Hello! Enjoy! Stats on this site are kinda buggered atm, so as far as I know NO ONE is reading right now lol, so I'm gonna go ahead and assume it's still just an ongoing glitch? I'd appreciate anyone popping up a review even simply to say "we're seeing the chapters" or something though haha, as I have no idea what's working or not on here anymore. Functional site, eh? I also use AO3, I dunno if notifications work any better on there... Anyway, shall continue to upload here due to the reading offline feature. Just wish this site wasn't so glitchy. Anyway, happy reading!

I woke in Hanji's office. Seemed that I was completely out of it when we got back; Levi managed to carry me into HQ, up the stairs and lay me on the sofa without me so much as twitching. It had been another two hours after that, the sun was nearly set, and steam rose from their cups. At least he hadn't taken me to my room – I wanted to let Hanji know what was going on, so we could start planning how to deal with the control. And with me.

Sipping my tea, I could already see Hanji had extensive notes in front of her. I trusted them to have been thorough, but even so, I made sure no details had been skimmed over or softened, and other than the fact I had managed to cause some damage when attacking Eren in the safehouse, and managed to make a small tear in Levi's shirt with the blade I was using, it all matched. She noted the extra details. Levi clenched his jaw, but didn't object otherwise. Maybe it had slipped his mind – after all it didn't make a hell of a lot of sense to soften the blow like that. Hanji had to be prepared. They all did. If the White Cloaks had the phrasing like Kenny had said, it was only going to be a matter of time before they started using it. Using their puppet.

The tea steamed, gradually cooling between my pale hands. Levi and Hanji spoke around me, their voices warbling with the occasional rise or fall. It was an intense discussion.

Levi kept glancing to me. It was an attempt at subtle, but I knew him too well now. He was scared. And I understood that. But how much of that fear was of me or for me, remained to be seen. He would deny fearing me, of course. But there would be an element of that there, he was too logical for anything else. I'd brandished a blade at him. Swiped at him. Drawn blood. He would automatically be wary, even if he knew it wasn't really me doing the attacking. Just this puppet body of mine. Even though I knew all that though, I couldn't meet his gaze. Not since I had fallen asleep with that resounding sense of 'you need to get away from them'. I wouldn't give up, no. But already it felt like a risk to not at least hold them all at arms length. He would understand that, wouldn't he? Surely. Even though it hadn't come to much beyond a scratch on his arm, and a small tear to his shirt, I couldn't stand to even think of what I might have managed to do if he hadn't seen it coming. That blade had been far too close to striking his heart. I guess I had some understanding of how he felt inside that dream, and in the moment he thought he had successfully poisoned me. Except I hadn't even managed it. How had he not lost his mind?

Then there was quiet.

The tea had gone cold.

Levi took my barely touched tea away. My hands clenched and I glanced up, finding them both watching expectantly. I swallowed. Had they asked me a question? I had no clue. The noise in my head had drowned it all out. Trying to find something solid to hold onto, other than my own panic.

Still they watched.

I cleared my throat. "Um... Sorry, what?"

They both sighed.

Oh dear, not the right response.

"Don't shut down, Kiddo." Hanji smiled and came over to kneel before me, gently touching my cheek. Too tender. "We'll figure this out. You know how I love a puzzle."

"And if we can't?" I asked, still unable to meet her eye.

They both paused.

Still they didn't want to think about it, and frankly I didn't blame them. When the roles were reversed I only wanted to think the best of Levi. To assume his innocence. To help him come back to us. But even with that in mind, I had to remind them it wasn't the same. Levi had been conditioned, yes, but at least we could figure out why. He only attacked me, he'd only been conditioned to suspect me. Everyone else had been safe. In this case, I seemed to be a wild canon, able to be aimed at anyone. How could we even hope to fight that?

"There are ways to deal with this." Hanji continued, undeterred. "All we need to do is tread lightly."

I was cold all over.

Dread pooled in my gut. Her caution wasn't borne of compassion, instead it came from anxiety. She had no theories, no plans. Hanji was stumped. Hanji was never stumped before, not in all my years of knowing her. Shit. My hands shook. This was new territory, a new enemy. Me.

She pushed her glasses up her nose. "Maybe we could start with–"

"I should stay in a cell f-for now."

"Robyn..." She looked unsure.

"At least, until we know what we're dealing with." I added with a small smile, gladly taking her hands when she tried to take mine. I squeezed. "For everyone's peace-of-mind, especially my own. I just want you guys safe."

"If that's what you want." Levi nodded, arms folded, but expression calm.

In all honesty, I expected him to fight me on it, to object to my attitude. But I found only empathy, and understanding. He knew this feeling, this sensation of not being in control of your own body. It was a relief not to have to fight on it, but now I worried for what he might already know, but didn't want to tell me. Did he know how much, during the command from Kenny, I wanted him to die? How good it felt to obey? Had it been the same for him? An unsaid shame? Perhaps. And then perhaps he was hoping it was different for me, so he wouldn't have to admit it. Maybe. Or maybe I just needed to talk to him. If nothing else, we could always talk.

"Can I go down there now?" I asked, and Hanji nodded but continued to look unkeen. "I just... I'd like to lie down. I slept a long time I know but really I just feel spent. The fevers gone though… just… yeah, just tired." I swallowed hard.

"Sure thing. You go rest up. We'll come up with a couple ideas for helping you through this. I'll have a guard stay nearby, so if you need anything just yell, okay? You're not a prisoner." Hanji smiled and I returned it as best I could.

Levi offered his arm and I took it, the guilt already bubbling in my mind at holding so tight.

After a couple corridors in silence, I gave his arm a small squeeze. "How's the cut feeling?"

"Absolutely fine," he held it up, bandaged now and no blood having seeped through. "Barely a flesh wound, I assure you." He gave a smirk, but his jaw remained tight. His head had to be noisy – he would want to comfort me, but having been in the thick of this himself, he couldn't stand to lie to me either.

We headed for the cells.

The door came into view. The last time I had been there, it had been to visit Levi, to free him. To break his chains and bring him back into light. And now? Now I was burying myself, in order to keep them safe. My family. The door opened, creaking in a horribly nostalgic way. I was right back there, to the Kitchen, staring down into the basement where things scuttled in the dark and damp crept up the walls. Where the sound of a fire crackling snapped that bit louder. The cold bit that bit deeper. And yet, this time I was going down into those depths by my choice. My plan. I held onto that idea, doing my best not to think of how tightly Vincent's strings were also dragging me down each step.

As soon as the stink of rust hit my nose, I unintentionally held onto Levi tighter. "When you uh… When you were still under their control, did you get much sleep?"

He laid his hand on top of mine. "Not much, but your conditioning doesn't seem to be an all-the-time thing, right?"

"Right."

"You're not out of control like I was, not until someone uses those damned words. We'll keep you safe." He unlocked the cell and went inside to organise it. Then of course he insisted on giving it a fresh clean, and asked the guard to source fresh bedding and a few candles. Like he was preparing an Inn's room or something.

I was about to head inside when he held me back, his grip firm but gentle on my arm. He waited, but I didn't bring my eyes up from my boots. He waited some more. I managed as far as his bandage. The one I was responsible for. Yet there he was, ensuring this fucking troublesome brat was comfortable. I swallowed hard and hoped he left before my eyes got any warmer.

"Look at me, Robyn." He squeezed gently.

It took a moment, but I did.

He raised his brows, apparently not having expected such a blank response. I wanted to talk to him, to spill it all from my head and make sense of it with him, but my mouth wasn't working. It was as if I were trying to interact with him through water. He's there but I couldn't quite reach him.

"Can I do anything? You know, other than reminding you that you're not alone." He gently touched my cheek, a frown appearing when he realised how hard I'm trembling. "Robyn please... Don't slip away from me, now."

"I d-don't want to..." I whispered, biting my lip. His thumb ran along my cheekbone. "But I don't want to hurt you, either."

"Without an order, I really don't think you will. But… I fully appreciate not trusting yourself." He leaned in and kissed my head, he had a few shivers of his own. "Have that lie-down, take some time to sort through those thoughts. I'll hash out a few ideas with Glasses. Call for the guard if you need anything." He lingered against my skin, but finally let me go, and locked the door without me having to ask. "I'll be back soon."

As the door had closed above, I lay down under the blankets once I'd pried off my boots. The bars were thick down here, rusted but strong. The walls were sturdy and easily capable of withholding anything my mad mind decided to attempt. It was secure. It kept them safe. But as I lay there in the quiet, listening to my own breathing and heartbeat, it was impossible not to feel it. Those strings. I'd spent so long running from them, and then being tangled up in them by Kenny and confused about it all… But now… in that quiet stillness I felt them. Coiled round my wrists. Biting into my ankles. Threading through my spine. Vincent's little puppet – all the running, hiding, fighting and training, all that struggling for what? To be their toy regardless.

The tears brewed.

"Shit…" I pulled the blanket over my head and tried to sleep.

LEVI POV

"No Hanji, leave her alone." Levi sat by the desk, rubbing his temples, having heard yet another fretful ramble from the commander as she failed to figure out what they were meant to do about Robyn's situation. At least, that was what Hanji kept calling it. 'Robyn's situation'. Like it was some kind of illness or injury, rather than the since childhood induced conditioning that had started to come to light. And that perhaps their enemies had the means of control. Yes, 'situation'.

Hanji retied her hair for the third time. "I'm just wanting to check on her!"

"I know, I know. But at least for a while, unless she wants it? No visits, no nothing. She needs solitude." He tried to explain it, but as that brown eye watched him he knew he wasn't getting away with that vagueness.

Hanji cleared her throat, folded her arms, and settled in. "Fine, no visiting Robyn. But Captain, care to share the insight you so clearly have into the matter? Come on, let me be on the same page at least."

"It isn't that I want you in the dark, but–"

"But nothing, mister, you spit it out right now or so help me I'll go sit next to her all night." Hanji snapped, maternal side flaring. "You saw the look in her eyes. Robyn's adrift. She needs us to help her keep a hold of herself."

"Don't you get it?" He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I just... Look, I know what's going on in her head. Or at least part of it."

"Then help me to." She pleaded.

He swallowed hard, the aches of his memories so close to hand. The echoes of terror. Of vulnerability. The horror as he realised what the conditioning had made him do, what it might still make him do. And the total powerlessness he had to prevent it. But Hanji had to know, even if he had to admit being so shaken still. "When they do this to you, when you know that they have control... You feel those strings cut into your wrists, your ankles, your spine. Fuck, it's like it's woven through every muscle. You're not sure you're doing anything by your own will."

"Levi..."

"It isn't your fault that you don't understand Hanji, fuck sake I'm glad you don't." He didn't bother looking up, he knew she looked at him with pity. It was kindly meant, but he didn't want to witness it regardless. He didn't feel he even deserved it. "But I've been there, or at least a version of it. There's still mornings where I wake up, and wonder if the control's come back. If I do something without thinking, was it me or them? But this... For Robyn it seems so far beyond that, like her whole life might have been at the end of a string."

Hanji sat and took off her glasses, she loosened her bolo tie and hung her head. Talking as friends rather than ranking officers. "All right, Levi, so I need a crash course. You're the closest to Robyn, likely closer than anyone else has ever been, except maybe Keza. I can figure out the nuts and bolts, but you know what's going on under that. I say she's adrift, and you seem against those words. Why? Help me understand."

He paced. It took another pot of tea, and probably a new trench in the rug in front of her desk, but eventually he found the words. "As soon as he tried to take control, Robyn fought like hell. In typical Robyn fashion, she would have let herself bleed out through her nose at one point, she was fighting so hard. But... As it went on, I saw it in her eyes..."

The fire faded. He saw it right before she was ordered to kill Levi, and ever since, the light hadn't quite returned. The shadows were leaching into everything. Like when she first woke from a nightmare; eyes full of panic and shadow, except now all the time. He had never been sure how to totally eradicate those shadows, and it seemed like he might finally have an answer for why. There was a reason she never forgot those flames, there was a reason she reacted so damned violently when she finally had the chance to kill her father. To hearing even fragments of the phrasing. To think... If Vincent had seen her coming, if he had managed to say the words when he was in line as a simple convict? Levi shuddered. Vincent could have broken out. The White Cloaks could have already had their weapon.

"Adrift isn't the right word." Levi's mouth felt dry. "When she's against something, Robyn rages out, she fights like hell, normally the problem is holding her crazy-ass back. But this? This isn't something she can rage against, not only is it a non-entity in her own head, but... It's like she's finally run out of breath."

"Run out of breath?" Hanji repeated, eyes wide with fear.

It had been ticking over in Levi's head the whole way back to base. Since they set off and rode back along that track, he kept looking to the back of the wagon, and felt it all slipping away. That fire. He asked her to stop fighting it in order to avoid her hurting herself, but now he feared it had gone too far the other way. That she saw fighting it as endangering them all. And that was the last thing she would ever do.

"This is what she was always running from, Hanji. Ever since she ran away from that burnt down house. She didn't know what it was, she thought it was just her past but... She ran so hard, for so fucking long. We've all accomplished so much together and yet… and yet..." He tried to swallow past the lump in his throat, his heart hammering against his ribs. He closed his eyes. Panic wouldn't help.

"Now the past is back stronger than ever." Hanji breathed.

Levi nodded, hands curling into fists. "Exactly. Like she's still his puppet."

Beyond having been forced to hurt Levi, Robyn knew it was because of Vincent's work. It broke inside her like glass under too much pressure. She knew now that she'd never really escaped Vincent.

Levi continued. "It's like it no longer matters that she killed him, that she kept that promise, that she learned to fight back. Those strings were around her the whole time, and the only fucking reason she was free for this long, was because no one knew the right words."

"Like it was all for nothing." Hanji summarised, her voice thick.

Levi passed her a handkerchief as he went to look out of the window. "They can just take it all away, put her in a box and use her up." The lump refused to budge from his throat, his eyes itching as he considered that kind of future for Robyn. Simply dragged out when the violence was required. Strings pulled tight. He braced against the window sill. "When they used me, it was for one reason, it was finite. You found the source and broke it, took it away, brought me home. But with Robyn… We have no idea what they intend. I mean, at least we know they can't use her as some sick Shifter breeding factory…" He was sick to his stomach to even consider that.

"Levi sit down, please, you look like you're gonna fall over." Hanji led him back to a seat and he didn't deny her.

He sat and hung his head back. "The worst part is…"

The words made his tongue heavy. His train-of-thought headed somewhere he sincerely wished it wouldn't.

Hanji sniffed. "Is what?"

"She'll see it as confirmation." As he said the words they sunk into his bones. "Confirmation that we're better off without her."

Hanji's tears fell. "B-But we're not!"

"I know that. You know that. But think about it, look at it from Robyn's point-of-view. She'll see it as a certainty. That's why I asked Mikasa to check in on her every half-hour. Though Kirtschtein demanded he be involved too... Idiot shouldn't be walking around so much with that bullet wound, but he insisted. They won't say anything to her, they won't ruin the solitude, but they're gonna ensure she isn't hurting herself."

Hanji shrugged off her jacket and undid her hair, going to the cabinet and getting two tumblers and something stronger than tea. As soldiers they had faced all manner of horror, yet more often than not, the most lethal thing of all, was their own heads.

"But Levi... Why leave her alone at all?"

"Because if we just sit there and watch her, it's no different to Vincent. No different to controlling her. I want to at least try and let her think her way through it. I'm still stupid enough to have the smallest shred of hope, that after everything, everything she helped me through, everything she waited for, that she might just want to fight a little longer." He huffed a bitter laugh, unsure where that ray of foolish optimism had come from. "I have to hope that. I have to trust that. To trust her."

"You have a lot of faith in her, don't you?" Hanji sniffed again. "Ugh, what a mess."

"I have faith in her stubbornness, of course." He smirked and watched the last rays of sunshine slip over the horizon. "She realised Vincent might have kept a journal, and I know Artlet's been making his way through those ramblings. There might be something there. But it always comes back to Robyn cracking that code. She knew Vincent, she knows her past. And… I know she's blocked plenty out, for good reason, but maybe something is back there. I have to hope that she can think back further, maybe find the answer in her own head. Find the key."

"Stubbornness. Perhaps her most glowing virtue." Hanji chuckled softly and wiped her eyes. "I guess we have to hope so at least."

"She's always been astonishing, I've known that for a long time. And I'm not willing to give up on that yet. If…" He snorted at his foolishness and drained the glass. "If ever."

"I suppose it's at least encouraging she managed to fight back a little?"

He nodded and set the glass on the table. "True. Like I said to Kenny, that showed the control wasn't absolute. But it wouldn't have held for much longer without her doing some real damage to herself. She's still weakened from it now."

He would give anything to see her light returned. The fire that had drawn him to her in the first place, that almost deranged stubbornness. But maybe they could find it again. Bit by bit. She had waited for him, helped him, of course he would do everything to do the same for her.

"But for now… I'm going to get some paperwork done, then I think I'll go see if she can maybe feel a bit human before dinner."

"What do you mean?" Hanji asked, smiling softly as she frowned.

"I think she'd like a bath… Wash away some of the doubts."

Hanji nodded. "You really do know her, huh?"

He headed for the door. "I'd be a fairly shit companion if I didn't."

"Companion?" She repeated with a wrinkle on her nose when he glanced back.

Levi rolled his eyes. "Well… I don't exactly know what to call it, do I?"

Hanji tilted her head. "I still have it, y'know? The ring–"

"I know." He gripped the door handle. "I… At some point we'll talk about it, but right now we just have to focus on now, don't we?"

"Ah. The future… Makes sense you'd be apprehensive."

He closed his eyes. "Understatement."

"All right, well good luck. If you can coax her out of the cells, I'd be grateful."

"I said I might know how to make her feel human, not sane." He headed out the door and rubbed his temples as he walked. It was all such a mess.

Cya next time!