Chapter Seven
—=—
This was all his fault.
Anya glared at Damian through the car window as her family arrived to pick him up from school. It was odd seeing him out of his school uniform and it irritated her that he was also invading her weekends now. This wouldn't be happening if he hadn't altered his older brother's plans and Anya was feeling particularly murderous. Anya didn't like being manipulated and Damian was doing everything he could to bother her. She knew it wasn't out of malice, but it didn't change how she felt.
Damian opened the door to see her glowering at him and he sweat-dropped nervously. He hesitated to enter, immediately re-thinking this idea.
"Are you getting in?" Her papa asked from the driver's seat and Damian cleared his throat.
"Yep." He sounded dry.
Damian climbed in next to Demetrius, who sat in the middle, and Anya's pointed glare was cut off.
Anya didn't mind Demetrius coming. He was like her. He was created for the same purposes, the same abilities, and he operated on the same level of existence she did. He was the one person she didn't have to hide from. The one person she could be around without guilt and anxiety making her sick.
Since their conversation a couple days ago, she hadn't talked with him much, but she wanted to. She wanted that camaraderie so desperately, like they were the last of an endangered species that had to stick together.
But she didn't want Damian here. He just had to make everything harder.
He buckled himself in and they took off.
Unfortunately, the weather was fair and pleasant. Perfect for outings and if only it had been worse, they wouldn't be going out. Anya wouldn't have to deal with Damian's incessant attempts to befriend her. It didn't help that Damian saw through her enmity either, just making him more stubborn.
It was strange though, the tiny pull that appreciated his effort, hidden behind her fears and sense of morality that pulled a hundred times stronger.
Live the way you want.
Demetrius' words were not forgotten. She replayed the conversation over and over, but it didn't feel right to her. It didn't feel right to let them sway her. To change her mind about Damian or anyone else. The thought sat in her mind like an object wedged into a tight space, unbudging, anyway.
The children in the back didn't speak much. Anya's parents chatted with each other and tossed pieces of conversation back to them occasionally, but the kids were otherwise quiet.
Anya had nothing to say to anyone. She wanted to learn more about Demetrius but something had gone out of her. The bold way she used to approach people, the vibrant energy that had always been ready to pounce, was drained. Like she had a leak and couldn't gather the energy she needed, the willpower, and she was left again by the edge of the pit alone.
The boys silence stemmed from something entirely different, though. They felt closer than before. Damian and Demetrius didn't say much to one another, but she felt the gap closing between them. Damian was more comfortable around Demetrius. Relaxed. They were silent, but easily so. They didn't need many words, just each other's company.
Damian felt. . .more at ease than of late. The kidnapping and the mess with his father was still fresh in his mind, but he had found something new with Demetrius that had calmed him, somewhat.
Anya was jealous.
She turned to the window so she wouldn't have to look at either of them.
They drove for a good while, traveling outside the city, and the mood between the others was peacefully mild. The soft chatter of Anya's parents became background noise for the whole trip.
The first sign of their destination was seen a good distance before they arrived as the largest attraction rose high up in the air. The roller coaster had heights reaching over three times the Forger's apartment complex, maybe even more.
Her papa found a parking space when they got there and everyone exited the car.
An amusement park.
This was all Damian's fault.
If he hadn't asked Demetrius to invite the Forgers on their day out, this wouldn't be happening.
Her parents had thought it was a great idea.
Anya disagreed.
She shot another glare at Damian from the corner of her eye. He didn't face her, he looked up at the ferris wheel in the distance, but she knew he could feel it.
Anya's papa led them to the ticket booths, where her papa insisted he pay for Demetrius and Damian, and they continued into the park. They had come early. When the crowds hadn't quite flooded the park, the lines weren't too long, and Damian immediately grabbed his brother's sleeve once inside, pulling him in the direction that he pointed.
"Let's go on that!" Damian said excitedly and Demetrius let himself be pulled towards a ride that reminded Anya of a spider. At the end of each leg it split into three arms that held individual seats.
Anya's parents followed at a leisurely pace, Anya between them.
The park was enormous. Even at this distance, she heard the rumble and screams from the rollercoaster that could be seen from every location. The ferris wheel was tall too, but it didn't quite reach the tallest point of the roller coaster. And all around her were numerous paths, numerous rides that lifted into the air, that spun, swept back and forth, and went up and down. All around were people laughing, eating cotton candy, and the mechanical noises of rides in operation.
Demetrius and Damian joined the line for the spider ride and Anya halted before her parents did too.
"Anya? Is something wrong?" Her mama asked.
"Anya doesn't want to go."
"Are you scared? It's completely safe."
"No." Anya only said.
"You go. I'll stay with Anya." Her papa said and her mama joined the boys. Anya and her papa stepped to the side to watch behind the sturdy metal fence.
The refusal to join was compulsive at first. Anya just didn't want to ride. The others seemed to be enjoying themselves, but she wanted to go home. She didn't want to be here.
No. She didn't want to go home. She didn't know where she wanted to go. There was nowhere to go. All she knew was she that didn't want to be here. Or anywhere.
Everything she did, everywhere she went was a reminder. She wasn't supposed to be here. She didn't look at the ride with excitement or anticipation. She only saw what she wasn't supposed to have, something her father would have called a waste of time. A waste of her particular time. No. Not a waste. He would call it a hindrance. Unnatural, that she would partake in something not meant for her.
The ride, the park, it could have existed in another world for how alienated she felt from it. It was all right here, and yet interacting with it was as about as hard as trying to step through her dimensional plane that collided with this one. No one seemed to notice but her.
She shouldn't be here. She was barred from entering and she didn't understand the ease with which Demetrius seemed to travel between worlds.
It felt an impossible feat to Anya, how did he do that?
Demetrius found a seat along with her mama and Damian, and he was like a streak of reality. An abnormal sight of a resident from her world, being locked into his spot with safety gear by the operator.
How did he do that? How did he operate? How did he so easily do and go where he wanted to go? It felt as if someone she knew had suddenly appeared on television, so effortlessly acting like they were meant to be there.
She might have lingered on it longer if her attention wasn't pulled elsewhere, and as the man moved away from fastening Damian in place, the boy's sights swept up.
His eyes immediately locked onto her, and Anya stilled. They were unflinching and direct as if he saw into her world, as if it was easy. As if he saw her so easily and it was unnerving how his eyes could bore into her despite the perceived distance of magnitudinous proportions.
They stared at each other, and though Anya could've read his mind, she didn't want to. Seeing his gaze unsettled her enough, she had no intention of knowing what was behind it. But she didn't break it, neither did he, and she knew it anyway. He held it strong and she couldn't bring herself to look away. As if she should be careful of his intensity. As if it was a promise that he was going to break into her world. Or drag her into his.
And then she twitched and he smiled.
The machine was flicked on. The ride slowly turned as it gradually rose, picking up speed, and tilted this way and that. The passenger's chatter dissipated to laughter and thrilled screams as it went faster and faster. The whole of it spun one way and the arms holding the seats encapsulating the riders spun the other. It was dizzying just watching.
It went on for several minutes and a couple of people who ate beforehand vomited when they disembarked.
Damian jumped off looking invigorated. It appeared to be a relaxing ride for her mama, and Demetrius didn't appear to feel one way or the other about it. Anya and her papa joined them as they exited the ride and Damian was already looking for the next. "What about that?" Damian pointed to an array of circular booths a ways down. They were connected to a sectioned, moving floor that slanted up and down. It circled the centre as the booths spun and twisted. The group started walking in that direction and Demetrius planted a hand on Damian's head just as was about to bolt.
"If you run off without me and get kidnapped, that's on you." Demetrius said and Damian immediately paused, hesitating, before pulling the hand off.
"I'm not gonna get kidnapped." Damian said, not entirely convinced of that statement, but he wanted to believe it was true.
"You might. Or maybe you'll get lost and we'll never find you again."
"The ride's right there." Damian gestured with a palm. "I'm not going to get lost."
"Maybe not, but do you really want to be on your own if something bad happens?"
Damian gulped nervously and scoffed to cover it up. "You're being ridiculous." He said and sweat-dropped.
"Who knows. Maybe someone will steal you away and sell you off to Westalis."
"Yeah, ri—"
"Or maybe they'll use you for ransom. You are a Desmond."
"That's—"
"Or maybe they'll straight out kill you."
"Cu—
"Maybe someone's getting ready to snipe at you right now."
"Okay! I get it already! Geez!" Damian exclaimed and took hold of his brother's pant leg, peeking up and searching for them.
As they neared the ride, it begun to gear down, and Demetrius and Damian headed for the line.
"Don't you want to try it?" Her papa asked.
Anya had stopped again, watching the boys go ahead, and shook her head. Damian glanced back over his shoulder.
"We'll be there too, it'll be fun." Her mama tried and Anya shook her head. Her repeated refusal worried her parents further and her papa ran a hand over his jaw.
"Okay. You boys go ahead. We'll wait here." He said and they went.
"Why don't you want to go?" Her mama crouched as the boys found the end of the line. "Do you not feel well?"
Anya shrugged. A vague answer was best when she'd rather they left it alone.
Her mama stood and looked around. Her sight landed on a stand. "Let's go get some peanuts, hm?"
Holding both their hands, Anya shrugged as well as she could and looked at her feet that scuffed at the ground.
". . .Alright. . ." Her mama said and looked to her papa as if he could provide answers. He had none.
After her parent's attempts failed, they went to the fence that guarded the ride and watched the boys pick a booth. The lady came and settled the large, curved safety bar in place and it started up soon after. Anya and her parents waited for them to finish, meeting them as they exited a few minutes later.
For the next few rides, Anya deferred from joining and occasionally her parents took turns to take a ride. Damian often encouraged her to join and she declined. Demetrius had started giving her pointed looks whenever he left the Forgers to go on a ride with Damian. As if reminding her of their conversation a couple days ago.
He didn't need to.
She couldn't stop thinking about it.
Anya entirely disagreed with Demetrius' views, but she didn't like the way she felt. She didn't want to be like this all her life and she didn't want to leave her family. How did she do this? She couldn't keep this up without falling apart completely. It was already happening and she didn't know what to do. Demetrius acted like it was the simplest thing to ignore everything they were taught and she didn't know if she could do that. Too much had happened.
So how did Demetrius do that? How could he not worry, or feel he was doing something wrong just by breathing in a place he wasn't supposed to be?
If Anya hadn't heard how indifferent he was to everything, she might've thought he was doing something right. But it was because he truly didn't care. And Anya did. She couldn't live like him. She couldn't change her thinking just to match his.
But then, what did she do? She was constantly in and out of the pit and she could feel herself digging it even deeper. How deep would she go before she never came out again? She refused to leave her family or live how she was meant and it was shrivelling her up from the inside. It felt like she had closed and locked the only door she could escape through and thrown away the key.
But Demetrius had escaped.
Anya watched the swing ride as it slowed down and the eldest Desmond came in and out of view.
He had escaped. She wanted to, too. She hated feeling this way. She hated that everything in her life hurt her.
She wished she could not care like he did.
The operator waited 'til the swings were relatively still and began unbuckling the passengers. Demetrius casually rested a hand on Damian's head as they left the ride and kept careful notice of their surroundings. Anya watched him like he was some mythological creature she didn't know how to evolve into yet.
"Can we ride the train?" Damian referred to the scaled down locomotive that ran around most of the park and Anya barely registered it.
They strolled to their destination and the train Damian spoke of was a close model of a real train, but smaller and able to fit four people in each car. It was painted various colours, one designated for every section.
As they neared the line, Demetrius gave Anya another look loaded with unspoken meaning. She turned away.
He wanted her to get on. She didn't know why he was involving himself like this, but she liked it as much as she hated it.
She wanted his attention, his friendship, and she wanted him to leave her be. She didn't like the way she felt, but it was how she was supposed to feel wasn't it? She didn't know how to move forward and Demetrius' advice seemed so wrong.
Another locked door.
He was saying to get on. It felt so, so wrong. It was so, so hard. Just thinking about it was like attempting to swim up through an ocean of muck that crushed and weighed her down. It was easier to stay where she was. Where she belonged.
It felt so wrong.
They came to the line where Anya and her parents were supposed to split from the boys, but Demetrius held out his hand to her in silent invitation.
Anya stopped. Her parents stopped. She stared at the hand that reached out to her as if it was a tether between worlds.
She shouldn't. She shouldn't, she shouldn't. She didn't want to. She wanted to, she didn't. She couldn't.
Why was this so hard?
Demetrius flicked his fingers towards him, telling her to hurry up. As if it was already decided she would come.
She risked looking up at him and everything in his eyes told her this was a good idea.
She didn't believe him.
But it was Demetrius.
She wanted that hand. That hand that she could cling to without worry or anxiety. A hand that would feel okay to hold.
Anya thought she might cry. Why did it make her want to cry? Her chest was tight and she couldn't make a decision.
It felt so wrong.
"You comin'?" Demetrius said and she returned her gaze to his hand.
If she took his hand . . .would it make it easier? If she went with him, would it hurt less? She had never wanted solidarity from another esper so much in her life and he was offering his hand.
But her world. She would be stepping out of it. And into the next.
She didn't know that she could. The barrier seemed impossible to cross.
But his hand.
It was calloused and sinewy as if all he did every day was work with his hands. It looked so safe. Like everything might be better if she took it.
She wanted that hand.
And as she relinquished her parent's grip, they sparked with surprise as her fingers left theirs.
And took hold of Demetrius'.
Suddenly, she was in both worlds and she immediately grated in rejection. It was so wrong. It was so, so wrong. She shouldn't be here. She shouldn't be doing this. Her skin crawled and she nearly removed herself from Demetrius, but once he took hold, he didn't let go.
He gave another look. As if saying everything was fine. To not back out.
She didn't like this. But didn't argue.
She had Demetrius' hand and it connected her. As if Anya remained in her world and Demetrius had reached through both worlds to her.
She didn't like this. But she had Demetrius' hand and it wasn't quite as hard or unnatural when she was holding it.
They joined the end of the line.
Every second waiting was another second to rethink. To let go and wash herself of this unholy, slimy, crawling feeling that stuck to her and repulsed and agitated every nerve and brain cell.
It felt so wrong, it was so wrong. She shouldn't be doing this.
She didn't want to release Demetrius' hand.
It was so wrong. And being around Demetrius felt so right. It was like she had finally found somewhere safe. Somewhere comfortable and natural. Someplace where she should be. Someone that was like her. Someone she was supposed to be around. Like he'd come to keep her company in the pit and taken the shovel out of her hands. Like he'd come to hold her hand when no one else could so she wouldn't be alone.
This felt so wrong. And she didn't want to let go of Demetrius.
They reached the front and he gave tickets to the operator. Anya's parents did the same behind.
Demetrius led her and Damian through and Anya tensed. They were about to board and it was so, so wrong. She grasped at her coat with her free hand.
This was so wrong.
She should go. She should let go, she should let go and leave. She didn't like this. She should let go.
But Demetrius held tight and she doubted he would even notice if she tried.
He held tight.
He had her hand.
He held tight and he wouldn't let go. He held tight, he wouldn't let go, and it was better than if he hadn't. As if he was taking responsibility. As if he was saying it was fine.
She would've turned back if he hadn't.
This felt so wrong.
But she had Demetrius' hand.
Anya, Damian, and Demetrius took seats in the fifth car, and Anya's parents took the one behind them. The interior had two benches facing each other, each seating two. Demetrius and Anya sat in one, while Damian sat in the middle across from them.
After the operator came by to tightly lock all the doors closed, the train set off.
Wind whipped through any and every opening to gently brush across Anya's face and rustle her hair. It was mostly fresh, but hints of buttery popcorn and hot dogs occasionally filled her nose. She let it distract her from Damian who was looking at her again.
This was getting old.
He thought she was being weird again and was searching for something in her face to explain what just happened back there. She was confusing and trying to figure Anya out was starting to become an obsession. When he thought he finally understood something, there was always something else to confuse him even more. She made little sense to him and Anya didn't understand why he cared so much.
He wanted to be friends. That was probably why.
When Anya met his gaze, he didn't turn away like she expected and held it instead.
He'd been quite openly watching her lately. It was weird. And Anya didn't know how to take it. He didn't seem to care if she caught him, as if looking her in the eyes could give him deeper insight. He looked at her like he wanted to say something, like he wanted to do something, but he didn't know what. He wanted to be friends and though he'd manipulated her presence here, he had no idea how to advance that.
That was fine with Anya.
Damian flicked his eyes to Demetrius then to the window, staying that way for most of the ride.
The train rattled on for several minutes around the park, providing a view of most of the rides. Eventually, it circled back to the beginning and it squealed to a stop like a real train might.
Anya was glad for it to be over.
When they alighted from the locomotive, she still held onto Demetrius' hand. When her parents joined them off the ride, she still held his hand. When someone suggested the ferris wheel, she didn't want to ride again, but she still held his hand.
They came to the ferris wheel, and she didn't want to go. She began to sweat. That feeling crawled on her skin again. She didn't want to go.
But Demetrius' hand. It was like she'd been floating around in space, suffocating, when she found an oxygen tank. The tank was on a collision course with an asteroid and she couldn't stop it.
She needed that oxygen.
She needed that hand. And Demetrius would get on the ferris wheel. She didn't want to let go, she couldn't let go. After having it, she didn't know what she'd do without it.
They stepped into line and letting go was worse than not going.
Anya couldn't let go.
—-
"Careful. You'll fall and die."
Damian looked back at Demetrius from the edge he'd been peering over to the ground far below. "Why do you always think I'm going to die?"
"Because you're extremely breakable and you'll splatter like a bug on a windshield if you fall.
". . .There's a safety bar." Damian rattled it to emphasize. "I'm wasn't even looking over the bar. I'm looking over the side."
"Doesn't matter. You'd find a way."
"Tch." Damian said and turned away from him, but didn't do it again.
The view from the ferris wheel grew wider and wider as they neared the top, dwindling slowly as it descended again. This was the first ride Demetrius had suggested and Damian could see why. He saw beyond the park when they were near the top and it was all laid out before them like it was meant for really tiny people.
He glanced at Anya again on Demetrius' right.
He was surprised she was here to see this, too. She had avoided the rides all morning and suddenly decided to get on the train when Demetrius invited her. She hadn't let go of him since. Like she was afraid to and Damian wished he could ask why.
Considering they were both subjects he supposed a relationship between them made sense, though from Forger's behaviour, it seemed something more was going on. He guessed it connected with what happened at the lab and Demetrius knew something.
Because they were both subjects.
Subjects.
It was still weird that a description of Forger and Demetrius included that word. Whenever Damian thought he was acclimating, it washed over him again that this was actually real life.
He wondered if he would ever truly get used to the idea.
Again, he looked to Forger. He wondered if he would have ever gotten mixed up in this if he hadn't gone after her at the zoo. He wondered if he would have ever hung out with Demetrius like he was doing now.
Forger must have noticed his gaze because she turned and met it. She hadn't been shying from him in that regard and instead returned it with wary, subtle hostility. It didn't bother Damian like he thought it would. He knew she didn't actually hate him.
He wondered what was in her head. What she was thinking about. What had changed for her to act this way. How long it would take before he made some headway. He wondered how to talk to her. He'd never had to think about it before. Their interactions before were based mostly on their rivalry and the moments of camaraderie between their quips were natural. Almost unnoticed, they were so seamless.
But talking to her now felt near impossible. She had put up so many walls and he didn't have the climbing gear to scale them. He was jealous of Demetrius who didn't seem to have any trouble connecting with her.
When Forger broke from his gaze, he realized how intently he'd been staring at her. He turned away again to look out the side.
He had been taught it was rude to stare, but for some reason, the lesson couldn't seem to stick when it came to Forger.
Though it was the only form of communication he had. She didn't pay heed to anything else.
—
This had definitely been a big mistake.
Demetrius thought as he hefted Anya. How had he ended up carrying her? He'd only meant to help her out of the perpetual state of mental constipation she seemed to be in, and she'd clung to him like she'd never let go.
He had planned to, that's for sure. A couple rides holding her hand was fine. But after that? When he was about to go on another with Damian which required Anya to release him, she looked like she was about to cry and have a mental breakdown.
He sighed, irritated.
After they'd had a break for hotdogs, she was falling asleep on her feet and now here he was. Carrying her.
Demetrius was not fond of children. Damian was another thing, but his obligation to other subjects was just that. An obligation. It didn't feel right to turn away from them, it was purely moral. He had no particular care for them. Anya was no different. Sure, she was another esper and that created some unspoken, unbreakable ties, but. . .
His eyebrow twitched.
Involving himself had been a big mistake. Now she was attached to him and while he was good at cutting people off, he didn't know how he would dissolve Anya's need for his support or companionship.
What a pain.
The Forgers passed through the rotating bars as they left the park and Damian finished off his cotton candy, throwing the stick in the trash.
At least Damian had had fun, Demetrius thought. He didn't care that the Forgers had come, only that he and Damian had had time to hang out. They hadn't in the past and Demetrius found it. . .interesting. He hadn't really hung out with anyone before and it was a novel concept.
As they reached the car, Twilight unlocked it and Demetrius slid inside after Damian.
Before Demetrius had broken away from his father, he had often wondered what living was like. What being a teenager felt like. What many things felt like and now that he was on the outside, he found there was a lot more to experience than he realized.
Having a brother was one of them. Of course he knew he had a brother, but having a brother. He didn't know it could actually mean something. A. . . meaningful relationship.
Demetrius had always wanted to keep Damian safe, he'd always cared about him, but not until they'd begun to be brothers did he realize how much he'd wanted it. It felt akin to being in a frozen wasteland all his life, and suddenly finding a warm, tropical spot somehow protected from the raging snow and wind.
It was extremely strange and random, but he didn't mind it.
Mr. Forger started up the car, pulling out of the parking lot, and Demetrius let Anya slip to his lap. He slouched in the backseat.
He thought he could get used to having a brother.