The team was on the plane going over a case in a small town when a phone was heard. Reid pulled out his cell phone and answered it. Whatever he heard drove him to his feet his face ashen; putting his phone down on the table next to Morgan he went to his messenger bag and quickly dug out an old pack of cigarettes and a lighter. His hands shaking he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. His first drag set him coughing but his second was smooth with the practice of an experienced smoker. Straightening his spine he smoothly picked his phone back up.

"Hey, why are you calling?" Reid asked taking a drag on his smoke and blowing the smoke up the ceiling.

Walking over the galley, the cigarette dangling between two fingers, he leaned against the cabinets. Reid casually pulled of his jacket and tie throwing them on the sofa, carelessly tipping ashes on the floor as he listened. When the cigarette burned down, he casually put it out against his bare forearm. Reid put the stump in the pack and lit a second one.

Taking a drag Reid blew the smoke toward the ceiling "Listen to me I'm done, " He said loudly before his dropped to low for the team to hear him, though they noticed him moving and gesticually heatedly before angrily hanging up the phone.

"Spence?" JJ called worriedly

Reid jumped then dropped his cigarette on the floor; grinding it out under his shoe. Grabbing his phone he started walking over but his hands were shaking so bad he almost dropped his phone. Shaking his head, Reid quickly went to the galley and lit a third smoke.

"Sorry about that. Where were we?" Reid said casually leaning back in his seat.

"There's no smoking on airplanes." Rossi reminded him

Reid took a drag and turned to him, for a second it looked like Reid was going to blow it in Rossi's face before turning and exhaling up the ceiling. Grabbing a case file Reid stretched his legs out and started going through it. As his cigarette neared the end he stretched out his arm, Morgan instantly grabbed his wrist.

"Let go." Reid ordered his voice cold as ice, his eyes threatening

Morgan started but didn't loosen his grip, Reid narrowed his eyes. JJ slipped her empty mug toward Reid "Here Spence use this." She said.

Reid not taking his eyes of Morgan dropped his smoke into the cup then cocked an eyebrow at Morgan who released his arm and leaned back in his seat.

"Dr. Reid there is no smoking on federal aircrafts." Hotch said speaking as chief of the unit.

Reid quickly straightened up, put his pack down and went back to the files. As he perused a second file his hands started shaking more and more. Shaking himself slightly Reid got up and walked over the galley.

"I'm Spencer Reid a federal agent not the brat prince, I must be Dr. Reid." He though repeatedly to himself.

Pouring himself a cup of coffee Reid repeated it to himself with little success his self control slipping more and more. He forcefully drew himself back adding more and more cream and sugar forcing the Brat Prince down where he belonged along with all the memories he held. Taking a deep breath he sipped the almost burning beverage and became himself again. Walking over the table for the third time that day he sat down and waited for Hotch to finish the meeting.

"Emily and Morgan will go to the latest crime scene; Rossi will talk to the ME, while JJ, Reid and I will go to the station." Hotch said deciding not to go over the case anymore.

"So I'm in time out." Reid said with a slight smirk sipping his coffee.

"No, I need you to work out a geographic profile." Hotch said

Reid gave a cold chuckle at that before standing and going over the couch. Propping a foot on the seat he slowly sipped his coffee, his fingers drumming on the mug. His team spread out to wait out the ride in their own fashion, mainly trying to figure out who called Reid and what had they discussed.

Upon landing Reid put his mug in the galley and put on his jacket leaving his tie on the couch. Shouldering his bag he was the first off the plane. Following closely Emily, Hotch, and Morgan felt the hot dry desert air of Colorado hit them as they came down the stairs. They heard Reid laugh and shake his head as he pulled off his jacket, drape it over his bag and light a cigarette. By the time they caught up to him; Reid already had his bag loaded and the keys to the first SUV in his hand. They quickly loaded their bags and went over to wait for Rossi and JJ.

"Reid why aren't you wearing your tie?" Emily asked motioning to his shirt collar which had the first two buttons undone.

"Didn't feel like wearing it." Reid said leaning against the car.

"Kid what's wrong?" Morgan asked

Hearing kid Reid straightened his spine and walked over the driver's door and got in. JJ and Rossi came over the Agents split up with JJ and Hotch going with Reid.

Reid left the airport one hand on the wheel, the other holding his smoke out the window.

"I need to make a stop." Reid said ten minutes after they left the airport.

"For cigarettes?" JJ asked

"Yes." Reid said.

"Spencer I need to know what that phone call was about, you deliberately burned yourself with a cigarette I could have you put on medical leave for that." Hotch said

"You could, but you won't." Reid said taking a drag.

"Why not?" Hotch asked

Reid put his cigarette out in the cup holder and lit his last cigarette.

The ride was silent until they pulled up a cigar shop. Reid said he wouldn't be long and went inside. Hotch and JJ got out of the car and followed him inside. Just as the clerk was putting Reid's pick on the counter: the manager came out the room and quickly ordered the clerk into the back room. Reid moved his fore arm into view and the manager bowed his head slightly. Pulling out a pack of cigarettes from the display case he opened it and handed Reid one. Taking one for himself he lit both and the two fell into a hushed conversation. After a few minutes the owner handed Reid a full carton of smokes from under the counter and pushed back the money Reid handed him. Reid gestured to Hotch and the owner quickly took the money slipping a couple of the first pack into the bag as well. Reid went out to the car and handing the keys to Hotch got into the passenger seat.

"Are you going to tell me what conversation was about?" Hotch asked as they pulled out of the parking lot.

"I needed information," Reid shook his head, leaning back into the seat "I thought the bastard was dead," He took a drag "I hoped the bastard was dead." He said softly.

"Who?" JJ asked from the back seat "Is this someone you knew before joining the FBI?"

"Yeah." Reid said and fell silent.

At the police station Reid put his smokes in his bag and after stubbing out his cigarette went in with JJ and Hotch. After the customary introductions, Reid got himself a cup of coffee and went to work on the geographical map. It was quiet as they worked, Reid barely speaking but restlessly drumming his fingers on the table or against the table. After an hour he got up for a smoke and every hour after did the same. The team worked through dinner: getting dinner from a local burger joint. At nine at the team called it a night and went to the hotel. After an hour Reid came out of his room to find Morgan waiting in the hallway.

"Guard duty?" Reid asked with ironic amusement

"Yes." Morgan said

"To protect me from others or myself?" Reid asked

"Both." Morgan said

Reid looked at him, Morgan waited for a heated claim that he didn't need a baby sitter but instead he chuckled and walked over to the elevator. Morgan followed and the two men went out into the cool desert air. Reid walked over to a convenience store and picked up some medical supplies and a case of beer. He paid then leaving the store walked three blocks to a cemetery. He climbed up on the brick wall surrendering the graveyard and leaned back to look at the stars. Morgan climbed up next to him and Reid handed him a beer. Morgan took a drink, while Reid lit a cigarette and opened his own beer.

"There's Orion, Venus," Reid continued to point out various constellations and stars as the night wore on and passersby's and cars become fewer and fewer.

Morgan once his beer was finished stretched out on elbows surprised to find himself enjoying Reid's nerdy star lecture.

"We should get back." Reid said abruptly after stubbing out his fifth cigarette and finishing his third beer.

"You want to?" Morgan asked sitting up.

"This was nice; I used to come out like this all the time. When I was kid I would go out in the backyard, sometimes my Mom or my Dad would join me. Later I would go out after a hard day at work or school, it was a nice way to unwind. It was a way to escape looking at my problems through the vastness of the universe made them insignificant." Reid laughed "Of course the next day they always came back."

Morgan bit back a snide comment and instead asked when he started smoking

"I was sixteen, I quit when I joined the FBI." Reid said "My first tobacco was actually a cigar, a Birthday gift from my former…friend." Reid finished quickly.

He jumped down, Morgan following after gathering up the beer bottles and butts. They walked back to the hotel in comfortable silence.

"I would prefer a flesh eating virus myself it's quicker and less expensive." Garcia said coming upon Reid on his smoking break.

"Penelope?" Reid said smiling "What are you doing here?" He said dropping his smoke on the ground to hug her.

"I heard my genius was in trouble, so I came down to help." Garcia said returning his hug.

"Did you clear it with Aaron?" Reid asked pulling away

"Of course, I'm always free to travel with the unit if I'm needed."

"I was going to call you soon." Reid drew a paper from his pocket "I need you to track down this woman."

"Of course, is it." Reid cut her off "It's personal, she's an old friend." Reid said handing her the paper and picking up her bags.

JJ greeted her with a hug and introduced to police chief, while Reid took her bags to the conference room they had been given. After seeing Garcia settled, Reid grabbed them both mugs of coffee and they fell to work. JJ joined them and they worked without a word spoken. Morgan, Hotch, Rossi, and Emily returned from the latest crime scene and visiting the family of the victim. The killer's cooling off period was narrowing and they wanted to get the case done before more bodies turned up. Thankfully some forensic evidence had been found at the crime scene that greatly helped narrow down the field of suspects.

"Here." Reid said passing out cups of coffee to Emily, Garcia, and JJ.

"Thank you" Emily said taking a cup, "Where did you go?"

"An officer showed me a little coffee shop near the police station. He told me it's one of the locals best kept secrets." Reid said taking his seat.

"Where's ours kid?" Rossi asked

Reid cocked his head "You guys can't get your own?" He asked insolently

"Spence?" JJ asked putting a gentle hand on his arm which he brusquely shook off.

"Sorry, I didn't think of it." Reid said turning to an evidence report.

The team worked hard wanting to get Reid home as soon as possible. At seven Hotch called it a day.

"Oh Reid here's the phone number you asked for."

"Thank you." Reid said glancing at the number before folding up the paper and putting it in his pocket.

"Who's that?" Hotch asked

"Anastasia Krasnov, an old friend." Reid said putting his bag over his shoulder.

"Krasnov? Was she the one who sent you a wedding invitation a few years ago?" Emily asked

"Yes." Reid said shortly.

After they finished work Reid waited until they drove to a nearby restaurant before stepping away from the group and made a call on his cell. Morgan and Rossi trailed him keeping a respectful distance to avoid eavesdropping. Reid casually smoking a cigarette seemed peaceful even happy as he talked to his friend. Suddenly Reid dropped his smoke and walking even further from Morgan and Rossi started pacing back and forth. He suddenly gasped and looked at the sky, Morgan saw tears running down his face. Reid hastily wiped his eyes and spoke a few more minutes before hanging up.

"Spencer are you okay?" Rossi asked putting a hand on Reid's shoulder as he walked over to them.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Reid said his voice a little shaky "It's been a long time since I talked to her."

"Is she alright?" Morgan asked

"Yes, well I hope so, I told her to take the kids and disappear for a few weeks."

"Is she in danger?" Rossi asked

"We're all in danger." Reid said withdrawing behind his walls again as he walked away.

At the end of the case the entire team breathed a sigh of relief. They hoped that when they returned home, Reid would start acting like his old self. Reid however seemed to be in hurry to go home and instead had asked Hotch if they stay an extra night so he could take the whole team out to dinner. Hopping that Reid mean to open up to them, Aaron agreed and by seven they were driving to a restaurant. Reid had not told them the name of the place so he drove in the first SUV with Garcia, JJ, and Emily followed by Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, in a second SUV. Reid taking drags on his cigarette asked Garcia to find an old rock station and tapped his hand on the wheel as he drove.

"Reid everything going to be okay." Garcia said putting a hand on his leg.

Reid jumped, and then dropping his smoke out the window switched hands and took her hand.

"I've always admired your optimism, your confidence and your unfailing ability to be yourself no matter the situation." Reid smiled "Anya was very similar to you, I could never understand considering her profession but I loved her for it." Reid said turning briefly to smile at her "Promise me you'll never change." Reid said raising her hand to his lips, to give her hand a quick kiss.

"I won't I promise." Garcia said studying his face for answers to his odd behavior.

Reid squeezed her hand before releasing it and turning both hands to the wheel. They drove in silence the rest of the way to the restaurant. They drove up to a very grand building. Reid pulled into the small parking lot filled with expensive cars and walked confidently to the building. His team following all very conscious of being underdressed. Upon entering Reid spoke quietly with the Maitre D, then the manager and soon the entire was ushered to a small garden in the back of the building. Reid lit a cigarette, while the others looked over the menu finding it much more reasonably priced then they had expected. The waiter brought them a bottle of wine and poured it out.

"I assumed you ordered this?" Rossi asked reading the bottle.

"Yes it was Celeste's favorite wine; every time she ordered a glass she gave me a fourth." Reid said taking a sip.

"How old were you?" Emily asked

"Seventeen." Reid said picking up his menu.

Before anyone could ask any more questions Reid started asking questions about what people wanted to eat. They ordered and Reid despite the team's best efforts kept steering the conversation away from himself instead focusing on their lives and on happy moments from the job. Reid slowly relaxed as the night wore on, though he smoked between each course and every one of the team got a glimpsed of sadness and pain in his eyes as glanced at them.

"For you sir." The waiter said handing Reid a glass of scotch at the end of the meal.

"Thank you." Reid said.

"When did you order this?" JJ asked

Reid didn't answer but swirled the liquid before taking a small sip with clear satisfaction. He put it aside to finish his chocolate cake. He then picked up the glass again and took a swallow grimacing at the taste. He took another swallow practically finishing the glass.

Rossi took the scotch "I thought you liked it?" he said examining the liquor.

Reid didn't answer and took a cigarette pack from his bag one of the three the cigarette owner had slipped in his bag. He lit one and leaned back in please before a spasm shook his body and threw him forward slightly. He coughed then took another drag.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked rising to her feet.

"Fine." Reid said signaling for her to sit back down.

Hotch got to his feet and came over to Reid along with Rossi.

"Reid did you poison yourself?" He asked

Reid's only answer was a drag on his cigarette.

"Spencer," Rossi said also getting to his feet "Aaron and I suspected that something like this might happen. You can either come with us to the hospital willing or we can call an ambulance and have you admitted as a suicide attempt."

Another spasm shook Reid's body and the cigarette fell from his hand.

A/N I'm back baby, I wrote this for fun and to prove I can still write. I am so sorry I took a year off with the pandemic, 2020, I have plans to finish all my stories and not with the cliché Rocks Fall Everyone Dies thing I'd been thinking about for a year. Thank you to all my readers for being so patient and if you want to leave any Comments or Likes/Favorites I always love them and do make me want to write .