Hello! It is Wednesday and I am back with a new chapter, one that is vastly different and a lot heavier than the previous one. Although this one too tackles the subject of a break up, it's just of a whole other world with regards to pain and what one shouldn't do, and how someone should behave! Naturally, I do not agree with Eli's behaviour here in this chapter that sees Jordan dealing with the aftermath of the split between Eli and Justin, but it is what it is. It is their tale. I hope you enjoy, messiness and all! :D
Disclaimer: I own the story and the OCs mentioned.
An orange glow streamed in through the windows as Jordan arose from sleep, making his way from his bedroom to the main living area. Morning in Unova was breaking. And the yellow haired male didn't want to miss a single second of the sights as he intended to watch the world wake up.
However, just as his body adjusted to moving and his fingers fell away from his eyes after rubbing them, the quiet tapping noise coming from the corner of the main living area of the apartment told him that he wasn't the only person who was refraining from sleep.
His hand having only just occupied its touch with rubbing a sleepy diamond from the corner of an eye, it then wandered to the ball of his own shoulder, squeezing and massaging it. He didn't bother to comment on the fact that he was not alone before he took strides over to where the sun streams were streaking in.
"You're awake already?" Jordan asked, the entirety of his arm stretching over his shoulder and towards his bare back to loosen that too. His cousin should've been deep in thought. He should have been oblivious to company. Whether he was or he wasn't, from tapping on his computer keyboard in the corner of the room, he let out an 'mmm' noise in response. "Don't you usually rise later in the day?
Jordan couldn't help but ask Eli. A pause. A pause where the shorter and slighter male's finger hovered over the backspace letter on his keyboard. In the same instance, the other male in the Unovan apartment's touch hovered over the nape of his own neck.
And then, that same 'mmm' noise repeated itself. Apparently that was all Jordan was going to receive from Eli before eight in the morning on that particular day. And that had to be okay with him.
Pressing his lips together and showing off a nonchalant smile, Jordan did indeed take it in his stride as he finally took those steps towards the apartment windows to properly admire the view. Tapping sounds from a keyboard resumed and became a soft soundtrack for his inward musings. And his appreciation too.
As soon as Jordan woke to sunlight streaking across his face like a superhero's eye mask, even with his curtains of his bedroom drawn, he knew that it was going to be a magnificent start to the day. And when he was actually present and able to admire it with his hands on his hips and through the large square glass of the windows looking over Castelia City, he was far from disappointed.
Halted breath in his throat, the corner of Jordan's mouth quirked upwards. He had seen many a sunrise in his life and though a great deal of them was no longer from the heavens above, it still put a pang in his heart for how much things had changed. How much things had developed.
The world was silent. The world was waking up. It was just him and his thoughts. And a past version of him would have been so astounded by the fact that he was perfectly able to be silent with his own thoughts.
Nevertheless, he still had that inclination to combat the stillness with words, even if it was out of light-heartedness rather than a great distraction. His hips glad in a grey pair of bed shorts felt the remaining grip of his forefinger and thumb while his head turned back in the direction of his cousin once more, his eyes remained fixed on the orange beam acting as a spotlight for the world below.
"What's got you awake so early?" Jordan wondered and Eli heard. In hindsight after hearing this tale, I gather that another 'mmm' noise would have been expected for him – even if it was out of place. And a sigh escaping from his lips most certainly would have been a plausible guess.
Neither of these things happened though. While his tapping on his computer keyboard halted once again and his own forefinger hovered over just one key of his in particular, Eli didn't answer in any way for a good couple of moments.
But eventually he did, shuffling ever so slightly forward in his seat in order to reach forward and click the other, smaller screen next to his main one into life. His words lurched into action at the same time that his second monitor did.
"Something on the news." replied Eli. In a great many instances, he would've thought this vague answer would suffice simply because it did for him as well. But maybe the way that Jordan's fingers and his hips didn't end their union and he continued focusing a good chunk of his attention on the outside world benefitted them both. "I don't believe things are quite as they seem."
The other male was encouraged to add, his bottom leaning more forward in his chair than before as he typed in his password to the second monitor. None of these words were out of the ordinary for the Unovan male with the inquisitive orbs and the occasionally quite austere look.
Things not being quite as they seemed? Of course they weren't. Eli could find a pattern of that in just about anything.
Jordan's head bobbed. His digits on his hip bones twitched before reluctantly saying a farewell and falling down towards the ground. Although the yellow haired male nodded, he was continually transfixed with watching the way the sun burst through the clouds in the Unovan sky and washed over the city below like a car windscreen wiper.
He managed to tear himself away from the sights just enough, however, to give his cousin even more of the time of day. After all, he was actually replying to him, wasn't he? The least he could do was act intrigued by something that often filled Eli's mind with curiosity.
"What kind of something?" Jordan inquired, at last showing the full ability of his hips by swinging them around along with his torso, looking over his shoulder at his cousin. The admirable and awe filled corner mouth quirk of his had been replaced with a grin.
But Jordan that time actually was met with a silence from Eli. It was one that only lasted just one ticking sound from the clock hanging on the wall. But it was a wordless silence nonetheless.
Another attention-seeking chime from the clock on the wall. Eli thought of a reply and so he spoke of it.
"Something in the subway." He responded. I can imagine that even the deep violet haired male himself could have caught on to how suspicious his resuming typing noises could be perceived there and then but he allowed them to sound anyway.
Eli was correct. Jordan's eye threatened to twitch just a fraction. It wasn't rare for his cousin's voice to come out as level as the tracks of the train station that he had only just been talking about - of course it wasn't. But even he couldn't help but feel like that was a boring reason to wake up early for, even if it meant doing a little researching and a little digging.
But thankfully for the shorter of the two, Jordan was distracted by nature's glory once more. And that time he actually went right close to the glass of the windows, so much so that his body was nearing pressed up right against it as he admired the view.
This time around he wasn't filling his eyesight with just the spectacular sunlight display anymore. His pupils surrounded by a sea green hue darted from left to right as he looked at all the other buildings surrounding their own looming block of apartments, the corner of his mouth being tugged up all over again.
The surprising welcoming temperature of the late September morning was contrasted greatly by the chilling feeling coming from the window as it brushed right near to Jordan's body, let alone when his palm actually stretched out and felt it for good.
Eli must've thought his cousin was mad. But at least he was distracted enough to let him continue his morning behaviour in peace. Or so he thought.
His hand didn't remain like a child's palm pressing on the glass of a fish tank for much longer and it suddenly was used to point.
"You're missing beauty over here, Eli!" announced Jordan. The way his lips didn't move and his body didn't alter a single centimetre spoke the words 'I doubt it' far more than his mind uttering it in his own head. All he wanted was to crack on. He didn't mind the company at all. He just wished that the company was less enthusiastic – and quieter! "I insist."
Insist on what?
When Eli inside his own mind told himself to be a little more patient and showed his cousin this by glancing in his direction more than his dual screens that he'd much rather be focusing on, what was being insisted on couldn't be denied.
Once more, Jordan's body was turned in the direction of that dark corner of the room that hadn't been hit by sunlight as of yet. And as his demeanour craned, his fingers jigged and twitched and spoke so his tongue didn't have to.
Eli could not stop the exhalation of breath that escaped from his nose. Yet with a creaking movement from his chair against the wood of the floor, he gave into the other male's insistence and came to join him by his side.
Even so, the slow pace of his shuffling as well as the black hoodie veil surrounding him – and his hands stuffing into the front pockets of that same hoodie too – spoke volumes of how much he was only doing it for Jordan and Jordan alone.
Without him there, he would have stayed in that corner for most of the day and praying for the sunlight streaming in through the window not to catch up with him for a single second.
"What a radiant region that you call home." Jordan's voice could be heard by Eli once again. It was hard to know if it should have been the other man to feel tickled by the compliment or that particular part in the Pokémon World instead. Either way, Eli's expression did not move an inch. "You picked an apartment with a good view."
The Unovan male finally reached the other male's side even though he had since moved back so he wasn't so quite pressed up against the glass. His hands fixed in his black hoodie front pocket and secretly clasping together in there, he couldn't help but feel the company of the cigarette packet that also sought refuge in there.
Eli tried not to think about how much he would've liked to have a smoke if his cousin was going to continue talking so early in the morning. Instead, he let out a response to his words. He had started to look over and up at his cousin, his right eye creasing in the corner only just.
"Don't get used to it." He practically grumbled.
Though Eli stopped looking at his cousin in that moment, Jordan's glance fell down to be looking at him. His words made it seem like he was going to shove him or something, preventing him from looking down onto the world any further but this was not the case.
Jordan knew what it meant. Ignoring the shorter male's words and his stance entirely, he decided to look back at the world down below and across all over, whether it was one of the last few times or not.
Somehow, he was able to appear completely unfazed. And it was as though he was a plant growing with strong roots, becoming all the more energized the more that clouds disappeared for good and the main thing in the sky was the morning sun.
"Pity." Was all Jordan said in response to his cousin's words. And then his mouth widened to himself, surrounded by an entire room full of orange as the sun low in the sky continued to glow and with the wearing all-black specter of Eli lingering by his side. It was his turn to actually get shoved a meter or so to the right when Jordan's arm rose another time. "Is that the music label offices over there? The building with the sunlight just spiking the top of it?"
He pointed. Eli's nails dug into the pads of his fingers only for himself to know. Only for himself to feel. And then he didn't feel it at all, already used to the jabbing feeling in the tops of his fingers.
His chest moved outwards as his lungs filled with air but then he didn't dissipate a single fraction of it, deciding instead of keep it within his body. No other muscles of Eli's moved.
It wasn't out of the ordinary for the two of them to be the complete opposites of each other. A booming and an enthusiastic yellow haired male and a deep violet haired one who reserved speaking only for special occasions. And then on the flip side, a sunken eyed yellow haired male and a deep violet haired one's whose limbs came alive as he expressed himself.
On that day, though, there was one person with a zest for life, pointing and observing, and another who looked like he very much wanted to go back to bed. Yet he did not dare. They could not be more different from each other.
At last, one of Eli's hands slid out from the pocket of his own hoodie long enough to crane and pretend to look. But he didn't look remotely interested in what Jordan was seeing from the window of the apartment right at the very top of the blocks.
"I wouldn't know." Eli's train track voice sounded. "Why would I bother looking out of windows towards the world when most things to be seen out there are walking fictions of themselves?"
If I had actually been there on that day then I am certain that Jordan and I would have shared a look. In real time, his neck twitched like he was preparing to look at someone other than his cousin.
He had to move past the words that he heard another time. Managing to forgo any reactions that might've longed to decorate and be articulated on his face, he lurched forward for the second time that morning and soon enough Jordan felt coldness hitting his palm.
"It definitely is." Jordan insisted even though he had tried to act like Eli had ignored him entirely instead of replying. Sometimes that was the best way to deal with him. It weeded out the thoughts that he needed to escape from his mouth via the tip of his tongue. "That's where the action is, not on your computer screen and not from stories about trains." A pause. Eli's sunken gaze filled with Jordan again. "I'm sure you could do a lot of digging over there."
Jordan's hand fell away from the icy shield of the glass and his finger formed a pointing shape. Eli's eyes longed to roll in their hollow sockets as they took in the face of his cousin, his hands clasping together in the pockets of his hoodie once more. But then something prevented him from being unable to look at where the other male was focusing so.
He corner of his mouth puckering together ever so slightly so the smallest crater could be seen, he too filled his vision with the building where the sun was only just dancing across the rooftop of it, almost kissing where nature and man-made met.
Eli's usually inquisitive yet sunken orbs squeezed together and became near enough slits. It was hard to know at first whether he was wholeheartedly focused there or he was becoming even more dissatisfied.
But then as Jordan himself stopped being able to focus as much and he could sense the stance of his cousin and most if not all of his alterations in body language from the blurry peripheral vision around him, it became clear.
Eli finally shook his head and then for good, he intended to walk away and get back to what he deemed far more important.
"Why would I focus on that? They look like ants from here." His words paused. Jordan turned around and craned and watched his cousin turning on his own heel. Eli's fingers were clasping around the half empty packet of cigarettes in his pocket rather than each other at that point. "And everyone in that building has talent the size of those creatures too."
A nod of the head did not need to come from Eli. Even without it, the finality of his words rung out so he barely even needed punctuation. He shuffled back to his seat in front of the computer, a good chunk of his face still concealed by the hoodie that veiled him.
All Jordan could do was laugh. And so he did exactly this. It wasn't new for him for his cousin to be cranky so early in the morning. In fact, it brought him back to when they were children and Eli stayed over at his family's rickety abode – and from the way that he complained from the minute that he opened his eyes was as though he had been the one who had to sleep on the floor.
"I think it's breakfast time." Jordan announced to try and disperse any of his cousin's previous attitudes for good, stepping away from the window and the wonderful view one last time, his fingers occupying themselves by tracing the skin of his own chest. "What can I get you?"
It took until the yellow haired male had actually entered the kitchenette of the apartment living area for Eli to actually say anything. His screen had started to glow a lot dimmer and because he was directly behind him at that point with some cupboards and a counter top between them, Jordan could see the light of his eyes bouncing off the reflection of the monitor before he even came up with words.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Type. Type. Type.
Eli's eyes darted, Jordan could see that much on his screen and not much else. Then his reply came.
"I'm not hungry." He told him. The backspace bar of his computer keyboard sounded a great many times as it was pressed over and over again. And then like his mind was backtracking, figuring that he once again owed his cousin a little more patience following his previous morning attitude, he made the small effort to add. "Help yourself to anything though."
Jordan's lips curved up in contrast to the way that Eli's voice didn't elevate nor decline in tone once. Nevertheless, he recognised that little bit of effort on his part. And potentially appreciated it even more from how naturally unnatural it came out and from the way that he didn't meet his eyes once.
The man with hair that could give the rising sun a run for its money was encouraged to show the same amount of care. After reaching for a glass and pouring himself a glass of tap water to wet his whistle before actually cracking on with making breakfast, he made a point of asking.
"How long have you been awake?" Jordan questioned, pausing to take a good few mouthfuls of water and then the glass fell down to the counter, immediately making water marks where the bottom of the glass and the service met.
Bounce.
Eli's eyes swung off the screen all over again. And that time as he typed, he somehow was able to do it without a single sound. Perhaps the insinuations between Jordan and his cousin did all the speaking of volumes so that sounds from his keys didn't have to at all.
The male with hair the depth of night time considered, his chin pouching as he did so. But he didn't exactly need to ponder for too much time based on the answer that came.
"Long enough." He replied. A pause. A drawn out one and one that caused Jordan to need to lift the glass up and towards his lips all over again simply for something to do. The water ring mark from the bottom of glass was revealed as well as the connection between the two cousins. "I'll eat when I feel like it."
Eli knew what Jordan was doing. He wasn't an idiot. He had given him the benefit of the doubt when he had invited himself to come and stay in that empty Unovan apartment to give his cousin company that he wouldn't go overboard with watching him.
But it had happened. It had started to happen. Slowly. He hadn't taken notice of it at first. His desk had just grown a little tidier. Towels were already waiting for him when he had gone in the bathroom to shower.
Now it could not be missed. It had become like footsteps on the sand during a sunny beach day and no matter what, his observations could not be washed away like the shoreline licking at the dents in the sand. What was next? Asking him how many hours of sleep he had gotten?
I'm sure that it was for the best that Jordan decided not to reply with words to his cousin's response. Although like the corner of his mouth had been caught by a fisherman's line and was being tugged upwards, for most of the part he made himself crack on with feeding himself. And this made it so that (after a sigh to himself) Eli cracked on with his morning routine as well.
It wasn't the easiest thing for Jordan to root around in his cupboards and figure out what to make himself and not only because there was barely more than a morsel in each of them combined to eat. He used both of his hands to open the cupboard directly above the microwave. He didn't dare tilt his head in the direction of Eli and ponder.
He wasn't a fool either. He knew the last thing in the world he should have done was offer his cousin cereal for breakfast. But after looking in a couple of the other cupboards, he feared that he would have little to no choice.
However, when he squatted down and opened the cupboard closest to where he had been standing initially, he found a couple of things that would be able to go with the last few slices of bread he had found previously.
So, apparently Eli still lived off food that didn't go off so quickly. That made sense to him because he had always been like that. He thought that he had changed that sort of behavior in recent months. Jordan was stood corrected.
Maybe it was saved for special occasions. Really special occasions.
He tried not to think too much of this as he went over to the fridge and managed to find himself a last smidgen of butter and some fruit too.
The truth was, Jordan didn't like to think too much with the things Eli was going through because it was as though he was reaching his hand in through a gap in the top of his skull and pulling out thoughts and memories that were secret.
If he wanted to share them, he would. If he wanted someone to probe, he would make it clear. If he needed someone to dissect then he would encourage.
All he expected was someone to be there. Not that he had after explicitly asked, of course. It was just simply a very silent, wordless agreement that they both very much agreed on.
Although Jordan tried to keep his mind away from the little (and not so little) things that occupied his cousin's mind on a day to day basis during that time of his life, he could not stop his own eyes wandering to where the windows of his soul were continuously refracting off his computer monitor as he typed with his keyboard and clicked with his mouse, pausing to think for a couple of seconds before continuing again.
Why did that sort of thing interest him so much? Jordan just had to wonder. He almost could understand it back in the past when he needed to know things and he felt like not only it benefited his mind but his core being too.
But subway gossip? Conspiracy theories? What companies were really doing with their money? It seemed like unnecessary information going into his brain at times. But then he supposed that was it, wasn't it?
Any information going in his mind and having to process that rather than the things that really mattered – and matters of the heart – was more important to him there and then and in that moment. It was his dam. It was stopping the flow of the river that was the chaos and the intensity and everything that had been.
Everybody had their coping mechanism. Sometimes Jordan hated that a rare favorite person on earth of his needed one too. But he had to let him be. Another of their unspoken rules towards each other.
Breakfast was finally made about ten minutes or so later. Managing to get creative and piece together pantry items and odd bits and bobs, Jordan ended up making quite the wholesome meal for himself. And thankfully he put these old skills of his to practice without memories of the past creeping up on him too much, although they did nip at the nape of his neck a bit.
This managed to disappear with a slight slapping motion on his skin, though. And then he carried his breakfast on a plate over to the bar stool area of the counter and the kitchenette. And before he did this he of course carried a plateful over to his cousin still lingering in front of his computer and seemingly hard at work.
Eli jumped just a little bit when he was in close proximity with another human being all over and his shoulders in his black hoodie leapt. Wide, almost saucer-like eyes fell away from the computer screen at last and they locked onto the appearance of his cousin before they followed his every move, watching the plate be placed on the plastic of the desk that actually resembled wood.
"Breakfast." Was what Jordan spoke to him as he rid himself of holding the extra plate and then he took his own one to eat. Eli's eyes left the pile of food on the plate as well as the plate itself and wandered back to his cousin, observing him as he seated himself.
His nonchalance was unnerving. His nonchalance filled a sensation in the pit of his empty stomach. Unblinking, he didn't look away from him. And he didn't look away from him until he saw Jordan tucking into his own food, curiosity rather than hunger getting the better of him as he simply wondered what on earth could have been put together from the food that he knew was scarce in his apartment.
Eli for the first time since waking up stopped being so darkly concealed. With one hand in a swift motion, he pushed the black hoodie hood away from his face and no sooner had that one left his features; his other hand was in his hair, lightly fluffing it gently.
Then, both hands were occupied with picking up the food that had been on the plate in front of him. It was square and large and needed both hands as Eli peered into the contents. For once, those studious eyes could not for the life of him figure out what was actually in front of him. He managed to hold back a grimace in order to not seem rude whether he was being looked at or not. And he continued staring.
He eventually managed to single out some sort of brown sticky paste as well as a more syrupy one on top of it. Eli cautiously reached out a finger that was the main one he used for typing on keyboards and touch screens. He couldn't hide the scrunched up appearance of his nose and corners of his eyes that time!
Something that was in between the two pieces of white bread was very squidgy. And let off a rather ripe smell even without the other two ingredients.
It all fell back to the plate with a slap.
"What is it?" Eli just had to ask, swiveling his whole chair on wheels around to face his cousin rather than coyly turning his torso round or even just his face. As soon as his vision was filled with the being of the person that he trusted the most rather than the unknown food pile, he saw that the one identical to his was already halfway devoured.
Jordan returned a look back at his cousin. And as he filled his own eyesight with him, he took another slurp of water in between eating. He looked over at Eli like a mother trying to guide their child in life, wanting to look at them to see what progress they made but also darting their eyes away because they didn't want to blow the fact that progress had indeed been made.
A casual swallow tried to happen. Jordan's remainder of his own sandwich stayed in his hands, his fingers sticky from a good percentage of the ingredients.
"Breakfast." He replied. His own countenance of playing hard to get potentially went a little too far at this and the way that Eli's naturally saucer eyes threatened to diminish inside. A haphazard wave of the sticky hand from Jordan. He elaborated. "Bread. Peanut butter. Honey. Banana." It didn't look as though he was going to say many more words at all before saliva filled his own mouth, finishing the interaction. "I put everythin' in there that I could find."
At complete opposite points yet again, Jordan bit his near enough drooling mouth onto the last half of his sandwich at the same time that Eli could not stop his expression all over. In spite of the absolute – for lack of a better word – disdain – he still had an inclination to pick his portion of the food up all over again and get another look of it.
His continual expression said it all as he studied! Though he didn't need to say actual words, he did anyway.
"That's not breakfast. That's a questionable dessert slapped between two slices of bread." He insisted. The slapping noise of the sandwich back onto the plate all over again acted as the punctuation. Eli reached for some hand sanitizer wipes to freshen up his fingers before he could go back to what he really wanted to be doing rather than eating for another time. "I said I wasn't hungry."
This was him trying to be reasonable as well as polite. This was him telling Jordan ahead of time that he wasn't going to ingest a single mouthful of that sandwich even though he did appreciate the gesture of it being made.
However, all the years of them knowing each other didn't help matters in that moment. Jordan couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes as the last of his own food disappeared for good and it wasn't just simply down to the words that he had hard.
Pushing his own plate away from him, he wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin before that white thing balled up joined the remaining crumbs on the counter top.
"Well then eat the fruit." He told him, his arm stretching out across the surface to feel the cool glass of his water pressing against his palm, even though there was only an inch or so liquid of it left.
Their dynamic truly did become like a mother and child then when, after hearing the reply that Jordan had for him, Eli pushed his own plate away closer to his computer screen rather than his own body.
His eyes fell down towards the sandwich. And then they fixed back on the monitor, allowing Jordan to see the shape of them reflecting there if he properly looked over towards the other male.
"It's covered in the other stuff. I'm not a fan." His reply came. He didn't try to come across as though he was wondering why the hell he had been made such an abomination to eat. He didn't try to come across moody either.
It didn't matter that Eli didn't try to do these things. Jordan's eyebrows began to draw together as he perched in his own seat, at the bar area a couple of metres away from his cousin. The balled up napkin was back in between his fists once again for something to do.
A pause. A withheld sigh. And then a response. From Jordan.
"Well then eat the bread." His words changed but with the same intention. That balled up napkin felt very small and soiled in between his fingers but it did not leave. His gaze did not leave the plate that was empty other than a few untouched crumbs either.
Jordan's feet managing not to tap close to the floor, Eli's voice sounded all over again, as low and unfaltering as ever. It seemed as though he always had an answer for everything. I suppose that was expected for someone who filled their mind with information so much.
Silence. That time Eli was the initiator. His lips pursed together as his eyes dropped to the full plate.
"It's covered with the other stuff too. And the banana." He replied. He was just about to look over at his cousin. His eye line was just about to stop being filled with the sight of the pale bread filled with all kinds of ingredients when Jordan suddenly snapped.
His snapping did not come in a fit of rage. Nor did it come in a boisterous and scene commanding way. It just plainly suddenly happened.
To make a bit of a point, the balled up napkin flew out from his fingers and towards the plate a second time. Though he forced his mouth to smirk and his voice to boom in a humorous way, there was an underlying quality of very real frustration.
"Well then starve!" he purposely made himself snap and look over at his deep violet haired cousin.
Needless to say, this cousin of his jumped and nothing other than the sight and sound of Jordan got his attention. His eyes followed each and every one of his moves there and then. With a silence causing his tongue to rest on the roof of his mouth and his mouth to become a firm line, he saw the yellow haired male stand up from his seat and brush remaining crumbs and litter in the bin and place his empty glass in his sink.
And then he looked away, back at his computer screen which he intended to be for good. Just before he did this, Jordan caught the look that he didn't mean to share right before he was made to see the back of his neck and the closely shaven part of his hair.
Eli bit and sucked on his own bottom lip before that gesture travelled to his top one. Just a few of his eyelashes seemed to twitch. He didn't know what to say. So he chose to say nothing. He didn't know what to do. So he chose to do as he was told. Then again, he was going to do that anyway.
There was a silence of mouth and a silence of action in the next few minutes as Jordan seated himself once again and wordlessly perched on the bar stool another time. And though his cousin was doing a really good job in not looking at him, the same could not be said for the yellow haired male.
What he had decided to explode with had been a joke. It had been nothing but a joke and a showing of exasperation to everything that was being displayed to him. But the more that he thought about it, the more that he told himself that it was unhelpful and the yellow of his locks in the orange glow of the morning felt the touch of fingers that needed comforting.
He knew that when he offered his company to his cousin in Unova that it wasn't exactly going to be the fun and boy-like holidays that they had taken together in recent years. The major life events he had just faced were of course going to take its toll. And he was going to be encouraged to act as the nurturer of the two, like he had always done for him all of those times when he didn't feel safe within himself.
Jordan would've been completely happy and honored to fulfill that role normally. He would've normally risen to that duty and expected nothing in return. But to tell you the truth, he didn't always like what he saw. He didn't like what he came up against.
Grumpiness in the morning was one thing. But it could last an entire day. And as for his eating – or lack of it – that could last even longer. It was strange not to see his cousin with that lanky framed shadow of his that had been joined to his hip for the past month. And it was somehow even worse to see the aftermath of his cousin without him entirely.
It was as though their appearances had merged together and Eli's cheekbones had become as hollow as his former boyfriend's naturally were. His arms were longer than what Jordan remembered. Thinner around the elbow too. And what used to be a brown skinned complexion was growing paler the more that time passed.
It normally could've been a romantic notion to see two souls – two bodies become one due to their absolute unfaltering closeness. However, in the face of heartbreak, it was agonizing. And it wasn't exactly something that someone wanted to see.
"You should think about heading home in the next day or so, Jordan." Eli suddenly broke his cousin's moment to think to himself. In truth, everything rattling around his brain was giving him a dull ache like his usual distractions often did so it was a bit of a relief to step away from it. Yet he was surprised to be spoken to at first. "I can't take you away from your wife for too long."
Eli had stopped being so transfixed on his computer screens and he slowly turned back around in his chair once more. Though they couldn't be seen, his digits were concealed in the joint front pocket of his hoodie, and resting on his lap.
Jordan was encouraged to come back to reality and away from thoughts. He assumed that after his well-intentioned booming words, that was the last thing that was going to be spoken between them for the rest of the morning, let alone rest of the day, and this could be seen clearly written on his face.
It took his gestures a minute or so to catch up. So much so that Eli added, his toes dancing invisibly in his socks as he managed to utter these words.
"You must miss her." He said. It was a credit to his strength and his stoic abilities that his tone did not falter when he uttered these words, nor did a single one of his eyelashes twitch.
It's true that he was blessed and sometimes haunted by the ability to offer the most lingering eye contact in the world but it was still a surprise that he manage to lock onto the orbs of his cousin there and then in that moment.
Jordan stopped. Jordan processed this. Silently.
He knew the gravity of his words. He knew it wholeheartedly. He inwardly pleaded that this knowing would not be shown for a single second on his face. The last thing he wanted or needed was for Eli to have an explosion of his own. No doubt would it be far more tumultuous. And take a very long time to come back down from.
Perhaps his cousin's response was not going to be for the best. Maybe it was going to be the worst.
But although he tried to stop his features for revealing all, his words could not stop from being truthful for him and potentially holding up a mirror right in front of the face of Eli.
"Well…" Jordan began, finally acknowledging the words that he been said to him and stopping drawing swirling patterns in the crumbs on the counter top and instead his cheek feeling the pressure of his knuckles as his elbow planted on the surface. "Someone like her is worth missing."
Twitch.
Eli's eyes twitched that time. Wholeheartedly. He blinked. But he still did not look away. He did not draw back. He did not add to the distance between he and his cousin, in the physical form or otherwise.
His toes invisibly dancing in his socks all the more as, although he did look away, he nodded his head just once. In turn, Jordan's spine straightened as if he was beginning to get the inclination to act like he hadn't said those words in response.
He knew where they would be coming from when it came to Eli and the thoughts that could cascade through his mind when he said that he himself needed to say. But had he gone too far with his reply? He felt like it. He felt like it for his cousin even if that emotion brushed along Eli's skin without digging too deep at all, merely giving the feeling of a presence that was once there.
"Lynne can wait. You and I have time to be making up for." Jordan at last added and I understand that it was one of those rare moments for him that he chose his words carefully, even if his sentences formed perfectly and came out with no hesitation. "And it seems as though it's for the best that I'm still here. Stand up."
I think it was a good thing that he said that of all things. He didn't want to make it seem like Eli needed looking after. In truth, Jordan was equally as comforted by his cousin, even during times when Eli had a wavering heart.
The other male had only just swiveled around in his chair all over again and his hand was only just beginning to reach up towards where his shoulder blade and neck met when Jordan caught onto the hunch that was turning his cousin's frame into a near enough 'o' shape.
Eli discovered himself blinking and his own brows knotting together but after a gesture from his cousin and more words, he understood what he was getting at. He tried to brush him off, though he had begun to stand up from the minute that he had been told to, let alone when Jordan led by example.
He had making up to do from the sandwich fiasco!
"Oh. Oh, no, no, I'm perfectly fine. I just slept a little funny." Eli tried to insist with his feet in his socks then planted on the ground below and his cousin coming behind him, his hands reaching out towards him. His head remained fixed forward. He tried not to turn backwards so Jordan would see that it put an extra ache in his muscles to do so.
But of course, Jordan caught on, try as Eli might to conceal it from him. Soon enough, even though the shorter of the two was continually insisting that he was perfectly okay, he had agreed enough to take his black hoodie off and leave just his t shirt underneath.
Meanwhile, the sunrise haired male started to insist himself.
"No, no. C'mon." he began. Eli's black hoodie dropping down into his empty seat as he discarded it there, large and firm hands started to reach out to him and squeeze on certain parts of his upper body. Jordan's touch attempted to be dodged from a man with not a smile on his face but a different kind of light in his eyes than before. "Relax. I'm the reason you're good at this too. I taught you everything I know!"
Eli's mouth twitched like it wanted to smile but the rest of his body didn't quite have the energy at that point. Somehow, though, he had the energy to jokingly dodge Jordan's hands!
But then he gave into him, wincing as Jordan's strong and thick fingers poked around on his back through his t-shirt and tried to find the aching area. It seemed as though there was pain everywhere. And there certainly was on one particular point that caused Eli to rapidly recoil after it was prodded.
"That's true!" his voice yelped. It was the first time that his voice had elevated in days. Despite the pain, his jaw became all the more austere as he sucked it up and turned over his shoulder to look at his cousin who remained lingering there. "But I would like for my spine to remain intact."
"It will." Jordan attempted to reassure his cousin. He turned his body to face forward. He resumed finding spots on his body in between his neck and shoulders that were obviously giving him grief. He ignored his groans and protests. He knew what he was like. He was all groaning and putting up a fight until the benefits could be seen.
He continued poking and prodding and trying to get him to relax for a good few moments. And then, funnily enough, as he started to stop protesting as much and started to grow still, it was Jordan who picked up the pace. It was Jordan who had something jolting through his body.
It was not ecstasy as yet another knot got released because he was not the one being massaged. It was not gladness to be doing something to help somebody else out. A wave of very real realization washed through his body. And then it was very true horror. It was very undeniable, white hot horror that coursed through his veins when he saw what was on his cousin's computer screen.
It was as though it wasn't even him anymore as he couldn't stop his tongue from saying words and his body reacting.
"What the hell…" he muttered. Before Eli could open his eyes after trusting his cousin to help him and blink his eyes, wondering what had been found wrong with his body, he had been pushed to the side and was left blinking further still. Jordan leaned over the desk to look at both of the screens and try to decipher what he prayed was not actually true from the low brightness of the monitors. "This is not okay…"
It was as he feared. An extra streak of sunlight burst in through the apartment and caused the computer to follow suit, the automatic brightness setting lurching into action and causing everything to be all the more visible.
What could be seen would not have been a shock in Eli's younger years. But Jordan thought he was past all that. Jordan thought he would never do that kind of thing outside of work again. And especially not to someone that he supposedly loved.
As soon as Eli released what was beginning to be seen by all, he too tried to lurch into action. But of course, not any single part of him could move the whole being of Jordan even by an inch. Jordan stared right at his cousin and he had never wanted to be looked at less.
"What is wrong with you, Eli? You can't do that." he tried to begin telling him. Sickness evaded his throat and his stomach. He didn't want to look at the screen but he found himself looking once more plainly to make sure it was true. It was. He remained so firm that Eli almost fell backwards as he tried to fight to turn his monitors off. "Pictures… Texts… Emails…" Breath of disbelief escaped Jordan. "That's not okay!"
One last fight was all it took. One last fight. Eli didn't know how he did it. He somehow was able to reach past Jordan and pull out the plug of his computers, sending both of them to sleep in an instant.
Not that there was any point. Not that there was any point at all. He had already seen. And from the way that his cousin was looking at him, resting a shaky hand on the desk and trying to keep beads of sweat within his own being, he would never look at him the same again.
It suddenly registered within Eli that he was without the black shroud of his hoodie. In his crisp white and almost angelic t shirt that he wore underneath, he appeared very naked. He felt very naked. And being caught doing what he had been doing that morning, he felt even more that way.
And it caused a turbulent emotion to erupt from him. That was the trouble when you kept everything down. It would lurch from the pit of your stomach eventually.
"What was I supposed to do? He's forgotten about me!" Eli fought back, the color that he had lost in the past months flooding back to his cheeks all at once. He had the appearance of a little boy being caught doing something he should not be doing. He had no reason to be doing what he had been doing. And that was why he reacted in that way.
Needless to say, it did not go down well with Jordan.
Eli and Justin had broken up in a very volatile way to say the least. But it was never okay to invade privacy like that. Not for closure. Not to make up for the lost intimacy. Not for anything. Jordan was adamant about that. For a rare occasion, his certainty came out fiery in a way that was unheard of for him.
Eli's little boy antics really had not gone down well with the heftier male.
"You can't do this, Eli!" he was yelled at for one of the first handfuls of times from his cousin. Immediately, those wide eyes of his puddled but they did not spill. They pricked. They stared. They stared back in defiance to hide the brewing wreckage inside of him and this made Jordan insist all the more. His hand banged down hard on the desk, causing both monitor's to rattle. "What is wrong with you?!"
Eli had been trying to figure that out for years. With Justin, he stopped. With Justin, he didn't need to. They were just two hearts coming together and combusting and uniting in the best, most show stopping way.
Since he had walked away from him, everything was the matter. More than everything else from his other lives. More than everything else from any of his other lives. He couldn't get a hold on anything. And that was why that he erupted there and then.
Jordan had always wanted him to open up. But not like that.
"I love him!" he blurted out like that was a just reason for hacking into his private devices, reading his texts with close people and the emails between manager's and colleagues. Jordan didn't have a chance to show even a fraction of dismay. "I loved him, okay?!" A fiery correction. "And for what?! You don't know what it's like, Jordan. You don't know what it's like!"
The dismay on his face came. And then the exasperation. Slow, and steady, bordering on infuriated exasperation. His own eyelashes twitched and then his nostrils threatened to flare, though he steadied himself.
He didn't know what it was like to feel love? He didn't know what it was like to feel consumed by emotion? Oh, give me a break, Jordan thought.
"I… I felt nothing when I lost you. Let alone when I became cursed." A nostril flare from Eli as he tried to keep the water that he did not allow to leak from his eyes. Jordan proceeded with a weary exhale accompanied by a brief shutting of the eyes. He was determined not to be swayed. "And then I met him… I met Justin. You know how much he changed things for me. You know how alive I suddenly felt…"
The yellow haired male was stoic in his ways and once he set his mind on something, there was hardly any altering him. This was not one of those occasions, though. This was not one of those occasions.
Shakily switching stance of his being, he stood straighter up and stopped leaning on the desk, not knowing where to look as trembling digits brushed at his own cheeks and chin, where 5 o'clock shadow sought refuge.
He did not want to hear it. He did not want to hear from Eli how much of a laser beam he thought Justin was and how when they met – let alone became entwined – that he was shown it didn't matter who you are or what people call you or what you even call yourself.
You can make a difference no matter how old or young you are or whether you're just starting out or in the middle of chapters.
"Then I found out it does matter who you are." Eli's own stance switched just a few moments after his cousin's did. Jordan was forced to react and listen as his words took a different turn. Disgust filling the roof of his mouth so clearly that he could almost taste it, words became spat out. "I found out Justin wasn't who he said he was." He swallowed. Love that had turned to a bitter mouthful of hate could not so easily be swallowed. "He is a trickster. He is a liar. And he has left me with nothing."
Jordan needed to sit down so he sat right down in Eli's computer chair and squashing his hoodie down as well as the half-empty cigarette packet. He didn't say anything. He was in one of those moments of his where it hardly mattered if you said anything at all because all he heard was his own words and his own racing thoughts and emotions.
He could not believe they ended up there. He could not believe he and his cousin ended up there. And he could not believe his cousin and Justin had ended up there.
He had seen the blossoming of a new love. He had witnessed something so secret yet so intense had been on display for a select few special people including him. He had seen the way it turned soft like one of the grey sweaters that they always wore together. He had never known if it would last forever. But he could have never expected it would end so brutally leaving his cousin back to his old ways, yearning for closeness and intimacy in entirely the wrong ways.
"He is none of those things, Eli…" Jordan's voice sounded out. The bobbing of his Adam's apple in his own throat spoke volumes of how he wasn't expecting to hear his own voice so soon. Then again, truth always won out, didn't it? And though there was a great deal of fiercely loyal protection for his cousin, he had that towards the other half of the former couple too.
Jordan potentially could not have done anything worse there and then and in that moment. He might as well have stood up to his cousin yet again and slapped him in the face with a very rough hand from the way that he recoiled.
The flushed part that engulfed his cheek made it seem like the morning sunlight had burned him.
"You don't know him like I do!" he raged to match the hotness of his cheeks. And in turn, that was the worst way to react to Jordan. The back of his chair and his hoodie and that darned flat cigarette packet stopped feeling his strong and hefty weight.
Eli was forced to look up at his cousin from his tall and looming height as he snapped back once more. The protection of both halves of the former couple was causing an inward storm within the towering male.
"You don't know him like I do! You ever thought about that?" pointed out Jordan in return and to which an understandable reaction came.
Silence. Eli was silent. His moist and aching, darting eyes went to his chair and he too longed to sit down but he didn't dare. He didn't move. He didn't speak. And in the process of trying to figure out what to say let alone feel, Jordan came out with more words.
Eli was forced to hear that Jordan had known Justin since he was a little boy of nine or ten years old and he wasn't any of the things that he said about him – on that day and on days before that when he was filled with bitterness and hurt over their separation.
Jordan warned him not to paint reality differently because their relationship went wrong but then after these words had escaped from him, he correctly them.
"No... Because it went differently than you imagined." He spoke aloud to his cousin who was looking at the floor. He had never seen him looking so small. He had never seen him looking so much like a branch in the wind that could snap at one single extra exhalation from him. Was it guilt? Was it more? What was it? "I know you fell in love. I know you did."
Snap.
His shoulders collapsed down. He was being seen. He was being heard. In a way, he was being validated and that's all he ever wanted. But it felt awful. It felt awful that someone recognized the pure feelings that were in his heart. Or that he said were in his heart.
A sigh escaped from the nostrils of Jordan as well as his lips and thankfully Eli remained standing. He did not look as though he would look at him for the next little while, though, or ever again. Somehow, all of his tears remained inside him like an invisible torrent. Or there were none left to cry.
"You can't keep acting like this, though… You just can't. Otherwise you won't even have him for a friend." With a shake of the head, Jordan's words shook his cousin. And he reacted in a way that was somehow all the more forceful than ever before.
It was the way that his head snapped up. It was the way that his tone came out thick like he had the foggiest cold in the world and hadn't tasted anything since he went his separate ways from the love of his life.
It was the way that his face flushed and it contorted but it still did not weep. It was the way that every part of him ached. But couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from the most.
"But I don't want him for a friend!" a strangled sob could be heard. Jordan couldn't refrain from allowing the dismay to decorate his expression as he towered from above. That little boy was back. One he had rarely seen. And he didn't know whether he wanted to brush him to the side and tell him to grow up or clasp him to his chest. "God, why would I settle for that when I know that we belong together?!"
Jordan rarely heard Eli raise his voice, let alone yell. He barely saw him cry either. Though he still didn't properly see it on that day, the reality of this and the possibility of the other rendered him speechless. His forehead just had to be rubbed. It just had to be consoled. He had to pinpoint at least some of these thoughts. And say them.
After a few minutes of Eli's exhausted self, having no sense of direction and Jordan having no sense over which was the best way to navigate all of this himself, he couldn't help but act without using his mind at all.
Without thinking too much on it at all, his hand suddenly reached out and brushed Eli's cheek in a tender way, brushing the flushed nature away as well as encouraging him to look right at him. For half a second, the slighter male wondered if that blow was finally coming. He flinched in the feeblest manner that anybody had ever flinched.
He was left in far more of a fragile state by the words that came.
"Try as you might, try as he might, sometimes it's just not for the couple to decide if they get to be together…" Eli was told. He might as well been punched. He felt these words rippling through him and punching him in every organ in his body other than just his stomach and his heart. And then, as he finally plucked the courage to look at his cousin through misty eyes and he gulped, he was left feeling all the more deflated than ever. "But if you don't want him for a friend then I can't help but wonder whether your feelings really are as true as you believe they are."
At the same time that Jordan's touch trailed away from his cousin's cheek and dropped towards the floor, it was as though all warmth left Eli's body as well.
And not only that but the vulnerability was gone. The sensation of not knowing how to feel or what to do had disappeared for good. Vulnerability faded away. Wearing ones heart on ones sleeve was a thing of the past. Contempt was here. That was the only way forward.
If it was good enough for Justin then it was good enough for him. He had not been good enough for Justin. So there and then, Eli decided that he had not been good enough for him.
Taking a step back while the core of Jordan's forehead began to throb, Eli's arm rose upwards to brush over his own cheek. It brushed over and mellowed the touch of his cousin. It wiped away any tears that hadn't wanted to come. It concealed both his eyes in one movement. And then when they were revealed once more, they were revealed sturdily.
They were hollow. They were hollow as he had never been less true to himself than ever before.
The long drawn out pause was the only thing equally as empty.
"Maybe Justin and I really are just two sides of the same coin, then." Eli's words came. His train track tones were back. He didn't blink. He didn't show weakness. He didn't show anything. He didn't show Jordan the door.
Jordan saw the door and he took it. And this surprised his cousin. Though of course it could not be seen, it left Eli with an emotion that he couldn't fathom out when his demeanor buckled all over again and the base of his palm pushing against his forehead, he tried to soothe the thudding in his mind before heading off for a peace of mind.
The last thing that Eli saw from his cousin was a shake of the head. Jordan couldn't believe that they ended up where they had – all of them. He hoped that there were better days to come but he couldn't see it at that point.
The day had started off so peacefully and then come crashing down. He just had to rest assured. He just had to rest in the uncertainty. He just had to rest in faith.
The sun would still glow orange through the window no matter what. The sky would remain blue. Clouds would pass. Seasons would happen. The world would turn. Justin and Eli would learn to be incomplete. Without each other. With each other. Whatever.
Jordan wasn't placing any bets. He just needed to rest. There would be a long road ahead of them all. And he had to be on guard. He had to guard twice over. He had to guard them both. And that was okay. I knew that it was with his guidance that things worked out the way that they were meant to. Or maybe it was his lack of guidance and leaving it completely up to the universe.
The world would turn. And things would be how they were meant to. Sometimes, that is all a person can do. And you must learn to be okay with it.
The End.
There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :) So yes, it's been dealt with before, Eli's computer abilities and the fact that he owns many cyber-security businesses, but here we see a negative look into what he can do. It mentions that that sort of behavior is a thing of his past and that is true. A long time before Justin, and before Lucy (his long-term girlfriend) too, he would struggle socially and intimately and serve people by hacking others and businesses he deemed corrupt. Unfortunately, he would look into things for personal reasons as well. One that he thankfully grows out of again, once he is fulfilled yet again! I enjoyed featuring the dynamic of Eli and Jordan here. They certainly take their turns with looking after each other :) Thanks again for reading and I will be back again next Wednesday so see you then!
Amy signing out.