Moiraine will do anything for Lan and wants him to be happy. But to ensure his happiness, she has to make a heartbreaking decision.

On the next day, they rode in silence. Since Moiraine had started the fire for the night, Nynaeve hadn't been able to insult her – which was bugging her – yet she couldn't get over herself to tell the woman she did great. It had been Egwene who had told Moiraine how impressed she was by the fire. During their dinner, the young woman from the Two Rivers had asked a thousand questions about the White Tower, the Aes Sedai, and what it was to be a Novice. The Wisdom had snorted at her friend's curiosity but had listened to every word nonetheless. Moiraine had done her best to ignore the comments.

They had been riding for hours now, and Lan scouted the area – or maybe he just needed a moment to himself, away from the evil eyes and insults. Dragonmount was close, and Moiraine recognized her surroundings. Tar Valon was just around the corner. You are exiled from this tower. Siuan's words echoed in Moiraine's ears, and a stab of pain hit her heart. She couldn't enter the tower. She was still exiled. Nynaeve and Egwene would have to enter Tar Valon alone.

No, they won't be alone, Moiraine thought when her eyes fell on Lan, returning to them. Light burns me. He will hate me for making a decision about his life without him again. But it is necessary.

Since they had left Fal Dara, the Aes Sedai had thought about her future. Without Saidar, she was a burden to Lan. She couldn't fight anymore and couldn't heal him should he get hurt. And she saw the looks of Nynaeve, staring longing at Lan whenever he wasn't looking. Did he know how much this young woman loved him? No matter if he did or not, Moiraine was sure Nynaeve would make her move once she was out of the picture.

"The path is clear," Lan explained once he was back by their side. "We reach Tar Valon in an hour."

Moiraine's hands felt sweaty. Light, how was she supposed to do this? She couldn't do it in Tar Valon. Lan wouldn't accept any excuses from her once they had passed the gates. No, she needed to act now. "I need a break."

Confused, Lan furrowed his forehead. She never asked for a break. Usually, she was the last one getting out of the saddle. Well, there had been no doubt her clever Warder would see through her annunciation, but Moiraine needed time to think about the best way to tell him about her plan.

Nynaeve wasn't happy either about the break. If Moiraine wouldn't know it better, she said the Wisdom was eager to reach the White Tower. Or maybe it was just because she wanted to get rid of Moiraine. "Now you need a break? According to Lan, we reach Tar Valon within an hour. Can't you wait until then? I bet your sisters will be happy to offer you all the comfort you seek."

The woman of the Blue Ajah brought her horse to a halt and dismounted. "We've been riding for hours. I need to walk." Then she looked at the Wisdom with cold eyes. "Besides, I didn't know you were this eager to become a Novice, Wisdom."

Growling, the young woman from the Two Rivers dismounted her own horse, and Egwene followed her example. Nynaeve was angry that Moiraine had reminded her about her dislike of the White Tower.

But the Aes Sedai had no interest in continuing her argument with the Wisdom. Nervously, she tied the reins of her horse to the nearest tree, then walked deeper between the trees. She needed some distance from the two younger women. Light, she needed to think! There was no easy way of saying it, but she couldn't…

"What is it?"

Moiraine swirled around when she heard Lan's voice in her back. He had followed her, and his eyes moved warily over her. Blood and ashes! This man knew her too well!

"You never needed a break in the past. Whenever we were traveling, I had to be the one telling you to stop for a moment. So, what is going on?"

"I can't enter the White Tower." It was a weak excuse since he knew that, but Moiraine didn't know how else she should explain to him…

The furrow on Lan's forehead deepened. "I know. We will wait in front of the gates until the Amyrlin allows you to enter or at least agrees to see you. If she doesn't let you back in, we'll take a room in-"

"I won't enter Tar Valon."

Lan was silent for a moment, his thoughts clearly running. He tried to understand her decision but couldn't find anything. "May I ask why?"

"My sisters won't let me back into the Tower. I can't channel anymore. Whatever happened to me… they won't welcome me."

Silence. The uncrowned king of Malkier just stared at the Cairhien woman, trying to read between the lines – trying to see what he was missing.

"So, what's the plan? We part ways with Nynaeve and Egwene at the gates of Tar Valon? Do you really want to let them go on their own?"

Moiraine gulped. Light! Why was this so hard?! Her eyes searched the trees behind Lan, but they were alone. Nynaeve and Egwene must have stayed with the horses. Yet this didn't mean this conversation would become easier. Her head knew it was necessary, but her heart was screaming. She didn't want to say it. "No," she said in a pressed voice, and Lan seemed relieved for a moment. "They won't go alone. You will accompany them to the White Tower."

Lan furrowed his forehead. He would accompany them? But that was what he had suggested in the first place! "So, you want to stay outside of Tar Valon – alone – while I lead the girls to the White Tower and ask for the Amyrlin to resile your exile. What if I can't convince her today? Do you really want us to make camp outside of Tar Valon instead of renting a room?"

There was an apology written in Moiraine's eyes, and she did her best to fight the upcoming tears. Would Lan ever forgive her? Well, maybe he wouldn't be angry with her. Perhaps he would be glad to be finally free – free to find another Aes Sedai, free to find love.

Her Warder – knowing her way too well after so many years together – saw the sadness on her face, and his skin started to prickle uncomfortably. He didn't like this look. Warily, he took a step closer to his bondholder. "You will wait outside of Tar Valon. Right?"

Moiraine's fingers grabbed the fabric of her pants, holding on to it as if it would help her to focus – it didn't. And her eyes burned from the tears which wanted to break free.

"Moiraine." Lan's voice sounded threatening when he took another step. Why wasn't she saying anything? Why wasn't she soothing his worries by telling him she would stay put? What had she planned? "What do WE do next?" He emphasized the word 'we', leaving no room for what he thought about where his place was. Whatever she had planned, he would stay by her side.

The woman of the Blue Ajah couldn't hold back her tears anymore. Lan seemed to suspect something and didn't seem to like it. Maybe he won't be glad about my proposition. Silently, the tears rolled over her cheeks. Twenty years. For twenty years, they had hunted the Dragon Reborn together – had fought countless battles. But now… she couldn't use the One Power anymore. She couldn't unmask her bond with Lan. He deserved more than a broken woman by his side. He deserved a strong and powerful Aes Sedai, worthy of a king like him. Moiraine had no doubt Nynaeve would turn into a very powerful Aes Sedai one day.

"Moiraine." Worried, Lan closed the distance between them. He didn't like to see her cry. She rarely cried, and he wanted to pull her into his arms.

Of course, the Aes Sedai noticed Lan's approach and immediately took a few steps back. She couldn't allow him to touch her. Should he reach her… No, she needed to end this now – a clean cut was for the best. "You will bring the girls to the White Tower."

There was fear in Lan's eyes. Fear! He was afraid of what she would say next! As much as what she was about to do pained her, it was the only way. Maybe one day Lan would understand and forgive her. "You will tell the Amyrlin what has happened in Fal Dara and the Eye of the World, and then my sisters will find a way to free you… from my bond." She could barely say the last three words. Blood and ashes! Three little words but they hurt like a stab to the heart.

And Lan felt it, too, because he winced at her words. Light! In all those years, she had barely gotten a reaction out of this stoic man, not even when he was injured, and now he showed anger, and fear, and worry, and winced! Then he shook his head vehemently and closed the distance between them once more.

Again, the Cairhien woman moved backward, but this time, Lan was faster. His hands grabbed her waist, pulling her back to him while he continued to shake his head. "Don't do that."

"I-"

"Don't do that, Moiraine."

When she tried to break free, one of the Malkieri's arms sneaked around her waist while the other found the back of her head, pulling her head toward him until he could press his forehead against hers. "We're in this together. Remember? Your losses are mine and mine yours. Come with me to the White Tower. Let your sisters find a way to help you."

Moiraine shook her head. There was nothing to do about her condition. She was stilled – permanently. No one could undo that. Her sisters would never allow her to return to the White Tower.

"No one can help me. Our journey is over, Lan." She tried to push him off her, but it was like trying to move a mountain. This damn man didn't move an inch!

"I'm still your Warder." Lan's voice was trembling. He really didn't want that break to happen! And he knew she felt the same. Being her partner for so many years, he knew what she was trying to do there - why she pushed him away though it was clearly hurting her. At least, he hoped that was what she was doing. There couldn't be another explanation, right? "You can't just-"

"I'm no Aes Sedai anymore."

She needed to end this. The longer this lasted, the sooner Nynaeve and Egwene would come looking for them. And Moiraine didn't want them to see her cry.

"You'll always be my Aes Sedai – with or without Saidar. I chose you, Moiraine."

His words were so sweet and yet so painful. Moiraine cupped his face with blurry eyes. He had given her a solution without even knowing it.

"As your current Aes Sedai, I'll order you to bring the girls to the White Tower."

"Moiraine, don't!"

"You will get them there, then tell the Amyrlin about-"

"Please! Stop!" The uncrowned king of Malkier tried to pull her closer while wanting to cover her mouth at the same time – he would do anything as long as she would stop talking. He didn't want her to finish this sentence, but she managed to keep his hands away from her mouth.

"-about the events at Fal Dara and that my sisters shall find a way to free you from our bond. That is my last order for you, Lan Gaidin."

A frustrated yell escaped Lan's lips, and Moiraine winced. Lan didn't lose control over his emotions – not even when it was for a short moment. That wasn't like him.

With closed eyes, he held on to her. His thoughts were running, and he was obviously fighting to regain control over his emotions. "Don't do that." Light, his voice sounded pressed, yet she heard the pain in it. "Please, Moiraine."

Lan opened his eyes and looked at her with these big brown eyes, begging her silently to think about it again. When the Aes Sedai shook her head in denial, the Warder sank to one knee, grabbing her hands and pressing them against his lips.

"Tell me what I can do to change your mind."

Sobbing, Moiraine tried to free her hands. She didn't mean for him to kneel before her. Light! Why did he have to make this so much harder than it already was?!

The uncrowned king of Malkier kissed her fingers tenderly. "I'll do anything. Just tell me what I need to do so you let me stay by your side."

Again, the Cairhien woman shook her head. "You received my last order, Gaidin. From now on, we go separate ways."

Lan grimaced and lowered his head, her hands pressed against his forehead. He wasn't satisfied with her answer.

When Moiraine freed her hands this time, he didn't hold her back. Again, she cupped his face and pulled it back up to her until his sad eyes looked at her. Then she leaned down and pressed her lips against his forehead. There was one thing she still had to tell him. "Thank you for being my partner for the last twenty years, al'Lan Mandragoran, last Lord of the Seven Towers. I release you from your oath."

She allowed herself to kiss him one last time, then let go of him and brought some distance between them. If she stayed any longer that close to him…

The uncrowned king of Malkier punched the ground in anger, then got back to his feet. Unlike her, he wasn't crying, but his pain was visible on his face. "This is a mistake."

Moiraine wrapped her arms around herself like she needed to keep herself upright. "I won't change my mind. Obey as you have promised to do."

Angrily, Lan bowed before her, then stormed off. Moiraine held herself together until he disappeared behind the trees, then pressed her hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs while her legs gave in, and she sank to the ground. Her entire body vibrated from the suppressed sobs she held in while her tears rolled freely over her cheeks.

She had done it. She had set Lan free. As soon as her sisters would find a solution to break the bond, he could have a future with Nynaeve. He deserved to be happy.

But her heart was broken. By setting him free, Moiraine had lost the last person she loved with all her heart. Now, she was alone. The Aes Sedai felt like she had ripped out her heart, and Lan had taken it with him. Her Warder. Her partner. Her friend. Her home.

Lan stopped as soon as he was out of sight, then watched Moiraine from behind the tree. He saw how she pressed her delicate hand on her mouth to silence her sobs. When her legs gave in, and she sank to the ground, Lan's body reacted automatically, and he took a step toward her before he stopped himself.

His body was itching, fighting to go back to her – to wrap her in his arms. He didn't want to leave her. They were a team for twenty years. He had often imagined how their journey would come to an end – a Myrddraal beheading him, a group of Whitecloaks drowning him, the Black Ajah sending an arrow right through his heart. In his imagination, Lan had died many painful deaths, yet this was the most painful ending of all. Never had he imagined it would be Moiraine herself who let him go, sending him away to bond with another woman. Foolish woman! As if I could ever bond with anyone else than her!

But he couldn't return to her. He couldn't hug her or tell her everything would be all right. The woman of the Blue Ajah had given him an order, and as a Warder, Lan had to obey. He would bring Nynaeve and Egwene to the White Tower and talk to Siuan.

With a heavy heart, Lan pulled his gaze away from his crying bondholder. There was nothing he could do now. She had chosen her path, and now it was on him to tell the two young women about their change of plans.

The uncrowned king of Malkier forced his feet to carry him back to the horses – away from the person who held his heart, his soulmate.

The next chapter will be uploaded on Sunday.

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