Hello :P I said I would be back to upload on New Years Day and here I am. This is the first chapter of 2017. I'm going to be honest and say that I feel as though this is one of my best. It deals with a lot of emotions that are so important to me that I have dealt with recently. This story is about Ash coping with Pikachu sick and possibly dying and receiving comfort from Jordan. At the end of November, my cat fell sick and we were told that she could go at any day. I wrote this to cope with the things I was feeling and everything Ash says or feels, I felt myself. Of course, Pikachu is going to live. I don't feel as though that is a spoiler because I could never kill off anyone. Sadly, on Christmas Eve, my beautiful cat, Alley, passed away under the Christmas Tree. So this is for her. I would never have written one of my possibly best or at least my favourite stories without her, nor done or felt so many other things. She was and always will be the Pikachu to my Ash. So I hope you enjoy this.

Disclaimer: I own only the story.

I breathed out in and out weakly from my position of lying down exhaustedly in front of the fire. My eyes ached with being unable to shut them and sleep. My skin tingled. My legs twitched. And my head and heart clenched with one of the most agonising aches I had ever felt in my whole life. The first few symptoms I described were my own. The headache and heartache were what Ash was feeling and I was empathising with as he lay down on the floor next to me, numbly stroking my fur.

I was sick. I felt as though I was on my last legs. I couldn't be sure I was, though. Just a few days before I had felt invincible. Ash had thought I was invincible. I was strong. But I wasn't undefeatable. I hated myself for being sick. I know of course as a Pokémon and a living thing I couldn't help it but it was the way I made everybody worry so. I hated it. Ash was sharing with me the numbness of his skin yet the deep aching of his heart and lungs. I was touched he cared about me that much but I still hated it. He was worried I was dying so in turn he ached so badly he too felt as though he was dying.

Ash must have felt me looking at him because he gave me a brave smile, reaching out to stroke my nose. I let out a tired noise but put all my strength into giving him a smile back and nuzzling his hand weakly back. I wanted more than ever to throw my arms around him and hug him tight like I normally would but I just couldn't. It was like I was in this body I just didn't know. My bladder seemed to twinge as I nuzzled him and soon enough my heart pounded in my chest. I had to flop back on the ground and rest my eyes from that minor yet exhausting action.

Luckily my eyes were closed so I didn't see the large amount of tears pooling in my best friend's eyes. I knew Jordan saw them when he entered the room. He didn't say anything to address Ash crying and my best friend wiped them away in the hope his father in law hadn't seen them.

The sensitive and blonde man just gave Ash and smile and plodded silently towards us, sitting down on the ground and crossing his legs beneath him. He didn't say anything for a while and neither did Ash. My best friend just continued stroking my fur and inwardly willing me to keep holding on. For once, it was the shy Jordan to break the silence between he and Ash.

He let out a quiet sigh before looking down at the ground, not at Ash and not at myself, as he ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his forehead.

"How's it going?" he mumbled gently, breathing out quietly and continuing to look at the ground as he spoke.

I kept my eyes open a crack and just watched as the raven haired male barely even looked at his father in law for once and completely didn't crack even the tiniest smile. Ash let out a weary sigh and shrugged, his hand moving to rub up and down my bony spine. It took a while for him to speak.

"I… I don't know. I wish I knew. I wish the doctors knew. I wish he knew. I wish he knew then he could tell me. But it's like no one knows. It's one of life's unsolved mysterious." He cracked a joke and he showed off a small smile to show this but his eyes didn't change. They looked dead and that made my own heart weep.

Jordan swallowed and nodded slowly, just twiddling his thumbs for a moment. After yet another while, he spoke at Ash and looked right at him, now playing with his hair this time to occupy himself.

"I was actually asking about you. How are you doing?"

Although his expression didn't change, I knew Ash was mildly surprised upon hearing this and let me explain. Jordan was not a rude man, far from it. He just struggled expressing himself sometimes. And he struggled relating to some people. And Ash was one of the people he didn't always relate to. But Ash meant the world to his daughter and a lot of us so he tried his best. I knew it was touching his heart now that Ash realised he had come in to check on him.

Ash breathed out and managed a smile at his father in law, his eyes getting a fraction less dull as he did so. He nodded his head before breathing out again, going back to stroking my fur.

"I'm fine. I'm doing fine."

I furrowed my brow upon hearing this and Jordan did as well. As I continued furrowing my brow at my best friend, the yellow haired male's head tilted on one side slightly and he raised an eyebrow at Ash.

Oh Ash. Sweet and lovable Ash. He had been so distracted by Jordan's tiny act of kindness that he was buzzing slightly. And he had forgotten how in pain he truly was.

Almost as soon as I thought this, Ash's expression changed and went back to pained, remembering the aching in his body and the pain in his heart. His eyes shook with emotion but they didn't leak. He shook his head and swallowed before shutting his eyes.

"I… I'm hurting, Jordan." Was all he mumbled at first before continuing when Jordan glanced at him and nodded his head. "I don't even know what to do with this pain, you know? It hurts so bad. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't think. I can't breathe properly anymore. The pain aches more than I can describe. It's crazy. How can emotional pain physically make your body ache? Just, how?"

I watched exhaustedly as Jordan's eyes pricked with tears upon hearing Ash's words and he just nodded his head, breathing out quietly. He knew all too well what living with pain was like but I don't think he experienced how Ash felt every single day of his life. At least, I prayed that he didn't. He didn't deserve that. And neither did Ash.

Jordan took a while to speak and he seemed to swallow more tears that were pricking his James green orbs. He ran a hand through his hair, moving slightly closer to Ash.

"It's one of the craziest things in the world. Emotional pain really can make your whole body ache. I don't know how but I certainly know that it does. It sucks. There's no other way to put it. It just sucks."

Ash nodded his head and looked over at his father in law with big, chocolate orbs. The way he was looking at him broke my heart in two. He was so vulnerable. He wanted comfort. He wanted answers. He just needed to know I was going to be okay. But the trouble was, nobody could tell or promise such a thing.

I thought I could almost see the lump in Jordan's throat that he quickly swallowed. He moved even closer to Ash and even patted his knee briefly before moving away. After that he just nodded his head and looked right at him, his eyes full of pained understanding.

"I know, Ash. Trust me, I know."

That was all he said for quite a while before he suddenly looked away and played with his hair. I knew he didn't regret comforting Ash but this was Jordan. He suffered a lot. He was sometimes tricky to work out. He wanted to be strong but he thought he wasn't. He was afraid a lot of the time. And he was also afraid of being afraid. As James said, there were a lot of layers to that guy.

Ash managed to let out a quiet laugh at Jordan's actions but it was an apologetic one. He gave him a small smile as he looked at him, his eyes flickering slightly.

"I'm not going to be ignorant to you. Not this time."

Despite the fact it felt like my whole body was shutting down, I breathed out proudly at Ash. He was one of the best guys I knew. He was loyal, he was sweet, he was courageous and he was generous. But at times he could be pretty naïve. He was very naïve in fact towards Jordan. He just didn't really understand what it was like. But that didn't stop him making things right when he said something wrong or trying to learn if Jordan opened up to him. He was a good person.

I watched as despite everything, Jordan managed to give Ash a smile back. He nodded his head, accepting his words before shrugging a little bit.

"Well that makes a change." He mumbled in a serious tone but the slight spark in his eyes were joking as he reached to give Ash a gentle poke.

When my best friend managed a smile back, Jordan gave him another one. I breathed out and joined in the silence as they had theirs, the only noise in the room being the crackling fire and my sadly heavy breathing. My sleepiness made my breathing heavier and this made Ash worry once again.

I watched as his eyes filled with tears and he looked at Jordan with vulnerability.

"I just want to make things right for him, Jordan. I'm way more than ten times the size of him. I'm meant to be the one fixing things for him, Jordan. But I can't. I'm powerless. I'm useless."

"You're not useless, Ash." Jordan was quick to correct him but in a defending way this time and not a school teacher way for once. The yellow haired man breathed out and rubbed his temples, thinking hard to himself what he wanted to say. You wouldn't think it to look at him because he was tall and strong and even pretty handsome, but he was an insecure guy. But like many of the insecure guys in our group, he was quick to make others feel good because he knew what it was like to feel bad.

"You're not useless, Ash…" Jordan repeated, running a hand through his slight curtain like bangs before breathing out, shaking his head a fraction at the younger man. "Just because you're bigger than him, doesn't mean you have to fix things for him. We're all equal on this planet and sad and unfortunate and bad things happen to us all. You don't have to fix him, Ash. You just have to be there for him every step of the way."

I managed to weakly nod my head upon hearing this but Ash shook his own head, squeezing his eyes tightly shut and letting the tears spurt out of the corners of his eyes.

"I can't. I can't, Jordan. I'm really not sure that I can. This aching in my heart and chest and every damn bone in my body is the most horrible pain I've felt in my whole life and I'm not sure I can cope with it. It makes me want to get up and leave because I know I won't be able to cope with the pain if I lose him. When I lose him. When I lose him, I'll die. I truly will die."

Jordan shook his head upon hearing this and fought back his own tears. He did something unusual for him and wrapped Ash's wrists, making sure the young man was looking at him.

"You are not going to lose him, Ash Ketchum; you are not going to lose him. It's not his time, it's not. He's not going anywhere. He is going to pull through."

I furrowed my brow in determination and nodded my head at this but sadly, neither of them saw. Ash continued shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut, the tears continuing to pour as Jordan's squeezed his arms.

"I can't, Jordan, I'm telling you that I can't. Even if this is just a false alarm and everything is alright, for how long for? Eventually I'm going to lose him. Eventually he is going to die. If it's not now, it's going to be some other time. Either way I'm going to experience my heart being ripped out eventually."

I gulped and squeezed my own eyes shut at Ash's for once negative attitude but Jordan kept going strong. He knew how Ash felt and he lived with the pain of what he did to deal with his own pain every single day and was not going to let Ash off lightly. He was going to give him the tough love.

"Ash, it's the damn truth that everybody is going to die. You might even be before Pikachu if you get hit by a bus or something. Who knows? But I do know that you're being stupid. I know it feels like you want to get up and leave because the pain is too much but we all know you won't. You're not a coward like me, Ash. The pain we feel when someone is sick or dies is because we care. And whether we believe it or not at the time, these people are worth that pain. They're worth every inch of that pain. And we will not leave because we think they might leave. We stick by their side and fucking deal with whatever happens. Because that's life. It goes on. People die. People live. It's life. But you're not a coward, Ash Ketchum. So put those thoughts out of your mind and focus on your best friend. He is worth it. He is strong. He is going to live."

I watched as my best friend broke down in tears upon hearing this, but they were not tears or shame or regret or anguish. He was relieved. Relieved he had found someone who truly understood that clenching in every part of that body. Relieved he could finally relate to Jordan and have him relate to him back. I hoped that Jordan had even given Ash hope because he sure as hell had given me a little bit to keep on fighting. For Ash, for everyone and most importantly, for myself.

I thought I was hallucinating when all of a sudden; Jordan wrapped his arms around Ash and held his son in law tight. I watched as Ash cried into his chest, truly not caring about being vulnerable and wanting to be held by Misty's father. Jordan shut his eyes and swallowed his own tears, clearly suddenly being hit by the vulnerability he had just shown Ash.

My best friend gasped for air and gripped onto Jordan's strong shoulder, his body shaking and his eyes pouring as he was finally and truly letting out all of the emotions he had felt for days. He shook his head at himself slightly before managing to get enough oxygen into his lungs to speak.

"I-I'm sorry, Jordan. I just don't understand how the human body is able to cope with such a gut wrenching pain as grief. But I'll give it a go, of course I will. Because Pikachu is worth it. So worth it. Beyond worth it. I'm not worthy of him."

Jordan didn't say anything and just held Ash tighter, patting his back lightly as he cried. Ash sobbed a few more times before wiping his eyes roughly, looking up at his father and speaking once again.

"I'm sorry, Jordan. You must think I'm so stupid. You've dealt with this before and with your wife being sick, not a Pokémon. Your pain must have been way worse and here I am basically ready to give up."

I watched as Jordan furrowed his brow and shook his head at the younger male. He didn't need to say anything and he showed with his eyes that he thought that all lives were equal and every person should be mourned the exact same amount. After speaking those words with the softness of his green orbs, he spoke with his lips the words he truly wanted to say.

Some people would pull the person away to look at them while they spoke but not Jordan. He found it easier to shut his eyes and hold Ash tighter as he spoke from the heart. And that's exactly what he did.

"I don't think you're stupid, Ash. Well I have in the past and you have with me but that's not important. I don't think you're stupid right now. I think you're human. Sometimes I can't relate to you when you're being dense and a bit ignorant but I can sure as hell relate to your humanity. And I respect it. In this one conversation you have shown me your true self far more than when you're trying to show off and impress me. And I like that guy. So I hope to see that guy more. But with a little less worry and a bit more happiness, of course."

Ash didn't know what to say at Jordan's touching words and Jordan didn't know what to say at Ash's silence so they just continued hugging as my breathing finally evened out and my bones seemed to tingle with new life.

I am pleased and ever so grateful to say that I recovered and this most certainly wasn't the end for me. I'm still going strong to this day. I am grateful for life but I am even more honoured that I got to see that moment between Ash and Jordan and possibly even be the reason for that occasion of mutual respect. I was a lucky guy. I had a full life. I had a full heart. I loved everybody with every inch of my being. I experienced and I witnessed tears, smiles, love, hatred, clarity, confusion, doubt and hope with every single one of them. And I loved them all so much. When it's time to go and when my time finally does come, I know that I will drift away peacefully knowing that I have been the luckiest Pokémon alive to love and share my life with all of those magical people.

The End.

There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :3 It broke my heart a little writing this story and now writing this author's note because I made Pikachu live while Alley couldn't. I let my mum read this one because I was so pleased with it and she said something that prompted me into uploading this as my New Years chapter. It's not very joyful but I think it's appropriate. A lot of people go into a new year really scared thinking of bad things that may happen. Bad things will happen no matter the day or the year. But I know that there will be some wonderful and good things mixed in with the bad. I lost my cat and it tore my heart out but it has bought me and my family even closer and I am so grateful for the kindness and support Shannon has showed me. So Pikachu may have been dying. But Ash and Jordan got to have their moment of opening up and respect. So there is good in bad. There is always good in bad. Thank you again for all the reviews and support for my stories in 2016. It has probably been one of my favourite years in FanFiction because I feel as though I have grown so much and learnt to really write about whatever I want to write about. I look forward to 2017's adventures! Thanks again and I'll be back on Wednesday with another little new beginnings story so see you then!

AmyBieberKetchum signing out :3