Present Day

There wasn't anyone here Tess was letting loose, cracking her neck and fingers and wildly shaking her arms, alternating between breathing slow and letting it all out in a big rush, everything she could to try and release the anxiety building up inside her, only marginally successful because everything she got rid of was quickly replaced. Her team was coming today. Their plane had already landed and they were in a cab, two cabs on their way here, a progress she was tracking with a level of neuroticism that definitely wasn't healthy but Tess couldn't help herself. Because while they were coming to see her it was going to be Jay they focused on.

Mostly.

"You can't stop us from fighting."

"No one needs to fight. Or blame each other or anything like that. Everything worked out so everyone can just chill and let the past be the past." She stressed but Jay just shook his head where he was watching her pace in front of the bed, surprisingly awake considering it was two a.m.

Sweet boy had barely batted an eye when she'd woken him, though he had rubbed them.

"It doesn't work like that. You know that better than anyone."

"Well if I'm so smart you should all fucking listen to me."

He snorted but while there was an amused smile on his lips his eyes couldn't hide their sadness; might not be trying to actually, his new way of helping with her discomfort to lean into his own. Quite the role reversal. But some things were still the same, chiefly the way that after what had to have been at least a half hour of watching her wear a hole in the floor he finally came over, the feel of his hands on her arms instantly calming her. "I hurt them. And they hurt me and we're going to have to talk about that and those conversations are not going to be easy."

No, they would not be.

Their own hadn't been, still weren't but they were getting through them. And it wasn't that she didn't think they would, she just…

"This is happening-"

"Because of all of us." Jay said firmly, as strong in his conviction as his thumbs were gentle as they brushed her cheeks when he took her face. "Every single one of us is responsible for the decisions we made."

It's not on me, it's not on me.

It's not just on me.

"I just want everyone to be okay."

"We all do. And we're all responsible for that. And we're almost there. After this everything is going to be fine."

Everything was going to be fine.

Tess repeated it over and over, aloud and in her head but it was always his voice she heard, the only one that could drown out the whispers saying it wouldn't be. That she had caused a mess she couldn't clean up, that this was just the beginning of all the things that would go wrong as she tried to build a new life for herself. Because she was trying to.

Because she didn't deserve to.

But she did. She knew that, most of the time and one day soon she would feel it with the same conviction Jay did.

With the same conviction she gave to everyone else.

But first there were more hard conversations to be had. A heads up from Cas let her know her team was entering the building so she quickly gave herself one last good shake before finally slipping into her calm; it wasn't the true one, not the one Jay or any of them could bring out in her but rather the one the job had necessitated her being able to find at will. It wasn't as deep or as steady, and it didn't last as long but it always got the job done. And right now the job was being able to give her friends a real, genuine smile when the elevator doors slid open, one quick glance of all of them stood together, one strange jab that she wasn't with them before Adita shouldered her way out.

"Hello Devi." The young East Indian woman said with a warm but cheeky smile before she tackled her in a tight hug, her familiar spicy scent easing more of her tension, though the nickname was both a comfort and an ache.

It was the Hindu word for goddess which was of course flattering, and not the first time that comparison had been drawn; some had compared her to Kali, the Hindu goddess of creation and destruction, a parallel she'd often made herself but not Adi. From the moment she'd met her, a very memorable introduction where she and David had saved the young hackers life after her extracurricular activities put her on some very bad peoples radars she'd thought she resembled Durga, a supreme goddess of the religion known as the divine mother, a guardian and warrior responsible for protecting law and righteousness. Also an understandable comparison. That she had been created when the male gods realized they were unable to vanquish a demon on their own, and of their making, was the proverbial icing on the cake.

It was also a lot of responsibility but her arms were strong.

And these people had always shared the burden with her, at least when she'd allowed them to.

"Miss you." David whispered as he took his turn to greet her, his dark eyes no doubt catching the faint circles under hers but accepting their presence in favour of her steady nod and soft smile.

Just as Nysa and Michael did when they gave her quick but tight embraces, Nysa with a featherlight but always lingering kiss on her cheek and Michael with a solid hand on the back of her head, their own gazes full of trusting but still concerned love. Tess had been keeping them all in the loop, she'd learned her lesson on how empty her life became without them, on who she became but it was one thing to hear about everything that had been happening and another to see its effects; the reason she'd gone to the spa as soon as she'd gotten word they were on their way, trying to look as rested and relaxed as possible. She and Jay had gotten home from Cuba three weeks ago and thankfully they'd been quiet ones, for them anyway, Intelligence had had a couple cases in that time but it had been a while since she'd given herself a real break.

Not quite too long yet but getting close.

Bands of chocolate steel wrapping around her pulled her out of her head and she couldn't help but laugh as John lifted her up, her gentle giant always so good at it. No words were needed, just two tight squeezes to say they were glad the other was safe and that they loved and missed each other and then she was down again, trying so hard to hold onto that feeling as she turned to the two remaining members of their family.

"Long time no see." Coulson quipped as he stepped forward, usually the last to greet anyone but not this time.

This time it was Vivienne holding back, not out of a lack of love but an abundance of anger.

"Where's he hiding?" The redhead drawled as she finally gave her a hug, huffing in her ear at her response.

"He's at work you viper."

"Well we know how important it is to him."

"Ha!" Adita said loudly, grinning as she pointed from Viv to David and back again. "I told you she would make a snarky comment within the first two minutes."

"She wasn't supposed to." John added with a pointed look, taking his bag down the hall to their rooms as her friend rolled her eyes and followed.

That plus the lack of a comeback was further proof she'd been told to be on her best behaviour, something they all knew could only last so long and as everyone spread out, Nysa slinging an arm over her shoulder as she led her to the couch that weight got heavier, as did the twisting in her gut. The two newest members of their team, new meaning six and four years respectively had never met Jay, nor seen the darkest side of her but they'd heard all the stories and while they had their own opinions she knew it wouldn't take them long to warm up to him, just like she knew John, Michael and Nysa would find their time to accept his apologies and offer their own, just as Coulson had. But Vivienne… she might be willing to ignore how his absence had hurt her personally but she knew more than any of the others what losing him had done to Tess.

And no one held a grudge like a best friend.

"I'm telling you, he had the fattest stomach I have ever seen! He bounced John clear across the room!" Adita exclaimed with a bright laugh, not at all bothered by or even noticing the perturbed look the subject of her story gave her.

"It was not that far."

"It was pretty far." Michael cut in with a wry smile, the others likewise laughing when their friend just shook his head but the soft flush on his cheeks made it clear his embarrassment was founded, an image she was going to enjoy conjuring whenever she needed a good laugh.

It was still weird to think she hadn't been there, they hadn't always done their missions together, especially the last five, hell the last seven years but she'd still been out doing her own so the distance hadn't seemed so wide. Not after a while anyway. But to be the one who stayed home… that was a very different feeling.

This was what Jay had felt, or something close to it. And that was an understanding she was glad to have, that she knew she and more importantly he deserved her to have it was just… strange. And it wasn't just her who felt that way. Tess was making a conscious effort to not keep track of how many times she'd caught each of them sneaking peeks at her but suffice to say in the few hours they'd been catching up it had been a lot; it was a bizarre combination of the comfort of their familiar bonds and an unease at this foreign situation, something no one was quite sure how to navigate. Another storm she'd thrown them into. And like the last one they were looking to her to see how they should set their sails, to gauge how rough and unpredictable it would be, no real danger this time, not the physical kind anyway but the damage that could be done if this didn't go well… It wouldn't just be long lasting it could be irreversible. They'd never make her choose, not any of them but spending the rest of her life trying to manage all these relationships and interactions did not sound pleasant. And even though that wasn't her responsibility, as every one of them would tell her she would still carry the burden. She was already. Especially because now they were here she was also putting a considerable effort into not looking at her phone to see when Jay would arrive, an urge she had to fight while simultaneously making it look like she wasn't which might've been successful on the surface but all of them knew her well enough to know her anxieties.

And loved her enough to try and soothe them.

"You know this is all going to be okay, right?" David whispered to her a little while later, after Vivienne and Adita had moved into the kitchen to grab snacks, the others in quiet conversations of their own.

That was the great thing about having a living room this big- it was hard to eavesdrop.

"I mean we all know it's going to be awkward but I don't actually think she'll try to kill him."

"I am not so sure."

He opened his mouth then made a face and shut it, remembering who they were talking about, then shot her a grin instead. "Okay she might. But the rest of us won't let her. And we won't try to hurt him."

That was definitely something.

"What do you think of him?" Tess asked quietly, taking a break from fiddling with her tea to meet his stare, watching his face as he thought her question over, surprised to find not a trace of judgment, though she shouldn't have been.

David was the most easy going of their team, probably because unlike the rest of them he didn't have a deep, violent well of darkness inside him.

He was like Jay like that.

"I think he's a good guy who made a choice he thought he could live with. And I think like anyone in some ways he regrets that and in some he doesn't. I know I'm excited to get to know him."

"Do you know I love you?"

"Oh yeah, I'm awesome." He said with a grin, one that grew when she laughed, seven other heads turning at the sound, seven other faces relaxing.

Eight.

Movement at the very edges of her vision caught her attention and she turned with everyone else to see Jay had just stepped off the elevator, some tightness still around his mouth and eyes but the smile he was giving her, and David, was very bright. And very soft.

Everyone could see how hard it was for him to stay that way but he did his best, with a questioning half quirk of his brow as he approached the couch that smoothed out when she stretched up, the same nerves that ran through all of them soothed in at least them when their lips met in a quick kiss. A tad too quick for her but she could get the comfort she was craving later, when they were alone. For now there were introductions to be made, the first of which he did after he straightened, reaching out his hand to the man next to her.

"Hey. I'm Jay."

Her friend gave him a kind smile, shooting her one too as he shook it. "David. Nice to meet you."

"You too." Jay said with an equally warm but still nervous look, one that grew when Nysa stood and began to make her way over.

No one said anything but they were all laser focused on the Israeli woman, uncertain what she was going to do when she reached him. Except Tess. Vivienne was her best friend, her sister from the moment they'd met but Nysa… the respect and admiration had been there, on both ends but that relationship had required more time to see their commonalities, more nurturing to overcome their differences, but they had. So she wasn't the least bit surprised when the deadly but still gentle woman embraced him. Jay was the most stunned, he went rigid but only for a couple seconds, as long as it took him to realize she was doing what he thought she was and then he sank into her, more than anyone, especially her might have expected him to. Still they only held it for a few seconds, long enough for a few whispers and then they pulled back.

Just in time for Michael to take her place, not with a hug but a firm handshake, a respectful promise of conversations to come, just like John's, Coulson's less so since they'd already spoken. She'd asked each of them to tell her about it, a recap that had only varied in tone; Coulson seemed completely settled, aware trust needed to be rebuilt but ready and looking forward to the work. And Jay had too but there was still a lot of guilt in him, too much, something she was hoping this would change.

But not yet.

Jay looked a lot more steady when he turned to the other side of the room but that wavered when he saw Vivienne, for a lot longer than a few seconds but eventually he gave her a slow, low dip of his chin. "Viv."

"Dickless."

Adita laughed, loudly, as Vivienne grabbed her chips and headed back to the couch, to one of the chairs, the east Indian woman looking between them with a wide grin while the others shook their heads. "This is going to be fun."

"I'm sorry."

Tess wasn't the only one who startled but while she knew Jay was speaking of her he wasn't speaking to her. He wasn't even looking at her. His attention was locked on Vivienne who just blinked, not even angry, just a complete lack of care but though she knew that would hurt him he didn't let it faze him. He slowly looked from her to Michael, to Nysa and John, to Coulson, David and Adita and then finally to her, such a sweet, tortured look that twisting in her gut felt like it was going to snap.

"You trusted me to have her back and I let her down. I let all of you down and I don't have a good reason for it. All I have is my word that I won't do it again. And that I'll do whatever it takes to earn your trust back."

For a long, long moment there was silence and then-

"Ooh, now I see where the stud thing comes from." Adita said slowly, cocking her head at him before she turned to the rest, all of whom returned her grin except for one whose face, though briefly, finally went dark with fury.

Yup.

No one held a grudge like a best friend.