1941

Dylan waited for the nurses to come out of the hospital and then saw her, among the others, she was holding on to a cream-colored trench coat. The long black hair was lifted by a slight wind. Skinny legs, high heels. Brenda laughed along with the others. Dylan followed her with his gaze. He liked to observe her. He would have looked at her for hours.

"Brenda!" Dylan yelled across the street. All the girls turned around and spotted that pretty handsome guy who was looking in their direction.

Brenda's eyes lit up as the others chuckled and walked away quickly.

Brenda crossed the road shiny with rain.

"Number 187," Brenda said.

He smiled.

"Dylan," he specified.

He pulled out his hand and squeezed Brenda's.

Suddenly Dylan seemed intimidated, all afternoon he had thought of waiting for her but now that he had Brenda in front of him he didn't know exactly what to say to her. He didn't want to look stupid, he didn't want to go wrong. This was a girl he really didn't want to go wrong with and he didn't know why either.

"I wanted to thank you for what you did today," he said, looking down.

Brenda's gaze instead was always straight in front of him.

"I didn't do anything special, and anyway you told me that you're a good pilot and we can't lose good pilot."

Dylan looked at a distant spot, the girls who were with Brenda were waiting for her at the corner of the street.

He looked back at her.

"I was wondering," he said, "if you want to go eat something together," he stopped for a moment, "I mean... if it's not inappropriate for you"-

Brenda lit up. That tenderness mixed with a sudden shyness made that boy even more charming and then something had happened the moment he called her Brenda, something had happened inside her. That afternoon everything had changed inside her, she couldn't take her eyes off him.

"No, it's not inappropriate and anyway I saw your butt today, what could be more inappropriate ." Dylan laughed. It was true, they had no more secrets.

Brenda turned to her friends "wait a minute, I'll tell them they can go home"

Dylan opened in a bright smile "Okay"

He followed Brenda with his gaze, saw her cross the street shiny with rain, avoid a few cars, talk to the girls who exchanged a mischievous look with her.

Brenda came back quickly "let's go" she told him.

And so they began to walk the streets of New York, one day in February their two alone.

They had no definite goal other but to be together.

Dylan opened his eyes Jamie was in front of him.

Antonia behind him.

"It's like she and I are chasing each other in different lives. Is this possible?"

Jamie nods "it's possible, your spirit is calm now, I can feel it"

"Because I'm with her," Dylan replied.

XX

Brandon arrived in Boston. The Boston Globe had provided him with a small apartment in the city center. Brandon really needed to stay away from Beverly Hills and Kelly. The trip had helped him in this to detach his thoughts. It had been a journey in stages, following a straight line, a way out. It had never happened to him to feel so defenseless. He wasn't used to his emotionality.

He lied to himself, he told himself another truth, which he didn't miss her but the truth was that he missed her every single day.

Brandon immediately went to the Boston Globe to introduce himself to the editor-in-chief. The sparkling air of Boston catapulted him into a parallel reality where he managed to build a new armor.

Ms. Nicole Drummond was an institution of the Boston Globe. He had had the interviews with her and unexpectedly called him after the great rejection he had reserved for the Chigago Chronical for the wrong reasons.

He had no more news of Kelly, he only knew that she was in New York with Colin Robbins and it was enough for him not to want to know more. The story was over. Finished because of whom? He had no answers.

There were millions of women in the world, even less problematic than Kelly, surely at the right time he would have found the right one for him. One that didn't make him vulnerable.

For example, at the time another woman, Nicole Drummond, had saved him without knowing it.

She was a woman in her 50s. She wore a lavender suit, and glasses with a black frame. The look was quite stern, the hair pulled up. A woman of steel, so they had told Brandon.

He exchanged a few words of presentation with her, the time was that Brandon had absolutely no time, he could be called day and night and since he enjoyed a scholarship he had no free time but after all Brandon did not want time off. He knew only one way to escape reality, to work. Work, don't think. Don't love.

He was assigned a desk and a supervisor, a guy named Tim.

"Walsh I have the first job for you... There's a fire at the public library," he told him, Tim quickly wrote the address on a note "this is the address, take a taxi, the piece must be ready by five this afternoon."

Brandon grabbed the note and smiled "by five he'll be ready"

It was so exciting, he had the demonstration that it was really what he wanted to do in life. He slipped out into Boston traffic and at that moment realized how much he wanted to phone his sister or Dylan to tell him where he was headed, or even more he wanted to tell Kelly how they told each other about everything they did, and all of this had become impossible.

None of them were there, last year seemed very far away

XX

For Dylan to undergo the sessions with Jamie had become almost an obsession. They went on day after day, with patience. Going back in time was something he liked very much, it was like proceeding as a privileged spectator in someone else's life.

Jamie had repeated to him several times that he could not change the fate of the past because it would be accomplished in every way and regardless of his will but Dylan would have wanted to change absolutely nothing of what he saw, it was like having a second chance with Brenda, it was like being able to start over. Jamie knew everything about what Dylan would see and feared that he would react, that Dylan's boy's heart would not hold up in finding out the truth.

Antonia had stayed with him for all those days when they had lost their tracks in the world. He didn't quite know why Antonia chose to stay with him. He hadn't sensed anything about her feelings, because Antonia didn't venture, never said anything out of place, and Dylan's mind was too busy with what his heart already knew.

He wanted to go back to that vision, in which he died and Brenda walked away crying, to understand that it wasn't her future, that it wasn't their future.

Jamie went back to the tent.

He had dedicated as much time as possible to him, Jamie had patience, he knew how to wait, he was not overwhelmed by anything even by Dylan himself, if he was hungry he would leave him and go to eat, if he was sleepy he would go to sleep.

He didn't give Dylan any justification.

Jamie's movements were slow and fascinating even Antonia followed them in silence.

"Are you ready?"

Dylan closed his eyes. He was ready.

1941

He and Brenda were walking in the area south of Manhattan. They had been talking all the time, about the place they came from, about what they wanted to do after the war, Brenda had chosen to became nurse after taking a course of a few months, because she wanted to help. So she had said, she wanted to help.

"Our generation needs to be helped, because it's not right what they're taking away from us," she said with her eyes on fire.

She didn't say much about what she wanted to do next. The war did not allow you to have such long projects.

Dylan was quieter, he had talked about his brother, and his mother who had just died.

"Oh!" Brenda replied sad "I'm sorry"

Dylan shrugged, his mother was a hole in Dylan's heart while he never spoke of his father, he dismissed him with a few words "we never hear from each other, we know we are in the world, my brother Brandon keep writing him letters".

Dylan talked about why they had chosen to become pilots, because his father had been, and because his father had told them not to. A good excuse to do the exact opposite.

A kind of spite but then the case wanted both him and Brandon to like being a pilot. He was good, they were fast, they were fearless.

"And aren't you afraid of dying?"

"I'm afraid for my brother but not for me," Dylan replied.

'Why?'

"Because my brother is all I have," he said. And it was true, it was true until that moment.

Brenda smiled. She liked to walk next to that guy, there was something familiar about him but at the same time there was something she couldn't grasp.

They stopped to eat some hot dogs on the street. There was a small orchestra playing to cheer up.

Dylan invited her to dance. Brenda felt happy, they laughed several times, they went wild with the Boogie Woogie. Dylan would grab her hand, put his arm around her waist, spin her and then grab her back. The two faces touched each other several times.

"Where is your brother? Isn't he looking for you? Isn't he waiting for you?" Brenda asked in a moment of pause as they went to sit on a bench.

"He went out with the other guys, I doubt he'll go back to the hotel soon"

"I'd love to meet him," Brenda said.

"Why?"

"I don't know" she shrug her shoulders "you told me so much about him that I feel like I know him and then" she said looking him in the eye "it's important to you"

The streets were beginning to depopulate. The evening and the rain had changed the face of the city.

Without realizing it they had made it all the way to Coney Island and the Luna Park was still open.

Dylan looked Brenda in the eye and she looked at him.

Their faces were illuminated by the thousand colors of the rides that still worked.

Kissing was a moment.

Their lips touched, tongues desired each other, they united and then melted. They wanted to kiss, they wanted it from that afternoon and couldn't stop, the kiss became much deeper and more passionate and the hands frantic.

When they regained air they smiled and then went back to kissing again.

"I've wanted to do it all afternoon," Dylan said.

"I'm not a girl kissing on the first date... but you..." Brenda said "it doesn't matter" she whispered looking at an indefinite point.

From that moment they held hands, neither of them wanted to go back, go home, they could walk to the ends of the world and keep the war away.

"I have to tell you something," he said.

Brenda stiffened.

"I know it will seem strange to you," Dylan said, "but when I saw you this afternoon I have ..."

"You felt something ..." Brenda finished the sentence and Dylan looked at it "yes exactly"

"Me too," she said, "I felt it too"

That connection was true for both of us and for both of them it was new and inexplicable.

It started to rain harder but the two of them didn't seem to feel anything. Their hair, their clothes, their eyes were full of water, but their heart, inside their heart the sun was shining. They stayed in the rain, one tight to the other.

War would separate them, maybe or maybe not, but when you feel what they had felt you can't let it go, you can't pretend it didn't happen.

Between them everything became extremely natural, as if they had known each other for years. They held hands, kissed, slid through the streets of New York together.

"I'll take you home," he said.

"Not yet," she replied and kissed him again.

XX

Kelly had just finished a shoot. Her days were full of things to do. Makeup, hair, clothes, photographs. New York had bewitched her, kidnapped her, and yet she couldn't be really happy. The beginnings had been good but you can't escape for long from what your heart lacks. You can't lie for a long time.

She couldn't get the thought out of Brandon out of her head, of the last time she had seen him, of that year spent together, of the smiles, of the tears, of all the times she had found him behind her door. The fire, the cult , her insecurities, he was there with her and then suddenly he was gone.

The truth was that without him she felt empty, it was something she warned and made her sad. Brandon's words prevented her from coming back but she would have liked to come back, even right away. She was rushing. They should have spent the summer together, they should have been able to tell Brandon every wonderful thing that was happening to her.

Even the bad things. Her father Bill had called her, he was in New York, he wanted to see her, they had an appointment at a downtown restaurant.

When her father arrived there was another woman with him, a young woman, a little older than Kelly, her name was Eleonor. His father had shown up on a date with his daughter with his new partner. Kelly's disappointment had plagued her for days. She tried to call Brandon because she felt lost, because pride prevented her from breathing but at Casa Walsh no one had answered, not even Valerie.

The makeup had been unravelled on Kelly's face and at the worst moment the only one left was Colin. Colin wanted her, she could read it in his eyes, she felt attracted to him as much as any woman in the world would feel attracted, but she couldn't give him her heart because Kelly's heart was in the pockets of someone else who didn't want to talk to her, who had left her alone. Kelly knew well where her heart was.

The day had been horrible, the photographs he had taken were waste paper. The tense expression. Those in Vogue didn't seem happy.

Kelly was lying on the caravan couch trying to get some rest.

She felt unhappy. It didn't make sense to live a dream if you couldn't share it with the people you loved. SHe could not feed the hunger that had opened to the bottom of her soul and that bore only one name. Yet she had seen him in that Indian ritual, she had seen Brandon walk away. That future was true.

"Today you're off," Colin told her as he walked in, "the photographs are to be thrown away"

"Sorry, I've had some problems these days"

"Always that Brandon?"

Kelly shook her head "to tell the truth I haven't heard him since I left, and maybe that's the problem.." kelly laughed sadly "Anyway no, my dad invited me to dinner to introduce me to his umpteenth girlfriend my age. We hadn't seen each other for three years."

Colin stroked her hair.

"I'm sorry Kelly but if you want to do this job you have to find a way to react"

Kelly felt lonely in the world at the time.

"Good thing we're done for today because you ruined all the makeup" Colin smiled and she smiled too.

"ListeN... I have something that might make you feel better," Colin said.

Kelly looked at the small glass container Colin waving in his hands.

'What is it?' Kelly asked.

"Something that helps you not feel the sadness"

Colin put some cocaine on a saucer and then pulled up with his nose.

Soon after Colin closed his eyes and began to relax.

Kelly looked at him speechless.

Colin encouraged Kelly to get a little bit.

"I... I don't think... my mom had serious problems with this stuff"

"Kelly, it's no longer the eighties drug, that makes you feel a little good, just so you don't feel the sadness, and then 'Colin walked up to Kelly' you can stop whenever you want, and it doesn't make you think of Brandon,. Your father.. won't make you think of anything"

Kelly looked at the cocaine on the table. Maybe only once it wouldn't be serious, she really needed to cancel herself.

She lowered himself and pulled up with her nose.

She felt a strong tingling inside her nostrils and then an immediate feeling of well-being. A feeling of well-being that had made her lighter. Colin was there next to her. Fuck it all, she thought and started laughing. Colin was laughing too.

She no longer had control of herself, she felt excited, euphoric.

SHe kissed Colin suddenly, and he didn't let himself be prayed, he stuck his hands between her thighs, taking off her underwear.

They had sex without ever looking each other in the face but Colin made her feel free. SHe felt strong again.

SHe wanted to relive that feeling of euphoria, that sense of liberation, she didn't want to get caught up in the sense of loneliness anymore.

"I'd like to paint you," Colin told her as he kissed her neck and breasts on the trailer sofa.

'Seriously?'

"Yes. I want to paint you," he repeated to her as his mouth worked on Kelly's neck and the cocaine remained on the table for the next round of the ride.

XX

1941

Dylan went back to the room that was almost dawn. On the way back he hadn't even been able to find a taxi, and had walked all the time, in the rain.

His bones hurt.

When he entered the room Brandon was already in bed but his brother's noises woke him up.

"You're late," Brandon said.

"For once I did it later than you," he laughed.

"What time is it?"

"4.30, how was the nudie Bar?"

Brandon laughed as he sat down "very naked, we'll be back tonight, are you coming with us?"

"No, I have a date"

"With that nurse?"

"Yes" Dylan sighed "there's something about her"

"Does she know that we're going to Europe in 15 days?"

Dylan looked down 'yet not'

Brandon raised his eyebrow and peered at his brother, he had never seen him like this, sometimes their mom had told them that one day they would find love and that they would recognize it , but Brandon preferred the easy love of paid girls. No commitments. Actually, Dylan had always preferred paid love too, but something seemed to have changed."

"Does she have some nice friend?"

"She has a lot of friends," laughed Dylan.

"Mmmhhh..." Brandon replied "don't convince me for tonight I'm still going to the Nudie Bar.. maybe who knows tomorrow I'll meet the great love"

Dylan pulled him the pillow that Brandon took on the fly.

"I don't know," Brandon said getting serious, "I might be dead in Europe tomorrow, I don't want to break anyone's heart"

"Hei" Dylan had a serious tone "you won't die, I won't let you"

"You're not going to die either," Brandon replied.

They looked at each other for a moment. Nothing had changed between them, they had divided their clothes, the room, even the girls, they were brothers. Almost twin blood brothers, they were only 15 months apart. A nothing in a lifetime.

so, what do you think? Tell me! What about the dream?