Chapter 54

Author's Note: Raiden's song for this chapter is "Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon.

Raiden and Azula walked through the chilly forest, each carrying their bow and quiver, looking for jackalope tracks. The dawn light cut through the trees at a sharp angle; birds sang as the world woke up.

"I would like to ask your opinion about a situation that has arisen in the palace," Azula began, as they walked side by side between the cedars.

"Yes?" If they were really trying to hunt, it was important to stay quiet, or the animals would get scared away. But he knew hunting was not really the point of this trip, and she had aroused his curiosity.

"This is a sensitive, confidential issue, but I trust your discretion."

"Of course."

"A man who works in the palace, a department supervisor, came to me privately. He finds himself attracted romantically to one of the young women who work in his department. He asked me whether such a relationship was permissible." As she laid out the oddly familiar scenario, she looked straight ahead, pretending to focus on the forest around them. "What do you think?"

Raiden guessed that this 'situation' was a thinly veiled allegory, so he spoke very carefully. He noticed her formal language and mimicked it. "I suppose two adults should not be prevented from forming a relationship of mutual attachment. It seems as if this supervisor is aware of how the power dynamic makes the young woman incredibly vulnerable."

"Yes, that was his main concern, the reason he came to me for advice," Azula agreed. "He asked me whether and how he should proceed, given the power he wields over her career. He worried that there might be no way to protect her, if he were to take advantage."

"That concern speaks well for him. He is unlikely to abuse his authority as long as he maintains that self-awareness." Raiden couldn't help but feel impressed by how thoughtful Azula seemed to be. He had assumed she was oblivious to the power differential between them. He hadn't expected her to feel him out in this discreet way, giving them both cover. It was very different from her somewhat aggressive flirting.

"And what actions should this self-awareness lead the supervisor to do?" She pressed, focused as always on specific applications of principles.

"It's more an issue of what he should not do," Raiden answered, speaking mostly about the supposed supervisor, but also addressing his own fears. "He should drop it immediately if she turns him down. And if she says yes, she should still be able to end the relationship anytime, for any reason, without reprisals." If he could feel sure about this point, a good amount of his trepidation would disappear.

"Of course. That should be taken for granted," she affirmed stoutly.

"It isn't always. Does this young woman want to date her supervisor?" He wondered how Azula would answer. Did she have any clue how he felt about her?

"Ah, that is the question, isn't it?" She shot him a wry, sidelong half-smile. "I asked the supervisor, and he honestly did not know her feelings about him. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable by coming on to her, and so has not spoken."

"And yet, by staying silent, he ensures that nothing can ever happen between them," Raiden pointed out.

"Surely if the young woman reciprocates her supervisor's affection, she is just as capable of speaking as he is," she contended.

Did she mean that as a reproach to him, for not telling her his feelings? Did he deserve that? Raiden justified himself, arguing from the perspective of the perhaps imaginary young woman, and recalling the insults he'd already received because of the rumors about their relationship. "She may fear being misunderstood just as much as he does. Perhaps she would be seen as trying to curry favor inappropriately. Her coworkers may accuse her of trying to sleep her way to promotion. She may even be hoping to protect her boss from the criticism that he's taking advantage of her."

"Then they both have good reasons to remain silent," Azula conceded. "Does that mean they should just give up on this attraction, even if it is indeed mutual?"

"I didn't say that."

"Then which of them should speak first?" she pressed.

"I suppose it doesn't matter, as long as they do so considerately, taking their uneven positions into account." Raiden ruled, though he was thinking privately that, all else being equal, the subordinate person should probably make the first move, because the other way had more potential for abuse.

"A reasonable answer, exactly the kind I have grown to expect from you." She stopped walking and turned to him, squaring her body to address him directly. "Raiden, I—"

But over her shoulder he saw a jackalope. He gestured for quiet, and pointed. Moving slowly and silently, she turned and pulled her bow from her shoulder. He watched her movements approvingly as she drew her arrow and released it.

It struck a tree root near where the animal sat. It bolted away, and Azula cursed.

"That wasn't a bad shot," he consoled her, then cringed at himself, sure she would take his comment as a judgment on her roundabout attempt at honesty.

She walked away to retrieve her arrow. The moment was gone.

They continued to hike through the forest pensively, both looking around for game, pretending the hunt was the only reason they had come. But both animals and words eluded them.

A short while later, the two hunters reached a small waterfall, surrounded by cherry trees. They weren't flowering now, but would in a few weeks. Sunlight streaked into the little grove between the bare branches, and a warm wind teased their noses with a hint of spring to come.

Finally Raiden couldn't stand it any longer. He had to know what she'd been leading up to, before the jackalope had interrupted them. He brought back the "hypothetical" issue they'd been discussing, along with a compliment he hoped might goad her into confessing her ruse. "Sometimes I can't believe how much you've changed since your coronation, Azula. There was a time when none of your staff would ever have confided such a personal problem to you."

"Yes, well, I've grown quite close to some of my employees." She tossed a saucy grin at him over her shoulder, her laughing eyes practically admitting she had made up the whole story, and letting him in on the joke. He scented the same enticing spices that had surrounded him the previous night in bed. A sunbeam glinted through the trees, making her hair shine as it swished around her head. Raiden froze, stunned at the sight of her. Azula was always pretty, but at that moment her elemental beauty struck him like a bolt of lightning.

She noticed that he had stopped walking and turned around. As soon as she faced him, he felt the full force of his inner pull toward her. It made him impulsive, the way he'd been when he'd first kissed her hand.

"You look–" He faltered; words failed him. "You're so lovely."

He expected her to respond with her usual arrogance: a lifted brow and a purred "I know." But instead her chest rose with a gasp, and it was as if somehow he had entranced her as well.

Her gaze locked on his, she approached with a caution that mystified him and nearly turned his enchantment to impatience. His eyes couldn't help flitting down to her smiling lips, mere inches from his own.

Then one corner of that luscious mouth curved up, and she asked him simply, "Would you like to kiss me, Raiden?"

She wasn't waiting with bated breath and closed eyes, and she hadn't just gone ahead and kissed him first: she was trying to be ethical about coming on to him, like her imaginary supervisor. She didn't want them to stumble into each other's arms, led by lust; that's why they had truly done nothing but sleep in that cold cabin. She expected him to answer her in words this time, and he owed her that kind of response.

He could not lie and say no. His resistance was history. It had crumbled under her flattering attention, her unexpected consideration, and his overpowering attraction to her. He still wasn't sure that she was safe to love, so he might very well be setting himself up for ruin. He accepted the possibility that this choice could lead to the end of his career, or worse. But he was a risk taker, and knew he'd regret it if he let this chance go by. He wanted Azula so much in that moment that he no longer cared what might happen to him after he finally–finally–kissed her.

Her golden eyes mesmerized him.

The only words that came to his mind to express his total acquiescence were the very first ones he had ever said to her.

"I am yours to command."

Azula's face contorted in horror. She pivoted abruptly and walked away.

"I'm sorry, I guess that wasn't the right thing to say," Raiden sputtered in confusion, jogging after her to catch up.

"I won't command that," she declared indignantly, as she continued to stalk through the forest.

She seemed to think that he had meant to throw her position in her face, or to subordinate himself unnecessarily. He cursed himself for an idiot: he should have known she would take those words like that. "No, and you don't have to, I just—"

"You're afraid of me, so you would let me force you–" she accused.

"No, I'm not afraid, and you couldn't force me—" Raiden nearly laughed at the ridiculous idea: it would be impossible for her to make him do something he was entirely willing, even eager, to do.

"There is very little I do not have the power to compel you to do." Her voice dripped with bitterness, her unwanted authority more than a burden: an impediment to desire. "But I won't make you kiss me. And I won't beg. So just forget I ever said it. That's an order. Ugh! I could not have given you a clearer invitation," she muttered, turning away and covering her face in humiliation.

"Azula, please," he grabbed her hand. She stopped and looked into his face for the first time since he'd said those words. He saw her vulnerability and devastation, and knew she would never approach him this way again. He wanted her to be direct with him, so it was only fair for him to do the same, and tell her exactly what his concerns were. But Hinata had told him in confidence, so he phrased it carefully. "Let me explain." The Fire Lord turned toward him, crossing her arms self-protectively. "There are rumors about your father. That he had coercive relationships with several women who worked in the palace."

She blinked and dropped her arms, taken aback by the abrupt change of subject. "I knew that. He was a terrible human being." She shifted her weight and cocked her head. "Wait, you don't think that I wanted—that I've been grooming you—"

His eyes cut to the side. "I hope I haven't offended you by mentioning it…."

She took two deep breaths, looking away, hands on hips. "I am a bit offended, but I know I have no right to be. It's true that I spent most of my life emulating my father. And the way I went after Aang, the way I treated him…it makes perfect sense that you would think I might act like my father did." Her voice was soft and resigned. He thought he saw her shoulder move in the slightest shrug.

Her humility took him aback and allayed his fears even more than her words did. "But that's not what you want?" His words nudged her along, as his chest warmed with hope.

"Not at all. I want to be with someone who cares for me freely. Someone who's my equal." Her eyes implored him to understand.

He frowned, unsure what she meant by that. "By law, no one is the equal of the Fire Lord."

"And that's the problem," she asserted, surprising him. "Our law doesn't recognize moral worth, only social position and firebending strength. It encourages people like my father...and even me…to abuse their power. It throws all of the Fire Lord's relationships off balance. But I want to take off my crown sometimes, with a friend who doesn't stand on ceremony with me, who even keeps me in check." Raiden was stunned by the hint that Azula's personal experience might have inspired her to rethink the absolute nature of the monarchy. It was a farther-reaching reform than any he'd dared hope for. Her tone grew more uncertain as she finally admitted her desire. "I don't know what it would look like–I've never seen anything like it – but I know that what I want now is a relationship of equals." She lifted her eyes to him, and they bared her yearning to him. "With you."

The captain felt lightheaded with disbelief. This felt unreal, like some crazy fantasy. All he could do was squeak, "Me?"

"Yes, you!" Azula pushed his arm playfully. "I know I'm bad at flirting, but surely you've noticed—"

"That you've noticed me. Yes, I could tell something had changed." He couldn't help it, his voice turned a bit cold and reproachful at the thought of her past obliviousness.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to see it," Her earnest apology evaporated his resentment entirely. And then she went on, showering him with an embarrassing amount of praise. "You've been with me all along, dedicating yourself selflessly to making my reign a success. It was risky for you to speak up to me the way you did, more than once, but every time you pushed me or criticized me, you made me better. You believed in me, Raiden, and I can't thank you enough for it. You deserve the highest place of honor I can grant you." Her face was alight with gratitude as she lifted it to him, and he had never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

"I'm just….a patriot at heart," he protested modestly.

She shook her head and touched his arm, pleadingly. "Please don't say it's only that. You weren't just doing your duty. I don't want to be only your Fire Lord, or your boss. You're my best friend, Raiden, but I want to be more than that to you."

Raiden was completely overwhelmed with emotion. Azula had brought him here to tell him her feelings, and though they might not have been as strong as his—she didn't use the word 'love'-they were still so much more than he'd ever dared to hope for. Apparently she had been moving them toward this moment since the night he first kissed her hand, elevating him and lowering herself in subtle ways until it became possible to understand themselves as equals and realize their unspeakable attraction. He had fallen for her on that ship, when she had defied her upbringing to make peace, but it turned out she was just beginning to change. Now, his beautiful, fiery queen was saying she thought he deserved a place at her side. She had chosen him, her social inferior, a non-bender, for a partner, and it was proof that she was capable of more growth than he'd ever dreamed. The idea that their relationship might eventually lead the Fire Lord to hold elections and reconvene the Assembly nearly brought him to tears.

He was finally convinced that the danger he had feared did not exist. The humility with which she had answered his remaining concerns made them feel almost ridiculous. In fact, he trusted her enough to lay his heart at her feet. In that moment, in the sun-dappled forest, he loved her more than he ever had.

He stepped closer and reached for her. "You won't command me, so perhaps I should offer."

"Offer what?" she asked, tense, touching his arms tentatively, as his hands lightly gripped her elbows.

Everything. Myself, he thought. Then he whispered, "A kiss."

She swallowed, and it seemed she stopped breathing. Her eyes lowered to his lips, then slid shut completely.

He took that second silent invitation, and pressed his lips to hers.

Raiden knew how to kiss, and used every bit of his experience. This was her first real kiss, in all the ways that counted, he knew, so he wanted to make it good. He moved his mouth on hers with expert control, not letting his own feelings carry him away, not even when she sighed and parted her lips in response. Three soft presses, on her bottom lip, top, then bottom again, before he pulled away to check on her.

Her eyes were squinted and forehead wrinkled, as if she were in pain. She swayed slightly in his arms. Her eyes opened, and he saw in them both wonder and desperation. He was about to ask if she was all right, when her hand grabbed the front of his jacket, to keep him from pulling away.

"Please," she murmured, chin reaching up for him and mouth slightly open.

Eager to satisfy her, he lowered his lips to hers again, kissing her harder and deeper this time. He could feel how much she wanted him, and it broke down his self-discipline completely. This time he let himself get lost in her kiss, wrapping one arm tightly around her back, while his other hand cradled her jaw, fingers brushing against the ends of her hair. Her words had given him so much, while he hadn't said much in response, so he poured his as-yet-unspoken love into the kiss. It was longer, sweeter, and sloppier than even the few times he had kissed her in dreams.

He hadn't realized how much of her weight he was holding up, until his locked knees started to overbalance, and they both nearly fell. With a little laugh-shriek, she broke away, but instead of dropping her hands from where they clung to his jacket, threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder as she repositioned her feet. The relief of finally connecting honestly hit him as he settled into a more stable 'at ease' posture, his hands pressing her middle tightly into him. They stood entwined for several minutes, longer than the kisses had lasted. Though they had never held each other like this before either, the hug grounded them again in the familiarity of their friendship.

Azula was the first to pull away. He didn't even begrudge her the hint of smugness in her voice when she asked him to verify, "Then you did want to—"

"More than anything," he assured her. "Ever since you cut your hair." His crush predated the treaty, but that was the moment he'd fallen in love with her, which he considered more important anyway.

"That's been quite a while." She raised her eyebrows, happy with this explanation. Then she frowned with concern. "Was that…hard for you?"

"Sometimes," he admitted, thinking of the jealousy he'd felt toward Aang and Chan, the forlorn tears he'd shed on that airship.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, disturbed.

"You couldn't help it," He shook his head, forgiving her completely. "Neither could I. And I kept silent because—" he began to explain.

"I'm Fire Lord. Literally untouchable."

He nodded. "And I wasn't sure it was prudent until—"

"About five minutes ago?" she guessed.

"Yes," he admitted.

"I have a confession." Her chin lowered, so that she somehow looked both demure and brazen.

"There is no department supervisor with a crush on his employee?" he guessed.

"No. Just me." She looked down at their joined hands.

"Just us." He squeezed her fingers, then asked bracingly, "So…what now?" It was a small question that somehow encompassed everything. She had said she wanted a relationship, but hadn't clarified what she wanted that to mean. Indeed, she'd said she didn't know.

"I suppose we should go on a date," Azula answered coyly, pulling away. She turned toward the trail they'd been walking, but kept hold of his hand. "Tomorrow night. You should take the day off to prepare."

"What should I do to prepare?" he wondered.

"Whatever you want, I suppose."

"What if I want to be with you?" Raiden swung their joined hands a little, euphoric at his fingers wrapped around hers.

"No," she answered primly, though he could tell she was pleased. "I have things I want to do to get ready, and I don't want you hovering around me while I do them."

"I don't hover," he objected with a laugh.

"You are an airship. Or a mother bird." she teased. "But that's tomorrow. Right now, we should do what we came here to do." He raised one flirtatious brow at her, making her blush. "I mean hunt, of course." she clarified.

He agreed. "You need the practice. You'll always be a novice bowman until you hit a live target."

"Then, Mr. Golden Arrow, you'd better shut your mouth and stop scaring the jackalope away," she retorted, elbowing his side.

Still holding hands, they walked silently through the forest, which was even more beautiful than she had said. It was a perfectly welcoming place, teeming with life: squirrel toads croaking on the banks of a brook, cicada crickets humming constantly, and tiger monkeys swinging through the trees. They even spotted an armadillo bear waddling across their path. The previous night's cold temperature had risen, so that as long as they kept moving, they were perfectly comfortable.

Though the dawn hour was long over, they found another jackalope, hopping across a small clearing, and this time Azula's arrow struck true. They were moving toward the animal to end its life mercifully, when Raiden reached out a hand to stop her in her tracks. A cheetah boa was coming out of the shadows to claim their kill.

They watched the magnificent giant cat approach the dying jackalope. Its teeth sank into the neck, and then it began to rip apart the carcass with its teeth, pausing every once in a while to toy with it using its big paws, and then cleaning its claws by licking them. It was surprisingly fastidious about its meal, for an animal of its size.

Raiden and Azula stayed frozen. Though they were both afraid to attract the predator's attention by moving, she leaned backward into his chest gradually, and his arms held her loosely as they continued to watch the cheetah boa. The captain remembered the day he'd met Azula, how he'd felt exhilarated watching her firebend, prompting him to privately compare her to this majestic predator. Now, it was as if the giant cat had curled up in his lap, wrapping its scaled tail around him. He hadn't tamed her, or defanged her, and had no desire to change her nature that way. What he wanted was to run wild beside her, to bare his throat to her teeth and feel only her tongue. In comparison, every other woman he'd known was a domesticated croco-cat: small, cute, and utterly mundane.

Eventually, he pulled away slowly from their relaxed embrace, signaling her that they should go. He drew his bow silently, just in case, but the cheetah boa ignored them as they made their cautious way out of the clearing. Then he took her hand, and they continued to walk through the forest, as the sun climbed high in the sky, and the birds began to sing.

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed that scene! Let me know what you think in a review! New chapter in one week!