Hi, Melanie I guess that depends on your definition of stupid. I hope you stick around. It's only 11 chapters in total.
Every day, Street itches to call or text Chris and ask how she is doing, but he heeds Tan's advice and stays away. He tells himself she will come to him when she is ready. Then a few days later, when he is in a rush to find Hondo with some fresh leads, he found in their current case it happens.
He is about to sprint past Dr. Wendy's door when Chris steps out of the room and almost collides headfirst with his chest.
He steadies her with his hands and stares at Chris in wonder before her wide eyes bring back the memory of his last attempt to hold her. In an instant, Street's hands are clamped to his sides, but he still tries for a crooked smile. "Hey,"
Chris shuffles a bit uncomfortably and looks almost a bit caught. Her tone of voice is distant and a bit cold, but she gives a "Hey" and a "Sorry about that" back.
"Don't worry about it. I shouldn't run up here," he laughs and scratches his neck. Street moves with Chris in the direction of the stairs when she starts walking. He just wants to be close to her and use this moment to talk.
"How are you?" he asks quietly.
His eyes are on her the whole time, and he can spot the frown. "I am trying here," he sighs.
"I want to help you," Street adds when Chris stays silent. She seems to be fighting with something inside her.
"You can't help," is her curt reply, and she turns to walk away, but this time his hand shoots out.
"Why? Chris please, just let me help you," he all but begs her now.
"Can you turn back time and take back what you said? Can you just make me forget?" she presses out, and he is sure there is more than anger in her expression. There is a sadness, a sadness he feels rising in himself now.
A sharp pain in his heart, and his reply just falls out of his mouth.
"No, I can't do that. And even if I could take it back…. I wouldn't,"
By now, Chris is glaring at him dangerously, but he wants to finish his thought. He wants to tell her he would never lie to her, but Chris interrupts him and derails his every move.
"You're impossible. How can you say that? Erika died, and you just said you wouldn't change that if you could," Chris's voice is low and dangerous, and she pokes her finger against his chest and drives the virtual dagger just deeper inside the crack in his heart.
After she is finished with her sentence, Chris just rushes out, and Street barely makes it to the locker room before his legs give out. He frantically wipes his face with his hands in a vain attempt to wipe away the haunted thoughts that suddenly have reemerged.
He pulls up his legs and all but rolls up into a ball in front of the row of lockers. Street's thoughts just bring him back to that moment outside that house when Chris was furiously trying to revive Erika. And he is hit again and again with the immense guilt of feeling relieved it wasn't Chris.
"Street?" a voice he recognizes as Tan suddenly breaks through the fog in his head. He flinches a bit at the touch to his shoulder. But he realizes that his friend is shaking him. "Hey, what's going on?"
Tan is now crouching in front of him, and Street can only lift his head and mouth her name. Tan checks his watch. "We're off in a few minutes. Where did you leave the file?"
Street points to the bench and tries to get up. Tan offers a hand, but instead of handing over the file he picked up, he instructs Street: "Get changed. We're hanging out after shift. You look like you could use some company."
The tone tells Street there is no argument that would change his friend's mind, and if he is being completely honest, he could use a friend right now.
While Tan gets the file where it needs to be, Street slowly starts to change. He is already trying to figure out how to get out of hanging out with Tan. He isn't exactly up for a crowd. He'd much prefer just curling up at home and beating himself up. Or shake Chris until she finally lets him help.
"You ready?" Tan walks back in, seeing Street kick his locker shut.
"Listen," Street starts, but Tan immediately shakes his head. "Uh, uh, you're stuck with me. And you're not driving anywhere in this state either. You didn't even hear me the first three times I asked."
Street stares at his friend, confused, and finally, it clicks. Tan had changed clothes, too. Wow, I really was out of it.
"Just no huge crowds. I am not in the mood," he defers and follows Tan out.
About half an hour later, Tan pulls into an almost empty parking lot outside an Alhambra boxing gym.
"What are we doing here?" Street turns in the passenger seat, slightly confused. "If you still wanted to train, we could've stayed at HQ…"
"We're not here for me," Tan smiles encouragingly and pushes his door open. "Come on, you gotta work this out, and I have a feeling drinking won't help, so exhaustion it is,"
Tan taps the roof of his car twice, and Street reluctantly steps out of the car. He still isn't sure what his friend has planned, but it's getting clearer when he finds himself in the ring mere minutes later with gloves on.
"So, now tell me, what happened?" Tan asks and motions for him to start hitting the pads on Tan's hands.
Street hesitates and taps the pad lightly at first. "I ran into Chris upstairs," he huffs out, moving his hands quicker. Tan nods and motions for him to go on. "She came out of Wendy's office, and so I asked how she was doing,"
"So she is finally coming around," Tan remarks before flinching at catching a rather hard swing.
"Maybe," Street admits. "I asked what I could do to help," he continues and lightly bounces on his feet to work against the rising anger. "And she tells me I can't do anything," the punch gets harder, and the final one almost gets Tan in the face, but his buddy ducks just in time.
"Okay, I think this is not the right setting. I'd like to keep my nose intact," Tan chuckles, but his expression is serious. He pulls out two water bottles, twists them open, and holds one out.
"Did she say why you can't help?" he tilts his head and rolls his shoulders.
"You remember when I told you I told her how I feel?" Street plops to the ground and looks up. "Yeah, I guessed already that Chris was why you and Molly didn't work out. You told her that?" Tan sounds surprised and shocked. "Not in so many words, but you have to understand I had to tell her that night. That day, the funeral and everything…" Street rambles out and only stops hearing Tan's surprised gasp.
"Didn't you…" his friend starts, but Tan stops when Street holds up his hand. "Believe me, Chris yelled at me for that already. And I know I was an ass… I just. I had to."
He knows it's not an explanation, but Tan sits down next to him. "I can't say I fully understand, but I do know that I wanted to see and hug Bonnie after that day so bad, so I can partly see your point. Losing Erika was hard on all of us. Especially Chris,"
Street can't help but flinch at the mention of Erika. He presses his eyes shut.
"Everything okay?" Tan taps his leg twice. "Ah, I guess I should tell you everything, and maybe that explains why Chris is so mad at me right now. She asked me if I would take back what I said. And I said no," he swallows and barely can look his friend in the eyes.
"I, when I saw Chris that day, reviving Erika…. I" he has to swallow against the guilt again. "All I could feel was relief. Relief it wasn't her."
Street slumps forward and waits for Tan to react.
They both sit in silence for a good while. "I don't know what to say," Tan finally admits, "but I would advise giving her space. Chris has a lot of work to do, and if she sees Wendy, she is on the way to keep her job and her opportunity to go to Germany."
"I just wish she would let me help her," Street sighs.
"You can't force her. And my best guess is being too pushy will only backfire," Tan pushes off the floor and holds out his hand. "Come on, I need some food and probably a drink."
"And here I thought you wanted to keep me company," Street laughs mock-offended, but they still change again and enjoy a burger and some drinks together. Although both stay with soft drinks and their conversation turns to safer topics, Street feels better walking back into the house, especially since Tan promised to keep reaching out and keeping tabs on Chris.