Sometimes Mayu felt like she was dreaming. That their return back with Mio was a lie and she was still waiting for her sister under the temple near Hellish Abyss. In happy anticipation of her arms around neck. She didn't know why. Until a month ago, she could have justified it with the fact that this way they could always be together.
The twins stood under the visor outside the bus stop. It was raining. It wasn't that far from home. Mio could probably make it without getting too wet, but Mayu couldn't. Not with her foot.
"I'm sorry… If it wasn't for me, then…" the older sister said regretfully.
"Forget it. I won't leave you behind." Pronounced Mio in a confident tone that had no room for doubt. If smiles could disperse clouds, she had one so bright that there wouldn't be a cloud left in the sky. Mayu had never doubted her sister.
Not anymore.
Now Amakura believed their promise was unbreakable. The fear that languished her soul gave way to something else.
But it wasn't calm.
A familiar car pulled up to the bus stop. Their uncle was driving.
"What a downpour," Kei whistled. "I was getting worried."
"You could've gotten here earlier," Mio grumbled back angrily. This kind of socializing was the order of the day for them, even if their uncle jokingly lamented that kids didn't have respect for their elders. After that, the twins got into the car. Mayu was the first to get into the backseat, after which her younger sister got in after her. Although it may not be missed at first glance, Mio was a little less wet than the older twin. Mayu, on the other hand, felt a pain in her right knee from the sudden movements. She tried not to let it show, but she could tell by the look in Mio and Kei's eyes that they had noticed everything
It was a longing.
Mayu dreamed that she was lying on the altar. She couldn't move a single part of her body. There was no Mio, Sae, or anyone else besides the Mourners nearby. All the girl felt was a grave chill. Finally, the ghostly figures approached her and lifted her body with their corporeal fingers.
Mayu wanted to scream, to panic, to do something. She was no longer anxious to die, and certainly not alone!
But there was nothing she could do. Terrified Amakura was trapped in her own flesh. Like a butterfly that can't get out of its own cocoon.
But before she resigned herself to her fate and fell into the Abyss, the twin noticed a lone figure standing apart from the other ghosts. She seemed more alive than the other spirits, but that made her seem even more unreal and wrong. She then smiled, two transparent wings appeared behind her back, and took off, laughing happily, shapeshifting into a butterfly.
The figure looked just like Mayu.
The rain continued the next day, only getting heavier. Luckily it was a day off, and the sisters could afford to stay at home. The comfort of home was incomparably nicer than the damp and cold wind.
Mayu's leg ached more than yesterday and the movement required the girl to endure the pain. This was nothing new to her. Every day she had to put up with this kind of sensation, but as the injury healed with age, Amakura timidly hoped that though it would never completely go away, the girl would eventually stop paying attention to it. But this time, the limb was aching so badly that the twin was afraid to make a sound without making the others worry.
Returning to the living room with a cup of tea, Mayu couldn't help but hate herself even more. Why did her stupid jump off the ravine have to disfigure her right leg? Why had she been startled by a silly childish tease that meant nothing? Why did she doubt her sister? Why was she now trapped in this body? Why?!
The twin stopped near the window to give herself some respite to deal with the pain. Nearby, Mio was sitting in a chair reading a book about the rituals of the Minakami district. The clatter of raindrops outside the window grew stronger and stronger. Giving in to the urge, Mayu touched the window.
"Isn't it the same cocoon here as in the dream? We can't get out of it and are locked in here...'' the girl thought melancholically. She herself didn't fully understand what had led her to these conclusions, but they seemed right.
"Do you regret us leaving there?" asked Mio to her. Her tone wasn't accusatory or worried, more like just interested. But it still managed to make Mayu nervous. She remained silent. Mio, however, continued, "Would you want to do the ritual if you had the chance?"
Mayu didn't understand why Mio was asking her such questions and why it was scaring her so much. They would be together no matter what happened, so why was the thought of going back to the cave to the Hell Abyss so appealing?
"I don't know..." the girl said uncertainty.
"I knew it," meeting her sister's eyes, Mio said resentfully. "You still don't believe me, Mayu."
"That's not the point!"
"Then what is it about?"
Amakura herself didn't know how to answer that question. She didn't want to admit it, but her thoughts kept coming back to that very moment with a strange disappointment. Not at Mio, her sister had dispelled her worries. But there was still the feeling that Mayu should have gotten something more than the assurance that they would always be together.
"I'm sorry that even now you can't be honest with me," Mio whispered sadly and, closing her book, started to leave the room.
That sentence alone made the girl forget about the pain and take her sister's hands in hers, walking up to her as fast as she could.
"I never doubted you or our promise. Not now."
The unexpected seriousness and certainty of Mayu's words made Mio confused, but after a couple seconds, she smiled uncertainly.
"Thank you."
Mayu dreamed again of the cave beneath the village. Again the ghosts. Again her body lay lifeless on the altar.
Only she was watching from the sidelines.
Amakura stood not far from "herself", invisible to the other spirits. She felt rather strange, as if her very existence here was not fully realized. It was as if a projection of her thoughts had taken shape, like the science fiction movies Kei and Mio liked to watch. Right now, looking at her body, the twin had only one thought running through her head.
Ugly.
All Mayu felt when looking at her body was disgust. It looked so helpless and pathetic. So... Broken. Like a toy that had been ruined as a child long ago. Only she lived inside that toy.
She shouldn't be like this.
Mayu knew that. Even if the twin realized that she could never compare to Mio, the girl remembered a time when she was normal.
Before her selfish fall.
For a moment, Amakura was tempted to throw that shame into the Hellish Abyss herself, but even if she were sure she could touch it, the twin might just not have the strength. Let the ghosts of the village make that sacrifice themselves.
So Mayu turned around and walked outside.
And it was surprisingly easy.
Mayu could hardly remember the last time she had moved without pain. She'd forgotten what it was like not to feel her brittle bones stretching painfully with every step. What it was like to just walk. To enjoy walking.
For a moment, Amakura had a stray thought. And she ran. Ran through the caves in a way she never could before. And all the while, the girl smiled and laughed like the happiest people did.
No. It was even better than just walking.
It was freedom.
With each step, the twin began to notice that she was lifting slightly off the ground. Waves of heat coursed through her ghostly body. It seemed just a little more and something amazing would happen.
Mayu woke up.
The next week the weather settled down. Even though it hadn't been a problem before, since Kei could always give them a ride in the car, it was much nicer not to have to walk to school in a downpour.
"You know, so much coffee can be bad for your health," Mio said thoughtfully at the end of the school day.
"And without coffee, I'll just collapse on the road from lack of sleep," replied Mayu tiredly, finishing her third mug of coffee of the day. For the past day, the girl had not woken up well, as if she had gone to bed much later than she should have. No one in the family could explain why: her sisters went to bed at the same time and none of them suffered from insomnia. Amakura herself felt inexplicably disappointed every morning when she woke up, but she couldn't understand why. At the same time, every attempt to remember at least something from her dreams turned to failure, except for the fact that they were more marvelous than the sad reality.
So Mayu turned to the only thing that would keep her out of bed: caffeine. A lot of caffeine.
"Hey, Amakura sisters!" a taller girl ran up to the twins.
"What's up, Ichiji?" greeted Mio to her familiar high school girlfriend, whose name seemed to be Itsuka. Mayu didn't really bother to memorize the names of even her classmates, figuring that just Mio would be enough for her. At one time, the twin even hated the thought of sharing their time with her sister with anyone else outside the family, believing they would steal it from her. It had been an awkward period. But now Mayu had matured, at least she hoped so, and the experience in the village made such thoughts disappear forever. So it was only right that the girl bother to memorize the names of at least her sister's friends, right?
"Listen, our theater club is rehearsing a play on Princess Kaguya and we want to do a dance number. But the kids are dancing like cows. Seriously. I heard you do ballet and could you show them how to move? Right now," the brunette said with absolute seriousness.
"I'd love to, but…" began Mio uncertainly, glancing warily at her sister. Mayu needed to go to the hospital just then. The path to the hospital was learned by heart, but her younger sister always accompanied her there if she had the chance. Even after Minakami Village.
The older twin, on the other hand, could only answer one thing.
"Go."
"Mayu…"
"Mio, if I was against it, I would have told you right away. You won't break our promise if you help your friend," Amakura said with a smile slightly tortured from lack of sleep. "So come on, show me how amazing you can dance."
With that, the still hesitant Mio left with Ichiji sending her older sister a grateful look.
Though Mayu herself was feeling queasy at that moment.
She could have been with them.
And not just next to them in the auditorium. Maybe she could have danced next to Mio, even if just behind her with the rest of the guys. That would have been enough for the twin.
But Mayu had erected those barriers herself.
Mayu herself imprisoned herself in this cocoon of pain.
Mayu drew a line between her and Mio.
A line between her happiness.
And with each passing moment, it began to seem to Amakura that after the destruction of the imaginary nightmares in the Lost Village, it was the first time she truly realized the nightmare her life had become.
Almost done. This time, Mayu wasn't dreaming about the altar.
She was falling.
Falling indefinitely, as it seemed to her at the time. Once again, she couldn't do anything. Her damned body refused to listen.
All the twin wanted was for the nightmare to end.
Soon a wave of warmth enveloped her cold body. It was as if she had been taken by the hand of something unusually pleasant and dear. All she had to do was grab hold of it and...
Mayu looked back down.
Her human body was falling into the Abyss.
Two crimson wings grew behind her.
The realization finally came.
Mayu was no longer human.
She was a butterfly.
The one she was meant to be. Free from human pain, doubt, and torment. Now she could fly wherever she wanted.
She was free.
She could fly.
Fly!
Realizing this, the girl soared so fast that no one could catch up with her. Not even Mio. She didn't care at all why the cave was replaced by the clear night sky when now she could go anywhere. Nothing and no one could hold her back anymore. There was no guilt, no ropes holding back her desires. No responsibility. No need for anyone else.
There is only Mayu and the sky.
The moon has set and the sun has begun to rise. Thousands of the same crimson butterflies flew towards the star. Now the girl would join them. She had to push herself just a little bit more and…
Mayu woke up.
Next to her in their room, Mio was still asleep.
The older sister stretched her hand towards the ceiling and tears flowed from her eyes.
She didn't want to wake up.
Another school day is over. Mio had left for another rehearsal another hour ago.
Mayu smiled. Everything was perfect.
She had thought about it enough already. Today there was Koito on duty in the classroom on the third floor, who really liked to have fun and didn't really like to work. Which meant that she would immediately agree to the twin's offer to fill in for her without thinking about why.
There was always family at home, and the school was too crowded. Besides, Mio was always spending time with her. Amakura didn't think she would ever hate her sister's commitment to her promise. But luckily for Mayu, her twin had gotten used to the idea of leaving the girl to herself for this time.
All she has to do is open the window and…
"What are you doing, Mayu!"
Turning around, a pale Mio appeared to the girl's shocked gaze. The older twin was already preparing to climb over. The tension in those unbearably long seconds could be cut with a knife.
"Mio, ra-aren't you supposed to be at the rehearsal-ee?" stammered Mayu awkwardly, finally finding the will to reply something to her sister.
"Rehearsal ended ten minutes ago," the younger twin replied in a muffled voice. "What were you going to do now?"
Mayu remained silent.
Mio, on the other hand, was tired of waiting for answers.
"So everything I did really means nothing to you?" the girl began to approach her older sister, raising her voice. "So all the horrors we've been through together so far haven't convinced you! Our promise doesn't mean anything to you! MAYU?!" yelled Mio, grabbing her twin by the shoulders.
"LET GO!" shouted Mayu, pushing Mio away from her so that the younger sister fell to the floor. The girl fearfully began to look at her twin, whose gaze grew more and more desperate and broken. "You can't understand me! You were never doomed to live in this body! In this... Cocoon!"
"Mayu..." whispered Mio, tears beginning to gather in her eyes. Mayu's lips stretched in a maddening smile, though her voice was becoming more and more hysterical.
"Ever since that fall, my entire life has been but a pale shadow of what the others had. Every day has brought only pain. It was only the fear of being gone that made me appreciate my condition. But then we came to that village. And the ritual. It wasn't just meant to make us one. It could give me more than just freedom. It could have rid me of everything!" Mayu's gaze, with a sudden anger even for her, began to sink into Mio. "But you didn't just have to rob me of that chance. You also had to also shatter the illusions that kept me from realizing the full horror of what I had become!" Finally spilling out what had been eating away at her soul for the past few days, Amakura sighed and turned away from her sister. She was going to do what she wanted to do, and it no longer mattered who saw her at that moment. Mayu began to painfully climb over to climb over the window.
"NO!" yelled Mio, grabbing her sister's sore leg. Pain shot through the twin. She wanted to scream, but by an effort of will she held back. Instead, clutching the windowsill with her hands as hard as she could, Mayu began kicking the girl with her free leg.
A couple of successful kicks landed on her stomach and forehead. Mio let go of her sister's leg, groaning, covering the places of the kicks with her hands. Mayu, miraculously staying on her feet, kept her gaze fixed on her twin's pain.
After which, she started laughing.
"Ah-ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Apparently she really did burn all her bridges.
Continuing to laugh, Mayu tumbled out of the window with her back to the front.
She hoped that she would feel the lightness that was in her dreams from flying as a butterfly.
But it was like falling into the Abyss.
Mayu dreamed she was falling again.
She waited to fly upward again as her rotting body continued to sink downward.
But instead, a winged girl emerged from her.
She looked just like Mayu, and her wings were crimson. "Butterfly" smiled at the twin, but there was no human warmth in her smile. Her cold eyes looked at Mayu with curiosity, but soon the girl stopped studying Amakura and flew upwards.
Oddly enough this only served to calm the twin. Even if she herself didn't understand why.
This was just the way it was supposed to be. Yes, it was the right thing to do. Her heart was at peace now.
No more wishing for the unfulfilled.
Even if it's the last seconds of her life.
"Can you serve cookies?"
The morning sun illuminated the hospital room. One twin was visiting the other.
Sighing, Mio handed her sister the food. There was a band-aid on her forehead.
No one ever thought Mayu would ever knowingly harm her sister. She didn't think she would herself. But here they were.
"You're selfish, you know that?" said Mio quietly refusing to meet her twin's gaze. Instead, her eyes looked at her sister's plastered right leg, suspended from the weight through a spoke. Mayu herself found the fact that the main damage from the fall had been to that leg incredibly ironic. And that was despite the fact that she had been caught by Ichiji waiting for Mio downstairs after class. "I do everything for you, but you want more and more, completely oblivious to everyone else. And the most important thing is that you're not ashamed, right?"
"I suppose so," Mayu replied with a faint smile.
And they both knew she was lying now. If there was one thing the older twin blamed herself for, it was the fact that her desires had caused her to hurt her sister. No amount of things were worth it.
But the bottom line? She'd come to terms with the way she lived her life now. Even if her entire rehabilitation had rolled back to the very beginning, if not worse, at least she was more comfortable in her own body.
"Was it worth it?" finally glanced Mio at her sister.
"Yes. At least I want to believe it was."
Even if they were only moments… Even if they were only in her head…
Mayu was flying.