They had named her cousin for this river. That fact tumbled like a stone through Megara's mind until it crystallized into a warning. The Ismenus River had flowed past generations of her family, and some had considered it sacred to the dynasty. She had to wonder if that was why Hades had foisted this assignment on her. She leaned against a tree, trying to appear focused. Thoughts of Ismene and how she'd never see her again couldn't stave off Hades forever.

"...So get out there, schmooze the river guardian onto my uprising squad, and you'll come back here in one piece." Hades set a centaur-shaped token on his chessboard. "Deal?"

Huh. Ignoring most of what he said really made Hades more tolerable. "That sounds like most of the plan, but I think you're forgetting the part where you jump in to close the deal before I wind up on the wrong end of the stables?"

"You're my closer, so get out there and close. If and when I join in depends entirely on your performance. Pain and Panic have tried to crack this nut a few times. I can't afford to show until everyone else has failed."

There were so many things she could say if she wanted her chance at freedom to shrink. Instead, she said, "Fine, so it's up to me to get back here unharmed, even though it sounded like you'd step in. If you're not going to help, then I deserve double the years off my sentence you originally promised."

"You're not in a place to haggle here." Hades gestured through the trees. "Bring me two centaurs, and then we'll talk about doubling your reward. You haven't brought me any, so your point is moot."

"I do better work than the brain trust, you know that."

"So this should be no problem for you, right?"

Megara set her jaw. "Just remember what I said. Centaurs and women mix, but not well."

Hades laughed. "Not my problem, babe. Get out there and try not to embarrass me too much."

There was no fighting it. Megara trudged through the trees with her fists at her sides and her mind heavy with resentment. She followed the sound of a waterfall and paused on the shoreline. No sign of a centaur yet… she'd have to call him to her.

"Nessus, Guardian of the River Ismenus, I summon you before me in the name of Hades, Lord of the Underworld."

At first, nothing happened.

Then, a towering shadow appeared in the waterfall. She was fairly certain the waterfall backed up against a sheer stone ledge, but the massive, bulky figure strode out of the water. Nessus was past his prime, judging by his stringy, greasy black hair and complete lack of anything atop his blue-skinned head. That didn't stop him from rippling with bulging muscles. Even his protruding brow and chin seemed to have some kind of exercise routine.

A scent wafted off him as soon as he was free of the water. Rotten meat, horse manure… and something else so putrid that years of living in the Underworld still hadn't given her long enough to discover it. He looked her over once and revealed teeth that reminded her more of Hades than any horse she'd ever seen.

"You aren't Pain and Panic in a dress, are you?" A valid question, and possibly just the angle she needed.

"Doesn't matter who I am, it matters who I speak for. Hades wants you to join his team for a big event he's got planned for the summer. You wouldn't want to miss out. It's once in a millennium."

The centaur stalked closer while Megara focused as much as she could on his hideous face to distract from the imposing… everything else. She'd dealt with enough centaurs since high school to know two things: they weren't too bright and they were always horny.

"So start talking, minion. This isn't the first time Hades has looked me up. Are you here to sweeten the deal?"

"Yes, actually." Megara took a deep breath and stood as tall as she could, arms folded. "Hades would like to offer you a chance to fight the Olympians. He believes it will be the most fun you'll ever have and–"

"I'll stop you right there." Nessus leaned closer to her. "I know fun. Hades sent you to me, that's all that matters."

"We can conduct negotiations another time if you want time to consider your options. You can ask Hades for just about anything and he'll have a solution." Megara took a step back, and that's when she saw it. She'd known it would be there, and she wished she hadn't seen it, but now she knew exactly what was in store for her.

"I already know what I want." One massive blue hand snatched at Megara, but she was faster.

She bolted out of the way and put her hands up. "I'm here as an ambassador. What can Hades do for you to ensure your loyalty?"

"Forget Hades," Nessus went for another swipe, but this time Megara raced into the trees.

The centaur was right about one thing: it was time to forget Hades. Self-preservation was all that mattered now. Her sandals flopped against her heels as she ran. It was her hair that undid her. She should've braided it, or even chopped it off! Pride won out over practicality in that instance. Just like a Theban. Nessus yanked Megara back out of the treeline by her ponytail.

This was it. Her neck would snap with this one searing white flash of pain and then she'd be in the Underworld before she had to endure any further outrages.

No such luck.

Still alive, Megara screamed as the hand around her hair hauled her back to the water, where Nessus dumped her. Her brief, shameful lapse of decorum was not the end of the horrors. Megara ran through the water, which clung to her dress as if the water itself wanted to undress her for its master.

One wrong step sent her foot sinking into the muck. She dropped to one knee while the creature effortlessly sloshed closer. From this angle, it was all too easy to see the fate he planned to subject her to. She'd never forget the monstrosity, or the calculations of how far he could shove it through her before her organs ruptured for a slow, agonizing death.

She yanked her foot free only for the beast's hand to wrap all the way around her waist and hoist her into the air. If Hades had any plans to pull her out of this scenario, this would be the time. No? Then she'd have to do it herself.

With a cry of disgust, Megara fought to push herself free, but to no avail. She pouted and snarled with all her royal outrage at the beast.. "I swear, Nessus, put me down or I'll–" she launched a kick toward his chin, but her toes glanced harmlessly against his beard.

"I like 'em fiery!" the creature exclaimed, leaning so close they nearly touched.

It was all she could do to cover her cleavage while he pressed his hideous, malodorous face closer into her personal space. He could swallow her whole. Why couldn't he flirt with something his own size?

He pulled back far enough to kiss her, but Megara was not about to put up with that. Her palace-soft arms went swinging, with no particular target in mind but all the determination in the world not to submit. The sole victory she won was annoying the centaur, who still pulled her close again.

By the time she braced herself against the too-large mouth, he was leering at her as he spat heavy treble notes of laughter into her face, along with his stench. Nothing she'd done had made any difference. She was still a vulnerable woman alone in the woods, the sort of thing stories had warned her about ever since her childhood. There was only one way these stories ended.

Nessus brought her closer, unafraid of the consequences.

"You have no idea what you're—!" Megara shouted desperately, but that couldn't stop the hideous malformed face from filling up her view.

He brought her in for a kiss, but Megara was ready for that, too. She braced herself against the centaur's lips and tried not to breathe in too much of his stench.

Enter stage left.

"Halt!"

Megara and Nessus both turned to look at the speaker, who'd appeared out of nowhere. An irrationally guilty part of Megara's mind made her wonder if an Olympian who'd heard what Hades was up to had caught her in the act.

He didn't look quite divine, but there was no question there was something different about him. She'd seen her share of muscle-bound bronze pretty boys, but they were show ponies. Whoever-he-was stood at the center of the lake with a wide stance and arms angled out from his sides to show off his biceps. Did he think he was about to do something? Though less than half the size of Nessus, he showed no sign of fear. Who did he think he was to get involved?

It didn't matter. With Nessus distracted, Megara redoubled her efforts to wrench herself free.

Over her shoulder, Nessus faced off against the boy. He was not part of the plan. What would Hades say about this? She hadn't thought to negotiate what would happen if they got caught.

The false bravado in this boy's voice irritated Megara the longer it went on, but when he finally addressed her with it, she snapped. "I'll have to ask you to release that young…"

"Keep moving, Junior!"

"...Lady…" Today wasn't going how he'd planned, either. He looked away to reassure himself he knew what procedure to walk through. Definitely unprepared for the real world, then. He wouldn't last a day in Thebes. "But…" This was his true voice. Inside this admittedly impressive bronzed body was an insecure boy who did not know what he was doing. Typical. Why else would he be here? "Aren't you… a damsel in distress?" he asked, trying his best to gesture politely at Nessus.

On the off chance he survived past today, he'd need to learn a few things. "I'm a damsel," she acknowledged, still busy trying to force herself free, "I'm in distress…" She could salvage this, but only if Gingerlocks decided to get lost. "I can handle this. Have a nice day!" she added with the most pleasant smile available to her.

"Uh…" his eyes were wide with innocence. Or at least, he wanted her to think he was innocent. Though, judging by the way he cleared his throat to get back into character, he hadn't exactly graduated from the Dionysian Academy for the Arts. He was halfway into his authoritative guise, trying to take control of the situation, when Nessus landed a sucker punch that sent him flying to the far end of the lake.

If he was smart, like a million other naïve, egotistical boys who'd fled Thebes at the first opportunity, this bronzed interloper would leave.

Nessus wasn't about to give him the chance. He stalked the boy as he fumbled in the lake for his sword. It was all Megara could do to struggle while his attention was elsewhere. If she couldn't get rid of this guy, the least he could do was provide a distraction. The centaur's instinct was right. Far from retreating, the boy was searching the lake for his sword. It seemed there was someone out in the trees giving him instructions. Great. A trainee. Wonderful.

The hapless would-be hero pulled a fish out of the water.

Why was the show pony still there?

A second later, Nessus punched the wannabe across the lake, head-first into a stone, and Megara saw it crack down the middle.

Well, that was that.

Nessus turned his full attention back on Megara. This time, she grabbed him by the beard; her vengeance for him nearly ripping her hair out. The fact he'd killed the Wonder Boy meant there was no negotiating with him. She just had to get out of there and–

Something slammed into Nessus, plunging Megara into the lake. Megara sat up, gagging on horsey water and blinded by her hair in her eyes. What could have hit the centaur that hard?

"Oh, gee, Miss. I'm sorry." She could barely hear him through the insulation of her hair. But there he was, the still-not-dead wonder boy hovering near her and refusing to leave. While she still could not move, the boy scooped Megara out of the water. She blindly curled her arm around his neck, and had she been more in touch with her faculties, she may have enjoyed it. The stranger set her down on the shoreline. "That was dumb."

At least he could admit it. Megara parted her hair as if it were curtains to aim a cutting, "Yeah," directly into his face. If he wanted to play hero, he better get good at it soon. Nessus was charging again.

"Excuse me!" He was trying to seem smooth, but it was too late for that. He ran off, meeting the charging centaur mid-stride. He might not be smooth, but he could put on a show.

Megara watched with budding respect as the boy absolutely obliterated the centaur. Monsters had always seemed so invincible. He might be a little too polite, even awkward, but there was no debate on whether he could fight.

As she wrung out her hair, Megara noticed a squat, gruff satyr cheering for what must be his trainee. "Is Wonder Boy here for real?" she asked.

"What are ya talking about? Of course, he's real!" the satyr replied. "And by the way sweet cheeks…" Megara had been on the cusp of a good mood. It was ruined the moment the lecherous, hairy nymph-chaser climbed into her lap. "I'm real too."

Now this was what she'd expected. In disgust, Megara shoved the satyr off her lap and returned to drying and rearranging her hair. Hades had only obliged her to speak with one hideous monstrosity for the day.