Hermione awoke one Thursday in late May, yawned, and readied herself for Herbology and double Potions. She always made sure to wear the same robe on Thursdays so only one of her robes got excessively dirty, while the others stayed nice. She pinned her hair back as best she could and headed down to the Great Hall, idly wondering if they'd have fresh fruit.
She was enjoying some sliced pineapple and chatting idly with Blaise about the Arithmancy homework when the morning owls arrived. Many of them came bearing the day's Daily Prophet, and as soon as Hermione saw the headlines, it was as if her heart stopped, and the world seemed to fall apart.
WEREWOLF ATTACK AT THE MINISTRY!
Seven injured, three in critical condition
the main headline blared. The moving photo was of Ministry workers panicking and hiding behind a doorway, with Aurors shooting spells at actual werewolves, who were snapping their jaws and clearly trying to get to the cowering wizards. There was a photo of messages written in blood on the wall of the Ministry, and right below was the next bomb of a headline:
PETER PETTIGREW ESCAPES WITH WEREWOLF PACK!
Holding cell bars found ripped off with wolf teeth marks embedded in them
The photo was of bent cell bars with teeth marks on them, the cell noticeably empty.
"Merlin," Blaise breathed, his eyes wide as he looked at the paper. "What happened…?"
Horrified, Hermione read as fast as she could.
.
WEREWOLF ATTACK AT THE MINISTRY!
Seven injured, three in critical condition
On Wednesday night, a pack of werewolves attacked the Ministry of Magic. It is believed the werewolves entered the Ministry during the afternoon as regular guests and hid until the sun went down and they transformed. Ministry workers still at the Ministry that evening report running and hiding while fearing for their lives.
"I was working a bit late, trying to reconcile some of the Portkeys we're arranging for the World Cup, when I heard screaming," said Miriam Edgecombe, from the Department of Magical Transportation. "The next thing I know, the entire Magical Games and Sports department is spilling out from the stairwell, werewolves hot on their heels."
Seven Ministry workers were injured during the attack. They have all been transported to Saint Mungo's, where three are reported to be in critical condition.
"We did the best we could," said Lyle Crowley, from the Department of International Magical Cooperation. "We all eventually took refuge in the Magical Creatures department, where they had old silver wards embedded in the doors and a few silver holding cages. But not everyone made it."
The werewolves left clear messages on the walls of the Ministry Atrium, reading "you will not collar us" and "we will not be leashed" in blood. These messages are believed to be in response to recently proposed legislation which would require werewolves to wear a Portkey at all times to prevent transformation on British soil.
"This was planned," said Amelia Bones, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. "Wild werewolves cannot spell words or paint with blood. That means there were several werewolves who had taken enough Wolfsbane to keep their minds about them, and then deliberately decided to attack people anyway."
The attack is believed to have been led by Fenrir Greyback. Greyback is a notorious werewolf known for purposefully infecting others with lycanthropy and leading a pack of werewolves that run wild during the full moon. It is believed he has the eventually goal of recruiting enough werewolves to build an army to take over the wizarding community.
"Of course it was bloody Greyback," said Bones. "He left his bloody badge right at the base of his message, didn't he?"
This attack brings the werewolf question to the forefront of everyone's minds.
"Rest assured, the Minister is taking this matter very seriously," said Dolores Umbridge, Undersecretary to the Senior Undersecretary of the Minister. "Right now, he is with the victims of this terrible attack and their families. But I think I speak for us all when I say the Ministry must not allow this to happen ever again."
The accompanying photo spread didn't make it any less horrific. Hermione felt a sense of déjà vu looking at blood-splashed messages on the walls of the Ministry, so oddly similar to the message about the Chamber of Secrets she'd seen in her second year. These messages, though, were not written in chicken blood – these had been written with the blood of humans.
Another photo was a close-up of a visitor badge that had been found beneath one of the messages, reading:
Fenrir Greyback
Terrorist Attack
Swallowing hard, Hermione went on to the next story.
.
PETER PETTIGREW ESCAPES WITH WEREWOLF PACK!
Holding cell bars found ripped off with wolf teeth marks embedded in them
Peter Pettigrew escaped from the Ministry of Magic late Wednesday night, where he was being held for sentencing. Pettigrew had recently been found guilty of the murder of twelve muggles and the Potters. He was being held in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.
"Peter Pettigrew is a known rat Animagus," said Amelia Bones, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. "Azkaban is not equipped to hold someone who can turn into a rat. We were keeping him in a specially-enchanted holding cell on our floor while an appropriate cell was prepared for him at the prison."
Pettigrew's cell was found with the cell bars bent and broken, with wolf teeth marks embedded in the ripped-off bars. It is believed Pettigrew was purposefully targeted for this jailbreak by the werewolf pack.
"Werewolves don't target Animagi," said Amaranthe Tove, from the Animagus department. "They target humans. As soon as he was free, he would have been able to transform and stay safe."
The implications of this rescue are grim. Pettigrew is a known Death Eater who betrayed the Potters to You-Know-Who. Some fear the werewolves making a point of rescuing Pettigrew betrays their terrible plans.
"You-Know-Who allied with the werewolves and Dark creatures last time to help him overthrow the Ministry of Magic," said Tove. "If they decide they want his help to free them from this potential law, stealing a follower to help them locate You-Know-Who isn't the worst idea in the world."
.
Hermione felt a cold hand slowly closing over her throat, horror clutching her heart.
"I did this," she breathed.
"What?" Blaise said sharply, turning to look at her.
Hermione swallowed hard.
"I did this," she said. Her voice came out strangled. "This is my fault. If I hadn't introduced that legislation—"
Blaise reacted immediately, grabbing her hand and cutting off her words.
"This is not your fault," he told her firmly. "Look at me. Look at me, Hermione. This is not your fault."
"But it is," Hermione said, her eyes shining. "If I hadn't introduced that legislation, Greyback wouldn't have attacked all those people. Pettigrew wouldn't have gotten free. Blaise, this is—I—"
"Greyback is the one who decided to attack the Ministry," Blaise told her. "That is not on you. You were trying to help the werewolves."
"Yes, but look what happened! Seven people got savaged, and three of them might die—"
There was a whirl of a black cloak in the corner of Hermione's gaze as Snape suddenly appeared from nowhere. "Miss Granger. Come with me."
Hermione looked up to see Snape looking down at her, his face stony. She rapidly blinked her welling tears away, not wanting to cry in front of her teacher.
"Is it necessary she come now, sir?" Blaise asked. "Now's really not a good time—"
"It is imperative that it be now. Miss Granger?"
Hermione gathered up her bag, shoving the paper inside it and snagging a couple apples before following Snape out of the Great Hall. She glanced back at the Head Table as she left; Lupin and Dumbledore were nowhere to be seen, but McGonagall and Sprout looked very, very pale.
Snape led her down to his office, where he ushered her in and promptly locked the door. To her surprise, he moved his chair out from behind his desk to sit down across from her. His dark eyes met hers, and Hermione willed her eyes to remain dry.
She didn't manage it; the tears started leaking, and soon Hermione was crying as quietly as she could, unable to stop while Snape sat there nearby. His eyes weren't judging, and his solid presence seemed oddly comforting somehow, and he let her cry for a little while, silently offering companionship.
Eventually, her tears slowed, and Hermione looked up at Snape, who nodded.
"In my experience, guilt is a powerful feeling," Snape said quietly. "It can consume you, if you aren't careful."
"How can I not feel guilty?" Hermione asked, her voice coming out like a wail. She hiccuped. "It's my fault. If I hadn't proposed that legislation—"
"You could not have known what would happen before it did," Snape said gently. "You could not have known how the dominoes would fall."
"I could have, though," Hermione said. "Theo's dad even said at the Wizengamot—he said it could enrage the werewolves further—"
"It could have also had the werewolves celebrate you as a hero for finding a reasonable solution for handling their affliction," Snape said. "It could have also had the werewolves run away to form their own society on an island. You had no way of knowing how things would unfold."
"I could have run the numbers," Hermione said. "Arithmancy—I would have known the odds—"
"Hermione." Snape steepled his hands, exhaling. "I am close friends with Professor Vector, who is an Arithmancy genius. And even she would say this: you could not have known."
Hermione sniffed and hiccuped. Snape's eyes softened.
"There are too many variables, and we can never know exactly what the future holds," Snape said quietly. "I understand you feel responsible for this. But the best way to handle this is to make sure it never happens again."
"What, to keep pushing the legislation?" She sniffed again, wiping her nose. "I mean, it would mean no more easy werewolf attacks, but they'd have to catch all the renegade ones first—"
"That will help," Snape said. "In my experience, working to atone and make amends helps alleviate the guilt the most."
"What, from personal experience?" Hermione looked up at Snape, curious despite her upset state.
"I am only human. I have my own issues with guilt," Snape said. "I know what it is to be in the situation of having hurt those you were trying to protect or help."
"What did you do?" Hermione asked, unable to help herself.
Snape's lips thinned, and he looked away.
"Something I will regret to my dying day," he said quietly.
Snape stood and went over to his desk. He pulled a piece of parchment from his top drawer and brought it over. He held it aloft and raised an eyebrow, and somehow, Hermione understood.
"Gemino."
The duplicate floated down from the air, and as Snape went to replace his own parchment, Hermione looked at the one she'd copied, Snape's spiky script making a list.
1. Name your guilt
2. Explore the source
3. Apologize and make amends
4. Self-compassion
5. Learn from the past
6. Guilt as a tool
7. Talk to people
8. Practice mindfulness
9. Forgive yourself
10. Let go
"What is this?" she asked.
"A list," Snape said dryly. He sat down again. "It was supposed to help me with my own guilt complex."
Hermione blinked. "Did it?"
Snape sighed. "Somewhat."
They sat there in silence for a moment, both looking down at the list. Finally, Snape took a deep breath.
"Over the course of last year, I realized I was being unfair and unjust," Snape said. "I was doing it because I was holding on to a lot of guilt and hatred. I… have been trying to work through it. Slowly."
Hermione suddenly had the mental image of Snape laying back on a chaise lounge, talking to a muggle psychiatrist who was rapidly writing on a pad.
"The list has helped," Snape went on. "I have named my guilt; I know the source. I am… trying to make amends, and I have learned from the past. But being mindful of the guilt helps it not… consume me, as it once threatened to."
He looked at her, black eyes steady on hers.
"Guilt can consume you," he told her quietly. "It nearly consumed me. And you have too many people counting on you, Miss Granger, to allow it to consume you."
Hermione bit her lip and looked down at the list Snape had given her. She crinkled the edges slightly with a finger, toying with it, before she took a deep breath.
"I feel guilty," she said, "because people got hurt because of me. I feel guilty because I feel like I should have known that a werewolf attack was a possible consequence of my legislation, and I didn't think about that before I proposed it."
Snape nodded. "Good."
"And—I didn't mean to," Hermione said, choking on her words. She blinked furiously, fighting the tears back. "I'm sorry – I would tell the hurt people in person, I never meant—"
"An apology should not be just an outpouring of emotion." Snape's eyes were dark. "To make an effective apology, Miss Granger, you need to acknowledge your role, show remorse, avoid making excuses, and ask for forgiveness."
Hermione took a deep breath.
"I… I am at fault… partially at fault," she corrected, at Snape's sharp look, "for not anticipating how the werewolf community might react. If I had been more careful, I could have made sure the Wizengamot session was a sealed session or asked for a confidentiality order. Because I did not, people got hurt."
Snape nodded. "Better."
"I am sorry," Hermione said, her voice breaking a bit. "I never intended it to happen, and I am so sorry it did, and sorry that I played a role in it. I should have done better, I should have anticipated more, I should have been more responsible." She took a deep breath. "I will do better in the future. I will."
"The most heartfelt apology means nothing if you never do things differently going forward," Snape said. "What amends will you make? Can you commit to change?"
"I can… I can make amends by making sure the legislation goes through." She bit her lip. "To make sure it doesn't happen again. And by trying to protect the Ministry from attack in the future, maybe. Somehow."
"Ministry security is likely out of your reach," Snape said, raising an eyebrow.
"That's fair," Hermione sighed. "But… I can commit to being more thoughtful. To anticipating what might happen as after-effects of my actions. I can learn from the past."
"Can you?" Snape asked mildly. "What would you have done differently, if you got to do it all over again?"
Hermione bit her lip.
"I would have asked for a sealed session," she said. "That the bill not be announced until it'd been voted on. I would have… I would have been more cognizant of the werewolf community that wouldn't want to be helped."
"But you would have still proposed your bill?"
"Yes." Hermione was certain on that. "I still think it's the right thing to do. I still think I'm helping. I just… didn't consider all the after-effects of it all."
"Then you made a mistake," Snape said. "That makes you human. It doesn't make you a bad person."
"I never thought I was a bad person!" Hermione objected. "I just thought—I just feel—"
She broke off, unable to articulate the awful feeling eating her stomach and choking her, and after a moment, Snape nodded.
"Forgiving yourself is crucial to moving on," he said. "It involves four steps: taking responsibility for your actions, expressing remorse and regret without letting it transform into shame, committing to making amends for any harm you caused, and practicing self-acceptance and trusting yourself to do better in the future."
"Four steps," Hermione said. "Right." She paused. "Err—first was—"
"Taking responsibility for your actions," Snape said.
"Right. So. I did that. I acknowledge part of this was my fault. I have expressed remorse." She bit her lip. "I'll do my best to make amends for the harm I caused. And I…"
"You need to trust yourself to do better in the future," Snape said.
Hermione paused, and Snape raised an eyebrow.
"Do you not—"
"I don't know if I can trust myself," Hermione admitted, looking down. "To do better, I mean. I know I'm impulsive, and I don't often look past my end goal to see what's down the road."
The ghost of a smile touched Snape's lips. "No one, Miss Granger, has ever said change was easy."
Hermione gnawed on her lip, thinking.
"I… I trust myself to try to do better," she said. "But that's not quite good enough, is it? So… I'll try to tell my friends. And others. If I can't see past my end goal, maybe they will, and they can tell me what I need to watch for and be aware of. And that way, I can reduce the harm caused in advance." She looked up at Snape. "Changing myself and my flaws is hard, but it's at least a little easier to account for the personality flaw and mitigate it in advance, right?"
Snape pinched the bridge of his nose tightly. Hermione winced.
"Err—so self-acceptance is next, right?" she prompted. "In order to forgive myself?"
Snape sighed.
"It is." He fixed her with a look. "You will need to sit with your emotions and allow yourself to feel them. Feel them, acknowledge them, and then let them go."
"Just… sit?" Hermione already felt terrible. She didn't think deliberately stewing in this awful, suffocating feeling would help her in any way.
"Meditate. Practice mindfulness," Snape instructed. "Feel, acknowledge, and let go. Accept your mistakes and your limits and your flaws. You are only human, and no human is perfect."
"I know," Hermione sighed. "I just… I wish I could be, sometimes, you know?" She looked up at Snape earnestly. "I mean, I feel guilty now for my mistake, but I feel guilty other times for not doing more. Like, if I didn't 'accept my limits', would I be able to help people more? If I were perfect, would I know what the best thing to do would be?"
Snape sighed very deeply, and a wry smile touched his lips.
"Only you, Miss Granger," he said, "would feel guilty for not being God."