24 March 1992
Professor Sprout found herself in an odd dilemma. The group had been running for months now, with great success. The students were getting on really well – to such an extent that they were helping each other out when they had crises – and she knew that even though they might not be ready to admit it, they were friends now. She could rely on them actually wanting to hang out with each other unprompted and no longer worried that they were spending too much time alone. They were all flourishing in their classes. Apparently even the few hours that they had arranged as a group had increased their grades significantly. Herein lay the problem.
She had organised the group with different subjects each week to make conversation easier, as she of course knew that they were all strangers to frequent socialisation. It had been a useful tool for making sure they got to know each other, as well as directing conversation in moments of confusion or anxiety. Yes, it had been a grand success. However, she had only designed meeting subjects for this term. After the summer holidays, there was nothing in writing. She had two options ahead of her: make a new plan with different subjects (she had no idea what else there was to talk about) or to let them begin leading the conversation. They were friends now; they could probably do it. Professor Sprout had a lot to think about.
This week, however, was one of the weeks that she had made a plan for. The group filed in, laughing about something that had clearly happened in the week that she had no idea about (she would swear to Professor Dumbledore if the need arose) and sat down.
The group had clearly realised how her system worked.
"What will I be speaking about this week, Professor?" Cho asked.
She was of course right, so Professor Sprout responded with the subject, "Friends."
She had been aware of the fact that it was a difficult subject when she had written the plan. It had been especially difficult to decide as to whether it was a subject that should be included as the entire group, at that point, had been friendless.
Cho clearly found the idea of talking about this subject fairly daunting. "Can I have a moment to think about it?" she asked.
"Of course, Cho," Professor Sprout responded, "and if in the meantime you get hungry, you are all free to start eating."
Cho sat for ten minutes, clearly thinking over what she had to say. Professor Sprout was aware of the fact that friendship is different to different people, so she completely understood. She never had been one to push either. At the end of this consideration, Cho began to speak.
"Well, friendship has always been a difficult idea for me," she started by admitting. "When I was a small child I went to muggle nursery, and I had friends. I remember having them. At one point I was even invited to two birthday parties on the same day. Then I went on to muggle primary school and I had no friends. No friends at all. I was weird, I had unusual interests and my accidental magic was out of control. I did have friends out of school though. Well one friend really. Marietta Edgecombe. Our mums worked together, and we were very much pushed together out of convenience. For years and years I was fine with having just one friend. When I started Hogwarts, I continued to only have one friend. I really thought that Marietta and I got on well. I thought that we were friends. For most of first year, I hung out with her all the time." Cho stopped for a moment to catch her breath. "Then, at the end of last year, I heard her laughing at me with another girl from our dorm. A girl who I had thought of as being perfectly nice, just not really my friend, more of an acquaintance. The girl from my dorm referred to me by a nickname that I got last year as I struggled to speak in class, she called me Choke Chang and Marietta just laughed along with her.
The girl from my dorm then said, 'Wait, why are you laughing? I thought that the two of you were friends?'
And then Marietta responded, 'Oh no. She just thinks we are friends. I've been trying to get rid of her since the first week of first year, but she just won't get the hint.'
Since then, I have barely talked to her. My mum always asks me how she is doing. I try to say something vague, but it's never enough. I want to say that I don't want to talk to her again, but I really do. After I confronted her about it, I wanted her to say that she had been wrong, and that she really did want to be my friend. I didn't want anything to change, but she confirmed what she had said. She had been serious. Since then, I have mostly been alone."
The room sat in silence. None of them except Professor Sprout (who had sworn confidentiality) knew Marietta Edgecombe or the other Ravenclaw girls. But they did know Cho, and they knew that this had had a significant effect on her.
Eventually, Addie broke the silence by sipping her tea aggressively before saying, "I really don't understand people. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend."
"I completely agree, Adelaide," Adrian said firmly. "Some people don't understand how lucky they are."
"I doubt she would feel bad of her own accord as she sounds like a terrible person, so I hope she ate a bad prawn soon after and felt bad for a while," Neville said. Professor Sprout wasn't really used to him being so obvious about his vengeance, but she supposed that it wasn't healthy to keep it in.
"Oh, Marietta's a very nice person really. She was too nice to say that she didn't like me to my face, so she tried to spare me," Cho said earnestly.
"You don't have to defend her, Cho," Adrian said indignantly. "Sometimes it is kinder to say it to someone's face instead of talking behind their back. Take it from me. Slytherin is the house of covert bullying. I was in with a bad group in my first year and I'm glad to be rid of them."
"I don't think that would have felt any better…" Cho said doubtingly. "It still would have hurt."
"But it might have been over sooner," Neville said comfortingly.
"I don't know…"
"Well at least you know now," Addie reasoned, "and you have been able to make other friends."
"I have?" Cho said uncertainly.
"Yes of course," Addie continued. "Us. I like to think that we are all friends now."
Professor Sprout smiled around at them.
Cho left lunch club with more doubts than she usually did. Usually she left feeling like she had accomplished her socialisation for the week. This week, however, she left feeling like she had things to think about. Would it have been better if she had known sooner that her entire dorm hated her?
She climbed the stairs to her dormitory and took a moment to spread her day blanket on her bed before sitting on it. When she had first started at Hogwarts, the entire dorm had held midnight feasts like in an Enid Blyton book and she had been invited to look at the magazines that belonged to the other girls in her dorm. She had felt like she was welcomed and that she had friends who would be with her throughout her time at school. She would be prepared for almost anything as long as she had friends in her corner. This had not lasted long, and she had eventually become a hanger on with a group who did not want her around. She tried to remember how she had felt towards the other girls in her dorm including Marietta. She had not wanted them to hate her. She had tried incredibly hard to manage it, and she had been shunned regardless.
Marlena walked in and spent 5 minutes standing at the end of her own bed, where Cho knew she had a study planner affixed, as did most people in Ravenclaw. Being prepared to do some studying during any spare moment was an ideal trait for a Ravenclaw. After shuffling a few things around she walked towards the door, and Cho thought that she might be able to get through this interaction without having to deal with being criticised for existing.
"I like your shoes," Marlena said mockingly.
And there it was. Marlena was never one to let Cho just go about her day.
"Thanks," Cho said, hoping that her voice was steady. Her mum always told her that bullies were hurt people and took that pain out on others in order to get a response. If they didn't get a response, they would stop.
"You're weird and nobody likes you," Marlena continued.
"I know," Cho said airily. "I received that message loud and clear ages ago. At this point, saying that is redundant."
For a second, she thought she had got away with it. She had managed to get through it without crying. She had failed on the not being insulted part, but she was surely capable of succeeding on the not crying front.
Marlena strode over to where Cho was sitting, and then leant down to her level. "You know that we tried to get you out of the dorm, don't you?" she hissed. "We even told Professor Flitwick that we would be alright with moving dorms as long as it would get us away from you. We have to deal with you all day in class, and then we don't even have a moment away from you. Every day I see you is a day wasted."
Cho swallowed. She was not going to cry. She was not going to cry.
"Marlena!" came a voice from the door. It was Shauna who had clearly been waiting for Marlena at the bottom of the stairs. "Leave Chang alone and let's get going. I know that you want to get some Quidditch practice in before the substitute try-outs."
Marlena glared at Cho before storming out of the room. Shauna closed the door behind them, but not before giving Cho a look that she hadn't seen before.
Their treatment of her was unkind, and cut her to the core. It was because of them, that she dreaded going to her dormitory for the night. Physical safety was one thing, but she felt as though they were the types of people who did not care whether or not she lived or died. However, not for the first time, she felt pleased that she had realised what was going on. In those early days, when she had been wanted, but then had gradually lost her social currency within the group, she had been unaware of how they felt towards her. Every barb, every slight had cut deep as she had thought of them as coming from people who were her friends, who respected her. Now, however, she knew that they hated her, and they weren't underhanded about it. The attacks on her character meant less coming from them now. They were still her tormentors, but they made her feel less like there was anything wrong with her, and for that she felt grateful.
That was not to say that their words did not hurt her. Marlena's words had been deeply hurtful and especially cruel as Cho hadn't actually known that they had all tried so hard to get rid of her. The work that she had done in being as unassuming as possible, in keeping out of their way so as to not inconvenience them had been for nothing. They had not been saying things to her, but they had still been saying things about her. Bizarrely, although Cho felt hurt by these words, she also felt glad that she had not heard them at the time. There had been a time at which she would have done anything in order to convince her mum into letting her go home. She had wanted nothing more, but if she had, she wouldn't have found herself in her present situation, with friends that she actually liked. Friends that she was honestly able to say that she thought liked her as well.
I hope you all enjoyed this one. Writing is still going well and I am endeavoring to keep a balance between it and university. We shall see how that goes. I just hit 50,000 with the second book and it is getting longer by the minute. To think that I thought that it would be a similar length as this one! You might know that there's a problem going on with statistics on this site, so I have no idea of how many of you are reading this anymore. If you are feeling like it, say hi in the comments! Have a great week everyone.