It's Sunday. I'm reading in my room and I'm bored. But someone knocks at my door and I open. It's the Detective Boys and the Professor. They all look stern, I don't know why.

"We need to talk," Mitsuhiko says.

I'm confused. Why do they look like someone just died? I follow them into the big room and we all sit down. Agasa puts a plate of small peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. My favorite snack. Am I about to hear bad news? The boys glance at Ayumi and she breathes in and starts:

"First of all, you're our friend and you will ALWAYS be our friend. That's the most important thing. That's why we care for you and that's why we want to help you. Really."

"Why do you think I need help?" I ask, puzzled.

"We know your secret," Genta says before grabbing a sandwich.

My secret?! They know I'm a grown-up biochemist shrunk into a teenager? I can't help glaring at Pr. Agasa.

"Why did you tell them?!"

"He didn't have to tell us," Mitsuhiko says. "You've been lying to us and that's a bit hurtful."

"I just wanted to protect you," I say.

"That's very kind of you but you're the one who needs help. We'll get rid of this eating disorder together."

"Yeah!" Genta says, handing me the plate. "Just start now!"

Eating disorder? They think I have an eating disorder?! It's so ridiculous I burst into laughter.

"What makes you think I have an eating disorder?" I ask.

"You skip lunches all the time," Ayumi says.

"And when you go back home at night, you always tell me you had dinner with your friends," Agasa says. "But they told me you never do."

"OK," I say. "I've been trying to eat a little less lately. It's healthier. Maybe some of you should do the same."

Maybe I shouldn't have say that. Genta turns red with anger.

"Are you mocking me for being fat? Because yes, I know I'm fat. Half of my family is fat. I was born with fat genes. D'you think that makes you better than me?!"

"Genta, calms down!" Ayumi says.

"He has a point," Mitsuhiko says. "People who starve themselves to lose weight get more health problems than overweight people. Haibara, we're worried about you."

I shrug and I grab a fashion magazine. He snatches it from my hands.

"Stop reading that crap! You don't need to look like one of those models. No one can! All the images are photoshopped. You're just poisoning your mind!"

How can I explain him? I'm addicted to fashion magazines for another reason. It allows me to escape to another world, a perfect world where no one is bored at school and people spend all their time having fun, drinking champagne on the beach and being happy. Living in a fashion magazine would be so easy.

"I'm not poisoning anything," I say.

"But you're still having some dysmorbopho… some bad thing going on," Ayumi says. "Yesterday, when we went swimsuit shopping, you told me you had a big butt."

I glare at her.

"Yes. And I expected you not to repeat it in front of the boys, my friend."

"For goodness sake, your ribs were sticking out! The shop assistant asked me if you were recovering from cancer. You don't need to lose more weight!"

I'm speechless. Is it possible that she's right? Then why do I always see a chubby girl in mirrors? What's going on?

"That shop assistant was unprofessional, Akemi," I say.

"My name's Ayumi."

"Yeah, I know."

"You just called me Akemi. You called me Akemi yesterday. Who's Akemi?"

How can I explain her? She was the person I loved the most in the entire world, I lost her six years ago and I still miss her. I don't think she'll ever understand.

"None of your business."

I don't want them to know about her. I don't want them to feel bad for me. To my greatest dismay, Agasa answers:

"Akemi was Haibara's sister. She died shortly before I adopted her."

They look sad. Ayumi asks me why I never told them. That's more than I can stand. I grab my fashion magazine again and I start reading. Genta snatches if from my hands.

"She asked you a question!" he says.

"Yeah? I won't answer."

"Who do you think you are? She's just acting friendly, what kind of friend are you?!"

Agasa intervenes:

"Children, maybe you'd better come back tomorrow when everyone has calmed down."

"Or maybe you'd better not come back at all," I say.

"But we're your friends," Ayumi pleads.

"Not any more."

I really shouldn't have said that. Ayumi starts crying and Genta yells that he'll never forgive me for making Ayumi cry. Mitsuhiko tries to calm them down and says I'm overreacting because I'm hangry but I can tell he's angry about me, too. Angry and sad. There's a lot of shouting, they eventually leave and the professor remains silent for a moment.

"It's my fault," he says. "I should have noticed that something was wrong."

"Professor…"

"I have a friend who works in a hospital. She'll get us an appointment."

"Please…"

"I'm sorry. I failed you. After all that you went through, something had to go wrong."

I feel so guilty now. After all that he did for me, I'm just making his life more complicated.

"Don't…"

"Go to your room. And take the snacks."

I comply, I close the door behind me and I punch the wall in rage. How could things go so wrong? What happened? Lamarr rubs herself at my ankles. I cuddle her and I cry, again and again.

I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could be a child again, running in the fields, jumping into puddles and never having to fight the grown-up world again. I wish Akemi never died, I wish I could still hold her in my arms and feel safe and loved. I cannot carry on like that.

Then I remember something and I grab my treasure box. Under Akemi's photos, under my Detective junior badge, my Kamen Yaiba card game and my Gomera notepad, there's a secret compartment. I still have some APTX 4869 pills inside. I'll swallow one, I'll turn into a toddler and I'll start a new life somewhere else.

I take the poison. Then I realize it's a very bad idea. It's incredibly painful and I feel my bones melting away. Maybe I'm going to die now.

No…