The silence is back. Leaving us wretched. I cannot choose. It's impossible. Is uncle actually right? I don't mind about risking my life but what about Rose? Is she really in danger if she keeps going out with me?
All these questions spin in my head, but they are just interrogatives without any answer.
I bring my gaze over dad. And, again, I found myself wanting to say something, but I don't know what, nevertheless I'm about to speak. I want to reassure him I won't leave him alone, despite everything, I won't. I'll sort it out with Rose, she won't allow me to distance her, I know she won't. Not again. I'll write to her straight away, she must be informed of all that happened even though it pains me to relate uncle's behaviour toward dad, but she must be informed that a family war has started. We will see each other in secret, this is what we will do. Yes. I'm sure she wouldn't wish me to abandon dad, she has always liked him despite the low moments. She always says she feels like she can confide in him, even if she doesn't understand why. He has a way to say things that make you feel better afterwards. The same as James.
Therefore, I'm about to speak but at that moment the bloody nurse enters the room. She is not dressed as a nurse, she is wearing a fancy jacket, a skirt, high heels and all her waving mane in perfect waves is left hanged loose on her shoulders. She has got that cloy smile on I don't like at all.
'My shift is over. I thought to pass by before to go home just in case you needed anything' she simpers to cover an annoyed look she instinctively took seeing me.
'We don't need anything!' I'm about to hiss upset but dad precedes me 'Yes, I actually needed you' he states making me startle. It is not the same faltering weary voice as before. This time is quite steady and cold, also his eyes are different, they got back some lucidity, his head is not bowed any longer.
'Albus, get out'
'But dad…'
'Get out!' he states firm.
I shot a poisonous look to the bloody nurse who looks quite smug without even bothering to conceal it.
'Close the door behind you' dad adds once I reached the door.
And the last thing I see is the nurse's victorious smile and dad, his gaze cold and mean, fixed in front of him.
The hell I'll go away. I'll stay here outside the door to catch whatever I can! And damn me not to have brought some extendable ears. Uncle George is right, you never know when you may need them!
As it is I press my ear against the door hoping to be able to discern something. But it's only a low buzz the one that reaches me.
After a very short time I hear the noise of her heels getting closer. I lunge at full speed behind a trolley just in time not to be spotted. I see her turning the corner with a purposeful air; therefore, I don't leave my spot. I'm sure she'll be back, and I know to be right not even five minutes later. A brown bag is dangling from her shoulder and looking shiftily right and left, she slips again in dad's room.
I crawl quickly back against the door. I hear some tinkling sound, very much like glass bottles being handled, some low buzzing and then silence, a rather long silence and then a tinkling sound and nothing more for a bit.
After what it seems to me a very long time, I hear again her heels. Fast as a lightening I'm back in my hiding spot.
The bloody nurse has got such a smugness on her face, such a glee, I have some job mastering my frustration.
She tosses back her voluminous hair and dipping from her handbag a small mirror, she checks her face. Satisfied of what she sees, she lets it fall again in it and walk away. Just as she turns the corner, I realise she has not the brown bag with her anymore.
I wait a few minutes just to be safe albeit I know by her satisfied grin she won't be back again.
I tip toe toward the door which has been left ajar and I peek inside. There is not much to be seen. Dad is simply sleeping.
I push the door open, and I get in. The brown bag is nowhere to be seen.
I amble over the desk to write a letter to Rose but, while at it, I found myself unable to concentrate; my head is heavily keeping dangling from my neck; my mind is so hazed I can hardly make out what I'm writing. And I know it's no good. I need to take a nap before to be able to write anything of consequences. The emotions of the morning have quite worn me out.
I slouch on the armchair covering with the blanket, my eyelids feel so heavy. I give in to the body's urge of closing them knowing I'll fall asleep quickly once they are shut.
Many confused thoughts and images are behind those eyelids before I can nod off, but it's Rose the only one I see clearly just before it happens.