WINTER'S REFUGE

by Kattayl

Every author writes a Curry and Heyes prison story. This is mine.

84. Winter's Refuge Chapter 84

Winter's Refuge

Chapter Eighty-Four

JED 'KID' CURRY

I talked to Heyes as we walked to the governor's mansion. I wanted to make sure he agreed with me and didn't just say he did. He's entitled to his opinions. I have always respected his opinions and his comment about me learnin' to think actually made me feel good. Glad to have my partner back, but I don't want to put too much on him. I'm strong enough for both of us. I don't want him findin' sanctuary in his mind again. I thought he had durin' the MacManus trial. He told me he tried but couldn't get there so he closed his eyes. I had tried to block out the testimony myself after the first witness. But I watched the man and saw every word, every witness become a burden that Clay MacManus would carry for the rest of his life.

Governor Sanderson listened to our decision and then asked why. Heyes stumbled a few times, but his explanation was clear and precise. I'm proud of him. He's doin' so good. This whole assignment tested him, mentally and physically. On this job he accomplished everythin' he set out to do, even though I know he was scared.

Lom arrived while we were at the courthouse. Givin' him the outlaw leader look, Heyes walked right by him, upset that we weren't invited to his weddin'. But as far as I see it, we owe Lom our amnesty and this life that we are livin' because of it. If he didn't invite us, he had his reasons.

I held out my hand to him. "Hear you're a married man now, Lom."

He was lookin' at Heyes' back. "Yeah, sorry we didn't invite you. Circumstances were er such that we couldn't reach you. Susan is up with Chrissy. Shall we join them? I feel sorry for Joy with Michael and Martha as siblings. They're into everything."

I laughed but he was right. And so was Miss Tina. Those two are wild. They need the structure of school. "Heyes, come join us and see the baby."

He waved his hand at us and turned and smiled and hurried off. "The trial unnerved him. I think he needs to be alone for a while," I told Lom.

Our wives were sittin' close together, talkin' quietly. Miss Susan rocked Joy in her arms. For once, Michael and Martha were sittin' quietly in the big chair in the corner readin' to each other.

"Nice family, Kid." Lom gave me a friendly slap on the back, then apologized at my wince.

"Sorry, I forgot. You look so strong." I knew he had remembered the scars he had seen on my back.

"I AM strong."

ASJ*****ASJ

I'm content. Tonight, I am holdin' my beautiful wife, Chrissy, close in my arms. Our daughter, Joy Christina, is sleepin' peacefully in the fancy, lacy bassinet near the window in an embroidered fine linen nightgown that probably costs more than I earn in a week. I read Martha and Michael to sleep with a bedtime story and closed the door between our bedrooms. Heyes' room is across the hall. Aunt Diane Francis, relieved to be back from a visit with her son and his family, has a room on the first floor. All's right with the world - my family is together. Except we are not home on the ranch. Tomorrow mornin' we are finally goin' home. I hold Chrissy closer and kiss her hair. She cuddles closer to my chest and for the first time in weeks, I sleep deeply.

HEYES

There is so much activity this morning, I want to stay by myself in my room. But I'm not going to do that. The Kid has taken it upon himself to organize all of this. He told me I could relax until we leave. He's capable of doing it all alone…but I'm going to be right next to him, helping. I think he needs my help to heal from prison. He's buried it just like he's buried the memories of the day we lost our families. That's not good. He helps everyone else. I'm going to try and help him.

We saw Lom and Miss Susan off at the train this morning. Miss Porter…er…Mrs. Trevors looks more radiant than I have ever seen. And just as sweet and trusting…and smart as ever. Still insists on calling us Mr. Smith and Mr. Jones though.

Phoenix is going to be crowded but I remember Grandpa Curry saying, 'There's always room and a welcome in an Irish home.'

In addition to me and the Kid and Chrissy and their three kids, there's Auntie Diane Francis. Dr. Arden says Ken Josephs is well enough to travel and the Kid said he could heal at our ranch. I'm sad when I look at Ken. The beating he took protected the Kid. He says he was just doing his job. The doctor says he's never going to walk more than a few steps without a cane. The marshals gave him a pension because he was injured in the line of duty. He had bought the land next to the Kid's, but I don't think he's going to be able to be a rancher. But I do agree he'll heal at Phoenix. There's something about the place that feels safe and conducive to healing. That something is someone - the Kid. He takes care of everybody…but himself. I'm going to make sure that changes.

Colin had the papers drawn up all nice and legal and Mike has now officially adopted Little Johnny McWinters. Legally his name is now Michael Loveland Jr. They will ride with us the first day to Bridgeport. We're all going to spend the night at his house, except for Ken and Dr. Arden. They are going to stay at the hotel.

Miss Sophie and Clay MacManus left last night with their son, Phil. They're going to live with him. They have a lot of healing to do, too. They'll do it together.

Dr. Arden is coming with us for a few days to get Ken settled. He says this will give Mrs. Roberts time to feel safe in his house. He hired the best nurse away from the hospital to help him help Mrs. Roberts heal.

So, while the Kid was organizing the wagon and horses. I tried to figure out everything else, including the luggage, food, and blankets to make the wagon ride easier on the people.

"Heyes, you really get this all done by yourself?" the Kid asked with a smile.

"Thought you could use some help." I grinned at him.

"We've always made a good team."

At the end of the day, we were in Bridgeport. Auntie had insisted on driving the wagon with Chrissy, Joy, and the twins. The newly minted Michael Loveland Jr. soon became Mikey to all. When he tired of riding with his father, he rode in that wagon, too. The Kid rode Winter's Glory, Mike rode his Bear, and I rode Fall's Bell. Spring's Moirai and Fall's Whisper pulled Auntie's wagon. Dr. Arden had insisted on renting a horse and four-seat buggy to transport Ken, saying he needed it to return to Cheyenne.

Riding into Bridgeport, fear ran through me. Instinctively, I looked for the sheriff's office and when I recognized the name, I tried to catch the Kid's eyes so we could run. I moved Fall's Bell until she was almost touching the Kid's horse. He wasn't scared. He wasn't even looking at me as we navigated the main street towards the Loveland home.

"We know this sheriff," I told him in a panic.

"Ain't it great to ride into a town, recognize the sheriff's name and know we got amnesty? Ever think it would really happen, Heyes?"

"Know this sheriff?" I thought to myself. Glad I hadn't said it out loud; I remember we do know this sheriff. The Kid rode in a posse with him and caught the outlaws single-handed. And I heard he had ridden to Phoenix after we left to help. I need to get my thoughts organized. I need to talk to Dr. Arden.

As we neared the hotel, I told the Kid, "Going to see if I can help Dr. Arden get Ken settled. I'll be along after."

Stopping Winter's Glory, he caught my eyes. "You sure, Heyes? That would be a big help."

I nodded.

Then he stopped and hesitated before continuing. I know he was searching for the right words. "Can't think how to put this gently and don't want to sound like your pa, but I need you back before it starts to get dark. Ain't much moon out tonight and I know how the dark overwhelms you." It was an awkward conversation. And he was right. I don't know if I could ride even the three blocks in the dark of night. My mind hides in the dark and I can't move. Again, the Kid's taking care of me. But he said it would be a big help. I don't want him to worry; I'll be home before dark.

I reach over and touch his arm before I move Fall's Bells near Dr. Arden's buggy. I need to break the tension. "Yes, Pa, I'll be home before dark,' I said with a wink.

JED 'KID' CURRY

Heyes doesn't know what a help it is for him to go with Ken and Aiden. I didn't want to sound preachy, but I know what the dark does to him. And tonight will be very dark. I'm glad he understood.

Mike had plenty of room for us all. As is his usual, he announced he had no food in the house and proceeded to leave for the diner and bring back meals for us all. Martha has fallen in love with Little Johnny…no, not Johnny, it's Mikey now. She's a mother hen to the two-year-old while Mike is gettin' dinner…well, a mother hen with a streak of wild tomboy in her. I found her and Michael teachin' the toddler how to jump off the side of the porch without steps into the dirt. It just took a frown from me, and they stopped, trailin' dirt and dust into the house. Mikey looks a lot like my Michael. Chrissy knew he was related from the moment she saw him. I have no regrets about not raisin' him ourselves. Mike Loveland will give him a good life without the stigma of bein' raised by ex-convicts.

HEYES

"Dr. Aiden, can we talk?" I asked when Ken had fallen asleep. We were sitting around the small table in his hotel room they shared.

"Of course. I've been meaning to talk with you. What I heard you did out there shows remarkable growth. Although I did see some times when I worried you might retreat into your mind again. Would you like to talk over dinner at the restaurant downstairs?

"No, I promised the Kid I'd be home before dark." I felt like a child with that answer.

"Good for him. He's looking out for you."

"I didn't hide. I just can't find the way to get there anymore."

"That a positive sign of healing. Is that what you want to talk about?"

I realized this was going to be harder than I thought, asking about someone other than me. "Well...er…no." I couldn't get the words to continue off my tongue.

"Is it about Emery Walsh? I have confidence the boy is healing. You helped him do that."

My thoughts flew to Emery's smile as he was leaving with his pa. I agree; he'll be alright. "No. Er…it's about the Kid."

"Jed?"

"Yes. Is he broken?" I didn't know how else to put it.

Dr. Arden leaned back in his chair. "I hadn't thought about him healing except physically. Good observation." He was quiet and I didn't interrupt. After pouring two glasses of water from the pitcher housekeeping had brought, he looked at me. "Don't know why I didn't see it before. In prison, and probably when you were running trying for amnesty, both of you went into survival mode. Your way was to escape into your mind. I think Jed's was hope. He made a plan and worked hard. That hard work became his identity, his way to survive. He's still doing that. It makes sense it would take someone close to him to see it. He has exhibited low self-worth, little self-respect. He fought for the ability to think clearly in prison, to maintain his principles."

"So, he's still broken?"

"Yes, Heyes, he's broken, and not on a path to healing either. He's hiding it well with hard work and taking care of others. Probably two things his parents instilled in him."

"That's the way we were raised. The Kid's always been a sucker for the underdog…especially if it's a lady or child."

"I see it now. He's there for everyone but who's there to help him heal?"

"Chrissy?"

"Definitely. But she's recovering, too. Jed needs the security of her unconditional love and she needs his. But he is trying to protect everyone around him: her, you, his kids, Lom, Miss Diane Francis, the hostages, Ken, the Ortiz brothers, maybe even me. Even the people of Three Birds fall under his protection. Whether you know it or not, he watches out for all of you."

"How do I help him?"

"Well, bringing this to my attention is a start. I should have seen it earlier. But he seems so strong physically and mentally. I tried to help him with managing his anger. How could I miss that was just a symptom?"

"How do I help him?" I repeated.

Looking at me, I felt Dr. Arden was so lost in thought that he'd forgotten about me. "Help him? Yes, you are probably the only person that can really help him. He more than trusts you… He's trying to do everything himself. He acts self-assured, but it's an act. He had to fight for everything he's gained. …and he's terrified he's going to lose it all."

I thought before answering. "He fought for me when I couldn't fight for myself. He's strong, Doctor. It's only something in his eyes I see that warned me he's broken."

"His belief in himself as a second-class ex-convict not worthy of praise or respect runs deep, no matter what anyone else tells him. That's how he sees himself. You are probably the only one that can change that. Tell him about your respect for him that I see in you. Start by helping him. He tries to do everything for everybody himself. Start small. Do what you can. I wish I had my medical journals, but even without them I can figure out a plan of action for us."

JED 'KID' CURRY

It was hard to say good-bye to Mike and his son, but after extra hugs we were on our way. Auntie Diane Francis amused us all last night recallin' her adventure racin' the empty wagon around the ranch. Now she wants to be the one drivin' the wagon all the time. I couldn't rest until we were on our way. And I take the ride home to think about what waits for us at the ranch.

Chrissy said letters were already comin' in for the next breedin' season. Makin' the calendar and schedulin' and handlin' the correspondence will take a time, time that Chrissy doesn't have now with Joy. I need to help her.

It seems like an eternity since I've been home. I plan to stay there with my family. Which reminds me, Miss Tina had the right idea. The twins need to go to school. I don't know my own babies' birthday, but they must be near six. What kind of a pa doesn't know their children's date of birth? Martha is sittin' in the wagon's driver's seat with Auntie. I can hear her beggin' to hold the reins. She wants to try everything. It's goin' to take vigilance to watch over her.

HEYES

Watching the Kid lead us home, I know what Dr. Arden said was right. He seems strong and assured but now I see that he's broken and overwhelmed. I'm trying to help where I can. I got up early and went to the livery where our horses and wagon were. I helped groom the horses and cleaned the wagon. I even inspected the wheels to make sure everything was sturdy. The Kid found me there starting to saddle Winter's Glory and Fall's Bells.

"Heyes, you're up early."

"Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd get things ready."

It's good to see the Kid smile and say, "Thanks. I appreciate the help."

"You should ask when you need help, partner."

"I don't NEED help; I can do it myself but it's sure good to be workin' together again. You ever think we'd have horses as magnificent as these two?" He was smiling but now I hear something else behind his words. He, and maybe we, are not good enough to own these wonderful animals.

I was mindful of my answer. "You two are a good match."

His small smile and shake of the head confirmed what I thought. He sees himself not even worthy of Winter's Glory.

ASJ*****ASJ

When we arrived home, it was chaos. The table outside the blacksmith shop is full of work waiting for the Kid. And I know that there was probably even more waiting for him inside. I'm not a blacksmith, but I can help him get all of that logged in and organized.

Everyone is talking and moving and greeting and unpacking. Rudy and Juan met us at the front steps, both talking so fast to the Kid that I can't follow. But it seems like things are alright. Michael and Martha have jumped out of the wagon and are running in different directions. The Kid was pulled to help both Chrissy with Joy and Dr. Arden with Ken. I found my place to help.

"Chrissy, hand me Joy and I'll help you out of the wagon," I said before the Kid reached her.

When he looked at me, he winked, and headed to lift Ken out of the wagon and carry him in the house.

I was surprised that Miss Hortense was in the kitchen. Everyone was talking so loud with cross conversations I want to be by myself. But I'm not going to. The Kid needs me to be strong without him. I'm resolved to help him. Cuddling Joy tightly in one arm, I use the other to steer Chrissy to the stairs and help her upstairs.

"Slowly, Heyes. Back hurts," she told me leaning heavily on me and the railing.

I slowed down. "I can put some salve on it for you when we get upstairs," I offered.

She froze. I know that means she's going inside her mind. I don't want her to stay there and I'm sad that she still feels the need to hide. Finally, she grabbed my arm and the railing again.

"No, Jed do. See doctor tomorrow."

I didn't answer, just helped her climb while hugging Joy tight in my other arm. She seems as anxious as me to get to the sanctuary of her room. Dr. Arden's words made me remember. Chrissy's recovering from an abusive stay in prison…and it was me and the Kid's fault she was there. Even though I wasn't in my mind, I've been oblivious to what was happening to those I care about. I was trying so hard to heal, I forgot they were too. That won't happen again.

When we got to Chrissy and the Kid's bedroom, she took Joy.

"Thanks, Heyes. Good, you help me. I rest now." She gave me a quick kiss on my cheek.

I went down slowly. I can't stand the noise, the confusion, all the people. I look down the hall to my bedroom. It would be quiet in there. When the Kid caught my eye, he nodded his head that way, with a smile. He's protecting me, again, and I'm thankful for it.

But I need to be involved, not hide. I don't see the twins. I'll see what they are up to…often it is mischief. In the stable, Martha is in the stall with a new foal. She's standing away from the mare…but not out of danger.

"Martha. Keep your back to the wall and come out of there."

"Uncle Heyes, look, another baby. He wobbles when he walks."

"Martha. Do as I say. Now!" I kept my voice calm. She should have known better after what happened to her brother.

She looked at me before moving. Then looked as the mare she thought she knew moved between her and the foal. And she did as I asked. When she was safe, I felt like both hugging her and scolding her, so I did both. I didn't mean to make her cry, but maybe it will make her remember what not to do when no one is around.

I used my bandana to wipe her tears. "Where's your brother?"

She looked around surprised he wasn't nearby. "Oh, he was chasing Joe and NotJoe. They ran that way." She pointed toward the house under construction for Auntie.

Walking towards it, we heard a crack, a 'Help', and a yelp. We broke into a run, no one else was close enough to hear.

"Michael!" Martha yelled, seeing half of her twin and the head of NotJoe poking out of a hole in the new porch.

"I'm okay, I think. Stuck. NotJoe's stuck in here, too," Michael answered. I could see blood on his check and arm.

I wanted to laugh. He looked so forlorn, but I stood on the ground next to the porch, crossed my arms, and gave him my outlaw stare. It worked. He knew he did something wrong.

"You going to run into a building under construction without making sure it's secure again?"

"No, Uncle Heyes." He solemnly shook his head.

"Then take my hand and let's get you out of there."

"NotJoe first?"

"Okay, can you pick him up?"

He tried but admitted defeat. "No… He can't stay here. It's my fault. He followed me."

I walked the length of the porch and smiled when I found what I was looking for, an opening leading under the porch.

"Martha, call the dog down here."

"NotJoe, come here, boy."

And the dog obeyed and crawled on its belly to Martha and out from under the porch. And, to my surprise, a dirty, muddy Michael crawled out right after him.

Martha laughed but the experience scared the boy. I could tell by his eyes, so like the Kid's. When he stood up, I got another strong hug. "Thank you, Uncle Heyes. I was so afraid I'd never get out of there." He was so sincere I didn't have the heart to scold him.

"Enough adventures for you two. Let's get you to the house and see how you can be of help to Auntie."

Feeling good that I had helped, I followed them back home.

JED 'KID' CURRY

Rudy and Juan both were talkin' to me, excited to give me updates on the ranch. Everything had gone well after Heyes had gotten everyone out of Solteria. The surprise came when I saw Miss Hortencia standin' in Auntie's kitchen makin' pies for dinner. Seems Juan and the young lady are getting' married in three months. I think Juan said his parents were comin' to the weddin' and Rudy was talkin' about the horses and school. There's so much goin' on and so much I need to do. Heyes takin' care of Chrissy was a big help. I'll remember to tell him how much I appreciate it.

Right now, Auntie has her hands on her hips and is starin' at Miss Hortencia Birde cookin', wearin' her favorite apron. I need to do something to break the tension. Before I could think of what to do, the kitchen door banged open and two guilty-lookin', and in Michael's case filthy dirty, kids came in followed by Heyes. Auntie jumped into action.

"Both of you, out of my kitchen, now. Come, I'll clean you up some by the outside pump."

"But Auntie, that water's cold," complained Michael.

"Very cold," added Martha.

"You should have thought of that before you got dirty." She marched them back out the door. Everyone laughed…everyone, but me. They'd gotten into mischief and Michael was bleedin'. I hadn't been watchin' them. They could have been hurt real bad and it would have been my fault. But Heyes had been there watchin' them. He'd had my back.

"Heyes, thanks…" I started, but he gave me a sideways grin and waved me off.

"Need to get to my room." He tapped me on the shoulder and disappeared down the hallway.

ASJ*****ASJ

I was glad for the quieter chatter at the dinner table. Auntie and Miss Hortencia worked together, and we had a feast. The topic at the table was Juan and Miss Hortencia's upcomin' marriage.

Jose and Marina Ortiz are travelin' here for the weddin'. Since Aiden and Ken and the twins are at the table, it wasn't discussed, but this will be the first time Jose has traveled on a train as a free man in over twenty-five years. Their oldest son, Paul, has taken on a lot of the responsibility for Winter's Refuge now that his parents are gettin' older. I need to quietly remind Juan to make sure his pa brings his amnesty papers with him. Not that there's much of a chance that anyone would recognize a member of the Devil's Hole Triumvirate after more than twenty years, but me and Heyes know stranger things have happened. It's always good to be prepared.

The Birdes are givin' them a little white house in Three Birds and Juan a position managin' the livery. Miss Hortencia had gushed over their generosity, but Juan looked uncomfortable. He was polite enough, but he whispered later to me that he'd rather stay workin' at the ranch. I just smiled and laughed, but now I'm thinkin' he might have been serious. I'm goin' to talk to Heyes and Chrissy about makin' him foreman and buildin' a place for them next to Auntie. Three Birds might just have too many nice but nosey Birde relatives for him.

Auntie's house was almost complete, except for the porch and a coat of paint. But Michael told everyone at the table what happened to him and the dog on the porch. I scowled at him, and he looked at his plate.

After dinner, Auntie found me. "I would like a yellow house, please, if that's available," she said. "My own piece of sunshine. It's wonderful. Thank you."

She surprised me with a hug as she stood on her toes to give me a peck on the cheek. "You are such a good man, Jed, for allowing me to be a part of this family. My visit with my son was cordial, but polite and distant." She laughed sadly. "A place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there…even if they had asked."

I'm not good at showin' my emotions but I want to here. She sees me for a much better man than I am. She sees the man I'd like to be. Once I start talkin', it was easy to say what I felt cause it's the truth.

"Auntie, whether you live here or there, you are an important part of this family. We may not always be polite, but we all love you and can't imagine you livin' anywhere but with us."

Pullin' out her handkerchief, she wiped away tears as her gaze fixed on Hortencia. "Young lady, be careful with those dishes!"

That night, in the dark of our bedroom, Chrissy and I cuddled. I was surprised when she slipped off her nightgown and wanted to do more.

"I don't want to hurt you so soon after the baby."

I felt her freeze. It's dark but I know her eyes are fixed on nothin', rememberin' another time in a more violent place after havin' the twins. Finally, a small cry escaped her, and I could feel her tears as she buried her face in my bare chest. I didn't know what else to do except hold her closer. I wanted to kill them all, but I'd promised her to let it go…so I try to do that. She found my face in the darkness. "It's good now. No hurt Chrissy darlin'. Not like then."

And we made love slowly, carefully. Whatever she said, I was still afraid of hurtin' her. We fell asleep, naked holdin' each other close. These nights comfort my soul. I've tried to tell her how much I love her. How much I need her. I hope she understands I am nothin' without her.