Brought to you by: My s and discord! Who had it in for Hogwarts this month.
Snow blanketed Hogwarts, and Snape awoke with a smile on his face. It was the start of the winter holidays, which meant that at last, he would have a little peace and quiet. He made himself a mug of hot tea with a little lemon, and went to go supervise as the Slytherin students packed up their things and left. Good riddance to the little menaces.
Snape nodded as the Slytherins made their way out of the dungeon, imagining the peace and quiet that would ensue once his students, and especially certain red eyed menaces, were gone.
As the hustle and bustle continued, the Three Stooges and their Handler approached him.
"What is it, Weasley?" Snape said, frowning down at Ginny as she held up a slip of parchment to him.
"Please sir, my parents agreed to let me stay over the Winter Holiday; they're going to visit relatives on the continent. I just needed you to sign this."
"What." Snape took the slip, then glanced at Kazuma, Dust, and Draco. "Not the three of you too."
"Well, someone has to track down those last few flying monkeys," Kazuma said with a shrug and a grin.
"We're staying because we're in the Christmas Play!" Dust added brightly, earning him sour looks from the others.
"Christmas…what?" Snape asked, and felt a growing sense of dread and disappointment.
"Well, hasn't Aqua, I mean, Professor Mizu, told you that she's holding a Christmas Play?" Draco asked, doing his best to look innocent and failing miserably.
"No," Snape growled. "No she hasn't."
He polished off the last of his tea and stalked up to the Headmaster's office, where on the way he found an irate McGonagall striding along and looking like a thunderstorm.
"Potter is staying?" Snape asked, feeling his last hopes of a quiet and restful holiday slip away.
"And the Weasleys, Longbottom, and Granger," McGonagall said, her voice tight. "Don't tell me: so is your Weasley and her flunkies."
Snape didn't bother saying anything as they both went up to the gargoyle. He snapped, "Peppermint sticks," and started up the stairs with McGonagall hot on his heels. They were not surprised to find an outraged Flitwick and distraught Sprout already there.
"Dursley and…which of yours, Flitwick?" McGonagall asked.
"Lovegood. I found Mizu in her bed once," Flitwick said, scrubbing his hands through his nearly gone hair.
"Her BED?!" McGonagall and Sprout gasped in horror, and even the Headmaster looked aghast.
"Oh, not like that. She was hiding and claiming that she didn't want Severus to give her detention!" Flitwick squeaked, throwing his hands up in the air. "Not a lick of sense between those two. And now you want her to stay over Christmas for a play!?"
"That is…gross misconduct of the staff, regardless," Dumbledore sighed, stroking his beard. "You're certain she was not…" He obviously couldn't bring himself to say it by the pained expression on his face.
"Quite certain. I've been keeping overly stimulated teens out of each other's robes for decades, and Mizu doesn't…well, she doesn't strike me as interested," Flitwick admitted. "She's as much of a child as the First Years!"
"Well, there is no reason to deny the students who wish to stay the right to do so," Dumbledore sighed. "And, well, I am quite intrigued. Mizu's last performance was quite interesting. I was rather looking forward to this one."
"Not with Potter and her band warring with the Weasley girl in the halls, and Dursley and her misguided club causing even more problems!" McGonagall snapped. "Albus, those children need a break from one another."
"And we need a break from THEM," Sprout said, voicing what all the other professors were thinking.
Dumbledore steepled his fingers. "Well, perhaps you should all take a few days. Hagrid and myself can keep an eye on things here. And, I think you are overlooking something: this play is an opportunity for the children to reconcile, and draw closer together."
"Or for them to try to murder one another," Snape muttered, not even bothering to do so under his breath.
"I don't think it will come to that. And I will speak to Mizu about this…breach of conduct. Why didn't you tell me earlier, Filius?" Dumbledore asked.
"Honestly, it was so bizarre I half imagined I made it up," Flitwick admitted. "And really, I can swear she wasn't up to anything. Aside from apparently thinking half the time she's a student and not a professor."
"That is a problem," Dumbledore agreed. "But one we can work through. Her students have been showing a remarkable aptitude for some fascinating new spells, and she's been having them fight a number of creatures."
"More like she's got a vendetta against giant toads," Snape said, sounding more than a little petulant. "And those flying vermin. And Light of Saber isn't a spell to repel Dark Creatures. It's hardly even a proper spell at all!"
"Oh? It seems quite effective when some of our more…exuberant…students use it," Dumbledore said with a chuckle. "All of you work out a rotation for you to take a few days away from the castle in shifts. It will do you some good."
There were some grumblings, but the heads of house acquiesced and left, their dreams of a restful holiday not completely ruined.
Unlike certain other people.
Groaning, Vernon stood and got their luggage down from the overhead bin, then stepped aside so the drowsy Petunia could shuffle off the plane ahead of him. They'd already spent more than a day on airplanes and in airports, after flying from London to Los Angeles, then from LA to Honolulu. They had one more flight to go, but another hour or so in the Honolulu airport before arriving at their final destination on Maui.
"This had better be bloody worth it," Vernon grumbled as he hauled their carryon bags up the ramp and into the airport. The warm, humid air washed over him, and Vernon brightened considerably. It was early in the morning still, but it already felt like a warm English summer day.
"Oh, relax, Vernon, I'm sure it will be lovely," Petunia told him. "Let's get something to eat and some tea and you'll feel better."
They made their way to a small coffee shop, where Vernon got a couple of donuts with his tea, and Petunia a croissant. They sat near a window, watching birds flit through the air, and admiring the plants in the garden at the center of the airport.
"Well, I suppose this is quite nice," Vernon admitted, smiling at his wife. "Good to get away from that dreary weather." And whatever that menace of a niece of his was up to. No good, surely.
Just as Vernon was really warming up to things as they headed to their last and mercifully short flight, he heard a cantankerous tourist complaining loudly.
"-no proper security at all, these muggles. Could smuggle anything onto that metal contraption."
"Don't talk that way, Uncle Alastor. You're going to give them a fright. We're here to relax. That's why you didn't bring any contraband, right?" a chipper female voice said.
"Yeah, just relax. You'll be in the sand and sun in no time, napping on the beach," another woman agreed, patting the old man she was walking beside on the back.
"No," Vernon said, turning around, his blood running cold. "It couldn't be."
"Oh bloody buggering hell," Petunia swore, which made Vernon jump. She never did that!
Vernon found himself watching Mad Eye Moody himself, between Chris and Tonks, dressed in a very loud Hawaiian shirt, stomping along with a sour expression on his face. To Vernon's horror, Moody was wearing the exact same shirt Petunia had gotten for him just a few days before their trip.
For Moody's part, he froze when he spied Vernon, causing Chris to stumble and Tonks to trip over her own two feet and go crashing into a trolley loaded with luggage, which went spilling everywhere.
"YOU!" Vernon and Moody roared at the exact same time.
"Oh no," Chris groaned, going pale. "One was bad enough…"
"I'm alright!" Tonks called, popping up the pile of luggage, her ears much too large, and her hair now bright green instead of pink. "Nothing to- DURSLEY!?
"Took you by surprise, did I, Dursley!" Moody said, recovering first. He put a hand to his pocket for where Vernon knew his wand and to be, but Chris slapped it away.
"None of that!" she hissed. "Not here!"
"For someone who's supposed to be constantly bloody vigilant, you're the one who's surprised, Moody!" Vernon taunted, even as sweat started to bead on his forehead. He took out his handkerchief and mopped at it furiously, even as Petunia tried to tug him away.
"I'm here to keep you on your toes, Dursley! Where's Potter? This place is hardly secure: she could be vulnerable!" Moody barked.
"To what? Blowing up the bloody plane?!" Vernon snarled, sticking a finger under Moody's nose. "No, she's back at the school of yours where she belongs! I'm here to relax, and I don't want nothing to do with the likes of you."
"That makes two of us," Moody declared, though he looked slightly disappointed. For some reason, Vernon did as well.
"Well, I'm going to another island, so you can damn well stay on this one," Vernon snarled.
"Oh hell, Chris, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize," Tonks was babbling.
"You're the one who insisted we bring him! I told you we should have left him in England! This was supposed to be a romantic getaway!" Chris ranted.
Tonks immediately colored. "Romantic…? Oh. Oh! Chris, I'm sorry, I know you're not fond of the lads, but I am! I love you like a sister, but…not as-"
"Oh for-! Not for ME! Ugh, all these years of hard work, and it's going to be ruined by a pair of grumpy old coots!" Chris turned to Alestor. "Come on. There's six islands, it's big enough for all of us."
But as Chris dragged Moody and Tonks away, and Petunia urged Vernon to move, they found themselves all going to the same terminal.
"Can't be," Chris groaned. "No, no, no!"
Vernon held up his tickets to Maui.
Moody did the same, a slow grin spreading over his face. "Well. At least this vacation won't be a complete waste of my time after all."
"Vernon," Petunia warned as they got ready to board the plane. "Don't you dare."
"I wouldn't dream of it, honey bunches," Vernon said absently. "Not unless he starts something first."
But he'd need to get something to secure their hotel room. This was America, wasn't it? It had to be fairly easy to get a gun here. He'd just have to find a translator so he could talk to the locals. And perhaps a bit of razor wire, and a few motion sensors…
Tonks spent a very uncomfortable plane ride next to Chris, glancing over at her friend a few times and blushing. She liked Chris, she really did, her friend was lovely, and a lot of fun. But, Tonks had always had it in for older boys, not her slim best friend. She'd had an outrageous crush on Bill Weasley when she'd been younger, though she'd more or less grown out of that one. Not enough chest hair on him.
Then there was Moody. She'd brought him along to keep an eye on him, and to keep him out of trouble. She'd intended to dump him at the hotel, then go have adventures with Chris in the tropical sun, but now…it would feel terribly awkward to be around her friend. If Chris had thought to seduce her…
You never know, might be a bit of fun, a part of Tonks said.
So when Chris made up an excuse to leave not five minutes after they got to their hotel room, Tonks found herself telling Moody to "just go to the beach and relax" and trailed after her friend.
Without thinking, Tonks glanced around, then changed her shape to be that of a local woman: straight, black hair, skin tone the color of coffee with creme, and dark eyes. Shorter than she usually was, with some nifty looking tattoos.
Chris made her way out of town, getting a muggle motorcycle of all things. Tonks made do with disillusioning herself and enchanting a ratty old broom with a few charms to let her keep up in the air, but it was still pretty exciting. She had to find out just what Chris was up to. Planning a romantic liaison still? Or something worse?
Instead, Chris made her way out of Kahului and away from all the resorts, across the entire island to the more scarcely populated and greener windward side. It took quite a while, though the island wasn't large, the roads were winding and had to go around large mountains. At last, Chris pulled on to a dirt road up a hillside, Tonks having to keep low to track her. The road led to a small but rather nice bungalow atop a cliff that looked out over the not too distant ocean. The view was rather spectacular, and Tonks wondered if this was some sort of love nest Chris had planned for the two of them.
Tonks landed and crept through the jungle, hiding behind a tree, and wondering what naughty activities Chris was going to start arranging.
Instead, Chris parked her bike, and the door opened to reveal a man in his mid to late thirties. He had a long, scruffy brown beard and somewhat wild hair, and was wearing a worn t-shirt and ratty jeans. "Chris! It's been years!"
"Remus! How have you been?" Chris said, and hurried forward to give the man a hug.
To Chris' surprise, the man sounded British, though his accent was rather mild, probably from having spent years abroad.
"Oh, surviving, I suppose," Remus chuckled. He sighed. "You could have picked a better time. It's the full moon tonight, you know."
"Oh, relax. I brought you your medicine, you big oaf. And you know you don't scare me."
Full moon? Tonks' mind immediately labeled the man as "werewolf." And also several other things, making her blush. She'd stumbled upon some rather…questionable…literature in her time at Hogwarts: Steamy romance novels that painted werewolves as tragic figures that could be tamed by a woman's love. She had no idea where they'd come from, but she'd done her best to keep her little addiction a secret, even so far as to finding more books in Knockturn Alley.
"Well, I should, it's a serious condition, you know," Remus said, then suddenly blanched, obviously embarrassed.
"Sirius, you say? Well, I suppose it's going to be a Black night," Chris said, and for a moment Tonks was rather baffled.
"Don't you dare say it-" Remus began, but then Chris called out,
"Why so Sirius, Remus?"
"BECAUSE HE'S NOT SIRIUS, I AM!" a voice bellowed from inside. A moment later, a big black dog bounded out of the house, and tackled a laughing Chris, slobbering all over her face as she laughed and tried to force him off of her.
"Now you've done it," Remus grumbled. "It's going to be nothing but miserable puns for the rest of the night, isn't it?"
Suddenly, the dog paused, then turned around, muzzle pointing right to where Tonks was hiding. It let out a loud "WOOF!" then bounded forward.
Tonks let out a yip and tried to run away before she was caught, only to trip over the roots and go tumbling ass over teakettle down the slope, only stopping when she smashed into a tree and lay there, dazed.
When she came to, she found the black dog standing over her, growing. It was a very, very big dog, much bigger closer up, and its bared fangs and slobber made Tonks wince. "N-nice doggy…"
"What is it, Sirius?" Remus called, and a moment later, he and Chris were there, panting and out of breath.
"Oh, just a local," Remus said, looking down at Tonks. "Off of her, bad dog! Why'd you go and scare the girl? Sorry, miss. Did you not see the signs? My dog is very badly behaved."
"That's not a local," Chris sighed. "Come on, Tonks. Dammit, how'd you follow me?"
"I, er, I, um," Tonks hastily put on her very best American accent, which made her sound like she was from the midwest. "I just got lost, pal, honest."
"That's not a Hawaiian accent, love," Chris said, reaching out to help Tonks up as Remus yanked his dog back by the scruff of the neck. "And your American impression was always terrible."
"Wait, you know her?" Remus said, frowning. "Is this your friend you mentioned?"
Sighing, Tonks let her form shift back to her usual shape, causing Remus' eyes to nearly bug out of his head. "Well, I saw you leaving…and I thought, you know, you were trying to find a romantic getaway for the two of us…I'm really flattered, but, again, Chris I-"
"I told you, it's not like that," Chris sighed. She pointed to Remus. "I was going to meet an old friend. Tonks, meet Remus Lupin."
"Old friend?" Tonks asked, blinking. When had Chris met this man who had to be a dozen years older than either of them.
"He knew my…family," Chris explained, giving Remus an affectionate pat on the arm. "He's like, er, an older brother."
"Older…? Oh. Um, yes, Chris is like…my niece! Ha ha."
Tonks eyed both of them. Chris had been sort of smooth, but Remus was obviously lying, and looked very uncomfortable. "Something wrong with your dog?"
Said dog was sneezing and was now falling over, shaking slightly.
"He has fits sometimes," Remus said, frowning. "Maybe if I kick him, he'll stop."
The dog rolled over and eyed Tonks, then began wagging his tail as he sat up.
"Don't worry, he looks like a menace but he's actually a big softie," Chris said, rubbing his head. "But in the end, he's definitely just a dumb dog, and should stay that way. Did I mention that Tonks is an auror now?"
"Yep! Passed my apprenticeship with ol' Mad Eye with flying colors," Tonks said, puffing out her chest. In her case, it was actually literal, much to her mortification, as she nearly popped out of her top.
Remus definitely noticed, as his eyes bulged slightly. Chris noticed, and smirked, which made Tonks blush. And feel slightly confused. Normally, she kept her bust fairly small around Chris, as the other girl was more than a little sensitive about her boyish figure. Why was she happy to have Remus ogling Tonks?
The dog, however, growled. Not at Tonks, but rather at his master, which was rather odd.
"Down, boy," Remus said, scowling at the dog.
"Um, what's his name?" Tonks asked. "Is he Sirius? That's a pretty funny name for a black dog."
"Oh, hilarious," Chris agreed, elbowing Lupin.
The dog looked mortally offended, putting a paw to its chest and giving Tonks wide, hurt eyes.
"Er, I named him after a, um, friend," Remus said, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.
"What, you named him after the most infamous Death Eater in the world, and the only man to ever escape Azkaban?" Tonks laughed
The stricken expression on Remus's face, Chris' wide grin, and the dog barking excitedly told Tonks everything she needed to know about that. "You really…? I mean, it's pretty funny. Sirius does mean 'dog,' or at least I think it does from my astronomy classes, and he's black, so…"
Remus' flush and lopsided smile made Tonks decide she liked the big awkward lug. Which meant…
"So, ah, I couldn't help overhear…um, what Chris said," Tonks admitted. "I know it's a full moon and all tonight, which um…"
The life seemed to drain out of Remus, and he slumped slightly. "Yes. You'll both have to go. I'm a werewolf. I know…I know what you must think of me, and-"
"Oh no you don't," Chris said half under her breath, giving Tonks a wink.
Now it was Tonks' turn to go bright red. "Well, I mean, I'm, um, you know, lycanthropy is a tragic illness, but it can be managed, and it doesn't make the sufferers any less human, or um-"
"Hey, Remus, ever read the Wild at Heart novels I sent you for your birthday a few years ago?" Chris asked, making Tonks want to crawl under the nearest rock.
"What? That trash? Those novels don't show how my, er, affliction works at all! I would never-"
Sirius the Dog coughed and gave his master an incredulous look. That was one smart dog, Tonks thought.
"-read them every year. Love them to bits," Remus muttered, kicking at a root.
"Me too!" Tonks gasped. "Which one is your favorite?! I personally love A Pack Apart, where Trishana joins the pack, but through an ancient blood ritual she's able to bind their curse inside-"
Tonks cut herself off, still blushing furiously as Remus looked first at her, then at Chris. "You didn't."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Chris said loftily. "I'm just glad you two have something in common. I'm sure you'll get along famously. Which reminds me: your wolfsbane potion is in my bag. Why, you could dose yourself, and Tonks and I could stay the night."
"I mean, I wouldn't want to impose on-" Remus began, but then Sirius bit his leg, making Remus yell.
"BAD DOG!" Remus yelled.
"Oh, I think he's a good boy," Tonks said, rubbing the dog's ears. "And we'd love to stay! I'd like to get to know Chris's friend."
She pushed her worries about Moody to the back of her head. How much trouble could one old man get up to with her away for just one night?
Moody stomped into the muggle store, looking around with his one good eye. His magical eye was sadly under an eyepatch, and while it could still make out a few things, he couldn't tell much.
"Howzit," the proprietor said, glancing up from his copy of Guns and Ammo. The owner was a large, heavy set man with a large beard with some gray in it, a balding pate, and a DEFEND HAWAII shirt with crossed muggle firearms. Perfect.
"I'm doing a bit of hunting while I'm here," Moody said, coming over to the counter and leaning on it. "I'll be needing a few things. Some wire, maybe a few traps."
"Get plenty traps, but dis not da mainland bruddah. And you not one local kine guy. Can't sell you no guns," the owner said.
"Ah, but my friend, this is America. Land of the free, isn't it?" Moody set a bag with some gold nuggets in it on the counter.
The owner picked it up, then took it over to a jeweler['s loupe and used his massive fingers to flatten one. "Dis real gold, brah?"
"Eminently," Moody said, smiling. It wasn't even charmed or conjured: It was the real deal.
"Well, I not get any bear traps. Got none o' dem here. But I get maybe one or two pieces da cops not know about," the owner said. He extended his hand over the counter. "Kavika Sanchez."
Moody thrust out his own gnarled hand and returned the shake firmly. "Alastor Moody."
"You serve, brah?" Kavika asked, nodding to Moody's missing leg. He sat back on his stool, and Moody saw he was missing his own leg from the ankle down.
"Germany, and the Troubles," Moody said with a grimace. "Kicked the krauts without taking a scratch. Lost the leg and eye in Ireland." It was even mostly true, though the Germans that Moody had fought had been Grindlewald's, and the Troubles he'd been through had been the Death Eater variety.
"Vietnam for me," Kavika said, nodding to a flag on the back wall that said US ARMY VETERAN. "I tink maybe you da kine hoale that know how for use one gun."
"I assure you I am familiar," Moody agreed. He'd even carried a pistol and used it a few times. Not many death eaters expected a wandless opponent to pull out a muggle piece and use it. Gotten a few that way, Moody had. "But that wouldn't be sporting against what I'm up against."
"Ah, I get bows, knives, some wire," Kavika said with a grin. "We set you up real good, brah."
Moody smiled wolfishly. Vernon Dursley would never know what had hit him.
Wearing his sunglasses and a jacket he'd brought along for when he took Petunia to a nice dinner, Vernon walked into the small shop, and put on his Crimson Demon Hat. He wasn't sure why he brought it, but now it would come in handy.
"Aloha! Ah, you a special guest?" the proprietor asked. She was a small asian woman with visible tattoos on her arms, and long fingernails.
"I'm here about some potions, maybe a few enchanted objects," Vernon said in a gruff voice. "You take galleons here?"
"A Brit, eh? Sure, sure, goblin gold spends as well as any other kind," the owner said. She took out a feather wand, and rapped it on the back wall. "Through here. I keep the good stuff in back."
Vernon's heart leapt. He'd not been entirely certain this place would have Those Sorts here, but when he'd seen the shop…he'd known, somehow.
The owner took him to the back, where Vernon bought a few magical intruder alarms, some Sticky Ink Bombs, a vial of Dragon Fire, two Muggle-Be-Gone wards, and some enchanted rope that would magically tie itself around whoever stepped on it.
"You that worried about no-mages interrupting your vacation?" the owner asked as she tallied Vernon's purchase.
"Oh, you know what they said," Vernon said, grinning rather sadistically. "Constant Vigilance."