Hello :P It is Wednesday so I am back with a new chapter. I've been feeling some deep feelings and angst lately so went through my folder of chapters and found this one I wrote at the beginning of March. I hope you enjoy this further insight into Ash and James' relationship :3 I should mention that this chapter is set after Misty's phantom pregnancy and Ash is suffering some form of post traumatic feelings and darkness after watching his wife go through that and fearing he may lose her. His feelings cause him to be quite hostile and angry but other days more drained and tearful. Just thought I'd add that :P

Ages:

Ash: 27

James: 34

Disclaimer: I own only the story :3

I buried my head further into my best friend's chest, his comforting and familiar scent filling my nostrils as I got as close to him as possible. He let out a quiet sigh but his fingers moved to my fur and began massaging my back gently. I opened my eyes and peeped at him and saw that his eyes were shut. My eyes filled with slight tears of emotion and this was before he even said anything to me.

"What am I going to do, buddy…?" he mumbled and kept his eyes shut, his voice cracking slightly. "I just don't know who I am anymore."

I had a million things I wanted to say but I couldn't decide on just one so instead went back to nuzzling into his chest. I badly wanted to say that I knew who he was and that what was happening right now wouldn't last forever. I wanted to tell him that I thought he was the best person ever and that I always would be there. I wanted to inform him that he was the most important person in my life and I would always love him. But I didn't. He already knew all that and I knew I wouldn't be able to get any of those sentences out without breaking into tears myself. I rest my head on his slowly beating chest and hoped that my warmth informed him of all that.

Before either of us could say anything else, the door to Ash's training room carefully opened and a lavender haired male made his way inside. I turned around to give him a smile but Ash didn't react, except for his chest moving up and down in a slightly deeper motion.

James ran a hand through his hair before biting on his bottom lip, coming over to Ash and sliding down the wall next to him. He didn't say anything but he just looked at the younger male, his green orbs laced with concern.

Ash just sighed quietly and opened his own eyes. His chocolate orbs that were usually so warm and full of innocence and wonder had slowly changed into those that were pained and full of darkness and confusion.

James swallowed, reaching out to fist bump Ash's shoulder. He cleared his throat and spoke in a deep and thoughtful tone.

"I thought you were joining us for the garden party? I mean it's pretty cold out there but the weather's nice…" he trailed off when he saw Ash had switched off, deciding to change the subject. "It's strange without you out there and terrorizing everyone and eating all the food."

James smirked slightly and poked Ash's shoulder again, trying to get some response from the younger male. He managed a wan smile but his eyes were just as dark as ever. The lavender haired male just sighed quietly and I gave him a secret look, begging him not to give up.

We all stayed in silence for a few moments, Ash on the planet he seemed to always be on these days and James and I swallowing the worry that was growing in our throats. After a while, Ash slowly came back to earth and he turned to look at James, his brow furrowed.

"Tell me the truth, James." He began, his brow furrowing more but his eyes changing to wide and sad. "Am I wearing Misty down? Does she still want to be with me? Have her feelings towards me changed? I wouldn't blame her."

Neither of us were quite expecting this. James sighed, looking away and biting his lip slightly.

Ash mistook this for bad news and I could feel his heart rate increase drastically and knew his mouth was growing dry but he still waited for James to speak.

The green orbed male shook his head before turning to Ash, sighing quietly once again.

"You always wear Misty down; you're a pain in the ass." James told the younger male seriously but his eyes were glinting in a joking manner. After he got that light-hearted insult out of his system, he continued. "Misty knows that you're battling personal stuff right now and she's still in love with you. She always will be. When you're that in love, feelings don't just go away because things are difficult. And Misty is deeply in love with you, Ash."

My best friend wasn't expecting these kind words from James and for the first time in a little bit, he smiled for real. Sadly, this didn't last long and the joy turned to sudden pain and he shut his eyes, his breath hitching in his throat.

"I am so sorry to everyone who knows me right now. I don't even know who I am and what I've become. I don't even know what's wrong with me and why I've been like this. I just know I've been disastrous and I am so sorry."

I nuzzled further into Ash's chest as he choked back his tears and James sighed sadly, shutting his eyes. The older male reflected for a few moments and ran a hand through his hair before opening his eyes. He turned to look at Ash.

"Ash, you're a person and you're going through some stuff and that's okay. I mean, yeah, some of the stuff has been unacceptable but you soon wised up and came to your senses and apologised."

My best friend sighed out shakily with guilt, his fingers tangling in my neck fur.

"Yeah, only because I've had Misty or someone else to call me out."

James just shrugged and continued, shuffling slightly closer to Ash.

"Oh well, it doesn't matter if you need a helping hand. And I think it's pointless trying to pin point what you're going through to just one reason when it could be many. Looking back isn't going to help but looking forward is and that's what will help you move on."

For once, Ash just stayed quiet and listened to the older male. I sat up taller on Ash's lap and gave him a smile to make sure he really was listening to him. James was saying all the things I wanted to express earlier but couldn't.

"If I'm honest, I'm surprised you haven't experienced anything like this sooner."

Upon hearing this, Ash looked slightly perplexed and tilted his head on one side.

"What do you mean by that?"

James smiled slightly and I could tell that he was glad to finally be having a normal conversation with his best friend's husband after things had been so rocky and unpredictable lately. He played with his hair before clarifying.

"You're always telling Misty she's been through a lot and discuss other people's trials but you've never sat and realised how much you've been through. I mean, all those adventures on your journeys when you were little and your complicated relationship with your father and the things you've been through with Misty and all the hardships and the struggles."

Ash's eyes filled with slight tears at the memories but ignored them, continuing to listen to James.

"I really wouldn't be surprised if this isn't just everything you've been through in life finally hitting you and your brain and heart feels out of place. And believe me, that is more normal than you think."

The raven haired male glanced to me with his brow furrowed and his eyes lighting up with enlightenment. He nodded slowly before a small smile graced he lips and he turned back to James.

"I really like your insight on my struggles, James." He admitted before rubbing his neck, showing off his sheepish smile that he also hadn't done in quite a while. "I just thought I was going through an early midlife crisis or somethin'."

Upon hearing this, James laughed and reached out to pat Ash's shoulder, leaning back to rest his head amusedly on the wall behind them.

"Well I like your insight too."

All three of us snickered together before there was a silence between us. It wasn't that of awkwardness but rather a wonderful feeling of relaxation in the room that Ash was in. After a few moments, it was my best friend who spoke again.

"How did you get so wise? I mean no offence I wouldn't guess that you would be."

James narrowed his eyes playfully at the younger male and wrinkled his nose.

"Are you hinting I made dumb decisions when I was younger?" he pretended to look hurt but ended up smirking and agreeing when Ash and I nodded. "You have to understand that wisdom comes from mistakes, pain, suffering and life in general. And I believe that you could become pretty wise after you defeat what you're going through now."

Ash didn't quite know how to take this compliment so he just smiled, leaning back against the wall and moving the attention onto someone he loved dearly.

"Yeah, I agree with what you're saying. Misty has grown to be very wise, especially after her phantom pregnancy. I think if she wanted to, she could really help other people who suffered or are suffering with the same thing."

James smiled proudly himself and nodded, his hair making a slight noise as it rubbed against the wall behind him.

"Yeah, she did amazing and made everyone proud but especially us." He mused before trailing off and noticing Ash had gone quiet once again. We both feared that he had shut himself from the world again but this time, his expression was different.

"You might think my insight is crazy but sometimes I think I'm getting all his pain and anger and pushing Misty away because I was so afraid of losing her. Maybe subconsciously I'm doing it to spare myself the pain but in reality making things horrible for everyone."

Ash turned to look at us both and expected us to blow off his thoughts but my mouth hung open. I couldn't believe that depth came out of the person I knew way back as a ten year old. I was shocked. But I couldn't be prouder.

James' reaction was different to mine. He smiled and nodded at Ash but no doubt he was feeling the shock and respect for the younger male inside rather than showing it on the exterior like me.

The lavender haired male fist bumped Ash's shoulder and sighed quietly, still nodding.

"That is not crazy at all, Ash. That is a really big possibility."

Ash couldn't help but smile and I knew that, like the day James walked Misty down the aisle to him and a few other moments, he had received James' approval.

"I can't believe after all what I've done and all that I've said to you, you're still talking to me. I have been such a monster."

Before Ash could go quiet and reflect with guilt, James shook his head and frowned at him.

"Of course I'm still talking to you. You let me back into your life when I really didn't deserve it so naturally I'm going to repay you. You're not a monster. You didn't disregard me and I'm not going to do that to you either."

Once again, Ash was shocked by the older male's words and decided to hide his gratitude by smirking and tilting his head on one side.

"That was weird, for a moment I got the feeling that you might actually not mind me so much."

James reciprocated the younger male's playful manner and pulled a face, shaking his head.

"No, you're wrong. I still can't stand you."

When Ash grew tickled by his words and laughed out loud, James couldn't help but smirk and turn back to the raven haired male.

After a few moments of comedy, James suddenly quietened and looked at Ash sincerely.

"You're like my brother, Ash."

This caught my best friend completely off guard and he looked as surprised and innocent as he did when he was ten. Maybe the old Ash was slowly returning.

"What? Really? You mean that?"

The look in James' green orbs was sincere but he decided to torture Ash and smirked, wrinkling his nose.

"Yeah, younger brother. You're annoying as hell."

Upon hearing this, Ash gasped but soon gave him a competitive look and stood up so quickly I didn't really have time to back it to his shoulder and clung onto his knee.

"Oh is that so? Well you've reminded me how much I love Misty and I'm going to go and tell her."

As Ash walked off with me, James looked at him with a confused raised eyebrow.

The younger male paused in the door frame and turned to look his wife's best friend in the eye and smirked.

"Yeah. And I have a feeling it will result in me getting lucky."

Suddenly, James dived towards Ash's back and knocked into him, gritting his teeth protectively.

"Hands off, Ketchum! She may be nearly 28 years old but she's still my munchkin!"

I couldn't help but laugh as I heard those two argue and shove each other on the way back towards the party. Ash and James' relationship had always been a funny one. Funny as in amusing and funny meaning indescribable. Over the years they had swapped from enemies to friends to enemies to apparently brother's and usually they went through all those names for each other in the same day.

At the end of the day, none of that really matters. They both came from completely different backgrounds but their hearts were big and their love for their friends and family were even bigger. Ash and James were just Ash and James. And I was more than happy to have both these wonderful men in my life.

The End.

There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :3 Ash and James are my favourite pokemon guys and it's fun to write and show how their relationship is mainly joking and slightly competitive with James being very protective of his best friend, Misty. I like how when they both need it, however, they can get quite deep and offer one and other good advice. I think James views Ash sometimes as a little brother like he said and also views him as a son in law in a way, seeing as Ash is close friends with Gary and Cameron and they really are his son in laws :P Thanks again for reading and I will see you next Wednesday with another chapter so see you then!

AmyBieberKetchum :P