Chapter 1

(AN: I've recently discovered the Familiar of Zero series - or Zero no Tsukaima for those that prefer the OG Japanese names - and it's both stupid, funny, and easily memorable. Isekais tend to be much more fun when the character isn't powering through everything super easily, and the main character definitely doesn't do that - even with the abilities he gets, so I thought I'd try my own hand at it.

For context, the main character is a rifleman of the U.S. Army's 29th Infantry Division, having been fighting in the Western Front.)

Everything hurts. My head pounded, and my chest felt like it was on fire. I remembered huddling in a ditch as German artillery had opened fire on my team's position. I remembered Willis yelling at me to run for my life, even with gunfire tearing over our heads. Then an explosion was cut off almost immediately after as all went black.

That had to have been a few seconds ago. Artillery must have nailed our position moments after we bolted for more cover. Maybe the battle was over? It sounded over to me - not hearing a single shout, a single gunshot, nor a single crunch of a boot's footstep in the gravel. But I could hear talking, from what sounded like girls and boys. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but it all sounded casual.

The objective was taken, and we'd moved on to liberate another town. Maybe I woke up in the back of a halftrack in time to arrive at an abandoned town? That was the only option that made sense, after all. Maybe we finally caught ourselves a break. Knowing my squad members, they were all getting wasted in the local bar up ahead.

No. No, there was no other sound of my squad. Or my platoon. I wasn't anywhere near the advance force. Was I left behind?

"Fuck..." I moaned as I rolled around on the ground, my head ringing under my helmet. I could feel my Garand resting on my leg as I slowly opened my eyes. Despite it being so blurry, I was seeing bright blue above me - not dim cloudy skies with treetops obscuring the view.

Where the hell was I? Groaning to myself, I sat up, feeling my headache slowly go away - slowly being the key word. The pain was still annoying as hell, and the bright blue sky only served to confuse me even more. How could it not? Was the rest of the 2nd Squad here as well?

I felt my helmet secured to my face, and I looked down to see my trusty rifle with its leather strap loosely wrapped around my boot. "Ugh," I mumbled as I yanked my rifle back into my grip before freezing. Grass. Green grass. And lots and lots of shoes.

I looked up, and even more questions came to mind. I was no longer with my fellow Americans. I was surrounded by a bunch of school kids with capes and a bunch of...animals? A lot of them were animals at the very least. One looked like a big orange lizard. Another looked like a blue dinosaur of some sorts. And standing with the kids was one older bald man with blue clothing and glasses. They were talking - some of them laughing as they all looked at one kid in particular - a pink haired girl that stood out in many ways.

One of them being the fact that she was short. She was also standing right in front of me. "Uh, hi?" I asked as I stood up, stumbling to my feet as I felt myself reorient from my earlier dizziness once I was up. At least the headache went away. But I felt another one coming soon as I looked around.

I was in some medieval type castle area. Green grass formed a healthy field around us, and the stone towers were cylindrical in nature - with tiled cones for roofs. The walls were made of stone as well, just like the drawings in history textbooks, as well as the few pictures of real life standing castles I'd seen growing up.

Don't tell me I took part in some time travel bullshit. Did the Germans make artillery that somehow did this? They built the Tiger, who knows what they could be capable of? I heard the talking of the younger boys and girls - they were actually teens now that I got a good look. They were all speaking in gibberish, or at the very least - a language I didn't recognize. I knew a little bit of Spanish, and I could recognize German dialect when I heard it. But this wasn't anything I heard before. It was clear by body language that the girl with the long and wavy pink hair was clearly upset while the others jeered.

I normally don't like bullies at all - but I was confused. So confused that I couldn't really grasp the fact that this was likely bullying. In fact, why was I thinking about that, I should be thinking of a way to get out of here. But it looked like no one was paying attention to me, especially with all this conversation going on, so I did the most logical thing I could do.

I slipped away, sneaking towards an opening in the stone walls, a gate - it looked like.

- Louise Françoise Le Blanc de La Vallière's POV -

"I've never heard of...of using filthy peasants as familiars!" I cried, feeling tears well up behind my eyes as the students around me laughed. Why did things have to go so wrong here? Everyone else got mighty creatures of fearsome power, or adorable companions that would be the most loyal around. And I got a filthy man in green! How did I get such...such an unlucky pick for my familiar?

However, Professor Colbert would not grant me this one kindness. "I will not allow any exceptions on this, peasant or not. Continue with the ritual," the older man sternly ordered, his face the only one not holding any sense of mockery. I was at least glad he didn't take part of the teasing, but I couldn't help but feel very ashamed by this turn of events.

However, my shame gave way to confusion when Colbert's stern expression turned into one of questioning. "Where did he go?" he asked. I blinked and turned to see the strange green clothed man gone from his spot on the ground. Panic soared into my heart as I realized what had happened. No, my familiar was gone - before I could even make him my familiar! How could this happen?

"Wow, you lost track of your 'servant'? How clumsy of you, Zero," Kirche jeered, the rest of the class snickering as I clenched my fists. Oh, how I wanted to poke her eye with my wand and activate another one of my explosive spells.

"You were right there! All of you were right there! You didn't see him leave?!" I screeched.

"Why should we stop him? He's your familiar," Kirche scoffed, as carefree as ever. "Everyone knows the responsibility for the well-being and good health of your familiar is yours alone." I growled before another voice quickly cut in.

"Enough," Colbert said. "There's only one way out of this open field, and it's the gate. He likely went that way. As for the rest of the class, I will not tolerate any more mockery or derogatory remarks about any student. No matter if you feel they deserve it or not."

The class grumbled their compliance as I turned and rushed towards the gate, my fists continuously clenched as I bolted away from the rest of those annoying students. Once I find that troublesome peasant, I'm going to bind him.

It didn't take me long to find him. There he was - standing like an idiot in front of one of the maids - a confused looking blonde girl. His odd wooden staff was slung over his back, next to a large leather backpack as green as his clothing - I'd just realized he was wearing it. What else did I summon into this world with him?

I nearly ran over to shout at him, but then I heard something. Words. But they were words of an origin I couldn't recognize. There was no dialect I knew associated with that mumbling jumble he was spouting. The maid he was speaking to seemed to agree with me, because she was asking him what he meant over and over - and the green man continued to speak, as if ignoring her own issues with understanding him.

Finally, I snapped out of my thoughts and came over, utterly peeved. "There you are!" I snarled, shocking the maid into backing away. The man turned to face me, and I got a proper look at his features. I hadn't been paying attention when he first appeared, mostly because I was so shocked to get a person as a familiar in the first place. But now...I could see particular details about him that I hadn't bothered to notice before.

He was very scraggly indeed. He had a very rough brown beard on his chin, as well as dirt and grime on his face. He had messy brown hair underneath that weird green bowl that rested on his head - an oversized bowl, I noticed. The bowl seemed to be covered in nets of some sort, and there was an old pair of protective eyewear on the bowl itself.

His clothes were somewhat dirty - and they were definitely uglier than any outfit she'd seen. No decorations, just what appeared to be a bland green jacket, a bland pair of green pants, and a bland pair of black boots. Was green all he owned?

And his eyes...they were a confused shade of green. He was tall as well - a tad bit taller than Professor Colbert.

Before I realized it, the man had approached me - and was talking. Judging by his tone, he was asking questions. What questions was he asking me? No matter, it was clear he was indeed loyal to me as a familiar should be, coming back to me, likely asking me for forgiveness. Even though I knew this was a stretch, I couldn't help my imagination as it wandered a little.

But first things first. I held up my hand, effectively silencing him before I began the ritual to bond myself with this...familiar. I struggled to keep myself from saying peasant, even if it was the truth.

"My name is Françoise Louise de La Vallière," I whispered before aiming my wand at the man - who flinched and stepped back. His hand fell to the wooden staff on his back, and I took this as my chance to continue. "Pentagon that rules the five powers, bless this individual and make him into my familiar!" And with that, I gripped the edge of that ridiculous bowl on his head and pulled him down. Luckily for me, he didn't resist, and I closed my eyes.

Our lips met moments after, and they stayed bonded for several seconds. I broke off moments after and stepped aside, just as I heard the footsteps of various classmates and familiars moving to join me and my own familiar. Professor Colbert's voice spoke up, calmer than before. "Well, then. It seems that the Contract Servant has ended peacefully."

Kirche came up to the confused man with a pout, inspecting him closely before she smiled coyly, much too coyly for me to be comfortable. Thankfully, he seemed uncomfortable as well - stepping back awkwardly. The head of the taller - and much bustier - girl easily reached the level of his nose as she took a look. "His fashion sense could use some work. It seems like he's as dilapidated as you are, Zero. How unsurprising of you," she cooed - eliciting a growl of frustration out of me.

My retort was cut off when the man began coughing and hissing in pain. His body was red - as if he'd been exposed to a very hot spring, and he was stumbling back against the nearest stone wall, gripping the collar of his jacket as he spoke erratically. He was panicked, and clearly hurting from the bonding spell that I had cast upon him - but I didn't show much concern. The mark wouldn't exactly kill him, and what was a little pain?

"It seems...that class is over now," Professor Colbert said, cutting off any other poetential argument between me and that Zerbst bitch. "Bring him to your quarters. He will need rest and sustenance if he's to participate as a familiar starting tomorrow." The professor turned to the rest of his class. "All of you shall do the same. These are your partners now. You will take care of them as if they were your children. Your best friend. Your family. Treat them not as disposable tools, but as living creatures."

"Yes, professor," the class said, and I turned to see that the man had fainted, lying on the ground as his erratic breathing had turned into a calmer rise and fall of the chest. Sighing to myself, I turned to the professor. "Excuse me, but how will I get him to my room? The maids likely won't be able to lift him - and I don't wish to cause too much trouble." I didn't want the staff to hate me as the class did, after all.

"I shall assist," Professor Colbert offered kindly, and I smiled before bowing. The man hoisted my familiar up on his back before stumbling, bumping his side against the wall. "He's very heavy..." he said, struggling to lift him before setting him back down. "Perhaps you could carry all of his things? I'm surprised the summoning process even brought such items."

"As am I," I said. Colbert hauled the sack off of my familiar's back - then the wooden staff. No, not a wooden staff - a firearm. It was very much like one of those flintlock weapons used by soldiers from some of the nations of Halkeginia. But there was no hammer. Instead, I could see that much of the weapon was of steel rather than mostly wooden. It was heavy, and the wood was polished and very well made.

"I noticed that he holds a gun as well," Colbert said. "Perhaps we should keep it from him-"

"No," I interjected before coughing. "I'll be able to handle it. He won't be able to use it while I'm around." The pack was also very heavy, with some odd wooden handle sticking out of the back as well as an illogical number of straps on the odd thing. Colbert had spent several seconds unlatching it off of my familiar. What exactly did this man carry with him?

"I...see," Colbert said as he took the gun off of me to look at it. He eyed the barrel, presumably seeing nothing before pointing it down at the grass, eyeing the trigger next. "It doesn't appear to be working, or proper for that matter, so I suppose it's safe," the professor said as he handed it to me. I took it as he went back to picking up my familiar off of the grass.

As Colbert lifted the unconscious man with much more ease, I found myself carrying the sack and the gun, the sack being very heavy indeed. The trip to my quarters was very long and embarrassing, passing students and staff alike - confused stares burrowing themselves into my skin as the professor and I walked down the halls of the academy's dormitories.

My thoughts were occupied with curses during the entire tiring walk. Mostly curses towards my luck for having such a high maintenance familiar. A few additional curses were directed to Colber for forcing me to finish the process towards a familiar I never wanted, and even more went to Kirche for being the absolute Germanian bitch that she was. Here's hoping that all of those back problems crippled her in the near future - the very very near future.

Eventually, we reached my dorm room - finally, and I opened the door for the professor, who walked in and promptly set him down on my bed. It took all of my willpower just to stop myself from complaining to the professor. The peasant - no, my servant didn't have the right to be in my sleeping space, but I had to keep from voicing my opinions on the matter.

"Now that that's over, I should really go back," Professor Colbert said. "Please remember to look after him now that he's bonded to you."

"I will. Thank you, professor," I said. Colbert nodded and smiled kindly at me before turning to face my familiar, his hands at his sides on my bed. Then the professor's smile died down, a tense frown on his face.

"What is it?" I asked, coming over and noticing something. He was staring at the left hand of my familiar, the mark on his hand to be specific. Now that I think about it, that wasn't something I normally recognized.

"Nothing," the professor said, backing off politely before heading to the doorway. "Have a good rest." And with that, he closed the door and left promptly - footsteps fading down the hall. I turned and looked at my peacefully sleeping familiar.

I'd have to take care of another person. This was now my responsibility, and I'd have to be up to taking it. A sense of determination filled my veins, and I set down the heavy sack and long gun on the floor by the wardrobe. I wouldn't be a zero. I will have an effective familiar, and I'd prove myself to be powerful - much more powerful than Kirche and her cronies.

But first...

I yanked the man off of my bed, throwing his form to the floor with a dull thud. I didn't need him taking up my bed with his filthy self. Though I was glad Colbert didn't take that ugly bowl off of his head before carrying him - the impact was fairly hard.

- POV: Private First Class Brenner: several hours later -

Everything inside me was agony. I remembered passing out from the pain of whatever that girl had done to me. First of all, she kissed me - that was one of the weirdest things I'd ever felt, mostly because I hadn't ever been kissed before. By a teen of all girls?

The next was the sudden inferno that exploded in my body moments after the kiss happened. My hand in particular burned hotter than everything else, and I'd passed out before I could figure out what it was.

In fact, it was the first thing on my mind when my eyes shot open. My hand was brought up before my eyes, and I could see something on it. Some odd symbol imprinted on my hand. It looked like letters...yet in a different dialect. Either that or these particular letters of the alphabet were all mirrored and stretched and mixed around for this symbol.

I rubbed my right hand over the mark - only to see that it didn't feel like anything was there. Not even the weird texture of ink on my hand. It was as if my own skin had made the mark - just to add to the weirdness of everything I'd seen earlier.

Then I looked away from my hand to distract myself, noticing my surroundings. I was in some bedroom - a fancy one at that. There was a table, a wardrobe, and a candle that lit up the mostly wooden room with little effect. Was it nighttime?

Then more speaking of that odd language occurred. I turned to see that same pink haired girl earlier, standing by my right. As she spoke, I managed to get a good look at her outfit - a pleated skirt and thigh high stockings alongside a black cape white collared shirt. Her outfit reminded me of most student outfits in Europe - having come across my fair share of besieged towns with boys and girls locked up in their schools before we rolled by.

I got up, feeling much lighter than usual as I stumbled to my feet. My boots thumped heavily on the plank wood floors, and I realized we were not on the first floor. Was it the second floor? Or the third floor? I turned to look at the fancy window on my left on the other side of the bed, but it was too dark to tell how high up we were.

Then a shout occurred. I turned just in time to see a pile of clothes flop against my face. Sputtering from the disgusting smell crammed against my nose, I pushed the clothes down on the bed. "Hey, what the fuck is wrong with you-"

I was silenced by the fact that the girl was now only wearing her shirt - and she was beginning to unbutton that as well. Without thinking, I grabbed the closest thing I had thrown on the bed and flung it at the girl. The cape draped itself over her head, and she began to screech - flailing for a second before she too threw it down, this time on the floor.

She was pissed. She was yelling at me incessantly, and I was not in the mood to deal with her. Looking around, I spied my pack and my rifle by the table and I walked over to grab them so I could leave. However, I was stopped by the time I'd slung my pack over my shoulders, finding myself face to face with the peeved girl.

Wearing nothing but underwear. Without thinking - again, I yelped and turned away from her, grabbing my rifle so I could run to the door. When I got there, I saw the handle - an odd looking handle, and I realized it was probably locked. I was very tempted to either kick it down or bash the doorknob with the stock of my Garand. Neither of those were very subtle - then again, the girl screaming at me from behind me wasn't going to let me sneak away quietly.

I needed to get the hell out of here. I needed to locate my squadmates and push to the next objective. That was what one side of my head was telling me, at least. The other was telling me that I was nowhere near any of my team - and that I was probably somewhere else entirely. I didn't know whether to believe the second part of my brain, but I wouldn't be able to find any answers in this room. I needed to leave and-

I was cut off by an explosion, and I was thrown against the door violently. As I slammed into the ground, my body aching from the explosion, I saw that the door still stood strong. Well, there went the idea of smashing it open. If my entire body weight did nothing, what good would a boot or a rifle butt do? Maybe if I shot the doorknob...

"Get up! I command you to quit lazing around like a stupid dog and get to work!"

My anger flared. I'd just about had it with this bitch - burning me alive with some kiss and yelling at me? I was lost and alone here, I didn't need this ruining my situation more. "Would you fucking shut up!?" I found myself yelling.

The girl froze at once. "I...I understood that," she said. I blinked before realizing I'd actually understood her former words. "Say something."

I stood up, brushing myself off of any soot before looking at the girl - now wearing a nightie, which was somewhat better than just a bra and panties. Much less awkward to look at. "Would you quit insulting me?" I finally asked.

The girl blinked before sighing. "Another failure..." she growled to herself. "I meant to cast a spell of immobilization. I didn't need you tearing up the room-"

"Spell? Hold on, what the fuck do you mean by that?" I asked, waving a hand and cutting her off before she could keep complaining. "You mean magic? Like...hocus pocus bullshit?"

"I don't know what you just said, but yes," the girl said. "What's your name?"

I almost rattled off my whole rank first, before realizing that this snobbish girl likely wouldn't care at all. "...Brenner," I finally said.

"Just Brenner? You don't have a last name?" the girl asked.

"That is my last name. I ain't telling you my first," I said as I sat on the nearby chair, plopping my sack on the table and my rifle against my leg, searching what I had to see what I'd brought with me.

"Well, what's your age? I at least need to know that my familiar isn't a creepy old geezer," the girl said, moving on from the name.

"I'm-" I was about to say I was twenty two before I sighed. No need to fake my age here, the Army wouldn't send me back if they were even here at all. I'd been one of many to fake their age to enlist, and I was one of the few in my regiment to get away with it.

"I'm eighteen," I said, having joined the Army a year and a half ago, passing the rushed thirteen to fourteen week training process before being sent in to reinforce other regiments in Europe to fight off the Germans.

"You look twice that age," the girl scoffed. I sighed, reminding myself to clean myself up when I had the chance to do so. "Well then, since I now know your name, I suppose I will have to introduce myself. My name is Françoise Louise Le Blanc de La Vallière."

"So French?" I asked, once I'd heard the name. It sounded French. Though the very furrowed eyebrows of the girl suggested otherwise. "Never mind." I decided to push the thought out of my mind and actually get started on searching my belongings.

Unsurprisingly, it was everything I was supposed to carry. A rag, several K-ration packs, a bunch of extra Garand clips, my maintenance kit for said Garand, my E-tool - which was just a compact heavy duty shovel, a blanket roll, and several 8 round magazines for my 1911.

Instinctively, my hand fell to my waist - and I sighed in relief, feeling the leather holster for my solid steel sidearm resting against my thigh. My belt was also full - my water canteen, ammo pouches, my 21.5 inch 1942 bayonet in its M3 scabbard, and my first aid kit. My suspenders had three Mk II hand grenades one on strap, with three M18 smoke grenades on the other.

"What are those?" the girl - Louise - asked, finally speaking up. I turned to see that she was eyeing my belongings with curiosity. I wasn't about to give them up or answer any of her questions after she was being so bitchy. "My belongings," I said. "For...work."

"A soldier?" Louise asked as she pointed to my Garand. "That's a gun, is it not?"

"...yeah," I said. "I'm a soldier. At least, where I'm from."

"And where are you from?" Louise asked.

"America. Though I'm supposed to be in Europe right now," I muttered as I pulled everything back into my pack, latching it shut.

"What are those? Are you making those up?" Louise asked. "Hmmph, of course my familiar is an uneducated brat."

"...alright, I'm out," I said, grabbing my Garand and quickly pulling my pack over my shoulders as I went to the door. "How do I unlock this..."

"Hey, you sit down right now! You aren't done dressing me for sleep!" Louise barked, just as I finally reached and grabbed the handle. It was one of those fancy handles that looked like a trigger, and I pulled at it, expecting to hear some sort of click, but instead the door gave way almost immediately.

Huh. It wasn't locked. At once, I ran out and slammed the door behind me, Louise's screeches of anger being heard. But I was long gone down the hallway, practically jumping down the stairs as I worked on finding my way out of this godforsaken building.

Next floor down - I came across a blonde boy and a brunette girl in the hallway, seemingly flirting with each other. "Excuse me, coming through!" I shouted as I bolted past, running down the next set of stairs I could find.

I would find that Louise's room was on the third floor, because once I made my way down the next level, only to find that weird pink haired girl sitting at a fountain with a teen boy with short brown hair and bushy eyebrows. I didn't stop to talk to them however - I found the door leading to the outside world right next to them.

I ran out the door like there was a halftrack chasing me with the intention of running me down. It was indeed nighttime, and I was free. I would just have to find some ladder or stairs over the walls, or maybe a gate where I could leave-

My feet left the ground.

"Shit."

It took me two minutes to run down the tower to freedom. And it took me one minute to find myself back in Louise's room.