mr. Harry James Potter, Head of House Potter, and Miss Hermione Jean Granger, also Soul-bonded to Mr. Potter. Harry, I present you my father Mathias Cyrus Greengrass, and my Mother Candice Ellen Greengrass."

That introduction made an impact on my in-laws, Dad-in-law recuperated first: "Soul bonded to two Witches? That is never heard of… oh where are my manners, welcome to our home Mr. Potter and Miss Granger, let us take this to our office to talk things over."

That was better than I expected, I was waiting for glares and comments like not my daughter, not let's take this to my office… crap! Are they going to slap a contract on my ass?

In the office, we made ourselves comfortable, for as far as it was possible. Dad-in-law asked: "Can you explain how you managed to make it into a two-way bond?"

Shit! I knew I did something wrong! Daphne had to kiss first to make this believable.

Daphne came to my rescue: "Father, yesterday Harry got selected as the fourth Champion in the Tri-Wizard Tournament. I knew that Hermione had strong feelings for Harry too, and I need to keep my name to give heirs to House Greengrass, we talked it over and decided to share him." She took our hands and continued, "Last night we both kissed him. We were surprised that we created a two-way Soul bond, but it happened. This morning we received letters from the Ministry and Gringotts."

I said: "We know that a Soulbond is considered a marriage, but for the moment we see ourselves as engaged and we plan to take our time to get to know each other better. We visited Gringotts today and we need your advice about some urgent matters."

Mr. Greengrass nodded: "To begin with, call me Mathias and my wife likes it if you call her Deece. Welcome to the family. Now, what are your urgent matters?"

"Three things, first, my Godfather Sirius Black, is innocent of those crimes, he was never the Secret keeper, and got put in Azkaban without a trial. I want a trial for him to have all the charges against him dropped, and the Kiss on sight canceled. Second, last year I killed a Basilisk, and want to find someone who can render it into parts. And last but the most important part, Voldemort is working on a method to get a new body, and we discovered how he is planning to do that."

OK… I could have been more subtle, each of my points was enough to get their knickers in a twist, the three together were enough to cause a heart attack. We explained it all during the day, I showed them the memory of slaying the Basilisk, which proved points two and three, and the memory of the Shrieking Shack proved Sirius' innocence and that Peter is still alive.

Finally, we agreed on a course of action, Dad-in-law said: "We visit Hogwarts next Saturday, Madam Bones will come along, and Gregor Ianovich, he is an acknowledged renderer of exotic animals, will come along too. I will make an appointment with a reputed Solicitor to discuss Mr. Black's case. Let's have dinner, then you can visit Hermione's parents."

Xxxxx

After another hellish ride with that Knight bus, we arrived at the Grangers. Hermione forgot her key and rang the doorbell, Mum-in-law opened the door: "Hermione? Why are you here, did something happen? Come in. Ant! Hermione came home!"

The explanation took long enough, Dad-in-law summed it up: "So, both of you had a crush on Harry and decided to share him. Then, when you kissed him, you bonded with Harry and now the Wizarding world considers you three married to each other? Does this sort of thing happen a lot? Where do you go from here? What are your plans?"

Hermione answered: "We don't see ourselves as married yet, Daddy, we plan to go on dates first the bond will make sure that we spend the rest of our life together, but we are not in a hurry to start a family."

I do plan to practice a lot though. Both are fine specimens of the female kind and totally shaggable. We agreed to spend part of our Christmas break here and said our goodbyes.

Xxxxx

Dobby popped us back into Hogwarts, in front of McGonagall's office. She let us in and asked: "Can you explain where you were all day? We have been looking for you for hours."

I answered: "We went to see my in-laws, they deserved an explanation before they read the lies from the Daily Prophet. Are our quarters ready, Madam McGonagall?"

She bit back: "It is Professor McGonagall, Mr. Potter! The headmaster told me to wait on that until he has spoken with you."

I coolly said: "May I point out that I am competing for another school, so it is impossible to be a student here. So, if you don't want to share Snape's fate, you better hurry to give me private quarters for me and my wives. At this moment you are hindering my participation in the Tournament, and you have an hour to rectify it. Then I call on the Goblet. What do you think Madam McGonagall, what are the odds for you to keep your Magic?"

She paled at my threat, I added: "I am a Student from a different school now, Dumbledore has no business with me or my wives other than to provide suitable lodgings for the visiting Champion and his retinue. And to be honest McGonagall, I am done jumping through Dumbledore's hoops. He can talk to me tomorrow at breakfast, if he bothers me today, I will call on the Goblet."

That is fun, obey me or I call the Goblet! Fuck! Am I turning into a Malfoy? Although, it is working most of the time. It is working now, McGonagall led us to a painting on the seventh floor near the Gryffindor dorms.

I stopped her: "No, Madam McGonagall, I need quarters close to the main floor, I am not a Gryffindor anymore, and am tired of these subtle manipulations. There are enough quarters available on the first and second floors. And tell your boss that any charms in my quarters count as hindering the Fourth Champion. Now, are you hindering me, Madam McGonagall?" Or I call my Goblet! Hah! Bow to the Goblet! Obey or get squibbed!

We settled in a nice apartment on the second floor, it has a common room and four bedrooms, I asked one for guests with Luna in mind. That girl needs a safe spot to get some rest. The house elves delivered our stuff, then I called Dobby and Winky.

Dobby, can you check that all my possessions are here? Winky, can you do the same for Daphne and Hermione? Daphne? Do you want to inform your sister and Tracey? I remember that you and Tracey Davis were together all the time. Hermione?"

Hermione shrugged: "I am not that close with my dorm mates, they can hear about it tomorrow."

Daphne said: "I will write a note to Astoria and Tracey, if they want to talk, Winky can bring them here."

"Do that, it is almost curfew, Winky popping them here will avoid them getting detention," I suggested.

Ten minutes later, Daphne was talking to Tracey and Astoria in her room to explain the situation, a half hour later, they came out, Astoria gave me a big hug and welcomed me into the family.

Tracey glared at me and threatened: "If you dare to hurt her then I will hunt you down, you hear me, Potter?"

"I am not planning to hurt her, but, how are you going to hunt me down? Do you have special skills?" I asked curiously.

"I have money, that should be enough to get it done," she smirked.

She has a point, you don't have to do everything yourself, you can delegate, I have been doing it too recently, my weapon is a goblet, but it gets things done. I call it my Squibber.

"Daphne is lucky to have such a loyal friend, Miss Davis, you are welcome to enter our quarters any time of the day or night." I turned to Astoria, "You too, Miss Astoria, I guess the snake pit is not safe anymore for the both of you once it is known that Daphne bonded to me."

Daphne said: "Harry is right, with Snape gone and no replacement to keep the upper years in line, they will take advantage of the situation to settle some scores. Tracey, Astoria, you better sleep here until a new head of house is selected."

"I will carve some ward stones tomorrow to secure their bedrooms, and a necklace like yours, Daphne. They are targets to now." I offered that to keep Daphne's worries to a minimum.

Hermione and I were not that close with any other Gryffindor, Ron, and Ginny can fuck off, the rest are acquaintances, nothing more. Winky brought their stuff into the room, she was a happy elf, instead of two, she had four to take care of, compared with Crouch Junior it is a major upgrade.

I checked my map to see where Dumbledore stashed Snape, nope, no Snape in the castle, we got rid of the creep. Hmm? Luna is out of the dorms? Wtf?

"Dobby? Miss Luna Lovegood is walking on the sixth floor in the west wing, can you get her here please?"

I turned to Daphne and softly said: "Luna was a prisoner in Malfoy Manor, we escaped together with Dobby's help, Dobby died for it. Luna was also with me in the Ministry in our fifth year. I will do everything to protect her."

Daphne nodded: "She has Mage sight and was a close friend, that is enough for me, Harry. She is as welcome here as my sister and Tracey."

Dobby popped Luna into the room, she was in a nightgown and barefoot. Daphne and Hermione rushed to Luna and hugged her to warm her up, I cast a warming spell on Luna… I could have hugged her too!

Nah, the spell helped, "Winky? Dobby? Can you collect all of Miss Luna's possessions and put them in a room here? She is staying with us from now on."

I turned to Luna and said: "We help our friends, Luna, and it is obvious the Ravenclaws are treating you badly. If you allow me, then I am putting you under House Potter protection. You have a permanent room in our quarters now."

Luna hugged me and whispered: 'Thank you, Harry, I very much want to be under House Potter protection."

Daphne shook her head: "What are those Ravenclaws thinking? What a waste is that to suppress a talent like hers."

Hermione commented: "Jealousy mostly, they bullied Luna for two years, and now they found out she is more talented than all of them put together, and they can't accept that. Luna, you are staying with us."

"Lucky girl," Joked Astoria, "You are adopted by the Boy Who Lived. There are dozens of girls that want to be in your place."

Tracey asked: "You too, Astoria? Are you a fangirl too? I remember you were planning to let Harry sign your books."

Astoria put her nose in the air and huffed: "There is no need for me to do that, as a sister-in-law he has to sign every book, twice. I have all the benefits and don't have to work for it."

"Well, I am going to bed, good night," I announced.

When I got between the sheets in my boxers, Hermione came in the room in her nightgown and climbed in bed: "Daphne bunked with Tracey, Astoria sleeps in my room, and Luna is in hers."

She snuggled in my arms and sighed: "We should have done this ages ago, don't we? Those bloody Weasleys and their potions. Do you think they will stop it?"

I answered: "Nope, as long as Dumbledore stands behind them, they will try everything to get my money. Especially Molly Prewitt, I bet she was a spoiled child, and living in poverty would have affected her a lot. So if Dumbledore shows her a way to get filthy rich, she will stop at nothing to get it."

Hermione chuckled: "She will love the requirements you demand to be able to receive your money. An oath to have nothing to do with your death, being free of any spell and potion influence, that will make it impossible to receive a knut from you."

My door opened, and Daphne crawled into my bed on my other side, she explained: "Tracey can't stay still in her sleep, she is a kicker, if I sleep in her bed then I wake up with bruises, if I can sleep at all."

I grinned: "I am feeling sorry for her future husband already."

Daphne snuggled closer, yawned, and said: "So you know, Potter, we are just sleeping here, you are not going to sample the goods."

I added: "Yet."