Hey everyone, I decided to do another chapter of this fic! Seems like a lot of you liked it and I figured I'd continue the story! So let's get started!

Bladed Sorrows

Repetition

Tails looked over some of the blueprints laid out on his workbench, referencing the designs he had and pushing a few idle thoughts from his head as he worked. It'd been just over a month since he'd told Sonic about what he'd been doing to himself, and while things were better, they were still far from perfect.

Grabbing the new bladeless multi-tool Sonic had gotten him, the fox tightened a few more screws on the device, completely securing its back panel before flipping it over. But as he kept working his thoughts began to wander back to Cosmo once more.

Controlling his thoughts was hard, especially now since his usual release of cutting himself wasn't an option. But he'd been talking with Sonic and his new therapist to decide on other ways to deal with his grief. A pair of rubber bands now rested around his wrists, a much safer alternative to what he'd been doing to himself. Ideally, he'd eventually be able to move away from using pain to clear his thoughts and to deal with his grief, but trying to completely cut that release all at once would be a bad idea.

He also had some other methods of clearing his head as well, mainly a journal he'd started as a way to help express his thoughts. It currently sat on his workbench, resting against the toolbox he kept nearby. He generally didn't write much more than a few sentences to express his feelings but he did notice that it seemed to be helping.

Many pages of the journal had been torn out, an exercise that his therapist had gone over about writing down the negative feelings he was having and then tearing up the paper.

The fox pulled back one of the rubber bands on his wrist, painfully snapping it back as he tried to refocus himself.

The negative thoughts refused to leave, floating around in his head, their nagging voices taunting him.

Grabbing his journal and a nearby pen, the fox set his current project aside and started to write.

It's all my fault.

Why can't I just cut myself again?

I want to so bad.

Why'd it have to be Cosmo?

Couldn't it have been me?

The fox stopped himself, taking a deep breath as he tried to relax and stop the downward spiral his thoughts were on. Writing his thoughts down tended to force him to think about what was on his mind. He didn't like anything he'd just written down, so he promptly tore the page out and ripped it to shreds, placing what was left of it in a garbage can at the foot of his workbench when he was satisfied.

Maybe it was time for him to take a break. Besides, Sonic would likely have dinner ready soon.

Standing up from his chair and stretching his back out, the fox started upstairs. As soon as he made it to the top of the stairs, Sonic turned to greet him.

"Hey, bud! You're up here early, I'm not even finished with dinner."

"Just can't think straight, so I figured I'd take a break."

"Probably a good idea. But since you're here early, maybe we could do your check-in before dinner instead of after?"

"That's today?"

"It's been a week, bud."

"Doesn't feel like it has, but sure, we can do it now."

Sonic left the stove running and walked over to the fox. Tails removed his gloves and presented his wrists to the hedgehog, looking away in a bit of shame as he did. He always hated these weekly checks Sonic did, they made him feel the worst about what he'd been doing to himself.

"Well, the cuts from two weeks ago seem to have healed quite a bit." Sonic began, looking over the scars on the fox's wrists. "Nothing new either. You doing the exercises your therapist taught you?"

"Yeah, I think they've been helping."

"That's good to hear, seems like you've been doing better recently as well."

"I feel like I've been doing better."

Sonic released the fox's wrists and gently ruffled the fur on his younger brother's head. "You're doing great bud."

"Thanks." Tails responded, putting his gloves back on, making sure they covered his scars.

"Food's ready by the way." Sonic continued, "You gonna go back to working on your project after?"

"Probably."

"What are you even working on?"

"Just some maintenance on the Miles Electric. The fox answered as he sat down. "Just replacing some of the older parts. Not anything too complicated."

"Probably still too complicated for me, or anyone else for that matter." Sonic teased as he grabbed food for both himself and the fox.

"It's not that bad, you'd just have to learn a bit."

"I think I'll leave the tech to you."

Tails smiled and the two of them turned to their food. It wasn't long before they'd both finished.

"Well, let me know if you need anything," Sonic added as Tails stood to leave. The fox nodded as he traveled back down to his workshop. Once he reached the bottom of the stairs he instinctively looked over at the pot Cosmo's flower was growing in. He hadn't watered it yet today but the small plant seemed to be doing alright overall.

Grabbing the water bottle he kept nearby he carefully added some water to the pot before returning his thoughts to the Miles Electric, which still sat half-disassembled on his workbench.

Sitting himself back down he shook some of the rogue thoughts from his head.

"I guess the break didn't help very much…" He thought, snapping the rubber band around his wrist again. "Maybe I could go for a walk, that helps sometimes…"

It seemed no matter what he did he just couldn't get Cosmo out of his head. The negative thoughts were relentless, constantly making their way to the front of his mind.

He'd just about had enough.

"It's not my fault! There wasn't any other way!"

"What if there was? What if you just weren't smart enough to figure it out?"

"I tried okay! There wasn't any other way!"

"You can't be sure about that! Cosmo is dead because of you Miles, face it!"

Trying to clear his head the fox tried focusing on something else but his efforts were in vain as his mind inevitably wandered back to Cosmo.

That was until his vision landed on a small box cutter sitting on the floor nearby.

Tails had gotten the box of parts he'd needed to fix the Miles Electric earlier today, he'd meant to return the tool to where he'd gotten it.

But right now, it was all he could focus on.

"No." He mentally scolded himself. "Don't do it, you just had your check-in with Sonic and he said you're doing great. You don't need to hurt yourself."

"It would feel nice," His thoughts responded. "Just once couldn't hurt right?"

Tails tried to push the thought out of his head but found himself unable to focus on anything else.

"I need to get that thing out of here…" He thought, "It's just going to keep distracting me…"

Walking over to where the box cutter was, the fox grabbed the tool. As soon as he did, a feeling of numbness ran up his arm, causing him to hesitate for a moment. It'd been so long since he'd felt the familiar rush of pain on his wrist, and the thoughts of Cosmo still refused to leave his head.

He quickly caught himself, the fox hadn't even realized he'd extended the tool's blade as he jolted from his thoughts.

"No. No. No. You're not cutting yourself again!"

"But why not?" His inner voice added. "It's been a while hasn't it? Like I said before, just once couldn't hurt. Besides, nobody's perfect."

For just a second, Tails found himself agreeing with his internal voice before he responded. "Sonic wouldn't like it…"

"He doesn't need to know then. You just did your check-in after all, they'll be healed before next week."

Tails finally found himself removing his gloves, taking a deep breath in as he tried to calm himself down.

"Just once…" He told himself, slowly lowering the extended blade closer to his exposed wrist. Then, before he even had time to reconsider what he was doing. The fox sunk the blade into his wrist.

Immediately the familiar sensation of white-hot pain rocketed up his arm, causing him to wince. But the pain was quickly drowned out by a wave of euphoria that washed over him, pushing away any of the distracting negative thoughts he'd been having. After having had those thoughts dancing in his head for the better part of two weeks, the emptiness in his mind felt relieving.

As the pleasant sensation faded, the fox found himself wanting more. It didn't take much to prompt him to cut his other wrist, feeling the same pleasant feeling wash over him once again as a bit of blood fell from his wrist to the floor below.

The cuts continued until he was satisfied.

Eventually looking down and spotting the small specs of blood on the floor was enough to shock him out of his thoughts and Tails quickly found himself back in reality. Instantly he felt a ton of guilt crash atop him.

"Why did I do that!? Now Sonic's gonna see… If I'd accidentally cut deeper I could have…"

He didn't even want to finish that last thought. He let the box cutter slip from his fingers as tears started to form.

"What's Sonic going to think!? He's going to be so disappointed!"

Tails sat on the floor, his back against the wall and his knees to his chest. Kicking the box cutter away from him, the fox struggled to hold off his tears as his guilt only continued to grow.

"What are you going to tell him? He'll find out and then what? You can't even go two weeks without hurting yourself again!"

The guilt the fox had been trying to contain finally exploded, as he started to sob, burying his face into his knees.

"You'll never get better at this rate!"

The fox cried for what, to him at least, felt like hours. But eventually, the sounds of his muffled sobs drew Sonic's attention as he rushed downstairs.

"Tails? Are you hurt? What…" The hedgehog began but stopped as he set foot at the bottom of the stairs that led down to the workshop and got a good look at the fox. Spotting the small blood droplets on the floor and the box cutter that sat nearby, its blade still extended, told him everything he needed to know.

"Buddy… It's alright. You don't have to be all upset with yourself like this."

"Why can't I just be better already…" The fox said, his voice still heavily muffled by the fur on his knees.

"It's hard to break habits like this." Sonic continued, sitting down next to Tails and gently grabbing one of his hands so he could check how badly he'd hurt himself.

He was immediately greeted with the sight of blood-stained fur surrounding fresh angry red slashes on the fox's wrist.

"Oh, buddy…"

"I'm sorry… I just…"

"I'm not mad bud, I'm just worried about ya."

"You shouldn't have to be… You've been doing everything for me… Check-ins… Getting a therapist… I should just be able to deal with this on my own… It's my problem… It's my fault I keep hurting myself and…"

"Tails. Please." The hedgehog responded, his voice having an unusually cold and worried tone to it. "Stop blaming yourself."

Tails pulled their head up from their knees. Even with their tear-blurred vision, they could still make out Sonic's concerned expression. The fox didn't feel like responding, however, so the two simply sat in silence.

Nothing was said for a few minutes, but eventually, Tails spoke, hanging his head as he did.

"This sucks…"

"I know it does."

"I just thought everything was going good…"

"You are doing good Tails. This is just a normal part of getting better. For someone that's only stopped doing this a month ago, you're doing amazing."

The fox again didn't respond, returning the room to the silence it'd had before for a few minutes before Sonic spoke again.

"Feeling a little better now?"

"Yeah…" Tails lied, he'd finally stopped crying and had managed to calm himself back down, but the guilt he felt still hovered around him like a cloud.

"Good. There anything you want to do to clear your head a bit? You're not going back to working on that project of yours like this."

"I'm good…

"Still feel bad about it?"

The fox hesitated in answering but eventually nodded.

"It's not your fault." Sonic continued, putting an arm around the fox sitting next to him. "You're doing amazing Miles, I want you to know that."

"Yeah…"

"I want you to say it."

"What?"

"Say you're doing amazing."

"Why?"

"Because it's true."

Tails sighed, "I don't want to…"

"Bud… Please…"

Silence followed once again for a moment before the fox spoke.

"I'm… I'm doing amazing…"

"Like you mean it."

Tails took a glance down at his bloodied wrists, he certainly didn't feel amazing right now.

"Sonic… What are you even trying to do?"

"Maybe if you say it you'll finally believe it."

The fox sighed again before he continued, this time with a bit more certainty in his voice. "I'm doing amazing."

Sonic smiled, "That's better. But say it again."

Tails did feel a bit better as he thought about it, maybe Sonic's strange exercise was working.

"I'm doing amazing." He said, his voice now sounding much more certain.

He even started to believe those words himself.

"There we go." The hedgehog responded. "I know it's hard to believe that right now. But you're amazing Miles, don't forget that."

Sonic stood up, extending a hand to the fox to help him to his feet.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

Alright everyone, that's it for this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. As I mentioned at the start, I'm going to be continuing this story and hopefully, we'll be seeing more of Tails' recovery in the future. But in the meantime, let me know what you thought of this chapter and I'll see you all next time.