Chapter 6

Joel went back to his house and slowly sank into his weathered couch. His mind was racing. After Sarah died, he had a couple years where he fell deep into alcoholism. Nights and days blurred together as long as he had a drink in his hand. He'd gone to bars and raves and countless AA meetings. He knew an unrepentant alcoholic when he saw one.

The way Ellie's face fell when Chuck asked her to grab him a beer. The fear in her face when she watched Joel speak to him. The expression on her face as she walked home, of a soldier going to war. Joel would bet every cent he had that Chuck was a violent drunk.

Blood roared in his ears. His hands tightened into fists. He'd used those hands to teach a few drunks a lesson, back in those dark days. He could do it again.

But what if he was wrong? Ellie didn't have any bruises as far as he could see, and she didn't move like she was hurting. If anything, she ran faster than most kids Joel saw. But maybe she had to run fast to escape her stepfather? She had been rather snarky to him earlier; would she do that if she was truly scared of him? But if she wasn't scared of him, why would her face fall when Chuck asked her to bring him a beer? Joel's head hurt.

"What am I doing?" He snapped to the empty room. "She ain't my kid, she's just my neighbor's kid. Her home life is none of my business."

Yet strangely enough, in the days that followed, Joel kept finding reasons to be outside after work. First, he had to tidy up the shed. Then he needed to oil the hinges on the doggy door he hadn't used in decades. Then the mailbox was leaning a little to the left. Then a little to the right. He kept at these unusually lengthy chores until after sunset, occasionally sending glances toward Ellie's dark house.

After four days with no sign of Ellie, Joel came upon a brilliant idea. When the sun was just dipping below the horizon, he raked the autumn leaves on his front yard into a big pile. Then he went inside.

It only took ten minutes.

"Cannon ball!" Joel walked outside to see an explosion of leaves around the girl who'd just destroyed his carefully constructed pile.

Joel leaned on his porch railing. "Fancy seeing you here."

Ellie's head popped up in the pile. Her head was covered in brilliant red leaves the same color as her hair. "I'm here for the leaves, not for you." She scowled. "You can go back inside."

"What's with the attitude?" Joel frowned. "What about 'Hey Joel, thanks for the food and the bike and stuff?'"

"Sorry I'm not drowning you in 'thank you's." Ellie snapped. She stood and yanked the leaves out of her hair. "Keep your leaf pile. I'm leaving."

"What-" Joel was at a loss for words as he followed her. "What is your problem?" He demanded.

Ellie whirled around to face him. Joel was startled by the anger in her eyes. "You talked to my stepdad!" She yelled. "I told you not to and you did anyways!"

"I just introduced myself and told him I gave you the bike." Joel argued. "I didn't say anything about anything else."

"Doesn't matter." Ellie cut him off. "I told you to leave my parents alone and you fucking didn't."

Joel felt a stab of worry. "Did he do something to you?" He took a few cautious steps toward Ellie. "Because I talked to him?"

Ellie glared at Joel. "You can tell me." He added, feeling a flicker of hope. Then she stepped forward and shoved him. Joel stumbled back.

"That's none of your fucking business!" She shouted. "And if you're going to be so butthurt about me not being thankful for you giving me shit, then don't fucking bother."

She was halfway through her lawn before Joel's shock churned into anger. "Ungrateful brat!" He yelled after her. "Don't you ask me for anything again!"

"Wasn't fucking planning on it!" Ellie yelled back as she slammed her front door. Joel did the same, and he was three steps into his house before he regretted his words. Losing his temper at a fourteen-year-old was something he would have done in his alcoholic stage. He should have been better than that.

But doggonit, the girl was trying his patience.

Joel threw himself onto his couch and sighed. This was for the best. Ellie was only going to make the hole in his chest worse. If she wanted to be left to her own devices, it would be foolish for him to try to change her mind. Never mind that the hole sometimes felt smaller when he was with her. Never mind that when she was chattering away about some inane topic, his crushing grief somehow felt bearable.

Just focus on the job. Spend time with Maria and Tommy. Get to know Bria. Keep going and maybe one day, he'd eke out a life worth living. Maybe.

He walked to his room and didn't look at the door next to his.