Kiss Of Snow

by Swanna

To make Kondo a great samurai was Hijikata's goal in life. His simple world became complicated on the night he met a pureblood demoness, Asuna who came from a realm devoid of feelings. As she was granted the permission to stay with the Shinsengumi, he soon discovered this icy cold demoness who initially knew nothing of emotions was actually very capable of passion {A Vampires Tale}

35. Chapter 35: Winter Heart

Part-Time Beta Reader and Casual Co-Writer: Waffle (Thank you for being the bestest!)

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Kiss Of Snow

By: Swanna

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Chapter 35: Winter Heart

Sunrise had already stretched above the billowy white clouds and brightened the eastern sky when Asuna entered the Shinsengumi courtyard. She'd spent a restless night at the waterfall meditating to control her fragmenting thoughts and emotions; to handle the broken pieces inside of her like she'd always had in the past. But no matter how well or hard she'd tried this time, her world was still clouded by distraction and chaos, leaving nothing but exhaustion and the all too familiar shattering emptiness in its place.

"Shinohara-san, you're back!" Chizuru exclaimed in surprise upon laying eyes on her. She hurriedly put down the broom and sprinted over towards Asuna, instant relief flooding across her delicate features. "Where were you last night and this morning? The way you rushed out of Sumi so suddenly like that had us all worried."

"I don't need anyone to worry about me. You of all people should know I can take care of myself," Asuna said, every remaining ounce of her control wrapping the words in icy iron.

"We were afraid something had happened. Hijikata-san ran out of there as if the room was on fire only a short moment after you left, and we assumed he went chasing after you."

Just the mention of his name gave Asuna the smallest frisson of uncertainty and made her feel things she shouldn't. The physical memory of passion washed over her once again, leaving her senses reeling. Despite her most extreme efforts and all that had happened last night, she could still feel the tendrils of forbidden warmth rippling through her, unfurling and taking root. Of how her lips tingled from the contact of his mouth on hers. Of how his lips had felt as they pressed against the arch of her neck; his tongue and teeth gently nipping at the pulse point of her throat. Nails curling into her palms, she fought against the staggering feeling that threatened to undo her resolve. To undo her.

The increasing silence was evident enough to spur the other demoness on. "Are you still feeling unwell? Can I get you something? Is there anything you need?"

"I'm leaving here today." It was a sullen, determined statement so definite, so absolute, that nothing could shake it.

"Did something really happen? Are you going somewhere again? When are you returning?" Chizuru asked with caution, her eyes widening with each subsequent question, taken aback by the unexpected proclamation.

Even though Asuna's chest suddenly tightened as her heart thundered against her ribs, she still managed to seize the chance to steel her resolve. "I am not returning."

Another deafening silence. "Why are you leaving?"

It was a struggle to even keep a meager fraction of her frustration from seeping through her tone when she said, "Because I want my old life back."

Her old life where she didn't have to feel so much.

"Have you told Kondou-san and Hijikata-san? Do they know you're leaving?" The younger demoness was growing progressively alarmed and distraught now that the reality of the situation began to sink in.

"They will know after the fact." The Shinsengumi's Vice-Commander would be livid, she supposed, his pride wounded. But she would be long gone before he found out.

Then he wouldn't be able to do anything, except carry forward and live a life of his choosing again. A life that he could share without anyone getting hurt or wanting what could never be. The kind of life a woman would be willing and eager to share with him.

But that woman could never be her.

Asuna focused. "I only came back to let you know in person."

The questioning look returned to Chizuru's gaze. "Why just me?"

"I promised to show you the demon way of life. While I had no intention of breaking that promise, I can't allow it to bind and prevent me from moving on." If she was to survive, she needed to move on with her life just as Hijikata needed to move on with his. They both needed closure, and this was the only way they would get it. Something she should've done long before now.

"You're not breaking your promise, Shinohara-san. You've already taught me a great deal, starting with how to accept myself for what I am and not what I want others to think I am. It's taken me all this time to be honest with myself and with Harada-san." The words being spoken were from somewhere deep within Chizuru, some part of her that had been hidden back in the past. While her lips curved upward, there was an unrepentant quality to her eyes when she carried on. "I now know the woman I thought myself to be is only a portion of the woman I truly am, and the woman I want to become."

Driven by a strange, compelling curiosity, Asuna had to ask, "What would that be?"

"I want to be a woman that stands by Harada-san's side and supports him. No matter how hard or difficult a situation may be, I want to be able to meet the challenges of life with him without flinching."

Asuna had never cared enough to acknowledge the depth of the younger demoness's devotion to a mortal man, but this conversation forced a realization to settle in on her. What Chizuru felt for the man was not a mere passing infatuation. These were not shallow feelings. These were conflicting and complicated feelings that encompassed an endless string of compromises until she had nothing left to sacrifice.

Feelings that Asuna could never express or give free rein to.

"Your courage has brought you this far, but sheer courage alone is not enough. You will only suffer if you remain obstinate and insist to stay here with a mortal man." The reply came out in a manner necessary, her voice a colorless monotone.

A hint of sadness tinged Chizuru's smile, and she shook her head. "I'm not strong like true demons are, and I'm not as courageous. I'm also scared that one day Harada-san will walk away, be taken away or decide later this isn't what he wanted. But the thought of ever being truly apart from him terrifies me even more. That's how I know I can face any hardship or danger as long as I can be with him."

Asuna didn't understand why Chizuru was pushing so hard, why she was willing to give so much of herself to a mortal man, and why she was so adamantly, irrationally persistent about it all. And this interminable longing that seemed to grip this blighted couple, until they felt it in their very bones, in their blood. Even then, it still refused to loosen its unrelenting grasp.

She didn't understand any of this.

"How do you know?"

Puzzled, Chizuru asked, "What do you mean, Shinohara-san?"

Asuna paused, but not before her tone betrayed her curiosity. "How do you know Harada Sanosuke is the one for you?"

The younger demoness's expression smoothed into something that was almost peaceful, but with a firm conviction. "Because I can't imagine my present or future without a glimpse of Harada-san in it."

At a loss for words, Asuna could only stare at her in confusion. In that one instant, Hijikata's voice sprung to her mind.

"I guess sometimes you don't even have a choice in the matter and no one really knows until it happens. Then it all just becomes clear one day and you begin to realize you can't live without this person."

Her bewilderment only compounded as she remembered his response when she had once asked him the very same question.

Why? Why was everyone under the delusion of love so readily and easily, willing to place themselves in positions where they became incapable of living without the other? Why did such an arbitrary and baseless notion seem to nurture the struggling seeds of hope planted in the midst of their darkest hours, quelling their desperate hunger for something that made them all the more vulnerable? And why subject themselves to an avoidable vulnerability that would only manifest as searing pain etched deeply into their beings?

Yet Hijikata, Sanosuke and Chizuru all appeared to be unafraid to embrace their emotional fire and fiery passion; unafraid to need, even if it was a self-destructive need that was tearing them to pieces. Perhaps she may never understand their never-ending overtures of passion and affection, regardless of how well she understood the three of them.

Having no inclination to dive into this morass of complexity further, she returned to their earlier topic of conversation. "Your frank admission of your own shortcomings shows you are braver than you realize." Much braver than Asuna could ever be. "But as I said before, courage alone cannot prevail against iron and steel. There is still much to learn if you want to stand by Harada Sanosuke's side as his equal. Your physical abilities can only be brought out by rigorous and ruthless training."

Chizuru gave an earnest nod. "I understand. I will make sure to continue my training with Osen-chan and Kimigiku-san in your absence. In my free time I'll also practice swordplay with Saito-"

"If you think I intend to pass on my responsibilities to someone else, then you are mistaken," Asuna interrupted, cutting her off. "It's in our interest as demons to keep our promises and live up to ourselves."

To live with honor and integrity meant keeping their word to themselves and others, even when it would be easier to do otherwise and take another path. Regardless of whether they were humans or demons, these critical moments in one's life were what helped to define their characters. Except demons would only pursue that honor to its limits and beyond.

"But…"

"If you want, we can meet outside these walls every week and resume our training away from the Shinsengumi headquarters."

The younger demoness couldn't prevent a note of cheerfulness from filling her voice. "If…If I can get permission from Kondou-san and Hijikata-san, I would love to be able to do that!"

The Shinsengumi had always been protective of Chizuru. Of course, the bestowal of such protection came in return that she needed their permission for every act, every small decision. Although Asuna didn't doubt their good intent, the knowledge of demons obtaining permission from mortals to be able to do anything left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"I will come back for an answer in two days."

"Shinohara-san," Chizuru took a long time to begin again, her expression troubled. "Are you really not going to tell Hijikata-san?"

"What good would it do? It won't change what's bound to happen." The words of resolution came from her in automatic response. Though for some reason, day after day, even Asuna began to wonder if she was trying to convince the world, or just herself.

One thing was certain though - she needed to leave Hijikata Toshizou, and all of this, behind. Leave, before she completely lost her heart to this mortal man who would ruin all her plans for a different life. She couldn't afford to be so…beset by him.

Once she left him, she would be at peace again. The chaotic tide of emotions that churned inside her every time he was near and putting her at risk of soul-savaging pain would be erased, all becoming less than a memory. And her life would settle to something bearable once more.

"I have a feeling that he is going to be furious when he finds out you left without telling him."

Asuna tried to concentrate on their conversation. But her mind kept replaying the events of last night and the exasperation that had remained on Hijikata's face when he'd left the room, and the memory grappling with her focus.

The rigidity of his posture, the tenseness in his manner, the way he had scowled at her all signaled displeasure, as though she had in some way given offense and she was the focus of his incandescent anger. And that glare, the one that turned his enemies' blood cold, she might as well have been kneeled before her executioner. Though a part of her would've preferred it to be so. The executioner would have at least granted a quick, clean death, whereas the Shinsengumi's Vice-Commander had only been drawing her punishment out at an insufferable pace.

By all rights Hijikata did have reason to be furious with her, yet his fury could not possibly match what she currently felt towards herself. Because when he'd wanted to kiss her, encouraged by her allowances not once but twice, she'd never pushed him away. If only she could fabricate a logical excuse for her own behavior, could rationalize her inability to control her response to him. But there wasn't one. It was the circumstances that were forcing him to behave as he had, on account of her indiscretions. His feelings and sensibilities deserved more consideration in this situation than she had given them.

When Asuna spoke again, her mental disturbance had been replaced with clear purpose and cool command. "He will turn from his anger when he comes to terms with reality." It was a response of deliberateness and finality to end the discussion. The younger demoness didn't take the hint.

"But what about Hijikata-san's feelings for you? Don't they matter?" she asked, imploring and insistent. "He's harboring feelings for you, right? And you for him. That much I think I've gathered."

Without blinking, Asuna looked into the younger demoness's eyes. Chizuru held their stare for what seemed like an endless time, though it was just a matter of seconds. No urge to flinch, no looking away. As if she was attempting to follow the darkness in Asuna's eyes back to their innermost core.

Asuna felt as though the power of speech was beyond herself. She wasn't sure if she could respond, let alone think of what she might say. Should she dispute those words? Should she vehemently protest? Secrets bound her in every direction, entangling her in a way that seemed impossible to unravel. And what would be the point? If Chizuru could read it on her, then there was no denying it.

Anyone who had ever known her in the past would have failed to peer into her very soul and unmask her for all the rest of the world to see. Not this Shinohara Asuna, not who she was today.

Everything was irrevocably changed. She had changed. And these changes, they were perceptible, fathomable and transparent. There was no hiding from the truth.

Faced with impartial questions, which seemed to plead for sensible answers Asuna was finding difficult to provide, she could only manage, "Even if I could look past the fact that he is human, he and I are from different worlds. Our nature, values and temperament are all very different. We are not right for each other."

"You are opposites in every way, but I can't deny there's something special about the connection I see between both of you." Chizuru's persuasion was sincere, almost with an ardency she apparently could no longer contain. A nonessential sentiment, but not unexpected coming from a demon with a pure heart of boundless goodwill towards all beings irrespective of race; who always put others first naturally and without a thought. "It's not always easy to form a connection with someone and maybe I'm overthinking it, but doesn't it also make such a connection a very rare thing between a demon and a human?"

Chizuru's words were hitting her like a thousand stones. She didn't know what to do with them, how to make her mind understand them.

That was the exact reason why Hijikata Toshizou was so dangerous to Asuna, why she had decided to keep her distance and separate from him. A choice between a precious and rare connection, and her sanity and concentration; the rules she'd made for herself which took her the rest of the way to being the kind of demon she wanted to be.

"There you are, Yukimura-kun." A man's voice from behind them interrupted them. Kondou-san is having a meeting with the leaders at the moment and he asked for you to bring them some tea."

"Yes, I will do it right away, thank you Inoue-san," came Chizuru's swift reply before returning her attention to Asuna again, who was more than ready to push aside the conversation they clearly didn't need to have.

"Do what you need to do. We will talk again."

Acknowledging her with a hesitating nod, Chizuru then turned and began to walk away with Inoue. No sooner after they left, Asuna was about to stroll out of the courtyard when she felt a tap on her shin and looked down. Yoshiro was there, petting at her leg as though asking to jump into her lap. She had already delayed her departure much longer than she should have. But for now, she wanted to spend a few more of these last moments with her cat that had managed to bring some light into what was often a very dark place inside her.

Reaching down, she picked up the cat and held it in her arms. "My time with you is coming to an end."

Yoshiro meowed as if he understood the words spoken and was interposing comments of his own. Perhaps he did. Oftentimes, he seemed to understand people when he wanted. A loud purr escaped his throat when Asuna scratched under his chin, and he nuzzled against her shoulder.

"I cannot bring you with me. But you can remain here with the Shinsengumi, they will take better care of you than I can."

She continued to pet and stroked the cat, marveling at the way her oppression dispersed at the feel of its rumbling purr. Until she sensed a familiar demonic aura that made her spine lock – right before a voice spoke from behind her.

"Even after everything that has happened, you still have so much faith in these humans. You sure those imbeciles will be able to live up to your expectations?"

Asuna turned around - where the voice that held that unmistakable mocking timbre of disappointment had emanated – only to find herself face-to-face with the demon she had every reason to be wary of.

X X X

"The Shinsengumi is being summoned to protect the Shogun in Nijo Castle?" Shinpachi's jaw dropped open in disbelief.

The humor in Sanosuke's expression flared to a broad grin when glancing over at his friend. "Better pick up your jaw before you slobber yourself." Composure came more quickly to the redheaded Captain, even though he too, felt captured by the moment.

Hijikata looked from one to the other. "This is a big step forward for us. A real chance to prove ourselves," he commented, knowing that their time had come. Time to reap the benefits of their long-lasting anticipation.

As the Shinsengumi's Chief, Kondou's confidence was carried in his straight back and square gaze. "Yes, and we must do everything in our power to make Tokugawa-sama's safety our priority."

The sternness in Hijikata's face didn't show a flicker of change. "There are plenty of enemies out there who want nothing better than to get their hands on his lord, and they would take whatever opening they have if opportunity knocked." Though the Shogun's enemies should know better. There would be virtually nothing the Shinsengumi wouldn't do to protect that man's life.

The Shinsengumi's reputation as the Wolves of Mibu, ruthless in their retributive punishments, wasn't for nothing. They had built all this from the ground up, taking upon the task of protecting the innocent and standing up against the scum who preyed on the weak. After years of uphill battles, paving their passage and giving their indefatigable contribution to rid Kyoto's streets of undesirable criminals and secure order, the Shinsengumi had finally achieved recognition for their bravery and hard work.

While some had questioned their wisdom of embarking on such a destructive path, Hijikata and the rest of the men in this room believed in their duty to support their country, especially in times of crisis. An opportunity to demonstrate their worth and thus a path to righteousness and fulfillment. As much as the civilians were frightened of the Shinsengumi, they stood as a symbol of hope for the downtrodden, striking fear into the hearts of those who had once tormented the city.

But their fight was not without sacrifices. They had faced many battles that tested their resolve, hardships and challenges that they bore in order to lay the foundation of the Shinsengumi. Even as they had continued to be incriminated and completely misunderstood time and again, they had always bounced back, stronger than ever. Without the tiniest effort to defend against the accusations fabricated to destroy them, they'd kept on taking the punches, getting ready to strike back harder. Because as the Shinsengumi's leaders, they knew change could not happen overnight. It would take time for the wheel to turn.

Samurai also had to live in ways no others had, all illusions scoured from their eyes, their minds. They looked out into the world from a different place. A place filled with sentences of torture, mutilation and hideous forms of painful death. And that wasn't the worst of it. Although Hijikata had been through countless battles over the years, he still never failed to feel the effect of angry frustration over those crushing, wretched scenes of lamented sorrow and grief.

But with Kondou by their side, Hijikata and the others were prepared to withstand any and all tribulations headed their way. Their bond only grew stronger with every victory and setback. They could overcome anything as long as they faced it together; it was a sentiment shared by warriors over time.

"We have to draw them in," Souji stated smoothly, seemingly relaxed and almost lazy. But sharp intelligence glimmered deep in his emerald eyes, and his posture remained turned slightly towards Kondou, as if ready to defend. "Draw the enemies into our web, and then we will kill as many as we can before they can attack the Shogun. It will be a pleasure to destroy them all at the same time." An elaboration made with a chilling emptiness from a man who had seen death all his life and had become accustomed to it. As though his feelings were so numb to it that it didn't even faze him one bit.

Hijikata shot him a glare, his stern expression hardened even more, making sure Souji got a clear glimpse of harshness and severity. "We do not engage in battle unless absolutely necessary."

His implacable response was to emphasize how foolish of an idea it would be to engage in battle in the dark with unknown enemies as they could be anyone, anywhere. Even Tokugawa's friends could turn and become their enemies. That was the problem with allegiance when they were no longer unified or after the same things. And those enemies knew the best place to strike to cripple you.

Souji stayed quiet, but he kept his casual pose and continued regarding Hijikata with an amused expression, the grin never leaving his face. He maintained his arrogance, remained blind to the need for caution and the danger of the downside to his schemes. It was the nature of Okita Souji to both succeed and fail, to solve problems by creating even worse problems.

Kondou nodded in agreement. "Toshi is right. We need to stand our ground and defend against any unexpected attacks. We don't make a move unless we have enough evidence at hand." Hijikata scanned around the room and saw affirmative nods. Only Souji seemed uncertain. He held his glare a moment longer, but decided to let it go for now.

"We will leave in two days if nothing more happens. We need to be prepared," he added as the door to his right slid open, and Chizuru silently entered with a tray of steaming tea. On her knees, she laid the tray down on the tatami mat near Kondou and bowed. The way she took charge of the tea and poured with an easy grace showed practiced efficiency and experience.

Kondou took a teacup from Chizuru and thanked her before turning his attention to Hijikata. "You look exhausted by the way," he pointed out bluntly. "You better get some rest while you still can. You're going to need it."

Hijikata halted, stared. "What is it with you always telling me I look exhausted. I'm not exhausted." A short nap was all he needed to be strong enough to cope again, to be able to regain some semblance of himself. But sleep was the farthest damn thing from his mind. "Don't fuss over me resting. I said I was fine so I'm fine."

Souji quirked a brow. "Grumpy, too."

His narrowed eyes darted at Souji, an unexpected annoyance bordering on hostility filled him. Hijikata could feel the last threads of civility about to snap. Anyone within striking range was fair game for his fury. And there was no doubt what had brought him to this breaking point.

"You're so stubborn, as usual. You need to watch your own stamina and health," Kondou countered perceptively, always seeing far more than Hijikata had meant to show. A man and a friend who cared passionately about the people he knew and loved, but also about people in need he didn't know at all. "That's why I've asked Chizuru to prepare some soothing green tea for us, to keep you alert and refreshed so you can continue working with sustained energy."

Hijikata's irritation rose a notch, deepened at Kondou's bluntness, because he realized it was true. Though he was still not liking the idea of their Commander being overly concerned about his limitations. When Kondou took that tone with him however, he knew better than to argue any further.

"You worry too much," he retorted, his voice growing milder. "Forget about me and just leave the worrying to us. That's what we're here for. You have more tremendous responsibilities to shoulder."

Realizing it was a futile attempt at persuasion, Kondou released a defeated sigh and the matter was dropped. Much to Hijikata's relief. Taking a slow and deep inhalation, his body relaxed a little more, his lungs filling with the breath of life. The fugitive calm he felt gave him time to reflect on all the thoughts swirling around his head. His concern for Asuna was foremost on his mind.

Last night's events came back in a flash of memory. Hijikata recounted the details of when Kondou had summoned him to share the good news from the Shogun; news that was both stimulating and motivating, yet he could hardly be induced to express the slightest interest. He also remembered Asuna had stayed in his mind the entire time during the meeting, always at the edges of his thoughts as he could never quite put aside his worries for her. So as soon as his discussion with Kondou had concluded, he'd rushed back to his quarters where he had left her, only to find an empty room. She was gone. He'd quickly turned back to retrace his steps through the gardens and towards her quarters when he'd gone looking for her. There were no signs of her.

Blindly without direction, Hijikata had ran out scouring street after street, and into the woods. He'd even reached the same clifftop he had taken her, but he still couldn't find her anywhere. The search had gone on all through the night to no avail. Despite frustration holding him rigid, his kimonos were stiff with perspiration and his legs were aching from climbing up and down the ridges, he'd continued pushing through until shards of gold had lit the clouds hovering over the horizon and the inky darkness of the sky began to fade.

By the crack of dawn, he'd eventually returned back to the headquarters. Not only because he needed to fulfill his duties to Kondou and the Shinsengumi, but also and even more so because Asuna needed her space to process what had occurred between them, to sort through her irregularity. He'd understood, hence his mind was made up. In light of their kiss and against his better judgement, he'd allowed her to have it. A little distance could be in their best interests right now even if it was the hardest possible thing he had do. What the fuck else could he do? It was at least until he had a chance to talk to her directly.

Another burning truth was, their swift time apart had done absolutely nothing to temper his desire for her. Long hours of toil since dawn hadn't wiped away all thoughts of last night's dreams and needs. Nothing was even enough to take his mind from the hell he had created for himself. He continued to carry his morning in smoldering anger. The instant he stopped concentrating on something else, the feminine scent of her surrounded him again, engulfing him with an intoxication he couldn't vanquish. That light, floral scent he'd learnt to associate with her, the evocative scent that would always remind him of her.

Hijikata's body grew heavy again. Hungry.

This violent storm inside him, it had nothing to do with anything as ordinary as attraction or desire. Last night, Asuna had smashed his defenses open, aroused him to a boiling point and to fury. It had been a serious lapse, a loss of self-restraint on a scale that he had probably not experienced since the rash youth of his formative years.

Asuna was his reckoning.

And perhaps he should regret what had happened between them because of the consequences they now faced. It might finish everything he had with her, everything that was worthwhile.

But if he were to be completely honest with himself, he wasn't sorry in the least. He had wanted it to happen, had wanted it for as long as he could remember. And he wanted Asuna, as much of her as she was willing to give him. Hijikata regretted nothing beyond the awareness of the fact that he'd pushed her too far, even though it still wasn't anywhere near far enough for him. She wasn't ready to adapt to the ferocity of his needs. Moreover, a demoness who hid behind a brittle armor of defenses that kept the world at bay? Impossible.

Nevertheless, he had let his emotion for Asuna control him last night. What he hadn't counted on was how the raw sexual hunger that she'd incited would make him so angry that it was a white-hot flash through his bloodstream. If he hadn't stopped himself, if he had intended to fully and thoroughly indulge himself until he could shake off the edge that refused to pass since his dreams of her began, he would've had her flat on her back and spreading her thighs to thrust himself into the scalding tightness of her body. And Hijikata would then succumb to the weight of his regret that would without a doubt follow, because she hadn't accepted him completely yet. He knew they both would.

Even so, in that moment when his lips had touched hers, he'd felt certain of her affections that she had tried in vain to conceal, of her acceptance of him. Although presently it seemed as far-fetched as snow in July, Hijikata was convinced he was now in the private territory of her heart, and he wasn't about to give up the ground he had made.

"Thanks for the tea, Chizuru-chan," Souji's gratitude was made in his easy, carefree tone. And it broke into the teeth-clenched intensity of Hijikata's thoughts.

Turning towards Hijikata, Chizuru poured tea and paused, before passing him the cup. He didn't miss the way she kept her head down the entire time she was in the room, nor the way she avoided eye contact whenever possible. A tell, he suspected. A small, personal banner denoting nervousness or impending offense.

His eyes flicked to her hands, then back to her face. "Did something happen?" A question that had all the men's immediate and total attention.

Her head jerked up at his demand and she stared at him, a wave of hesitation washing over her. Whether she was surprised by his authoritative tone or it was something else, he couldn't read her mind. But Hijikata noticed the way her dark brows knitted with concentration. Something had happened, but what? His suspicion deepened like a great abyss.

"Hijikata-san…" Shifting her weight from knee to knee, she looked at him with a troubled expression in her dark eyes as if unsure how to explain what she'd done.

"Is something wrong, Chizuru?" Sanosuke fought to keep his voice controlled, except his face was exuding genuine concern and it pulled her focus to him. "Are you alright?"

For a brief moment, it was as though she paid no mind to what Sanosuke said, his words passed right through her. Her mind was elsewhere. She was distracted, preoccupied – Hijikata could see that distance in her gaze fastened to Sanosuke, who only stared back in waiting silence.

At last, taking a deep breath, Chizuru drew up her spine. Her eyes met Hijikata's again. This time there were no traces of hesitation as she obeyed the immediacy of his glance.

"It's Shinohara-san," she blurted out. Hijikata's heart began an apprehensive pounding. He found he was holding his breath, waiting as patiently and expectantly for her to continue as his frustration-driven tension would allow. "She's leaving."

A thick, brooding silence fell upon them.

Despite all the military strategizing and accumulating the precautions for the Shogun's safety that Hijikata's mind had been subjected to just a short moment ago, it refused to work fast enough to handle all the implications of what Chizuru had just said. When the pieces did begin to fall into place, a vertiginous awareness assaulted him with a violence that was almost physical.

Chizuru's impetuous disclosure brought a frown of contemplation to Saito's otherwise unburdened expression. "Where is she going?" he asked, speaking for the first time.

Shaking her head, Chizuru answered, "No, I mean she's leaving. For good."

She really was leaving here. Leaving him. Hijikata's stomach plummeted and his heart lurched as if someone had shoved it. How had he not seen this coming after last night? He'd been a complete fool to let her out of his sight. The idea of losing Asuna cut through him. It was enough to get him out of his own head.

"What do you mean she's leaving for good? Why so sudden-" The rest of Kondou's sentence died away when Hijikata got on his feet and stormed out of the room, fury beating in every pulse of his blood.

There was no way. No way in hell, he would let her leave without a fight. Did she really think he would let her go, just like that? If she did then she'd be in for a brutal surprise once he caught up to her. Because Hijikata was feeling all kinds of anger brewing inside him, though worse was the jagged sense of pain that was impossible to dispel. Although he wouldn't be the man to deprive her of choice at a crossroad of her own destiny, he wasn't going to just lie down and accept the fact that she'd walk away from him, either. Not this time.

He had gotten way too involved with Asuna on every level. He had allowed her to slip into his life and carve out a permanent place. A place that would become a sheer aching empty shell when she moved on. He'd already had a taste of life without her when she'd left last time. And it'd been a fucking ludicrous and miserable torment heaped upon him that he never intended to repeat. Loving her, furious with her, obsessed with her; angry or wanting or hurting, arguing or frustrated or simply baffled by her, a woman with a mind like a blade and words like arrows – she was a part of him now, and he was a part of her.

Tightening his jaw, Hijikata raced through the hallways to check every room and search for a glimpse of Asuna. He couldn't be too late… No, he pushed the obstructive thoughts out of his mind. He wouldn't be too late. He would find her. And when he did, he would make her see what she meant to him, make her understand that she was just as bone-deep in all this as he was.

X X X

"Why are you still staying with the humans?" Kazama stared at Asuna as he asked the uppermost question, unable to take his eyes off her, his head and heart reeling. As though he had claws digging into his guts, demanding he haul her into his arms and delve into those silken raven locks of hair. If only he could just get over the shattering bodily impact of his first sight of her in weeks, maybe he could think straight. "Are you really so naïve to think your actions wouldn't spur consequences and that you wouldn't pay a price you could never afford? Haven't you learned from your own history?"

He was in a somber and combative mood, hardly skirting the borders of understanding and tact. He'd been short-tempered since he'd found out from Amagiri that she had once again returned to the Shinsengumi. That was why even the presence of his female couldn't divert his impetuous manner nor soften his words. But looking at her now, somehow made their short time apart feel more like an eternity than ever.

"And you obviously haven't learned from your past mistakes either if you decided to set foot in the Shinsengumi's headquarters again." The silvery, cold voice that chilled every nerve fiber in his being did nothing to mar the flawless beauty of her face.

"You think I should be scared of the humans?" Kazama bit off each word and cast her a look of scorn, but without animosity. Instead of recoiling at his evident displeasure, he could feel her eyes studying him, as if searching for answers to some unspoken question. "I'm not scared. I despise them."

The Shinsengumi weren't those witless brutes who had killed and murdered their kind, but they were still humans. It didn't stop Kazama from throwing them all in the same boat. He despised each and every last one of them.

He despised that humans thought they were better than anything else that walked the lands. He despised humans and their wretched delusions of assuming 'godly' power, believing they could conquer the world and control territories. Most of all he despised that humans had damaged the work of nature through greed, by wanting and grasping for more every day at the expense of others whom they thought to be unimportant and powerless. Ultimately the rest of them were destined for everlasting suffering and deaths so those individuals in power could satisfy their appetite for boundless greed. Sheer greed, and nothing but greed.

However, their attempt to exterminate all demons had been their worst contemptible misdeed yet. And much to Kazama's chagrin, the humans had made notable strides. Still, demons would live on. But how many of them were left?

Not enough. He could never forgive that.

Thus, demons would never forget the memory of the attack, the memory that haunted his race as much as it tortured them. Nothing could wash the blood stains of the humans' past from his people's consciousness. Nothing would ever efface the horror and destruction of those life-altering moments in history that had brought their demon world crumbling down around them.

In time, and despite Asuna's stubbornness, he knew she'd learn to despise humans too and she would come to see them for who they really were. Because they would use her, in whatever way they saw fit, to help satisfy their insatiable greed. She would then be left out there to face her worst nightmare alone.

Recalling himself, Kazama turned back to the only demoness who both unnerved and mystified him with her sharp tongue. But there were no words of protest or imprudence from her right now. She only regarded him icily a moment longer, then walked past him into the garden, leaving him to stare after her. Each step she took, quiet and light on her feet, reminded him of a dancer's natural grace as she made her way across the courtyard. He followed forward until they came to stand in the comfortable shade of a tall, lush tree.

In front of them featured a stone-lined pond as a centerpiece, white water lilies and fallen flower petals were spread across the crystal-clear shallows of water. Several kinds of dragonflies, reflecting bright blue, green and gold coloration, were flying round and round in a loose swarm. This tranquil environment intrigued him. It possessed a unique aura of calm at its most serene. Peaceful, as if it were at rest or waiting for the right company to occupy it.

The view may have much to commend, but Kazama's focus was arrested by those long, slender fingers as Asuna stroked the head of the black cat that she still held in her arms in slow movements. This was a rare gesture of affection he'd never seen her display before, which seemed to be in contradiction to her nature. He hadn't expected a demoness, as cold as gleaming ice and snow, to have the faintest clue or desire to care for animals. For the first time in longer than he could remember, a woman had rendered him speechless.

Though his thoughts didn't matter. Because he was more taken by surprise at the intensity of his own delight. He was thrilled. Patience had never been one of Kazama's strong attributes; all his life, it seemed he had been focusing on what came next. This had been particularly true over the past few decades, after his father's death. He had wanted to make his father proud, had wanted his clan's approval and for them to think highly of him. He wanted to be stronger for himself, but more than anything, he wanted his clan to receive the respect they deserved. That meant he needed to step up and demand it. It also meant he'd barely even slowed down to truly and thoroughly enjoy the changing of the seasons or the simple pleasures of life.

But even Kazama's usual tenacity was failing him now. In this very moment, the ice princess's beauty, along with his new knowledge of her true nature, had hiked his physical awareness of her to another almost unbearable level. The fact that he'd discovered something new about her only made him more fascinated.

Asuna bent down and released the cat. Responding with a quiet meow, the cat pulled back on his hind legs and stretched his front paws out before him. A moment later, he jumped on the tree trunk and started to climb, his sharp claws digging into the thick bark to give him purchase. Leaping from a lower hanging branch to a higher one, it finally settled in on a limb of the tree.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, her attention was fixed on him and him alone. Those eyes of hers, bewildering and clear, were now glowing an unnatural shade of sea-blue in the gleaming sunlight; as depthless and eternal as the ocean, deep and unfathomable. It was impossible to believe there was no darkness that lurked within.

"I told you I would come back for you, didn't I?" The question wasn't meant to mock or tease her, it was a simple statement of fact.

"You've done what I needed you to do, namely, keeping your promise to take me to Uchiyama Einosuke." A pause, then she continued, "In the end, you have done more than was asked of you. Your presence is no longer needed."

"You talk as if I'm some mindless servant who will do your bidding, like the rasetsu at your side." Hard on the heels of that thought was a disturbing one. Why did he care? Why did it always make him feel slightly sick whenever the thought of her and that guardian of hers came to his mind? Kazama narrowed his eyes to slits; he kept his power carefully leashed, his temper controlled, his voice even in tone. As he stepped into her personal space, he caught the delicate scent of sweet blossoms and frost. "I must remind you that I do not take orders from you or anyone else."

"One day, I will repay you for saving my life." Her gaze drifted off to the pond for a moment, contemplative. When she pulled it back to him again, she said, "I don't know how yet, and I'm also not going to feel burdened by it. I will repay you for everything, but not with my life." Although her words of gratitude were like a refreshing breeze left in his wake, they were spoken with a haunting tranquility that he found peculiar and provocative; a sharp contrast to his present mood, exacerbating his sullenness. Moreover, it prickled on his skin.

Was she purposely trying to confuse him? So that she could figure out how to best him? Then again, why should it matter to him? He came out here for his hunt and to stalk his ultimate prey. She would be his. Inside Kazama smiled. Whatever she was up to, she'd better be ready, because she wasn't going to win this one.

"Are you still refusing me and fighting what is meant to happen?" Jutting out his chin, Kazama brought his face dangerously close to hers. "It will happen whether you want it to or not. You will become my mate."

Without breaking eye contact nor being intimidated by him, she continued regarding him with steely eyes. "I am Shinohara Taiyō's daughter. That much you have managed to gather, but aside from that, I am nothing. I do not have royal blood within me and I am certainly not the only pureblood demoness in existence. Soon you will encounter one who will be much easier for you to reach. Why do you insist on wasting your time on me?" There was nothing mocking, cruel or condemnatory in her voice. She spoke as though purely curious as to his response.

In some measure, she'd asked the right question. Now Kazama would circle in for the final blow. He tried not to act smug or amused when he answered, "Who said I was wasting it?"

It was a little reminiscent of their first encounter, he had to concur. Though Asuna didn't come from a royal background, she had always reminded him of a princess from the very first time he'd seen her. No matter what her situation or temperament, it was just in the air about her and the way she held herself. How anyone could look at her, with her noble air and regal demeanor, and define her as something common was beyond him.

Kazama knew that she was quite good at hiding her true thoughts beneath a calm appearance. As impressed as he was by her control and discipline, he was not easily misled or deceived. At least not that easy. For all her nonchalance, she was also entirely devoid of artifice. She never wanted to entice or ensnare. And that ironically, was what he found pleasing. She wasn't immune to his flirtations, but she was doing her very best to ignore them. Unfortunately, her reluctance only fired his blood.

She was so unlike every other demoness of his acquaintance. Any other demoness would have been using this opportunity to seduce him. Any other demoness would have been flirting and simpering, using every feminine wile in her arsenal to engage his attention. He couldn't imagine Asuna flirting. If she wanted something from a man, she'd just threaten him with a sword. The thought made Kazama grin, a return of lightness. Breaking their connection for a moment, he lowered his gaze to rest upon her lips that were so inviting. The temptation to touch those lips that looked bewitching and tenderly soft was strong. He wanted to kiss her, to shock her. He wanted to teach her all the astonishing things she could do with that mouth. The desires this demoness could inspire in a man.

"You know no matter what you say or how much you do for me, I won't change my mind," she said markedly. Her bleak comment pierced his lewd musings like an icy spear. Perhaps that was why she'd done it. "But the more I challenge and defy you, the more your interest in me grows apace. You obviously enjoy challenges, but you're even more driven to win."

His ice princess may have some prickly edges liable to draw blood whenever Kazama came near her, but he wasn't dissuaded. In his experience, the thorniest flowers were usually the ones most worth picking. "You watch me quite closely then, for a demoness who hates me."

The statement hung in the air like an invisible toxic fume. He noticed she had not denied her hatred for him. Her deliberate use of silence eloquently communicated her agreement to his opinion, just like that of her unvarnished spoken words. And there it was again. Without even utterance of any words, she still managed to prick him like the thorn of wild roses, small and slim, digging deeply into his flesh. Although her continuous refusal naturally didn't salve his male ego, he shouldn't care what she thought of him.

But he did. More than he cared to admit.

In a move that bespoke pure female confidence, Asuna squared her shoulders and reaffirmed, "I'm not a conquest for you to mark and claim. You will never get what you want from me. I will never be your mate."

At least she had that much correct. Of course, at the beginning it could have just been mere curiosity for Kazama or the unsettling yearning to want something elusive, out of reach. He was always restless. Always wanting what was denied him as it made the challenge more interesting. The win more gratifying. And Shinohara Asuna was a challenge – a very beautiful and complicated challenge he must conquer. And for reasons he couldn't explain, she had triggered that dormant need in him. The less communicative she was, the more he wanted to know about her and what she was doing.

But that moment when he'd risked his life to save her – recklessly risked his life to be precise – he realized it wasn't as simple as that. Whenever he was alone, he could conjure up her face, her voice, her scent. She probably wasn't the most beautiful woman he'd ever known, but he couldn't actually remember another being more compelling to him. There had never been another demoness in his life he could see so vividly in the quietness of his own mind. There hadn't been another demoness who could make him ache at the thought of waiting, making him feel things he hadn't imagined were possible for him to feel. She was a challenge, yes, and Kazama thrived on a challenge. But this was something he hadn't anticipated, something he hadn't even wanted. This wasn't why he was here.

He wanted her. And he was determined to have her.

In an instant, his grin returned. "Not if you become mine for the taking by right of capture."

Yes. He wanted to tame this feisty demoness. He had fantasized about having those breathtakingly lustrous eyes looking up at him in passion and surrender. But not at the expense of her great pride. Not really. Just enough to keep her in his grounds.

Except right now, Kazama noted, those eyes were aimed at him in a wary perusal, hardening beneath her long feathery lashes as she glared a warning at him. A glare that was much darker, much more blistering than he believed he had ever seen it before. The wave of imperious feminine anger that shot from her, delicate and graceful, might have intimidated a lesser demon.

"I do not understand this mentality, that you think you speak and the world shall obey your will simply because you're the head of the Kazama clan. Out of all things you set in motion, you failed to predict one crucial detail. I set up my own chains of destiny and if you insist on forcing me to submit to your will, I want you to know one thing – your end will come because of me." Her tone, for all its pleasantness, held something he rarely heard in a female demon's voice. The distinctive undercurrent that only clan leaders could actually pull off, and that moment of strength he sensed was palpable.

"Your spirit is admirable, but your dramatics are wasted on me and won't be tolerated once our mating bond is complete," he said in his calmest tones. "Because this is a fight you cannot win."

As much as Asuna tried to contain it, she bristled with affront. Temper crackling in her tone, she said quietly, "You defied even my most rational expectations of how deep your delusion and conceit runs. You would never win me the honorable way." He recognized her attempt in diverting his attack and bringing forth the subject of honor, as she knew he would abide by it. A very clever demoness indeed, but he was certain she knew little about his thoughts other than what he allowed to show.

"A demoness of some willpower, but not by any means invincible." His lips curved into a slow half-smile, then faded just as quickly.

Reining back the dominance within him, a part of Kazama's nature that fought to crash against her cool façade until it cracked, he tamped down the mess of his feelings as was his way. With a lifted finger, he tipped her chin up so he could gaze straight into her eyes and studied her carefully. As if there were all the time in the world.

Kazama was chafed with no small measure of impatience, yes, but he was also brimming with some other emotion he couldn't quite pin down himself when he said, "I in no way wish to hurt you or bring harm to you. So don't hate me or who I am." Of who he'd had to become, in order to survive. "And you are more than a conquest. When are you going to see that? You're much more to me than that, Asuna. You've been more than that for a long time. When you are mine, I will treat you with respect and honor."

Asuna stood silent and still for a long moment. He found it hard to wait, to remain patient and not press her for an answer. He wasn't used to being kept waiting for anything. The slightest change in her expression, the smallest fracture before it was sealed up again, her face an impenetrable mask.

She wrenched away from him. "I believe it's time for you to leave."

Grounding his teeth, Kazama allowed her a very small distance between them. "Fleeing an uncomfortable conversation? Doesn't speak well of your fortitude."

"Don't begin making assumptions. You know nothing about me," she snapped back crisply, quickly reverting to her commanding tone.

She was deflecting. Now, this was getting interesting. "That's not true. You're absorbed, if only by our conversation. Or else you would have flounced off long ago."

Asuna cocked her head, her narrowed eyes on him. "I don't think you understand the meaning of the word. I do not flounce."

She really didn't. But he was amused by her cold anger, especially when she looked like some well-bred, high-sprung horse ready to bolt. Nobody did cold anger better than Shinohara Asuna.

He kept his tone playful, nice even. "On the contrary, when that temper of yours begins to blaze so spectacularly, you demonstrate a most practiced and adept flounce. I imagine it earns all sorts of attention and reaction."

Kazama watched those odd green-blue eyes lighten just a hint and her expression tighten stubbornly. "This conversation is exhausting me. If you're not intending to kidnap me, then I will take my leave." There was a definite emphasis on the one word.

She began to move away from him after making that little declaration, as though the conversation was finished. Every look, every word out of that smart mouth of hers, was a blatant challenge, and it was time to meet that challenge in a way she couldn't refute.

"Earlier you said you sought a chance to repay me," he said, stopping her from walking off. "I know how you can repay me."

Heaving a sigh through her nose, Asuna straightened and turned to face him again, all in one wary slow-motion move. Except this time, inquisitiveness and impatience were radiating from her eyes. She opened her mouth, likely to tell him exactly just what her thoughts were on the matter. But her words were cut off as his mouth came down to claim hers, taking the kiss he wanted.

Her fingers clenched at his kimono, nails digging into his shoulders as she struggled to pull away. He used one of his hands to seize her wrist before she could break free, and with the other, grabbed her waist and held her tightly in his arms. It had been a while since he'd touched her. Asuna's warm skin and lush body stirred up his heartbeat, which had been irritable and chaotic over the past two days since he'd returned to Kyoto.

Her sound of protest never escaped her throat as his lips moved over hers, rough at first, then slowly gentling. Not just her lips, but the press of her breasts against his body tempted him. It slowed him down to savor every movement, every sensation. Kazama fell into the kiss like tumbling down a steep decline. There was nothing to stop his fall, nothing stopping him from giving into the urge and letting desire lure him to a place from which there'd be no return.

It was several seconds, maybe longer, before he realized she wasn't kissing him. Her soft, pliant lips were merely submitting to his mouth. Nothing more. Not that it'd make a difference. This was a kiss he intended taking full pleasure from. A kiss he planned for her to remember as long as her heart held a pulse. He tried to deepen the kiss and teased her lips that refused to part. His body was crackling, alive, as he sank even deeper into the spell she cast. Thoughts disappeared.

Until a strange sensation dawned on Kazama that something was thawing within him, a kind of ethereal feeling gaining possession of him throughout his body. He couldn't quite grasp what that meant in real terms. He would think about it all later…

Because right now, in this precise moment, he knew. No more dancing around the truth, no more faltering and doubts. He knew, from somewhere deep inside his soul, with incontrovertible certainty that Asuna had turned out to be his mate in truth.

His brain stumbled over that realization. His breathing froze. No other demoness could entice him because no other demoness could compare. The thought entered his head unbidden, resonating in his consciousness and demanding him to take in its full meaning. He only wanted Shinohara Asuna. Tempting, unpredictable Asuna. The kind of woman born to drive a man insane, he thought as the flames of his desire burned brighter. But a very special demoness, nonetheless.

All the signs were there. This was why he could never stop thinking about her from the first day he'd laid eyes on her. He had known. He hadn't been able to think straight since he saw her again, he hadn't wanted to leave her alone for even an instant. Not because he thought she needed it, but because he did. Her nearness brought him unexpected pleasure. Each time they'd touched it had been his doing. It was like an obsession of the most pleasurable kind, which promised fulfillment of the highest order in its unfolding.

Each time he was with her, his hunger for her would ratchet upward until he could hardly breathe. And now that he consciously knew the undeniable truth of what she really was to him, the drive to possess her was crushing. But he wasn't an animal, so he wrenched the hunger back under control and forced himself to raise his head; softening, then breaking the kiss.

"Not bad as your act of repayment." Kazama didn't bother hiding his smirk of self-satisfaction. "Not bad at all."

Not bad. That was an understatement. He… liked it. He liked it a little bit too much to be thinking about anything else.

Asuna didn't try to escape from him this time. Her calmness was quite insufferable. It bothered him that her whole attitude was one of a woman completely at ease with herself, and he longed to disrupt that equanimity. But he could think of nothing short of a torrent of invective that might do the trick.

He had been anticipating his fated mate to respond with that fiery temper of hers, followed by an aggressive confrontation. Instead, he was brought to a hard, sudden stop when he saw the depth of her wide-eyed stare illuming an empty quality; a quality that spoke of confusion and distraction. Evidently, she didn't enjoy their kiss as much as he had. Or perhaps a part of her also acknowledged him as her true mate and she wasn't sure how to embrace and deal with this newfound reality.

Kazama rubbed her lower lip with his thumb, brushing the damp evidence of his passion. "What's with that look on your face? I'm not sure if it's a good one or not."

She parted her lips as if to say something, and his eyes instinctively followed the movement. Once more, an intense desire surged over him so strong that not only he could almost taste it, but he also felt a deep-rooted need to kiss her again. Craving more.

However, her focus was on someone or something else just past his shoulder. Her acute interest had him following her sight line to who or what held her notice, stealing her attention away from him. Releasing his grip on her, he turned to see the Shinsengumi Vice-Commander storming towards them, sword drawn.

"Annoying pest."

Just as Kazama was about to pull his sword free and leap within range of clashing blades, Asuna ordered, "You should go, you've caused enough commotion."

Ignoring her absurd command, Kazama continued staring hard at the man launching at him in a ruthless, threatening manner. He was unwilling to leave here without her. Useless humans surrounded her, and none of them would protect her like him. He also had no intention of overlooking this particular self-deceptive Vice-Commander's audacity. He would allow the natural consequences of this pest's foolish action teach the lesson he so obviously needed to learn.

"Kazama," Asuna called his name, forcing his attention back to her face. Her eyes brightened with a vigorous ferocity, brilliant hot and all consuming. "Leave."

The Indigo tendrils of her power, demonic power, had Kazama mesmerized and reconsidering that last thought. Not because he was moved by her intimidation, but because he could feel Asuna spearing her will towards him to stop, and knew she would fight him all the way.

"Next time," Kazama began as he leaned forward. With the taste of their kiss still on his lips, he fixed his gaze on her, making sure she heard his every word. "I'm determined to make you mine no matter what it takes. Just keep that thought in mind."

Setting her jaw, Asuna did not answer him. She didn't see the point. Not when it was painfully clear that Kazama had no intention of going back on his word. It was something she would have to deal with when the time came. She noticed he shot Hijikata another dark glance before accepting her instruction to leave, and he teleported away.

Meanwhile, the Shinsengumi's Vice-Commander was still striding towards her like a man on a mission. Heat bloomed in her core when his gaze collided with hers across the distance. Asuna didn't know why her body was reacting to him, why she was reacting to him. But one thing she did know – she would not face him right now. Not when she had to battle with herself to subdue her inclination of betraying her visceral and unsought reaction to his presence, his voice, him. She only needed to wait long enough to avoid any sort of confrontations with him. Then she would leave, and they would never need to see each other again.

At least that was what she'd told herself as she took to her heels and retreated back into her quarters without a backward glance, slamming the screen door behind her. She felt a sudden, hard tug on the door as someone tried to yank it open. She already knew it was Hijikata.

Not granted a moment of respite, her arm extended and her hand planted firmly against its surface, barricading the door shut. "What do you want?" Her voice came out even, almost placid.

Knowledge was power. Asuna knew she must maintain a poised and composed mind so she could escape him unnoticed. She had no intention of staying in Hijikata Toshizou's presence for one moment longer than necessary. She could vow to remain physically unresponsive to him, but the way her body reacted to his very presence made it impossible. All she could do was to keep those responses to the barest minimum. And in his current mood, he might get her to agree to anything he wanted… even an existence where she would never fit. The thought crossed her mind, it came rapidly before she had a chance to block it.

"Open the door before I break it down!"

After a short while following his heated threat, an angry fist pounded on the door, making the sound of her own heartbeat thud in her ears. Hijikata meant it. He was going to break down the door in order to get to her, creating more commotion, more disturbance than they already had. The last thing she needed was to attract unwanted attention from others who might be nearby.

With a cautionary foreboding nestled in her stomach, she moved away from the door, and he immediately exploded into the room. He stalked over to stand in front of her, breathing like he'd run a long way uphill. Suddenly her view was hard muscle and implacable strength. The wild, sun-and-wind scent of him in her every inhalation, rising to stir something inside her. Beads of sweat glistened on his forehead, his jaw was rigid with tension as he stared at her with the greatest reproach.

"I don't have anything to say to you. There is nothing I want to hear from you, either," she said in her most cutting tone, forcing herself not to take a step back despite the heat of his body being too close, too aggressive.

"Are you leaving without a word?" The single question came out with all his thunderous fury, and Asuna understood in an instant the explosion of the simmering anger he bore her. Nor could the charge be denied, like a tight invisible rope stretched almost to breaking point. An undefined tension wrapped around them, smothering her desire to respond.

Chizuru wasn't supposed to tell anyone about her plans to leave. But on the other hand, did it really come as a surprise? Especially when the younger demoness wasn't expected to lie for her. Even if they were lies of omission. The Shinsengumi had helped Chizuru get settled in Kyoto, and looked after her in many ways. Thus, she felt a certain loyalty towards them. However, although Asuna had expected and understood it; although she didn't blame Chizuru for anything, the trust was broken. She felt betrayed.

"Yes." Realizing his question was rhetorical, she responded anyway. It was the only answer she could offer without giving everything away.

An uncomfortable silence enshrouded them, broken only by the chirp of birds and singing of cicadas. Hijikata also appeared to be letting his thoughts meander through his mind unhindered, until he felt overcome by the futility of it all.

Eyes of violet gemstone narrowed, blazing in all their unsettling splendor. "Why are you leaving?"

"I told you I would leave once the conflict is resolved," Asuna retorted, not willing to be drawn into the same conversation again.

I have to leave, she repeated to herself over and over again. That was the only thing guaranteed to keep her on the straight and narrow path.

Hijikata took a step closer, towering over her, his stubborn stance mirroring her own. "Even after last night?" His voice sounded rougher, hoarser, and all the more dangerous to her self-preservation.

Asuna's clouded gaze still locked with his, seeing the burn of memory in the depths of his eyes. There was barely a hair's breadth between them. He was so close; so overwhelmingly close. She could feel the warmth of his body enclosing her like the finest heated silk, shattering her fragile attempt at control. All the emotions that had been clamoring inside her intensified.

"Especially after last night," she repeated, only more forcefully. Her skin felt too sensitive, her blood too hot.

"So you do remember. And yet you're still pretending that it never happened between us." His tone was now low and thick, rolling over her with the power of his dominance.

Fingertips tightened at the side of her kimono. His comment struck a nerve, a highly agitated nerve far too close to the surface. Hijikata was sure to know what she was thinking, and Asuna wasn't certain she was able to resist his scrutiny. Not when he pinned her with his piercing gaze that missed nothing and promised much. It made her feel as if he were seeing her soul naked, all her weaknesses completely and utterly exposed.

"Nothing has changed and that's the truth you need to come to terms with." Fighting back was pure instinct, her internal composure shattered. "Moreover, you won't want to have anything to do with me anymore. You will only carry regret over it if you get tangled up with a demon again. Just like you did last night."

Hijikata froze. Evidently, he hadn't expected this. Though his expression was still fierce and taut, just like the rest of him. But it was a brittle tautness, one that seemed ready to crack. "Is that what you think?" His male dominance was staggering, demanding her absolute attention. "That I regret kissing you?"

"Why should it matter? I told you before that our relationship was one of circumstance. And when that circumstance comes to an end, so would any tie between us. Now that I'm free from all the upheaval and turmoil, I will move on. And so will you." After a brief pause to allow for the weight of her words to take effect, Asuna continued. "At least, this is what I would like to believe for you," she said, softer this time, trying to convey the sense of honesty she felt in her.

She had wanted to return to the forest, back to her real life. She had wanted to leave without speaking to Hijikata, and even that became an impossibility. However, now she had endured one last straining conversation with him, one that would end everything between them, one from which there would be no turning back.

Last night had changed everything. That was why it should never have happened. That was why Asuna had to leave. And Hijikata needed to understand that. They had both succumbed to their desires born of volition, but in the cold light of day, they both knew there was no future for them. He also had to realize the truth. He did not need to destroy himself right in the prime of life simply because he'd allowed his passions for a demon to rule his head for one spontaneous moment.

As cruel as her words were, they were true. They could never be on equal terms. They came from different worlds and nothing could ever change that. She hadn't been strong last night, hence she had to be strong now.

Asuna stared up at him for the last time, allowing the imprint of his features, the lines and hues of his face, to burn into her memory. The silhouette of his straight nose. The hard angle of his jawline. His eyes flickering like violet embers, blazing fire. That too-long hair falling across his forehead. Her fingers curled into a fist when they threatened to reach out and push back that lock of hair. She realized she didn't want to forget him. Even if it would be a kind of poignant agony when she would think about him. She would be tormented and delighted by every recollection of him, including early ones when they had viewed each other as enemies.

Hijikata Toshizou was like a rugged mountain formed by ice and harsh winds; its summits forbidding, austere and brutal. Yet there were glimpses of verdant peaceful valleys hidden in the shadows of the mountain's raw and breathtaking presence. He was both frightening and passionate. At the same time, the most blatantly stubborn mortal she had ever encountered. The only man who had brought her heart, black-ice and empty, to life.

Taking a deep breath, she started walking past him towards the door. Then, abruptly, she was halted when he snagged her wrist in a forceful grip, pulling her up against his broad chest and tipping her face back. A second later, his voracious mouth slammed down on her own, his other hand plunged into her hair as he tilted her head. Caught off guard, Asuna felt a rush of heat enveloped her as his lips continued to devastate her with the passion and frustration that had eaten at him. His scent of heat and male exertion, the luscious sweetness of blood she could smell pumping furiously through his veins – calling to her, tempting her to take it – flooding her senses.

The kiss was rough, fierce, almost punishing. Hijikata wasn't the least bit gentle. Unlike the other times he had kissed her, this time he wasn't patient. His mouth crushed hers with none of his usual tenderness. The hard, savage pressure of his lips and teeth grinding against hers was not a kiss at all, but a branding. Feeling trapped, suffocated, she shoved at his chest with every last vestige of her strength and slipped out of reach.

"Why are you doing this?" Asuna's voice was sharp with irritation as she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth.

With a snarl of frustration, Hijikata launched himself towards her so quickly that she instinctively backed away from him. A fraction of an instant later she found herself plastered to the muscular strength of him, and strong, rough-skinned hands cupped her face, cornering her against the wall. The surface was cold and hard against her back, his body hot and unyielding against her front side. Growling deep in his chest, he pulled her head back to take her mouth again.

He kissed her harder, unleashing a flock of fluttering wings in her stomach. His lips were ravaging and taking and demanding. Breath coming in small pants, their heartbeats quickened. The rational part of her mind felt in a haze by his need, his vicious need for her as his tongue licked at her mouth, obliterating her voice of reason. She opened her eyes, not realizing she had closed them, and saw Hijikata looking at her through slits in his eyes with a ferocious concentration that made her heart clench inside her chest. He moved his hand across her throat possessively. Not squeezing. Just holding her in place.

"You make me so mad," he murmured between kisses. His voice incredibly raw, like a manifestation of the aching need thrumming between them.

The potent force of his physical need for her was shadowing her mind with all kinds of confusion and disorder. She had never been kissed by any men but Hijikata and Kazama in her whole life. Yet with Hijikata, it felt completely different. It was as though he were reaching in until some hidden, untouched part of her was splintering into shards. Those were all light kisses, but kisses all the same. So then, why was she experiencing these heightened feelings and scathing sensations from Hijikata when she didn't with Kazama?

Reluctantly this time, Hijikata wrenched his mouth away and rested his forehead against hers. His uneven breath stirred the tendrils of hair around her face. He took her hand and flattened it against his chest, knowing that the pulse of his heart would reveal more than words could. His heart thundered beneath her palm.

"Do you have any idea what would've happened if I haven't stopped myself last night?" he asked, his voice ragged. Their foreheads still rested against each other, as if he couldn't bear to part with her entirely just yet. His breath softly warm against her skin. She didn't miss the tenderness in his gesture when he smoothed her hair back, his fingers lingering in the silkiness before cradling her face in his hands again. "Do you know what I would've done to you? I would've forced you into something both of us would regret in the morning."

Asuna's heart stopped for a moment, then pounded against her chest when she replayed those words that seemed to be forced out of him against the effort of his will to withhold them. Standing like this, she had no choice but to meet his gaze and be held transfixed by his eyes, drawn into the deep, burning pools, drowning in them.

She understood now. She finally understood.

Hijikata, tall and strong and blood-loyal to the Shinsengumi, couldn't trust himself with a demon. Because he wanted her so desperately. More than that, he wanted to cherish her. He wanted the boundaries of his passion for her removed until she felt safe with him, and that she belonged to him. He wanted to treat her the way he believed she deserved to be treated, no matter how fiercely he wanted to do that. No matter how fiercely he wanted to be the only male for her.

All of the promises she had made to herself to maintain her distance had crumbled. Promises that she would never reveal anything to Hijikata. That she would never, ever let him see just how much he was going to ruin her. And yet now it seemed that every time she was with him another admission would slide out that betrayed her, scraping off another protective layer of armor and leaving her even more exposed and vulnerable than before.

"Why is that…?" Her voice cracking on the words. Even as she said that, part of her resonated with the tumult of need and pain tearing him apart.

This fullness, this rightness, this… warmth, was a rising tide in her heart and moving her on its own command. She no longer wanted to fight this. Despite her misgivings, the pull of Hijikata's nearness was inexorable.

She could no longer fight this. She wouldn't.

"Asuna-"

"Why am I feeling so much right now? This fire that I feel with you," she whispered, her own soul stripped bare, surrendering to the ache deep in her heart. "The confusion in my mind, the knot of heaviness in my chest. Why am I having all these emotions that are beyond my control whenever you're near?"

"If you still don't understand what these feelings mean then let me show you." It was the softest of whispers that drew her in like a summer rain after a drought. His eyes were no longer stormy violet; they became tender, hopeful. "Stay with me and we will explore these feelings together at length." When his mouth moved along her neck, she couldn't resist tilting her head to ease his way and waiting. "Stay with me. Don't go," he breathed his demand, his lips trailed along the beating pulse of her neck.

Any thought of retreating fragmented, the hunger inside her a wild craving. Hijikata lifted his head and his mouth reclaimed hers once more. He pulled her closer, tighter. He held her so close that her chest pillowed against his powerful torso. As if he was afraid she would disappear, as if he wanted to make sure she was real.

This kiss was different from before. She could tell that even in her ignorance. There was new heat to it, a new intensity; one that bordered on senseless while standing on the edge of the possibility of it all. This was also a kiss with more uncertainty and ambivalence in it, as though Hijikata was exploring some new territory he'd never been before.

"Open up for me, Asuna." Another kiss. His lips on hers, soft and coaxing. "Let me in."

Her breath caught. As much from the exquisite sensation as from the husky enticement of his words. Words she didn't fully comprehend, until he began running his tongue to stroke her lower lip.

The instant she opened her mouth a little more, she felt a tentative, delicate thrust as his tongue slid against hers; exploring, demanding and yet giving at the same time. The lick of flame roared to life inside her body, and her thoughts fractured under a chaos of sensation. She couldn't halt the soft whimper that escaped, the sound startling even to her own ears. The only thing she could do was revel in the fiery sensations invading her as it drained the strength from her body.

His hand was in her hair again, tangling in the silken strands, drawing her head back so that he could deepen the caress at a slow, almost hesitant pace. Over and over, his lips moved against hers, his tongue delving deep inside. Asuna let her lids flutter shut, knowing that regardless of what happened after this, whether they remained together or walked on separate paths in this life, one thing she would never, ever be able to change – Hijikata Toshizou was the first man to lead her into betrayal.

A dull ache, an accepted pain.

X X X

AUTHOR NOTE:

(Warning: Long rambling ahead, so feel free to skip reading the A/N section if you like)

Hi folks, hope you're all doing well!

For those of you who are still following this story, I truly apologize for the sudden hiatus as there has been a lot going on in my personal life last year, so I needed to take a break to prioritize my goals. Mainly due to work-related reasons (and my social life – not going to lie lol), since I was looking for another role within the organization that I work for during that time. I was fortunate enough to receive a promotion and now I'm working in the Governance and Control space, which is a whole new experience for me, and therefore a lot of learning curve too. But I'm really grateful for this opportunity as I have the pleasure to work with a lot of smart people in the Legal and Compliance departments on a daily basis. I also met a lot of great peers and amazing friends who supported and taught me a lot too.

Anyway, I honestly didn't know people were still reading Hakuouki fanfics, as I thought it was a dying fandom. So I must say I was pleasantly surprised to come back and see that this story received so many hits while I was on hiatus. I hope you've been entertained by this story so far and that you enjoyed the plots. I want to give all the previous and new followers of this story a big, heartfelt thank you – especially for being so patient with me.

I can't promise that I am back for good, but these days I definitely do have this itch (to write) that I need to scratch. I also missed writing my troublesome trio, so this chapter certainly hit all the sweet spots for me lol. However, I will be updating this story irregularly due to my unforgiving schedule, so consider this your warning *smiles sheepishly*

Thank you all once again. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter (that took almost 21 months to get written) and until next time!