A/N: I do not own Glee, it's characters, or anything else from the show. I do use some quotes (either verbatim or paraphrased) from the show at times. If you haven't read the first three books in my To Dream a Dream series, do that first. Seriously. This will not make much sense if you don't read them first. Thank you for your patience! It's been difficult figuring out how exactly I want this particular book to go. It's been really hard figuring out what events from season 4 to include in this book. I wanted to include most of them, but for the sake of my story, it's just not possible. I ended up needing to omit, alter, or change the timing of certain events to make it better fit my story. In my defense, my stories have always focused on Rachel's illness and not the actual plot of the Glee show.
Chapter 1
The first time Rachel met her mother was just under three years ago at Lima Memorial Hospital. It took no time at all for her to feel comfortable around the woman. Maybe it was the vulnerability caused by finding out she had a life threatening illness. Maybe it was from the trauma of being neglected and abused by her father, even though she had Uncle Burt to balance it out. Or maybe her mother is an incredible mom and Rachel's heart desperately wanted to trust her and be loved by her. Maybe both of their hearts were desperately reaching out to one another. Regardless of why she grew so close to her mom so quickly, she's glad. Her mom has been her biggest comfort and support through fighting aplastic anemia. While Rachel is looking forward to moving to New York in a few days, she's not looking forward to being so far from her mom. She's going to miss her. And she knows her mom is going to miss her, too. Thinking about both of them being upset about being apart is upsetting her now. It's an easy fix, but that either means Rachel would have to give up her dream or her mom would have to give up her life in Ohio and move to New York with her. Neither can happen. Many kids move away from home right out of high school. They stay in contact with their parents, visit when they can, and maintain happy long-distance relationships. It's normal. But most kids don't go through what she has gone through. Most kids have had more time with their parents. Most parents haven't nearly lost their child. Or may still lose them. Rachel is getting better, but she's still sick and that really worries her mom. Actually, worry may be an understatement.
Unable to sleep, Rachel tosses her sheet off and climbs out of bed. Yero lifts his head to watch her. She pets him as she passes by and signals for him to stay. He lays his head back down, but his eyes follow her out of the room. Tiptoeing down the hall, she tilts her head and listens carefully. There's soft music coming from downstairs. Quietly, Rachel creeps down the stairs. As soon as the wall ends and open railing begins, she can see down below at an angle. She crouches down and peers between the rungs in the railing. Her mom and Scott are slow dancing in the living room. Both are smiling softly and swaying to the music. They look happy and relaxed. And then Scott gently swipes a thumb under her mom's eye and kisses her.
"It'll be fine." Scott tells her softly. "Everything will be okay."
Her mom nods and gives him a shaky smile. Scott kisses her again and her smile strengthens. Her mom curls into him and they sway together quietly. The song changes to something more upbeat and Scott spins her out before pulling her back in. Her mom laughs and they dance playfully. Silently, Rachel stands and heads back to her room. A small smile graces her lips.
Her mom will be fine.
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Shelby sips her coffee and uses her foot to rock the swing. She really does love this chair that the guys made for Rachel. They've both spent a lot of time on it. She takes another sip and closes her eyes. Two days. Rachel moves to another state in two days. Scott's been helping her deal with it. She cried several nights in a row, soaking his shoulder. Last night, he sweetly distracted her with dancing and soft reassurance. It helped, but she knows she's just going to have to tough it out until she learns to deal with it better. One day she'll be used to her daughter no longer living with her. It just won't be any day soon. She thanks God she has Scott. If she had to drop Rachel off in New York then come home to an empty house alone, she'd completely fall apart. Shelby knows it's stupid, but she can't go to her family for comfort on this. Her parents and siblings all got to raise their children from infancy to adulthood. They all had more than three years with their kid before sending them off. And none of their kids were sick with a life threatening illness when they left. It's not the same. They can't truly understand what it's like for her.
The back door opens and Yero sprints out into the yard, doing his morning laps. Shelby smiles and waits, knowing Rachel will be joining her. She's glad that her daughter has been clingy lately. It means Shelby can be clingy right back without being obvious about it. As she'd both expected and hoped, Rachel joins her on the chair, snuggling into the confined space of the swinging chair with her. Mother and daughter sit quietly together, enjoying one another's company and watching their dog run around the yard. Shelby continues to rock the chair. She loves these types of mornings. Until Rachel's body stiffens and she holds her breath, at least. Shelby rubs her arm and hums, waiting for the mild attack to pass.
"Breathe it out, baby girl."
Rachel slowly releases the breath she'd been holding, then takes in a controlled breath. She holds it briefly, then releases it just as slowly. Her body relaxes and she slumps more into Shelby. The mother knows the other kids will comfort her through any attacks, but the idea of not being there to know it's happening and comfort her is hard. She swallows it down and leans her head on top of Rachel's.
"I'm going to miss this."
Shelby clears her throat. "You can sit here with me every time you come back to visit. That means fall break, winter break, spring break, summer break, any long weekend, and any time you feel like coming home. For any reason."
Rachel chuckles. "Yeah, I know. I'll never be turned away, even if I show up on the front step two days after moving out."
"If I thought it'd help, I'd leave the door unlocked and the front light on 24/7."
Her daughter laughs and hugs her. "It goes both ways, Mom. You can come visit me whenever."
"You and six other teenagers? Yeah, I'm sure they'd be thrilled to have your mom randomly showing up."
"Well I know I would be thrilled and I bet the others at the very least wouldn't mind."
"You might be thrilled the first two times, but after that you'll be changing the locks. For the record, do not change the locks."
"I won't."
Shelby ignores the eye roll that accompanied that. Rachel gets up and grabs Yero's favorite ball. The golden retriever is instantly on alert, dropping the toy he'd been chewing and following the ball with his eyes. Rachel tosses it and a golden missile flies after it. Shelby smiles and watches her kid play with her dog for a while. After a moment, it occurs to her to record this. A calm, happy summer morning. She pulls out her phone and records a short video of them playing. They switch to playing with his rope toy. Both are refusing to let go of their end and Shelby laughs while Yero, who is stronger than Rachel, drags the laughing girl across the grass until she admits defeat and releases it. Yero prances around victoriously, swinging the rope from his mouth. Then he drops it and runs back to Rachel, plopping down on top of her and licking her face. The girl starts laughing again and rolls so she's on top of him. Shelby focuses on enjoying the moment and not dreading missing mornings like this.
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"Rules."
Rachel frowns. "You already gave us a list of rules."
"I have more rules that are just for you."
"Oh. Right. You did say that. So, what are they?"
"You are to call or text me regularly. I'd like it to be every day, at least to start with."
"Okay. That's easy."
Shelby eyes her daughter, wondering how long that'll last. When will she get bored of talking to her mom every day and stop calling? She hopes it'll be a long way off, but she's not naive. She's aware it's unlikely. Rachel will get caught up in her new life in New York and forget to call her Mama. Pushing that inevitability aside, she moves on.
"You are not to ignore, downplay, or sugarcoat any symptoms. At all."
"I haven't done that in a long time!"
"But there's a history of it. I don't want it to start up again."
"It won't!"
"Good. I'm trusting you. Next, you are to rest as much as you need. NYADA is aware of your condition and they are going to go easy on you. But I know you, my darling girl. You push yourself. You want to do your absolute best, you want to impress people, and you don't want to let anyone down. Until you are healthy again, you need to take it easy and not push yourself."
"I will take it easy." She mumbles.
"Rachel, I'm very serious. If you're tired, don't go to dance class. If you get dizzy or just had an attack, stay home or stay seated wherever you are."
"I will." Firmer this time.
"I'm not just going to be in contact with you, I'll be in contact with your new doctor, Kurt, your friends, and maybe even Ms. Tibideaux."
"What?! Mom!"
"If I think or have any reason to believe you are pushing yourself too hard, I am pulling you from NYADA and bringing you home."
The shocked, incredulous look on her daughter's face makes it clear that her point was made. Good.
"At the moment, those are my main rules. I'll add more if I feel I need to at a later date."
"Mom—"
"Rachel, letting you go is hard enough for me. Letting you go if I think you won't take your health seriously and make it your priority will be impossible. It won't happen. Convince me that getting healthy is your #1 priority and I'll back off."
Rachel's lips twitch. "No you won't."
Shelby opens her mouth to argue, then pauses, realizing she's right. "Okay, I won't back off but I won't be quite so strict."
"Mom, you were strict even when I was in remission."
Shelby sighs. "To be fair, you were only in remission for five months. I didn't get a chance to get used to you being healthy before you weren't anymore."
"Touché. But Mom, I swear. I want to get better. I'm tired of being sick so I'll do whatever I have to in order to get better. Even slow down and take less classes if necessary. I don't want to get worse again."
The girl leans into her for a hug. Shelby holds her and prays that she's telling the complete truth and will actually not overdo it while in New York.
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Burt and Shelby sit Rachel and Kurt down to talk. The kids look at one another in confusion. Shelby understands it. They've already been given their rules and expectations, what else is there to discuss? Burt and Shelby have discussed it, weighed the pros and cons, and come to an agreement. The parents lean forward and each place a credit card in front of their respective child.
"They finally came in the mail. These are your own credit cards. We have access to them so we can monitor your balance, but we won't check your daily spending as long as you're not constantly spending a lot on frivolous things."
"We strongly suggest you use them carefully. Credit cards are tricky. You don't immediately see the money removed from your account, so it's easy to forget that you do have to pay for it. Best course of action is to pay off your card in full every month. If you can't do that, pay off as much as you can each month, but always more than the minimum payment."
Burt glares at them. "You shouldn't be spending so much that you can't pay your cards off each month. Spend wisely."
"Of course!" Kurt nods.
Rachel clears her throat. "Says the guy who spent $200 on a sweater."
"Rachel!" Kurt snaps at being tattled on.
"Kurt, seriously?" Burt groans. "This is what I'm talking about!"
"None of you understand fashion."
"Not if it bankrupts us, I don't!"
"Whatever. I'll pay off my card every month. Is that it?"
The adults share a look. "No. There's something else."
Shelby places a second credit card down in front of each child. It was harder to get Burt to agree to this one, but she guilted him into it. Mothers are really good at that. "This is your emergency credit card. Notice they are identical except they each have your own name on them. I have access to these cards and I will be closely monitoring it and I will be paying the bill. That doesn't mean I don't want you to use it, but I want you to use this for needs. Specifically, Rachel's needs."
"Mom—"
"Listen. If you're out in the city and Rachel has an attack or gets dizzy or tired or whatever and needs to get home quickly, use this card to pay for a ride. Kurt, if you need to get to Rachel quickly, use this to pay for your transportation. If there's some sort of medical expense that has to be paid immediately, use this card. This card is for medical reasons, emergencies, and transportation. It's not for clothes, shows, entertainment, or unnecessary food. If you're not sure, ask me. If you can't reach me quickly, go ahead and get it and explain why it was a need to me later. Any questions?"
"No, I think we got it. Emergencies and transportation."
"Does that mean I can use this card to catch a cab to campus to pick up Rachel when it's like raining or something?"
"Yes, that's fine."
The adults make sure the kids fully understand the importance of being careful with their credit cards. Shelby makes sure Rachel understands that while she has more money than the others, and it's fine to pay for things for them sometimes, she does not need to buy everything for everyone. And she doesn't need to buy every little thing she wants. She sees the little smirk the kids try to hide and sighs internally. They all know that if Rachel truly wants something, she can get it and no one will fuss about it. But Shelby had to at least mention it. Even if she's fine with spoiling her kid a little, she needs to at least appear to be a responsible adult.
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Kurt monitors the blood seeping from Rachel's nose. It'd started shortly after they'd gone upstairs to hang out. He'd instantly told the adults, who checked on her then told him to let them know when it stops. And if it gets worse or doesn't stop in the next ten minutes he needs to tell them so they can take her to the emergency room. She's holding a hand towel to her nose. It seems to be slowing down, thankfully.
"So those are the extra rules Mom gave me."
"Are you honestly surprised by any of them?"
"No."
"Dad had some extra rules for me, too." He admits.
"Like what?"
"Like how I need to find a job or something until I get accepted to NYADA. And that I am responsible for you."
"You're not—" She tries to argue.
He cuts her off. "I'm your brother. I've known you longer than literally anyone. I am responsible for you. I want to be responsible for you. But you can relax. Dad also pointed out that while he wants me to help take care of you, if I start feeling overwhelmed or anything negative, I'm to reach out to him and let him know. Or at the very least let the others know so they can step up more."
Rachel frowns as she considers his words. "Kurt, I'm stage one. I'm getting better. Other than having someone with me in case I get dizzy or get an attack, I don't actually need to be taken care of. Even with my treatments, someone just needs to drop me off and pick me up when it's over. No one needs to stay with me the whole time."
"If you needed more care, your mom would not be letting you go to New York. I know you're getting better. But you're still sick and still need to be taken care of. I know you don't like it, but that's life. Accept that we're going to be helping you. I'm going to be helping you."
"Well I'm not going to complain about having less chores than everyone else, but I prefer to think it's because I'm paying for half the rent instead of because I'm sick."
Kurt snorts. "Of course. You've been sick for almost three years with only a brief window of remission. You'd think you'd be used to needing help by now."
"I'm used to it and I accept it. When I need it. I just don't like it."
"I know. Don't worry. I know what you can handle alone and what you can't."
"Don't tell me all of the rules your dad gave you were about me."
"No. There were a few others. Well, one was less of a rule and more of a warning."
"What was that?"
"The dreaded 'Freshman 15'." He says in a dramatically spooky voice, waving his hands in front of her.
Rachel bursts out laughing. "Mom brought that up to me, but for the opposite reason. She wants me to put on weight while I'm away."
"That's because you're still skin and bone. I'm at a healthy weight so anything more would be…..unhealthy." He finishes lamely. He'd been a little embarrassed and annoyed when his dad talked to him about it. He does understand why his dad warned him about it, though.
"It stopped." Rachel says, setting down the red stained towel.
"Good. How are you feeling?"
"Fine." She says with a shrug. "A tad light headed, but I'm sure it'll pass soon."
He nods without comment. It's usually how it goes and if he pushes it, she'll get annoyed. In New York there will be five other people living with them to help keep an eye on her. That'll make things easier on all of them. Before he and his dad leave, he lets Aunt Shelby know how long ago the bloody nose stopped. She uses this as an opportunity to tell him he can call or text her if he's ever not certain if he should take Rachel to the hospital or not.
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The furniture her mom ordered has already been moved into the townhouse. Her parents drove her here with all her luggage. And her mom has a suitcase as well, since she'll be staying here for a few days. They loaded up her mom's SUV and drove it up to New York. The three of them are staying the night. Tomorrow the Hummel-Hudsons will be joining them. Scott brings up Rachel's suitcase first and gives her the task of unpacking. She feels a little guilty that she can't help unload the car, but is mostly relieved she has an excuse to avoid the work. Especially since it's so hot and muggy out. Not just an excuse, even if she wanted to they wouldn't let her. They don't want to risk her over doing it by carrying heavy boxes and suitcases up flights up stairs. She unpacks her clothes, toiletries, and makes her bed. Once everything is inside and put away, they order dinner to be delivered and sit at the new kitchen table to eat together. Scott helps them set up the TV and DVD player, then puts in Firefly. They watch a couple episodes before going to bed. In the morning, Scott says his goodbyes to them. Her mom will be catching a flight back to Ohio when she's ready to leave, so he'll see her in a few days. But chances are it'll be a few months before he sees Rachel. He wraps her in a warm hug.
"Let me know if you need anything." Then he whispers so her mom can't hear him. "Or want anything. I'll see what I can do."
She laughs as she pulls back. "Thanks, Scott. I'm going to miss you."
"I'm going to miss you, too. But I'll see you…..in a little while."
"Right."
He hesitates just a moment, then says "I love you, Rachel."
Rachel pulls him into another hug. When she speaks, it's in a very soft whisper. "I love you, too…..Dad."
She knows he heard when his hug becomes firmer and his breath catches. He pulls back with a huge grin, then kisses her mom deeply. Rachel feels bad, seeing how reluctant he is to head back to Ohio alone. It's almost like Scott leaving was another sign for her mom that time is ticking away and soon she'll have to leave as well, because the woman starts swallowing hard. She busies herself with cleaning the breakfast dishes. Rachel and her mom head out to the store and buy kitchen staples and other groceries.
"We'll do a bigger grocery trip after the others move in. Then there'll be more people to help carry it all in."
"That makes sense." She's trying not to think about the fact that her mother will be leaving shortly after that.
The Hummel-Hudson clan arrives in the early afternoon. The boys practically fall out of the car the moment it pulls to a stop and Rachel quickly sees why; their SUV is packed tight with boxes, bags, and suitcases. Rachel can only imagine that most of it is Kurt's from the irritation on Finn's face. As soon as he sees her, Finn's face lightens and he jogs up to her. He sweeps her off her feet and swings her around before kissing her, making her shriek and laugh. He sets her down and Rachel looks over at her brother. His eyes are a little bloodshot, so he must have been crying recently. Since his face isn't blotchy, it was long enough ago for his face to dry. Rachel walks over to him.
"Saying goodbye to Blaine was hard, wasn't it?" She asks softly.
He nods sharply and begins emptying the car. He hands Rachel his backpack and a small bag, which she carries inside. The women help unpack while the guys unload the car. Rachel makes a pitcher of lemonade for them. Most of the rest of the day is spent unpacking and arranging things. Slowly, the house is beginning to look like a home. Uncle Burt and Carole take the boys to do a little more shopping the next day while Rachel and her mom explore the area a little more.
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Burt pours more wine into the ladies' glasses. Both women look like they're fighting back tears. He'd chuckle at their dramatics, but he's sure he'll be tearing up while saying goodbye to his kids tomorrow. Besides, beyond the normal emotions from parents dropping their kids off at college, Shelby has deeper fears behind her tears. Burt has the same fears, but he's had more time. For starters, he's had Rachel in his life longer than Shelby has. More importantly, though, for the past three years he's been spending less and less time with Rachel. It hurt, but he knew he was doing the right thing by backing off and letting Shelby step up more. She stepped up a lot faster than Burt had been prepared for. It was great for Rachel but hard on Burt and his son. Now, he's had three years to get used to spending less time with the girl, parenting her less, as Shelby has taken a much larger role in Rachel's life. As it should be. Shelby has gone from not having Rachel in her life at all, to splitting Rachel's time between her and Burt, to quickly taking Rachel majority of the time, to Rachel visiting (and no longer living with) the Hummel's. She's had Rachel around practically 24/7 for about two years. To go from that to suddenly not having her there at all is going to be hard for the woman. Clearly, she already knows this and is struggling with her emotions.
"You alright?" He asks her softly.
Shelby lets out a bitter laugh. "Yeah. Peachy keen."
Carole lowers her glass and rests her hand on Shelby's. "I know this is hard for you."
"I'll learn to deal with it. But I don't think I'll ever be happy that she's so far from me." Shelby admits quietly, her eyes jumping to the stairs to make sure none of the kids have come back down. Rachel had gotten tired and gone to bed early. The boys had followed not long after, exhausted from unloading the car.
"But she'll be fine. She's going to miss you like crazy but she's going to be so happy to be living her dream. She'll be happy. Eventually, she'll be healthy. And, eventually, I think you will be happy too." Burt tries to reassure her.
Shelby swipes under her eye. "Yeah. Eventually. Can we jump to that part now?"
The others chuckle sympathetically. They're going to miss their sons, too. It's hard for them to not have their kids living nearby. And they're going to miss Rachel. Carole had thrown her hands up the other night saying Rachel is his daughter and will one day be her son's wife. Between that and her own love for the girl, Carole realized that Rachel is and will always be her daughter in some way, shape, or form. She also admitted that she, too, is worried about Rachel living in New York while sick. But they know their sons love Rachel as much as they do (if not more) and will take care of her. Just as Rachel takes care of them in her own way. They're stronger together. They'll be fine.
"I'm gonna miss them all so much." Carole says quietly.
"Can we not discuss that just yet?" Shelby groans. "I'm barely holding it together as it is. Let me wait until I'm home to fall apart. We'll throw a pity party next week."
Burt smiles slightly. "I think that's a fine plan. How does Rachel seem to be holding up?"
"She's thrilled, of course. I mean, she's clingy, too. But I am completely fine with that. It allows me to be clingy back." She grins.
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More goodbyes. Rachel understands why they don't, but a small part of her wishes they'd just smile, hug, kiss cheeks, say they love them, and leave. These drawn out goodbyes are hard on everyone. Finn is the only one who seems unaffected, but she's talked to him enough to know he's going to miss his mom and stepdad. Not enough to bring on the tears, but enough that he hugs them back just as tight. Uncle Burt is more emotional than Rachel expected. He's not crying or anything like that, but she knows him well enough to be able to tell that he's upset and trying to hide it. For once Kurt doesn't complain or stop his dad when he runs his hand through his hair, messing it up. In fact, Kurt leans into it a little. Uncle Burt talks quietly to his son. Tears leak from Kurt's eyes as he nods to whatever his dad told him.
"I love you, Kurt. I'll see you soon."
"I love you too, Dad."
They share a final hug as Carole releases her own son with a few words and tears. Then the woman turns to Rachel and pulls her into a hug.
"These boys love you. Listen to them and let them help you. If they're driving you nuts, give me a call, alright?" Carole whispers.
Rachel laughs lightly. "I will."
"You take care. And have fun."
"I intend to."
Carole pauses uncertainly, like she is debating saying something, then smiles and hugs Rachel before stepping back. The moment Uncle Burt steps up to her, a lump forms in her throat. She may not have been living with him for the past few years, but he never stopped being her dad. He smiles at her.
"Be good, princess."
Her mouth drops open. "That's it? That's all I get? A 'be good' like some misbehaving chi—"
Uncle Burt tugs her into a hug. "You know everything else I'd say."
Her irritation vanishes and tears spring to her eyes. "I guess I do. I love you, Dad."
He holds her a moment longer. "I love you, too. I'll talk to you soon."
When he finally steps back, she knows what the look in his eyes means and decides not to push him. He is not nearly as dramatic as Rachel, Kurt, and her mom are. He doesn't want or need some big goodbye scene. She'll call or text him in a few days. Still, she and Kurt cling to one another with tears swimming in their eyes while watching them drive away.
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Her mom takes Rachel and the boys to meet the New York based doctor. Dr. Johnathan McCann is younger than Dr. Reed. Rachel took an instant liking to him when the first thing he did was compliment her on being accepted to NYADA.
"That's a prestigious school. It means you're quite the talented young lady." He grins. "Of course, that means I expect tickets to your first Broadway show."
"Get in line." Her mom teases.
"Good point. I suppose the mom gets first dibs. Fine." He claps his hands together. "I don't usually get such a crowd for the first appointment like this. I'm assuming there's a reason for this. Someone care to explain?"
Her mother clears her throat. "When we spoke on the phone, I explained that we live in Ohio. Rachel's main medical team is there. While she's attending college in New York, she needs a doctor here. I will be heading back to Ohio in a few days. Her friends will be the ones helping her, but mostly these two. This is Kurt, who is basically her brother, and Finn, her boyfriend. At least one of them will always be with her, so I figured it'd be best for you to meet them now."
He nods. "Good thought. But being responsible for the wellbeing of someone who is dealing with a serious illness is stressful, so I do need to check—"
"Here." Her mom interrupts him. She hands him a folded piece of paper. "This is a letter from their parents giving their support. And their phone numbers if you need to call them for any reason. These kids have been by her side every step of the way. They know all about aplastic anemia, her symptoms, how to handle them, and what she needs. They've been helping care for her for the past three years. Rachel is back to being in stage one and is on the path towards remission. There isn't a whole lot for them to be responsible for, other than not letting her be alone, helping her through attacks, and going with her to treatments. I will be returning to New York for every doctor's appointment, but I can't be here for every treatment as well. That's where they come in. And for emergencies, of course. These two and all of her other friends who will be living with her will all be helping out. It's not just down to these two. I wouldn't be allowing her to move to New York if she was more sick or if her care fell on two children." The boys bristle at being called children. Or maybe they're upset that her mom doesn't think the two of them would be able to care for her on their own. "For the most part, she can take care of herself. For anything she can't handle alone, she will be living with six of her friends who all love her and are happy to help out. And they all know that if things get worse or if it starts becoming too much for them to handle, then I'll be bringing Rachel back home to Ohio. Trust me. I would not be putting this responsibility on the kids if I thought it'd be detrimental to any of them."
Slowly, Dr. McCann nods. "Alright. I reserve the right to reach out to any of the parents if I think it's necessary."
"Of course."
With that out of the way, Dr. McCann asks Rachel to describe her current symptoms. Rachel dutifully answers all questions the new doctor has. Before they leave, he hands his card to all four of them.
"Those cards have my work cell phone number. For appointments, refills, and general questions you can call the office. If you're uncertain of anything, like if she should be brought to the hospital or not, you can call that number and ask me directly."
"Thank you."
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They stand on the sidewalk just outside NYADA's campus. Rachel's eyes take it all in eagerly. In about a week, she'll be a student here. Turning her head, she sees the mixed emotions on her mother's face. Wanting this to be a positive moment, Rachel steps closer and wraps an arm around her waist. Leaning into her mom is all it takes for the older brunette to wrap an arm around her as well. Rachel recognizes the tenseness of her mom's hold. She's trying so hard to be supportive and Rachel loves her all the more for it.
"Thank you, Mom."
"What for?"
"Everything. For…for being an amazing mom. Especially since you became a mom very suddenly to a sick kid you didn't even know. You were sort of thrown into my drama-ridden life without any time to prepare."
"I had 14 years of wishing and hoping to prepare myself."
"Not for aplastic anemia. Not for doctor visits, hospital trips, treatments, and everything else."
"True. Rachel, we have discussed this before. And as I've said many times before, it's all worth it to get to have you in my life."
Rachel grins up at her. "Which is what makes you amazing instead of just wonderful. But I'm not just talking about that. Mom, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Without you, I wouldn't be alive. Without you, I wouldn't have the love and support I need—"
"Stop." She's smiling, but her eyes are starting to look watery. "First of all, you know that's not true so stop laying on the dramatics. You had love and support before I came around. You had the Hummel's, Sue, and all of the New Directions. You weren't alone."
"But I didn't have you. And without you, I didn't have Nana, Grandpa, Aunt Kelly, Uncle Andy, Abby, Tyl—"
Laughing, her Mom gently tugs her arm and leads her back the way they came. "I get your point. I'm pretty sure I've told you before that you don't need to thank me."
Rachel gives a final glance over her shoulder at the campus that'll be her main focus for the next four years. Shaking off her eagerness for her time at NYADA to start, Rachel loops an arm around her mom's. She debates saying the rest of what she wants to say. Realizing there may not be a better time, she slows down. As expected, so does her mother. The woman is looking her over as if she can determine the reason. Rachel can practically hear her mom's thoughts; is she getting an attack, is she dizzy, is she tired? The fact that Fiyero isn't whining or paying any attention to them at the moment calms her mom. The golden retriever is busy watching the other people passing by on the street. He's not used to seeing so many people outside.
"I didn't just mean 'thank you' for getting me here. I mean thank you for letting me. I know you'd rather I stay in Ohio with you until I'm in remission. Or, you know, for forever." Her mom releases a short, wet laugh at that. "But you put all that aside to support me on my path to Broadway. So thank you, Mom."
She is pulled into a tight hug. "It's what moms do."
"No, it's what amazing moms do."
"Well, you're very welcome. But you still need to uphold your end of this."
Pulling back, she nods. "I know. I'll make sure not to overdo it. I'll be honest and open with everyone about how I'm feeling. I won't hide anything. I'll take care of myself and let them help take care of me. I promise. I mean, I can't get on Broadway if I'm dead."
Her mother cringes. "Please stop making jokes like that."
"Sorry." It wasn't intentional. She's come close to dying several times now, and joking about it comes naturally to her. It's better than crying or getting scared when she thinks about it. She wonders if her mother will ever be okay with jokes about her dying. Rachel eyes the woman as they resume walking back to the townhouse.
Probably not.
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One by one, the others start trickling in. Sam is the last of them to arrive. His dad drops him off with his belongings, hugs his son, then gets back on the road. The bottle-blonde has red eyes. Finn eyes him cautiously.
"You okay, man?"
"Yeah." Comes the gruff response.
The others back off. Puck opens his mouth to say something. Based on the glint in his eyes and the quirk of his mouth, Rachel knows it won't be anything nice. Before she can stop him, Santana beats her to it. The Latina pokes him hard enough in the side that he yelps and moves away with a glare. They glare at one another silently until Puck relents and drops his gaze, staying silent. Seeing as it's getting late, Rachel's mom orders dinner for them. The group mostly spends the evening unpacking and getting settled in. As the evening progresses, Sam lightens up. Rachel is helping him make his bed when she can no longer keep her curiosity at bay.
"You seemed pretty upset earlier." She begins gently. When he doesn't speak, she starts rambling nervously, worried that she upset him. "It's understandable. None of us have lived away from our families before. I mean, we—"
"Rachel." He's grinning at her. "It's okay. Yeah, I was upset. I know it's stupid, but I've never been away from my younger siblings before. Not for more than a couple nights. Helping them understand that they won't see me for months was tough. They started crying and clinging to me and that's what made me start to….." He looks away self-consciously. "….that's what upset me. They took it hard and I hate seeing them upset."
Rachel walks around the bed and hugs Sam tight. "You're an incredible brother. They're very lucky to have you. We are very lucky to have you, too."
He beams. "Thanks, Rach."
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Her mother takes them grocery shopping the next day. There's a grocery store only two blocks away, so they all head there together. She's never been grocery shopping with so many people before; it's chaotic but oddly fun. Her mom makes sure they get "real food" as well as junk food. With everyone carrying two bags (even if Rachel's are the lightest and nothing that'll break if she drops them), they're able to easily get everything back to their new home. Even Yero helped, carrying a small bag by the handles with his teeth. They also tied two bags together and laid them over his back like a pack mule. Seeing that Yero's tail kept wagging happily and he was moving easily, they were confident that he was unbothered by the extra weight. They get it all away well before Rachel has to be at her treatment. They decided that Kurt, Santana, and her mom will be the only ones going with her this time. However, her mom made sure all of them know where it is and how to get there.
Rachel greets the nurses who'll be working with her at this center, then gets hooked up to the IV. As soon as they get the all clear that her body isn't rejecting it, she opens up her laptop and turns it so the others can watch it, too. They watch a movie before Rachel starts feeling sick enough that she just wants to sleep. She falls asleep with her head on her mom's shoulder, savoring the final hours she has with the woman. They shake her awake when her treatment is over. Groggy and disoriented, she stumbles out into the warm summer night air. The Uber her mom had ordered is already waiting for them and she gratefully slumps against the backseat. The disorientation fades but the grogginess doesn't. She leans on Santana while Kurt unlocks the front door and heads inside. It was a rule laid down by all of their parents that the front door is to always be locked, even if they're all home and awake.
"I'll go grab you some water, Tink." Kurt hurries into the kitchen.
"Thanks."
Rachel changes direction and heads to the living room, intent on getting to a chair of some sort. The floor is starting to tilt and her legs are starting to shake. She gets maybe three steps into the room before the floor rushes up to meet her.
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Adjusting the damp cloth on Rachel's forehead makes Shelby's frown deepen. She releases a sigh and sits back. Shelby herself had been locking the door behind her and hadn't been next to her daughter when she fainted. In her defense, she thought that both Kurt and Santana were by her side. However, Santana had become distracted by her girlfriend coming down the stairs to greet them and Kurt had headed off to get her a drink. This meant that no one was right next to her and no one managed to catch her. Shelby watched Rachel's eyes roll back and ran forward to catch her, but was too late. Santana must have sensed something, because she spun around to look at Rachel. She reached out to grab her arm, but wasn't fast enough. Rachel hit the floor with a thud. Shelby and Santana had instantly kneeled beside her, trying to rouse her to no effect. Brittany and Kurt quickly joined them. Sam, alerted by their worried cries, hurried into the room and scooped her into his arms. He carried her to the couch, where she now rests.
"Seriously? How many people were in the house and nearby but no one managed to catch her?" He snapped.
Shelby couldn't even be upset with him. He was right. She's annoyed with herself, but also with the other kids. They should have known to make sure someone was beside her at all times. They know she doesn't feel well after treatments. The others sit or stand around the living room anxiously. Shelby looks at them now.
"Accidents happen. I get it. We get distracted or we think someone else will be responsible. But I really need you guys to do better. I'm sorry to put this on you, I really am. You're just kids. But my kid is severely ill and I'm trusting you all with her care. I'm trusting you to make sure she's okay. That includes staying by her side when she's not feeling well in case she collapses. You know it happens sometimes. You need to be prepared." She swallows and looks at each of them in turn. "I need you to tell me right now if this isn't going to work. If you're not up for taking care of her, that's fine but I need to know. Now. I can't leave here, leave my daughter in your hands, if I don't believe you'll be capable of caring for her."
"I'm really sorry." Santana says softly, her eyes glistening. "I shouldn't have gotten distracted. I knew you were locking the door and that Kurt was getting her water."
Kurt bobs his head. "I should have led her to a seat before going to get her water."
"And I should have walked her to a seat before going back to lock the door or asking one of you to do it. We're all to blame." Shelby admits. "It's a lesson learned the hard way. We let her fall. She's already got a bruise on the side of her face."
The others cringe guiltily.
"We'll do better." Finn promises. "Honest. This was one slip up. It won't happen again."
Shelby shakes her head and wrings her hands. "This is all wrong. I shouldn't be letting her stay here. I shouldn't be putting her care on a group of kids. I should take her home."
"It'll break her heart!" Brittany cries.
"But it might be for the best." She hedges. "I should have gone with my gut instinct. It's not right to put her care on a group of kids."
"We love her." Kurt argues. "We're happy to help out. This was one mistake and we'll do better, I swear. Please don't take her home. Give us another chance."
Shelby's jaw is clenched tight, worry and indecision filling her. "I don't want to upset her by taking her home, but I need to know she'll be properly cared for."
"She will!" Noah insists.
"And," she continues, "I need to know that this isn't putting too much pressure, stress, or strain on you guys. It's okay if this is too much for you to handle. There's no shame and no reason to feel guilty. I need you to be honest."
The others look around, eyeing one another. Finn finally speaks up for all of them. "Yeah, it's stressful. I'm worried. But I love her. We all do. I swear we'll do better. We'll take good care of her. I also promise that if any of us think it's becoming too much, we'll let you know."
Shelby takes in his words and sees the agreement on the faces of every other teen. Then she looks down at her still unconscious daughter and imagines her reaction to waking up to packed bags and being told that she's heading back to Ohio. Reluctantly, she gives in. "Okay. If any of you start feeling like this is too much to handle, let me know. I'll talk to everyone and determine if I need to take her home or if I just need to come stay for a while to help out. And I won't let her know it was from you guys. You don't have to worry about upsetting her or feeling guilty. I'll let her think it was all me and my worries. She never needs to know any of you were becoming too stressed, so don't let that stop you from reaching out to me. Got it?"
They nod.
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The glass clinks when she sets it down on the coffee table and she winces slightly. Rachel's head is aching. She hopes the pills she just took kick in fast. The smallest brunette was not thrilled to wake up to discover her face bruised from falling. She's not mad at them for not catching her; it all happened so fast. However, she's annoyed that she'll be starting at NYADA with a bruised face.
"Here." Her mom hands her a fresh ice pack.
"Thanks. Think it'll be gone by my first day?"
Her mom gently grasps her chin and turns her head, inspecting the bruise. "It might be faded by then, but not gone. Sorry, honey."
Rachel sighs. "It's fine. It's not your fault." Seeing the flash of guilt, she hurries to reassure her. "It's really not! It happened too fast for any of us to prepare for. I couldn't even warn anyone!"
"If anyone had been holding onto you, you wouldn't have fallen."
Rachel shrugs. "It happened." Her nose wrinkles curiously. "What's that smell?"
"Noah tried to make garlic bread but burned it. He and Brittany are making dinner for us."
"I guess it'll take a while for us to learn how to work this old oven."
"Trial and error. Just…..be careful. Don't leave the oven unattended when it's on."
"We won't."
The large group eat spaghetti and meatballs and burnt garlic bread. The conversation is boisterous but not too loud. Rachel told them about her headache, so they're keeping their volume down for her benefit. Feeling tired, Rachel begs off to bed right after eating. Her mom guides her up the stairs and chats with her while she gets ready for bed. They're careful to keep the conversation on light topics, knowing it'll be hard on both of them since her mom is leaving tomorrow morning. Neither will be able to sleep if they get too upset tonight. Both are trying to stay strong for the other.
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The oven really is ancient. Still, Shelby manages to cook eggs, pancakes, and bacon for everyone. She'd stayed in bed for a while, cuddling her daughter. Rachel had woken up and they'd talked quietly, joking and reminiscing about other fun mornings. Her kid's eyelids had started drooping. Shelby kissed her forehead and whispered for her to go back to sleep. Rachel mumbled about wanting to stay awake to get to spend more time with her, but was clearly on the brink of sleep. Shelby hummed and Rachel was back in dreamland in moments. She'd lain there, holding her daughter and mentally preparing herself to let go. Something in her thoughts triggered the memory from a year and a half ago. Holding Rachel, just like this, in the hospital. Being told she had to say goodbye to her baby girl. Preparing herself to let go.
Shelby holds her daughter, cradling her in her arms. She tries to focus on the present moment and not the future ahead. She begins humming softly while slowly rubbing Rachel's back. As time ticks by, Rachel's breathing becomes shallower. Raspier. Longer pauses between breaths.
A lightning bolt of hurt and fear shot through her, causing Shelby to jolt and suck in a breath. Thankfully, Rachel stayed asleep; only mumbled something and rolled over. Moving more carefully, Shelby got out of bed and went downstairs. She needed a distraction and what could be better than taking care of her child? So she decided to cook a nice breakfast for everyone. Now, breakfast is just about ready. Footsteps catch her attention and she turns to find Brittany entering the kitchen.
"Hi, sweetheart. Did you sleep alright?"
Brittany gives her a quick hug before grabbing dishes from the cabinet. "Yeah. This smells delicious."
While Brittany is setting the table, Sam and Kurt enter. Once the food is on the table and everything is ready, Sam immediately starts eating. Kurt lightly slaps the back of his head.
"Rude. We should wait for the others."
"That could be all day." The blond boy complains through a mouthful of food.
Brittany rolls her eyes. "Kurt and I will go wake everyone else, Mrs. Matthews."
"I—I…." The kids pause to look back at her. "…..I'll wake Rachel. You two can wake the others. Sam, your job is to make sure whoever comes down leaves enough food for the others. I don't know how long it'll take to rouse Rachel, so leave a little for her."
"Sure."
Shelby waits for Brittany to wake Santana and for the girls to leave before sitting on the edge of Rachel's bed. The mother tries not to think that this'll be the last time she wakes her daughter for a while. At least a month, but probably more. She shakes her shoulder and sings a jaunty little song to wake her. Rachel's eyes flutter open.
"Mom?"
"Good morning, my baby girl. Breakfast is ready." They hear Puck and Finn walk by the room, laughing. "It sounds like everyone else is already downstairs. Let's go eat."
"Let me get dressed and I'll be down."
"Are you dizzy at all?"
"Nope. I promise."
"Alright, I'll see you downstairs, but make sure Yero comes with you. Just in case."
"Of course."
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The teenagers intentionally kept everything light and cheerful. Despite everyone knowing it'll be hard for mother and daughter to be separated, no one comments on it. They do, however, offer to clean up the breakfast mess and send Rachel and her mom off to talk. They head upstairs so that her mom can pack up her stuff.
"How's Scott doing?"
Her mom places her toothbrush into her toiletry bag and zips it shut. "He's good. A little lonely. He said he's not used to being alone in a house anymore."
"He has friends he spends time with." Rachel points out.
"Which is what he said he's been doing a lot lately. They went to a baseball game the other day and bowling last night." Her mom does a final sweep of the bathroom, making sure she has all of her belongings.
"That's good." Rachel sort of wants to ask if her mom will be spending more time with her own friends in the near future but decides not to.
"Yeah." Her mom smiles while folding a shirt and placing it in her suitcase. "It's great to have friends you can lean on when you're upset."
Seeing the pointed look her mom gives her, Rachel grins and nods. "Agreed."
Her mother lifts her suitcase from the bed and places it on the floor. When she turns to face Rachel, the teen's throat suddenly clogs up. Swallowing it down, Rachel slowly steps closer to her mom. The woman's smile is soft, warm, and so full of love that Rachel is glad to bury her face in her shoulder. Otherwise, she'd start bawling. Standing in her mom's arms, Rachel suddenly panics that she won't be able to let go. Her arms instinctively tighten around her. The taller brunette begins swaying them gently. Rachel tries to enjoy the feeling of being embraced by her mom, but is also desperately trying to stop her breaths from hitching. She doesn't want to break down or to let on how hard this is for her. She's 17! She shouldn't be getting this upset about saying goodbye to her mom! All she's doing is going off to college like thousands of other kids her age do every year, and she's sure none of them are being as dramatic as she is. Then again, she doubts many of them have only gotten to spend a few years with their mothers. Or have been through what they've been through together. She mentally shakes away those thoughts and refocuses on the present. She savors the feel of being hugged by the person she loves most in this world; and knows for certain loves her the most in return.
"I love you, Rachel."
She blinks against the sting behind her eyes. Still not ready to let go, she continues to lean into her. "I love you, too, Mom."
"I can come back to visit whenever you'd like. You don't even need a reason. Just ask and I'll come, okay?"
"Okay."
"Or you can come home at any time. No questions asked and no judgement."
Rachel nods. Her mom kisses her temple. "I need to go, baby girl. My flight leaves soon."
Please don't go. "I know."
Ignoring her hammering heart, Rachel finally releases her mother and steps back. Her mom gently cups her chin. "Don't forget to call or text me. Every day. Got it?"
Rachel smiles as best she can. "Got it."
"Good girl."
She kisses her cheek and turns to grab her suitcase. Rachel uses the opportunity to quickly swipe under her eyes and clear her throat. She's fine. Everything's fine. They head down the stairs where Finn lets them know the cab her mom ordered is waiting. Feeling a little like she's not fully present in the moment, Rachel struggles to focus and act natural. She watches silently as her mom hugs and says goodbye to all of the others, hugging Kurt last and longest. She follows her out the front door and down to the taxi. The driver stows her bags in the trunk. This is it. Unable to stop herself, Rachel hugs her mom again. The woman squeezes her tight.
"I'll be here for your doctor's appointment in October. I'll see you then, okay?"
"See you then."
Kurt wraps an arm around Rachel's waist the moment she steps back. Her mom smiles and waves to them, then climbs in the backseat. Rachel's breathing becomes heavier as the taxi drives down the road. She can't watch it disappear. She can't. Kurt seems to realizes this because he guides her up the front stoop and into their new home together. No one comments on the tears slipping down her cheeks. In the foyer, Rachel freezes, going ramrod straight.
"What is it?" Kurt asks in concern.
"I didn't say goodbye!" Horror and dread fill her, a sickening warmth choking her. "I-I-I didn't…I didn't actually say the word 'goodybe'!" The tears come hard and fast.
Kurt pulls her into a tight hug. "It's okay, Rach. It doesn't matter."
"It does!" She wails. "I didn't say goodbye!"
She turns back to the front door as if she could chase after the taxi. Kurt half drags her into the living room and down onto the couch.
"Stop. Rachel, she left. Your mom loves you and knows you very well! You didn't have to say the words. You can say 'goodbye' in many ways without actually using that word. So what did you say?"
"That I love her."
Kurt smiles gently. "See? That's the most important thing to say and you said it."
He's right. Rachel's body unclenches and she sinks into him. "You're right."
"I usually am." He says lightly. "Besides, you'll see her soon. Hell, you can call her up and ask her to come back at any time and she will."
"I know. And she basically said the same thing. Thanks, Kurt."
"What else are brothers for?"
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Shelby runs a shaking hand over her face. Holding herself together in front of her daughter was hard, but she's proud she managed it. God, she already misses her. It's a challenge to not look back and see her baby girl still standing there on the sidewalk, watching her drive away. Shelby sniffles lightly, ignoring the curious look the driver gives her. On the one hand, she hates that she's going home without her kid. Two months. She won't see Rachel for two months. It'll be the the longest two months of her life. On the other hand, she's proud. Proud of both her daughter and herself. This is normal. Parents drop their kids off at college all the time. This is a good thing. Saying goodbye is hard for all pa—
Shelby sucks in a breath, horror filling her. She never actually said goodbye! The tears she'd been holding back finally spill out. She didn't actually say goodbye to her daughter whom she won't see for months. She digs through her purse for her phone, but stops. What if calling now makes things worse? If Rachel starts crying over the phone, Shelby won't be able to get on that plane. Torn, the mother rocks back and forth, her mind racing. Is the last thing she said to her daughter seriously just a casual comment about seeing her in October? Should she have said the word 'goodbye'? She was trying to avoid saying the word since it brings up horrible memories, but was that a mistake? No. Neither of them broke down, they hugged, they said their "I love you"'s, they said they'll see each other soon (ish), and promised to talk every day. That was good. That's enough. Right? Regardless, Shelby is going to miss her baby girl. And worry about her horribly.
Slumping back against the seat, the mother presses a hand over her mouth to muffle her crying.
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A/N 2: Okay, so I didn't quite meet my goal of getting five full chapters written before posting this. I have four chapters complete. I just got too excited and didn't want to wait any longer to post this. I'll do my best to post a chapter a week.