Hello :P It is Wednesday and I am back with a new update. I actually really quite like this one. Even though I've been spacing them out, I've been writing a lot about Justin in the last month and coming up with a lot about him too. This is yet another chapter about him and it shows the start of the relationship between he and his little half-sister, Jorgie, and overcoming some feelings he had around Lynne's pregnancy/the baby actually being born. I hope you enjoy :3
Ages:
Lynne: 30
Justin: 18
Jorgie: 1 Month Old
Disclaimer: I own the story and all of the OCs mentioned with AAML-TAML :3
I didn't realise it until I woke by my eyes snapping open that I had fallen asleep on one of the Morgan children's beds. I had joined Ash for a consultation that morning with their fashion designer parents and I had snuck off to a cosy looking bedroom when that piqued my interest far more. But I woke up as soon as Justin returned home and entered his bedroom. And to my advantage or to my disadvantage – it wasn't clear right away – me sleeping on a pile of his clothes went completely unnoticed by the teen.
However, I didn't allow my ego to take over and be hurt by not being spotted and instead focused on letting my eyelids get used to being awake once again and then on the deep purple haired young man. Like me, while my brain was trying to push away memories of dreams and focus on the present instead, it was clear that Justin had a lot on his mind too. It was clear just by looking at him.
He let out a quiet and unreadable sigh as he shut the door behind him and put his messenger bag down on his bedroom carpet, leaving his fedora hat on as he took a seat on the chair in front of the window. Right away upon sitting, his body language grew even tenser. That definitely intrigued me and not in a calm way. He looked unsettled. He looked unsure. He looked like his whole world was unravelling. And once again, not in a good way.
His posture - the way he was hunched over on the chair with his legs spread apart and his feet planted on the floor next to his backpack and his hands clasped together in his lap – made me feel almost as unsettled as he looked. It made me feel as confused as he appeared. It didn't make any sense. His body language hadn't been that bad upon walking to the room but it deteriorated when he sat down. That wasn't right to me.
In my opinion, his posture should have perked up and looked far more content when he was sat in his own home. When he was sat in his own bedroom, he was meant to be relaxed. I figured that 'meant' was the key word. It didn't always have to pan out. He was meant to be relaxed in his own home. He was meant to be content in the lovely environment that was the Morgan Mansion. He was meant to feel okay. But he didn't. And that had to be okay.
Justin continued sitting in his chair and in that position for a good few minutes, staring out the window. I glanced over where he was staring at and huddled further against his clothes pile. It was bleak out there. It was just as bleak as his expression and perhaps even more so. It was cold too. It was cold out there. It was cold inside his bedroom too. And as the deep purple haired male inhaled and exhaled, his warm breath formed in clouds in front of his mouth against the cold air. The room seemed to get darker each time that he breathed quietly in and out.
I stopped nuzzling my cheek against an old screwed up t shirt of his and sat further up. I wondered what was wrong. I worried what was making him feel a certain way. I wanted him to be happy. And I thought he was exactly that, after he had finally allowed himself to be truthful with a few special people.
But then just as Justin was clearly, pondering to himself, I had a think to myself as well. And I realised. I realised that just because everything was out in the open, it didn't mean everything was somehow perfect for him. He was still a person. He was still a teenager. He was still almost a man. And he could feel however he felt, no matter his situation in life or his blessings. Justin felt overwhelmed and that was okay. But inside, I wished he'd do something about it rather than thinking in circles!
Almost as soon as I thought these things in my head, slowly but surely, Justin stopped sitting stooped in his chair and he rose up gently. With yet another sigh, he straightened his back and padded over towards his record player. He still didn't spot me. I was okay with that. I was just watching him. And I watched him rummage in his neatly organised record storage box (one of the only neat things about his room) for a few minutes before he chose a vinyl out of it.
He sighed yet another time as he pulled it out of its sleeve but that time it was a different sigh – it was more of a getting-his-butt-in-gear kind of sigh. It was a more pulling-himself-together- kind of sigh. I was glad to hear it. And despite his previously rather gloomy expression, his mouth couldn't help but quirk into a slight smirk as he got ready to put his record on the player, the right side up.
But something stopped him. At first, I was completely clueless over what was stopping him. I was so focused on studying all of his expressions and waiting to see if he got too visibly upset that I could comfort him, that I didn't hear anything at all. I didn't hear anything at all. But Justin did. And I eventually did too when I craned my neck and honed my ears in so they were intently listening.
The sound stopped for a fraction of a second but then it started again. I could hear crying. Justin could hear crying. We could hear crying. It was the crying of a baby. My eyes blinked with concern but the long haired male had a different reaction. He had a very different reaction than I had often seen in his lavender haired father.
He almost seemed to roll his eyes upon hearing the infant's wails down the hall and his throat moved as if he was holding back a scoff. I tilted my head on one side while Justin tried to ignore the wails of the new-born baby and he placed his record on the player, getting ready to put the pin on the right position. But once again, he stopped. And for a second time that day, his body language changed completely.
Justin frowned and somewhat scrunched his nose up as if he was telling himself off for reacting the way that he was. He was trying to focus on playing one of his favourite records to cheer himself up but he soon couldn't stop himself from being aware of the baby crying down the hall. He tried to focus on putting the pin against the record but all of a sudden, he couldn't pretend and ignore it for much longer.
Even though his expression had gone back to being blank and a fraction moody, his head turned to look over his shoulder at his door and the direction that the crying was coming from. He looked like something was trying to stop him but after a few seconds of hesitating, he put his record sleeve down on the bed and turned around. He checked to see if his fedora was still on his head (it was) before, all of a sudden, he exited out of the room and went to investigate. I was left blinking.
I had seen many sides of the eldest Morgan son in that short space of time. I had seen him quiet. I had seen him thoughtful. I had seen him unsettled. I had seen him driven. I had seen him showing a twinge of excitement. I had seen him showing a twinge of annoyance. I had watched him leave his bedroom. I had seen a whole range of what made Justin truly was. But none of the things he showed me, hinted happiness. And sadly, that was all I wanted him to be.
Because of my concern for the deep purple haired young man and my love for him, I didn't hesitate to pad off his bed and trot along the hall and follow him to where he was heading. I didn't see him at first but I followed the sound of the crying and assumed that he was going in that direction. I was right.
I saw him and I caught up with him at the exact same moment that the sound of nearing wails became mixed with the sound of light and soothing humming. I stayed peeping around the corner and watching from a distance while Justin strutted right over to the door of the nursery. I couldn't stop my heart from feeling an excited twinge. Like I mentioned before, I had seen a lot of Justin that day and in that moment, he showed more of him of how I used to know him. His more confident posture. His gentle and composed expression. His strut. That was the Justin that I had always known and hoped wouldn't change since all of his honesty.
Perhaps I hoped a little hard because I was then left with disappointment in my stomach when his expression went back to unreadable as he didn't hesitate to open the door. Needless to say, the siren-like wail of the infant was even louder once the door was opened and I winced and had to take a step back. I was impressed with Justin for how his expression didn't seem to change. In that moment, I found his unfathomable expression to be admirable rather than confusing.
He poked his head into the room where the orange haired woman was trying to comfort her crying baby and as he spoke to her, he played with the front of his hair, the brim of his hat lifting up in the process. He knew that he had headed along the hall and peeked in that room out of concern but for reasons he didn't know why and I didn't either, he found himself being almost stubborn. A frown creased more so between his eyebrows and he got ready to speak over the baby's cries. But he didn't have a chance to.
As the orange haired female rocked her baby around the room, she wandered in front of the doorway and spotted Justin. Just from seeing her expression and feeling the kindness in her eyes, the teenagers possibly irritated emotions melted away. He couldn't be annoyed. He just couldn't.
Lynne flashed the younger male a genuine smile and spoke softly to him, even though she could barely be heard over the sounds of the cries of her new-born daughter. She continued rocking her, not losing her cool.
"I'm so sorry, is she disturbing your practicing? She's never cried like this before." The orange haired female apologised to her boyfriend's son before looking down at her daughter and it was either her apology or her worried look towards the little girl that made Justin not hesitate to reply to her.
He shook his head, his fedora hat wobbling slightly from being lifted up from his fingers recently running through his deep purple locks.
"I haven't been practicing; I've only just got home. I…" Justin began saying but at that point, he wasn't ready too. Lynne was too busy trying to get Jorgie to stop wailing as loud as she was that she didn't notice but I did. From creeping further around the door way, I noticed his expression flicker with a change of heart.
The eldest Morgan son was about to say that he came to help but he didn't know how to. He shook his head at himself and said a different answer instead. The orange haired female looked up for it. "She sounds like she needs food."
"She wants her Daddy." Lynne responded to James' son quickly but far from rudely, simply telling him the truth. And it was quite obvious that what she was saying was fact from the way that the new-born baby's cries seemed to rev down at the name of the person that she loved so much.
Her eyes had been squeezed tightly as she sobbed but out of the hope that her father had returned, the tiny baby's eyes opened a crack and she tried to crane her wobbly head to see if she could spot this. Lynne, who was vastly in tune with her daughter, of course spotted this right away and smiled at her sadly but didn't say anything.
Justin was a lad who had been in his own world for many years and engulfed in his own problems surprised me by noticing it as well. If it had been a few years ago, he might not have noticed. But he proved to me and everyone that he was moving out of the hardest parts of his life by showing that he was very much present. Even he found himself smiling sympathetically (though his brow was still creased with a slight frown) when Jorgie started crying once again as she realised her Daddy still wasn't there.
"She wants her Daddy." Lynne repeated as she held her daughter further to her chest and tried to nuzzle her nose against her forehead to comfort her. When that didn't seem to make a difference, the often optimistic woman let out a sigh and looked over at Justin almost helplessly. "He had to quickly go with your Mom to the clothing factory. Something about the dye not coming out quite right. I don't know. All I know is that she's woken from her nap and is so confused that he's not here."
Despite how sadly the little baby girl was wailing and how verging on desperate Lynne looked, Justin couldn't help but smirk slightly. Before that moment, he had been keeping his distance on the other side of the door but then he moved a fraction towards the two females. He couldn't help himself. The smirk coming from the younger male made Lynne feel slightly more relaxed in the loud situation but Jorgie didn't feel the same way. But that didn't matter. At least one of them did.
The deep purple haired male casually but also a tad gingerly moved forward and poked the little girl on the cheek, looking at Lynne with understanding eyes. He was showing even more of the Justin I had always known now that he was with other people. He wasn't sure of himself all locked up in his room.
"It's not like she can be left a note to understand where he's gone." Justin told Lynne and continued stroking the little girl's cheek before moving away again in case he made her howls even louder. That was certainly a risk and it would've left a bad case of tinnitus if it became any louder! The eldest Morgan son leaned against the wall and continued, letting out a quiet sigh at the same time as the orange haired female. "Are you sure she can't be distracted by a feed or something? Either that, or she needs another person with long hair."
His words at that particular time caused my brain to start ticking. I tilted my head on one side. But the sound of Jorgie's crying was enough to make myself stop thinking any further. Lynne laughed about hearing the younger male's sentences and he smiled airily when he was met with laughter, just leaning against the wall.
But even though little Jorgie's cries didn't die down, Lynne's laughter did. I knew she had thought of something. Or at least, she was beginning to think of something. And then she definitely thought of something when Justin stopped casually leaning against the wall and carefully stroked the orange haired baby girl's cheek once again.
As he leaned over her to give her a fraction of attention, his long and soft locks brushed over her hand and she didn't hesitate to grab them in her fist. This caused Justin to yelp but only quietly, not wanting to risk the noise of her wails increasing. But they didn't anyway. Magically, they began to quieten down.
They were still loud and they were still very high pitched but they were no longer so frantic. Lynne gasped so herself. She knew why. My head tilted on one side. It took me a few moments to understand why, my brain still rattling from the sound of the crying baby. Thankfully the orange haired female clarified them out loud so I soon understood properly as well.
"Oh, Justin." She began and out of shyness, the deep purple haired male thought that he was doing something wrong to the little infant and moved away from her. Straight away, Lynne's idea was proved correct when Jorgie's cries got even louder when her big half-brothers hair was no longer in her hand. "Will you hold her and give her a cuddle? She'll know you're not her Daddy but you're the next best thing. And did you hear? She stopped being so loud when she held onto your hair."
"She's been loud all along." Justin found himself replying to his dad's girlfriend quickly out of uncertainty and he stayed a few paces away from Lynne and the loudly crying baby that was still in her arms. His hands moved to stuff into his pockets while he looked at her with a frown on his face. He shook his head at her slightly. "She'll know I'm not who she thinks I am. She-"
"She'll know that you're her big brother and love you anyway. Please?" Lynne told her boyfriend's son and asked of him, leaving me instead to focus and ponder on the underlying meaning behind Justin's words. The orange haired female moved closer to him with the crying baby, not offering her to him just yet and trying to persuade him with genuineness. Her ocean blue orbs met his flickering green once that were laced with blue. "Please? She clearly doesn't want me right now and I know that she'll want you."
For some reason, I found myself holding my breath. I didn't know if it was from pondering Justin's previous words and how they sounded like he thought Jorgie would be disappointed with who he truly was as a person. It was either that or it was because I heard the desperation in Lynne's voice.
She could have been potentially trying to soothe a crying baby for hours. Motherhood was hard; I had seen the ups and downs of it many times with my own eyes. It was hard. It was so hard. And if there was some way to make it easier then I knew that I would do it. And I knew that Justin would too. Or at least, I hoped he would. And I was shown that I was right to count on him.
Even though he was hesitant and unsure for whatever reason that was going around his head, after a few moments of looking almost panic stricken, he finally nodded his head and gingerly held his hands out for Lynne to put Jorgie in his arms. But she wanted verbal consent and Justin knew this. So he gave it to her. He contradicted it with his unsure words while wriggling his fingers to encourage her to hand over the baby. He licked his lips shyly.
"I've only ever had a twin sister. And it's been ages since I've done this to Jaxon, even though I probably could with how small he ended up." Justin said humorously and after Lynne laughed quietly over the sound of Jorgie's upset wails, the little baby was placed in his arms. He swallowed and his eyes flickered as he was assisted in holding her properly and safely. Soon enough, his eyes didn't leave the little baby that he was holding onto as he commented. "She's so warm. She's really got herself into a little state."
"That's what happens when you love someone." Lynne responded back and wriggled her own fingers when her arms were no longer occupied with Jorgie but for once, Justin was no longer listening. He breathed out and after a few minutes of staring unsurely down at his little half sister, he moved to sit down with her, still holding onto her.
He had been so unsure at first. He was still unsure. But he was doing it. From remaining peeping round the corner, even though my mouth was quirked into a slight smile, my mind was confused. Jorgie had been round for over a month so that meant it had been many, many weeks since she was born. And somehow, Justin was still ginger around her. He wasn't sure. I wondered why.
I hoped that it wasn't because she didn't have the exact same genes as him. I knew it would have been understandable if he felt that way but I still would have felt disappointed in him. But luckily, he didn't feel that way. And because I continued watching instead of sneaking of to his clothes pile once again, I stuck around and heard all of the answers I was waiting for.
At first, Jorgie continued crying and wailing while being in her big brother's arms but Justin went along with what Lynne had pointed out about her. He took hold of a chunk of his own hair and dangled it over her hand so she could feel it and grab hold of it. He could have chosen to brush it over her face and then she would have scrunched her little nose up and sneeze. That would've been adorable. But he did that to her hand instead. And soon enough, she held a whole handful of his deep purple locks in her tiny fist. Lynne found herself relaxing a fraction, enjoying the noises from her daughter beginning to die down at last.
Justin continued looking down at his little and he found himself saying. He tried to keep it in at first but after he noticed her green orbs squinting and then focusing deep into his, he couldn't help beginning to speak. He swallowed almost a lump in his throat as he did so. He shook his head.
"She has the biggest little eyes. It's like she knows everything about everyone. It's like she knows me. It's like she really knows me." Justin said thoughtfully and I realised that, luckily for him, Lynne was (most of the time) the type of person who took people's words as just words, rather than searching for the underlying message in them.
She simply nodded her head and smiled, taking the time of her daughter being occupied to take her hair down from her side plait and redo it once again. She watched as Jorgie continued holding a fistful of her brother's hair while he held her tenderly yet clumsily.
"That's because she does." The orange haired female responded to Justin and when his lovely coloured eyes flickered slightly with uncertainty, Lynne scrunched her nose up and smiled fondly over at the younger male. She really was reminded of Justin's father. And no wonder. "She knows who you are, Justin. Even if you didn't spend loads of time around me when I was pregnant with her, she knows you. She knows how you sound, she knows your voice. She-"
Lynne's words weren't meant to make Justin feel bad – at all – but they had this exact effect on him. Out of the blue he winced with guilt while holding Jorgie and he shook his head at himself so prominently that the little girl hiccupped slightly when his hair was taken briefly out of his hold.
Justin breathed out, taking his fedora off his head and running his hand through the top of his hair while his little sister held onto the rest. His shoulders slumped like they had been when he was in his bedroom.
"I'm so sorry about that, I really am." The deep purple haired male began and because Lynne hadn't meant them in a negative way, she didn't understand why he was apologising. But still, she listened. Of course she did. She listened to Justin while he shuffled and held Jorgie closer to his slim body. His eyes flickered with thoughtfulness and memories of how he had previously felt. "I'm sorry that I wasn't my happiest when you were pregnant. I was trying to be but I… I…"
"You already were trying to figure out who you were and you didn't have enough space in your head to process that your Dad was having baby with another woman." Lynne interrupted Justin and she showed no big headedness in knowing that she was right before the eldest Morgan son even nodded to agree with her words. He soon did and she soon slid on the arm of the chair to be next to him. She didn't touch him with her hand but she made him feel reassured with her words. "I understood, Justin. I understood. And you never have to say sorry for how you feel or felt. You-"
"But I do, don't I? I do, Lynne. What a silly thing to get so het up about. There are so many other things to get upset about. There's things that you went through and were probably stronger than me. I wasted a lot of time. I wasted your whole pregnancy. And we'll never get that back, will we?"
Lynne didn't hesitate to shrug and shake her head and part of me wished that she didn't. I was seeing the look in Justin's eyes. I was seeing the look on Justin's face. He was so close to being a man. As far as his age went, he technically was a man. But at the same time, he was on that cusp of one second looking so much the child and the next most definitely being a grown up.
But when he asked Lynne that last question, it was very child-like. And it was like a part of him that was wishing he could hear a different answer, even though he knew that was impossible. I wished that Lynne hadn't shaken her head. But she made up for it with the words she said to him.
That time, she did touch him. She rested her hand lightly on his shoulder while Jorgie shut her eyes and held his hair in her hand. He was held onto by both the Morgan-Williams girls and he was showered by their love.
"You know what? We won't get that back. But even better times are here now. And there will be even more of those ahead. You can beat yourself up about not reacting in the ideal way to realising who you are but there is someone who is going to have to accept who they are too. Jorgie. When she's older, she's going to realise that she's half angel and half human. And she's going to have to understand that. But she's going to have the best person around to help her do it in the best way. You."
I breathed out. I hadn't thought of it like that and it was evident by Justin's face that he hadn't thought about it either. He had never assumed that he could be an ambassador and help with the next person and their self-identity problems. He had never thought that he'd want to do such a thing.
But when he looked down at little Jorgie beginning to drift off into a slumber in his arms, he knew that he wanted nothing more. He knew that he wanted to save her from some of the confusion that he went through. He knew that he wanted to be there for her, like how he wished people would have been there for him, even if he didn't let them in. He wanted her to have a whole different experience than he had had. And he knew that he couldn't promise that and he couldn't guarantee that, but he could be there for her every step of the way. And that was something. In fact, that was everything.
Justin seemed to have little tears flickering in his eyes when he thought of all this and he found himself being very thoughtful as he stroked his half-sister's nose gently. Lynne was enjoying the quietness of the room and she was also enjoying how she felt that Justin was about to open up to her even more. And I enjoyed that just as much. I stuck around to listen to that too.
The deep purple haired Morgan shook his head at himself – but lightly and airily – and came out with something that had been on his mind; perhaps since the day that little Jorgie had been born. He moved his finger into her other fist so she could hold that was well as still holding onto his hair.
"Sometimes I worry. I worry that because of me being distant during your pregnancy that she doesn't know me as well as she could. And at the same time, I worry that she knows me too much. I worry that she's got me figured out and parts of me figured out that even I don't know. But I guess that's unimportant, isn't it? What's important is right now. What's important is me holding her and getting to know her. Isn't that right?"
Lynne nodded her head and nudged Justin with her shoulder to give him even more confidence in his words. Justin nodded back but focused on little Jorgie, making up for lost time. I thought that it was going to end there. But it carried on. In the most wonderful way, it carried on.
Part of me assumed that Justin was the deeper one out of him and Lynne. After all, he was a musician and he wrote songs and he played guitar and had a very thoughtful face. But Lynne was that way too. And it was very wrong to put them against each other. She had pearls of wisdom as well. And she showed them that day. She showed them by the way she looked lovingly between Jorgie and Justin, focusing on both of the Morgan children. She smiled.
"Jorgie will never know you too much or too little, Justin. The only thing that she might feel too much of, is love. She will love you too much. She will love you too much; Justin but she will never love you any less. She could never love you any less. She is happy right now in your arms, not because you are her father's son but because you are you. She is happy to be near you. She wants to get to know you. She wants to love you. And I feel the exact same way as my daughter."
There was nothing much else that could be said in response to Lynne's words that had the same amount of heart in them so Justin just gave the orange haired female a grateful smile and an appreciative side hug. He appreciated her words, he really did. More than Lynne realised, in fact.
She knew that he had listened to them; she had felt the hug that he had given her following them, after all. But they played on his mind. They played on his mind seconds after she said them. Minutes too. Hours as well. In fact, they were exactly what were needed for Justin to move on for good.
After coming out to the world, he had almost gone back to feeling some of the emotions that he had felt while being hidden from the world. Confused. Isolated. Alone. It was such a big deal to him but the fact that it had happened alongside the birth of his little half-sister made it feel much smaller. For good. For bad. I didn't know. He didn't know. But it didn't matter. Because he had moved forward from that.
He knew he was accepted. He knew he was loved. People loved him because he was him. Not because who he loved. Not because of his long hair. Not because of his hat. Not because of his guitar. Because he was wholly him. People loved Justin because he was wholly him. And Jorgie felt the exact same way. In fact, she loved him so wholly that she decided to be very much like him. Half-ly. You'll see. You'll hear about that tale one day. You will see.
The End.
There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :3 I think this chapter is an important one because it shows the things that Justin faces even when things are "meant" to be easier for him. A lot of his feelings probably weren't to do with identity really and all stemmed from processing his Father x Lynne and it manifested itself in that way. Of course, he still had anxieties about coming out as well. I've never written him as a teenager with a baby before so this was sweet for me to write. I really like writing him as a person, all of his struggles aside. The end hints a bit of an Easter egg for Jorgie's character when she's older and what kind of person she will end up. That's all I'm going to say. I'll leave it there. And one day, it'll probably be written about :P Thanks again and I will be back next Wednesday so see you then!
AmyBieberKetchum signing out :P