A/N: Hey! I'm sorry this has been taking so long, but I sort of hit a wall with this for a few weeks. I was struggling with writing JJ's recovery, so for the next bit, there's going to be a few more time jumps. I will, however, eventually fill in these gaps by writing it into the one-shot series I'm going to start. I truly appreciate everyone who has stuck with me through this, and I promise I will finish this. It may take a good bit more time, but it will get done. I love this AU pairing, but I do get stuck sometimes, so thank you for bearing with me. Please let me know what you think, reviews help to motivate me!

…

"You should have left it alone, Jennifer. If you would have just stopped hunting me, you wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't be experiencing all of this pain… but this is nothing compared to what's to come."

His smile was menacing as he came towards her with the knife. She struggled against the cuffs that held her down, but they were locked tight. She was in so much pain already, but he was nowhere close to finished.

He was going to kill her… but he wouldn't do that until she had suffered tremendously.

He kept moving closer, not stopping until he was hovering over her. He ran his hand up her thigh, and she internally flinched, disgusted by the feeling.

JJ wanted to close her eyes, wanted to do anything to escape… but she was afraid of what he would do if she took her eyes off of him… so she held her gaze steady, unwavering. She willed herself to stay strong, but it was growing increasingly hard as he directed the glinting knife towards her body.

He slid it down her throat and chest, not piercing the skin, just taunting her. "I could kill you right now. If I just pressed down a bit harder…"

"You won't." JJ surprised even herself by how strong her voice sounded. She couldn't show this son of a bitch any fear… she wouldn't. He got off on fear, so if he saw any within her, it would be that much worse on her. "You've had plenty of chances to kill me already, but that's not what this is about. You wouldn't have gone to all of this trouble if you were just going to end it."

That obviously pissed him off, as the taunting smile fell from his face, and he moved the knife down her body. JJ clenched her teeth as the blade sliced through the skin and muscle of her thigh. She wanted to scream out in pain but wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

The smile was back on his face as he watched her suffer. For a moment she was afraid he had sliced the artery, but she knew that would go against everything she just profiled about him. No, he wanted to enjoy this for as long as possible.

Her leg was on fire, the throbbing much more intense than the cramping in her abdomen, and she fought against the nausea it was rapidly causing. She knew she was losing a lot of blood, knew this was diminishing the already slim chances of her baby surviving at the hands of this bastard.

JJ awoke with a start, her eyes immediately scanning the room as she bolted upright. She was alone in the dark bedroom. It had all been a nightmare. Not just a nightmare… a memory. That had all happened and she had the healing wound to go along with it.

The nightmares, or whatever they should be called, were nothing new. She had been experiencing them ever since getting home from the hospital a week ago. The only time she was able to get any restful sleep was when she took the pills that her doctor prescribed.

She didn't like them though. They messed with her head and made her feel off. She was going to have to deal with one or the other though, either the nightmares or the pills.

JJ shook her head, as if to rid herself of the remnants from the memory, then looked around the room again. Street's side of the bed appeared untouched and she wasn't surprised. He had been sleeping on the couch for most of the week.

He claimed it was because he had been too restless and didn't want to disturb her, that she needed her sleep in order to recover… but JJ knew that was only partially true. The main reason was that he wanted space, he wanted to be away from her as much as he could.

He tried to hide his feelings from her, never explaining outright that he blamed her, but she could tell. Things were so tense between them, nothing like how it used to be.

JJ missed him, but she couldn't find it in herself to approach him about anything. She didn't know if she could handle actually hearing the words that he had been keeping bottled up. They barely even spoke to each other.

The past week at home had been nothing short of hell. JJ's injuries were healing, but she was still in a lot of pain. She was still dealing with some limitations and returning to the field was still a ways off… not that she was ready for that anyways. She was hoping to return to desk duty soon, something to occupy her mind with anything other than the trauma.

She was still struggling through her grief, and more times than not she felt like she was drowning in it. In the rare times that she didn't feel that way, she was just numb… to everything. It was one or the other, no in between.

Despite the tension, Street was doing what he could, but JJ didn't want his help. She didn't feel she deserved it. He was struggling too, and it was all because of her. He had been so excited about starting their family, just like she had… and she took that away from him.

He was different ever since the hospital, just like she knew she was. He never smiled, never laughed, and the light in his eyes that was always so mesmerizing had been stripped away… all because of her.

He hadn't even been back to work either. He had taken time off to deal, but was officially set to return the day after tomorrow.

JJ honestly didn't know if he should yet, as she wasn't sure that he was in a clear enough mindset. Going back to SWAT too soon could be dangerous… and she couldn't bear the thoughts of something happening to him. She couldn't lose him too, even though she felt like she already had… or at least a part of him anyway.

The all too familiar feeling of tears sprang to her eyes, and she willed herself not to cry for… well, she had lost track of how many times the tears had fallen this week. Tears of pain, tears of grief… tears for her baby, for Street, and for Stephen.

Her baby hadn't been the only life lost that night by the hands of Lewis. Stephen had been ripped away from his wife and kids, all because JJ had brought him in to help find Scratch. She was the one that involved him in the hunt… and now he was gone.

Though JJ's heart had already shattered to pieces, it broke that much more thinking about Monica, Maya and Eli. They shouldn't be going through this right now, they shouldn't be grieving the loss of their husband and father.

The BAU shouldn't be grieving the loss of one of their own.

Stephen was laid to rest while JJ was still in the hospital. She wasn't even able to attend the funeral because at that point, her injuries were too extensive for her to leave. She hated it, hated not being able to say goodbye… hated feeling so powerless.

Then again, maybe it was a good thing that she hadn't been there. She desperately wanted to tell Monica how sorry she was, and that it was all her fault, but she didn't honestly know if she would have been able to do that. She didn't think she would have been able to face her and her children. How could she offer her condolences when she was the reason they were all in this nightmare?

The thoughts racing through her mind were nothing new. They had been on replay constantly and there was no way for her to shake them. The tears that had been threatening to fall eventually won the battle and began streaming down her cheeks.

She slid back under the covers, burying her face in the pillow. She wished Street was there, but his embrace was a comfort she had been denied as of late, and there was nothing she could do about it.

How had it come to this?

How had it come to her screwing up so badly?

…

Street knew JJ was awake. At first he heard her tossing and turning in bed, then the distinct sound of her softly crying. He hated it, hated every minute that he laid there hearing her suffer. He wasn't sure if he should go in there or not.

The selfish part of him didn't want to, and thought it would be easier just to pretend he had no idea she was even awake… but despite his recent feelings, he still loved her so much that the other part of him just wanted to go in and wrap her in his arms in the effort of soothing her pain.

Yes, he blamed her… but she still didn't deserve to be suffering.

In the end, Street's decision to stay on the couch won out. Chances were JJ would have pushed him away anyways… just like the rest of this week.

Sure, he knew that maybe he wasn't handling his grief all that well, but he didn't understand why JJ wasn't willing to accept anything he tried doing for her. Maybe he wasn't doing the best job of hiding his need to keep her at arm's length for the moment. Maybe she picked up on his feelings toward her.

Despite himself, that thought sent a pang of guilt straight through his heart.

He was so confused right now. He didn't know how to deal with his feelings, how to deal with JJ. He hated that they were so torn apart because of this, but he wasn't ready for his thoughts or feelings to be out in the open… because that would mean he and JJ having to face them head on, and that would probably mess things up between them even more.

Then again, keeping everything bottled up didn't seem to be working so well either… but he couldn't stand the thoughts of JJ hearing or knowing everything that was going through his mind right now. She was hurting enough as it was.

Street didn't understand any of this. Why did any of it have to happen? What was the purpose? He'd always heard that everything happened for a reason but was never sure how much he believed it. What reason could there possibly be for losing their baby, and nearly losing his fiancé?

And what was going to happen with him and JJ? They couldn't keep going on like this. He knew it had only been four weeks since her abduction, four weeks since their world had been shot to hell, but things seemed to be getting worse.

What was he supposed to do?

What could possibly fix any of this?