READ THIS: SO, uh, ignore the title, This one is only about Punchline in the name. There is a reason I didn't tag this as a Punchline story. I didn't research her character at all, actually, I haven't been a fan of her, but I saw a piece of fanart on Instagram a while ago that I haven't been able to get out of my head. And I wanted to write but Unexpected Developments was being bitchy tonight. This does exist in the Unexpected Developments Universe, so if you don't want spoilers or you don't wanna read a short (SHORT) story where I dump you into the same world an unexplained amount of time later with zero explanation- don't read this.- however, if you want to maybe check out my style of writing before getting into Unexpected Developments, or if you want an idea of how my Harley will... I hate saying "end up", because I like that my characters are human and always changing, but you get what I mean. Also, any questions you have about this one, you may ask, but most of them will be answered in later chapters of UD. There will be 1-2 more chapters on this one, depending on length after finalization.

Give your heart and soul to charity

'Cause the rest of you

The best of you

Honey, belongs to me

NFWMB / Hozier

The ticking of the clock was a low intone that nearly drove me mad. Behind my eyelids, all I could see was the photo. Presented to me by Ed, his newest attempt to draw me into their schoolyard bickering.

The photo pictured J, walking side by side with another woman. A woman… I didn't recognize, but instinctively hated. She clung to his arm, though he seemed impassive, with big brown eyes painted with blue shadow staring up at him. Ed expected that I would have a reaction.

What he didn't expect was the extent. The life claimed. I felt bad for poor Jude now, a young girl who had just started working with me, she seemed kind and had a family she wanted to take care of.

Sadly, she was just too close to the splash zone.

I had arranged for her body to be cremated before being sent back to her family. No one should have to see their sister like that. In my guilt, I also included a lump sum to her mother but swore Pamela to silence. I didn't need anyone knowing Harley Quinn, Gothams' Red Queen, had any kind of heart. No matter how corrupt.

I had heard him, distantly, as I made my great mess in the kitchen, saying that he almost felt bad for showing me- he hated to imagine what I would do to J.

And yet… The main target of my rage was the brunette in the picture. Her short purple dress, and tacky make-up. Those heels she clearly couldn't walk in, and those stupid ugly fucking bangs. And that name? Is she actually joking?

I know J and I aren't on the best terms- but…

It was just so un-J. I considered briefly engaging in my own tryst but rolled my eyes at the thought of the work involved. Not to mention the last time I had attempted to move on- I shuddered. No, I would just make it clear to J that the same rules that apply to me, also apply to him. Fair is fair.

Tears welled into my eyes again and I slammed the heels of my palms into my eyes with a low moan. Fucking. Stop. They will be back any minute. Pull yourself together.

Pulling in a deep breath I worked to silence myself, before standing and walking to my mirror. All I wanted to do was kill the stupid bitch. But, I needed information first. How… close had J gotten to this woman. Would I be starting my own war by killing her? I didn't want that, but I would continue regardless. However, if a war was imminent I could make certain strategies to help my case.

I hoped that J wasn't so naive as to start a war with me over side-slut.

The brush I had been running through my hair paused and I took a breath before continuing to brush my short hair, before sitting down at the vanity to apply my makeup.

It wasn't long after there was a knock on my door.

"Ms. Quinn? He is in your office and waiting for you."

"Samantha?" I called through the door, without turning to face it.

"Yes, Ms. Quinn?"

"Move him to the icebox please."

There was a pause, and my eyebrow quirked.

"Samantha?"

"Oh! So sorry, Yes Ms. Quinn." I heard her nervous reply and sprinting from the door. Maybe the Icebox is unnecessary, but I needed to hurt something right now, and this Jackass won the goddamn golden ticket.

I stood, sliding a blazer over the sheer lace body suit I was wearing as a top, I buttoned one button and looked up at the clown in the mirror while straightening my slacks. I never got over how I looked like this. A smirk hit my lips.

My sharp heels clicked across the linoleum floor leading to the icebox, a refrigerated room on our first floor, a remnant of when the building used to be a hotel. I enjoyed doing my work there, as it's soundproof, and the cold is nice on my skin.

I opened the door to see the man. Shaking, and bleeding already, but a wound above his eye, he sat in a folding metal chair in the cold room, hardly able to take his eyes off the table on the far wall, lined with any weapon or instrument of pain laid out, clean and fresh- I hated working with dirty tools. His sallow, almost jaundiced complexion stood out in the pale room, as did his lack of clothes, only dressed in an undershirt, his boxers, and a pair of socks. He shivered again, and I wondered if it was the cold or the fear.

I smiled at him warmly, stepping forward and placing a chair in front of him.

"Hello Vincent," I said with a smile, reaching to examine the wound, but he flinched away from my hand, causing me to sigh, and drop it. "Mr. Rourke, I understand you are afraid, but what point is there to sit here with a bleeding head wound? I don't want you to get dizzy or pass out on me."

His fearful eyes met mine again and he moved forward. I reached up, tongue coming to poke out the left side of my lips, just barely, the way it often did when I concentrated.

"Alright, that's clean and bandaged, now I would like to just do a quick vision test if that's okay?"

The man nodded, confused.

"Alright, so follow my pen light here," I tapped the end of it, dragging it slowly from side to side. His eyes matched the movement closely, and I smiled.

"Good, I don't think there's any serious damage. I don't think you even have a concussion, how awesome is that?" I smiled and tapped his arm lightly.

His fearful eyes remained confused. I laughed.

"Okay, So I do have some things for us to go over. I hate to be unpleasant, but this is quite important." I went to reach for his gag, and he flinched again, harder, violently away from me, and I sighed.

"Oh, Vinnie. I think you and I have gotten off on the wrong foot. See, you think I'm J, and I'm not. Really. J is unreasonable. Psychotic. Unfeeling. The pain he causes is widespread and will echo on for generations." I looked at the man, smiling encouragingly. "No, Vinnie, I am a very reasonable woman. Which is why I am going to give you one chance. One. Tell me what I want to know before I start cutting you. See, because I'm not J. My pain isn't widespread. I have spent most of my fucking life learning to narrow and narrow that beam until now the pain I can give you is searing and unforgettable. It is a pinpoint of pure misery. I will skin you alive so delicately you won't even realize what I have done until your boil-covered, bacteria-infested skin sloughs off into my goddamn floor."

I took a deep, cleansing breath. "So," I said, leaning forward to remove his gag. "Tell me about Punchline."

"Thank you, Vinnie. That was so enlightening." I purred, smiling into my wine.

"Yes, Ms. Quinn." He kept his eyes respectfully lowered now, and I nearly preened in the feeling.

"Now, it's time for the real fun to begin." I giggled. Standing to walk to the table lined with tools and agents for me to play with.

"Wait! I thought you said that you would let me go if I told you what I knew?!" His voice was panicked as his sunken eyes stared.

I looked back at him, eyebrows coming together as I smiled in a bemused way. "I don't remember saying that?"

"But-"

"I just said I would let you tell me before I start cutting."

"Please-"

"See, Vinnie. You knew. You knew this information would be pertinent to me, and rather than sharing I had to find out through someone else. You can't keep your whores in line enough not to go after a taken man, Vinnie?"

"I didn't kn-"

"Yes you did Vinnie, don't fucking lie. Because we both know, if you had seen me with another man, you would have felt obligated to bring it to J. This tells me that you respect J, but you do not respect me."

"Please Ms. Quinn, I respe-"

"This is an epidemic I need to get ahead of now, and making an example of you is the perfect way," I said absentmindedly.

"I can help you, I know other stuf-" I rushed him, hand to his throat as I glared into his eyes. A small yelp sounded at first, but his eyes went wide, flashing between my own, and my teeth, dangerously close to his face. Bite one guy's nose off and no one ever lets you live it down.

"Shut up" I hissed through my teeth. "It still hasn't hit you yet, has it? I am going to torture you to death. I will not be kind or merciful in your end. I am a Doctor, Vinnie. I can keep you alive in states you can't even imagine. And I am going to. There is no question of that. The only question left, is why aren't you crying yet?"

And then his music started so sweetly. I danced all night.