2 DAYS LATER

The girl had managed to board one of the few trains that had survived the Third Impact. She was simply sitting down, eyes looking out the window for any signs of Shinji. She had her bag next to her as well. It was absolutely dumping down rain outside, so maybe Shinji had headed inside somewhere? She made sure to keep her eyes peeled.

The train moved from station to station, slowly becoming less crowded. Until, eventually, there were only about 6 people on the train including herself. She wasn't giving up. She wanted at least some form of closure with Shinji. She wanted to reconnect with the one person that TRULY understood her. She grabbed the letter from her bag. It was the most important thing inside the bag, which was slightly heavy, with small scraps of metal and canned food inside.

As the train continued on, she couldn't help but think of everything. Her gaze leers away from the train, and at her arm for a second. Her scar, and her eye... a permanent reminder of what had happened that fateful day- and everything throughout her journey as an Eva pilot.

It was a miracle any of the trains of the California Coastline were still working. If anything, the train she was on wasn't even fit for passengers, rather, than a cargo train, but with the state of the world, any mode of transportation would do to try and get the world back on it's feet, which would take a miracle.

Just then, a loud bang was heard from the front of the engine. Apparently one of the engines malfunctioned and was now smoking. The fact that it was raining would now make the task of fixing it even more dubious. However, there was a station not far down the line. The problem was seeing if there would be enough resources to repair the engine of the locomotive.

The station unfortunately was ransacked from most of it's food and resources. The only ones left were that which would be used to repair the locomotive. Still, it was a better place to sleep than the bus back at the baseball field.

She snapped out of her daze, quickly sliding the envelope back into her bag and walking out into the rain. Not like the Plugsuits soaked up water so she didn't really care TOO much about getting wet. She looked at the front of the train, muttering something along the lines of 'fuck' in German. The engine was busted. Fixing it was possible, but she was no mechanic nor was anybody on the train. Sighing, she looked ahead; there was a train station not too far up ahead. Good, somewhere to camp out. Maybe Shinji was there.

Looking to her side, there was some drunken man. He seemed... somewhat fit. Their eyes meet, and the man looks at her- and her bag. Resources. Asuka's face tightens and her teeth show slightly. She stares through the person.

"What do you want,"

The man replies.

"Your bag, pretty lady~"

She snarls. Stupid perverts... The man smirks, hand reaching into his pocket. Uh oh. Realizing what was about to happen, she quickly jumps back inside one of the cargo containers and slams the loose metal door shut right as the man fires. The shots ring out as he quickly rushes towards the door. Asuka readies herself, quickly grabbing one of the cans from her bag. It'd work well enough as a blunt weapon.

As soon as the door opens, the man doesn't check anything and simply rushes in. Asuka quickly jumps out, throwing the can at the man's head. Luckily, due to the effect of the alcohol, the man gets hit directly in the head and falls over on his ass. Asuka jumps on top of him, wrangling the gun from his grip.

*After a few seconds of intense fighting, she takes the gun off him, immediately firing a shot which hits him right in the center of his chest, piercing right through and critically injuring the man. Though, since she IMMEDIATELY fired- her finger was slightly injured due to, well, her form being way off. Breathing heavily, she quickly hops out of the train car, sprinting off into the rain and towards the station. Drops of blood are scattered across her face and the top of her Plugsuit, but they're simply washed off of her. She didn't really care much for... well, killing the person. She was desensitized to it all after everything that had happened- especially her brutalization of the JSSDF.*

She eventually makes it to the station. She had to sacrifice a pretty big can of food, but she got a gun in return. Sighing, she went inside and leaned against the first wall she found. The place was messy. Trash littered the floor. There were bullet shells, blood, empty soda and water bottles, chip bags- you name it, it was probably there on the ground. A portion of the roof had caved in a few weeks ago as well.

It wasn't long before another figure walked into sight, one, Shinji Ikari. He was weary from trying to find himself a decent place to sleep within the entire station, and most places there have been already taken by squatters and nameless vagrants. He was carrying a sack of food, trying to make himself useful to passing out rations to the homeless until he saw Asuka, with blood on her plugsuit; faint as it was blending in with the red color.

His eyes widened. Had Asuka just killed someone? What if she had come to kill him for everything he did to her? He was virtually petrified at the sight. He wouldn't blame her if she had the urge to put a bullet in his skull. He still felt guilty for what he did, even that which wasn't even his fault. He dropped the sack of canned rations and opened his jaw.

Struggling to stay upright, she slowly slid against the wall before fully sitting down. Holy shit... she definitely needed a breather after all of that had happened. She brought her knees close to her chest, then placed her arms on her knees. She shallowly inhaled and exhaled, breath labored as she brought herself to her feet. She needed to keep moving. The longer she waited, the further Shinji could be moving away- the higher the chance that he would be kidnapped, tortured, or something along the lines of that, rose. Managing to stand upright, she suddenly spotted the petrified Shinji- frozen in fear in front of her. Her eyes locked onto his. If she was expecting anything, it sure as hell wasn't this. Slowly, she took the gun, activated the safety, and put it into her bag to show that she wasn't going to shoot him. Carefully, she approached him; the droplets of blood still remained on her Plugsuit. She slowly reached out to him with her scarred arm. She'd hoped she'd be able to give him her letter, or at least get him to not think she was going to kill him, executioner-style.

"Shinji...?"

Shinji was at a complete loss for words. He didn't know what to say, let alone how to react. When he saw her putting the gun away, he allowed himself to breathe, but still...he was skeptical. If there was anything he felt about Asuka, she was unpredictable. At least, that's how most of their interactions went. He just stood there for many moments before he slowly and literally inching himself closer to her in the hopes she wouldn't hurt him. He must've been out of his mind. Then again, he was out of his mind ever since Kaworu's death...ever since the world abandoned him...

"Asuka...?" He uttered as he eventually got close enough.

Slowly, her scarred hand rested itself on Shinji's shoulder. She visually inspected him to see if he was alright. Any cuts, bruises, or anything like that were things that Asuka would take note of. She slightly wanted to hug him, but Shinji was seemingly fragile right now- one wrong move and he'd probably scurry off. She slowly placed another hand on his other shoulder, trying to affirm him that she wasn't here to cause any harm. She continued inspecting him before looking him in the eye. Her facial expression softens.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, alright? I... wanted to give you something."

Shinji...was speechless once again. Give him something? Usually it was the other way around. He nodded, feeling tense as he felt both hands upon her shoulders. But still...was there anyone else he knew that he could even remotely trust? His interaction with Asuka back at the bus was perhaps the first genuine change of character they had after...

He just stood there, hoping what she was going to give him wasn't too much. During and after the events at NERV he felt the weight of the entire world upon his shoulders, and with good reason. He just wanted this burden to end…

Slowly, she took her hands off of his shoulders and slung her bag to be in front of her- slowly, of course. She dug through it, eventually pulling out a wrinkled and beaten envelope. It had Asuka's signature on it. The girl handed it to Shinji, obviously wanting him to read it. If he did read it, the thing was long and in decent handwriting. It addressed two things: apologizing for how she acted towards him back then, and expressing her forgiveness towards him despite his actions. After he finished reading the paper, Asuka spoke. Her voice was genuine; she wasn't being sarcastic or trying to be rude.

"Look... we've both done our fair share of shitty things, alright? How about we just call things even and move on?"

Even if her perception was a bit skewed, the message was still pretty clear. Asuka extended her hand out towards Shinji, smiling lightly. She'd already put her own actions as well as Shinji's- well, mostly, behind her. She'd always hold a bit of spite towards him, but now, it was easier to push down.

Reading the paper, Shinji felt he could scarcely feel his heart skip a beat. The words Asuka wrote to him...

For the first time in his life, it felt like he was truly seeing an entirely new side of Asuka, one he had scarcely seen aside from Instrumentality, and even then he thought he was hallucinating given a lack of knowledge. His previous understanding of Asuka was…confuddled, muddled, perplexed, addled...but now...

This one letter...it was like opening a new perspective...things suddenly started to make sense to him. The person he once thought his tormentor, the object of his own immature desires was…

Teardrops fell onto the paper. In comparison with the cheek caressing he barely remembered on the beach...this...was different. He felt this gesture of kindness was truly heartfelt. He couldn't take it anymore as he collapsed to his knees sobbing. He slowly raised his head to see he was sobbing tears of joy, and for the first time in a long time...was unashamed of crying...

Almost any doubt in his mind about Asuka's approach, then and now, was put to rest.

Asuka watched as Shinji began to cry, slowly collapsing to his knees and slowly crying his eyes out. The rain intensified, loudly hitting the roof and the floor where the roof had caved in. The red streak- from when Lilith's neck was sliced was visible overhead. Asuka watched as Shinji looked up at her- no, those weren't tears of sadness, or regret, those were tears of bliss. She could tell- the expression on his face proved it. It looks like the two had forgiven each other after all.

Maybe everything was going to be okay. Slowly, she kneeled down next to Shinji, looking at him with her hand in front of her. Then, she felt tears welling up in her eyes- it... made her ecstatic to finally have clarity between the two. For once, there wasn't a dark, twisted lining to each action they committed to each other.

For the first time in years now, Asuka began to cry. She slowly brought herself closer to Shinji, tears rolling down her face. Finally- there was no more animosity between the two, no more deep hatred. Asuka sniffled, tears falling to the ground. Of course, there'd always be the stinging of her body, the scars left by the MP Evangelions, and Lilith's body staring them down in the distance, but now... at least, she'd have someone to bear the pain with. She looks at Shinji, smiling.

Did anyone expect where the love of God went when the tears turned the minutes to hours? Maybe they felt that long for good reason, and good measure. The rain continued to pour harder as the teardrops fell to the ground, so hard the basement below began to flood.

—

EVANGELION: WESTSIDE STORY

Episode 5:

"Don't be so Hard on Yourself"

—

By the time the sun began to set, Shinji and Asuka fell silent upon each other, and sat upon the lookout tower not far from the station. They needed space, from humanity, from the violence, from everything. All along the watchtower, it was peaceful. The sky still wept even though the tears had run dry. The sun, the clouded sky, made it seem like a painting. A silver lining was found in the dark.

"I...think...I understand. You had no childhood. So you forced yourself to grow up..." Shinji said. Upon reading the letter, he gained a better understanding of her trauma, and how she was virtually forced to fend for herself and achieve stark perfection as a future pilot in the wake of the loss of her mother. Most likely a part of SEELE's godforsaken plan to traumatize the lot of them into submission.

Asuka nodded solemnly. Remembering it all stung- opening the door to see her mother, just... hanging there, lifelessly. It made her shiver just thinking about it. It had practically destroyed her childhood, yes.

"... Yeah. I... I didn't want to be hurt again, like how my mom hurt me. I didn't want to depend on anyone, because... I was scared that they'd- you'd betray me just like how I felt my mother did."

She said, a pensive expression on her face as she looked at Shinji. Even if remembering it all was painful... being open to someone, finally- it felt so good. Asuka listened to the rain as it patted on the roof of the watchtower. It calmed her. She looked at Shinji again. She wanted to know more about him.

"You... lost your mother too, right?"

She said, hesitantly. She didn't want to reopen any wounds, but she didn't want Shinji to be closed off. She moved closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

The cruel irony was, Yui knew full well about the details of the Evangelion project, and willingly gave her life to the project to provide her son the future they wanted for him. And still, Gendo abandoned Shinji in the wake of her death, separating himself from him all in the delusion of hurting and being hurt by him, using him as a mere tool to try and reunite with Yui.

Perhaps SEELE knew this would happen, and needed someone to act as the scapegoat to fulfill the Human Instrumentality Project. How far down did this rabbit hole go? Perhaps the world would never know.

"I thought my dad hated me for it...I just wanted him to love me again..." He uttered. He wondered if Asuka truly knew the relationship between the two, as she seemed ignorant of the circumstances upon first glance.

The Puppetmaster Dilemma seemed to spiral into infinity.

Asuka nodded solemnly, in response to Shinji. Though, she wondered; how far back was everything planned? Was herself and Shinji chosen from the beginning to be subjected to this- well, basically torture? Asuka sighed, before simply lying down on her back, looking down at the pyramid-shaped, small roof above the two. Asuka seemed strained- tired. She still felt weak after her encounter with the drunkard who had tried to rob her about an hour back now. Slowly, she took a few deep breaths before leaning back up, placing her hands on the floor for support. There were slight bags under her eyes. Seems like she didn't sleep very much on her journey to find Shinji. Though, she didn't wonder about something. She looked at Shinji, slowly beginning to speak. She still felt bad for how she'd treated Rei... all those months ago.

"...Do you miss Ayanami?"

Asuka stared off into the horizon- at Lilith- no, Rei's body. She hated looking at it, but she couldn't peel her eyes away. She felt horrid for treating her so poorly... her face shifts to be one of remorse.

Shinji couldn't help but feel...mixed emotions at the entire thing...Ayanami...Lilith...The Tree of Life. He reflected upon the decisions she made. During his existence in Instrumentality, he saw...nothing. The most horrifying thing about looking into Rei's memories, was knowing she virtually had very little to no memory, as each one was a lone of his dead mother. He wondered how she could live with herself, knowing she was struggling with an identity crisis beyond human possibility.

Why did Rei honor Shinji's wish to initiate the Third Impact when he reached the ungodly climax of his mental breakdown? She could've just as easily said no, and denied him his wish, and the Third Impact would never have happened on command. But...even if it didn't, would the Third Impact have still happened either way? When the Second Impact took place, there was little that can stop mankind from destroying itself. Weapons meant to save humanity, ultimately brought it to near extinction.

Irony after irony after irony. Shinji lost count of how many he could recollect. "Yes." He said to Asuka. Despite everything that happened, Rei was the only one...the only person, or living thing, that didn't abandon him. She denied Gendo his wish to reunite with Yui and handed the reins to Shinji? Why? Why did Lillith...this god-like being, with such power, allow this to come to pass?

Maybe...just maybe...in all the hopelessness and meaninglessness that engulfed the minds of many, fate still, had plans.

"...I do too."

Replied Asuka. The girl looked to the side, muttering something in German before returning back to looking ahead at Lilith's body. Maybe, if she had followed Rei's advice- about opening her heart to the Eva before the JSSDF attacked- things could've turned out different. She regretted how she had treated her- and unlike Shinji, she wouldn't get any closure this time. Another mutter left her mouth- "I'm sorry" in German.

The elevator ride- how she snapped and slapped Rei, or how not following her advice led to Rei II self-destructing to kill Armisael- not even mentioning the destruction of most of Tokyo-3 in the process. If she'd followed her advice, maybe things would have turned out differently. Asuka brings her knees close to her body and rests her head on her knees. Slowly, she took off her Interface Headset- the two clips locking her hair into the style it was- and put them in her bag. She didn't feel like wearing them was necessary here. Her hair suddenly flows down to her lower back instead of her mid-upper back where it usually was, now entirely straight, save for a few hairs.

"I... wish I'd followed her advice sooner- about... opening my heart to Unit 2. If I did... maybe Unit 0 wouldn't have had to self-destruct."

When she was inside of Instrumentality, she saw everyone's story- including Rei. She saw her slowly gain a personality, slowly becoming alive. It pained her to think about it.

Throughout his entire life at NERV, Shinji had been thoroughly confused and befuddled by Asuka's stark and egotistically precarious nature, which contradicted Shinji's shy and introverted nature, only to turn out to be a facade.

Shinji wondered if there was anything he himself could have done to prevent the Third Impact. Maybe if he'd gotten into the Evangelion Unit sooner to rescue Asuka...but then again...wouldn't he have perished too? He didn't have the head brace. And if he did...would it have been too late?

Ever since Asuka left him and took a boat across the Pacific, Shinji had been trying to come to terms with everything that had happened. He felt his main priority, besides survival, was coping with the possibility whether or not the Third Impact could've been averted by any means.

Time was the only variant, and it seemed time was never on their side.

"Maybe if I...just hadn't lost my sanity..." He said. But was there any way he could've?

Asuka looked down. She knew she was a pretty big factor in his declining mental state- she'd already apologized for it in her letter, but she still felt horrible for what she'd done. Looking at Shinji, she sighed. Since the two basically had all the context to the events that had happened, maybe they could piece things together.

"...Maybe we were just being led along the entire time. Hell, they were probably trying to make us lose our minds or... some shit like that. Probably all planned."

She muttered that last bit. Maybe things were planned- from the beginning. The second the two became Eva pilots, they were basically locked in. She guessed that the only thing not in their plans was her resurgence in Evangelion Unit 2... though... things ended all the same. Of course, she was slightly wrong- SEELE had to make multiple adjustments to the plan- probably caused by Kaworu's revelation that the Angel in NERV's facility wasn't Adam- but Lilith, and a multitude of other things.

"... It's all in the past now. Not like we can change things."

She said. She was right, but... it still didn't bring back Rei, or her eye, or remove the trauma of the Third Impact. She sighed, looking out. The rain was still pretty heavy as the sun slowly made its way below the horizon.

She was right. It wasn't like they could change it. They were led along like lambs to the slaughter, and by the time NERV realized they were betrayed from the beginning it was too late. Even if SEELE had to change their plans by launching an all out invasion on NERV, it was likely they still would've found a way regardless of the outcome.

Perhaps Rei saw something none of the could've seen when she became Lillith; the omnipotent. Perhaps this...was the only way things could've ended. If the world had not ended this way to be reborn, albeit painfully, was there any chance anyone else would've been the wiser to bring them back from Instrumentality? Would they have even known? Probably not, probably...

Shinji didn't want Asuka to feel bad about it anymore. When all is said and done, the letter meant a lot to him. He yawned. He was exhausted just from sobbing his soul out. "Asuka...I...is it okay if..." He said, gulping. Petty as it was, it took every single ounce of his inner being to reach out and hold her hand...before slipping off into a deep sleep, the deepest he'd ever fallen into.

Asuka firmly held Shinji's hand, watching as he slipped off into a deep slumber. She watched him sleep- he seemed... at peace. As for her- she couldn't sleep. She had too much on her mind, and besides, it'd probably be better to have at least one person be awake. Eventually, she picked up Shinji, her bag, and then headed down- back to the abandoned station to see if she could grab any clothes...

Slowly, she made her way to an abandoned clothing store in the station, which essentially doubled as a mall. She flipped on the lights; only one fluorescent light powered on. She quickly put a bunch of old clothes; mostly in sizes that were too small for the two to wear, and piled them up into one heaping pile of clothes. She eventually just lied Shinji down on the front side of the pile- she didn't want to have him just sleep on the ground.

Asuka then grabbed some clothes of her own; a slightly oversized yellow t-shirt, some long and baggy sweatpants, and a bra. She went to a dark corner of the shop, quickly changing into the new set of clothes. Once she had her Plugsuit off, she put it into her slightly cramped bag and then rolled up the sleeves of her shirt. Asuka sighed. This was much, much better than being in that damned Plugsuit for the billionth day in a row...

She eventually sat down next to Shinji, setting her bag down and leaning against the pile. She gripped his hand once more- this time, slightly less firm than before. She leaned against the Third Child slightly, yawning. She was drowsy as well, and eventually just decided to go to bed- her tiredness was catching up to her.

She got up, going to the front of the store. She pulled down the thin but strong metal sheet that was at the top of the large doorway of the shop, closing the two off to the outside and preventing any intruders from coming in. She eventually sat next to Shinji again, firmly grasping his hand and leaning against him. She slowly dozed off, eventually drifting into sleep.

Fortunately for the two of them, clothing wasn't much of a priority for others who were passing by. Shinji and Asuka both got much needed rest after everything.