Happy Wednesday!

I'm so grateful for all your wonderful comments on the last chapter. I hope you know how much it means to me that you take the time to read and leave a review every week. You guys are my favorite.

I'm also grateful for Christine's help as my beta after all these years, and for Sofi's contributions. You two are the best team I could ask for.

This chapter's song is Put the Radio On (part 1, since there's another chapter for this same song!).

Enjoy!

You tell a lie, I'll tell one too
It makes it easier to do
Such a long time I've thought about you
It makes it easier to do

It was as if they hadn't stopped at all. They picked back up where they had left off, meeting for coffee, going for walks, texting throughout the day, making each other part of their lives like it was the most natural thing to do. Kurt was constantly smiling, like the expression was stuck on his face, and though Blaine felt just as giddy, there was something inside of him that sobered him, kept him grounded.

Every morning he got up, the alarm blaring to announce the start of a new day, and glanced briefly at Jack, still lying next to him, and wondered what would happen if they were both honest, wondered what would happen if Jack knew that Blaine knew, if he found out that Blaine had Kurt now – maybe not in the same way Jack had Eddie, but he did have him, this new person in his life who made his heart beat a bit more steadily, who made a bad day bearable, who gave him something to look forward to.

It saddened him, that they were no longer that for each other. When Blaine had stood at the altar, making his vows, he hadn't imagined everything would fizzle out so easily, only ten years later. Forever was supposed to be longer.

He kept the guilt at bay – if Jack showed no remorse, then he could do this, too. What Jack was doing was far worse, anyway, he told himself all the time, like he needed to reassure himself. What Blaine was doing was perfectly innocent, just a friendship, really, with the exception of a few kisses, here and there.

They didn't always kiss. They greeted each other with hugs, mostly, lingering ones that had Blaine hiding his face in the crook of Kurt's neck to take in the lovely scent of his skin, and Kurt wrapping him up so tightly, like he was trying to fuse them into one. Sometimes they would share a peck or two, something they did nearly without thinking when they were distracted, a quick goodbye before Kurt got in a cab or just the brush of lips on lips as they walked through the park, when they couldn't stop themselves.

They mostly held hands, and Blaine blushed just thinking about it, which was just silly, really, but it was so exhilarating, feeling Kurt's fingers threading through his own, his thumb swiping over Blaine's knuckles, the little squeeze he gave him whenever Blaine said something that charmed Kurt somehow. Sometimes Blaine sat, alone in his classroom before the kids arrived, staring at the palm of his hand, wondering if it had always felt this naked and empty, or if it was just that he had gotten used to Kurt holding it and now he wished… oh how he wished he could just feel Kurt reaching for it, all the time.

Blaine felt seen and cherished, and that was the most precious thing. They didn't need to do anything else, not really. After feeling like he didn't matter, not to his own husband, this felt like a small blessing, even if it sometimes felt like a sin in disguise.

Because not all of Blaine's thoughts were as innocent as hand holding.

If just kissing Kurt's lips felt like the world exploded and then simply built itself back together, making more sense than it ever did before, then what would it feel like, if Blaine was allowed to do more? What would it feel like if he could hold Kurt's hips, his thumbs digging in, leaving little marks? What would it feel like if he trailed his mouth down the column of his pale neck, marking a path towards his collarbone with the tip of his tongue? What would it feel like if he kept moving, down, down, down?

What would it feel like, if Kurt put his hands on him, no layers between them?

Just the thought was enough to have his skin burning, and Blaine tried to be careful, so, so careful, not to push for more, not to show that those thoughts even existed in his head.

But at night, his dreams showed him exactly what he was craving, what he wanted, and more than once he woke up on the verge of coming in his pajamas, sweat gathered on his temples, Kurt's name barely held back on his lips. Jack slept on, not noticing that, beside him, his husband was dreaming of someone else.

Maybe Jack was too busy dreaming about Eddie to realize Blaine was dreaming about Kurt.

How fucked up was their life?

The kids, at least, didn't notice anything was different. With the exception of one morning, while Blaine was making their breakfast, leaning on the counter as he waited to flip the pancakes, reading Kurt's good morning message, a smile spreading on his lips without him noticing, and Lena, from the kitchen table, said: "Why are you so happy, daddy?"

He put his phone down, flipped the pancakes, went to the table to kiss the top of her head, and replied: "I just am."

And if his kids saw him happy, then wasn't that all that truly mattered?

They didn't need to know that the reason for his happiness wasn't their papa.

The coffee spilled over the rim of the mug, making a mess on the counter and Kurt cursed under his breath. He put the pot back down on the coffee machine and grabbed a rag to clean up, without letting go of his phone, which he held tightly in his other hand, a message from Blaine opened, and the reason for his distraction.

"You're a million miles away," Ian said from the table, where he, too, had been a million miles away until he heard Kurt curse. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes," Kurt replied quickly. "Everything's fine."

"What's got you so distracted over there?" Ian asked curiously.

Guilt, dark as coffee, pooled for a moment in Kurt's belly. "Nothing. Just Rachel. She has new pictures of Camden. Do you want to see them?"

Ian did not hide how much he did not want to see them, which would have annoyed Kurt some other day, but filled him with relief this time. "No, thanks. I should get going anyway, long day ahead."

He began to pick up his things, downed the rest of his coffee quickly, put his empty bowl in the sink. Kurt put his phone in his pocket as Ian came towards him to place a kiss on his cheek.

"I'm afraid it's going to be another late night," Ian said apologetically, and at least he had started warning Kurt lately. It didn't make things better, but Kurt guessed that was all he could expect at this point. "Just one more week until we go to Frankfurt. When we come back, I promise I'll take a weekend off or something."

"Okay," Kurt said. He wasn't exactly enthusiastic about it, which made Ian frown, probably thinking he was upset.

"Kurt, you know I…" He started, but Kurt cut him off.

"Ian, I get it. It's fine. You love your job. It makes me happy that you do," he said. It was true, to a certain extent. He had spent a long time wishing Ian could love him just as much as he loved his job.

He wasn't sure he cared anymore. And maybe that was a little sad, but it was the truth.

Still, Ian didn't move. He had been in a hurry a couple of minutes ago, but now he just stood there, watching him, clearly feeling a little guilty.

Not enough to actually make time for him, though. That had been the problem all along.

"What are you going to do today?" He asked him, in a rather weak attempt to show interest in Kurt's life.

They weren't talking much, Kurt realized. They were both so lost in their own worlds, their disconnection more and more evident each day. Sometimes they sat together for breakfast or dinner, Ian already immersed in his computer or phone, answering emails and scheduling meetings, Kurt texting Blaine or any of his other friends, and they didn't even say a word to each other.

It wasn't the marriage Kurt had imagined when he said I do.

"Not much," Kurt replied casually. "I'll probably try to write, but then I have a few errands to run, and I'll hit the gym later."

Ian smiled in a clear attempt to be seductive and placed his hand on Kurt's arm. "You've been going to the gym a lot lately. You look really hot."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Stop trying to flirt. You've always been terrible at it."

Ian laughed, kissed his cheek, and left. The apartment was completely silent, with the exception of Petra meowing to get Kurt to pour her a second serving of breakfast.

This was his life. How had he not seen the cracks and the empty places before?

His phone buzzed and he got it out of his pocket to find another text from Blaine, who was letting him know his students were starting to arrive, so they would talk later. Kurt quickly wished him a good day.

There wasn't so much emptiness in Kurt's life, not anymore.

Cooper pushed the stroller lazily, looking a bit bored and like he wanted to climb in alongside Theo and fall asleep too. Blaine kept a tight grip on Lena's hand as he carried the bags with their purchases, trying to go through the mental list of the things he still needed to get.

"Can we just go get a cup of coffee first?" Cooper whined, and it was like having three kids at the moment. "We've been walking forever. My feet hurt."

"You offered to come along," Blaine replied. "Did you really think getting new shoes for the kids was going to be entertaining? Plus, you said you wanted to get out of your apartment because Brianna had that friend over…"

"Ugh, Marianne," Cooper said, like the name was poisonous. "She's the worst."

"Feel free to go home whenever you want," Blaine teased, smirking at him.

Cooper groaned. "Shut up. Okay, so what else do you need to get?"

"A new doll!" Lena exclaimed.

"Oh yeah? I don't remember that being on the list…" Blaine looked down at his daughter.

"You made me try a gazillion shoes, daddy," she said, glancing up at him with those big doe eyes of hers. "I deserve a prize."

"I made you try a gazillion shoes because you wouldn't say which ones were actually comfortable," Blaine said. He was tired. Maybe a cup of coffee wouldn't be such a bad idea, after all…

They stopped to look at a display of a kids' clothing store – that coat would look amazing on Lena, but Blaine didn't want to blow half his paycheck on it.

"So did Jack have to work today?" Cooper asked.

He sounded innocent, but Blaine knew it was anything but.

He glared momentarily at his brother before looking back at the coat like it held all the answers he needed. It didn't. It just looked pretty. "Yes, he had a surgery scheduled."

Cooper hummed. "And how are things? You know, in general."

"Everything's fine, Cooper," Blaine said pointedly, gesturing at the kids.

Cooper rolled his eyes. "Have you talked to Jack?"

"We talk every day, he's my husband," Blaine said, staring daggers at him, but Cooper wasn't having it.

He stepped a little closer and lowered his voice. "Blaine, you know what I'm talking about. Have you made a decision?"

"There's no decision to be made," Blaine replied firmly. He hadn't even told his brother about seeing Jack with Eddie. If he did, Cooper would march straight to the hospital to face his brother-in-law and that was honestly the last thing Blaine needed now. Things were already complicated enough.

Cooper looked around and his face lit up. "Hey Lena, look!" He said, pointing at a kiddie ride down the street. It was a small carousel. "Want to go for a spin?"

"Yes!" She said happily, and let go of Blaine's hand to grab her uncle's and skip down the street with him.

Blaine grabbed the stroller and followed them. When he reached them, Cooper was already sliding coins into the ride and Lena had climbed aboard a small white horse. She would soon be too big for those, Blaine realized with an air of melancholy.

The music started and the carousel began to slowly spin. Blaine took his phone out of his pocket and pointed the camera at Lena as his brother stood next to him again.

"Alright, Lena's distracted and Theo's asleep," he said, the cunning bastard. "Talk."

Blaine sighed heavily. "There isn't much to tell…" he said weakly. There was a lot to tell, he just wasn't sure it was a good idea to tell it to his brother.

Cooper nudged him. "If you don't talk to me, who are you going to talk to, Squirt?"

Blaine rolled his eyes at the nickname that he hadn't been able to get rid of over the years. "It's just… I know what you're going to say. But I can't do what you think I should do. It's not easy."

"Has Jack… you know, been suspiciously absent lately?" Cooper wanted to know.

"Yes," Blaine replied. There was no use in denying that.

"And he hasn't said anything at all?"

"No." God, he was going to tell him. He already knew that. He couldn't keep anything from Cooper, had never been able to. And even if he didn't tell him, soon his brother would be able to read it right on his face. "I saw them," he added at last. "Jack and Eddie."

"Shit," Cooper muttered. He placed his hand on Blaine's shoulder and squeezed. "That can't have been easy."

"It wasn't," Blaine admitted.

"And you didn't confront him right there and then?" Cooper was clearly shocked. "I would have gone crazy."

"I went crazy," Blaine shrugged. "But I didn't confront him."

The ride ended and since Lena looked disappointed, Blaine put more coins in the ride so she could have another go. Cooper was looking at him with narrowed eyes.

"What did you do?" He asked when Blaine stood beside him once more.

"I… called Kurt," Blaine whispered.

Cooper's stunned face morphed until he was grinning like the idiot he was. "Blainey…"

"Shush it," Blaine said.

"I'm so proud of you," Cooper said, and nudged him playfully. "You dog."

"Nothing happened," Blaine said. He spoke quietly, just in case. Even if Lena was distracted, it didn't mean he wanted to risk she would hear him. "Well, we just… we kissed. A few times. And a few more times since then."

He was blushing like a school girl and he knew it.

Cooper nudged him some more. "I'm so proud of you!" He said again.

"There's nothing to be proud of, Coop," Blaine said bitterly. "I mean… it felt so right and so good to just go to him, but… I don't like to think I'm doing something I shouldn't. It's not who I am. You know I've never hurt anyone, not intentionally. All of my break-ups have been so ridiculously amicable. I still get Christmas cards from Charlie."

"How's he doing, by the way?" Cooper asked.

"He's fine. He moved to Seattle with his husband and they had a baby last year," Blaine said absently.

"Don't look like you're the worst person in the world. You aren't, Blaine," Cooper said. "And when I say I'm proud of you, I don't meant that I think it's great you're going behind your husband's back – even though that jerk deserves it, let's be honest. I mean that I'm proud that you put yourself first for once. If you enjoy being with him, then that's that. Have fun. But don't forget that you still need to figure things out with Jack. You can't put it off forever."

"I just don't want to do anything that will hurt the kids," Blaine said, lowering his voice so much that it was a miracle Cooper heard him over the music coming from the kiddie ride.

"I know that," Cooper nodded. "You're a good dad, Blaine. But you're not just a dad. You deserve to look for your happiness, too."

"You're starting to sound like a broken record, you know," Blaine said, but he smiled gently up at him, grateful that Cooper was always in his corner, no matter what.

"And I'll keep sounding like a broken record for as long as it's necessary," Cooper squeezed his shoulder, and then the softness in his eyes disappeared. He looked mischievous again. "So. You kissed a few times, huh?"

"Oh god," Blaine covered his face with his hand, and was saved by Lena's ride coming to an end.

"One more time, daddy!" She exclaimed.

"Sorry, sweetie," Blaine said, grabbing her hand again and letting Cooper take the stroller once more. "Come on, we have to…"

He had just turned around to continue their little shopping trip when he collided against a man coming out of the store right behind them. He began to apologize, as the man did the same, but was immediately paralyzed when he realized it was Kurt.

Blaine's entire body seemed to become looser, and his heart started beating a little faster, just at the sight of him. His lips tingled, like they were remembering what it felt to have Kurt's pressed right against them…

"Blaine!" Kurt exclaimed, just as surprised, and then he seemed to realize he had made a mistake, because he looked at Cooper like a deer caught in the headlights.

This was about to be the most embarrassing moment of Blaine's life.

"Kurt, hi," he said softly. "I… it's nice to see you."

Cooper grinned like a child in a candy store. "Aren't you going to introduce me, little brother?"

Blaine hated him. "Yes, I…" He glanced at Kurt, hoping his eyes conveyed just how sorry he was in advance of whatever embarrassing thing Cooper said or did. "Kurt, this is my brother, Cooper. Cooper, this is Kurt."

Cooper extended his hand to him. "Such a pleasure to meet you, Kurt."

Kurt still looked like he wasn't sure what to say or do, and he glanced down to find that Lena was staring at him, too.

Blaine tugged a bit on his daughter's hand. "Lena, do you know who this is? This is Kurt Hummel."

She made a face like she was thinking really hard about something, and then smiled really wide. "The one from my books?"

"Yes, that's right!" Blaine said.

Kurt hesitated for a moment, glanced at Blaine as if checking if it was alright, and then kneeled in front of her. "Hi Lena. Your daddy told me you like my series about the Christmas elves…"

"It's my favorite!" She said, bouncing excitedly. "Thank you for signing them for me and Theo. I've been reading them every night. Can you write some more, please?"

It didn't take much to realize that Kurt was melting. He reached out and tugged gently on one of Lena's curls, which sprung back into place at once, making her giggle.

"I'll do my best," Kurt said with a little wink.

"And I'd introduce you to Theo, but he's out for now," Blaine said. His heart was doing something extremely weird, as he looked at Kurt interacting with Lena.

"They're both so precious, Blaine," Kurt said sweetly. "And Lena looks just like you. I don't know how you resist those eyes and those curls… she's gorgeous."

Lena beamed up at him, clearly enchanted with him. Blaine couldn't blame her.

Cooper was watching them like it was a tennis match, eyes jumping from one to the other, the same idiotic grin on his face. Blaine was never going to be able to live this down.

"I… I should go," Kurt said, clearly noticing how Cooper was looking at them. He lifted the bag he was carrying like it was the perfect excuse. "I was just getting some last minute things Ian needs for his trip, so…"

"Oh, sure, sure…" Blaine said. "I'll… see you soon, then."

"It was so nice to meet you, Lena, Cooper…" Kurt glanced at them, biting his lip. He looked at Blaine, eyes falling down to his mouth, like he was so tempted to kiss him, and god, Blaine knew what he was feeling. He looked particularly amazing today, too, like it was on purpose, just to torture Blaine.

"Bye, Kurt," Cooper said and winked at him. What a bastard.

"Remember the Christmas elves, Kurt!" Lena said, waving enthusiastically.

Kurt's eyes softened when he looked down at her. "I will."

Blaine watched him as he started walking in the opposite direction. Kurt glanced over his shoulder for a second, and gave him a quick smile, before he turned to cross the street.

"So that was Kurt," Cooper murmured, bringing him back. "Now I understand why you went absolutely insane."

Blaine shushed him. "Come on, let's go. We still need to buy a few pairs of socks. They keep disappearing in the dryer…"

He looked back once more, but Kurt was gone.

There was a tingly sensation in the pit of Blaine's stomach for the rest of the day.

"I am so sorry."

It was the first thing Kurt told him when he met him on Monday for coffee. He looked absolutely mortified as Blaine took a seat across from him at their usual table.

"Why are you sorry?" Blaine asked, frowning.

"About the other day," Kurt replied. "With your brother and the kids… I should have stopped myself before I reacted. I didn't mean to put you in a situation where you felt like you had to introduce me to them, especially your children, Blaine."

Blaine reached across the table and laid his hand on top of Kurt's. He smiled reassuringly at him. "Hey. It's fine. Don't worry."

"I feel like I crossed a line," Kurt said.

"You didn't. You didn't do anything inappropriate. I just introduced you to my family," Blaine said. He had freaked out a bit, too, but he told himself nothing bad had actually happened just because his daughter had interacted with the man he occasionally kissed.

"Are you sure?" Kurt's blue eyes were full of anguish.

Blaine lifted his hand and kissed his fingertips. "I'm sure," he said. He probably shouldn't have felt as calm as he did right then, but that was the effect Kurt had on him. Everything felt like it was where it was meant to be, not a single piece out of place. "Plus, Lena was so happy to meet you. She talked about your books all the way home. I had to read them to her as soon as we arrived. She was impressed that she got to meet her favorite author."

Kurt smiled at him. "Really? She's so adorable, Blaine. And Theo, too."

"Thanks," Blaine said. He brushed his thumb over Kurt's knuckles. "So how's everything?"

"Well, Ian's gone," Kurt shrugged. "I took him to the airport yesterday. He was so excited, almost like a child."

"I see," Blaine never knew what to say when Kurt talked about his husband. He could notice the bitterness growing more and more and more whenever Kurt mentioned Ian, though. It was clear that Kurt wasn't happy, hadn't been happy in a while.

"So, I was thinking," he said, and smiled again. He moved in his seat, and he was the excited one now. "Do you think you could go out on Friday night?"

"I guess I could ask Jack to stay with the kids. What did you have in mind?" Blaine asked.

"I want to go dancing," Kurt said. "It's been forever. I was thinking we could grab a bite to eat somewhere and then go to this new club my friend told me about. It's supposed to be really great."

The thought of dancing with Kurt, the crowd around them pressing them closer and closer, bodies glued together, in the semi-darkness, until it was so hot neither of them could take it, sent a thrill down Blaine's spine. Which probably should have told him it was a really, really bad idea.

"That sounds great," he said instead, because he wasn't the smartest when it came to Kurt. He just wanted to say yes to everything.

It didn't matter if it wasn't a good idea – he just couldn't get enough of Kurt.

On Friday morning, as they were sitting down for breakfast, the usual havoc of a weekday with children around them, Jack glanced up from his phone at Blaine, who was trying to get Theo to eat his oatmeal.

"Did you remember to pick up my suit at the dry cleaner's?"

Blaine, who was a little tired of being addressed only when it came to household chores, said: "It's in the closet, Jack. I picked it up on Wednesday."

"Oh, great, I wanted to wear that one tonight," Jack replied, as he took a sip of coffee.

"Tonight?" Blaine repeated. "I was hoping you could stay with the kids tonight. I'm going out with some friends from work."

There was a sour look on Jack's face. "Blaine, we have the fundraiser at the hospital. I told you about it weeks ago."

"Oh shit," Blaine muttered, and then quickly apologized to the kids. "I completely forgot."

"We can't miss it," Jack said. "I'm hoping to get promoted to head surgeon soon. I might be the best one in that hospital, but half of the promotions happen out of politics. I need to be there. We both need to be there."

"Right, right, I get it," Blaine said, with a sigh. He usually didn't mind going with Jack to his work events, but this time he had been really looking forward to seeing Kurt. "I'll try to get a babysitter for tonight then."

"It's been on the calendar for weeks," Jack retorted.

"Well, you could have reminded me a few days ago, at least," Blaine blurted out angrily. "I already take care of everything in this damn house, you can't ask me to remember the dates of every single work thing you have too. I'm your husband, not your secretary."

Jack's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Sorry," he said, clearly stunned by Blaine's attitude.

Blaine stood up. "Can you please finish feeding Theo? I still haven't showered. I'm going to be late."

"Sure," Jack said, eyes still on him. He grabbed the spoon and scooted closer to their son.

Blaine locked himself in the bathroom and texted Kurt to cancel their plans.

He arrived at work on an uncharacteristically foul mood.

Friday night arrived and Kurt was on the couch, watching a marathon of Real Housewives of Atlanta in his pajamas. He wasn't about to admit exactly how disappointed he was that Blaine had cancelled their plans. He had been looking forward to it all week, but he understood that Blaine had to go out with his husband.

It wasn't jealousy, what he felt, Kurt told himself. He had no right to be jealous. Jack was Blaine's husband and if he had an event at work, it clearly took priority over Kurt's desire to go dancing…

His phone vibrated with a message. He expected it to be Ian, who had been sending him pictures of the book fair all day long. He hadn't asked about Kurt's day once, but that wasn't something Kurt wanted to think about either.

He was surprised to see it was a message from Blaine, though. He opened it and his mouth went instantly dry at the picture he had sent him: Blaine was standing in front of a mirror, dressed in a suit that hugged his body in a way that left practically nothing to the imagination; his hair was styled perfectly, and he had added a little color to his otherwise black and white outfit with a green pocket square that made his eyes pop. He looked so good…

Wish I was going dancing with you, the text said.

Kurt's whole body seemed to be having a reaction to the picture and the caption.

He wondered if Blaine knew the effect he had on him, but he didn't think so. He didn't think Blaine knew how raw and intoxicating his sensuality was, and that only made him even more attractive. Irresistible. Kurt wanted to put his hands on him and touch him everywhere…

You look so dashing, he texted back. I can't take my eyes off of you, Blaine.

He opened the picture again. God, he hadn't felt like this in so long, like he was hungry for someone else…

His phone vibrated again with Blaine's response: Thank you. Not what I was planning on wearing tonight, but I'm glad you like it.

There was a flame licking at Kurt's insides. What had Blaine intended to wear tonight to go out with him?

He typed a response: We'll have to go out dancing some other time then.

It took a while for Blaine to reply this time, and it only said: I'd love that. He was probably busy or on his way to that stupid event, and god, thinking of Blaine looking that good and being out with his husband made Kurt's blood boil for a different reason now…

Okay, fine, he was a little jealous. But he still had no right to be.

It was a terrible night.

Blaine never had a particularly great time at those fundraisers, but tonight was spectacularly bad. Maybe because it all felt so fake, so plastic – the way Jack smiled, his hand pressed to the small of Blaine's back, and was that the most Jack had touched him in months? Just the tiny, innocent press of his hand to Blaine's lower back?

They sat at a table with some of Jack's colleagues and Blaine had to make small talk and pretend he didn't know his husband was cheating on him. What if Eddie worked at the hospital, too? What if these people knew him? What if Blaine went to the bathroom and ran into him? What was he going to say or do?

But, to be honest, Blaine didn't care that much about Eddie right now. He just couldn't help feeling like he was being used – it looked good for Jack, but especially for Jack's résumé, if they appeared to be a strong unit, the perfect little family.

Was that all he was now? Just a prop for his husband to look good in front of others?

When Jack put his hand on top of Blaine's on the table as he talked to the head of the neurological department, Blaine carefully slipped his hand away and put it on his own lap.

Jack glanced at him, a question in his eyes, but immediately returned to his conversation.

It was like that for the rest of the night and Blaine felt more and more uncomfortable with every touch, with every tiny kiss that Jack brushed against his cheek.

He felt so small. He felt like crap.

He tried to remember when everything had started to change. Had they been too busy with other things to notice their relationship grew cold? Or had they both stopped caring? Blaine didn't think he had stopped caring – maybe there had been too many distractions.

Jack didn't ask Blaine why he kept pulling away, not even when they made it back home. They paid the babysitter and went to check on their kids, but they didn't even look at each other as they did that. Jack simply took his suit off and slipped into bed without another word, and Blaine did the same, but he couldn't sleep. He stared at the ceiling – how many nights had he spent staring at the ceiling since he had found out about Eddie? – feeling like everything had happened too fast for him to do something, anything to salvage the situation.

And then he was invaded by something else, strong and undeniable: he missed Kurt. He had spent the entire night wishing he was somewhere else, with someone else, while his husband sat beside him like nothing was wrong.

Now he was in bed, his husband already asleep beside him, and he realized there was an overwhelming distance between them. He could reach out and touch him, but that didn't mean they became any closer…

He kicked the blankets off and slipped out of bed. He realized he couldn't stay there for another second. He closed the bedroom door behind himself quietly and made his way to the living room.

He was dialing Kurt's number before he even knew what he was doing.

Kurt picked up before the phone had even rang twice. "Blaine? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

It was late. He hadn't even realized how late it was. "Yes. Sorry. God, I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry, Kurt."

"No, no, hey," Kurt said. He sounded sleepy. There was a ruffling sound in the background, like he was sitting up in bed. "It's okay. I'm always happy when you call me, no matter the time."

Blaine's heart squeezed painfully in his chest. Kurt was happy he called. It was such a simple thing and yet it felt monumental right now… "I just needed to hear your voice, I guess."

The living room was dark. He hadn't even bothered turning on the light. He was sitting on an armchair by the window, and he could see the outline of the city, always bright, right outside. And he could hear Kurt's breathing in his ear, as if he was just next to him.

"Did you have a good time tonight?" Kurt asked tentatively.

Blaine laughed bitterly. "I did not," he admitted, and it felt good not to keep up pretenses with someone. To be real with someone. "I kind of spent the entire night wishing I could have just gone out with you instead."

"Me too," Kurt replied. There was a pause, like Kurt was trying to decide whether it was a good idea or not to ask Blaine more about the event, about Jack. Then he simply said: "Thanks for the pic, by the way. You looked amazing."

Jack hadn't complimented him at all when he saw him all dressed up. He had just grab the keys and asked if they could leave. He hadn't even glanced at him twice.

"I almost didn't send it," Blaine laughed self-consciously.

"Oh please, do send all the pictures you want," Kurt said. "It was the highlight of my night."

Blaine knew he was blushing, but it didn't matter. "Did you have a good night? What did you end up doing?"

"Nothing," Kurt said. "I just stayed in and thought of you…" He paused and then groaned. "God, that sounded like such a line, didn't it?"

Blaine chuckled lightly. "A bit, but… did you really think of me?"

"I did," Kurt admitted. "I can't stop, Blaine. It's like you've gotten under my skin."

Whatever traces of laughter died right there. The atmosphere seemed suddenly charged, the air around him thick. He closed his eyes. "Kurt…"

"I'm sorry," Kurt said at once. "I don't mean to say something I shouldn't or make you uncomfortable. I just…"

"It's fine," Blaine reassured him. "I… I like it. When you say those things. I think about you, too, Kurt. I just wanted to be with you. I wanted to dance with you tonight, to… to put my hands on you, to feel you move against me…"

Kurt's breathing sounded a bit ragged on the other end. "Blaine. God, don't say that. I feel like I'm already on the edge here…"

Blaine felt wild. Like every moment of passion, even moment of sexual tension he had lacked in the past few years finally snapped. "Tell me. Tell me why you're on the edge."

"Everything about you makes me feel like I'm constantly on fire," Kurt replied. "I haven't felt like this in years… I don't even know if I've ever felt like this, actually."

"Me too," Blaine said. He kept his eyes closed. All he wanted was to focus on the sound of Kurt's voice. It felt like he was all around him. "I don't know what it is about you, but you make me feel things I didn't even think were possible anymore."

"Blaine," Kurt said again, like the sound of his name grounded him. Or maybe set him free, Blaine wasn't sure. "I… I feel like we're about to cross a line here and I want to make sure we don't do anything that you…"

"Cross it," Blaine blurted out, before he could change his mind. "Cross the line, Kurt, and tell what that means."

Kurt's voice wavered. "I want to touch myself," he said weakly. "But mostly I want to touch you."

Blaine palmed himself over his pajama pants. He hadn't even realized he had gotten half-hard already, just from the sound of Kurt's voice. "Please," he begged. He wasn't sure what he was begging for, just that he wanted more.

A soft whine came on the other end. "Are you sure?" Kurt asked, with the little bit of self-control he still had left.

And Blaine should have probably been more responsible – his husband and his children were sleeping just down the hallway. Any of them could wake up at any moment. But there was such an emptiness inside of him, such a big and overwhelming feeling of desolation, that he couldn't stop himself. He was so tired of feeling like he was alone even when he was surrounded by people. He was so tired of feeling like his husband could look right through him – like he didn't matter anymore, like whatever Jack had found appealing about him had vanished with the years, like Blaine was no longer worth it because of it.

But here was Kurt – and Kurt wanted him. He so clearly wanted him, could hear it in the way his breathing had become heavy and slow, in the way his voice cracked with desire, in the way he looked at him when they were together. In the gentle way he touched him – and in the way his hands lingered, sometimes, like he couldn't get enough of Blaine, even when the touch was as innocent as hand-holding.

And Blaine wanted him right back, with a fire and a passion he thought had been forever extinguished. But maybe it had all been latent inside of him, asleep, waiting for the right person to revive it.

So Blaine chose to be bold. He told to allow himself to have this, even if it was wrong. He chose for the fire to burn.

"Touch yourself," he said, and Kurt moaned softly.

"Okay," Kurt said, breathily. "I… are you going to…?"

"Yes," Blaine said. He wasn't going to think, he was just going to go ahead and do what felt right. He lowered his pajama pants and underwear just enough to free his cock. He wrapped his fingers around himself, thumb swiping at the head. "God, I wish it was your hand," he muttered. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine what it would be like: Kurt's long, pale fingers around him, touching, exploring, pumping him, making him feel better than anyone had in a very, very long time.

"I wish I could be touching you, too," Kurt said. "I want everything with you, Blaine, I want to put my mouth on you everywhere."

It was Blaine who whined now. He kept his eyes closed, trying to picture it, trying to bring it to life, as if just doing that would be enough to make it come true. "Where? Tell me."

Kurt chuckled and it was the most sensuous sound Blaine had ever heard. "Everywhere, Blaine. I mean that. I'd start with your mouth, though, because I can't resist it. You don't know how hard it is not to kiss you all the time whenever we're together, I just want to push you against a wall and kiss you senseless…"

"I'd love that," Blaine said. He twisted his hand a bit and he moaned.

"And your neck," Kurt said, and how could he turn such a simple, every day word sound so dirty and forbidden? "I want to lick it and bite it and mark it. I want everyone to know I put my mouth on you and you liked it…" Blaine let out another choked sound. "And then I'd keep going down – your shoulders and your chest, and your nipples… are you sensitive there, Blaine?"

"Yes," Blaine managed to say.

"But mostly I want to lick down your hip bones," Kurt continued. "I know how sharp they are, how perfect they are, I've seen them at the gym and all I want is to press my hands into them, and lick down the path and just…"

"What?" Blaine prompted. He was arching into his own hand. He was so close already.

"I want to suck you off," Kurt said, and his voice cracked again, but this time it felt like he was a little embarrassed, like he wasn't sure if he was going too far, if what he was saying was welcomed…

"Your lips," Blaine whined. "They're so sinfully gorgeous, Kurt. They would look so good wrapped around me…"

"Shit, shit," Kurt groaned. "Yes, Blaine, please. I just want to feel you, I want to taste you, I want everything with you…"

"I want to taste you, too," Blaine said, licking his lips. "And I want you to fuck me so hard it's all I can feel the next day…"

There was a guttural sound and then a long, high moan, and Blaine didn't need to ask him to know Kurt was coming. He sped up his own hand – it had been so long since his last orgasm that it didn't take much effort for him to come as well. And the images Kurt had given him, the way he had ignited his imagination…

This had to be the most erotic moment in Blaine's life, and they hadn't even touched each other.

There was a stretch of silence broken only by their panting. Blaine's heart was beating wildly. There was come all over his fingers, and he wiped them carelessly on his pajama pants – he would throw them in the washing machine before heading back to bed.

He waited. He expected the guilt to set in eventually – he hadn't actually been with Kurt, but it was still cheating, wasn't it? He should have felt like shit, and yet he couldn't remember feeling this peaceful in a while. Maybe the guilt would be with him when he woke up the next morning and he hadn't just come his brains out.

"Blaine?"

Kurt's voice was soft, like a balm. Blaine realized he had opened his eyes and was now staring at the outline of New York outside the window. His name was, at the same time, said like it was something precious and unique, and like a question. Kurt was clearly checking if he was okay.

"I'm here," Blaine said quietly. "Are you alright?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing," Kurt replied, with a nervous little laugh.

"That was…" Blaine paused. How could he describe it? It was so intimate, despite the distance. And at the same time, it wasn't enough. Nowhere near enough. He wished he could have Kurt's arms wrapped around him now, so he wouldn't feel so alone in the aftermath. "Amazing," he sentenced, even though it wasn't the word he was looking for. "When can I see you? I need to see you."

He couldn't hide the desperation in his voice. He didn't want to. He was vulnerable when it came to Kurt, and yet he felt safe with him.

"Well, we were supposed to go to the gym together tomorrow morning. We can still do that…" Kurt suggested carefully.

Was it obvious that they both wanted more but, even after what had just happened, they didn't dare ask for it?

"Yes," Blaine said at once. He just wanted to see him. He didn't care how or where. "Tomorrow morning."

"I can't wait," Kurt whispered.

"Me neither," Blaine murmured.

They would have stayed up all night, just listening to the other breathe.

But the sooner they would go to bed, the sooner the morning would be there, and the sooner they'd see each other again.

And right now, that was all they wanted.

Shut all the blinds, hang a sign on the door
We can't stop this anymore
Let's make a world no one can touch
A world where there is only us

So. Yup.

That's all I have to say about this! :P

See you next Wednesday!

L.-