Hagrid was in the middle of carving pumpkins and concocting his autumnal stew for the big lady of his Dreams (Olympe Maxime). Her beauty so entranced him, her spangly tussles and timely bohemian garb combined with her particularly masculine bob, it was everything a man could desire. This particular pumpkin was quite aromatic, appetizing, and amorous. The rotten hole in the backside of the pumpkin just needed to be filled, the mealworms were pouring out calling the big man and yet Hagrid was too busy carving, craving, and crying for his loves adoration. Despite this cock-caller's rot, Hagrid was hungry from the aroma arising from the Cucurbita pepo. He stepped off the kitchen in his hutt, but tripped and fell on a sludge formed by pumpkin gizzard and drool. He was in so much pain. Aughhhh g..Hagrid felt burdened by the age of fifty men as his back formed to the crease of the pebbles he had molded into this rickety floor. But on the little black stone of his front door, he saw a tiny black ant and it just so happened, big hungry hagrid was craving meat tonight.A Big Boys gotta Éat.
With his huge sausage fingers he picked up the singular ant and threw it down his maw. Almost like a seizure; almost like a failed Phenolphthalein in titration, almost like a baby after having the muck of birth wiped from their glands; hagrid's already rosy cheeks turned #DA1884 , contrasting with his dark beard. He was overcome with heat and with what Hermione would call… the tingles ! As he laid on the floor, he convulsed; from his head to his toes, he quaked uncontrolled. He attempted to crawl towards his sink in hopes that water would sober him of this mysterious evil minuscule meat he had ravaged in his desperation.
Hagrid wondered what had hapepned as he struggled to keep his temptation at bay. After a long while, he made it to the sink, which in all honesty was only two metres away from his pumpkin space. After turning the faucet and gulping down liquid like that one meme where its like big business has the big pipe yeah imagine that. As the cool water trinkled down his tiny throat, hagrid realized something, or didnt want to relize something. Water was worsening his condition. Perhaps it was a chemical reaction from the ants pheromones, or perhaps it was just what Hagrid truly desired deep down in that warm kind heart of his.
He couldnt take it anymore. He had to get fresh air, maybe that would revert him back to the man he was once. He stumbled out the backdoor and ran into the dark of the woods. Under the full moons guidance hagrid found himself darting through the, the, the natural paths of the forest. "Halt who goes there" a booming voice bellowed from beyond. Hagrid stopped in his tracks, his ears perked up and he sniffed the air. Equidae. Hagrid couldnt understand this creature, or could he relate to its nympholepsy? The clopping appeared to be growing closer with every passing second. Hagrid looks down to see a puny centaur 'who mit u be" he snorted. THe creatrur scoffed "You may address me as Sir Gedian the Gall, in lamest terms, the Burberry Hero. Who are you-,you foul smelling-manbeast? You reek of barbary (offbrand cologne), pumpkin snot, dragon snot, and snotty children." Hagrid didnt realize he was being insulted, rather he was immediately roused by the confidence in which the small stallion spoke his words of suspect.
The Burberry Hero sensed his change in demenor and toted his small cloppers closer in curiosity. "What could an oaf like you be doing in my woods on a full moons night?" Hagrid sneered, "mister Burbberry, I eloquently speak to you, ur rump shall be ravaged, it is mine" Hagrid brutishly reached out to the centaur, poking and patting at it like the giant he was. This was no horse, a mere pony. Hagrid had been meaning to take Mrs. Maxime on a beautiful beachside horse ride, this would be the perfect practice
The centaur could feel the effects of the Francophone ant from hagrid's disgusting, heavy, musky, dirty, breath. Hagrid boomed "ive always wanted to ride a horse, dear mommy alway said I was too heavy to ride a pony, my favorite song by Ginuwine" *Pony begins to play* Similar to Mac from Magic Mike XXL, the centaur was reluctant to carry the weight of the world on his sculpted back, but for Haggies, he would do anything. Anything.
Hagrid began to remove his cadillac ranch-esque jewel-embedded crusty belt. But there was so much iron in that belt that the storm that was rolling in, the storm began to cackle, the beautiful moon was soon clothed by a humongous cumulonimbus. Geldian let out a yelp; as a young ponie, his mommy mare presented him with Wes Anderson's classic film, Moonrise Kingdom , he was since haunted by the scenewhere the main character gets shot and killed by lightning. The centaur backed off in fear, knowing the iron in horse hooves, as he was domesticated by black beauty, was sure enough tobring a lighting strike which is whyhe lives in the woods as there was not enough iron to call in lighting to strike him, however tonight there would be no escape. Hagrid out a charged warriors cry as 1600 bolts of lightning struck his core, the frequency was enough to kill any man, however Hagrid was no man, for he was now a woman. By dionsisysis wreath, Hagrid yelped "I have developed a glorious gaping hole!?". The centaur was taken aback, for he had not thunk he would be with a woman on this cold windy halloween night, he was wrong. * "I am so so so turned on by your equine features god has blessed me with the embrace of more genitls" Hagrid still felt aligned with his masculinity, however, he does acknowledge both his genitalia and loves women. Intersex internally before he even knew it. Hagrid was delighted, he was simultaneously hard and loose, hot and cold, dry and wet. Ice and fire. hot and cold by katy perry lyrics.
"Are ye redy 2 rumble!?" hagrid inquired, the centaur bowed his head majestically and hooves submissively, which stretched beneath him. Hagrid popped onto the closest, boggiest, timber-fallen log he could find, the only one fitting of his massive size. The log creaked and a large blunt splinter appeared beneath his bum, he groaned in pleasure. The wind apparently cared not for his decency, as he found his loincloth taken by nature's breathe. A great big groan followed as hagrid felt the fresh sensations of wind hitting two precious places for the first time. The removal of the cloth allowed his massive man-cock to create a thud against the log. This unveiling obviously also included his new hagrussy™, which sat delicately with feminine-grace upon the oak. With his cock and rodent-vag hanging, it was only natural for his dual odors to rise. Hagrid picked up the centaur like it was a prototype of the Trojan horse that the elusive etruscans themselves had constructed. Like a puzzle piece hargid managed to place the horse's anus upon his bulging chode, at the same time penetrating his new hole with geldian's girth. With a combination of spectaculr pops, hagrid managed to find hismelf both satisfied and stuffed.
Because it was a dark and stormy night, the humid vapid air allowed for lubricating sweat to exchange from both parties. The bog-like setting within both holes allowed for this daring expedition. Who would conquer who? The answer became clear with Hagrids first thrust. The horse body of this man had not been prepared ever for anything near this circumcise. Hagrid thunk to himself as he penmtrated, he never got the name form this young pony, only a meaningless title that he was far too consumed to even comprehend. "What be ye true name, for I must proclaim my love". - THe creature beneath him groaned and croaked a single word "Adam". Little did Hagrid know, this was no regular pony, this was Adam Driver . Yes he did not show that man in the basement if he was circumcised or not in the classic cinematic creation : Black KKLansmann *time pass*. After mere moments of mounting this mare, Hagrid could no hold his cream, but neither could Adam. *more detail of cumming*
Hagrid managed to mutter, "my love, on three.. Prepare ye. pussy." Adam returned "creampy". Like the eighth wonder of the world, the cumpolosion was indescirbale, blinding onlooking frogs. There were a few seconds of seedy air time before it fell and rippled the marsh and its surrounding ecosystems. Several news reporters would call this event, the massacre of the bog, a terrible PR disaster for Hogwarts and all wizarding educztion institutions.
But alas the two were alone in the end, with only their love, and the *very verbose moon description* would be their only witness. (besides the blinded creatures). The two mates were completely out of breath, the mare could take no more, but Hagrid had the willpower and the french ant stimulant demanding him to ravage more for the night. *describe how adam must leave but thanks hagrid and tells him to find his true love*
Hagrid went on his merry way, running on all fours, cock dripping and dragging across the dirt floor, on the hunt for his true mate. He continued not long , however eventually hagrid was slowed by an invisible force, but nay, it was not invisible, it was simply silky. Hagrid was caught in what many onlookers would consider a terribly uncouth position, his arms above his head, armpits exposed, legs spread, feet visible. The wrinkles of his aged soles each individually held their own colony of bacteria and fungi, it was actually quite interesting and several cottagecore students had asked to inspect this curiosity; some even claimed it as the ninth! Wonder of the world.
The web stretched both him and his phermones for the world to observe and olfacticate. However, there were no witness ses, no mystical creatures for they all were aslseedp, waiting on black friday. (we wrote this six months ago sorry!) hibernating., Hagrid in his lustful state had no idea how long he would be ensared in this arachnese trap. Hagrid said.. "If the spider wbe is here, its creator should be nearby… At this hour, it must be famished." The french ant was able to destroy Hagrid, a man who was renown for drinking barrels of ale at a time, oui'd was no threat to his sobriety, but that ant… that one measly miserable piece of meatt had managed to ruin him. It was like the ants entire bloodline had bitten his ankle at once. !
If Hagrid looked into the distance, he could almost see the ancient aztec god Huixtocihuatl in the woods. Hagrid was getting frustrated he couldn't settle the fire brewing within him. Hagrid sighed, he only had the power to attempt to reach his big wand, If only he had brought his wizarding utensils, a simple tug and pull and this would all be solved. He continued to stretch towards his wee-wee, but little did he know he was calling the spider by spreading his pits, his pheromone enveloped the battlefield. The spider crawled down from the pine tree canopy, its spindly legs gracefully plucking through its own threads. Hagrid's mouth was suddenly shut by a glob of web similar to peter parker. The spider spoke as Hagrid looked on in fear.
"I've waited thirty cold winters for this night Rubeus, it's time you confront the truth of your actions. It's time you meet your children."