Hello :P It is Wednesday and I am back with a new update. This one was really hard for me to write - I don't know why but it took me a good few drafts to get started and even reading it now, I'm a little unsure. It's pretty different. It doesn't have a lot of conversation and is more about showing feelings and the love. I also have had this idea in my head for a good few years and it was so strong in my mind that it was almost hard to convey it with words. But I hope you like either way!
Ages:
Justin: 18
James: 39
Disclaimer: I own the story and any OCs mentioned :3
As soon as the lavender haired male's eyes fluttered open, he could sense that his eldest son was no longer in his arms. He inhaled quietly but sharply and sat up in bed, withdrawing his arm from it being underneath his pillow while he slept on his front. He let out a quiet and groggy noise in confusion but he waited a few seconds before he allowed a pang to take over his stomach.
He sat. He watched. He waited. He felt with both hands, almost massaging the duvet with his fingers. He was right. The bed was empty. He let his eyes slowly adjust to the still dark of the early morning. He trusted his touch but he waited for his orbs to agree with him. And once again. He was right. Justin was no longer in his arms.
I had barely slept that night. I had dozed for a few hours sometime during the deepest parts of the night but as soon as very early morning broke, I was awake. I hated that feeling. I often enjoyed being awake when no one else was but not in instances like that. I didn't like being sleep deprived. I didn't like aching for sleep but being unable to find it. But I did like the Morgan's. And I did like the act of bravery that had taken over the eldest of the Morgan son's the evening before. I liked that very much indeed. In fact, I had loved it.
Once again, James let out that quiet and groggy squeaky noise that came from his throat and I didn't have time to reflect. I didn't have time to reflect how much I missed the Ketchum's during my spontaneous sleepover. I didn't have time to feel my own pang in my stomach as I realised that, although they knew where I was and that I was safe and sound, they didn't have a clue when I'd be home. I didn't have time to long to be home. In that moment, the Morgan Mansion was my home. And I was lucky to be as connected to them as they were with each other.
Once more, James touched the other side of the bed which had been left empty by the deep purple haired male but following that, he didn't dawdle. He was never really a morning person. As long as I'd known him, he'd been a night owl and a late riser. And if he had to be an early riser, it took a lot of coffee to function! But that morning, was different.
He got out of bed right away upon waking. His bare feet touched the carpet of the spare bedroom which he had shared with his son for one night and he soon padded across it as I sat up in bed myself. Boy, I was sleep deprived and the way James dawdled just once to peer out the curtains made me realise it even more so. As the drapes parted a fraction, the room was filled with that shivery and silvery grey aesthetic and feeling. It really was very early in the morning.
I watched James leave the comfort of the duvet and noticed how he left quite the print on the mattress as he had spent many hours sleeping on his front. Despite the eventful and mind opening events that had happened the evening before, he seemingly slept well. He frowned and he snored but he seemed to get some sleep for many hours on end.
I had stayed watching him and studying him. I had watched him sleeping with his arms wrapped protectively and paternally around his long haired son. I had watched him sleep with his arms empty after he was left alone too. And in that moment, I was about to witness even more happen.
The lavender haired male left the spare room which he had shared with his son for the night and paused outside his own door way. I could see that he was thinking. And I could imagine what exactly he was thinking. I was proved right when his eyes wandered to each and every door of the vast hall of his Morgan Mansion. He paused, his body not moving but his orbs swivelling all around.
His green eyes went to Jazmyn's bedroom door first as he imagined pausing outside it while resting his forehead on the wooden frame. But he wouldn't go in. He'd have liked to, of course, and seen his deep purple haired daughter sound asleep and just as innocent as the day she was born. But he wouldn't. She shared that room with her boyfriend and he had enough respect to always knock before going in. And because she was highly unlikely to be awake, he definitely wouldn't have gotten her seal of approval. So he waited before moving on.
His eyes wandered to Jayden's door and he imagined checking on him too. James knew that his dual haired son was a front sleeper like he was and he almost definitely had his arm hanging off the bed while he slept, his fingers crusted with paint from the day before. Like his older sister, he would look sweet and innocent too.
Jaxon would look peaceful and innocent as well, and James noted this as he glanced thoughtfully over at his pink haired son's door. He was certain to be sprawled out on his back and with his covers on the floor. James would be tempted to pick them up and cover him back in his blankets but this would've woken him. He was a light sleeper, much like his mother. And James thought of her as he quietly passed her door on his way to the destination that he really desired.
He hadn't spent the night sleeping next to his magenta haired wife and he hadn't spent it next to his pregnant ginger haired girlfriend either. He knew the latter would be using his pillow to support her baby bump seeing as he stayed watching over his eldest son instead. The mere thought of this made his heart melt as he imagined Lynne's sleepy waking up noises too.
If quietly opening his children's room doors and seeing them sleeping like sweet and innocent things wasn't tempting enough, this definitely was. He loved secretly watching his girls and when one of them was pregnant too, it was a bonus. James wanted nothing more than to lean against a door frame and watch his female glow and cup the bump that was growing his child. But like his brain often did, it would soon wander. And in that moment, it most definitely would so.
He would be looking at Lynne lovingly and thinking to himself how he had a new arrival soon. He would have a new baby girl soon. A whole new and newborn baby. That made him feel happy. That made him feel lucky. That made him feel every emotion. And thinking about a new little baby would make him think how it didn't feel very long since his first children had come into his life.
And like it often did, his mind would wander to Justin and how the day before he had announced to him who he truly was. And James would be reaffirmed that between that day and the day he came into the world, he never loved him more.
The lavender haired male stopped leaning against the spare room door frame and snapped out of his own thoughts. He wanted to see all of his sleeping children but he had done that many times before. In that moment, one of his children was his priority. They were all always his priority but that morning, his deep purple haired son was heavily on his mind. So he padded along the hallway and crept into his bedroom like his son had done to him less than six hours ago.
I padded along the hallway myself and only as I began walking did I realise how sleep deprived I really was. But I didn't mind. I pushed through it. I had been part of a moment that was so tender and so raw and so beautiful. I would sacrifice all the sleep in the world to witness that again. But I would have liked to have an afternoon nap as well!
I rested my cheek against the door frame as I watched James tiptoe over to the side of his son's bed. I had sensed when Justin snuck out from sleeping in the same bed as his father and went back to his own bedroom and it was only just over an hour ago. But James didn't know this. He had been in dreamland. He had been living in a world where he was deeply proud of his son and he woke up feeling that way as well.
He let out a quiet breath, carefully moving even closer to the side of Justin's bed and reaching his hand out to stroke his son's head. His palm ran over his deep purple locks while he slept and then they began to comb through his hair. The teenager didn't react. He didn't move. He didn't smile. He didn't twitch. But he continued breathing. In and out. In and out. In deeply and out deeply. And it was good to hear.
Even though it was a complete over-exaggeration of my mind, I felt like I hadn't heard him breathing that freely and peacefully in a very long time. And I knew that James felt the same way as I did.
And on top of that, I could tell that the lavender haired male was thinking of so many other things too. But for once, I couldn't read what they were from his expression. Either I was too sleep-deprived or they were too profound for me. I didn't mind. They were his thoughts and his thoughts alone. They were for him. And that didn't bother me.
James bit his lip as he continued stroking his son's hair, Justin finally moving by rolling onto his other side.
The lavender haired male's expression changed. He continued biting his lip but he tilted his head too. He was thinking to himself and suddenly, I knew what thoughts exactly had entered and exited his mind before entering it once again. He pushed his hair from his eyes with his spare hand. His son had climbed into bed with him. He was eighteen years old and he had climbed into bed with his father. So clearly there was no age limit on comfort. And there was no age limit on company either.
James shrugged to himself even though no one else was looking before gently peeling back Justin's covers. And following that, he climbed back into bed with the deep purple haired male. His arms moved to wrap back tightly around his son, his hands resting over his chest. He held his son tight. He didn't let him go.
Time seemed to speed up and slow down simultaneously upon that moment. The ex-rocketeer shut his eyes while holding his son and the younger male relaxed against his chest. He didn't hug him back but you could see his back sinking against his father's front. He felt safe. He felt secure. They both did. I shut my eyes and time passed even quicker.
I didn't realise it until I woke but I had nodded off against the door frame. I should've been aware that I had fallen asleep seeing as I was aware of the rustling of the boys' duvet and the early rising birds outside of the window, but I wasn't. I didn't realise that I had fallen asleep until I woke up once again.
And once my body jerked me awake and my eyes sprung open, I realised that it was much lighter than when I had drifted off. But it was still very early morning. It was still not time to wake up. But that didn't stop Justin. Like I had been during the night with the two guys napping, James had been awake through everything in that moment.
He had stayed awake with his son and he had stayed listening to each and every movement that he did. He listened to his deep breathing. He observed the way he relaxed against him fully. He noticed how soft his long locks were and how they seemed to make him look even younger as he slept. He smiled to himself. He did the same things and felt the same way as when he was just a new-born baby, even though at that point, he was longer and taller than even James was. This made the lavender haired male smile more to himself.
And I didn't know if it was the early morning birds chirping outside the window or the sun starting to fully shine in the window or his father's pure smile, but Justin finally woke up. It took him quite a while but eventually, he did it.
He began to stir but he didn't show it for quite some time. He sunk further against his father's front, first of all allowing his ears to get used to the early morning sounds. James looked over at the clock at the same time that Justin let out that same groggy groan noise that his father did upon waking as he rolled away from the comforting body. He lay against his pillow instead, on his back. His eyes remained shut. James' didn't. He read the time on the clock. It was just past six in the morning. It was still hours yet before any of the Morgan's alarms went off.
The lavender haired male let out a sigh of relief at the same time that Justin let out his own sigh. But his wasn't relief; I couldn't quite tell what his was. But it wasn't relief. Surely, he had got rid of all relief the evening before? I remained leaning against the door frame and in that moment, my eyes flickered to a pile of Justin's clothes on the floor. How inviting they looked. How comfy they looked. Surely neither one of them would mind if I curled up on them and listened to their interactions from there? Surely neither one of them would even notice if I made my way over to them and made myself a nice little nest? It had been such an eventful and long evening and night, after all.
I made up my mind. My mind was made up. I was about to saunter over to the clothing pile and happily make myself a nice little bed when I was stopped in my tracks. A first bit of talking that day happened between the two Morgan boys. I had to stop in case they noticed me. I knew they wouldn't but still, I stopped. Drat. My chance had passed me. I should've grabbed it with both paws.
As both Justin and James stayed lying in the teenage boy's bed, both of them on their backs and both of their arms rested behind their heads, a noise interrupted the silence between them. But first of all, it wasn't words. It was a noise. It was a human noise. It was a stomach's noise. It was Justin's stomach. It was rumbling. It wasn't used to being awake that early. It wanted food.
Even though the lavender haired male hadn't slept that much, he had had a good few solid hours to be going along with. He reacted almost instantly upon hearing his son (or his son's stomach) in need. He rolled over onto his side to be closer to Justin and playfully poked him, a tired but genuine smile on his face.
"Are you hungry, buddy?" he asked him and watched his son cover his face sheepishly with both of his hands but he smiled amusedly from behind all of his digits. Before Justin could even answer, James' hand was on the corner of the duvet. He was ready to lift it off them both and go get his son breakfast. But first, he nudged him again. "Is it cereal time? What are you in the mood for?"
Despite the life changing words that he had announced to both of his parents the day before, Justin was being rather alert for so early in the morning. He answered his father right away but rolled over, closing the gap even further between both of those males. He was soon lying on his chest once again.
"It's always cereal time." he told him in a serious tone but with a light-hearted expression on his face before his face matched the sound of his voice a few seconds later. He played with his own hair, shutting his eyes once again and letting out a nonchalant sigh. "But not now. I can wait. I have other things on my mind."
Even though his tone of voice had gone a little more serious, you could tell that he was being airy. But even so, James went quiet. I did too. Before the dark purple haired male could add some more words, his lavender haired father was already doing just that.
"I just want to lie here. I just want to lie here." Justin told his Dad truthfully so that's exactly what they did. For quite some time, in fact. They both had to ignore Justin's stomach rumbling a few more times but after the first times, it just became background noise. In fact, for me, it was almost becoming white noise. And his clothing pile was becoming even more tempting. I was annoyed with myself that I didn't take the opportunity up when I first had the chance.
But I gave myself an inward and stern talking to. Some things were more important than others. And that day, the only important things were the Morgan's. The only important thing was Justin. And the most important thing was how he had come out the day before.
Both the boys stayed lying together and in bed. Like before, they were both on their backs and with their arms resting behind their heads. And even more similarly, as their arms were behind their heads, one of their hands was absentmindedly massaging their own scalps. They were thinking. They were thinking the same things or very different things, I didn't know. I couldn't tell.
I was thinking of my own things as well and no, it wasn't about my clothing pile nest! I was thinking about those two Morgan males and how similar they were. They really were two peas in a pod and not just from how they were laying.
Justin knew that they were similar too and that's why he had tried to tell his father this when he first began telling him about who he really was and what he really liked. He had questioned his father, asking him what the main difference between those two was. He had hinted to him that his Dad liked something that he didn't. It had taken a while for the lavender haired male to get it but after he did and after he said the words to him, even though there was a massive difference between them, he somehow had never felt more similar to him. He was his son. He was his blood. They were one. And nothing would stop him from seeing the likeness between them, even when circumstances could have made them feel apart.
The boys remained being together and in one and other's company for quite some time. They didn't feel the need to talk. They didn't feel the need to speak. They just felt the need to breathe, right next to each other. But after a while, a question popped into the lavender haired male's brain, as it most likely would.
He paused asking it at first, opening his mouth and shutting it before looking over at his son. Either Justin heard his mouth opening and closing or he sensed his frown, but he looked over at his father. Their eyes met. James had questioning and soft green ones. Justin had accepting and calm teal ones mixed with green. He was telling him that it was okay. It was okay to have questions. It was okay to speak. It was okay.
James had always reassured Justin that anything and everything for him was okay and then more than ever did he believe it. And in that instance, he was able to give that feeling back and show it with his eyes. So James just came out with it.
He hesitated a while longer, still unsure whether Justin really wanted to continue talking about it or he was just being nice. But then he realised that his son didn't lie. He was so very honest. He was so very truthful. So he took his word for it. He licked his lips and frowned as he picked his words carefully.
"How… How long have you known, Justin?" the lavender haired male asked his son gently and right away, the deep purple haired male knew exactly what he was talking about. Of course he did. I did too and I finally crept over to the clothing pile and made myself comfortable on it. But like things often were when they were sought after and desired, it wasn't as good as I thought it was. But thankfully, the boys' company was even better.
Like his father had done before him, Justin then paused. He hesitated. He licked his lips as well. He picked his own words carefully, not because he worried about offending his Dad but because he wanted to be completely truthful. He had kind of a pressure to always be that way from that day forward since he had been so bravely honest the day before.
"Uh…" Justin began, not nervously but using that specific word to give himself time to really think about his answer. James listened, his eyes full of curiosity but sensitivity as well. It was all so new to him but at the same time, felt old as well. A lot had happened in a short space of time and because of that, time seemed to go slowly. The deep purple haired male played with his hair. "I've known full time probably since I was fifteen… So… Three years."
The eldest of the Morgan's sons words were said with a level of uncertainty or shyness but at the same time, they were filled with honesty. He was telling his father the truth. And it was good practice. Because he still had to come clean and come out to the rest of the world.
James surprised me by breathing out quietly and looking away. He surprised me even more by answering his son quickly. He almost swallowed, his eye contact darting between his son and a random location in his bedroom.
"Since you were fifteen…?" he repeated Justin's words and the younger male nodded, looking away himself and running a hand through his hair when he didn't quite understand why his father was looking away. He listened out for any anger or hurt in his voice. But he didn't hear any. "So three years? Three years…?"
Justin didn't know what to do other than to just nod at the words that were coming out of his father's mouth. They were different than expected and different than the previous day too. I noticed this as well. My head tilted on the side from nuzzling against Justin's discarded jeans. I breathed out. I knew that the teenager needed some stability and consistency in his reactions and replies but that wasn't exactly guaranteed. James had feelings and perspectives too; he couldn't react in a way that Justin wanted all the time.
And it wasn't exactly as if Justin didn't want him to react in that way – he wasn't doing anything wrong per se. He was just reacting differently. The dark purple haired male frowned lightly and looked back over at his father at the same time as the older male let out a quiet breath and clarified his words, his own frown on his face.
"I just… I just can't quite believe it. Three years of spending a lot of time together and hanging out all of the time." James began by telling the truth and sharing his own perspective but he soon stopped it there. His words could've sounded like he was mad or trying to make Justin feel guilty and he didn't want that. That was the last thing he wanted. That was the furthest from his true intention. He moved closer to his son and briefly touched his cheek. He gave him a small smile. "Three years of knowing… And yesterday was the right moment, was it? That's when you were ready?"
Justin was quick to nod but he wasn't quick to allow his eyes to fall back on his father's face. They took quite a while to follow the direction in which his head was facing. He continued playing with his own hair, his other hand absentmindedly rubbing over his belly. He then contrasted his nod by shrugging.
"I'm not sure if there's ever been a right moment. I'm not sure if there ever could be a right moment. All I know is that I've had this secret for so long and Jazzy's held it for me too and I couldn't do that to either of us anymore. It was time for it to come out. It was time for me to come out. Even if it was the wrong moment or time, I know this is me. And you deserve to know who your son is."
The lavender haired male was a sensitive male at the best of times but upon hearing his son being so wise and vulnerable moved him quicker to tears than he had almost been in his whole life. He swallowed the lump in his throat but he didn't need to. He wasn't ashamed of it. That lump in his throat felt everything. Pride. Love. Wonder. Joy. Honour. That was his son and he was right; he did deserve to know exactly who he was. But he found himself telling him.
"Hey, it's not even about me deserving to know who you are. You deserve to be able to say who exactly you are with not a single care in the world. There will always be a right moment as far as I'm concerned. I want to know who you are, no matter who you are. And I love who you are too, no matter who you are as well."
As well as his father, the deep purple haired male was a sensitive male at the best of times also. But he held it in better than his Dad did, or at least, he showed it in different ways. He just grinned in relief over at his father, his eyes slightly misty as he reached across to slap him on the back lightly. That's all he did. That's all he did to respond. And it was enough.
He was grateful. In that moment, actions spoke louder than words. And there were no words to sum up how thankful he felt to have a father like this one.
His father was sensitive and he was thoughtful too. And after Justin's words, James was thinking to himself. You could tell that he was because he went quiet. He stopped playing with his hair and started playing with his own fingers instead. And after Justin looked over at him with questioning eyes, James didn't hesitate to come out with it. He had his own questions too.
Unlike his son, he was more hesitant. He tried to ignore his thoughts and tried to resist saying them but he couldn't help it. He tried to keep quiet. He tried to brush them aside. He paused. He hesitated. But then he couldn't help but ask his son.
"Do… Do you think things would be different for you if I hadn't fallen for Lynne?" James began solemnly and before he could clarify his words and continue, Justin couldn't help but give him a brief, cheeky smile. He tilted his head on one side and squinted one eye at him.
"No, Dad, I don't. I'm pretty sure I would still be gay even if you got a girlfriend and had a baby with her too."
I couldn't help but laugh even though I was meant to be being quiet from my position cuddling up to Justin's clothes while James rolled his eyes at his son. You could tell that he found his dry humour that he got from him amusing but in that moment, he was being serious. He opened his mouth to clarify to his son after giving back to him the light slap on the chest that he had given him.
But before James could embellish his words or tell him his views of it all, Justin stopped him. He lightly grabbed his hand from slapping his chest and looked right at his father. He told him, his eye contact unmoving.
"No, Dad." He told him solemnly but surely, not letting go of his hand and moving even closer to him. He had a lot he wanted to say and things that he had thought about himself for years. And the time had finally come to say them. And he wanted to do his words the justice that they deserved.
"No, Dad, I don't believe anything would be different. Me coming out is my thing. It's for me to do and for me to decide when I do it and how I do it and who knows when I do it. Sure, we haven't had the most normal life but who has? And sure, we've had stuff happen to us all. We've had stuff happen to us all and stuff that we can't control. But I can control when and how I came out. And I did yesterday. Yesterday might not have even been the right time but it was my time. And because of you, and because of me and just because – this little baby is going to know the real me from the day that she is born. And that is worth every little thing that I've been through and every year that I lied to myself. It's now worth it all. Because of my family."
I held my breath upon hearing all of the deep purple haired male's words and I tried to resist but I was moved quickly to tears. Family. His family. Justin's family. My family. In that moment, I missed all of the Ketchum's so much and so badly wished that they could all be a part of that moment and wished that they witnessed everything that I had seen. But like Justin said, it wasn't the right moment. But their moment would come. And their moment would be great. When they finally got told who the eldest Morgan son truly was, it would be great. And it may even influence some people as well.
After Justin's little speech was said and done, there was nothing else that could be said or done. So James just wrapped his arms around his son and Justin wrapped his arms around his father and they stayed hugging together and being together. Even though they had spent so many years together throughout all the confusion, they still missed out on massive parts of each other when they both were unable to be true to themselves. But they were making up for it then. And they would make up for it always. There was always time for making up to happen.
Even though Justin was a teenager – he was eighteen – he still needed his father. He still needed his father's hugs. He still needed his father's love. He still needed his support. And the truth was, James felt exactly the same way about his son. So that day, he told him that. He told him that many times before and many times since but that day, he told him that. He told him how much he needed him. He told him how much he loved him.
James brushed the deep purple locks out of his son's eyes and pressed a brief kiss to the top of his head. He then looked into his eyes as he told his son the truth.
"You gave me life the day you were born. I knew who exactly you were the minute you arrived and the second I held you in my arms for the first time. Heck, I knew who exactly you were the moment I found out you existed. And yesterday was the most amazing moment of my life. Because you stood in front of me and you told me who you were and all I could think was 'yes'. Yes, when you told me who you were, I knew who you were but I needed you to put it into words for me. So thank you. For being you. For being my son. For letting me be your father. You're one of my best friends. And I can't wait to sit back and see the amazing things that you do now that you have been set free. You deserve it, my son. Justin, you deserve nothing more."
The End.
There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :3 Like I always say when writing a chapter with a theme similar to this, I hope that I haven't offended anybody. I try to write realistically and from a good place. I've tried to make Justin a good and likable character, regardless of his preference. This was another chapter inspired by the movie 'Love, Simon'. I thought that character and movie related heavily to Justin and his story. My mum helped a little bit with it too. I always knew that Justin would come out in late teens, but even I wondered why he'd take until then to come out. She gave me the answer that he probably had a lot on his mind with his own problems and accepting Lynne being with his father. So that's one of the answers right there! Along with Justin wanting hold onto who he always thought he was a bit longer. Thanks again for reading and I will be back next Wednesday so see you then :P
AmyBieberKetchum signing out :3