"You must be joking." President Loki dryly stated.
"No sir, it's the latest fashion these days." The businessman explained as he held the golden hook to Loki's wrist, where his right hand once was. "And it matches your... er, horns perfectly!"
"I'm the president of the United States, not a pirate! Kindly take your shiny backscratcher and return to whence you came!"
"Yes, Mr. President."
While President Loki told off the businessman, Verity Willis looked over the Michigan-Superior treaty.
"'We, the state of Superior, and we, the state of Michigan, agree to divide Mackinac Island evenly between us in exchange for an equal distribution of its resources, and all residents on the aforementioned island will remain as they were." Verity read the document aloud and scoffed. "No, you don't." She gave the treaty back to her assistant. "Take this back to both parties, and tell them it won't get approved until they write something other than a pack of lies on it. Thanks." She rested her head in her hands. "Ugh, I want to just skip all this proofreading nonsense and take a nap!"
"By all means, go right ahead!" President Loki suggested. "You're the most powerful mortal in the country: you do what you want! Now, where can I acquire a real replacement hand...?"
"If you still had your original hand, I could reattach it for you with my healing magic." Detective Loki spoke as he entered with his team. "But alas, it has been digested by the royal alligator!"
"Droll, very droll. Have you found any clues, detective, or have you returned merely to mock your superior?"
"Yes, we found a black hair at the house of the abducted woman in Paris, hoarded by her brother, who has fallen head of heels in love with her captor, for some reason." He placed the sample on his variant's desk. "We know for certain it isn't human hair by the analysis we ran, and we have reason to suspect it may have come from a Loki, but there's no proof to support that hypothesis yet."
"The one that didn't travel from another universe?" Verity asked.
"Precisely. Now, to review, the other women were from Hawaii, Fiji, Japan... and Italy?"
Verity checked the report. "Yep, plus England and Africa... Wakanda to be specific."
"I speak and understand neither Japanese nor Wakandan." Detective Loki admitted. "Mobius surely does: he claimed that he and the other agents the TVA abducted had to learn to speak every language spoken by people throughout the timeline!"
"They have phones and other devices with built-in translators you can use now." Verity pulled out her phone. "You just open this app here, and it automatically recognizes and translates any language that's spoken to you as they're speaking, and this translates your language back in the same one that was previously translated!"
"That's quite handy!" Sylvie remarked.
"They sell the latest model at the store over there!" Verity pointed out. "But most Wakandans speak English too, so you should only need it in Japan."
"Thank you, that's very helpful." Detective Loki replied. "So, any suggestions for our next destination?"
"Let's go to Hawaii and Fiji: I want to see their volcanoes." Fiamma voted.
"A tropical island sounds nice." Sylvie seconded. "It really is too bad Mobius has to miss out."
"And he's your partner with the cold?" Verity Willis guessed.
"Yes." Detective Loki affirmed. "He's also my favorite father figure and my best friend."
"Oh, your father figure is Midgardian now?" President Loki mocked. "Leaving your godliness to become a mortal: why does that sound... so... familiar...?" He tapped his finger to his chin as he spoke those last three words for emphasis. "Oh yes, you're copying Thor! Let me guess, you identify as human now, Loki Mobiusson?"
"As a matter of fact, that is my preferred last name now, but I still identify as both Jotun and Asgardian. Also, that racist attitude you so clearly display was ingrained in us both by our Asgardian culture, by the great lying hypocrite Odin in particular, which makes me thankful I was able to get away from it all. It wouldn't be such a bad idea for you to make a real friend here yourself, instead of only pawns to win over, as long as you're ruling a Midgardian country. Someone you can trust, as I learned to."
"Why, you sound as if you really do trust that mortal!"
"That's because I really do. You, on the other hand, don't seem to see what a golden opportunity you have right in front of you: Vice President Willis has the ability to see through lies, and she's clearly sick of them! You can't betray her, and she won't lie to you, so if there's anyone in this universe that you can trust, it's her!"
"He doesn't want to be my friend: he's made that perfectly clear." Verity huffed.
"There's no one I care to trust." President Loki added. "Nothing I can rely on except my own power."
Detective Loki shrugged. "That's an efficient way to become lonely, at least. Anyway, I didn't stop by to preach; let's be on our way, shall we? President Loki, why don't you see what more you can find with that hair sample?"
"I beg your pardon, but if you recall, as the one who hired you, I'm your boss; you don't give me orders, I give you orders! Now kindly go do your job, Defective Loki!"
Detective Loki glared at his mocker, yet as he turned to leave, he stopped and smirked to himself, a mischievous idea forming in his head. He flicked his wrist, secretly casting an illusion. He turned back around to face his variant, bearing a puzzled expression.
"It seems rather odd though, that you're more welcoming of that alligator by your side there than of me."
President Loki returned his look of confusion until, from the corner of his eye, he saw Alligator Loki snap at him! The president yelped and jumped back slightly. He fired a green blast of energy at the creature, but it passed right through the illusion and hit a painting of himself on the wall instead.
"Wha-!?" President Loki slowly faced his variant and glared while the detective and his fiancée chuckled at the joke. Fiamma smirked in amusement, while Verity scratched her head, not knowing why her partner got so spooked.
"Hilarious." President Loki deadpanned.
"In case you were doubting a reformed Loki could still get into mischief, ehehe."
When the Time Detectives left, President Loki shook his head and spoke to Verity. "I appreciate you not laughing."
"I didn't see the alligator, so it must have been an illusion, but honestly, you were asking for that. I've never seen someone be such an ass to themself as you are! What are you, jealous of yourself?"
"Tch, I am not jealous of that... that Thor wannabe!"
"Yeahhh, that's a lie. Is that why you hate him?"
"I hate him because he thinks he's better than me, with that whole, 'Look, I have friends and you don't because I'm soOoOoOo gOoD~' spiel! Preaching to me like I'm some sort of confused child- I don't think so! I have exactly what I want, thank you very much! If anything, he's the one who's jealous of me, because I have a throne and he does not!"
"Riiight, and yet you're the one who was being totally catty to him, ranting here about him while he's out trying to find a kidnapper." Verity quipped. "And everything he's told you has been the truth, while you're obviously covering up with excuses."
"Whose side are you on? Is the duty of the vice president not to support her president?"
Verity sighed. "Yeah, but I don't have to like it."
As the detectives arrived on the Hawaiian island of Maui, they were each offered a colorful lei. Sylvie received an open-ended one instead of a circular one, their tradition to prevent bad luck for her upcoming birthing, and Fiamma cooled her neck down to narrowly avoid setting hers on fire by accident. They also received a kiss on each side of the face from the locals before the detectives thanked them and visited the next abductee's house.
This one was empty, since no one else was living there, so they questioned the neighbors to see if they knew anything. Then they checked the house for clues, Loki employing the lockpick on his new swiss army knife to let them in, but they didn't find anything this time either.
They hiked to the summit of Haleakalā with a group of tourists, curious to see a volcano up close.
"Excuse me!" Loki got the attention of their tour guide. "When was this volcano last active?"
"Not since hundreds of years ago; experts say between... 1480 and 1600. It's one of our most dormant volcanoes."
"Oh, I see. And what of the volcanoes on the other islands?"
"Well, the most recent eruptions came from Kīlauea, between 2093 and 2095, so unfortunately, you won't likely see any lava flowing today."
"That is too bad." Sylvie agreed. "I would have liked to watch it go off myself."
"Too bad the people here are so friendly." Fiamma griped. "I'm really tempted to make the volcano erupt myself, but that'll probably fry these tourists!"
"Now now, if it's an eruption to want, we can always go to the past, when these volcanoes were active, after this case is closed. We could even take a trip to 79 AD Pompeii!" Loki appeased. "It's rated in the top ten on the Loki's Recommended Apocalypse Tour!"
Fiamma slowly nodded, but as the others began to leave, she fired her hands up. "Just a little eruption, not enough to hurt anyone!" She promptly used her powers to shoot lava into the air, frightening the nearby people who were watching. She quickly cast a fiery barrier to keep the lava from falling on anyone. "Worth it."
"Now that is what your first move should be on your next Loki: speaking as one, most of us would find that display quite romantic." Loki honestly advised.
"Are you serious or being sarcastic?"
"I'm serious."
The Hawaiians that saw Fiamma then backed away in reverence, many even bowing to her and bringing her fruit. "Tūtū Pele!" They called her.
"They seem to think you're some sort of Hawaiian lava goddess." Sylvie deduced.
"Wise humans." Fiamma remarked. "So, Fiji?"
"Fiji." Loki confirmed.
Along the island of Taveuni, they knocked at the next house, answered by a very young girl.
"Who are you?"
"We're detectives, on the missing persons ca-"
"Did you find my big sister?" The child anxiously interrupted Loki.
"I'm sorry, not yet. We need to find more clues to lead us to her and the others. What's her name, and what is yours?"
"She's Lani, I'm Ele. Who are you?"
"Loki, pleased to make your acquaintance. Ele, could we please search your home for clues."
"You may, Loki." Ele said with an innocent smile.
Unfortunately, they didn't find any evidence in that house either, so they bid Ele farewell and moved on to Africa.
Believing him to be the recently elected president, the Wakandans let the detectives through the barrier into their country.
They then escorted Loki and his team to King T'Chara.
"Welcome, President Loki." He greeted. "I heard you're working on the case of the missing women."
"Yes. We've been visiting the homes of the women in question, searching for any evidence we can find. So far, we know they went willingly with a dark-haired man of alien origin, yet we suspect he has them under a spell."
"We know about this seductive stranger, but do not worry for the woman from our country. She is not missing, she is in pursuit of this man to free the others; she is Dora Milaje."
"And why is that? Is Miss Milaje a celebrity here?"
T'Chara chuckled. "You misunderstand, the Dora Milaje are a group of noble warriors that serve the throne."
"Ah, so akin to the Einherjar of Asgard."
"She will bring this abductor to justice very soon. You can rest easy and go about your other duties as I go about mine."
Detective Loki seemed unsure. "I suppose. So, you must be a descendant of the past king, T'Challa? I met him on a previous case, where he defended the good Thanos."
"Good Thanos? Those don't sound like words that go together! You can't mean the Mad Titan Thanos, who tried to wipe out half of existence in 2018?!"
"It's a long story, but there's a universe where he changes his ways and fights to help preserve life instead of take it."
"You don't say. But yes, I am the great great grandson of King T'Challa the second, son of King T'Challa the first. Do you know which T'Challa you met?"
Loki thought for a moment and shook his head. "No, he didn't say. Still, your agent could use some backup: warrior or not, this foe fights with charm, not unlike a Loki, so I'd advise allowing a Loki to aid you in this quest."
The Wakandan king nodded. "That sounds like a good idea. I will inform her." He raised his Kimoyo Beads and spoke into them. "Nibiki, I am sending some reinforcements your way; I hope you don't mind. Nibiki?" He turned the device off. "She's not answering; something must be wrong. We can still track her location through her Kimoyo Beads, fortunately. She is currently in New York City, in Times Square for some reason. Here is a photo of Nibiki, so you will recognize her on sight. Make sure she is alright, and we will be grateful beyond measure."
"We'll find her." The detectives arrived at the location King T'Chara gave them, making their way through the crowd of shoppers. "Do you see her anywhere?"
"Not just her." Sylvie replied, pointing to the dark-haired man she saw in the first witness's memory. "Him!"
The detectives silently followed the mysterious man, who led the group of missing women into one of the main shopping centers. As the group browsed, he let his entourage pick out as much jewelry and sexy clothing as they pleased while he smooth-talked the merchants into giving them all to him for free. They also gave him all their latest technology and their best wares without him even asking, seemingly enchanted by his very presence.
"The Loki?" Healer wondered.
"We'll see." Sylvie assured. "Let's go introduce ourselves."
"Wait, Loki. "Fiamma stopped him. "You're a shapeshifter, right? It would be a better idea for you to shapeshift into a woman before we confront this silver-tongued abductor. That way, if he really is a Loki, he'll have less chance of recognizing you, and even if he isn't, he'll be more welcoming of another lady than a detective, obviously."
"...Yes, I'll wager he would. Then I could see into his mind while he allows us, perhaps even beckons us, to draw near him."
"And we could cuff him and turn him into the authorities while his guard is down!" Sylvie added. "Brilliant plan!"
"Diplomacy and guile, correct?" Fiamma reviewed.
"Correct." Loki agreed with a smile. "It is time for a Loki makeover."