Chapter 4 - Departure
Author's Note: Ahsoka makes her decision. :)
~ Amina Gila
Rex finds himself in the communication room probably far more than he has time to be, just waiting in case they'll get a transmission from Outer Rim command that they've spotted Ahsoka somewhere. Except, the urgent call he gets next is from the General instead.
Apparently, she found a way back on her own. And it was some Trandoshans who took her, not the Separatists.
He's never been quite so relieved when he sees her step off the shuttle, alongside Anakin. "Commander," he greets, approaching.
"It's... good to be back," Ahsoka replies, glancing around. She looks more than a little relieved at being back here.
"It's good to have you back, Commander," Rex answers, "What happened?"
"A Trandoshan stunned me. They were using a stun net," she tells him. There's a certain shadow to her face as she talks about it, that makes his protective instincts swell instantly.
"What did they want with you?" That's what he really doesn't understand.
"They were hunting her," Anakin answers instead, a barely veiled anger slipping into his voice.
"Hunting her?!" Rex repeats, incredulously. "For... what?"
"Sport," Ahsoka replies, flatly, "There were many other people there too, but only a couple former padawans were able to make it."
They were hunting Ahsoka – their Commander, their... kid – for sport. Now, he really wishes they'd been able to find her before she had to escape on her own, for multiple reasons. "What happened to these Trandoshans?" he demands.
"We called in the Wookies for help. All the ones on that island were killed."
He has no sympathy. At all. And he still almost wishes he could've been there with the General to rescue her from those people.
"We won't let them get near you again, Commander," Rex promises.
She nods, giving him a small smile before heading off to greet the others who were waiting for her return. She's not close with any of the others on a personal level, but she's still their Commander, and they all noticed every moment that she was gone. They all would've done anything to find her. Aside from respect because of her position and what she does for them, there's always been an understanding that she's the General's kid that they're all helping care for.
"I am concerned about her," Anakin admits, as they watch her go.
Rex nods. "I can't imagine this ordeal would have been easy for her."
"No," Anakin agrees, "It's different than war. She has never had to face the reality of the world, outside of fighting."
That... Rex knows. None of them know anything beyond battle and what the Republic's given them. Aside from the Separatists, there's a limit to how much they know about what other natborns are capable of. He's heard that sometimes clones disappear and that there's rumors that people are selling them on the black market. The General was very upset when he'd heard about it, though he didn't really seem surprised, and he'd... mentioned that once long ago, his dream had been to free all the slaves. He said he still wants to if he has the chance someday.
"We'll keep an eye on her. Something like this won't happen again," Rex promises.
"You did what you could," Anakin assures, though he smiles faintly for a moment, "Though I don't doubt that you and the boys will. But she is... questioning more about the Order. She mentioned leaving. It's a possibility we may need to be prepared for."
What?
"Leaving?" Rex echoes, almost disbelievingly. Yes, he's having so many questions, too, but leaving wasn't something that truly occurred to him. It's just... unthinkable. Even if he briefly thought of Cut, wondering what it would be like to live like that. But it was always different, unthinkable, because even if Rex doesn't know how much he can trust the Republic anymore, he still believes in it. It's the only life he's ever known.
"Not the war necessarily, but the Order itself," Anakin replies, "I... understand her questions well."
Rex still doesn't know what to think about what they say. And he can't imagine the Commander leaving. He didn't even know Jedi could leave, but... it wouldn't change much if she left the Order and still stayed with them. "I don't know what to think about what we saw, sir," Rex admits, "Fighting for the Republic is all we've ever done. We've lost so many brothers in the war, but if not for the war, we wouldn't exist." That makes his feelings about the war itself complicated. It's never something he had a reason to give much thought to until now.
"I know," he says, "I don't know that there are any... clear answers right now, Rex. We believe in what we're fighting for, and right now, I just hope that will be enough."
He can only hope so too, but he doesn't know. He isn't sure that they would know either, until it's too late.
**w**
It's only been a few days since everything happened, and Ahsoka still doesn't know what her decision will be, but she... just doesn't think she belongs as a Jedi anymore. Even if nothing's really changed, it doesn't feel like she fits here anymore. Her questions are only growing, and the other Jedi as a whole are oblivious.
Anakin finally suggests that she spent a little time away from the Jedi, the war, and... all of it, which is how she finds herself at the Senate to visit Senator Amidala. She's been there before, of course, but never very frequently.
"It's been a long time since you were last here," Padme says, moving between looking at her and back at the holopads on her desk.
"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Ahsoka asks. "If you're busy..."
"It's fine," Padme reassures almost immediately. "Anakin told me what happened, that you were taken and that you came back."
She keeps having nightmares about it, almost every night. Sometimes, she jolts awake afraid that she's back there again or that there's lizards chasing her, and... But she doesn't comment on any of that. It's not important, and it isn't as though that was the first difficult mission she's been on. Ahsoka will deal with that the same way she has with everything else. "Anything I can help you with here?" Ahsoka asks, instead. She wants to stop thinking about everything for a little bit.
"Not right now," Padme replies, "The Senate will actually be going into session shortly, and I'll have to attend. You can come if you want."
"Sure," she agrees.
Being inside the massive Senate chambers is always incredible, seeing the sheer enormity of it. She stays in the back of the pod listening to the bills being presented, though pretty soon, she's beginning to regret coming here. She doesn't know if she understands a word of this, and if she does, she's far from impressed.
"Did they lose you somewhere?" Padme asks dryly, away from the microphone as the Senator from Cato Neimoidia goes on and on about something ridiculous, and everybody apparently is just going to ignore that he's very obviously a Separatist sympathizer in the first place. More like a "keep the war going for profits" sympathizer, actually.
"Long ago," Ahsoka huffs, crossing her arms, "But it sounds like everyone's just trying to keep the fighting going." So much for coming here to get something else to think about. Now, she can just see all up close and personal what a failure the Republic is, and this mess is the very Senate that the Jedi serve.
What's that going to mean for the future?
"Sometimes it feels that way," Padme admits, "And there are people who stand to gain from it who likely are, but not the majority."
That doesn't do much to make her feel better, even if she already knew that. "All I hear is that the corruption is getting worse," she says, finally, "That's what Anakin tells me."
"He's not wrong," Padme concedes, reluctantly, "But the system isn't entirely lost."
"I don't know if I can stay here anymore," she blurts.
Padme frowns. "What do you mean?"
"In the Order. I... When I was taken by the Trandoshans I saw things, and I need to sort them out. I can't do that when I'm a part of the Order." Maybe she'll come back, but she just... wants to be away right now.
"You're still young, Ahsoka. A step like this is serious," Padme argues, "Are you sure it's wise?"
"That's part of why I came here, to... clean my head," Ahsoka admits, "But seeing the Senate in action is only doing the opposite." She sighs quietly. "I just don't know anymore. There's so much corruption everywhere. I'm not sure I can trust organizations to make the right choices for the people."
"It can be hard," Padme concedes, "It often is, and making the right choices, or even knowing what they are, isn't easy, but what matters is that we try."
"I used to think so, too," Ahsoka answers, "But now, I can't. I know there are people who do, but I don't think it's enough, and I don't want to be a part of something I don't believe in anymore.
"That's fair," Padme assures, "You don't have to stay if you don't want to, but what would you do if you didn't? This has always been your life."
"I don't know. I'm... still figuring that out."
**w**
Anakin already knows what Ahsoka's decision is going to be, when she comes to talk to him. She looks nervous, uncertain, and he waits patiently for her to talk without pressing. Anakin remembers back when he was younger, when he was going to leave the Order, and it was so hard for him to tell Obi-Wan that.
"You reached a decision?" he prompts.
She nods. "I... I want to do it, to leave. I don't know what I'm going to do then, but I don't think I can stay anymore."
When Anakin was going to do this, he already had Palpatine offering him somewhere to go. For a fleeting moment, he wonders where he would be now, if he had chosen a path outside the Order. But then, he would never have met Ahsoka or the boys, and he doesn't know if Obi-Wan would've been there with him, either. "Do you know what you want to do after?" Anakin asks.
"I'm staying with you," she replies, determinedly, "And I might come back to the Order someday. I don't know. I want to know more about the past the machine was showing, if there's anything out there."
He's admittedly been curious himself, but the details of it don't matter so much as doing something about the state the galaxy is in now. But if Ahsoka wants to look into it herself, he wouldn't stop her. Besides, the war front has never been the place for her. Padawans were never supposed to be fighting on the frontlines, but the Senate had pushed for it, and the Council went along with it as they have most everything recently.
"If there are any remnants that you could learn more from, I suspect it would be if something's left of the Grey Force Order that Yasha was planning to start," Anakin muses, "But if there were other Force users out there, we should have found out about them by now, unless they're well-hidden." And all other knowledge of this past was erased entirely, so he doubts there's anything beyond that.
"They were supposed to be the ones keeping the shield around the galaxy," Ahsoka points out, "Unless that's not a concern anymore."
"Yeah," Anakin agrees, "And they were supposed to be in a place that's hard to find, far away from the rest of the galaxy. I suspect it's out there somewhere, and if it is, then it's something we can find. They could help us." At least he suspects they could, though he's not entirely certain. Probably, they could show Anakin and Ahsoka more about the Force, give them answers which they need the Jedi haven't been able to offer.
He can't imagine what it would be like to meet Force users who use both the Dark and Light sides, though. That's something the Jedi have always taught against, though especially when he was younger, the whole conflict wasn't something he really understood. It seemed wrong for the Jedi to try forcing their beliefs on others, or killing them for disagreeing, but he didn't question it because... Well, all the Jedi Masters were far more experienced than him and should know what they're doing. But now, it feels like he's wondering about everything again.
"I... think I want to find them," Ahsoka admits, "But I don't know where to start looking. Or when."
"You could search the Archives for any records of any ancient Jedi Temples, or just Temples of any Force users," Anakin suggests. It's tricky, because this is from thousands of years ago. They won't have any up-to-date information on it. "It's also possible that some of the small Jedi Temples in the Outer Rim might have legends of something." It'll be a very in-depth search and would take a long time. Not something he has time to get involved in right now, as intrigued as he is by the idea.
But Ahsoka... She could do it if she left, even if he doesn't like the idea of her being away from him. He nearly lost her twice. If she was far away searching through possibly even unexplored regions of the galaxy, he wouldn't have a way to protect her if something happened.
He wants her to stay close, somewhere that he'll know she's safe and that he can protect her, but... that isn't in his power now any more than it ever has been. Yes, he can try, but it isn't always enough.
"Sounds like I better get started," Ahsoka chirps, "That's going to be a lot of researching."
"You did used to have a job in the Archives," Anakin points out. Back before she'd become a padawan, she'd helped there. She wasn't going to become one, but then the war broke out, and the Council was pushing as many Initiates as they could out to the fronts.
"I'll work on it, in between missions," she decides, finally, "I'm not ready to go out searching... yet."
He's frankly grateful for that, because he can't imagine her just leaving right now, even if he knows she's coming back. It'll be a long time once she does go, because he can't go, too. And he's not ready for that yet, either.
But when he reaches to the Force for guidance, something he's tried to learn doing a little more, it seems to nudge him onwards. This is the path they're supposed to take. Maybe that means their search won't turn out fruitless, after all.
**w**
Obi-Wan can tell that something's not right when Anakin and Ahsoka come into the Council chambers. It's been several weeks since the Citadel mission, the last time he worked directly with Anakin, so he's not sure what's prompting... whatever's going on.
"Requested to speak with us, you did?" Yoda asks.
"Yes," Ahsoka replies, glancing at Anakin for a moment before looking back to the Council, as though steeling herself. "I've been considering this for a while now, and I want to leave the Order."
There's a moment of absolute silence.
She... what?
She's planning to leave? The last Jedi to walk out of the Order was Dooku, and any other time, Obi-Wan would've considered it a serious betrayal. But he knows they've all been questioning this, though taking a step so far is an entirely different story.
"Why would you desire this, little 'Soka?" Plo asks, the first to find his voice.
"When I was taken by those Trandoshans, I realized how many people we aren't helping, even when they need us," Ahsoka replies, firmly, "I know we don't have the resources to help everyone, especially with the war, but I... want to find my own path beyond this."
More silence. None of the others know where this started, and Obi-Wan isn't inclined to enlighten them.
"This isn't a decision to be taken lightly," Windu speaks up, finally, "We need all the Jedi we can to continue fighting. Our duty is more important than ever right now."
"We can't keep someone in the Order if they want to leave," Obi-Wan points out, bluntly. He can't say that he supports her decision at all, but...
"Anything to say, have you, Skywalker?" Yoda asks.
"No, Master," Anakin replies, gaze briefly darting to Obi-Wan, "This is my padawan's choice."
"I've thought this through," Ahsoka asserts, "I'm planning to stay in the military, but I want to leave."
"Your decision, this is," the Grandmaster says, finally, "Always a place for you in the Order there will be, Padawan Tano."
Silence hangs in the room, even after Anakin and Ahsoka step out. Everyone was caught off-guard by the decision, even Obi-Wan.
"This is... unexpected," Plo comments. "Ahsoka has never expressed these kind of questions in the past."
"I question the influence Skywalker has had on her," Windu says.
He's always had a problem with Anakin. Obi-Wan's never understood why, but Jedi have their own internal problems sometimes, just like there were many who didn't get along well with Qui-Gon. "We don't know that's where her questions came from," Obi-Wan points out.
"Skywalker nearly left the Order once," Windu points out.
"Years ago. But he saw the value in staying." What he'd explained to Anakin back then is part of the reason Obi-Wan could never imagine doing that, because this is where they have the resources to do what they've always been taught. They're part of something larger and can make far more of a difference. Besides the Jedi have always been their family.
"This is unexpected, but it is Padawan Tano's choice. And there are other matters that urgently need our attention," Shaak Ti interrupts.
The conversation moves on from there, to discussing various war matters. It goes as always, until they start discussing the planet Mundi's been trying to take for a long time, though it's been going nowhere.
"I need more troops. We can't lose this position," Mundi asserts, firmly.
It's not that Obi-Wan's never cared about the losses in the past, but he accepted it as part of the war effort. But... fighting there is beginning to seem senseless, especially when he sees the destruction and takes a genuine moment to ask himself it it's actually worth it.
"Perhaps we should considerer pulling back," Obi-Wan objects, "If you have made no progress yet, it's unlikely more troops will help."
"We can't lose this position," he argues, "At least we have to keep holding it."
Even though he's getting so many people killed.
Yes, it might be an important position, but that doesn't mean there's not a time to call their losses and consider trying something else. The others don't seem that concerned about all those lost, though. Not even though they have reports of the devastation to the planet itself and the people there that the fighting has left behind.
How much of that civilization is left now? Will any of it be left when the war is over? How many planets are already in the same condition or worse, partly because of what the Jedi are doing?
Maybe Obi-Wan can actually understand Ahsoka's desire to leave and all of Anakin's questions better than he thought. He wouldn't do that himself though, because it feels like he's running from his duty. Because he still does have a duty to the Jedi, to the Code, and he's not going to betray that.
**w**
The moments the 501st actually have a moment to just... relax instead of spending every spare second that they have resting for the next fight are few and far between, though Anakin's been doing his best to make sure they have as much time to recover as they need. Which doesn't always happen, but at least it's something. Not that he didn't try before, but now he's... even more determined to everything he can to take care of them first.
How the conversation ended up with them discussing the fastest ways to end the war, even the most ludicrous and outlandish ones, he doesn't remember but it still helps a little to actually imagine the war ending.
Ahsoka would be here, except she's up in the Cruiser working on her research project now that they have a moment to spare.
"Thinking of the best ways to smuggle explosives onto Grievous' ship and detonate them isn't going to end this. Isn't it Dooku we need to get for that?" Echo asks, finally.
"Yes," Anakin replies, then pauses, "Although, there is a possibility that there's a Sith other than him." Everything they know about that is what Dooku himself told them, so what is or isn't a lie is anybody's guess.
"Is there?" Jesse queries, obviously disappointed, "And he's part of the war, too?"
"If Dooku is to be believed," he answers, slowly, "This 'Sidious' has control of the Senate. But that could well be a claim to make us lose faith in the Republic." Not that that's not already happening for many, anyway.
"Does that mean he's a Senator?" Fives asks immediately, because of course, that's the first thing he has to say.
"We have no way of knowing," Anakin replies, "But there's no guarantee of anything. It could be from the sidelines, and I suspect it is, but it's possible."
"You sure it's not Tarkin?" Fives inquires, dryly.
Jesse snorts. "He's not in control of the Republic."
"Can't they... wiggle their hands around and control the Senate like that?"
"Mind tricks aren't quite that simple," Anakin replies, suppressing a laugh.
"What about the Chancellor?" Fives quips, "He's in control of the Senate, isn't he?"
Anakin nearly snorts at the thought. Sith may not be purely evil, but they aren't kind, either. A Sith wouldn't have taken so much time and effort to help him, wouldn't have encouraged him to follow his heart and help people when it felt like no one else would. "Absolutely not. And he just leads the Senate; he doesn't control it. Besides, he's my friend."
Fives deflates a little. "What about... Orn Free Ta?"
"I'd say yes," Echo offers, "But I don't think he has the character for... electric fingers. I don't think that would look right on him."
Anakin laughs. He can't help it – he certainly has never liked the Senator. "Too obvious," he replies, "And he's not cunning enough."
"And to put it bluntly," Jesse interjects, "He's... too fat to fight with a lightsaber."
"What about Lott Dod?" asks Echo, "Isn't he secretly funding over half the war?"
"Too obvious," Anakin replies, not even considering it for a moment. "If it really was someone in the Senate, it would be the last person we expect."
"Like Senator Organa?" Fives offers, cheerfully.
"... I don't believe the Sith would thwart their own plans like that." Not that he knows exactly what the Sith's plans are, but Bail has been one of the few constant peace proponents. That wouldn't even make sense.
Unless they're trying that hard to hide, it's probably someone supporting the war. He could be wrong though, and theorizing will get them nowhere. It won't bring them any closer to discovering the truth, even if it is almost comical to discuss.
"We won't figure out this way," Anakin points out, even if the discussion is admittedly entertaining.
"How could we figure out?" Fives asks, a little more soberly.
He wishes he had the answer to that. Maybe finding these other Forces users could help with that. "Right now, we have no leads. We have no way to know if he's real. But if he is, he will play his hand too far eventually." Or at least, he can hope so.
It's then that his comm suddenly beeps, and it's Ahsoka calling from the cruiser. She looks unusually excited, for how serious she's been lately.
"What is it?" Anakin asks, a sudden tendril of hope filling him.
"I think I found something. A clue, at least."
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