Night had come to Hogwarts, with the flickering flames of torches providing most of the illumination.
Which, when you think about, was both really dumb, and an extreme fire hazard, magical or not. But wizards do love their little eccentricities, and I digress.
A shadowy figure in a cloak darted from shadow to shadow, making their way high up through the various levels. Their hood turned as a distant light approached, and a sound was heard. Quickly, the mysterious figure darted into an alcove, vanishing into the shadows.
Down the corridor echoed two voices, as a Howarts professor and student walked along. They passed the alcove, and the professor paused.
"Huh? Yunyun, why are you hiding like that?" Aqua demanded, planting her hands on her hips. "Are you stalking Megumin again?"
"I-I, um, n-no," Yunyun stammered, lowering her hood. "How did you s-see me, P-Professor?"
"Duh, I can see in the dark like you!" Aqua laughed. "Hey, why are you up here, anyway? I was just taking Luna back to bed, because she was helping me spread the good word of the Axis Cult!"
"Lady Aqua wrote a most insightful article for the Quibbler, explaining how tooth decay is actually caused by a criminal conspiracy against the Axis Cult, and therefore it's OK to eat as much sugar and sweets as you want," Luna explained. "Just as long as you wash it all down with Axis Brand Edible soap. Would you like some?"
"Um, n-no," Yunyun said, slowly stepping out from her hiding place and looking around. "I, um, I was just…" She swallowed. "I-I'm not going to get d-detention for being out late, am I?"
"Huh? Nah. Who goes around giving people detention?" Aqua said, making a face. "That's no fun at all."
"O-Oh, g-good. W-well, um, I-I'll just be g-going…" Yunyun turned to go, only to find that Aqua and Luna were now following her.
"Where are we going?" Aqua asked brightly. "Are you on a super secret mission?"
"She's probably searching for nargles. They're very good for helping you find friends," Luna said, nodding to herself.
"F-friends?" Yunyun asked, pausing.
"Yeah, totally! Luna's like, super smart, and can see nargles and wrackspurts," Aqua agreed.
"Um, w-well, I'm not looking for n-nargles right now," Yunyun said slowly. "So, um…"
"Oh, are you looking for the Curse? We've been looking too!" Aqua said eagerly. Her expression fell. "I kinda forgot- I mean, I've been looking for the Curse on the Defense position so I could exorcise it! Are you looking for it too so I can stay here with you guys and hang out?"
"N-no, b-but I'll help you later," Yunyun promised. She shifted nervously from foot to foot, smiling. "I, um, I'm going to see some friends...b-but it's a secret, s-so…"
"Oh, is that the meeting of the Crimson Demon Clan that Megumin is having because Kazuma stole Ron's sister?" Aqua asked. She shrugged. "Don't worry about it, he'll get bored with Ginny eventually and come back to Megumin. Or maybe you. Or Darkness. Hmm. Maybe it would be Ginny, you guys are so confusing sometimes…"
"Oh, are you part of a dastardly secret organization that seeks to bring about the downfall of wizarding society?" Luna asked, her normally serene expression taking on a far more curious glint.
"Um…" Yunyun looked nervously back and forth between Aqua and Luna. "W-well, y-you are my friends...so...um...we are meeting a-about Ginny…"
"Awesome, let's go! Lead the way!" Aqua declared.
Seemingly outgunned, Yunyun led the way to a mostly empty tower, up a trap door, to the cold roof outside.
"At last!" Megumin declared as Yunyun emerged to join the rest of the Crimson Demon Clan shivering on the roof, half a dozen cloaked and hooded figures behind her. "Our final member- YUNYUN! Did you rat on us?! You brought a professor!"
"Um, w-well, P-Professor Aqua says she won't give us d-detention," Megumin said, her stutter growing worse as her teeth chattered. It was only the middle of September, but Scotland was not known for its balmy nights.
"Hi guys, are we going to prank Kazuma?" Aqua asked eagerly as she scrambled up onto the roof. "We should totally prank Kazuma!"
One of the hooded figures chuckled, then elbowed his companion. "See, George? I told you she was a brilliant prof."
"Dunno about brilliant, but I like the cut of her jib, Fred-O!"
"Wait, is this… a sanctioned Club meeting?" Percy asked nervously. "I would have submitted the proper paperwork if that were the case…"
"Professor, are you really sure you should be participating in pranking a student?" Hermione asked, sounding very uncertain of herself.
"Well, I dunno. I just know I like tricking Kazuma!" Aqua laughed. She put her arms around Megumin and Darkness, a wide grin on her face. "The girls and I do it all the time!"
"Do we?" Darkness asked, sounding both confused and uncomfortable.
"Of course! You shall be a powerful ally, giving us inside information on the inner workings of the school as we plan our masterstroke!" Megumin agreed.
"Wait, hold on, this was my idea!" Ron protested. "We're just supposed to think of a way to get Ginny into Gryffindor where she belongs, and we're meeting here because otherwise Yunyun couldn't have come."
"I"m just here to make sure no one gets into trouble," Percy huffed. "It's my duty as a prefect to-"
"Oh stuff it, Purse the Ponce," George said, rolling his eyes. "You're just worried mum will send you a howler."
"She'll do it too, you know it. Make you turn in your badge and go home in shame," George agreed, making a tsking noise.
"Hmm, Lady Aqua, we should perform a cleansing ceremony," Luna said, looking around the group. "There are a great many wrackspurts here."
"Oh wow, you think so? Those are the ones that make you fall in love, right?" Aqua said. She frowned at the horrified looks on the faces of the younger conspirators. "I mean, they usually end up doing that anyway…"
"No, those are usually nargles," Luna said. "There may be some as well, but I think this entire group is infested with wrack spurts."
"Well you know what that means!" Aqua suddenly ripped off her robes, causing horrified gasps from several students, and Percy to put his hand over Ron's eyes. However, he needn't have bothered, as underneath her robes, Aqua was somehow wearing a second set of robes, these those of a Japanese Miko, though colored blue instead of the traditional red.
"Are you ready, Luna!?" Aqua demanded, producing an incense burner and two onusa wands.
Luna took an onusa, and then she and Aqua began to skip and dance around the edge of the room, spouting various inane nonsense as they wafted incense about.
"The Goddess Eris Pads her chest!"
"Slay the Demons! Defeat the Devil King!"
"Sometimes running away is winning!"
For a moment, the rest of the group could only stare at them in confusion. Finally, Darkness broke the silence.
"Well, I don't know how much planning we will get done now...you should just let me punch Kazuma."
"No, we have to convince Ginny to come to Gryffindor!" Ron declared. "We have to come up with something to show her how lame Slytherin is, and get her re-sorted into Gryffindor!"
"Won't we need the Hat for that?" Hermione asked. "How do you even re-sort someone?"
"We could knick the Hat," George offered.
"No! No stealing school property!" Percy gasped, horrified.
"We're already breaking a load of rules, might as well add a few more to your rap sheet," Fred said, slapping Percy on the back.
"Yes, we must steal the Sorting Hat!" Megumin agreed. "That is the most sensible way! We must also perform a great and mighty deed, to show that the Crimson Demon Clan, and by extension Gryffindor is superior in every way!"
"Um," Yunyun said. She timidly raised her hand.
"Yes, Yunyun?" Megumin asked. "Do you volunteer to steal the Hat?"
"N-no...I, um, I was thinking...c-couldn't we all be friends? I-I'm friends with Kazuma, D-Draco, and Dust...we could be friends with Ginny too!"
"No! That's impossible!" Ron snarled. "Those bastards stole my little sister! I won't stand for it!"
"There can be no peace with the enemy," Megumin agreed. She pointed at Yunyun. "You must choose! Are you one of us, or our enemy!"
Tears filled Yunyun's eyes. "B-but...we're family...and my f-friends…"
"Then you shall aid us in taking down Kazutrash," Megumin declared.
"But how do we do that?" Hermione demanded. "The Hat-stealing idea is very nice and all, but if it just sorts Ginny back into Slytherin, we won't accomplish anything."
"And those bastards are way ahead on points this year," Ron grumbled. He glared at Aqua, who was still dancing about the edge of the roof and chanting. "No thanks to her."
"Yeah? Watch this," Megumin said. "Hey Aqua, can I have some points?"
Aqua paused in her dance. "Huh? Why?"
"Because I promise to use them to humiliate Kazuma," Megumin explained. "We have to have more points than Kazuma if we're going to get Ginny back."
"Oh, well, OK! Since we're friends, you can all have five points for Gryffindor!" Aqua agreed.
"What about Yunyun?" Darkness asked.
"Oh, um, Yunyun can have five points too!" Aqua agreed. Then she pointed to Luna. "But because Luna is a member of the Axis Cult, she gets another 10 points!"
"Wait, hold on, we haven't done anything to earn the points!" Percy protested. "If anything, you should be punishing us for being out late!"
Aqua wrinkled her nose. "That sounds dumb and boring. Giving points is more fun!"
"This is ignoring the point!" Ron protested. "Ginny's not just after the points! We have to show her why Gryffindor is better. Now think! How can we do that?"
"We must best Kazuma in a contest of skill and daring!" Megumin declared.
Hermione shook her head. "How, exactly? What does Ginny like, anyway?"
"Quidditch," Fred and George said together.
"She's mad for it," George explained.
"Yeah, she wants to be on the Harpies with Chris someday," Fred added.
"Hmm, well, Ron can just beat Slytherin for the quidditch cup then I suppose," Percy said, frowning down at his youngest brother.
"Oh, yeah, easy, just win the bloody cup again! Not like Kazuma cares, he's not even on the Slytherin team!" Ron said.
"We should challenge him to a duel, a contest of arms!" Darkness said, slapping her fist into her hand.
"Sports are dumb and lame," Megumin huffed. "We need a better arena, one where we can best Kazuma. What else does Ginny like?"
The three older Weasleys scratched their heads and looked perplexed. Ron looked around, blushed, then sighed. "She likes Michael Jackson."
"What? Ginerva likes a boy?!" Percy demanded. "That's right off! Who is this Michael Jackson? Is he another Slytherin?"
"We'll thump him," George agreed, and Fred made punching motions.
"I-I like Michael Jackson too," Yunyun piped up. "Um, my favorite is Dangerous."
"You only like that because it's my favorite!" Megumin argued.
Yunyun turned around, glaring at her cousin. "N-no! Y-you kept s-stealing my CDs! A-and my player!"
Megumin was momentarily taken aback by this rather unusual show of spine, but before she could argue further, Darkness said slowly, "Yunyun, Ron...why don't you explain to us who this 'Michael Jackson' is."
"He's a muggle singer," Ron explained. "He's-"
"Totally awesome!" Aqua interrupted. "He's definitely going to join the Axis Cult! For we accept everyone, be they lolicon, popstar, or NEET!"
"Michael Jackson was born in 1958 in Gary, Indiana," Hermione said, sounding as though she were reciting something even though her cheeks were flushed and eyes sparkling. "He first rose to fame with the Jackson 5, who were among the first blacks in America to attain cross cultural popularity. At only the age of twelve, he was catapulted to superstardom with the release of I Want You Back. He became a popular soloist with the release of Off the Wall in-"
"Right, thank you, Hermione," Percy said, his tone rather dismissive. She glared at him, but Percy ignored it. "So, she fancies this muggle singer then?"
"Dad brought home a record of his, with this song, Thriller, two years ago when you were all at Hogwarts," Ron explained. "She was mad for it, and begged for more. She played the bloody thing all the time, and sang it in the shower too."
"Thriller is awesome!" Megumin declared, and both Yunyun and Hermione nodded eagerly. "It is about a cursed relic, which causes one to become possessed by a mysterious force, and there are zombies and-"
Suddenly, fog began to arise around them, causing the students to look around in panic. A wolf howled in the distance, and then from nowhere, Luna held up a boombox which began to emit the beat of the funk of forty thousand years.
Aqua began to twitch and jerk at the edge of the roof, and behind her, a flock of ghosts floated up, mimicking her movements. After a moment, Aqua spun about, and instead of miko's robes, she was now dressed in a blue tracksuit.
It's close to midnight
And something evil's lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight
You see a sight that almost stops your heart
Even before Aqua began singing, Megumin, Yunyun, and Hermione fell in behind her, dancing along to the beat with huge grins on their faces. Ron and Darkness shared a look, shrugged, and then fell in with their friends. Fred and George laughed and joined in, dancing along as Aqua continued her song.
You try to scream
But terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze
As horror looks you right between the eyes
You're paralyzed
Despite himself, Percy began to tap his foot along to the beat. Then, Aqua beckoned to him, a wicked grin on her face.
'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike
You know it's thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer thriller tonight, yeah
Almost against his will, Percy fell in, dancing along as though he already knew the movements. More ghosts rose up behind them. Even Professor Bins and the Bloody Baron made an appearance, dancing to the beat as it continued.
The song went on for several minutes, until Luna uttered the line;
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
At that, the trap door on the roof banged open, and Severus Snape appeared. There was immediately a needle scratch, and everyone, ghosts included, froze.
"What is the meaning of this?!" Snape demanded, levering himself up out of the trap door and glaring around at the assembly. "It is hours past curfew!"
Aqua let out a squeak, and went to hide behind Darkness, peeking around the tall girl's back with a terrified look on her face.
"Er, well, you see sir, it's like this," Percy stammered.
"We were having a club meeting!" Hermione babbled. "Um, Professor Aqua wanted to start a dance club!"
"And you were thumping about on the roof and causing such a ruckus that the entire castle heard it, and summoned every ghost for miles upon miles?!" Snape snarled.
"You ruined it!" Aqua wailed, tears running down her cheeks as she peeked out from behind Darkness. "We were having fun and then you ruined it!"
"Behold, Yunyun and I are the foremost dancers of the Crimson Demon Clan!" Megumin cackled, posing back to back with Yunyun. "We shall use the power of Dance to summon up a horde of the undead and control them!"
"That's not how it works," Snape sneered. "You cannot control the undead with dance like in that muggle trash."
"Well, I dunno," Ron said, turning to look at the flock of ghosts, who were hovering about, looking confused and embarrassed, save for the Fat Friar, who was laughing and trying to replicate the dance motions. "Seems like we were controlling all the ghosts in Hogwarts."
"I...that is...Bed, now!" Snape sputtered. "You are fortunate I do not dock points and give you all detention!"
The group scurried down the ladder and raced for their dorms. It wouldn't be until much later that a very confused Flitwick realized that Aqua had gone to the Ravenclaw dorms and was hiding in Luna's bed, refusing to come out the next day until "that jerk Snape promises to not give me detention."
"But...you're a professor. You don't get detentions," Flitwick cried, tugging at his hair in frustration.
"Oh. Oh yeah! Come on, Luna, we'll be late for class!" Aqua declared, and jumped up out of bed.
Flitwick watched her go, shaking his head in confusion and consternation.
But he did wonder just how someone could puppeteer an entire host of ghosts, or what sort of magic was required to get Severus Snape to hum pop tunes in the break room.