A/N: My 1st SiH fanfic. Character may be OOC, but I try my best. Takano might appear strong in character, but as Kirishima mentioned in the light novel Yokozawa Takafumi no Baai, Takano may seem proud, but inside he is a sensitive guy. Goes to show why shoujo mangas selling under him.
Compared to manga, most of the below are internal thoughts of Takano so there is less talk and more of his internal thinking. Also as they are both male, Im quite having difficulty reusing pronoun "him", so I ended up using the name mostly.
I refer to Onodera as such since Takano only calls him by Ritsu when they're close/intimate. Or was it just me?
Misunderstanding or not, they both got hurt for what occurred 10 years ago. And in that length of time, they both grew up, became adults, and formed relationships and matured over their experiences. And it formed their personality as an adult. While young Onodera was pure and gentle, the adult Onodera grew to be distrustful and blunt. Young Saga was taciturn and emotionless or were bottling it all inside, but adult Takano is prideful and learned to express his thoughts regardless of what other may feel.
Ritsu has always been insecure and easily rattled. He had put his Senpai on a pedestal that time. So after having his heart broken, albeit due to misunderstanding, he had already formed a wall over his heart to avoid getting hurt. His built up confidence is not out of strength, but out of building thick shell. To avoid getting hurt, he will just avoid being true to himself, will just avoid getting his hopes up.
And Takano was initially surprised at this new personality of his, knowing that with the current Onodera, he will not easily budge to just blurt out his own feelings like he did in the past. Though his base character remains the same, therefore whatever Takano used to feel for the old Onodera remained. It even grew more as he got know him even more as an adult.
Compared to how Ritsu hesitates though, Takano had always been sure of what he wants and had always made it clear: he encouraged Onodera to tell him what he is thinking, good or bad. He wants Onodera to know he will listen. This time he will not make that mistake of letting Onodera assume anything. He will communicate what needs to be said. 'How many times must I prove myself to you...'
"Suki.." (I love you).
" (tell me so i can say outright or reject me) ", 'that time when you were about to leave. And as I let you go, you came back on your own accord and hugged me.'
Takano wanted Onodera to give himself to him fully, so he could claim him as his own. But Onodera's hesitation always have him doubting where Takano truly lies in Onodera's heart, when will he ever admit that he loves him back - if he even does...
Takano was frantic as he spent that morning worrying about Onodera's condition. He should have noticed more, had he not been avoiding him to force himself to focus only on being just his boss the previous day. He was only grateful he was able to catch Onodera just in time that morning when he fainted.
Settling all needed for work while he takes care of Onodera sleeping in bed, he replaces the cold towel on Onodera's forehead, monitoring his temperature as per the Doctor's instructions. He sits down to watch over him.
Recalling last night's Onodera mentioning his doubt over him being told that "going out with you would just be a disadvantage." It angered him, it pained him that a simple comment from that person was all it took for Onodera to doubt what they could have.
"I won't acknowledge that kind of thing." No, I won't accept it. "Just because someone told you to stop, you would?" It hurt that Onodera thought so little of him. After all that he has tried to win him over, Onodera ended up relying on the suggestion from that person.
"If it's just a physical relationship, would it make it easy for you to leave?" 'Is this all what you wanted from me?' He gives his everything to Onodera, pined for him for years even after Onodera left him witnout any trace nor hope. Now that he has found him, Takano was willing to wait as long as Onodera never leaves him again.
But now... just because of that guy, who has consoled you at the time when I was searching for you, '...are you leaving me for him?'
All his bottled up frustration and pent up envy for Onodera's relationship with that person, spilled out from Onodera's doubts. He ended up pushing him down and doing a horrible thing. He looked down in shame.
Looking down at Onodera's marked bruised arm, he tenderly caresses it, anguish in guilt for causing it.
'...but what I did was heartless and disgusting. An unbearable act. I need to apologize.' An understatement. Nothing could justify his action. But he intends to make it up to Onodera, if given the chance for the rest of his life.
'Hey Onodera, what are you trying to do? Once I begin to hope you feel the same, you run away. Once I back down, you get my hopes again.'
'You're not that kind of person. You wouldn't be with me if you hated me.' They get swept away and slept multiple times even if Onodera refused to admit his feelings for him.
Takano knows deep down Onodera is not like that. So he will be patient to convince him, to make Onodera fall for him. If Takano could have him even if he loved him more than Onodera does him.
But now that someone who knew Onodera more is in the picture, someone who had been there for him in his troubled times, someone he gets along with.. Someone Onodera might choose over him instead.. His brows furrowed, "why did we become like this?"
He gently holds onto Onodera's bruised arm, wishing to heal it, hoping his fever subsides. No matter, he will be there to take care of him.
Onodera slowly begins to gain consciousness, still groggy, still feverish. At the faded sounds he notices someone. 'It couldn't have been Takano-san, he has disregarded him at this point', thinking grimly. Then who could possibly- ahh.. "..Nao?", Onodera mumbles softly as his dazed focus improves.
Heart constricting at the name, Takano's hand startled, then loosened, letting go of Ritsu's wrist. He covered it over his mouth and looked away.
"...it's just me." He whispers, hair covering his eyes, not wanting to see Onodera's disappointment that he wasn't the person he's seeking.
He let out a deep breath of disappointment, utterly helpless against false hope. Gripping his own hand from wanting to touch Ritsu.
"How are you feeling?" Busying himself and taking out some drinks to offer, "Thirsty?" handing him one, he wanted to take care of Onodera at least, his health is important.
"..Ah! ...ah no.. thank you." Ritsu looking away from him, staring down at his blanket. Meek and hiding. Uncomfortable silence settling in, then he blurtedly whispered, "...what are you doing here, Takano-san?"
Takano stares at him, waiting for... who knows, dejected he puts down the offered drink. 'Would you be more comfortable if it was...'. He let his thought drift off, and just looked away. '...If you don't want me here...' he sighs, getting irritated, teeth gritting.
"Kinomiya-san called, says he's coming here." Getting worked up, he shoves his things back into his bag to leave him be.
"I'm going." 'What were you expecting anyway...'
"i'll leave these drinks and there are some food when you're up to eating. Don't worry about work, and just focus on recovering."
He was about to stand, intending to leave, so that he doesn't vent out his anger again. But realizes he also owes Onodera... He pauses, Onodera still weakly observing him. "I'm sorry. I forced you into something you didn't want."
"That wasn't okay, I went too far."
Onodera assures him, "Well.. I mean.. I think I got sick because of the rain. Some things in my life were not going well, everything came together".
Takano notices Onodera rambling, trying to avoid the issue. That won't do. He turns back to face Onodera, looking him in the eye.
"No, what I did was disgusting." 'It will never happen again.' Takano wanted him to understand his sincerity. "I am sorry." No matter what happens, he owes a lot to Onodera, an apology at the least.
Silence stretched as Onodera contemplated over the things said while struggling with his fever. He still wanted to talk to Takano more but was uncertain how to broach the subject. But before he could open his mouth to try say anything incoherent-
Takano takes the silence as his cue to leave. "Take care." If It would be best to just have a superior-subordinate relationship, he would keep his distance. He did not want Onodera feeling even more anxious than necessary, and he would at least be professional.
"Do you love me?" I need an answer. Soon. Please. '...don't leave me again.'
"Takano-san.. I... Um... I really.. I'm sorry.."
Onodera stutters, nervous, as he always does. But this time, Onodera has that look on his face, a determined look for when he's about to say what he has decided upon. Takano has a sinking feeling, he will not like that decision.
Eyes looking at his face, observing as Onodera getting determined to give him an answer. He was the one who always pushed Onodera to say what's on his mind after all, right?
'Wait...', his hand shaking, '...are you...?', Takano's unwanted thoughts drifting negatively, not breathing in, getting desperate to hold on.
"I just... you know...", as Onodera struggled to push him away, the mere action - Takano cuts him off.
"...Suteru no?"(are you throwing me away?) Takano whispers, unable to look him in the eye now, unable to accept whatever he may see there, anger bubbling up.
'Aah.. all this time..' He imagined back the times he tries to get Ritsu to confess... and he never got an answer because... 'I was asking the wrong question'.
'I was just getting my hopes up.' Brief realization. The answer has always been there. If there was no answer, then... Eyes closing to ward off the truth: it was only him who has been happy.
He walks away before Ritsu could finish. "Mou ii." 'I don't want to hear it.' He rushed to the elevator, he just needs to get away. He hears Onodera gasp in surprise as if to chase after him. But he knows better. He'll be alone again soon. Just like before.
He said he'll wait for Onodera, no matter how long it takes. As long as Onodera stays by his side. But he was growing impatient with the knowledge that someone else could always just steal him away. 'You bailed on me once before after all. So at the very least, let me be closer by your side than anyone else.'
He could have been more patient. He was unable to forget, for so long, he waited for a long time... if he'll even be able to forget and move on. But fate has it and they meet once again. All his feelings, desperation to cling on, falling in love all over again. He did not want to let go. He will wait. No matter the obstacles. From someone who interfered because he wanted to protect Takano from a past love, from a pretty fiancee whom he cannot hope to compete with if Onodera so much as looks her way, from another man who obsesses to ruin whoever gets close to Takano..
'..Nao?' recalling again Onodera calling out that name. Crestfallen, hopeless, his teeth gritting from anger. Why did they even have to meet again. He hits the wall of the elevator, just in time it bells and door opens. He leaves the complex for a walk to clear his head, and avoid Onodera for the time being.
Onodera has always been hesitant to be with him. He gets swept away every now and then though. And he was willing to take what he can get, waiting for Onodera's feelings to catch up to his own. He didn't mind for the time being - how did he word it - fuckbuddies? But it wasn't only his body he was interested in, he wanted everything. And if it means waiting, if it means just that for now, then it's fine.
But someone from his past comes back. Someone who made you doubt what we have, made you push back. 'I don't want to give you up to anyone else. It can be only you, Ritsu.', recalling what he told Onodera that time.
With hopeful thoughts came more doubt, thinking back on Onodera's hesitant actions.. turning to determination.. to reject him, so he can be with someone else.
And by then there won't be anything left for him to do but step aside. Dejected at the thought he let himself fall deeper in despair, it was hopeless.
Onodera steels himself to have a talk with Takano. He always wavers, unconfident, always double-doubting... but he knows he has to clarify and see things through, or they will never progress.
After ringing the bell, it took some time and no one seems to be home. But, no, he's sure he heard some movement inside. He repeated ringing of the door, persistent and confident as Takano does this to him anyway.
After awhile he hears dragging of feet and the door finally slightly opens.
"Nani?", (What is it?), Takano looks to him, obviously not wanting to be disturbed.
And for awhile Onodera wavers from the potential rejection, but he pushed through. "I was just.. wondering.. if we can talk.. that is..", voice slightly lowering towards the end.
"...work?", Takano considered.
"No.. um..", Onodera fidgeting, nervous. Takano knows it. He wanted to tell him something important then.
"I'm occupied, maybe next time.", intending to close the door on him, to just avoid him.
A hand grasped the door open, "Ah ano! But still..", and Onodera nudges it open to snuck in.
"Now's not a good time", Takano turns his back to just go inside and leave Onodera. He really doesn't want to hear what Onodera has to say - dreading the inevitable. Irritated and agitated and beer rushing to his head, he hurries back inside.
"But Takano-san, I really think we should - hey, have..have you been drinking??", Onodera noticed Takano's scent once he forced his way to the living room. Takano's room is mostly tidy except for occassional mess of books and piles of manuscript, so it was a sight to see mess of scattered bottles of beer and ashtray filled with used smokes.
Takano tried to scoot some out from being seen but then gives up as Onodera already entered and seen it anyway. Instead he pulls out a manuscript on the table, sits on the floor at the base of his couch and feign reviewing it, "De? Nani?" ("So? What is it?"), he whispers, still refusing to acknowledge Onodera.
Onodera sets aside concern for the amount of alcohol in the room for the time being and says, "Are you alright, Takano-san?"
"...", Takano ignores the feign concern over something as trivial as this. Onodera's here for something else and Takano just... wants to get it over with, it's pointless anyway. His face giving away what he's truly feeling inside. 'He's here to end it.' Brows furrowing, a sinking feeling at the pit of his stomach, he wants to drown out this pain, head bowing down for his hair to cover his eyes.
Putting down the manuscript away and opting to pull out another can of beer, he leaves it unopened. With a heavy sigh, he leans his head to the couch behind him, arm over his eyes, the can of beer covering him.
"..don't worry, I won't let this affect our work so just..", breath gruff, teeth gritting at holding himself back. Onodera's too near, he might give in and pull him to himself, to desperately cling to him. To ask him to choose him instead. Pointless. Recalling how Onodera calling out to someone else instead of his name. Feeling conflicted, he wanted Onodera to just leave him alone as well.
He was unwanted. Not by his parents, not by the person he loves, Onodera. He had Onodera in the past for awhile. He had Onodera in the present just for awhile. He thought he could cling more to it this time around - but in the end - It's nothing new then.
"...I get it already. I just... didn't want to hear it." '... don't say it.' he barely voiced the last part out.
"Eh?", Onodera's confusion reaching his ears. Frustrating him, his obtuse character annoying on situations where he has to spell it out for him.
With a heavy sigh, realizing Onodera might not find the correct wording for it himself, he pitifully supplied it for him, "'it's over', desho?", he whispered for him, 'this is what you wanted to tell me.' It's not a break-up if Onodera never conceded to be his anyway.
"...but...I... I..", Onodera starts and Takano peeks behind the beer at Onodera's fidgeting, nervous self. Quickly turning away and stamping down the part of him still hoping Onodera would hesitate for just a little bit.
But it was futile, he could cling on and on, but if in the end Onodera still prefers someone else then he is just dragging it on.
"It's not what I...", Onodera begins again but Takano knows he will just give in to... maybe, out of consideration for him. Maybe a part of Onodera may cherish him but obviously feeling more for someone else. But he don't want to be second. So he steels himself for Onodera.
Getting irritated, getting angry by the minute, he opens the beer to suppress from shouting, he just wants to drown.
"...you can go, I want to be alone." He don't even want to see him leaving, for he is sure he'll forever ingrain into memory Onodera's footsteps when he leaves him alone in the apartment after rejecting him.
'After all this time... I will be back to that place alone again. Of all people, you were the only one I ever wanted for myself.' Recollecting the times he fought to pursue Onodera, to make him stay by his side.
He could hear no footsteps.
'Aahh.. finally... I'm drunk enough', Takano thinks to himself, grateful for the lack of awareness in his surroundings. Planning to drown out his senses further, he takes the beer into his mouth, when -
Suddenly someone grabs him into a hug. No, not someone. Onodera. Shaking, fingers quivering, head on his shoulders. "You idiot! You let me finish what I have to say!"
Takano bewildered to see Onodera clinging to him. 'Am I this drunk..?' No, if he's here, then let it not be a dream, his beer suspended in mid-air.
"I came here... to tell you...", Onodera begins anew, forcing himself to calm down, to get his point across this time.
His hand reaching out to Takano's face, urging him to look into his eyes. "...Suki."("...I love you.") Onodera teary-eyed at the confession, his heart bursting with 10 years of repressed emotion for this person, that those simple words could not even begin to express the depth of it all. Onodera's face showing the fear he has probably trained himself to hide for a decade. But he pushed through. For Takano.
"We cannot... I will not let.. another misunderstanding get in the way.", Onodera's past fear igniting, and voice threatening to choke, "...Not again."
Takano's face was red, from alcohol? from shock?
"So please... stay with me, Takano-san."
Then Takano's expression, as if in a daze, as if realization sinking in. "...Ritsu?", as if testing out whether he is real. His sight blurry from intoxication.
"I'm right here." Onodera gathers up Takano's hands to hold it to his face, to convince him he's right in front of him.
Time stopped for Takano as he continued to stare, too scared to move if the illusion will break.
So Onodera takes it upon himself, swallowing for courage, he slowly moves in to place a soft kiss on Takano's lips.
Takano gasped, and for a few moment let the sensation wash over them, when his hunger burst forth. He grabbed onto Onodera, tongue hungrily slipping inside his mouth. He kissed Onodera passionately, clinging to him in desperation to be as close as possible.
He let himself sway to their passion, both of them getting carried away. Like how it always does. But he lets up for a moment - Onodera is right, the misunderstanding ruined it for them before. How could he let his insecurity get in the way.
Takano clings to Onodera tightly - "Ritsu?" 'are you real? Let not this be dream.'
"Hai.", Onodera says teary-eyed at the overwhelming emotions overflowing them.
'His face about to burst.' Takano thinks Onodera's face more red than his despite his drunken state.
Takano smiles, 'ah I really do want this guy after all.' he himself about to burst with finally getting a confession, "...I love you too." 'Finally mine.'
END.
A/N: Sorry, I don't think I can write lime/lemon well for BL after all, but I do hope this was still an enjoyable conclusion. Its been almost 2 decades since the series started, was it 2006? Yet from "364 day" countdown to "4 day" countdown making me split between wanting to know how it finally ends to not wanting it to end at the same time.
3 days left til Onodera falls in love, coincidentally matches his claim that it will take 3 days to explain when he was asked what does he like Takano.
Must be pretty interesting how he will confess considering the build up of this from over a decade. My guess is must take someplace memorable, under sakura trees perhaps? their school library? or the very place where it all started, replace the memory of Nao confessing when they passed by their school?
Nao had a chance, not for being a lover but for rival on Ritsu's trust. Had he not have an intention to steal him from Takano, he would have a chance of convincing Ritsu from having a relationship with Takano. Remove his feelings for Ritsu and you have a best friend who can see things more objectively.
Also, is it just me or Takano started to look different from volume 14? Art is much better in latest volume but, Takano looks different from his anime counterpart already, looks much younger lol!