Chapter 10
The next morning, as the glare of the morning sunshine dragged me from my sleep, I woke up at my desk again. I clenched my eyes shut tighter for a moment. I fought the need to sit up, knowing what awaited. I couldn't put it off forever, though, and groaned severely when the kink in my neck introduced itself. I rubbed at the back of my neck with one hand, gently pulling against it so that I could straighten my head. At my feet, beneath the desk, Archer snorted and twitched.
"Maybe I should just move my fucking bed in here," I muttered. "Probably end up getting as much sleep as I do now, anyway…"
There was a knock at the door, and I grunted. My maid swept into the room with a tray of horrible-smelling coffee, but the promise of caffeine still made my mouth water regardless.
You know it's gonna be bad when the coffee smells bad…
"Milord, good morning," Elle said cheerfully.
"Do you just hover by my door, waiting to hear me talking to myself in the mornings?" I asked her, rubbing my face with one hand.
"It's a good indicator you're awake," she giggled. "That, or talking to your dog, anyway."
I grunted again, nudging Archer off my foot as I sat up a little straighter in my chair. Elle was already pouring me a cup of coffee from the rough percolator prototype we'd made up.
"Milord, may I just say that you look dreadful," she said, holding out the cup.
"You're lucky I like you," I growled, taking the cup.
"Is there something wrong with your bed?" she asked me.
"I think there's something wrong with me, not the bed," I sighed.
I went to take a sip, but hesitated. Bracing myself, I took a big mouthful of the steaming liquid, trying not to let it touch my tongue.
I failed.
Miserably.
"God damn, that's worse than the first batch!" I coughed.
"Aw, I thought it turned out pretty good," Elle frowned.
I glared at her, taking a big heaping spoonful of sugar and dropping it into my cup before taking another sip. It didn't help, so as I made another disgusted face, I dropped another in. This, finally, made the coffee palatable. I took a long sip from the cup, sighing as I felt alertness returning to my mind.
"Ugh, I must have been totally desensitized if a simple cup of coffee gives me this much of a kick," I sighed.
"What did you have in your own world?" Elle asked, already preparing me a second cup.
"We called them 'energy drinks'," I sighed again. "Original name, I know. They were mostly sugar and chemicals, but they did the job as surely as they slowly poisoned you."
"That's horrible!" Elle said, eyes widening. "Does coffee do that, too!?"
"No, and if you try to take it away from me there'll be hell to pay," I warned.
"Alright, alright," Elle soothed. "I'd drink up if I were you. To'shi wanted to see you before the day started."
"Hrm. Fine. Sure. Whatever," I said, stifling a yawn. "Wait, why isn't he in Port Ferox right now?"
"You'd have to ask him, milord," Elle said.
"Good answer," I smirked. "Don't ask, don't tell. Smart girl."
"Can I assume you would like your breakfast served here, too?" she asked.
"See? Very smart girl," I chuckled.
"Stop trying to butter me up," Elle huffed.
"I am paying you a genuine compliment," I deadpanned.
This brought Elle up short, and I didn't fail to notice the way her ears went a little red as she cleared her throat.
"Oh," she said. "Well. Thank you, milord."
Fortunately, we were saved from any further awkwardness by a knock on the door, and Elle gave a small sigh of relief.
"Ah, that's probably them now," she said, moving to the door.
My brow quirked at 'them', but I chose to remain silent as I rested my elbows on my desk and steepled my fingers. At my feet, Archer glanced up, blinking at me tiredly.
To'shi stepped into my office, nodding a polite greeting to Elle as he led Su'ko and a woman I'd never seen before into the room. She was short, only a little taller than Su'ko and Elle, but carried herself with a swaggering confidence that either other girl lacked, which matched the threadbare men's clothing she wore. She was young, too, only in her early twenties, if I had to hazard a guess, slight of build, with long auburn hair tied back in a functional tail and a little half-smirk on her lips as she looked around the room. When she turned, I realized that the top left half of her face was covered in a white porcelain mask, obscuring her left eye and the upper half of her face.
"Good morning," I said, tone fairly dripping fatigue.
"Good morning, General," To'shi said with a polite bow.
"Elle said you wanted to see me?" I said slowly. "Who's your new friend?"
"Name's Gaila Domitea, at yer service," the woman said, stepping up next to To'shi.
I resisted the urge to grin or quirk an eyebrow at her accent; wherever she was from in this world, she sounded pretty fucking Irish to me.
"Ben," I grunted. "You can just call me 'General'. And I'm afraid, if you're looking for work, Colonel Virion is the one that handles personnel assignments these days."
"Actually, milord, she's not here for the army," To'shi said slowly.
"I'm here to be yer new first mate!" Gaila said cheerfully.
I blinked a few times at the woman, before I looked questioningly to the ninja next to her.
"We have noticed you seem to be… busy lately," To'shi started.
"You are over-working yourself, and this is an intervention," Elle sighed. "Really, To'shi, this is the General. You don't need to beat around the bush."
"I am both confused and annoyed," I said, sitting up, and glaring over at Su'ko. "And I guess you're in on this, too?"
The young ninja looked decidedly uncomfortable as she stepped forward, eyes down.
"You are my lord," she said softly. "It is my duty to protect you, yet you are… harming yourself. I could not let it continue."
I clenched up, resisting the urge to growl at her double-meaning there.
Clearly, the ninja girl was more observant than I'd been hoping.
"Gaila here was a quartermaster on a Valmese corsair ship," Elle explained, either oblivious to or ignoring my worsening temper. "She's agreed to come on and help you manage things, so you're not over-worked." Now that Robin's not here to do it all for you anymore.
The second half of that sentence went unsaid, but I could see it in their eyes. I clenched my jaw a little, but decided to play this out a little before shutting them down.
"Actually, I was on a raider ship," Gaila chimed in, still grinning. "Though I did serve in the Corsair King's fleet. I wasn't too keen on joining up with your navy, but when Yem got to talkin' about you, I thought working directly for you wouldn't be too bad."
This brought me up short.
"You know Yem?" I asked.
"Course I do!" Gaila laughed. "Ain't a pirate alive who don't know your Admiral! No matter the sea you sailed, not a single pirate who didn't know the Corsair King, feared from coast to coast, at least until recently..."
I couldn't help grinning along, just a little. Her laugh was heady and rough, from the belly, and I found that I liked the sound of it.
It didn't last long, though, and I sighed as I ran a hand down my face. It wasn't as if they weren't right… I was pushing myself trying to make things happen here, and without Robin to be my paperwork buffer I was getting backed up anyway. Add to that the insomnia…
"I'm not happy you went behind my back like this," I said to To'shi, Su'ko and Elle. "At all. I'm actually livid, and you're lucky I'm tired. But you are right. I could use the help. She'll do. Until she gets killed or I find someone better, anyway."
"What, just like that?" she asked.
"If both To'shi and Yemuel vouched for you, then you're good," I shrugged. "I trust them."
"I'm… honored by your trust, General," To'shi said, bowing again.
"Great!" Gaila said, clapping. "It's settled then. That was much easier than I thought it'd be."
"You can read and write Ylissean?" I asked, rising from behind my desk.
"And Valmese and Plegian," Gaila nodded.
"You any good at keeping secrets?" I went on. "Because you're gonna see and hear some weird shit around here."
"I know how to keep my trap shut," she nodded.
"Good," I said. "We have work to do. Keep up. The rest of you, as you were. Go bother someone else until I'm less pissed off at you. Archer, come."
The dog was up and at my heel in an instant as I walked around the desk, and Gaila gave an odd, strangled squeal when she spotted the mutt.
"Oh, if you aren't the cutest thing I've seen since I got to this landlocked hell-hole of a city!" she crooned.
As she spoke, the ex-pirate dropped to her knees right in front of Archer and began stroking his head and neck. The big dog looked up at me questioningly, but Gaila clearly knew what she was doing, because before long his tail was wagging and tongue lolling as he surrendered to her ministrations.
"The fact that my dog didn't bite your hand off is also a good indication of your character," I said drolly.
"Aw, he's such a cutie," Gaila chuckled. "I love dogs! We always had cats on the bigger ships, to keep the rats outta the cargo, so I never got to play with dogs as much!"
"Well, you're welcome to keep him busy when we're not," I smirked.
"This job just got amazing," she laughed, hopping back to her feet. "Lead on, Boss-man!"
"Why do all you ex-pirates keep calling me that?" I muttered.
"So, what's the plan?" Gaila asked.
"Helmets," I said, striding from the office.
To'shi and Su'ko had already disappeared, and a despondent Elle was busy clearing up the tray of 'liquid breakfast' I'd had as unobtrusively as possible, so we just breezed right on out.
"Come again?" Gaila asked, hurrying to keep up.
"We need to procure helmets, so we're going to be going to meet with armorers and stuff," I told her. "I'm expecting some great things from a former quartermaster in this."
"You leave it to me, boss!" Gaila said enthusiastically.
"Please tone down the sunshine and rainbows," I groaned. "It's too early for this shit."
By mid-morning I was trudging back up the stairs, Gaila practically skipping along behind me. She'd impressed me with her handling of the armorers, especially when they'd gotten huffy about a rush order and lack of materials. Long story short, we'd bought up a lot of pots and pans that would be melted down and turned into helmets as fast as possible. Because this was a rush job there wasn't enough iron just lying around, so we were improvising; the copper and brass would be combined with what we did have into a form of steel that was being molded into something similar to the old Carthaginian ones from back home.
It was costing me a fortune.
"I cannot believe you actually forgot the helmets!" Gaila laughed, shaking her head.
"I don't wear one," I grunted. "They mess up my hair."
This earned another deep, belly-laugh as we crested the top of the stairs. Usually, this would be when the others were breaking for morning tea, but with the army mustering and a good half of the officers in the field, the common room was almost empty. Only Lucina and Cynthia looked up as we entered the room, a few cups and a saucer of cookies between them on the table.
"Ben, good morning," Lucina said. "We didn't see you at breakfast."
"I'm trying to solve the helmet problem," I sighed. "We've secured about a hundred we can send out to the front right away, but it's gonna take some time to get more ready. And hello, Cynthia. Nice to see your sister hasn't killed you yet."
"Not for lack of trying," Cynthia muttered.
"I heard that," Lucina deadpanned.
"So, who's your new friend, General!?" Cynthia asked, almost desperately trying to change the subject.
I glanced up to where Gaila was raiding the side-board, half a cookie hanging out of her mouth already as she glanced over.
"This is Gaila," I said. "My new, uh… my new… what is your job description, anyway?"
"I'm the General's new First Mate," Gaila said brightly, swallowing her cookie damn near whole. "Damn, boss! These cookies are incredible! And you just have them lying around?"
"They're… just cookies?" I said slowly.
"Just cookies, he says!" Gaila scoffed. "I only ever saw these things on the richest merchant vessels, or on royal ones. They never lasted long, I'll tell you that much!"
I blinked, utterly lost. Before I could ask what the hell she was talking about, Cynthia spoke up, and I lost my chance. I ended up filing this information away for enquiring about later.
"Oh, another pirate. Yay," Cynthia said, deflating.
Clearly, someone still remembered their experience in the Arturia's brig.
"Ex-pirate," Gaila grinned. "And I prefer the term 'high-risk trader', thank you."
"Yem told you to use that one, didn't he?" I asked her.
"Aw, damn," Gaila huffed, clicking her fingers. "I was hoping you'd forgot telling him that one."
"Personal assistant, she's my new personal assistant," I said, turning back to the sisters. "Gaila, this is Lucina and Cynthia, they're time-travelling royalty come back from the future to help us stop Grima from-"
"Ben!" Lucina screamed as she jumped to her feet, aghast. "Have you gone mad!?"
Gaila blinked a few times, before she chuckled a little as I shrugged.
"She's gonna be working closely with me, she'll find out eventually," I said.
"I assume this is the 'weird shit' you warned me about?" Gaila asked. "Yem did warn me about you…"
"Some of it," I smirked. "Wait til you meet my time-traveling kid."
"That was not your secret to tell!" Lucina seethed.
Gaila leaned forward as Lucina advanced on me, making a thoughtful sound.
"Well pierce my neck and call me a fish," the former pirate muttered. "She's got the Holy Brand..."
"So do I!" Cynthia added. "I'm a princess, too!"
"Where is your brand, anyway?" I asked around Lucina.
"Do not ignore me!" Lucina thundered. "You are getting a little too irreverent about this situation!"
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," I said, holding up my hands. "I should have asked first."
"I don't think it's that big a deal," Cynthia chimed in. "I mean, he wouldn't have said anything if he didn't trust her, right?"
"That is not the point!" Lucina snapped.
"Archer! Archer, save me!" I called.
There was a series of loud thuds as Archer came screaming up the stairs, and Lucina actually took an uncertain step back as the dog came bounding up to her. Fortunately, 'save me' was code for 'let's play', and his tail was wagging as he barreled into Lucina's hip. The princess gasped as she was forced back another step, Archer barking happily as he circled her.
Then, true to form, he parked his arse on her foot.
"That is the neatest trick I've ever seen," Gaila commented.
"You will not distract me with your dog!" Lucina growled.
Archer gave a plaintive whine, looking up expectantly at her. The princess glanced down, guilt flashing across her features.
"I think he wants a cuddle, Princess," Gaila chuckled.
Lucina's glare snapped back up to the ex-pirate, who chuckled and spread her hands a little.
"And for what it's worth, I'm being paid more than enough to keep my trap shut about your… weird little situation," she added.
"See that you do," Lucina sighed.
"I promise that next time, I'll clear it with you before I let someone else in on the secret," I told her.
"Did you mention the fact you're from another world altogether?" Lucina pointedly asked.
"Wait, really?" Gaila laughed, grinning at me.
"Shit yeah I am," I grinned back.
"This job is so weird and I love it," she laughed.
Cynthia scooted forward in her seat as Lucina finally relented and started petting Archer, huffing and shooting a glare at me, most likely for not reacting to her spilling my secret the way I did hers.
"It's on my back. Answering your question from earlier, my brand's on my back," the younger princess said.
"Huh, really?" I said.
"Yeah, on my shoulder blade," she said.
As she spoke, she turned in her chair, and proceeded to pull her riding dress up to her shoulders.
"See?" she said over her shoulder.
"Cynthia!" Lucina barked, scandalized.
"What?" she asked. "It's just my back!"
True enough, the brand of the Exalt was right there, on her back, although I was somewhat distracted by the ample glimpse of side-boob this had all given me. I also noticed a nasty looking scar near her shoulder blade, which somewhat spoiled the moment by reminding me of the hell they had all come from in the future. I still felt a profound sense of disappointment as Cynthia put her dress back down, though, the younger Princess turning back around with a grin.
"So, were you really a pirate?" Cynthia asked excitedly.
"Guess I was, yeah," Gaila chuckled. ''Twas the life we'd chosen one and all! With the waves to rest our heads, the seas our pillows and our beds, hoisted high upon the mast our flag flies! Or at least it did..."
"You have to have so many cool stories, then!" Cynthia said excitedly.
"Later," I said. "We're late for a meeting. Archer, stay."
The big dog wuffed an affirmative, and Lucina gave a long-suffering sigh. Gaila laughed again as she followed me towards my office, and I could already hear Lucina complaining again behind us. Now that I knew she couldn't be mean to Archer, I knew her weakness…
"So, what was that about Grima?" Gaila asked once we were in the hall.
"They're from a future where we fail, and where the Fell Dragon destroys the world," I told her plainly. "It's kind of a sore spot."
"Ah, now I see why she got so pissed," Gaila said.
"You're taking this all pretty well," I commented.
"Well, you did warn me," she shrugged. "Besides, I'm still processing it. I'm sure I'll freak out sometime later. What's it like coming from another world?"
"Inconvenient," I sighed. "I miss coffee."
"How did you get here?" Gaila asked. "I don't imagine you just hopped on a boat."
"I got blackout drunk and woke up in a forest in southern Ylisse," I shrugged. "I have no idea how or why."
"And they just made you a Duke!?" Gaila burst out laughing.
"I know! This country is retarded!" I shook my head.
"And you went and made Yemuel an admiral, too!?" Gaila went on. "A pirate! A known, wanted criminal, feared up and down both sides of the Valmese coast, and he's your fucking admiral!?"
"I had to get my revenge somehow," I grinned. "That'll teach em for putting me in charge."
"You're insane," Gaila said. "At least working for you won't be boring."
"Now you're catching on!" I chuckled.
I led the way into my office, Gaila still chuckling as she followed me in. I stopped to watch as she flopped down onto the couch against the wall, making a thoughtful sound.
"Remind me to get you a desk," I told her.
"Hey, boss, remember to-" she started.
"Later, remind me later," I laughed. "Smartass."
Gaila grinned, sitting up as I slumped into my chair.
"That's the first time I've seen you laugh," she pointed out. "Like, I mean, really laugh. You should do it more often, looks good on you."
"I would, but I have an image to maintain," I grinned. "And you're actually the second pirate to tell me that now."
"Ex-pirate," Gaila corrected me.
There was a knock at the door before we could go on, and Anna waltzed into the room like she owned the place. Fortunately, this proved to be the perfect distraction, given the way Gaila's jaw dropped.
"Yoo-hoo! You called?" Anna chirped, skipping up to my desk.
"Anna!?" she gasped. "You're workin' for the Boss, too!?"
"Sorry, are you talking to me?" Anna asked, perching on the corner of my desk. "You might have me confused with one of my sisters."
"Anna, you sold merchandise for me for years," Gaila shook her head.
"I think you mean 'fenced' merchandise for you," I scoffed.
"Fenced?" Anna frowned, quirking her head before bolting upright. "Oh! Oh, you're one of the Valmese… ah, I see. No, you knew Anna, not me! I'm Anna, her second cousin twice removed on my mother's side."
"Are you fucking with me right now?" Gaila asked, looking between Anna and I.
"No, there's more than one of her," I sighed.
"Anna always was a bit of a black sheep," Anna went on, tapping her finger to her chin. "I'm not surprised to find out she was involved with some shady business. But, that's life."
The merchant bounced off the corner of my desk, smiling widely as she held a hand out to Gaila.
"Anyway, I'm Anna!" she beamed. "It's nice to meet you!"
"I am very confused," Gaila said, rising to shake her hand. "But, I'm Gaila. It's… nice to meet you?"
"Get three of them in a room at once, then try giving me that look," I scoffed.
"Anyway, what did you call me for?" Anna asked, spinning on her heel. "I'm guessing it wasn't just to meet your new arm-candy?"
"Hah! He wishes!" Gaila grinned.
"Ugh, no thanks," I groaned. "I'm having enough trouble keeping up with the amount of pussy throwing itself at me right now as is, thank you very much."
"I… feel like I could have chosen a better time to walk into this room."
I let my face fall to the desk with a loud thud as Emm stepped into the room, blushing as she frowned at me. This set both Anna and Gaila off into fits of giggles, causing me to beat my head against the hard wooden surface a few more times for good measure.
"I should know better by now," I said into my tabletop.
"You really should," Anna grinned.
"This has been a brilliant first day," Gaila sighed, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.
"Naga, I know you're there you vindictive bitch, strike me down please," I groaned.
Emm cleared her throat, and I sat up to find her standing over my desk with her arms crossed, glaring down at me. Funnily enough, Gaila actually glanced up and clenched her hands at her breast, as if in prayer, before glaring at me, too. I'd obviously have to remember not to blaspheme around her, if I wanted her to keep working for me.
"Don't give me that look, it's your religion, not mine," I huffed.
"I have not taken your 'Eru Illuvitar's' name in vain, have I?" she asked.
"You don't even know who he is!" I pointed out.
"I see this meeting is off to a great start, Boss," Gaila said.
"Right, shit, the meeting," I sighed, running a hand down my face.
I leaned around Emm, looking out the door.
"Elle!" I called. "Elle, coffee please!"
"And tea," Emm said frostily.
"And tea for three!" I added.
There was the sound of a door closing from down the hall, and Elle stomped up the hall, stopping in the door with a furious look on her face.
"I just managed to put Noire down for a nap," the maid growled. "And I swear, by all you hold dear, if you wake her with your yelling, I will end you. Milord."
"Did Robin tell you to say that?" I deadpanned. "Coffee for me, tea for the ladies, please. And something for yourself. You look like you could use a break."
Elle gave a very long sigh, before curtseying and scurrying off.
"Right, well, let's get down to business, then," I said.
"I love the sound of that sentence," Anna sighed blissfully, sinking into one of the chairs in front of my desk.
Emm gave a huff, but sat down next to Anna.
"Right, so, here's the deal," I started. "Emm, I'd like you to do a huge favor for me, and yes, I am aware that blaspheming right in front of you was not a great lead-in to that."
"You don't say," Emm deadpanned, earning a nod from Gaila.
"I've gotten reports that a lot of civilians were displaced when the Valmese invaded at Port Ferox," I explained. "Fortunately, it's coming up on Summer, but it still gets a bit nippy that far north. I wanted to send supplies and stuff, but I can't spare the man-power right now, and I was hoping you could help out with that."
"Ben, you know I wish to be of use," Emm said slowly. "But… I cannot join your army. It goes against everything I stand for."
"This has nothing to do with the army," I assured her. "My 'household' is literally just that pissed-off maid that is probably spitting in my coffee right now, and the lady running the kitchen tighter than any platoon-leader ever could. I don't actually have anyone to send to do this. No one I trust, anyway."
"So why am I here?" Anna piped up.
"Because I also don't actually have any supplies to send the civilians, either," I shrugged. "I was hoping you could help Emm get some stuff together to bring up to them. And maybe go with her."
"What, on credit?" Anna asked, eyes flashing dangerously. "Because your tab is starting to get a little long, mister."
"Ah-ah-ah," I said. "The army's tab is. Which, I assure you, is under control; Chrom's about to approve more funding. No, this one is all me, and all up front."
As I finished, I reached into my desk drawer and pulled a small chest out of it, placing it on the desk between us.
"This is everything I have," I said, flipping it open. "Everything I, personally, have made in the last three years. I want the two of you to use this to help those people. Gaila, you were a quartermaster, you can help, too."
Anna's jaw dropped, and Emm's brows shot up. Behind them, Gaila gasped.
The chest was full to bursting with gold coins.
"That is… a lot of money," Anna said.
Elle chose that moment to reappear with a tray of drinks, beginning to pass them out. As she placed the mug of coffee in front of me, she looked up, noticing the chest for the first time, and blinked.
"Oh, is that the raise you were promising me?" she asked innocently.
"Ha! For this much I'd expect-" I started.
Emm cleared her throat, and I bit my tongue to stop myself mid-joke.
"Ah, never mind," I muttered. "No, it's not your raise."
"Pity," Elle shrugged. "Here are your refreshments, milord."
Elle calmly placed the cups in front of all of us, Emm frowning at me as Gaila and Anna both visibly drooled over the money on the desk.
"Ben, you could buy a house with this," Emm said. "Why spend it all on…"
"On humanitarian aid?" I finished. "Because I don't want it."
"I'll take it!" Anna chimed in.
I ignored her, continuing.
"Look, I know it's weird," I sighed, sinking in my seat a little. "But I'm sick and goddamned tired of being told 'it's not your problem, it's not your territory, let someone else deal with it'. The only way things get better is if we make them better. So, help me make the world a little better."
"You're right, it's weird," Anna said, shaking her head in astonishment. "You're insane. Certifiably insane."
There was a moment of silence, where Gaila looked at me with what I hoped was a measure of respect, and Emm just looked down at the little chest of glittering coins. When she looked up again, it was with a warm smile.
"I think I misjudged you, Ben," she said.
"No, you were right, I'm still a blasphemous prick," I assured her, earning a few chuckles from Gaila and Anna. "But, well…"
"I understand," Emm chuckled. "We will use this money to help the people of Regna Ferox."
"Good!" I sighed. "Because you still need to go convince Chrom that this was your idea, not mine. Because I don't want to die."
Emm blinked a me a few times before she burst out laughing, Anna sighing and shaking her head. Gaila just looked on in confusion, but shrugged it off as unimportant.
"Ah, yes, I'll do that, then," Emm chuckled, wiping a tear from her eye. "Truly, Ben, I think I've laughed more in the last month than I did in my entire lifetime before."
"I do play a convincing fool, yes," I sighed, taking a sip from my coffee.
I glanced up, spitting coffee all over my tabletop as Nowi pranced into my office…
"I heard laughing, what's going on?" she asked innocently.
… wearing nothing but one of my shirts.
There was a dead silence for a beat, before Emm sighed and shook her head.
"Really, Ben?" she asked. "Again?"
"Oh my god, Nowi, why?" I groaned. "Why are you wearing my shirt? We didn't even do anything last night!"
"Because I get lonely," she cooed. "You only want to spend time with me at night, so wearing your shirt is the closest I get to you during the day. It's like you're hugging me all day long!"
"Ya know," Gaila said slowly. "Some of my former crewmates had lovers this young and they were sick SOB's. I think I might be the one that misjudged you. I knew it was too good to be true. You might be a humanitarian, but you're also a pedophile. Great."
"You know what?" I said. "Judge me all you want, but I still get to fuck a dragon."
Gaila's head snapped around to look at me with wide eyes, and Emm and Anna both made disgusted sounds as Nowi giggled.
"Rawr," the diminutive manakete, who I may remind you is more than a thousand years old, grinned.
"Will you please take that off?" I sighed.
"Sure!" Nowi giggled.
The little dragon reached for the hem of my shirt, beginning to pull it up.
"Not here!" I snapped.
"Milord!" Elle hissed. "Noire is sleeping!"
"I hate you all," I sobbed.
"So… she's not a kid?" Gaila asked. "Wait... Is she... of the clan of Naga? Blood to the Holy Voice; A Manakete of the Divine Dragons?"
"Look at her ears," I groaned.
Nowi just grinned impishly, tilting her head to let the long green hair fall away from the tips of her tapered ears.
"It's true," Nowi added. "I'm older than all of you put together."
"You do this on purpose," I deadpanned. "You're trying to get these people to kill me."
"Or I'm trying to ruin your reputation so I can keep you all to myself," she said, winking suggestively.
As she spoke, Nowi skipped into the room and picked up my cup of coffee, taking a big sip without looking. I thought about warning her, but decided not to. The way her eyes widened and her face went pale was worth the emotional pain I'd just endured as she got her first taste of coffee and practically threw the cup back down.
"Ugh! That's not tea!" she cried.
"That's what you get," I growled.
"Alright, I believe I have a meeting to have with my brother," Emm declared, rising.
"Right, Gaila, why don't you and Anna get started tracking down supplies and stuff," I said. "Make sure you go through Baham when you go north, I'll organize a platoon from there to be your labor force or something. In the meantime, I'll take Nowi and we'll go help Olivia make room for the helmets in the storehouse."
"Me!?" Nowi cried.
"You wanna embarrass me, I'm putting you to work," I said. "And if you don't help, I'll stop doing that thing with my tongue."
"I'm out!" Anna yelped, darting from the room.
"Ugh," was all I got out of Emm as she stalked off, too.
Gaila looked at me for a moment, glancing down at Nowi in what appeared to be confused reverence, before turning to follow Anna.
"I'll… come find you later, Boss," she said, suddenly a little more subdued than earlier.
"Right, and I have some other stuff-" Nowi started.
"Oh no ya don't!" I said.
I rose to my feet, grabbing Nowi around the middle and throwing her up over my shoulder like a sack of grain.
"No! I don't wanna work!" she fake-cried.
"It's either that, or I kick you out!" I said over her.
"I'll kick you both out if you wake Noire!" Elle cut in. "Now get lost if you're gonna make so much noise! Milord!"
"You keep yelling and you'll be the one that wakes her up," I said mildly. "And isn't this my barracks?"
Elle just narrowed her eyes at me, and I smirked as I hauled Nowi downstairs with me, though she protested all the way.
Sometimes it was good to be in charge.
Olivia was so happy for the help she almost burst into tears, and we spent the rest of the afternoon reorganizing the limited warehouse space to hold all the helmets that were currently being cast by the suppliers. The dancer had a few choice words about the fact that we'd forgotten the helmets at all, and Nowi's current state of dress, but had calmed down when the manakete revealed she was wearing her normal outfit under my shirt.
I swear, that girl was actually trying to get me killed…
Emm had shown back up later in the afternoon, a victorious little grin on her face as she, Anna and Gaila coopted the meeting room upstairs for their planning session. Clearly, Chrom still couldn't contend with his sister's will. Though, I doubted if anyone really could win an argument with the former Exalt.
I left Nowi with Olivia downstairs, the pair engaged in what could only be described as 'girl talk' when I departed, trudging back up to the rooms above us with an exhausted sigh.
All I wanted to do was clean up, relax a little with my kid before dinner, then just kinda veg out for the rest of the evening. Despite what Noire had told me the other day, I still felt a little guilty for spending so little time with her infant-self. A little quality time with my daughter before dinner felt like just what I needed.
I came into the common room, expecting to see Elle with Noire…
"Panne?" I asked, stopping in my tracks.
The Taguel woman looked up from the baby in her arms, smiling gently as she bounced Noire a little against her breast. I'd never seen that look on her face before, even when we had cuddled after banging. It was a very gentle, maternal expression, and it suited her.
"Ben," she nodded. "Elle has gone to prepare dinner. I offered to watch your spawn."
"The word is daughter," I smirked. "And what are you doing here? Why aren't any of the Shepherds in Regna Ferox? I thought you were all heading north with the second wave?"
Panne gave an awkward shrug, trying not to disturb Noire.
"I do not know," she said. "But I believe I heard Kellam mention Vaike having difficulty preparing for the trip."
"Of course Vaike couldn't get his shit organized in time," I sighed, shaking my head.
Noire gave a happy burble as she heard me, and I crossed to where Panne was sitting. She shifted, offering Noire to me, and I shook my head as I knelt down in front of them.
"Hey, sweetie," I said, tickling Noire's cheek with my finger. "Are you keeping Panne company?"
My daughter laughed and gripped at my hand, and I instantly felt some of the day's stress fall away. Panne shifted again, getting more comfortable with the child in her arms, and we stayed like that for a while.
"You are very lucky," she said eventually.
I glanced up at her. "One day, you'll have your own."
Panne nodded, smiling again.
"Not with you, though," she said plainly.
"The world does not need more of my crappy genetics," I scoffed.
"You are a good father," Panne stated. "And you were a good mate. But Gaius has asked me to marry him. Manspawn custom dictates you and I no longer mate."
"Gaius?" I asked. "Really?"
Panne nodded.
"I mean, I'm happy for you, but I didn't think the pair of you were that close," I went on.
"He is… odd," Panne said slowly. "Even for a manspawn. But he is the only one that makes me feel… like I belong. Truly belong. Even without my people."
She looked back up at me, that smile still on her face.
"The only one besides you, anyway," she added.
"I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you needed, Panne," I said softly. "I wish you and Gaius all the happiness in the world. You deserve it."
"Thank you, my friend," Panne said.
"You'll always have a home in Baham," I told her seriously. "Both of you. For as long as my line rules, the Taguel will be welcomed, and defended. I swear it."
Panne blinked a few times, clearly taken aback by this.
"I've been meaning to say that for a while now," I said with a grin. "Just… never found the right time."
Panne shook her head, blinking a little faster as she looked away.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"Think you could watch Noire for a little longer while I get cleaned up?" I asked her, stroking my daughter's hair.
"As long as you need," she nodded.
"Thanks," I sighed, smiling down at the girl. "Just keep your ears away from her. She's going through this phase-"
"Ohmygods! Ohmygods! Is this really… are we interrupting…"
I glanced over my shoulder at where Noire, Lucina and Cynthia were standing in the door, all three girls watching with wide eyes and shocked expressions. I looked down, realizing I was kneeling in front of Panne, in a very intimate-seeming scene.
"I'm not proposing," I deadpanned. "She's holding my kid."
"I am marrying Gaius," Panne added.
"Aw," Cynthia moaned.
Noire and Lucina both let out long breaths, and I rolled my eyes as I rose to my feet.
"Well… we do still get a wedding, though, right?" Cynthia asked.
"Technically?" I shrugged.
"Who are you?" Panne asked the younger princess, head quirking a little.
Cynthia's face fell, and Lucina and Noire both giggled. I just smirked and shook my head, turning back to the Taguel.
"You hanging around for dinner?" I asked Panne.
"If I am welcome," she nodded.
I smiled, genuinely smiled for what felt like the first time in months, then.
"Always," I promised her.
"You sure you two aren't getting married?" Noire asked, grinning.
I threw back my head and sighed as Cynthia burst into a fit of giggles, the mood well and truly ruined.
"You are definitely mine," I muttered.
About two weeks passed, after that little meeting.
Emm and Anna went north, picking up a platoon from Baham to act as their labor force and bodyguards, before moving into Regna Ferox. I hadn't heard anything from them yet, but it had only been a few weeks and I wasn't particularly worried.
The remainder of the Ylissean First had set out on the march the day before, under Virion's command, heading for the battlefields around Port Ferox. The Valmese were effectively stalled by the initial two waves, and this third wave, the bulk of the Regular forces that would be travelling to Valm anyway, would be more than enough to retake the city. From Ricken's reports, the only reason the first two waves hadn't retaken the city yet was because they were waiting for Yemuel's marines to arrive, to 'commandeer' the Valmese ships at the port.
The Shepherds, and representative forces from the two Knight Orders and the Ylissean Church, had gone with the First. Vaike was leading them, a terrifying thought if ever there was one, but I was resigned to letting this play out. If he failed, or fucked up in any way, I could petition to have him replaced by someone more competent. I was hoping he surprised me, though; as much as I didn't like him personally, I didn't need the pain in the ass that convincing Chrom to replace him would represent.
Much to my own frustration, I was stuck in Ylisstol playing politics. For the last two weeks I had been quietly meeting with the non-noble representatives from the various Ylissean territories, listening to their grievances and offering what I could to get them on-side for a vote in the Commons. No cash, of course, because that would be bribery; but damn near everything else under the sun was fine, apparently… It was maddening, and if not for the presence of my dog, I probably wouldn't have survived with my mind intact.
God, how I hated politics…
That particular day, I had been summoned to a meeting with Chrom and some dignitaries from Regna Ferox. Probably to explain why Port Ferox hadn't been retaken yet. So it was that I strode through the palace with Gaila at my side instead of Archer, the old dog busy 'guarding' baby Noire in my absence.
The former pirate had been an absolute godsend, if I were being honest. After the helmet situation had been solved, she had thrown herself into her new work with gusto, and I'd even had another desk brought up to my office for her to work at. A smaller desk than my own, of course, but one of her own. So far, she had proved adept at every single clerical task I'd set her, as well as liaising with merchants and suppliers in Anna's absence.
I was beginning to think I shouldn't have been so stringent about the hiring process where the former pirates were concerned, honestly.
Gaila looked around the entry hall to the palace with an appreciative whistle, following in my wake as the ever-present courtiers and servants split like a bow wave in my presence.
"Spiffy digs," she commented. "Why don't you have a place like this, Boss?"
"I have a fancy Keep up north in Baham," I told her over my shoulder. "But even that's too fancy for me. I like to keep it simple."
Gaila gave a little affirmative sound, going back to studying the opulent display of wealth and power all around us with her single eye. I hadn't asked yet about the mask, and she didn't seem to be in any hurry to talk about it; I didn't want to piss her off when she was proving so useful.
I had to resist the urge to smirk at her reaction to the palace; just because I'd seen it a thousand times now didn't mean other people weren't still impressed by it.
Gaila had changed into an odd little tunic and leggings combo which I assumed was just some Valmese outfit; it was similar to an old Greek chiton, actually, though obviously made from Ylissean textiles and somewhat shorter, being cut above the knees. Some days she still wore men's clothing, though, and others she replaced the leggings with stockings and garters in the popular Ylissean style. Given how shapely her legs were, and how short the tunic was, I found those particular days to be somewhat distracting.
As always, I got some odd looks as I practically charged through the hall, but ignored them as I made for the stairs. Chrom had specified that this meeting would be in his own study, which was in the Royal Apartments, rather than the meeting rooms off the main hall. Gaila followed, bounding up the stairs two at a time to keep up with me.
The fact that she hadn't complained about how fast I walk in the last two weeks really did a lot to endear her to me, honestly.
Everybody complained about my walking speed…
I opened the door to Chrom's study after a quick knock, being met by a pleasant surprise. Gaila slipped in behind me, gently closing the door.
"Emm? You're back?" I said, stepping inside.
The former Exalt looked up at me with a smile from where she was seated, across the desk from Chrom and next to-
"You son of a bitch!" Flavia exploded, leaping out of her seat next to Emm.
"Flavia!? What the fuck!?" I yelped, backing up against the door. "I didn't do anything!"
"Didn't do anything!?" she repeated, stalking across the room. "Are you kidding me!?"
Then, to my great surprise and further confusion, the reigning Khan grabbed me by the face and yanked me up to plant a firm kiss on either cheek, before yanking me into a bone-crushing hug. My arms flailed until Flavia finally moved back from me, grinning brightly.
"After everything you've done for my people, you think you 'haven't done anything'?" she asked. "You glorious bastard, you!"
"I am very confused," I said.
Flavia just laughed, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and dragging me to Chrom's desk, where he and Emm were watching with guilty smiles. Fortunately, she wasn't wearing her armor, so I wasn't being crushed against segmented plates of steel, but I was being crushed against the body of a fairly curvy, attractive older woman, which was distracting in its own way.
Frederick, who I hadn't noticed looming behind Chrom's shoulder until now, just frowned, and I could hear Gaila desperately trying to stifle her laughter behind me.
"You send troops to aid my people literally the second we say we need them," Flavia explained. "Then, you send food and shelter to the people that were kicked out of Port Ferox by those Valmese bastards. Now you send an entire army to retake the Port? You've done more for my people than even the Oaf and I have!"
"Buh?" I managed, before Flavia shoved me down into a chair.
"Hell, I'm even here to adopt you into my clan!" Flavia laughed, perching on the arm of my chair. "I want you as my blood-brother! You will be an official member of my clan, blood of our blood and bone of our bone; an Honorary Feroxi Tribesman and of the Ruling family to boot!"
My jaw dropped at this, and Chrom and Emm chuckled awkwardly. I looked up at them, eyes wide.
"Help," I said.
"The people of Regna Ferox are very grateful for the aid you offered them," Emm said with a wide smile.
"Grateful doesn't cover it!" Flavia insisted.
"Wait, I told you not to tell anyone!" I hissed at Emm.
"Don't get mad at her, I got her drunk and got the whole story out of her," Flavia laughed.
"Is this… a thing?" I asked, looking between the gathered faces. "Like… does this happen?"
"Sure, why not?" Flavia laughed, giving my shoulders another squeeze.
"This is… not what I was expecting to happen today," I admitted.
"It isn't uncommon," Chrom explained. "Regna Ferox has a culture of adoption in their clans. Being adopted by the head of the clan, and the Khan themselves, is a great honor. Although, usually it's between clans; it's never happened with an outsider before."
"But I haven't done anything!" I insisted.
"You really think that?" Flavia asked. "I don't think you know what is worthy of honor. Or…"
She leaned away from me, face becoming stormy.
"Or are you saying you're too good for a family of barbarians?" she asked dangerously. "What? Your blood too blue?"
"Oh, fuck off," I snorted. "I'm about as common as it gets."
"Then what's the problem?" Flavia asked. "Is it a family thing?"
"I haven't got any family," I sighed. "Not since I got to Ylisse."
"Well, it's not big deal," Flavia shrugged. "I adopt you, I adopt all of them, too."
"That's good news for my kid," I deadpanned.
"You have a kid!?" Flavia laughed. "I'm an aunt!"
"I…" I started, trailing off as I looked down.
"Hey," Flavia said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I know you've been alone since you got to Ylisse, and I know it won't be the same as your family back home in wherever, but by Feroxi law, you'd be my brother. My family. Your family would be mine and my family would be yours! We'd be as one clan!"
"You don't get it," I sighed. "I don't have any family. I…"
I looked to Emm, who frowned thoughtfully as she quirked her head.
"Oh, fuck it," I said. "Australia isn't another country, it's in another world altogether, and there's no way I know of to get back. And even if I could, I don't want to go back anymore. So, I won't ever see my family again, anyway."
There was a moment of silence in the room, before Emm spoke up.
"Wasn't that supposed to be a secret?" she asked.
Frederick's armor clanked as her shifted, the Knight and Chrom both turning to goggle at Emm.
"What, you believe him?" Chrom asked.
"I do," Emm said.
"Good enough for me. So, you're all alone, anyway?" Flavia said. "Even better! Be my brother, and you'll have family again."
"The whole 'I'm from another world' thing doesn't bother you?" I asked.
"It bothers me!" Chrom said, before Emm hushed him.
"Naw, what do I care where you're from?" Flavia shrugged.
"Wouldn't that be some kind of political conflict of interest?" I persisted.
"Perhaps a little," Emm shrugged. "But nothing you won't be able to work around. Your territory is already against the border anyway. As a Duke, though, you could be considered the head of your own clan, too, so this is similar to an alliance, rather than just a simple adoption. It could be very beneficial for Ylisse in the long-term."
"Is this… what you called me here for?" I asked Chrom.
"No, we actually wanted to discuss the situation in Regna Ferox, and the upcoming meeting of the House of Commons," Chrom said, blinking. "Are you… another world? Really? Is such a thing possible?"
"Apparently," I shrugged.
"How do you know?" he asked. "That you're from another world?"
"Aside from the distinct difference in level of technology?" I asked. "The continents are a different shape, and there's no magic in my world."
"I… wow," Chrom breathed. "No magic?"
"Milord, you cannot possibly believe this," Frederick growled.
"Ha! The gargoyle actually talks!" Gaila laughed. "I thought it was mute! Ya know, like them eunuchs?"
"Excuse me?" Frederick said slowly.
"No, I don't think I will," Gaila huffed. "In fact, I think you ought'a excuse yourself for talkin' down to milord."
"Do you have any idea who I am?" Frederick asked, his voice rising as his face went red.
"Don't know, don't care," Gaila shrugged. "You stand there questioning the only halfway decent nobleman I ever met, who ain't done nothing but help people the whole time I known him? Fuck you."
"Duke Baham, I suggest you tell your servant to mind her manners," Frederick said through clenched teeth.
"Personal assistant. Also, why?" I laughed. "This is the most fun I've had in weeks."
"Aw, did I upset the walkin' armor?" Gaila cooed. What's the matter you bloated old blue faced baboon? Ain't ya got the balls to address me yerself? Scared of a little girl?"
"I think I just fell in love," I muttered to Flavia.
The Khan snorted, hiding her grin by pretending to cough.
"Enough," Chrom said, frowning.
"Alright, alright," I sighed. "Reel it in, Gaila."
"But-" she started.
"Ah! Shut it," I shot over my shoulder at her.
"Right you are, Boss," she sighed.
"Another pirate?" Chrom asked, quirking a brow.
"Ex-pirate," I clarified. "Next time, you should be a little clearer if you want me to have specific hiring policies."
"As much fun as that was, we're getting distracted," Flavia said, looking down at me again. "You want into my clan or what?"
"Do I have to do anything?" I asked.
"You've already done more than enough," she said.
"No, I mean… what's the process here?" I asked, sighing.
"There's a little ceremony thing, and we need witnesses," Flavia grinned. "So, that's a yes?"
"Yeah, sure, fuck it, why not," I said.
Flavia laughed, grabbing me again and pressing my head to her breast in a tight hug.
"Welcome to the family, little brother!" she said excitedly.
"Just like that?" I asked, my voice muffled by her boobs.
"Well, usually I'd have to ask for permission from the head of the clan," Flavia said, still hugging me. "Which is me. Then, I'd have to petition the regional Khan. Which is also me. So, yeah, just like that."
"Great, I'm glad, can I have my head back now?" I deadpanned.
Flavia laughed again, releasing me. When I shifted away from her, she continued to lean heavily against my shoulder.
"In truth, I had to fight a duel with the Oaf to see which one of us would get to come down here and adopt you!" Flavia grinned. "He had a better claim, because Port Ferox is in his territory, but I'm still Khan Regnant, so I got to challenge him for the right."
"Are you kidding me?" I asked. "To adopt me?"
"It's quite the honor in Feroxi society," Emm explained with a chuckle.
"Ugh. I am very overwhelmed right now," I said, placing my head in my hands.
"Would you like to postpone the meeting until tomorrow?" Chrom asked.
"Yes please," I said.
"Milord, you cannot-" Frederick started.
"Ah, man, I am exhausted!" Flavia groaned, practically collapsing on my shoulder. "I just flew all the way here, and I had to jump right into this meeting… gods, I could use a break!"
"Of course, Khan Flavia," Chrom said, laughter tinging his voice. "I'll have some rooms prepared."
"Nah, I think I'd rather stay with my new brother, if it's all the same to you," Flavia grinned.
"Not like I don't have the space right now, since everyone's deployed," I huffed. "But you do know I live in a barracks, right?"
"Oh, good," Flavia sighed. "I'd go nuts surrounded by all the hoity-toity Ylissean noble junk. No offense, Chrom."
"You think the Palace is bad, you should see some of the other nobles' estates," Chrom sighed.
"Then it's settled!" Gaila said, clapping her hands. "Milord, your Khanliness, I'll go on ahead and set up a room. Nice meetin' ya, your Exaltiness."
She stopped, glaring at Frederick for a moment before flipping him the bird, then sweeping out of the room. This got a snorted laugh from Chrom and Flavia, and Emm just sighed.
"Khanliness, I like that," Flavia grinned.
"Where do you keep finding these people?" Chrom asked.
"They find me," I admitted with a shrug. "Sound familiar?"
"Birds of a feather, huh?" Chrom grinned. "Although you probably should have a word about her behaving in front of the other nobles."
"Yeah, yeah," I sighed, shrugging Flavia off me and standing. "Well, come on, then, 'sis', let's go get some eats."
The grin Flavia shot me as she jumped up belonged on someone half her age, and she was practically glued to me as we left the office. I turned back at the door, looking questioningly at Emm.
"I think I will have dinner here while I have the excuse, before I have Frederick escort me back," she said.
"Suit yourself," I shrugged. "You kids have fun. Be safe. And if you're not safe, name it after me."
This made Flavia burst into laughter as Chrom glared at me, and Emm just sighed and shook her head.
"How dare you even suggest something so vulgar!?" Frederick thundered.
"Whoop, pushed too hard," I laughed. "C'mon, sis, time to run!"
I grabbed Flavia by the arm, and we beat a hasty retreat, laughing all the way down to the main hall. Fortunately, Frederick stopped chasing us at the door to the study.
Flavia and I exchanged a grin as we stepped off the stairs.
We were now unsupervised.
It was a scary thought, but the possibilities were endless.
AN: I think I was supposed to post this at the start of November... Whoops. I really suck at this. I've started writing the dates on my whiteboard above my desk, so hopefully I don't forget again. And yes, I'm about to publish Dark's new chapter right after.
This chapter introduces us to another OC character. Yup. Another pirate. Because dammit I like pirates. And ninjas. I actually read Gaila's lines with a strong Irish accent, mostly because I discovered the comedian Aisling Bea at the same time as I started writing Gaila, but also because I think Irish accents are kinda hot. Also, TheRealOG said something about there being Irish pirates at some point, I dunno, I was too busy giggling about cute pirate waifus with sexy accents... Gaila's going to be a regular face, as she's Ben's new personal assistant, but I haven't decided if she's coming to Valm yet or not. If she does, it'll be in a non-combatant role.
And yes, this is the last OC for a good, long while. I promise. Or do I? *cue eerie music*
Huge thanks go out to my lovely editorial team MinuteRice and TheRealOG for their assistance making my chicken-scratch legible.
Thanks for reading, and Nagaspeed!