Eric managed to get home before Red and Kitty noticed that he was gone. Or maybe they did notice, and they just didn't want to bother scolding him.
Now that Eric thinks about it; he hasn't spoken much to his parents in the past year. The notation made him sad. But at the same time, there was nothing to talk about.
Which led to many nights and mornings having awkward silence at the table.
It was now the unspoken rule that Eric was only expected to eat, not speak. That was the deal made. As long as he kept himself well-fed, he did not have to talk at the table.
"Eric, honey, you should eat more." Kitty fretted.
"Kitty, leave the boy be," Red chimed in. Despite everything that's happened, Red still held the belief that men should never, under any circumstance; talk about their feelings. Eric wondered if his father would change his attitude if Red knew his son considered taking his own life.
"No, I won't let him be," Kitty exclaimed, flailing her limbs in the air. "Today is the anniversary of Donna's death, and I want him to know it's okay to talk to us."
His mother's outburst was enough for Eric to get and leave. He didn't need this today. Eric didn't need or want his mother's concern. All he wanted was to be left alone. And the only place he could think to go to was the basement.
When at the final step, Eric stopped and stared at the empty basement that was once warm and lively. But now it was empty and dead quiet.
Eric found the silence to be oppressive. Eric rarely came down there anymore. What was the point? Nobody else did except for Fez, whom Eric hadn't seen in weeks. For Hyde, he still lived in the basement, and he was the only reason Eric would sometimes sit in the basement; for Hyde's company.
Eric collapsed on the old battered couch that held many memories of him and Donna. Eric's eyes began to sting, maybe he should have just gone to his room instead.
Eric rubbed his forehead. What a wonderful idea. Go to a place that would be filled with memories of his dead lover. A place where they shared their most intimate moments.
He heard the sound of footsteps. It was Hyde.
Eric didn't acknowledge Hyde's presence; until he could no longer avoid him.
"How are you holding up?" Hyde asked with sympathy.
Eric shrugged. Okay, I guess."
Hyde pursed his lips and took off his glasses. "Can I ask you something?"
"Shoot," Eric said.
"Where were you last night?" Hyde asked.
Eric's face heated. How did Hyde know? "I don't know what you're talking about." Eric decided to play stupid.
"Yes you do," Hyde fired back as if he was offended that Eric would think he was that dumb. "I didn't want to say anything, but I've noticed how you're not always in your room at the end of the night. Now fess up."
Was Hyde checking up on him? That made Eric want to tease Hyde. But not now. Not when Hyde was interrogating him. "It's none of your damn business Hyde."
"It's a girl? You meant someone knew?" Hyde inquired.
Eric wanted to laugh. Yes, he was seeing a girl; but she wasn't new. "Hyde, I'm not talking to you about this."
"So there is somebody." Hyde didn't know whether to be impressed or pissed that Eric had been able to move on so quickly.
Eric licked his lips trying to find the perfect response. "Hyde, she's not a rebound; so get that look off your face. I'm gonna tell you this once. Back the hell off."
There was fire behind those eyes. Nothing Hyde's ever seen from his friend before. Hyde was almost too afraid to speak again. Almost "If your mom finds out she's going to be pissed."
"I know. That's why I'm not gonna tell her, and neither are you." Eric said.
"Do you love her?"
Did Eric love Jackie Burkhart? He loved being with her, and he wasn't just talking about the sex. To him, it was more than just pleasure, it was comforting. That was the whole point of it anyway. But there's more, wasn't there? Eric hadn't been sure. He knew he enjoyed her company, why wouldn't he? They both experienced loss at the same time.
Eric supposed he did love Jackie. Now did she love him? Eric couldn't be sure. Although it didn't matter. They could never openly be a couple. Unless they up and left the state of Wisconsin, never to be seen again.
"I guess I do," Eric confessed.
"More than Donna?"
Eric glared at Hyde. "What kind of fucking question is that Hyde?"
"I'm just curious." Hyde shrugged.
"No, you're being an asshole, like always!" Eric yelled, now towering over his friend. "I fucking loved Donna with everything I had. I was going to marry her one day and have a big family. I had it all planned out. So don't you fucking dare question if I loved her, She was my life."
Hyde stared up at his friend in disbelief. Never had he witnessed Eric go into a rage like this before. Not even when he found out about Donna.
Kitty rushed down the steps at the commotion. "What's going on down here? I heard yelling."
Eric sucked in a breath. He needed to calm down. "Yeah, mom. I'm gonna go get changed for the gathering." Eric's eyes shot daggers as walked past Hyde.
When Eric left the basement, Kitty went into full integration mode. "You tell me what happened this instant and don't even think of lying to me."
"It was about Donna, he's upset," Hyde responded.
"Well, of course, he's upset. He's been upset since it happened." Kitty rebutted.
"Mrs. Forman, I don't think he's been dealing with it as well as we all thought."
Jackie stared blankly into the vanity mirror. This was the first time she'd worn a full face of makeup since the funeral. She looked like her old self, but at the same time, she didn't.
Jackie heard a soft knock on her door. "Come in."
"Hello, baby." Pam stepped in "Can I assist you with anything."
Love and affection. But Jackie knew that was too much to ask of her mother. "No Mom, I'm fine. Thank you for asking." Jackie faked a smile.
"I could brush your hair," Pam suggested. Jackie wasn't sure if Pam was being sincere, or her offering was just her way of telling her daughter her hair looked terrible.
"If you want," Jackie chose not to argue.
Pam ran the brush through Jackie's soft silky hair. Jackie will admit it felt nice. To be this connected to her.
"You don't have to go if you don't want to," Pam said the same thing Jackie told Eric that morning.
"I have to," Jackie responded.
"The hell you do," Pam snapped, throwing the brush to the side. "That boy was never good to you. All he did was cheat."
"I loved him, mom."
"Oh, please," Pam sneered. "You could do so much better. It's time to stop moping over that Kelso boy." Little did Pam know.
"Mom, I'm going. You don't have to agree, but it's my decision." Jackie stood firm.
"I could never reason with you." Pam huffed and crossed her arms. There it was. There was the real Pam. It didn't long for her to come out.
"Do you mind? I need to get dressed." That was Jackie's nice way of telling Pam to get out.
"Fine, I'll leave you to it then." Pam stormed out of her daughter's room.
Jackie sighed and retouched her lipstick. When finished her makeup, Jackie had the feeling of utter dread when knew next that she'd have to put on that horrid black dress.
Jackie thought she'd rather wear a bikini than wear the dress. Jackie didn't know why she didn't throw it out the minute she got home from Donna and Michael's funeral. That was a lie; Jackie knew her mother would kill her if she threw away such an expensive dress.
Jackie grabbed the dress from its hanger, and gently laid it across her bed. She gave it a hard look. Why did she have to wear it? Pam may be an insensitive bitch; but she was right. Why did Jackie have to take the time to look for an unfaithful boy? Why should Jackie give Michael respect, when he showed her none at all?
Jackie cranked her neck to her nightstand; This time Michael's photo was faced up. Jackie picked up the frame, glaring at it. She felt no love for that man anymore.
Jackie did something she'd never thought she'd be capable of doing; not if she cared where she ended up in the afterlife. Jackie tossed the photo into the trash along with the dress. And she didn't feel guilty
Was she experiencing the anger stage? If so, it wasn't bad at all. If that would send her to hell, then so be it.
Fuck it; Jackie would wear her cream-colored dress. It was May; no need for dark colors.
Jackie stood and did a little pose in the full-body mirror. She smirked. This was the real Jackie Burkhart
When hit noon, Jackie drove herself to the cemetery. She needed a nice drive alone to clear her head.
The closer approved the gate, Jackie wished she stayed home. God, could she do this? Could she show up to the gathering and pretend she's not the worst person in the world?
How could Jackie ever justify sleeping with Eric? Other than the sheer amount of loneliness she experienced. And what was worse is that she knew it was more than just sex.
Jackie wasn't sure love was the right word to describe her feelings towards Eric. It was more like she wanted to be a part of him; as sick as that sounded.
Jackie's stomach was in knots when she finally parked her car. Taking a deep breath; She welcomed the warm breeze when she finally dared to open the car door.
She could do this.
A group of soft crying could be heard surrounded by a grave. Some were classmates, and some were an extended family of whom Jackie didn't recognize.
However, out of all the people that were there; she noticed two absences.
Jackie assumed Fez would be there for Michael. One service was one thing, but two? No, it was too much for anyone to bear.
But what about Midge? Shouldn't she be here? Maybe she felt responsible. As she should, Jackie bitterly thought.
But the loudest cry could be heard from no other than Bob Pinciotti. Kitty was right by his side, trying her absolute best to comfort him.
Meanwhile, Red stood next to his wife awkwardly. He stayed silent, but he could not mask the pained expression. Even Eric caught a glimpse.
"I can't believe it's been a year since she's been taken from us. She had so much to live for. She had so much potential." Bobbed cried into Kitty's shoulder, staining her dress.
Kitty shushed him. "It's going to be okay. Just know she's in a better place." Eric's jaw clenched at that statement. That's what she told him when it first happened. It was so dismissive, and worthless. It didn't make Eric feel better, it made him angry.
Jackie wondered if she should go over and comfort him. At least say something to calm him down. But Hyde beat her to the punch. He placed his hand on Eric's shoulder as if he knew exactly what he was feeling.
For a while, nobody spoke. Every attendee stood in silence, soaking up the sadness of the life that was lost.
At the very end, the people who came said their final goodbye, by placing a single flower on the grave.
Eric was the last. He quickly threw the flower down without even looking. He already did this before; and right at this moment, he was getting flashbacks.
The crowd looked at him with Pity.
"I'm so glad you could make it." Bob suddenly squeezed her into a tight hug.
"I wouldn't miss it for anything Mr. Pinciotti." Jackie wheezed.
"I know you wouldn't; You were always such a good friend to my baby girl." Jackie stared at Eric who was currently comforted by Hyde and Kitty.
She was far from a good friend.
Jackie's breath hitched in her throat, her hands became clammy. Was she having a panic attack?
"Hey, why don't you sit down," Bob suggested after watching Jackie's face go pale, and her breathing became uneven.
But Jackie didn't want to sit. She wanted to run far away from here. Unbeknownst to her, Eric took notice.
"Bob, I'll take it from here." Eric stepped in. "Jackie, what's wrong?"
"I want to go. Can we please just go?' She begged.
"Um, what about Kelso?" Eric asked. But then quickly backtracked when Jackie's face became more distressed. "Yeah, we can do that," Eric's face softened.
"Hey, where are you two going?" Hyde asked, not missing the strange intimacy
"We're gonna call it a day," Eric answered.
"You wouldn't mind If I tagged along; would you?" Hyde was baiting them.
"We just want to be alone; please understand that," Jackie said.
"I think I do," Hyde said knowingly.
"Hyde, man-" Eric tried.
"No, go be with Jackie." Hyde spat.
"Come on Eric." Jackie tugged at his sleeve.
Eric gave a look of remorse, then pursued following Jackie, leaving Hyde stunned.
The puzzle pieces started to connect. Were Jackie and Eric? Hyde suppressed the urge to barf at the mere thought of Jackie and Eric hooking up. It just couldn't be; they wouldn't do that. They just wouldn't. Eric screwing a rando was bad enough; but Jackie? That's just unforgivable.
Jackie and Eric knew it too. That's why they'd never tell anyone the truth.
"Where do you wanna go?" Eric asked once they were in the car.
"I want to go home. Will you stay with me?" Jackie's eyes were big and sad.
"Of course, I will," Eric pushed her dark locks behind her ear. "I love you."
Jackie felt her heart speed up. Eric's never uttered those words before. Why now? Jackie didn't think about that. All she cared about was how good it felt to hear those words. "I love you too."
They shared a kiss and drove away.
Now alone in her bedroom; Eric and Jackie were in each other's arms; kissing desperately. Something they longed to do all day.
The pair was naked; peacefully wrapped up, while soft music played in the background.
"Do you think Hyde is onto us?" Jackie asked, breaking the comfortable silence.
Eric exhaled through his nose. "I'm afraid so."
Jackie chewed her bottom lip nervously. "What are we going to do about it?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we get there."
"We might already be at that bridge."
"I know," Eric whispered solemnly into her hair.
"I'm only sorry for Donna," Jackie said.
Eric swallowed a lump in his throat. Is that why Kelso's picture is no longer resting on the nightstand?
"I don't love him anymore," Jackie peered up to meet Eric's gaze. "I just don't; I can't manage to find it in myself to feel about betraying him. I'm ready to let him go for good."
Eric wasn't sure if he could ever truly let Donna go. He didn't deserve to; not after what he's done. Eric can only pray that Donna's soul is rested far away in heaven; that she'd have no idea how her boyfriend and best friend were mourning her death.
He was far too deep. He and Jackie were in this together till the bitter end.
"Do you love me?" Jackie batted her eyelashes.
"Yes," Eric said without hesitation. If it weren't for Jackie, Eric would have been dead a long time ago. He suspected so would Jackie. Maybe they saved each other.
"I was just making sure you weren't just telling me what I wanted to hear."
Eric held Jackie's chin, forcing her to look up at him. "I won't ever lie to you." That answer seemed to appease Jackie, as Eric saw a twinkle in her mismatched eyes.
"I love you, Eric."
"Do you mean that?" Eric asked playfully.
"Of course I meant it! Don't ask me stupid questions." Jackie pointed at his chest.
"I was just making sure."