And the family dinner continues. Anvaere can be very nasty, and Moiraine is struggling.
Moiraine pushed a piece of potato back and forth on her plate. She wasn't hungry. And she was pissed. Usually, she was good at keeping her calm Aes Sedai mask in place, but Anvaere… maybe it was because she was her sister that it was harder to keep her calm. Or perhaps it was because the day had been exhausting with the chase through Cairhien, the anxious ride back to Anvaere's house, getting Lan back… Light, it still felt weird to think that. Lan was back! He was with her and had found a way to get around her order, still being her Warder.
"Is the food not to your liking, my lady?" Eliza asked after watching Moiraine for several minutes. "Do you prefer something else?"
The Aes Sedai didn't hear her. She was lost in her thoughts, blending out everything around her.
Anvaere frowned at the old woman for addressing her as 'my lady' until she realized Eliza spoke to her sister. Confused, she watched the piece of potato moving from one side to the other.
"My lady?" Eliza was surprised when Moiraine didn't react and continued with her doing. Had she spoken too quietly?
The uncrowned king of Malkier placed his hand on his Aes Sedai's arm, pulling her out of her thoughts.
Frowning, Moiraine turned her head to Lan. What had caught his attention? Did he want to leave?
"Eliza asked if you want something else." Lan's voice was calm, and she felt his thumb caressing her skin. Blood and ashes! She hadn't paid attention since Lan and Eliza had started taking over the conversation.
Moiraine forced a smile on her lips when she looked at the old woman. "Forgive me, Eliza. The food is delicious. I'm just not hungry."
"You haven't eaten much in the morning. You need to eat something. Or don't you feel well?"
The emotions of Eliza changed quicker than Moiraine had ever seen with anyone else. In one moment, she was angry because the Aes Sedai didn't eat anything, then was worried about Moiraine being sick.
Lan felt Anvaere staring, but when he looked at her, he noticed she stared at his hand on Moiraine's arm, frowning. Quickly, he pulled back. He didn't want to start another argument. Whatever she was thinking about him, she didn't like him being close to her sister.
When Moiraine's sister realized Lan had caught her staring, she grabbed her glass of wine, leaned back in her chair, and took a sip while she studied Lan's face.
The uncrowned king of Malkier thought about saying something but then sighed and took a sip of his ale which Eliza had organized for him. No matter what he said, Anvaere would probably see it as an attack.
"I'll be all right, Eliza. It had been a long day," Moiraine assured, chuckling.
Eliza wasn't convinced. Frustrated, she turned to Lan. "You're her Warder, right? Can't you do something to make her eat? I mean, look at her! No one should be that thin!"
Lan exchanged a glance with his Aes Sedai, who dared him to agree with Eliza, then shook his head. "Maybe we could take some fruits upstairs?"
"She needs to eat properly!"
"Please?"
"What do you know about the Damodred family?"
Everyone froze at Anvaere's words. There was no doubt about who she had addressed. Moiraine glared at her sister while Lan wet his lips before calmly meeting Anvaere's icy glare. "The Damodred family held the Sun Throne of Cairhien for decades. King Laman was the last Damodred sitting on the throne until the Aiel killed him during the Aiel War."
Moiraine's sister waited for him to continue, then raised her eyebrow at him. "Is that all?"
"Maybe we could find something else to talk about?" Moiraine asked in a pressed voice, but her sister didn't take her eyes off Lan.
"There aren't many Damodreds left anymore. You are Anvaere Damodred, niece of the late King Laman, sister to Moiraine Damodred, who became a powerful Aes Sedai. You have another sister, Innloine, but she doesn't live here."
The older sister took another sip, obviously thinking about Lan's answer. Moiraine didn't like the look. "Anvaere-"
"Are you aware of what the name Damodred means out there? – Especially in Cairhien? What the people will do to Moiraine when they find out who she is?"
"No one will harm her." Lan finally realized what Anvaere was doing there. Calmly, he mimicked her pose and leaned back in his chair, showing her he wasn't scared about her questions – and he was certain there would be more. "Not while I'm by her side."
"Enough with these questions!"
"Did you know she was our uncle's favorite girl?"
Moiraine's eyes widened, and her grip around the fork tightened until the metal was pressed hard into her palm. What was Anvaere doing?!
Lan didn't answer the question, waiting for his questioner to continue. "She was the cleverest of us all. Innloine and I didn't have her potential. We didn't like to read. We didn't try to understand politics. Nothing we did was good enough for the king. But Moiraine… well, apart from our half-brother Taringail who was as cruel as our uncle, Moiraine was his favorite."
"That's enough," the Aes Sedai breathed, not able to hold back her anger. Why was Anvaere rolling up the past?
Her sister didn't even bother to look at her. Her and Lan's eyes were still locked. Apparently, she didn't want to miss even the slightest reaction from the Warder.
"Our Moiraine was a fast learner. You rarely had to show her something twice, and our uncle prepared her for taking the Sun Throne once he was gone since Taringail was already promised to the Queen of Andor. And when he found out she could channel the One Power…." Anvaere smiled sourly. "He was thrilled at the thought of having his own personal Aes Sedai – a woman he could use to infiltrate the powerful Aes Sedai and who would protect his disgusting doings – so he sent her to Tar Valon."
"Shut up, Anvaere!"
Finally, the older woman pulled her gaze away from Lan and looked at her sister. "You were his puppet, playing by his rules, trying to please him."
The uncrowned king of Malkier placed his hand on the arm of the woman beside him. She was trembling by now, shooting daggers at her sister through her eyes. "I know who Moiraine is, my lady. What you describe has happened in the past, many, many years ago. King Laman is dead, the Sun Throne has been taken over by the family Riatin, and you all have escaped the Sun Palace. Let the past rest, my lady."
Anvaere pressed her lips into a thin line, and her eyes narrowed at Lan. She wasn't done with him yet. "If you-? "
Before Moiraine's sister could finish her question, the anxious neighing of horses was heard from outside. Both she and Eliza tilted their heads in surprise. "That is odd." Without saying another word, the older Damodred stood up and left the room.
"Excuse us," Eliza said and followed Anvaere's example. "We better check on the horses."
Moiraine didn't move. She was furious with her sister, and the anger rolled through her body.
Lan waited until both Anvaere and Eliza had left the room before he turned to his bondholder and grabbed the fork she was still pressing into her palm. "Let go." His voice was gentle. "Moiraine, let go."
She couldn't. She was still trembling, and holding onto this fork – feeling the pain – was the only thing that kept her from screaming.
"Look at me."
Why had Anvaere started to talk about the past? Why did she tell Lan all those horrible things about her being Laman's favorite?
"Moiraine."
The Aes Sedai winced when her Warder cupped her cheek tenderly and pulled her face to him. She almost broke into tears when she saw the pure love in his beautiful brown eyes. Why wasn't he disgusted?
"Let go of the fork, please."
Finally, she opened her hand. Lan sighed, then let go of her cheek, and she almost begged him to put his hand back where it had been. But her Warder placed the fork aside before moving his thumb gently over her palm to check on the damage she had created.
Moiraine flinched and tried to free her hand, but Lan's grip on her arm was firm. Worried, he looked at her.
"It's just me."
"Let go of me." Her voice was barely audible. Light, she wanted to get out of there! There was no way she would wait for her sister to return and listen to more stories about her cruel former personality!
"Moiraine, please," Lan begged.
"Let go of me, Lan!"
As silent as she had been a moment ago, now she was the complete opposite. A part of her felt guilty for yelling at Lan, knowing he just wanted to help her, but she couldn't stay in this room any longer.
Luckily, the uncrowned king of Malkier let go of her immediately. As soon as she was free, the Cairhien woman pushed back her chair and rushed out of the room.
She slammed the door to her room close behind her, not caring if Anvaere would be displeased about it. Anvaere! They always had argued with each other, even when they had been children in the Sun Palace. They had never gone along for some reason. But Moiraine hadn't thought this would continue when they were older. And she hadn't imagined her sister would be THAT mean! What was her reason for making her little sister look like a sociopath? Did she hope Lan would kill Moiraine once he heard about her childhood?
Anxiously, she walked up and down when the door opened, and Lan entered the room. Unlike her, he closed the door without making a sound.
"I hate her!"
Lan took a few steps into the room, then crossed his arms and watched her silently running. He knew her way too well to stop her now. Right now, she didn't need him to answer - she needed him to listen.
"Why does she always have to be like this?!" Moiraine turned around and stormed to the other side of the room. "What have I done to her that she hates me that much?!" Turning in the other direction. "I know this is HER house, and I'm just a guest here, but this doesn't mean she has to be such a… terrible person! Why did she even allow me to stay in the first place when she hates me that much?! It makes no sense!"
Slowly – very slowly – she reduced her speed, though she didn't notice. But Lan knew she was still far from being ready to listen to him. There was more she needed to say.
"Since I arrived here, I did my best to ignore her sharp comments! I stayed calm! I didn't respond with a sharp comment of my own! I helped in the house as she had demanded, yet she can't stop insulting me! What else do I have to do to make her stop?! If she doesn't want me around her, she should tell me straight to the face!"
The Aes Sedai was running out of energy. She had barely eaten anything today, then the incident in Cairhien with the Whitecloaks… Light, she was exhausted!
Lan saw the exhaustion in the way her shoulders lowered. Her eyes seemed empty, and she fidgeted with her fingers nervously.
"Your sister cares about you and wants to protect you."
Moiraine released a sarcastic laugh. "My sister doesn't care about me." Lan's calm voice helped her to lower her voice to her usual volume. "She hates me with all her heart."
"She wanted to test if I would stay by your side when I knew about your heritage and past. She wanted to see how deep my loyalty goes, and if I'll run for my life when I hear it could get dangerous."
"She wanted to make me look bad. That's the only reason."
"It's her way of caring. She shot an arrow at me to scare me off."
The woman of the Blue Ajah froze on the spot – she had just taken another turn – then glared at him. "Don't remind me," she growled and continued her path.
She walked in silence while her steps brought her to the other side. When she turned again, Lan stepped forward. His arm blocked her way, his hands grabbing her hips to turn her to him.
Moiraine stumbled against his chest and grabbed his tunic to steady herself. "What-?!"
Lan cupped her cheek with his hand, then leaned his forehead against hers. "I know you." There was doubt and panic in Moiraine's eyes. This strong woman was terrified her sister had scared off her Warder!
"Oh, silly one," he chuckled, smiling at her lovingly. "Nothing changed for me. You may have never told me in detail about your childhood in the Sun Palace, but nothing your sister said means anything to me. You are not a cruel person. You are not your uncle, Moiraine. You are an Aes Sedai of the Blue Ajah who got a new life when she reached the White Tower all those years ago."
Her eyes were burning, and she bit her lip. She couldn't say anything. If she had opened her mouth, only sobs would have come out.
"Do you think a noble Damodred would've become friends with a fisher's daughter? Let alone her lover? Do you think I would have agreed to become the Warder of a cruel and manipulative Damodred?"
Finally, the first tears rolled over Moiraine's cheeks. Lan's words healed what Anvaere's had damaged.
Smiling, Lan cupped her face with both hands. "I love you," he whispered, then pressed a kiss as light as a feather on her lips.
The Cairhien woman wanted to pull him closer, but the Malkieri leaned backward. "Come here." Gently, he wrapped his arms around her, placing her head in the crook of his neck.
Her personal safety bubble. As long as Lan held her in his arms, she was safe and loved. The silent tears continued to run over her cheeks, though no sound crossed her lips. Yet, her entire body shook under the suppressed sobs.
Lan waited patiently until she calmed down and her body wasn't trembling anymore, his hands rubbing soothing circles incessantly on her back or stroking her hair sometimes. He even pressed a kiss on her hair a few times. It felt good, but they couldn't stand there forever.
Luckily, Lan knew her so well that he noticed the change in her body when she wanted to step back, and he released her.
Moiraine's cheeks were wet from all the tears, so she used the sleeve of her robe to dry them. In the meantime, Lan pretended not to see the tears and asked, "How about that? I prepare the bathtub for you, and while you enjoy the warm water, I'll go downstairs and-"
"What do you want downstairs?!" The question came out harsher than she had meant it to be, but she didn't want him to go downstairs – she didn't trust Anvaere.
When Lan raised his eyebrow questioningly, Moiraine realized she had interrupted him. He probably would have given her an explanation, but her anger had let her act on impulse. Her cheeks burned in embarrassment, and she lowered her head.
"I want to ask Eliza for some fruits. You barely ate anything from your plate. And I need to apologize to your sister for leaving without an explanation and without returning the plates to the kitchen."
"Anvaere won't accept any apology coming from you, and you know it."
"She is still the lady of this house, and we owe her our respect – especially while she lets us stay here."
Moiraine snorted but didn't correct him.
Lan kept his promise. He filled the bathtub with hot water, sprinkled some herbs into it for the smell, then left Moiraine's side to go downstairs – though he made her promise not to do something stupid.
Once the uncrowned king of Malkier had left the room, the Cairhien woman undressed and slipped into the hot water. A relieved sigh crossed her lips. Light, she had needed that! Her head fell back against the edge of the bathtub, and she closed her eyes.
Smiling, she remembered the last time she had enjoyed a bath with Lan. It had been in the Two Rivers on the day they arrived there. Their clothes had been soaked because of the rain, and Moiraine had refused to use the One Power, scared to pull the attention of the Shadowspawn to their location. Luckily for them, Egwene's mother had pitied them and organized a hot bath. Moiraine remembered how relieved she had been at the sight of the wooden tub.
Of course, Lan had joined her – it wasn't the first time they had shared a bath – and she had been surprised when he had actually complained about the water not being warm enough. Usually, the stoic man didn't blink when he had to wash himself in a freezing cold pond. Well, maybe it had been because of the rain, which had been the reason for them being soaked to their bones.
And because it had been Lan who had asked for more heat, she hadn't been able to deny it. This damn man knew she would do anything for him. Heating up the water with Saidar was a simple…
Moiraine froze and looked at her hands. Saidar. Back in the Two Rivers, she still had been able to touch the One Power. Back then, she had been a powerful Aes Sedai. But now?
Carefully, she placed a hand on the water's surface, then let it sink deeper. All her senses reached for the One Power, trying to grab… something. But there was nothing. Oh, she knew Saidar was there but no longer at her disposal.
A single tear ran down the Aes Sedai's cheek, and Moiraine pulled her legs up to her chest, so she could lean her forehead against them. Stilled. Whatever the Dark One had done to her, she would never touch the One Power ever again. She would never feel Lan again.
Suddenly, there was a hand on the back of her head, followed by a kiss on her hair. Moiraine winced, then knew who it was. Lan had returned, and somehow, she hadn't heard him. "You're back?"
"Hmm," Lan hummed. "Your sister didn't want to hear my apology. She glared at me and left the room. Eliza told me not to take it personally."
"Eliza likes you."
Moiraine's Warder chuckled, then pressed another kiss on her hair. "I'm afraid she is a little too old for me."
The cheeks of the Cairhien woman started to burn again. Blood and ashes! She didn't mean for him to… "That's not what I meant."
Laughing, Lan leaned back. He enjoyed making her blush. A sudden glow appeared in Lan's eyes, and he nodded at the bathtub. "Do you think there is enough space left for me to join you?"
Moiraine took in the bathtub. It wasn't big, but she could make some space for her Warder. When she nodded, agreeing, Lan started to undress.
The next chapter will be uploaded on Wednesday.
I would appreciate it if you could take a moment to leave a review.