"Hey, look, guys! A puddle!"
"Naruto don't!"
Sasuke facepalmed. Kakashi, panicking, leapt forward and snatched Naruto away from the puddle, just as two shinobi exploded out of it.
Kakashi's whole 'see how my cute little students fair in a real fight' plan had fallen to pieces when Naruto decided to hop into the puddle, instead of ignoring it like he thought he would. From Kakashi's view, he'd narrowly kept Naruto from getting skewered by the chain heading for his gut.
From Sasuke's view, they were both idiots.
As Kakashi landed in a roll, the last Uchiha casually ducked beneath the first shinobi's swing, elbowing him in the liver region and bashing him over the head with the handle of a kunai. Sakura slammed her opponent's head through a tree, making Sasuke wince.
"Wha-" Kakashi began.
"Sensei!" Naruto whined. "You ruined my plan!"
Kakashi turned to stare down at him with a blank expression. "I ruined your plan."
"Yes." Naruto frowned. "I was going to act stupid until they came out and I could stab them." In a froggy shirt and with his diminutive height, Kakashi had to at least give him points for taking advantage of his own appearance.
Ignoring the morbid 'stab them' part, Kakashi dragged a hand down his face. "Did you two know about his plan?" he asked, eyeing his other two students.
"Pretty much," Sasuke shrugged. "We didn't discuss it verbally, of course, but our go-to facades are our Academy personas. I act arrogant and over-confident when I want to deceive someone, Sakura acts like a weak fangirl, and Naruto acts like a dumb dead-last."
"Sorry, dog-sensei," Naruto said, patting him on the arm. "I forgot you're new."
"Tazuna-san, I believe we have some things to discuss."
Tazuna started to sweat at Kakashi's overly-cheery eye-smile.
After hearing Tazuna's weepy backstory, Team Seven started down the road again, forgetting to voice their discussion.
"Aren't you three interested in turning back?" Kakashi asked, absentmindedly flipping to a new page in his book.
Sasuke paused with a frown. "No," he said, and kept walking.
"Um, why not?" Kakashi sweatdropped. "You do know you could face dangerous missing nin on this mission, right?"
"If they're anything like those two, they'll be pathetic," Sakura hummed.
Naruto had his nose in his book.
"Are you sure?"
"Sensei, we're not giving up our first C-rank. Do you know how bad that will look on our record?" Sasuke asked, visibly insulted.
"Ah. Well…"
"Besides, Naruto can't turn down sobby backstories," Sakura smiled. "If we left Tazuna-san now, he would surely die," she said, as if she were discussing the weather.
Tazuna gulped.
"As much as I wouldn't care if he did," Sasuke continued, making Tazuna take a step away from him, "this Gato is leeching a possibly valuable resource." He didn't elaborate on what sort of "resource" the Wave country would serve as.
Kakashi sweatdropped again. "If you say so…"
"You know, when you said, 'Let me handle this, you three', I was expecting you to win," Sasuke said, staring at the water prison hovering over the lake. "I thought it wouldn't be so pathetic. I'm disappointed."
"Sasuke, don't be mean," Sakura commented, hands in her pockets.
"Sensei, don't you think it would be smart to cover your eye? You're just wasting chakra right now," Naruto pointed out.
Pulling his headband down, Kakashi continued yelling at his idiotic students. "Run away now! You can't face him!"
Zabuza laughed. "Your genin are more amusing than you," he told Kakashi with a grin.
"Don't you dare," Kakashi threatened, scowling.
"I've decided," Naruto declared, closing his book. "Level five."
Paling, Sasuke and Sakura rapidly started walking backwards until they could grab Tazuna. "Run now," Sakura squeaked, turning to flee. When he wasn't fast enough, she simply lifted him into the air and began running at top speed.
Zabuza raised an eyebrow as Naruto started walking towards the lake. "What does this brat plan to do?" he asked in mild curiosity.
"Naruto-" began Kakashi.
"Don't worry, sensei, my foxy friend is going to help," Naruto interrupted, plastering on an idiotic smile. "Dattebayo," he added for good measure, sending a thumbs-up to a plant.
"This one's an idiot," Zabuza deadpanned.
Kakashi's eye widened.
Naruto began making hand seals behind his back.
"Bunshin no jutsu," he called out.
Hundreds of clones appeared around them. "Even if there are a thousand of you, it won't help," Zabuza taunted, beginning to make hand seals of his own. "Besides, those are just illusions."
A puff of smoke later, Naruto grinned up at Zabuza from inside the water prison. "Dattebayo!" he waved.
"What?" Kakashi gaped at him. His Icha-Icha book lay on the ground where Naruto had been standing. "Why did you substitute in here?! How did you substitute in here?!"
"Magic," said Naruto spreading his hands in a 'the more you know' way in the cramped space before the Kyuubi's chakra began leaking from his hands into the water prison. Zabuza stared at them in confusion and alarm.
As one, the clones charged.
And then exploded.
It was beautiful.
"Ah, art," Naruto sighed.
Somewhere in the world, Deidara sneezed.
From a few miles away, Sasuke, Sakura, and Tazuna watched the forest in front of them light up, standing in abject awe. "T-that- how did he do that," Tazuna stammered, frightened.
"Naruto has many talents," Sakura murmured. "But his heart lies in making things go boom."
"He's an explosions specialist," Sasuke elaborated. "One-on-one, he couldn't defeat Zabuza. He's too strong, and Naruto is still only chuunin-level. But Naruto lives by the phrase, 'If you can't beat them, blow the whole area to hell'. Naruto made Zabuza underestimate him so he could get closer, and then he detonated."
"Detonated what?" Tazuna asked, stomach churning.
"He detonated," Sasuke repeated.
It took several minutes for the smoke to clear.
Kakashi's ears were still ringing.
Slowly, he opened his eyes, blinking several times. A barrier of red obscured his vision, no doubt the chakra he'd seen flowing from Naruto's hands. Concerning, but not top priority.
The fact that probably a whole square mile of forest had been leveled was concerning as well, but again, not top priority.
"You all right, doggy-sensei?" Naruto asked cheerfully.
"No injuries," Kakashi replied, shaking himself out of his daze. "Naruto, what was that?"
"Several hundred exploding kage bunshin, a few of whom I handed some bags full of my best-quality exploding tags…among other things," Naruto beamed. "Do you think he died?" he asked, letting the shield down. Zabuza's water prison collapsed into a tiny puddle.
Kakashi walked across the charred ground, lifting his headband to scan the area. In the distance, he could see two chakra signatures, surrounded by what seemed to be a bubble of chakra. "He's still alive, but only because someone saved him," he said. "That was…impressive." Terrifying.
"Thank you, dog-sensei. Let's go see if we can catch them!" Naruto said, breaking into a sprint before Kakashi could say 'Naruto no'.
When they happened upon Zabuza, the sight was less than fun. Most of his body was burnt, bleeding and not a healthy-looking color. A hunter-nin crouched over him, panting, as the last remaining parts of what appeared to be a dangerously-thin ice wall collapsed around them.
Zabuza yanked himself to his feet, barely able to lift his sword. "You," he slurred. "This isn't over-"
"You should give up," Naruto said. "As it stands right now, it will take a few years, or maybe a few months with how stubborn you are, but you can make a full recovery with the help of your accomplice. If you choose to fight Kakashi-sensei now, you will die. He may be tired, but you are at an obvious disadvantage."
Kakashi stared for a moment at his charge's expressionless face, trying not to be creeped out by it.
"Zabuza-sama, I am sorry, but he is right," the accomplice spoke up, voice quiet. "I was not able to protect us from the blunt of the blast." Naruto could see he was injured.
"Besides," Naruto said lightly, flipping open a pocket watch Kakashi had never seen him with to check the time. "I've heard there's a new Mizukage in town," he said. "Ever heard of someone called 'Mei'?"
For a moment that dragged into a whole minute, the other three simply stared at him. "Besides," Naruto continued with a shrug. "If you were to ally yourself with a village rapidly rising to a respected position once again, I'm sure any goals you had would be much more within your reach."
"You…brat," was all Zabuza could say, eyebrow twitching. A moment later, a senbon pierced his neck, and he fell over anti-climatically.
"I am sorry," said the boy, seemingly to Zabuza's downed body. "But we must accept his offer." He turned to Naruto, slipping the mask off. "I humbly thank you for being so merciful."
I wasn't expecting that, Naruto thought.
"Uzumaki Naruto," he said, extending his hand.
"I am Haku," was all the boy said, shaking his hand before wrapping Zabuza's limp arm around his shoulders. "I am in your debt, Uzumaki-san." He would have disappeared into the trees if he could have, but there were no trees.
When they had gone, Kakashi turned to Naruto and gave him an appraising look. "Naruto, you just leveled a mile of forest."
"I couldn't just leave you there," Naruto said, insulted. "I mean, sure, I disobeyed you, and for that I apologize," he said, slipping his book out. "But people who leave their comrades to die are even worse than those who disobey their superiors." He started towards where he could feel Sasuke's chakra.
Kakashi stared at his back, feeling like someone had just dumped a bucket of cold water on him. He still hadn't mentioned that phrase to his students.
"Inari, you're testing my patience," said Sakura with a tense smile.
"You people are going to die!" Inari yelled.
"I'm terribly sorry," Inari's mother apologized.
Inari ran out of the room, slamming his door upon reaching the upstairs.
"I'm so sorry," Inari's mother said again, stress lines apparent on her face.
"Naruto, go talk to that boy," Sakura ordered.
Naruto's eyes were glued to his book. "Why?" he questioned.
"Just do it."
Sighing, he closed his book and got up, leaving the room while Izuna lounged on the floor.
He found Inari sniffling on his windowsill, plopping down beside the boy and opening his book again. Silence reigned.
"What do you want? Get out of my room," the boy said.
"No."
"…"
"You shouldn't treat your mother like that," said Naruto.
Inari glared at him. "What do you know?"
"I don't have a mother," Naruto said, almost robotically, and the boy jerked. "I suppose I am unqualified to talk of such things, then."
"…I didn't know," Inari muttered, staring at the ground.
"I also do not have a father, or a grandfather. I never have."
"Why are you telling me this?" Inari asked, rubbing at his eyes.
"You have gone through pain, but you are also very blessed to have a family who cares for you. Don't you see it hurts them when you act like that?"
Inari frowned. Naruto's expression hadn't changed, his gaze still lingering on the pages. "Your mother had tears in her eyes. Does it make you happy to see her cry?" Naruto continued. "Do you not think she is grieving as well?"
"I- I dunno," Inari replied.
"Perhaps you do not believe in heroes. That is okay. Many people don't. I don't consider myself a hero. I only want to help people. However, by not believing, you are disrespecting the memory of the one you called a hero. Do you not believe him a hero anymore?"
"He died anyway in the end," Inari argued.
"Heroes die," Naruto replied bluntly. "You aren't the only one in pain. My teammate Sasuke-kun saw his whole family slaughtered by his older brother. My sensei has lost almost every person in his life he cared for, his father, his teacher, his teammates. I have never had a family like yours. My point being, none of us sit around feeling sorry for ourselves just because we've experienced loss. Everybody experiences loss. Pain isn't something to go around comparing to others' pain, in some competition of 'I have it worse. You don't have the right to feel that way.' The world would be a better place if everyone used their pain to make others' lives brighter. Instead of sitting around helplessly, do you not think it would honor your father's memory to become a hero like him and protect your village? If you decide it is so, I will do everything I can to help you, Inari."
Naruto clicked his book shut, rolling back off the sill. He left Inari there, staring out his window, oblivious to the three people listening in.
"It's very quiet today," Naruto commented, tracing the edges of his book as his clones helped the bridge builders.
"For some reason I was expecting some big attack," Sasuke said, leaning on the railing beside him. "Not that Gato still won't attack, but I doubt it will be of the level of ferocity as if he had a shinobi with him."
"He may find another," Naruto replied.
"Not within a day."
Naruto jerked. Sasuke gave him a questioning look. "Bandits attempted to attack Inari and his mother," Naruto explained. He'd left four clones at the house. A smile lifted the boy's lips. "Inari finally got out of his slump."
Sasuke eyed him. "His adopted father was following him around the whole time, wasn't he?"
"He went all gooey-eyed at your little speech," Izuna snickered.
"He was very happy to see Inari protect his mother so doggedly. I'm gonna tell him before we leave."
"You think he'll believe you?"
"Children tend do. Konohamaru does."
Ah, Konohamaru- Naruto's Number One Fan.
"Naruto," the Third said in a tired voice, "you can't submit this as your identification photo."
In his hands he held a printed picture of Naruto, dressed in white and red makeup and wearing a ridiculous costume. The silver-haired man behind the Hokage was smirking.
"Why not?" Naruto asked, waving as a ghost passed by the window. Sarutobi rubbed his forehead.
"Well, for one, we need to actually be able to identify you," he explained.
"I feel I am very identifiable," Naruto said.
"It is unbefitting of a shinobi to use this as their photo."
"I feel I am very dignified in this photo."
"Naruto!" Iruka roared, slamming his fist on the desk. "Be serious about this!"
"I am serious about this!" Naruto exclaimed.
"I think it's perfectly acceptable," said Izuna with a smirk. "Good job." He patted Naruto on the shoulder. A chill went through him.
"See?" Naruto said. "Izuna agrees with me."
Sarutobi placed a hand over his eyes. "Naruto."
"Yes, jiji."
"Refer to the Hokage with respect," Iruka muttered at the desk, having said this over and over for years.
"Well, if it means that much to you, I suppose I can use a different one," Naruto said, struggling not to laugh.
"Thank you."
The door burst open. "Old man! Your title is mi-IAAAHN!" he devolved into a scream as he felt tumbling to the floor.
Naruto stared. Izuna laughed. Tobirama gave everyone a disapproving look.
"Hey! You tripped me, didn't you?"
"What?" Naruto replied, blinking at the finger pointing at his face.
"You tripped me!"
A vein began twitching on Naruto's forehead. He was used to taking disrespect from basically everyone in the village, but from brats younger than him ? "You brat," he snapped, grabbing the boy's collar. "Maybe you tripped because of that stupidly long scarf you're wearing. Before pointing your finger in my face, maybe you ought to learn how to walk properly."
Konohamaru glared at him. Ebisu came crashing through the door, panting. "You!" he exclaimed, pointing at Naruto.
"Me," Naruto agreed. He recognized the pervert from many, many encounters.
"Unhand the Hokage's grandson at once!"
"Hmph!" went Konohamaru, smirking. "Won't hit me now, will ya? Not now that you know I'm the Hokage's grandson!" he taunted.
Naruto was silent for a moment. "Am I supposed to give a damn?" he thundered, expression transforming with rage.
Crunch.
After that day, Konohamaru had been his number-one fan.
Naruto was interrupted from his reminiscing by the bridge builders shrieking.
Sasuke nudged his shoulder. "We're on," he said.
Naruto's clones turned as one, pulling out copies of the katana Sakura had bought him. She'd gotten a great deal at her new BFF's weapon shop, evidently.
"Don't use explosives, okay?" Sasuke said, giving him a meaningful look. "Sensei would just make us stay here and help them rebuild the whole damn thing."
"True," said Sakura, popping up behind them.
Gato had lined up with a menagerie of bandits, thieves, and low-level missing nin, wearing a predatory grin. Team Seven was not impressed.
"Hey Gato!" Naruto turned, stars replacing his eyes when he saw the villagers lined up with Inari leading them. "This is for my dad!"
Unfortunately, both sides decided to charge, making their job of 'protect every villager' more complicated than it really needed to be.
"Hello, Naruto," Kakashi said cheerfully, popping up at his side in the midst of battle.
"Hi, doggy-sensei," Naruto chirped, his book still open in one hand as he swung his blade. He often forgot to put it up.
Aw, he's mimicking me! Kakashi thought, anime tears streaking down his face.
Several bandits went flying overhead courtesy to Sakura.
"Hello, Inari," Naruto said, sidestepping around a bandit to shield the little one. Inari gazed up at him with shining eyes, and Naruto felt like a sunset was about to appear.
He'd been hacking and slashing at vital tendons and muscles, making sure none of them would ever hold a weapon again. Inari held a gardening can in one hand and a rake in the other. He's getting there, Naruto thought.
"Gato!" he heard Sasuke shout, shortly before a portion of the bridge lit up in flames. There was screaming, and blood.
Good ole Sasuke.
Survivors were rounded up easily, with Gato swinging from a building while villagers laughed and threw cabbages and tomatoes at him.
What an honorable waste of food.
"Bye Inari!" Naruto waved as he jogged across the bridge, oblivious to the moniker Tazuna decided to give it.
"I feel like this was, ultimately, a great learning experience," Sakura said.
"How so?" Kakashi asked, raising one visible eyebrow.
"Well, we've overthrown a dictator and freed a country. That's got to count as experience for something."
"We didn't actually do much, though," Sasuke added.
"Yeah, we just beat up some bandits. It was a little bit boring," Naruto said.
"And watched Kakashi-sensei get beaten up," Sasuke said with a smirk.
Kakashi sweatdropped. "I didn't actually lose, you know."
"Hey, if they fought again, who do you think would win?" Sakura asked with renewed vigor.
The three thought for a moment. "Probably Zabuza," Sasuke said at last.
"Hey!"
"Probably Zabuza," Sakura agreed.
Alligator tears started to run down Kakashi's cheeks. "My cute little students have no faith in me," he muttered.
"I dunno, I would bet on doggy-sensei," Naruto said, completely ignoring said sensei in favor of starting a betting pool. "Five hundred ryo."
"Five hundred on Zabuza," Sakura grinned.
Anime tears falling in rivers, Kakashi wrapped himself around Naruto's shoulders. "One student believes in me."
"Don't be embarrassing, sensei," Naruto deadpanned.
"Naruto-chan is my favorite."
"That's favoritism," Sakura accused.
"Really?" Sasuke snarked. "I never would have guessed."
Once again I must specify that this is not my fanfic it's Pitch Black Magpie which has written this fanfic.