After a while, the group finally reached Dvalin's lair, the pathway blocked by a wind barrier quickly shattered by Venti.
« Well, here we are. And so... The epic actions of brave heroes finally leads to this eleventh hour. » Venti proclaimed.
« Yeah, yeah, potato potato, let's just get this over with. » Blitzo replied annoyed.
« Actually…. there's something I don't understand about…all of this. » Moxxie admitted.
« You don't understand shit about anything, Mox, but go on. »
« Well, it's just….Venti, you're a god damned…God! I can understand if you wanted OTHERS to do your job, but so far, you seem to NEED people to do anything! » Moxxie noted.
« Ahh... How do I put it…. » Venti replied embarrassed. « "The Seven" as people now know them, were once known as "The Seven Archons." Each archon presides over their own part of Teyvat. That is the role the archons play. Only in performing this duty can we attain power, but I don't like the idea of "ruling" Mondstadt — and I don't feel Mondstadt would really like it either. »
« You "don't like the idea of ruling"….or you do not want the responsibility? While everybody was out there working their ass, you just sat in a tavern drowning your problems away! » Loona angrily replied.
« Ahh... However it may have come to be... I haven't been back to Mondstadt for an extended period of time. » Venti replied. « Without a doubt, I am now the weakest archon among The Seven! »
« And we're supposed to take on a fucking dragon with a powerless femboy…» Moxxie murmured defeated.
« Speaking of dragons….I still don't understand Stormfuck problem. There's no way the people of Mondstadt "abandoned" that baby dicked twat. » Blitzo added.
« Perhaps he feels that way. The crystals you've been collecting are tears of pain. » Venti explained. « Perhaps I can better describe the situation…with a play. »
And so, Venti pulled out a lyre, and begun to sing.
What is to be sung transpired in days of yore,
When the divine archons still walked the earth.
A dragon cast his curious gaze on the world below
As he parted from the heavens that gave his birth.
The dragon sought truth amongst common folk,
But mortal trifles only fogged his mind.
The windborne bard strummed his strings dolce
And the Holy Lyre answered his questions kind.
The dragon was but a child full of wonder,
And soared the heavens free from care.
The bard's songs invited him to sing along,
For he yearned to let all perceive him fair.
Enchanting legends the bard and dragon were,
But the tides of despair soon engulfed the land;
The lion fang perished and the falcon flag slept.
As a vile dragon approached Mondstadt in lone stand,
Over the Cathedral loomed death and his friends.
Of the people's agony the bard soon sang.
The soaring dragon heeded his grave calls,
And amidst the windstorms a brutal war sprang.
Blood of venom sent the sky dragon into slumber,
Only to awake to be expelled in abhor.
"Why do people in this age loathe me so?"
But the Holy Lyre replied no more.
Wrath and woe, vigor and venom,
Poured from the dragon's bitter eyes.
The dragon's curse sprawled in silence,
But the Lyre could no longer soothe his cries.
After the song, the IMPs begun to ponder. « In short, he had a dick-measuring context with another dragon, got the everliving shit beaten out of him, and then the blood of the other dragon poisoned him? »
« I also assume that when that prick used magic on him, he further corrupted the wounds, right? » Moxxie assumed.
« Indeed. And, thanks to your efforts, Dvalin can be saved once more. After the Abyss Mage was killed, a certain energy dispersed from its body... It seems that energy was being used to cut off the connection between me and Dvalin. » Venti explained.
« So we just gotta talk it out with the blue fuck and he'll stop throwing a temper tantrum? » Blitzo asked.
« Not quite. You will be required to purify his wounds. »
« Still weird I can do that. Y'know, being a demon and all that jizz…. »
« Perhaps it's because you do not hail from this world….or….perhaps…hidden behind that selfish, arrogant you is a pure power even you are unaware off…. » Venti smirked.
« I think I'll go with the first theory, femboy. » Blitzo smirked, as the group entered the lair, giant ruins of a bygone civilization.
The group continued to advance forward, until…
« Oh, we can't advance any further. The ruins seem to be guarded by ancient seals. » Venti noted.
« Sounds like someone hates social interactions. Then again, considering how much of an asshole he is, he doesn't really need a barrier, does he? » Blitzo commented.
«Wait…you're calling Dvalin an "asshole?" » Venti asked incredulous.
« Yeah? Got a problem with that? »
« Well, it's just pot calling kettle black-ugh, forget it. » Venti replied. « And no, he's not doing this. These ruins were once part of an ancient city. Dvalin just happens to be nesting in these ruins for now. These ruins even predate the existence of The Four Winds. Mondstadt is a city without a ruler. However, before it was... It was ruled over by a tyrant. »
« Anyway, if my archaeological knowledge is not mistaken, this appears to be a light actuator. If we retrieve and reintegrate all the parts, we should be able to get it working. » Dulic explained.
« Oh, great. More fucking chores. » Blitzo complained.
« Well, you better get to work, then. » Venti smirked.
Xxxxxxx
After activating the actuator by collecting three halos…
« Are we done? Can we fight Stormbitch already? » Blitzo demanded infuriated.
« Why, aren't you an eager one? » Venti chuckled.
« We just want to get this over. Also telling him a piece of my mind. »
« I'm even thinking about turning these adventures into songs after we're done... »
« I hope they blow ass. »
« Anyhow, are we all ready for this? » Jean asked.
« You fucking bet! » Blitzo smirked.
« Well then, IMPs, may the thousands of years of wind that have blown through Mondstadt go with you. I shall channel Anemo energy for you. » Venti proclaimed.
« This is going to be one hell of a wake-up-call! » Blitzo smirked.
With that being said, the IMPs were thrown into the air and, pulling out their gliders, they soared in the sky.
And, sure enough, not too far, was Dvalin.
« Hello fuckface! Did you miss us!? » Blitzo mocked the dragon.
« You again!? Even more pestiferous than those damned humans! » Dvalin cursed the group.
« Look! There are two shiny spots on Dvalin's back! They appear to be poisonous blood clots that have coagulated on his wounds! Aim for those! » Venti voice reasoned in the air.
« Forget that! Get us close! We like to handle bitches nice and personal! » Blitzo shot back, as he dived toward the dragon, landing on his back. « All right, you insignificant fuck! Here's your fucking wake-up call! » the Imp roared out, grabbing one of the clots and starting to purify it.
In response, Dvalin rolled in the air, causing Blitzo to fall off, only to be grabbed by Loona. Before Dvalin could attack the two, Moxxie started to fire his tommie gun at the dragon and, whilst not injuring him seriously, he left a few scars.
In response, the dragon let out several blue orbs in the air, all aimed at the IMPs, who dodged at the best of their abilities.
Diving upwards, only to descend afterward, Moxxie pulled out an RPG and aimed it at Dvalin's back. « Trust me big guy…it will hurt you more than me, but it's for your own FUCKING GOOD! »
Firing the powerful weapon, the dragon collapsed on a risen platform, and the IMPS dive bombed the downed dragon.
« Not so fucking tough on the ground, are ya bitch! » Blitzo begun to shoot at the dragon with a shotgun, whilst Moxxie fired with a tommie gun.
In the meantime, Loona and Millie slashed and struck with claws, jaws and knives. Dvalin easily pushed the two away, and aimed his claws at Blitzo and Moxxie, who barely dodged.
« Damn it, the tommie is doing shit to him! » Moxxie cursed.
« Keep him busy! Doctor Blitzo is in the fucking house! » Blitzo replied, as he fired more bullets, before attempting to get on Dvalin's back.
Before he could do that, the dragon rose to the skies once more, before channelling inner energy and firing several blue orbs on the IMPs.
« I think Akira Toriyama is gonna sue someone. » Blitzo cursed at the sight, as he barely dodged the orbs coming down towards him.
Suddenly, however, Dvalin dived down on the IMPs, and fired a tornado out of his mouth, nearly hitting the IMPs and sending them flying.
« Tell me, how much did the people of Mondstadt pay you to get rid of me? You don't care about them, I can tell! » Dvalin roared out.
« Prior to this shit? A shit-ton of money. Now? This is personal. » Blitzo replied. « Don't you get it!? I can fucking heal you! Just stand still and be useful for once in your fucking existence! »
« You dare!? I've been more of a protector to Mondstadt than you four have ever been! And this is where it got me! »
« Nobody fucking asked! YOU chose to protect this shithole of a city! City of fucking freedom, remember!? » Moxxie shot back.
« In that case, I CHOOSE to destroy it now! »
« Then what? Will it heal you? Will it stop the pain?! » Loona demanded.
« Perhaps it wont…but it will make me feel better. » was Dvalin pain stake reply.
« Trust me buddy….it won't. » Blitzo replied, as he charged once more, firing at the dragon's face multiple times, hitting the eyes and causing the dragon to flintch.
Taking advantage of that opportunity, Blitzo jumped into the air and, channelling his Anemo power, he aimed at the blood knots. « Now be a good boy, AND TAKE YOUR FUCKING MEDICINE! » Blitzo roared out, as he let out the Anemo power and struck the knots at full strength, shattering them.
Dvalin roared in pain at the impact, and fell off the flying platforms.
Blitzo just looked at the spot where Dvalin was, a sad look on his face and sighed. « You might have been a good boy, Dvalin. Too bad you were such a shit man. »
As Blitzo walked away, however, the platforms begun to collapse.
« Look out! This place is collapsing! » Venti yelled out alarmed, him, Jean and Dulic being in a nearby platform.
« What the-where the hell were you, you morons!? » Blitzo exclaimed angrily.
« Not now! » Jean cried out.
Then, as the platforms collapsed, the group fell to their deaths.
Or so it should had been.
Instead, a flash of azure grabbed them, before they hit the ground. Then, as they recovered from the shock, they found themselves on top of Dvalin.
Venti smirked. « It's been a while since we flew like this together, huh, Dvalin? »
« Just now... Why... Why did you not ask me to protect you like the last time? » Dvalin asked.
« Well either because this femboy is an idiot…or perhaps he'd rather die than take you away the freedom to choose between turning us into shitstains down below. » Blitzo replied.
« I guess the latter is more likely. » Dvalin chuckled. « Say, weird little creature…what is your name? »
« Name's Blitzo, big guy. Also, congratulations for using your fucking brain for once, you scaly bastard. I know it must had been hard for ya! »
« And for that I must thank you. You're a good person, no matter how you conceal it. »
« Eat a dick, Shitzilla. » Blitzo casually shot back.
« Was THAT your best counter argument? » Dvalin chuckled.
« Oh, don't act all smug on us, "Stormterror". Just five minutes ago you were going around destroying Mondstadt! Don't think we forgot! » Moxxie shot back.
« Indeed. Perhaps I cannot be forgiven….But it does not matter. Know that you will have my eternal gratitude. » Dvalin replied.
« Oh, I don't even care at this point. » Moxxie fell on his back, resting after an arduous battle, as the dragon flew back to Mondstadt.
Xxxxxxx
One day later.
« You guys are back! » Amber exclaimed at the sight of the IMPs.
« Yeah, yeah, no biggie, just taught a dragon a fucking lesson about not throwing temper tantrums because they got an ouchie. » Blitzo casually replied.
« You just returned yesterday, right? Jean got back first, and she told us all about your heroic deeds. » Amber replied, before sighing. « I wonder if I'll ever get an opportunity like that... »
« Trust me, Amb. You DO NOT. » Moxxie replied, a sick look on his face.
« Oh, don't listen to our baby dicked friend here, he just recovered from vomiting 398530586439853958723405720359723057240597435 times on the way back from David's home. » Blitzo slapped Moxxie's back, causing the Imp to vomit once more.
« So what are you doing here? What, aren't there, like, hordes of Chili Churros to be penetrated in the ass? » Loona asked.
« Well, as a matter of fact, I'm dealing with the aftermath of the crisis as we speak. »
« Really? Something happened? » Millie asked concerned.
« While Master Jean was away, the monsters lurking nearby made a coordinated attack on the city. » Amber explained. « Fortunately, we weren't completely taken by surprise. I detected the hilichurls were moving closer to the city a while back. »
« Oh yeah, it was those shitstains that we killed when we first arrived here! » Blitzo remembered.
« Exactly. And if we hadn't started making preparations back then, Mondstadt would be in much greater danger by now. What I don't understand is how such primitive creatures could pull this off…»
« Looks like the Abyss mafia still lurks around, huh? » Blitzo reasoned.
« Thankfully we dealt with Dvalin. Might not be looking at a city if they got their hands on that big fella. » Moxxie added.
« That's right. And since I'm the Outrider, it's up to me to keep eyes on the Abyss Order from now on. » Amber replied, before massaging her temples. « Ugh, I'm sorry. You should be celebrating your victory, not listening to all this sombre talk! »
« Not to worry, my sweet monkey faced beaty! Now that we've been handsomely repaid for our fucking fetch quest, the celebration is on us! To the fanciest restaurant in this wasteland of a country! » Blitzo declared.
Xxxxxxx
At the Good Hunter.
« Greetings, may I take your order? » a waitress asked Kaeya.
« Why so cold? I've always thought that we enjoy quite the intimate friendship. » Kaeya smirked.
« Maybe she caught you fucking that other girl at red haired daddy's winery. » Blitzo teased the man, as he waltzed in the conversation.
« Oh, greetings, mighty warriors. Why grace me with such cold words, oh great hero of Mondstadt? » Kaeya replied.
« Pretty hard to trust you after the magic sword incident. » Moxxie replied.
Kaeya simply chuckled. « You'll never let that go, will you? »
« We'll "let go" when you're dead, you black Japanese cyclops! » Loona shot back.
« So what are you doing here? » Moxxie asked.
« Just looking for a quiet spot to collect my thoughts. » Kaeya replied.
« Okay, shitface. What are you plotting now? » Blitzo raised an eyebrow.
« How to deal with the Abyss Order. » Kaeya turned serious. « A dragon wreaks havoc in Mondstadt, and the Acting Grand Master leaves the city to combat the threat. Strategically, that's the perfect moment for the Abyss Order to make their move. And what did they do? Send a couple Hilichurls? »
« That…makes sense. I mean they're many, but even a child with explosives could defeat them. Hell, I'm pretty sure they did! » Blitzo noted.
« To get to the bottom of it, I decided to wait. So I waited, and watched for their next move. » Kaeya continued. « Then came the day when you made all hell break loose in Stormterror's Lair, just as hilichurls' cries sounded from the city gates. The same day, I saw shadowy figures lurking in the city itself. »
« Abyss Mages? » Millie asked.
« Indeed. And so I approached the Abyss Order infiltrators for a bit of... hmm, let's call it fraternizing. » Kaeya smirked evilly. « Through various means, I managed to gather some rather interesting intel. »
« Go on…. » Blitzo asked intrigued.
« The situation is this: The Abyss Order... they are united under two leaders. »
« Two leaders? » Loona asked.
« Yes. And it was them who devised the plot to turn Dvalin into a weapon of war. » Kaeya continued. « There's more... The Abyss Order has a name for them... They call them "The Princess and the Prince." »
« So we're dealing with some inbred fucks, huh? God I hope they aren't like the Hapsburg. » Blitzo groaned annoyed.
« Now, I'm sorry to cut this intelligence briefing short, but I do believe I spy Amber heading this way... » Kaeya shrugged. « I think she's still angry with me for my absence from the defense effort during the attack... I'd better slip away before she notices me. »
At surprising speed, the man managed to disappear in the crowd. Then, Amber arrived.
« One minute I see Kaeya, the next he's slipped away! Clear sign of a guilty conscience... »
« At least he didn't fool you with a god damned magic sword! » Blitzo complained.
« But let's forget about him. I worked super hard today and my tummy's rumbling. Let's order! » Amber exclaimed, before turning to the waitress. « Hi Sara! One Sticky Honey Roast, please...»
Xxxxxxx
As the group was having a meal.
« So. Now the Stormterror threat is behind us, what are your plans for the next step? » Amber asked.
« Meh. Nothing special. Chili Churros are still gonna be a pain in the ass, and you Fabulous knights have to deal with big boys and girls problems! » Blitzo casually replied.
« You know, I was hoping you would reconsider joining our ranks…» Amber commented.
« Pfff. Fuck no. I like being a rogue and being the boss of myself. Ain't this the city of freedom, tooths? » Blitzo replied.
« Yeah, I'll be honest, not that interested ourselves. Still, best of luck for you folks! » Millie added.
« And besides, I have to, like, learn how to use cool electric attacks! So where's Lisa, Amber? Think she can teach me a few tricks? » Loona asked.
« Why, absolutely! I think she's at the library. Should be able to learn the ways of Electro easily. » Amber replied. She then shivered a bit. « Strange…the air is quite chilly now, isn't it? »
« Now that you mention…yeah, feels like the worst part of getting in a pool… » Blitzo noted.
At the same time, Moxxie noted something at the outside of the Anemo temple. The air seemed to have condensed, like some sort of fog.
« Wait…something seems fishy… » Moxxie noted, as he pulled out his tommie gun.
Blitzo casually tossed a coin bag at the table, and pulled a knife and a pistol. « It's all on us. We'll be right back. »
As he said that, Millie pulled out a knife, whilst Loona growled angrily.
Xxxxxxx
At the entrance of the Anemo temple.
Venti was on the floor, gasping for air, as a woman towered over him. She was a tall woman with pale skin, platinum-blonde hair, and light grey eyes. Some of her hair was tied into two rose-shaped buns at the back of her head. She wore a black earring on her left ear and a black mask that covered her right eye. She was holding a blue crystal in one of her hands.
« So. This is a Gnosis? » the woman mocked the bard. « Wouldn't be caught dead wearing this ugly thing in public. »
« Beauty is a waste... when the beholder has no taste... » Venti weakly shot back, before the woman kicked him unconscious.
« Well, we have what we came here for. » the woman turned to other people in the area, Fatui agents to be precise. « Come. Before our dear Favonian friends arrive. Leave nothing for them to find-»
Before she could finish the sentence, a bullet flew inches away from her face, leaving a small scar on her cheek.
Suddenly, one of the Fatui agent was grabbed by Loona's jaws and her neck was utterly demolished. « Oh, they're gonna find plenty, Natasha! And it's gonna look like a Mondstadian Chainsaw bloody Massacre! » Blitzo yelled out, as he fired several bullets towards the Fatui.
Barely dodging the hits, the leader casted a spell, ice floating in the area, creating a small fog, preventing the IMPs to see.
Then, once the fog was gone, so were the Fatui, dead one included.
« God fucking damn it! We lost the Futas! » Blitzo cursed.
« Sir! We have bigger problems! » Moxxie exclaimed, as he inspected Venti. Seeing the unconscious bard, Blitzo ran towards him concerned.
« Hey femboy! Wake up! C'mon, tell me at least she was packing a 50 cm shlong down there! » Blitzo shook the unconscious bard. « Moxxie! Call the fucking knights! We need a medic! »
« On it! » Moxxie exclaimed in return.
Xxxxxxx
On the cathedral, some time later, the IMPs just sat, worried looks on their faces.
Then, coming out of a door, was a girl. She had ash blonde hair, grey-blue eyes, and fair skin. She wore her hair in two high pigtails that spiralled downward.
She wore a white frock that was open at the shoulders and a large white and blue bow in the front along with white tights, white ankle boots, and a blue and white cap. Her Vision was attached to a gold-adorned spell-book with a light blue cover and a small cross charm hangs at her side.
« So how bad is it, doc? Is he gonna able to walk? Do we have to pay insurance? » Blitzo asked concerned.
« What is insurance? » the girl asked.
« Never mind that! How's Venti!? Is he all right!? » Moxxie asked concerned.
« W-well…I have bad news….and confusing news… » the girl replied.
« Well let's get the bad news out of the way. » Millie said.
« The bad news is…. I wasn't able to heal him. » the girl replied.
« And the confusing news? » Blitzo asked.
« W-well, as I said, my healing powers had no effect on him…but he said he was completely fine and just….left…. » the girl replied once more.
The IMPs just looked at her with a deadpan expression on their faces. « Did he tell you where he was going? We want to make sure he NEEDS a stay in the hospital. » Moxxie asked angrily.
« The Symbol of Mondstadt's Hero, that's what he said. I wanted to stop him, but Jean— I mean, Master Jean said to let him leave. How strange. » the girl replied.
« Why am I not surprised….» Blitzo commented, as he exited the building.
Xxxxxxx
At the Symbol of Mondstadt's Hero, Venti sat on one of the tree branches, playing his lyre. « The wind amongst the branches is good, I love the way it smells...»
He then looked down, and noticed the IMPs walking towards him. « Hello my friends. Care to join me? »
« Not the first thing someone who has just been crippled would say. » Blitzo raised an eyebrow.
« As far as I'm aware…I do still have the ability to walk. But to say that I left the church unscarred would be incorrect. » Venti replied.
« What the hell happened? Did she rape you or some shit? » Loona asked.
Venti laughed nervously at the question. « Oh no! Not at all! But….she did stole something important for me. My Gnosis. »
«…Da fuck is a Gnosis? » Blitzo asked.
Venti sighed. « As you know, Visions are external magical foci that only a small minority of people possess. They use these Visions to channel elemental power. In truth, every wielder of a Vision is one who can attain godhood and ascend to Celestia. We call such people allogenes. »
« I see that even gods around here use racial slurs. » Blitzo commented annoyed.
« It's…not that, really. It's just that we don't need primitive tools like Visions. » Venti replied. « Instead, each archon has an internal magical focus that resonates directly with Celestia itself... known as a Gnosis. »
« What about the whore? I want to write her name in one of my bullets. » Moxxie asked angrily.
« Her name is Signora, No. 8 of the harbingers. » Venti explained. « She and the rest of the harbingers have been given god-like executive authority by the Tsaritsa of Snezhnaya, and with it, strength surpassing that of other mortals. »
« Oh yeah, the bitch. Dulic did mention her before this shitshow happened. »
« Well that's just uncalled for, you know? I used to know her, you know? » Venti replied angrily. He then sighed. « Guess she just changed. »
« And there it is! » Blitzo exclaimed, catching the attention of Venti. « Congratulations for being graduated in real fucking life! Yes, people change, and a lot of the times, for the fucking worst, as Dovaking or whatever showed! In short…life suuuuuucks. »
Venti chuckled, before narrowing his eyes. « Well that's funny. I still don't feel like being rude to everyone. Am I doing something wrong? »
« Nah. Keep the alcoholism and you'll be golden. » Blitzo smirked, pointing his index finger on his cheek.
Venti chuckled once more. « I'm afraid I have to disagree. Life is beautiful. And I'm certain that you too shall fall to its charm. »
« I mean yeah! How the hell is life gonna kick you in the nuts if it becomes predictable! » Blitzo replied.
« Well…one moment it may hurt you…the next might treat you to a glass of fine wine. You never know! And honestly…perhaps it's for the best. Would get boring after a while, hehe…. » Venti replied. « So now that the Stormterror crisis has been dealt with, what will you do? »
« Killing fucks, getting paid, collaborating with the Fabulous knights….hell, maybe getting connections with the other regions as well. Ain't this the city of freedom? We're free to do whatever we want! This is way better than hell! » Blitzo replied.
« True words, my friend. True words. In the meantime….that's that for the Anemo Archon's admonishments! Back to Venti Time! » Venti exclaimed.
« Enjoy your retirement, femboy! » Blitzo waved his hand, as he and the rest of the IMPs returned to Mondstadt.
But before the IMPs walked away, Venti called them. « Hey Moxxie! Millie! »
The two Imps turned towards the bard, before he smirked. « Catch! »
The bard tossed two Visions to the Imps, Millie one turning red and Moxxie one turning blue once they caught them. They looked at Venti in disbelief because of the gift.
« You have fought just as hard for the city of freedom…I do believe you deserve a reward. »
« Not gonna complain! » Moxxie waved the man, before turning to Millie. « Jeez, these guys really hand Visions over like candies. »
« Guess everybody here can become gods. Even Demons. » Millie shrugged.
« I know, right? Isn't it wild? Guess Satan should had made a pitstop to Animeland to be called a God. » Blitzo laughed, followed by the rest of the IMPs.
Xxxxxxx
Many thanks to Inanna for many of the suggestions for this chapter.
I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Please review so I can know your opinion. I'm willing to accept suggestions for what is going to happen, so stay tuned! Also, remember to like and follow, if you want!
See you to the next update!