Shit! He heard everything.
We haven't been exactly quiet in our exchange and Dad's room is just beside, doors open and all.
He is sitting up on bed, elbows rested on knees, head bowed.
And I suddenly feel so exhausted, so tired of all this sadness. I'm only fourteen. I should be enjoying myself right now, I should be thoughtless and carefree. I should be in the common room discussing brooms with mates or with Rose snogging somewhere in secret, or in class killing time until break time. I shouldn't be here, mourning for my mother, fighting for my father.
James has always done the fighting, not me. I don't know how it is done and I'm not used to. I haven't got that strength.
I don't know what to say to dad, I don't know what to do. I feel so alone in all this. So overwhelmed.
I rest against the door frame heaving a big breath, my eyes close itself slowly as I'm trying to gather my strength and wit to handle this situation somehow.
I wish so much somebody would be here, stepping in for me.
And as if reading my wish, I feel a presence beside me that gently put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. Exactly what I was hoping for. A hand that tells me "Don't worry, I'll take care of it".
I open my eyes to see who's my saviour and I find Aunt Hermione there. She is not looking at me despite her hand, she is looking in front of her, where dad is.
And just as my eyes rest on her I see her own, wide open, filling with tears.
'Harry…' she murmurs, her voice almost chocked, full of emotion.
Dad's head spring up hearing that voice.
'Hermione' he whispers surprised. They are both silent looking at each other and then it's dad who breaks the ice. 'Hi' he says weaving wearily his hand.
I think that simple gesture of greeting triggers something in her who flings toward him, sweeping him away in a such impetuous hug that he is almost overthrown.
'Oh Harry' she slurs between sobs.
Dad hugs her back resting his head against her shoulder.
'Hermione, Ginny…' he only says.
'I know…'
They stand in each other arms for quite a bit while she is clearly trying to master her wailing.
When she succeeds, he draws her on the bed with him, sitting back against the wall, aunt crouching on his side, her head buried in the slope of his neck.
'I'm so glad you woke up'
Aunt voice come muffled. Dad doesn't reply, he only caresses her head. I don't think he is any happy to have woken up, but I can see from his expression that her embrace is soothing and helping him more than any of my words could have done.
I slip silently on my armchair relieved by her presence.
I watch them in each other arms and though I'm not alone as I feared, I feel lonely more than ever. An acute longing for Rose pervades me so strongly my chest hurts. I need the same tender exchange.
I don't know for how long we stay there each lost in its own mind and thoughts.
Aunt stopped crying and dad is cuddling her, keeping her tight against him only occasionally kissing her hair.
There is a serenity veiled with sadness in this scene but pleasing compared to all the turmoil we have been living and I found myself hoping we could freeze this moment because I know this is the best we can aspire at.
But, unfortunately, we cannot.
Uncle Ron appears to the door, and I know from his eyes he doesn't find what he sees endearing as I do, I think quite the opposite.
For a moment I'm afraid he will say something hurtful to dad, but he doesn't.
'Hermione, we need to go' he only says.
They both startle; they hadn't heard him approaching.
'I think I'll stay here some more' aunt says without leaving dad's side.
'No. You cannot. I just received an owl from the Rumanian's Minister, they want you back as soon as possible for a report and I must work in the afternoon'
'They can wait'
'There was one from the English one too with an urgent summon'
Aunt bites her lips uneasy. She turns to dad kissing his cheek.
'Write to me, ok?' she says keen 'If you need company, you will let me know and I'll do my best to come. Don't stay on your own. Call Ted or George. Don't stay on your own' she repeats staring in his eyes.
Dad nods imperceptibly and I'm able to spot from here the anguish that dawn on him as soon as aunt's arms unfasten from his neck.
Leaving the bed, she comes to me hugging me tight 'Write to me too if you need.' She whispers in my ear 'Remember we are always here for you, alright?'
I assent and I don't know why but I feel like weeping a bit, maybe because the soothing moment is broken or because the only person who seemed to do dad any good is going away leaving me alone again with this situation I don't know how to handle. Tears burn behind my eyelids, but I courageously push them back. James would never have cried in the same situation. James would have known what to do.
'We can go' she says to Uncle Ron.
'You go ahead, I'll say bye and I'll catch up'
Aunt seems a bit taken aback by this sentence and doesn't budge. We all know dad and uncle don't talk to each other so it's no wonder Aunt is perplexed.
I'm, on the other side, feel a glint of uneasiness at the pitch of my stomach guessing how uncle's parting may prove to be not that pleasant and I've got this urge to beg Aunt not to leave us alone, but I obviously cannot do that.
'I want to straighten up the situation before to go' Uncle says not seeing Aunt move.
I don't think she knows anything of what happened in the other room so it's no wonder his words take all another meaning for her who, throwing a last worried glance at dad, who sitting against the wall is full back in his listlessness, approach the bed 'Don't forget to write to me. Anytime. Even more than once a day if you need, I'll try to come back to England as soon as I can. We are all here to help you' and pinning him in her arms a last long time she leaves the room.
For a moment we are all silent, me looking worriedly at Uncle, dad looking nowhere half stooped on himself and uncle glowering at him, a gaze so full of hate it's scary.
'You won't write to her' he says with a flat voice 'If she does, you won't answer. You won't try to contact her in any way, and you will refuse to see her if she comes to you. The same for George, for Ted and everybody else'
Dad doesn't answer, but I know he heard every word, I can see it in his hopeless expression.
After having said that much, uncle seems to realise I'm there and his expression soften considerably while he walks toward me.
I almost flinch when he stands in front of me despite his benevolent expression.
'Albus, I don't want you to think I bear ill will against you. Me and Hermione have your own good at heart. You will be very welcome if you change your mind and want to move with us. You will quickly realise that is the best option. Your dad cannot take care of you as we could do.'
All what he says is clearly stated in front of dad, as if he is not even there! I side glance at him quickly, but he hasn't reacted in any way.
'If nevertheless you decide to stay here, it's fine.'
I feel my inside relaxing, I was a bit worried he would have taken it bad in case of a refusal. I don't want to be the cause of a breach in our families.
'But' he continued bringing back my attention 'You will obviously understand I won't allow Rose to hang out with you in that case. It's too dangerous. I ought to protect my family. You understand it, don't you?'
I gulp as horror prevents me to speak.
'If you decide to keep being a Potter, there is no other option. I cannot obviously control you while at Hogwarts but I'm sure you understand the situation and you'll be the first in taking distance for her own good. We don't want her to be in danger. Do we?'
My mouth is so dry I'm only able to stare, gawping.
'It's your duty to keep far the people you love if you want to have them safe'
After this sentence an unnatural silence envelop us, obnoxious. I'm so aghast my whole body and mind are paralysed. This cannot be real. This must be a nightmare of some sort.
Basically, he is telling me that I must choose between dad and Rose.
'Goodbye Albus, take care' he says patting my shoulder 'I'm sure you'll do what is best' and without even a parting at dad, ignoring him completely, he is out of the room. Leaving me there, rooted on the spot.